F.F.F
By
周震南 Vin Zhou
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I think I’m confused
My deepest soul is fading and disappearing
Two people talking
One showed me how to love
Another one told me ‘You gotta kill them’
That’s why people called them
Angel and demon
Good versus evil
I’m afraid to face them
B**** I’m suffering!
That’s what happened
Every night I have been tortured by pain
‘We should try to give people more love’
‘Not my business, F*** off’
‘We don’t have any right to judge’
‘He’s definitely trying to make up a lie for us’
‘I’m good with the quit and strove with none’
‘I’ll be the greatest as f***’
‘I don’t care the money and the fame’
‘I’m gonna buy the fancy clothes drive the fastest cars’
More than 700 days
I’ve been taking a long rest but I feel more tired
Tryna calm but sometimes art’s come from my anger
I believe in Buddha
Always showing love but I know I’m a liar
Tryna control violence in my head
but still wanna kill that motherf*****
Have you ever doubted your faith?
And tryna raise a few questions？
God hath leaden feet, but iron hands
That’s why I’m confused
All I see is a lot of people their own life has been taken
I’m not a Christian but for somehow I’m praying
I’m praying
For everybody
For you
For me
For someone who’s pure and has loyalty
I’m praying cuz I know it
People gotta show their true love forever
Ok I’m done I feel calm
Just wanna ask you something
Things you’ve told me, I found it
But why is that all wrong？
I’m confused
I wonder why the truth is gone
When I need someone to save me
Why don’t you respond?
Now you blame me for I’m losing soul and faith
Tell me what’s the price for being a human I gotta pay
I’m not done yet
I know there’s something beautiful I gotta find it
I don’t believe in destiny
There’s only judge and punish
如果要殺死一個人
只能選擇用一種兇器
讓他帶著愧疚活著會比利刃更加鋒利
選擇逃離將我自己封閉
僅存的善意正審視著我並發出抗議
蜷縮在那沙發邊的縫隙
等待著倒計時
等待著最後被迫放棄
面對這突如其來的痛擊
我無法接受現實
此刻顯得無比抗拒
盯著破碎不堪的螢幕
投影出我做錯的臉
深呼吸以後
習慣性地閉上我沒落的眼
安慰自己
人性有錯落的面
戒不掉的懦弱
我一次又一次墮落地撿
默默地演
演一條落魄的犬
種種行為都幼稚得像是個未破的繭
沒兌現過的言
沒能趕上最後一面
算來算去後悔是否來得太過多了點
所以 我試著去彌補這些事呢
去習慣被人怒吼
去習慣被人棄捨
去習慣被人遺忘
去習慣無能為力
想要保護她
奈何我只是個可悲的戲子
是的
我全部通通記得
曾經選擇忘記的
我現在選擇記得
我現在把我自己剖開
希望你感到赤誠而不是感到赤裸
我曾經講出謊言
試圖躲入那些個假話
我曾經想要得到同情
把多處的痛苦誇大
我曾經眼睜睜的看著多數的人被打壓
我曾經目睹這一切後做多數人做的啞巴
我曾經面對珍視的事說不
說無傷大雅
後來也會想方設法去拖住某一個刹那
我曾經為了讓她開心說出編出的大話
最後沒能兌現她告訴我說 沒事的 傻瓜
曾經逃避那些挫折
把錯誤怪罪給爸爸
曾經把憤怒的情緒過度地帶給了媽媽
曾經看著她痛哭後
被錯付的情緒夾雜
他們看我的眼神
從充滿愛意到充滿了害怕
講到這些犯過的錯
淚流得不止
我無法挽回這一篇篇
無法回頭的故事
每一次叫醒自己告誡自己
最後也如此
講出些偽善的藉口
隨後又感到很無恥
我的神啊
我無法分清我的善偽
但是你能否聽到我的這一句句懺悔
每一次失去後來的反悔
這馬後炮的嘴臉現在讓我感到反胃
很慚愧
我真心感到慚愧
躲在角落不敢面對的我像個殘廢
Wake up wake up wake up and fight
我不想他們再次為了我悲傷而含淚
