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Excuse me, uh
I don't mean to be a jerk, but the baby
with the rash came in after me.
>> The doctor will be right with you, sir.
>> Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
>> What, the circus? He's behind the
elephant.
>> Wow.
So, your child's a big fan of the Waldo
books, too?
>> Yeah, that's that's how I know.
I'm Ross, by the way.
>> Hi, I'm Sally.
>> Hi.
>> So, no ring, can I assume you're also a
single parent?
>> I am a single parent.
>> It's hard, isn't it? Uh there's almost
no time for a social life. I mean, where
are you going to meet someone?
>> Well, um
let's say, I don't know, yeah, you met
someone in the
pediatrician's office.
>> Rossi, we're ready for you.
>> Um yeah.
>> Come on, Ross Junior, it's time to go
in.
>> Mommy.
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
>> Hey, I helped you FIND WALDO.
>> WHO'S making the decision?
>> Professor Sherman. Yeah, meeting with
him today.
>> Well, he's a pretty tough guy to
impress.
>> Yeah, well, I think I know how to dazzle
him.
>> Uh
you're not going to do a magic trick,
are you?
>> No.
The data we're receiving from MRI scans
and DNA testing of these fossils are are
staggering.
>> Mhm.
>> I mean, we've been accepting Leakey's
dates as as a given, But if they're off
by even a hundred thousand years or so,
then you can you can just throw most of
our assumptions, you know, right in the
trash.
So So, what I'm saying is is
is that
is that uh re- repercussions
could could be huge. I mean, not just in
in paleontology, but if you think about
it in in evolutionary biology, uh
genetics, uh geology. I mean, truly the
the mind boggles.
Well, that's not what you want.
>> Hello.
>> Joey, hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is
she there?
>> No, she uh she went shopping with
Rachel. Why, what's up?
>> Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman
about my being the keynote speaker.
>> Oh, how's it going?
>> It could be better.
She um
he fell asleep.
>> What?
But I already bought my ticket to
Bermuda.
>> Or Barbados.
>> Fine, I'll rent the car and drive.
Ross, you have to get that job.
>> Well, what am I supposed to do? He's
cold. In fact, he was just talking in
his sleep before and evidently he wants
someone named Fran to spank him harder.
>> W- Well, just wake him up.
>> I can't. If he realizes that I'm the one
who put him to sleep, I won't get the
job.
>> Oh, that's a tough one.
Oh, wait a minute.
This happened to me before. Yeah, I was
auditioning for a play and the producer
fell asleep.
No.
Wait a minute.
It was me who fell asleep.
Yeah, I mean, hey Shakespeare, how about
a chase scene once in a while?
>> My god, you really want me to be the
keynote speaker?
Thank you.
>> You're welcome.
>> Your wish is going to come true, but you
guys, just in case, maybe a genie will
come out if we RUB THIS LAMP.
THAT THING GETS HOT.
>> YOU KNOW, ROSS, JUST keep making your
jokes. How are you going to feel if we
actually do win?
>> Uh you're not going to win.
>> Oh, I know. I know the odds are against
us, but somebody has to win, and it
could be us. And then how you going to
feel? You know, we're going to be all
like, "Oh, everybody, let's take our
helicopters up to the Cape." And you're
going to And you're going to be all
like, "Oh, I can't, guys. I'll have to
meet you up there. I got to gas up the
Hyundai."
>> Okay, I've heard myself on tape, and I
sound nothing like that.
>> I can see the headline now. Lottery
winner's friend filled with regret eats
own arm.
>> Why would I eat my own arm?
>> Well, you wouldn't, but we own the
paper, we can print whatever we want.
>> You know what, Ross? I'm going to throw
in 50 bucks for you.
>> Why?
>> Because I know I know that you think
that the lottery is boo hockey.
But we're all here, and we're going to
watch the numbers and have fun.
You're my brother, and I want you to be
a part of this.
>> We don't have to do that. I mean, I'll
I'll pay for myself, but just the fact
that you you want me to have fun with
you guys. That's so sweet. Come here.
Mwah.
>> Get a room.
>> Enough talking. I I have to get moving.
Hey, check out those two blondes over
there.
Hey, come with me.
>> Are you trying to get everybody
divorced?
Come on, you don't have to do anything.
>> It'll just be easier if it's the two of
us, like college. Uh remember? First you
uh break the ice with some kind of a
joke so they know you're the funny one,
then I swoop in with some interesting
conversation so they'll see that I'm the
brilliant, brooding, sexy one.
>> I thought I got to make the jokes.
Don't you have to be at work?
>> Oh, come on.
>> Uh hello.
Hi. Uh my name's
>> Chandler. Uh this is my friend Ross
right here.
>> Hi.
>> And uh we were wondering you know, if
you're up for it, we only need six more
people for a human pyramid.
Swoop. Swoop.
>> Uh
so um uh oh hey, I I noticed you're
reading the paper.
Uh
another flood in Europe, huh?
Um here's a question.
Would you Would you rather drown or be
burned alive?
>> I'm sorry. We're just leaving.
>> Okay.
We still got it.
Hi. I uh
I couldn't help but notice uh but that's
that's an unusual necklace.
>> You already hit on me an hour ago.
>> Right, so that's a firm no.
Believe this, I just keep striking out.
>> I don't get it either.
I mean, you're obviously desperate.
You're asking women how they want to be
killed.
>> Well, this is great. Rachel's going to
keep kissing guys until she finds the
one she wants, and I'm I'm going to die
alone.
>> By drowning or
>> We finally found a nanny. This is Molly.
Molly, Chandler, Joey.
>> Hi.
>> Hi.
>> Well, somebody's getting a little fussy.
>> Damn right I am. I've been waiting for a
cookie for 7 minutes.
>> Okay. You know what? I'm just going to
take her outside.
>> No, you stay. I'll do it.
>> Okay.
>> Nice to meet you, guys.
>> Yeah, you too. You too.
>> Oh, wow. Molly's just great.
>> Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.
>> What? You really think she's hot?
>> Are you kidding? If I wasn't married,
she'd be rejecting me right now.
>> Joey?
>> How do you think she's doing?
>> Am I the only one that doesn't think
that she's hot, Ross?
>> I mean,
I mean, she's not unattractive, but but
hot, uh
>> Thank you.
>> Now that Rachel's gone, so hot I cried
myself to sleep last night.
>> Wow.
>> Oh, you you look uh
I mean, it's just uh that
that that dress uh
>> I hope the ends of these sentences are
good.
>> Oh, they're they're good. It's just been
a while since I have seen you like this.
You you clean up good.
>> Aw,
well, thank you.
Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like
that. Last time that happened, that
happened.
>> Oh, right. Right.
So, are you uh you excited about your
your first night away from Emma?
>> Yeah. Yeah, Phoebe and I are going to
have so much fun. And thank you for
watching the baby, by the way.
>> Oh, it's fine. Actually, I I invited
Mike over.
>> Phoebe's Mike?
>> Yeah.
>> I didn't know that you guys hung out.
>> So, we don't, but I thought it'd be nice
to get to know him. You know, maybe have
a little dinner, drinks, conversation.
>> Aw, that's so cute. Ross and Mike's
first date.
>> GREAT.
>> HEY, ROSS IS HERE. HEY, LOOK, IT'S MY
good friend Ross. Hey, Ross.
>> Hey, Joey.
Hey, dude.
>> Hey, and oh, look, and he brought
flowers. Oh, thanks, Ross. I'm really
more of a candy kind of guy.
>> You're weird today.
Listen, I uh
I wanted to talk to you about something.
>> Yeah, actually, um I kind of need to
talk to you, too.
>> Uh Joey, can you give us a minute?
>> No.
>> What?
>> I'm sorry. I meant no.
>> Okay. Wait up.
>> Hi.
>> Congratulations.
I didn't want to say anything in front
of Joey cuz I didn't know if he knew
yet.
>> What? That we had a baby? Let's give him
a little credit.
Although, he did eat a piece of plastic
fruit earlier.
>> No, no, but you and Rachel are engaged.
>> What?
>> Oh, it's It's
Oh, goody. Yes. Oh, we haven't done the
secret thing in a long time.
>> Phoebe, there is no secret, okay? I
didn't propose.
>> Are you lying? Is this like that time
you tried to convince us you were a
doctor?
>> I am a doctor.
You know what? I'm just going to go and
and talk to Rachel myself.
>> All right. I'll meet you.
Well, should we wake her up?
>> No. No.
Come on, let her sleep. She's so
exhausted.
>> Yet so engaged. Dum dum dum.
>> Oh my god. She She thinks we're engaged.
Why? Why? Why would she think we're
engaged?
>> Perhaps because you gave her an
engagement ring?
You know, Ross, doctors are supposed to
be smart.
>> I didn't give her that ring.
>> You didn't?
>> No.
>> So, whose ring is it?
>> It's mine.
>> Is it an engagement ring?
>> Yes.
>> But you didn't give it to her?
>> No.
>> But you were going to propose?
>> No.
>> Huh. I might be losing interest in this.
>> Look.
Look, my mom gave me that ring because
she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but
all I wanted to do was see if she maybe
kind of wanted to start things up again.
>> Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment.
>> Look, I didn't want to rush into
anything, and it seemed like she didn't
want to either. But I don't I don't
understand how how any of this happened.
What? Did she find the ring in my
jacket, assume I was going to propose,
throw it on, and then just start telling
people?
>> No. No, she said you actually proposed
to her.
>> Well, I didn't. I didn't propose.
UNLESS
DID I?
I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 40 hours and
it does sound like something I would do.
Oh, I can't. I've I've got a date with
that waitress Katie. Yeah, I I know
we've only gone out like twice, but I
don't know. I have a really good feeling
about her.
>> Oh, I hear divorce bells.
>> All right.
Just give me your wallet and there won't
be a problem.
>> What?
>> I have a gun.
>> Oh, okay. Just just relax, Phoebe. Just
stay calm.
Oh my god, I can't FIND MY WALLET.
>> ALL RIGHT, LADY.
NOW, GIVE ME YOUR PURSE.
>> NO.
>> What do you mean, no? I knew you'd be my
death, PHOEBE BUFFAY.
>> LYLE, IS THAT YOU?
>> PHOEBE?
>> OH MY GOD!
I'M SORRY, ROSS. THIS IS MY OLD FRIEND
LYLE from the streets.
Lyle, Ross.
>> Ross, nice to meet you. Uh real
pleasure.
>> IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
OH, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
I CAN'T BELIEVE you're still doing this.
>> Uh I know, but I quit smoking.
>> Good for you.
>> So, you look like you're doing really
well. I guess your mugging days are
behind you.
>> Oh.
>> Oh my god.
Phoebe, you used to mug people?
>> Excuse me, Ross.
Old friends catching up.
>> What kind of stuff do you think they'll
have you do there?
>> Well, it's a training program, but at
the end they hire the people they like.
>> That's great.
>> Yeah, I mean there's probably going to
be some grunt work, which will probably
stink. You know, grown man getting
people coffee is a little humiliating.
Humiliating and noble.
Thank you.
You know, if I didn't already have a
job, I I think I would have been really
good in advertising.
>> Ross, you did not come up with got milk.
>> Yes, I did. I did.
I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.
>> HEY.
>> I'm all packed and ready to go.
Oh. That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey
are going on a trip today. We're going
to a conference in Barbados.
>> Right?
>> Mhm.
>> Can you say Barbados?
>> Barbados.
>> I just got to say, it means so much to
me that you guys are coming all the way
over there to to hear me give my speech.
Oh, and I have a surprise.
I had to pull some strings, but I was
able to get everyone passes to the
entire conference. That's right.
These babies will get you into all the
paleontology lectures and seminars.
>> Do you have anything that will get us
out of them?
>> Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to
hear the speech, but the rest of the
time we're going to want to do, you
know, island stuff.
>> I think David will probably want to hear
a few lectures.
>> Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
>> No, no, well, because, you know, he's
been in Minsk for 8 years, and if he
gets too much direct sunlight, he'll
die.
>> Okay, we better go. Yeah? Um, so, we'll
see you guys tomorrow.
>> All right, let's do it. 5-hour flight
with Charlie, have a couple drinks, get
under that blanket, and do what comes
natural.
>> It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of
invisibility.
>> Hi.
>> Hi.
>> I just finished getting Phoebe all
dressed to meet Mike's parents. She's so
nervous.
>> It's so sweet.
>> Guess what? I made Emma laugh today.
>> You what? And I missed it because I was
giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?
>> Yeah, and it was a it was like a real
little person laugh, too. It was It WAS
LIKE UM
ONLY ONLY NOT CREEPY.
>> YEAH.
WELL, WELL, what did you do to make her
laugh?
>> I um
Well, I sang. Actually,
I rapped. Um
Baby Got Back.
>> What?
You sang to our baby daughter
a song about a guy who likes to have sex
with women with giant asses?
>> But, you know what? If you think about
it, it actually promotes a healthy uh
body image.
Because even big butts or uh juicy
doubles are
Please don't take her away from me.
>> Okay.
Uh please laugh for Mommy. Please.
Please laugh for Mommy.
Not funny, huh?
Also, is is it
only offensive novelty rap?
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general?
Cuz Mommy can rap.
My name is Mommy, and I'm here to say
that all the babies are Oh, I can't rap.
All right, sweetheart.
This is only because I love you so much,
and I know that you're not going to tell
anybody.
I like
big butts, and I cannot lie.
You other brothers can't deny.
When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty
waist and a round thing in your face,
you get YES, YES.
OH, I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.
YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY.
OH, EMMA, YOU'RE LAUGHING. OH, you are.
You really do like big butts. Don't you?
Don't you? Oh, you
Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
Oh.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, you missed it. SHE WAS LAUGHING. OH,
it was amazing. It was amazing. It was
the most beautiful beautiful sound.
>> Oh, I know. Isn't it? Oh, what did you
do to get her to laugh?
>> Oh,
you know, I just a couple little things
I tried different. Just saying little
Itsy Bitsy Spider.
>> You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?
>> Nothing else worked. That girl is all
about the ass.
>> She sweat, wet, got it going like a
turbo vet.
>> So, fellas.
>> Yeah.
>> Fellas.
>> Yeah.
>> Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?
>> HELL YEAH.
>> SO, SHAKE IT.
>> SHAKE IT.
>> Shake it.
>> Shake it.
>> Shake that nasty butt.
>> Baby got back.
>> One more time from the top. I LIKE BIG
BUTTS and I cannot lie.
You other brothers
>> Rachel, please. That is so
inappropriate.
>> SO,
WELCOME.
>> HEY.
>> I got beer.
>> I got bottled breast milk.
>> Yeah, why don't we start with the beer?
>> Okay.
So, um
Phoebe tells me you you play piano.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, I I used to play keyboards in
college.
>> Huh? Do you have one here?
>> No.
>> Okay.
>> Um I you know, I'm
divorced.
Phoebe Phoebe says you you've been
divorced.
>> Yeah.
Yeah, I'm I'm sorry. I don't I don't
really like to talk about it.
>> That's okay. We'll we'll talk about
something else.
>> So you're a a paleontologist, right?
>> Yeah.
>> My cousin's a paleontologist.
>> Huh?
>> Well, he and I would probably have a lot
to talk about.
I promise, first thing tomorrow we'll
find another doctor, but I got to go to
Burleigh and I'm not feeling all that
well.
>> What? Why why why why you not feeling
well? What do you have? Is it rubella?
Because don't go near Emma. She has not
had that shot.
>> You know, come to think of it it it does
feel rubella-like.
>> WEINER!
WEINER!
>> WEINER! WEINER!
>> RACHEL!
>> WAIT!
NOW HE'S GOING TO KNOW IT WAS ME!
>> I COULD JUST lie here all day.
>> Oh, no.
Open your drapes. Open your drapes.
>> So glad we got adjoining rooms.
>> THE SUN IS OUT!
>> HEY, remember when I had Corneas?
>> Okay, listen, you go down to the pool
and reserve the chairs and I'll get the
magazines and the lotion.
>> Uh ladies, Ross's speech is in 45
minutes.
>> Oh, NO!
>> DAMN IT!
>> WALLS ARE PRETTY THIN, GUYS.
>> THEN WE have to weigh the data from
recent MRI scans and DNA testing,
which call into question information
gathered from years of simple carbon
dating.
>> Look at that woman sitting out by the
pool getting tan.
So leathery and wrinkled. I'M SO
JEALOUS.
>> FINALLY, FACTOR IN THE profusion of new
species recently discovered,
Giganotosaurus,
Argentinosaurus,
>> not to mention coldsaurus.
>> And that's just the herbivores. I'm not
even going to discuss the carnivores. Uh
their heads are already too big, which
is ironic considering their stunted
CEREBRAL DEVELOPMENT.
>> HI.
>> HEY.
>> LISTEN, I WANTED to ask you something
about marriage.
>> Oh great, now you're seeking me out to
make jokes? I mean, I could see if we're
all hanging out, but to come TO MY HOME.
>> NO, I really want to know how you feel
about it.
>> Why?
>> Mike doesn't ever want to get married.
>> Never?
>> Never.
>> Wow. Well, you you still going to move
in with him?
>> Well, I want to, but I just wanted you
to tell me that marriage really isn't
that big a deal, you know, that I won't
I won't be missing out on anything. That
marriage stinks.
>> Yeah, marriage stinks.
I mean, if you want to see a man gain
weight and a woman stop shaving, get him
married.
>> That's not how you really feel, is it?
>> No, I'm sorry.
Look, I I know it's not what you want to
hear right now, but I can't help it. I I
love marriage.
>> Seriously? You, divorcer?
>> If you have to call me a name, I prefer
Ross the divorcer. It's just cooler.
Look, look, I know my marriages didn't
exactly work out, but
you know, I I loved being that committed
to another person. And Carol and I had
some good times before she became a
lesbian
and once afterward.
Anyway, I'm I'm sorry.
>> It's okay. That's how you feel.
>> But come on, I mean, living together
will be great. I mean, you guys have so
much fun and you love Mike.
>> I do love Mike.
>> Ah, see? And you were so excited about
moving in together before and you know
what? You should be. It's a big deal.
>> Yeah, I guess you're right.
Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.
>> The divorcer to the rescue.
>> It's not cooler.
>> Yeah, I just heard it.
>> So going to get back at Ross.
>> Oh, yeah?
>> This'll show him.
>> Here we go.
>> What are you doing?
>> Oh, you'll see, MY FRIEND.
I'M DEAD?
>> And so young.
>> Posting that I died? That really isn't
funny.
>> Well, how you died was funny.
>> Oh, please. Hit by a blimp?
>> It kills over one Americans every year.
>> Unbelievable. My classmates are going to
think I'm dead. My professors, my my
parents are going to get phone calls.
You're messing with people's feelings
here.
>> Oh, you want to talk about people's
feelings? You should have heard how hurt
Professor Stern was yesterday when I
told him I wouldn't be able to go with
him TO KEY WEST.
>> YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED the line here, but
that's okay. It's okay cuz I'm on my way
to buy some Photoshop software and a
stack of gay porn. That's right. Your
coming out's about to get real graphic.
Excuse me. Um
is there a woman waiting at the bar? Um
someone average height, dark hair, or
perhaps doing a puzzle?
>> Uh
there's a drunk Chinese guy.
>> Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy
him a drink on me.
>> Uh can I get you another glass of wine?
>> Uh I don't know if I should. I don't
want to be drunk when I
go home alone.
>> You got stood up, huh?
>> Uh it's no big deal. It's just a blind
date.
>> Are you worried your date came, saw you,
and left?
>> No.
All I ever wanted was to just love him
and have him love me back.
I mean, am I so unlovable?
>> Wow.
>> I know.
>> Thank you so much for letting me do
this. Public bathrooms freak me out. I
can't even pee, let alone do anything
else.
>> But what's great is you don't mind
talking about it.
>> God, it's so amazing that I met you on
the same day that Eric broke up with me
cuz it's like you lose a boyfriend,
you get a boyfriend.
>> Uh-huh.
>> No, no, no, don't worry. This is not
some rebound thing. I am totally over
Eric.
>> PHEW.
>> GOOD CHOICE, ROSS.
>> I'M SO GLAD SOMEONE'S HERE. Could you
zip me up?
>> Uh
sure.
>> Thank you. Can you believe no one
between my apartment and here offered to
do that for me?
>> People.
So, uh
why are you so dressed up?
>> Oh, um Mike's picking me up for a date.
>> Oh, yeah. Now, how's that going? Is it
getting serious?
>> I don't know. I don't know.
I mean, you know, I like him.
But, you know, am I ready to take my
grade A loins off the meat market? I'm
not quite sure.
>> You know, I I really admire your your
whole dating attitude. It's so healthy.
I'm always like, is this moving too
fast? Is this moving too slow? Where
where is this going?
>> Yeah, you know, you are a bit of a drama
queen.
>> But, you know, you're so much better
off, you know? You just go from guy to
guy having fun and not worrying that it
never turns into anything serious.
>> I wouldn't say never.
You know, there was that guy.
Okay, well, what about
Okay, well, there's got to be someone.
>> There isn't. That's what I'm saying.
>> Oh my god, you're right.
>> And yet, here you are, all ready for the
next date.
>> I can't believe I never realized this
before.
I'm in my 30s and I've never been in a
long-term relationship?
Oh my god, what's wrong with me?
>> No, no, no. No,
um there's there's nothing wrong with
you. I mean,
you don't strike me as the type of
person who wants to get married anyway.
>> I want to get married?
>> Please. Please don't cry because of me.
I Phoebe, I don't know what I'm talking
about, okay? I've been divorced three
times.
>> Yeah, well, at least you've been
married. Oh my god, I want to trade
LIVES WITH ROSS?
THAT'S REALLY
>> OH, thank you so much.
>> oh, and so funny.
>> Okay, all right, thanks. Thanks so much.
You guys I can't tell you how much it
means to me that you were here.
>> Are you kidding? We wouldn't have missed
it.
>> Yeah.
Oh.
I'm back.
>> Okay, um
excuse me? Yeah.
>> Hey.
Well?
>> You were incredible. You blew them away.
>> Oh, I can't tell you how great it was to
look out at the crowd and see your face.
I mean, did you know you were you were
mouthing the words along with me?
>> I was not.
>> No, it's okay. Made me feel like like a
rock star.
>> Oh my god, I'm your groupie.
>> Yeah.
I better not find you naked in my hotel
room.
Look, I I took it too far.
>> Welcome to the Chestnut Inn, Mr. Bing.
So, where are you joining us from?
>> New York. The Big Apple.
I'm sorry, he's a little bit wound up.
We had to stop at every maple candy
stand on the way here.
>> I ate all my gifts for everybody.
>> I'm sorry, Mr. Bing, there's no record
of your reservation in the computer.
>> Well, that's impossible. Can you check
again, please?
>> CHECK AGAIN, PLEASE.
>> I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT HERE.
>> Not there?
>> Let me get this straight.
I called yesterday to try to cancel my
reservation, was told it's not
refundable. Then, we drove 6 hours all
the way up here, and now you're telling
me that we don't have a reservation?
>> I don't know what to say.
>> She doesn't know what to say.
>> Just give us the cheapest room you have.
>> Unfortunately, the only thing we have
available is our deluxe suite. The rate
is $600.
>> That's insane.
>> It is totally insane. Dude, let's drive
home. We'll hit all the maple candy
stores on the way back, and if if
they're closed, then maybe we'll we'll
tap a tree and make some ourselves.
>> Does that room have a closet I can lock
him in?
We'll take it.
>> Great.
>> Look, they're totally ripping us off.
>> Dude, don't worry about it. I know how
we can make your money back. This is a
nice hotel, you know, plenty of
amenities. We just load up on those.
Like those apples. Instead of taking
one, um I take six.
>> Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.
>> Come on, you you get the idea. You know,
we we'll make our money back in no time.
>> Dude, you're shaking.
>> I think it's the sugar. Could you hold
the apple?
Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206. Um
I seem to have forgotten a couple of
things. Could Could you have some
complimentary toiletries sent up to my
room?
Thank you. Okay, um
toothbrush, toothpaste, razor,
mouthwash, deodorant, dental floss,
Band-Aids, shaving cream, aftershave.
And I feel like I'm forgetting
something. Um is there anything else you
you have that I haven't asked for
already?
Yeah, go ahead. Send up some tampons.
>> What'd you get?
>> USA Today.
>> Nice. Put it with the others.
>> And I also got two more apples.
>> We're four short of a bushel.
>> God, I feel so alive. I love being in
the country.
>> I also
got these great salt and pepper shakers
from the restaurant.
>> Ooh, that's not cool.
>> Dude, none of this is cool.
>> Look, Chandler, you you have to find the
line between stealing and and taking
what the hotel owes you. Um for example,
a hairdryer, no, no, no. But shampoos
and conditioners, oh yes, yes, yes.
Now the the salt shaker is off limits. I
but
the salt
I wish I thought this through.
>> I think I get what you mean now. Like
the the lamp is is the hotel's, but the
bulbs
I You already got that.
>> Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
>> Okay, yeah.
How about this?
>> No, no, no, you can't take the remote
control.
>> Yes, but the batteries.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Ooh, let's let's celebrate with some
maple candy.
>> No.
At least TELL ME WHERE YOU HID IT.
>> Here's your copy of the bill. We hope
you enjoyed your stay.
>> Oh, we did, and you still have all your
lamps.
>> I didn't factor in the room tax.
>> Oh, dude, don't worry about it. Uh I
found an unattended maid's cart. We're
way ahead of the game.
>> Oh my god.
>> What?
>> There's There's something new in the
bowl.
>> Look, we have enough. Just walk away.
>> No,
but I I want I want the pine cones.
>> There's a forest right outside.
>> It's not the same.
>> Okay, go quick.
>> Go, go, go.
Thank you for a delightful stay.
>> MY MAPLE CANDY.
>> I DON'T THINK THAT JOEY AND CHARLIE have
anything in common.
>> I don't know. They seem to have a shared
interest in each other's tonsils.
>> Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you
imagine if they had kids? And if if the
kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw
sexual magnetism, those nerds would get
laid.
All right, so we're also you with all
this? I mean
>> Yeah, it's no big deal. I mean, I just
met her. I'm fine with it.
Ugh,
God, I forgot how hot she was.
I'm going to get some more coffee.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you.
>> Okay.
So, a professor, huh?
>> Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart.
Her mind is totally acrimonious.
Guess that's not how she used it.
>> I feel like I owe you an explanation.
I don't ordinarily go around kissing
guys at parties.
I'm uh
Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.
I really hope you don't think less of
me.
>> No, think less of you? No, I don't think
less of you. I mean, you you saw someone
you liked and you kissed them. Uh those
people who who like someone and and
don't kiss them, those those people are
stupid. I hate those people.
>> You know, actually, I'm a little
surprised at myself. I mean, Joey is so
different from the guys I usually date.
I mean, they're all professors,
intellectuals, paleontologists mostly.
You know, very cerebral
>> the type.
Hey, if we want to uh grab a bite before
work, we better get acrimonious.
No?
Am I getting close?
Well, the super's not home. But but hey,
you know what? My mother's going to be
here in a minute and she has the key.
>> I can't wait that long. You have to do
something. Knock that door down.
>> I would, but I bruise like a peach.
Besides, you know, everything's going to
be fine. The the baby's sleeping.
>> But what if she jumped out of the
bassinet?
>> Can't hold her own head up, but yeah,
jumped.
>> Oh my god, I left the water running.
>> But you did not leave the water running.
Please, just just pull yourself
together, okay?
>> What did I leave the stove on?
>> You haven't cooked since 1996.
>> Is the window open? Because if the
window's open, A BIRD COULD FLY in there
and
>> Oh my god, you know what? I think you're
right. I think you know what? Listen.
Listen. A pigeon. No.
No way. No, no. An eagle flew in.
Landed on the stove and CAUGHT FIRE.
THE BABY, SEEING THIS, jumps across the
apartment to the mighty bird's aid.
The eagle, however, misconstrues this as
an act of aggression and grabs the baby
in its talent. Meanwhile, the faucet
fills the apartment with water.
Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked
in a desperate swirling around the
whirlpool that FILLS THE APARTMENT.
>> BOY, ARE YOU GOING TO BE SORRY IF THAT'S
TRUE.
Can you ask him to get me a muffin?
>> Oh, sure. What kind?
>> Um let me think.
What do I want?
What do I want?
>> Please take your time. It's an important
decision. Not like, say, I don't know,
deciding to marry someone. This is about
a muffin.
>> Blueberry.
>> Blueberry it is.
>> Thank you.
Wow, he's really not letting this go, is
he?
>> God, how long do you think that's going
to last?
>> Well, I don't know. He got over the we
were on a break thing really quickly.
>> I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial
service.
>> Corey?
Corey Weston?
>> Yeah.
>> You look amazing.
>> And you are?
>> Chandler. Chandler Bing. And I'm not
gay. I'm not gay at all.
>> You are married, though.
>> Don't listen to him. He's in a really
bad mood.
>> I can't believe that Ross is gone. It is
just so sad.
>> I didn't know Ross and you were so
close.
>> Oh, we weren't. But we had one class
together. He was such a great guy.
And he talked so passionately about
science.
I always remembered him.
>> I'm sure that would mean a lot to him.
And if heaven has a door,
I'm sure he's pressing his ear up
against it and listening intently.
>> I thought so many times about calling
him and asking him out.
I guess I really missed my chance.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T!
I'M STILL ALIVE!
COREY, I I KNOW THIS is a big surprise
for you. It's a long story, but the
things you just said really made my day.
I mean, the fact that you were here
means more to me than than if this room
were filled with people.
>> You sick freak! Who does that? I can't
believe I had a crush on you.
>> Did you hear that?
Corey Weston had a crush on me!
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