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I'm gonna do that. I'm going to call him
up and I'm gonna ask him out.
>> I can do that. Ask him out. How you
doing? [laughter]
>> Hi Joshua. It's Rachel Green from
Bloomingdales.
Yeah. Um I was just wondering if you um
if you um
left your wallet at the store today.
Okay. Now, this one is rare. This one is
medium. Well, now go, go, go. Hey,
Phoebe. Hey. Hey, have dinner. DINNER
WAS GOOD. JUST SAY HI. NOW, I'M GOING TO
GO.
WELL,
>> hello there.
I didn't see this on the menu.
Tim, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is
Tim, my new sue chef.
>> Oh, so you're Monica's boss?
>> Actually, she's my boss. Sue is is
French for under.
>> Ah, I sue stand.
>> Hey, Tim. I need a calamari and a Caesar
salad. And um could you give me the
pesto? Yeah.
>> You you made pesto?
>> Yes, I did.
>> Would you say your pesto is the best?
>> I I don't know, but I I would say it's
pretty good. [laughter]
>> I still need the calamari and the Caesar
salad.
>> I like your necklace.
>> Oh, I made it myself.
>> You are so talented.
>> Well, it's no pesto. [laughter]
>> All right. All right. Let's just cut to
the chase. Okay. You're single. You're
single. He gets off work at 11:00.
She'll be waiting for your call. I'll
give him your number if I could just get
ONE CALAMARI AND ONE CAESAR SALAD.
>> I did not yell. I am not putting a
dollar in the jar.
>> I'm sorry about last night and I really
want to make it up to you.
>> No, you you know there's no need to make
it up. How? [laughter]
Well, I was thinking maybe a um a
[clears throat] romantic dinner with um
candles and wine and then uh maybe going
back to my place for um dessert.
>> That sounds perfect. [laughter]
>> What's this? You get us a couple of
beers.
>> How How are we going to mess with them?
>> Well, you could use your position, you
know, as the roommate, and then I would
use, you know, the strongest tool at my
disposal, my sexuality.
>> Hello, children.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. Watch, learn, and don't eat my
cookie.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
Wow, that jacket looks great on you.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. The material looks so soft. Oh,
hello Mr. Bicep.
Have
>> you been working out?
>> Well, I try to, you know, squeeze
things. [laughter]
[laughter]
>> You okay?
>> Well, if you really want to know, I Oh,
I can't tell you this.
>> Maybe it's me. You can tell me anything.
Well, actually, you're the one person I
can't tell this to and the one person I
want to the most. [laughter]
>> What's going on?
>> I think it's just, you know, that I
haven't been with a guy in so long and
you know how sometimes you're looking
for something and you just don't even
see that it's right there in front of
you sipping coffee.
>> Oh, no. Have I said too much?
>> Okay, let me just get changed and we can
go to dinner.
>> We're always have to dress up his body.
I'm not telling you have to see it on
TV.
>> You don't know, do you?
>> No. Couldn't care less.
>> Hey, good scene, man. Hey, you, too. All
right.
>> What? You weren't in it. [laughter]
>> Oh, uh, Cash. This is my friend Rachel.
Rachel. Cash. Cash. Rachel.
>> Hi.
>> How come I haven't seen you here before?
>> Well, Joey probably just thinks I'll
embarrass him. Yeah. He thinks I'm some
some kind of a soap opera nut,
>> which I'm not. I'm not. [laughter]
Although, I do know that your uh your
favorite ice cream flavor is butter
pecan.
And uh and that your your dog's name is
Wall-E.
>> Oh, look at that. I'm just stroking your
arm.
>> Here we go. There we go.
>> Oh, really? Bye, Cash. Say hi to Wall-E.
I just love the beginning parts of
relationships, you know? You just like
can't keep your hands off each other.
>> I know. It is the best. Oh god. So So
how long did that last for you and
Chandler?
[laughter]
>> What? It's still going on.
>> Come on. Seriously, when did it end?
>> I am serious. I mean, we're we're all
over each other all the time.
>> Okay. Well, you know where you are
better than I do. I was just curious.
>> Why don't you just calm down, Phoebe?
All right.
Now, why don't you just get all your
facts before you run around telling
everybody that, you know, you're the
only hot couple.
God, I woke the beast. Um,
>> I was wrong. Obviously, I just I
misspoke. It's okay.
>> It is okay. I mean, as long as you know
that Chandler and I are also very hot
and fiery. I mean, just as hot as you. I
mean, our flame. Woo! It is on fire.
>> Hey, Monica, here's your broom back.
>> You are so cute.
>> Your situation?
Oh, well, it's complicated. I don't
actually have a boyfriend, but um
>> And can I have your number?
>> I'm sorry. No.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, sure.
>> Oh my god. You're giving your real
number.
>> Okay. Thanks. I'll give you a call later
tonight.
>> Bye.
>> Bye.
>> Wow. So, that's great. You, Bill, Ross,
and Emma are going to be so happy
together. [laughter]
>> What were you thinking?
>> I don't know. He was cute and he liked
me. It was an impulse.
>> But what about Ross? What about your
moment? Don't you want to talk to Ross
about it?
>> No. No, cuz I know exactly how the
conversation's going to go. Hey, Ross.
You know, I think we had a moment
before. Yeah. [clears throat]
Me, too.
Well, but I'm not sure I really want to
do anything about it. Yeah,
[clears throat] me neither. H. Well,
should we just continue to live together
and not really tell each other how we're
really feeling?
>> Yeah, that works for me.
>> Come in.
I've been waiting for you.
[laughter]
>> HI. I JUST WANT OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.
MICHAEL. Oh my god. Okay. I'm sorry.
Sorry. I I was um I was taking a nap.
Since when do you take NAPS IN THAT
POSITION?
OH GOD, MONICA, TELL me you were waiting
for a guy. Please tell me you're waiting
for a guy.
>> Yes. Yes, I was a guy from work.
I'm seeing a guy from work. Ha.
[laughter]
That cute waiter guy from your
restaurant. The one that looks like a
non-threatening ray, Leotaa.
>> Uhhuh. [laughter]
That one. You know what? Just give me a
second. I'll be out of your hair. I'm
just going to grab a jacket. When I get
back, I want every little detail.
>> Maybe that's him.
>> Okay. Um [laughter] Okay. Um
it's just Joey and Ross.
>> Why aren't you guys at the movie?
>> Well, we were, but Ross was talking so
loud on his phone, they threw us out.
>> I had to talk loud because the movie was
loud. [laughter]
>> He's talking to London.
>> Oh my god. Hey, did he get in touch with
Emily?
>> Well, no, not yet. He's calling everyone
on her side of the family, hoping that
someone will help him get in touch with
her.
>> I I don't care if I said some other
girl's name, you prissy old twit.
>> Ross, way to suck up to the family.
[laughter]
>> I'm so glad you guys are all here. My
office finally got wrinkle-free fax
paper. I mean, maybe you were on the
right track with that whole, you know,
spontaneous thing. I mean, women really
like that.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, if it
were me, I I', you know, I'd want you to
>> what?
>> I don't might catch me off guard, you
know, with like a really
good kiss,
you know, really sort of um soft at
first
and then maybe um brush the hair away
from my face
>> and then look far into my eyes
in a way that lets me know something
amazing is about to happen.
Mhm.
[laughter]
>> And then I don't know, then you'd you'd
pull me really close to you so that so
that I'd be pressed up, you know, right
against you
and um it would get kind of
sweaty
and uh and blurry.
and that it's just happening.
>> Thanks, R. Good night.
[laughter]
>> I'm quitting. I just helped an
81year-old woman put on a thong and she
didn't even buy it.
I'm telling you, I'm quitting. That's
it. I'm talking to my boss right now.
Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I
am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Okay, bye.
Call me when you get this message.
>> Oh, Mr. Waltham, I uh really need to
talk to you.
>> In a moment, please. I'm in the middle
of a task and you have a customer.
>> Hi.
>> Hi. I'm Joshua.
>> Hi, I'm Rachel Green. What can I do for
you, Joshua?
>> Well, uh, I need a whole new wardrobe.
My wife, well, my exwife.
>> Oh, I'm so sorry.
Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I
got away with two things. This suit and
what turned out to be a uh skirt.
>> At least that's a great suit.
>> Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it
off at the dry cleaners in the skirt.
[laughter]
>> So, I need everything down to underwear.
So, if you're willing, I'm uh I'm all
yours.
Okay,
>> Rachel, you needed to speak to me.
>> No, no, that wasn't me.
>> Well, we should get started. Let me show
you my underwear.
>> The selection of underwear that we
carry. [laughter]
>> Oh, I'm sorry. It's this way. It's this
way.
>> It's this way. Sorry. [laughter]
[gasps]
Would
you like to go to a basketball game with
You know, it's funny basketball because
I happen to have tickets to the
[laughter]
um
who likes the Nick. [laughter]
>> What do you think? Oh, well, as a single
woman who is available,
I think you look great.
>> Huh? Huh?
>> Yep. Oh, yeah. You look great.
[laughter]
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, this looks great.
>> Um, so you like it?
>> I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think
I'm going to wear it home.
>> Great.
>> All right. Well, thank you so much for
all your help.
>> Sure.
>> Well, I guess uh I guess this is it.
>> Thanks. Maybe I'll see you in the
spring, you know, with the uh for the
bathing suits.
>> Well, well, you don't want to do that
now. [laughter]
>> That's okay. I
>> Anyway, hopefully I I'll see you around
sometime.
>> Basketball.
[laughter]
>> Sorry.
>> I uh I have two tickets to the Knicks
game tonight if you're interested. just
as a thank you for this week.
>> Wow, that would be great.
>> Really?
>> Yeah, that would be fantastic. My my
nephew is crazy about the Knicks.
>> This is fantastic. Thank you so much,
Rachel.
>> Good morning.
>> Hi.
>> Okay, for next [music] time, what do you
say?
>> I have an extra ticket. an extra ticket.
Not two tickets. I have an extra ticket.
[laughter]
>> So, the first time you asked a guy out,
he he turned you down. [laughter]
>> He didn't turn me down. He's at the
game, isn't he? I got the date. I'm just
not on it.
>> Oh, yeah. I let him check out my kitchen
floors.
>> A 98. I deducted two points because
you're not wearing your chef's hat. And
that is a section 5 violation.
>> Um, look, Larry, honey,
um, I wrote the book on section 5 and I
know that you don't have to wear your
hat unless you're in the kitchen.
>> And where is your hat?
>> It's in the kitchen. I'll go get it.
>> Ah, there's the two points. [laughter]
>> Hey, you should really read that book
you wrote.
[cheering]
>> Wow. You saw the hat in the kitchen and
you knew she'd have to go in there
hatless to get it.
>> Hey, glad you could make it. Thanks for
coming.
>> Oh my god, Kyle. Louder.
>> I love you. [laughter]
>> Hey, that's why I didn't invite you. You
have to calm down. All right, just go go
get yourself a drink or something.
>> Oh, yeah. That's what you want. My
inhibition's lowered.
>> Hey, Joey said no autographs. But if
she's getting one, I want one, too. to
Monica and none of this best wishes
crap. I want love.
>> Okay. Actually, uh, man, Matthew was was
giving me his phone number.
>> Oh, man. If I had known I was coming to
this party, I never would have gotten
married. [laughter]
>> It's nice to meet you, Rachel.
>> Nice to meet you.
>> Call me.
>> We will.
>> Look at you with all the guys.
>> Guess you forgotten all about Joey.
>> Yeah, well, I guess I guess I have
forgotten about Joey. And clearly you've
forgotten about Chandler.
Please. Chandler's the love of my life.
Oo, leather pants. Have mercy.
All I really want is one great night.
Just sex, you know, no strings attached,
no relationship, just with someone that
I feel comfortable with and who knows
what he's doing for just one great
night. I mean, is that really so hard
to find?
>> [laughter]
>> So, how how was your day?
>> Good. I uh I saw a pretty big pigeon.
[laughter]
>> Well, I got to get up early and it's
almost 7:00. So,
>> I got I got to throw it in my room, too.
>> Good night.
>> Good night.
>> I CAN'T DO IT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO
[laughter] DO IT.
>> You're Rachel.
>> YOU'RE JOEY.
>> YOU'RE MY FRIEND. IT'S
>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
>> PLUS, it would be wrong and weird and
and and and bad
>> and so bad. I don't even know what
you're talking about because I didn't
ask you to do anything.
>> I know.
[laughter]
>> You want to do it?
>> No.
>> Me neither. I'M JUST TESTING YOU. HEY,
WELL THAT'S THE END OF THIS
CONVERSATION.
>> THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
>> HAPPENED.
>> GOOD NIGHT.
>> Get back in there.
>> Then are you going to dump Jason? Well,
yeah, because I have to break up with
someone and Okay. So, Jason is
sensitive, but now so's Vince. Plus,
Vince has the body, you know, so
it's really just about the math,
>> Jason.
>> Yeah. Come on in,
[laughter]
>> Phoebe, you sounded kind of serious on
the phone. Is uh is anything wrong?
>> Nuh-uh.
>> Who sold a story to Archie Comics?
>> Oh my god, that's so great. Oh wow.
[laughter]
>> YOU'RE A PUBLISH WRITER. I WISH I HAD A
PRESENT FOR YOU.
>> Wait a minute.
My last kid could get more.
[laughter]
>> You want to share it?
>> Okay, you guys. Here's Danny. Watch.
Just watch this.
See? Still pretending he's not
interested.
[laughter]
>> Okay, he's coming over. Just pretend
like we don't know him. We've forgotten
who he is.
>> Hey guys. Hey.
[laughter]
>> Oh, Danny.
>> Danny. You know Rachel. You know, she
she's nice. She's not bad to look at,
right? Thanks, man.
>> Of course. Do you want to go out on a
date with her? Monica,
[clears throat]
>> absolutely. Is Friday. Okay.
>> Friday is perfect. She can't wait.
>> On the date, I will be able to talk to
her directly, right? [laughter]
See,
>> okay. What the hell was that? You know
what? Don't answer me.
>> I have a date with Danny. [laughter]
So, what' you guys think?
[laughter]
>> HEY,
hold on. Please show it to your mom.
>> Mommy. Mommy.
>> So, what did you think?
>> Well,
that was um okay.
>> It wasn't the best. That was one of the
worst things ever. [laughter]
And not just on TV.
>> What are we going to tell him?
>> Well, the the lighting was okay.
>> Oh, no you don't. You got lighting last
time. Lighting is mine.
>> I have costume.
>> Oh, great. That means I'm stuck with So,
we were watching you in there and you
were sitting right here. Whoa.
>> What are you going to do, Feb?
>> I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie
to him again. Oh, no. I'm No, I'm just
going to press my breasts up against
him.
and say nothing.
>> Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. [laughter]
>> Wow. Well, my folks really liked it.
>> So, what did you guys think?
[laughter]
>> It wasn't that good.
>> I can't believe you came back.
>> Don't say anything.
I don't want to speak. I don't want to
think. I just want you to take me and
kiss me and make love to me right here,
right now.
>> Rachel,
>> Rachel,
>> what?
>> You missed the exit.
>> I make you take an oath?
>> No, I made myself take one. Yeah. No
fooling around with clients. And um
always be prepared. [laughter]
Yeah, that one's actually from the Boy
Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
[laughter]
>> Why don't you just give them to somebody
else?
>> No, I can handle it. No, I'm a
professional.
>> Oh, Fibs, is that a new ankle bracelet?
>> Well, and you got a pedicure. Your feet
are all dressed up
>> because that's the only part of you he
can see when he's on the table.
You're going to do some feet flirting.
>> I don't know what you're talking about.
[laughter]
>> Then how do you explain the tow ring?
>> Because it's Arabian princess day at
work. Okay, leave me alone.
>> Hey, what do you say we uh move this
onto the likes of the couch?
>> I say cheesy line, but okay.
>> [laughter]
[laughter]
>> What's the matter?
>> I I I don't know. I'm sorry. I I don't I
don't know why I did that. Okay. Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry again. I don't know. I don't
know what happened. I must be nervous.
>> I don't get it. Chandler loved it.
>> I promise. I promise. I promise I won't
do it again. I really do. I promise that
this is going to be great.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> [laughter]
>> Hey,
>> hey, got champagne.
>> Yes, ma'am. READY TO POWER THROUGH?
>> EXCELLENT. OKAY, stick it in the ice
bucket. The phone is off the hook. And
in the interest of powering through.
[laughter]
>> Okay. Sexy. Sexy. Very sexy. Sexy.
All right, let's do it.
>> Okay, you're scaring me a little bit.
>> Oh, get over it, soldier. We got to do
this.
>> Okay.
>> Okay. Haha. You like that, huh?
>> You like that? Let's kick this into high
gear, huh?
>> Yeah, baby. I'll show you how we do it.
>> No, no, no. You You need me in my
misters.
>> What? [laughter] Oh my god. I'm so
sorry.
>> Joey, [laughter]
are you okay?
>> Soldier down.
>> Hey, Chandler.
>> Okay.
>> And your horoscope says, "On the 5th, a
special someone is going to give you a
gift."
>> Oh, well, thank you in advance.
>> Oh, but the 12th brings a lover's spat.
>> You were going to make a joke about my
special present.
Why would you do that?
Oh, wait. And on the 19th, a secret
crush announces itself.
>> Hey guys. Hey.
>> Oh my god. IT'S JOEY TRIBION OF MAC AND
CHEESE.
[applause]
>> OH, that's right. It's your first day.
So, are you psyched to fight fake crime
with your robot sidekick?
>> Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV
series? I've dreamed about this for
years.
Why? Have I not been preparing?
[laughter]
>> No, Joey, you're going to be great.
>> But I got to act like a robot, thieves.
And And I don't know anything about
technology. I can't even use chainless
computers except to find porn.
[laughter]
And And that's only cuz it's right there
when you turn it on.
>> I think our lover's spat will start a
little early this month. I'll be
waiting.
>> Wanted to.
>> Interesting.
[laughter] Anyway,
um probably worked out for the best.
>> Yeah, sure.
>> Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going
to see him kiss me.
>> And in about 5 seconds, you're going to
see why.
>> Ross, did I ever tell you about the time
that I went backpacking through Western
Europe?
[laughter]
Hey, get ready to see some begging.
>> OH, YOU CAME ON to Ross.
>> What?
>> Now I'm so happy. [laughter]
>> What are you talking about?
>> You use the Europe story.
>> That's the magic story you use when you
want to have sex. [laughter]
>> How do you know about that story? How do
you know about that story? [laughter]
>> I heard it from my friend Irene who
heard it from some guy.
>> Some guy.
[applause]
>> No. No. She told me that his name was
Ken Adams.
[cheering]
>> Ken Adams.
>> You know, that night meant a lot to me,
too. And it wasn't cuz I was in a bad
place or anything. It just meant a lot
to me cuz you're really hot.
[laughter]
Is that okay?
>> That's okay.
>> And I'm cute, too.
>> And you're cute, too.
>> Thank you.
>> All right. I got to go unpack.
>> Okay.
Bye.
I'm still on London time. Does that
count?
>> Oh, that counts.
>> Oh, good.
>> What does yours say, peeps?
>> Um, wow. All right.
Wow. Yay.
Oh, I'm going to meet a guy and really
soon and he's going to be the man of my
dreams.
Probably not the guy I had a dream about
last night.
Oh, wait a second, you guys.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been
seeing that guy everywhere I go. We take
the same bus. We go to the same
bookstore. Same dry cleaner. Maybe he's
the tea guy.
Did you see that? He totally checked you
out and he is so cute.
>> Mine is a picture of the village people.
What does that mean?
>> Oh, hello.
>> Oh, it's you. I see you everywhere.
>> I'm Jim. Jim Nelson.
>> Oh, Jim. Jim Nelson. I'm Phoebe Phoebe
Buffet. [laughter]
>> Certainly have been seeing a lot of each
other lately. We have Maybe we'll be
seeing each other at dinner tomorrow
night. Say around 8:00.
>> Well, maybe we will.
>> Oh,
isn't it funny how we kept running into
each other? It's as if someone really
wants us to be together.
>> Someone does. Me.
>> O, witty banter. Well done.
Good.
>> So, tell me a little bit about yourself.
>> Oh, okay. Well, I'm a masseuse and I
used to work at this place. Do you like
to party?
[laughter]
>> I I I like I like parties.
>> You're wild, aren't you?
[laughter]
>> Yeah, I guess a little.
>> That ain't no thing. I'm wild, too.
>> So, um anyway, [laughter]
I I I've lived in New York somewhat
wildly, I guess, for um well, since I
was 14.
I'm sorry I'm staring.
>> It's just that you have the most
beautiful eyes.
>> Stop it.
>> And your breasts.
[laughter]
>> Okay,
[clears throat] look. Um, you're coming
on a little strong, but I'm going to
give you the benefit of the doubt
because seems the universe really wants
us to be together. So, why don't we just
start over, okay? And you can just tell
me about yourself.
All right.
>> Okay.
>> I write erotic novels for children.
[laughter]
>> What?
>> They're wildly unpopular.
>> My god.
>> Oh, also you might be interested to know
that I have a PhD.
>> Wow, you do?
>> Yep. Uh, pretty huge.
>> Hey,
sh. Go back to sleep. I have to go home.
>> Oh, god. This was amazing.
>> It really was.
>> You've learned some new moves.
>> Yeah. Well, uh, this guy at work gave me
sex for Dummies as a joke. Huh?
>> Who's laughing now?
>> I know.
>> You want some help with that?
>> Oh, no thanks. I got it. Oh, no, I
don't.
>> Whoa. [laughter]
You
>> okay?
>> Yeah.
Stood up too fast. Got a little head
rush.
>> The heat
[clears throat]
>> and and the humidity. [laughter]
>> That's a uh that's a tough combination.
>> [laughter]
>> Do you want to come in for some
lemonade?
>> Like you wouldn't believe.
[laughter]
>> Wow, this is a great place.
>> Thank you.
>> Just make yourself comfortable.
>> Gotcha.
So, this place is really my
grandmother's.
>> I got it from right when she moved to
Florida. Otherwise, I could never afford
a place like this. [laughter]
>> So, if the landlord ever asks, I'm an
87y old woman who's afraid of a VCR. You
thirsty?
>> Oh, you bet I am. [laughter]
>> Okay, here's your penis.
>> [music]
>> Oh my god. What the hell are you doing?
>> You said you want to come in for some
lemonade.
>> So,
were you just going to give me lemonade?
>> Yeah.
>> Cover yourself up.
>> Oh, right. Sorry.
>> I don't believe this. I mean, someone
asked you in for lemonade and to you
that means they want to have sex.
>> Um, usually. Yeah. Well, not just
lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice.
Sorry, I just thought you liked me. Such
a jerk.
It's okay.
I suppose it could happen to anyone. Not
anyone I know, but
by the way, I can still see it.
[laughter]
We can't go now. It looks like Rachel's
going to put on a skit. [laughter]
>> Oh my god. Have you lost your mind?
>> No. No. [laughter] No. No. No. No. I am
finally thinking clearly.
My lucky dress wasn't working out too
well for me, but for 4 years, this baby
[music] never missed. Rachel, Rachel, I
cannot I can't let
Actually, I kind of want to see what
happens.
Hey,
>> nice uh costume.
>> Oh, yeah. Well, I wanted to give Emily a
big American goodbye cheer. So, okay.
>> Ready? Okay. Give me an E.
>> E.
>> Give me an M.
>> M.
>> GIVE ME AN I.
>> I.
>> GIVE ME AN L.
>> L.
>> Give me a Y.
>> Y. What do you get,
Emily?
Emily.
>> Okay, that's me as a cheerleader. Tada.
>> All right,
>> fine. I'm fine. I just lose the tooth.
It's no big deal. I have a dentist, you
know. Open up to my side. Excuse me.
>> Okay. What do I do now? What do I do
now?
>> I think you're done.
>> Okay. Time to take off the bra.
[laughter]
>> Uh, that was really uh great,
>> but I I got to take off. Actually,
>> take off.
[laughter]
>> All right, come on. Let's go get your
coat.
>> Okay.
>> Rachel is my girlfriend.
>> Oh my god. Joey Trivani from Days of Our
Lives. just walked in here.
>> Ra, he's a friend of ours.
>> You are friends with Dr. Drake Remor?
[laughter]
>> It's kind of hard to be friends with
Drake because of his busy schedule and
the fact that he's not real. [laughter]
>> Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard
here sometime.
>> He's coming. HE'S COMING OVER. JOEY.
>> I know. Here. Here.
>> Oh,
no. [laughter] This is my friend Rachel.
We went to high school together. Hey,
>> I
[laughter] I love you on that show.
>> I watch you every day. I mean, when you
took out your own kidney to save your
ex-wife, even though she tried to kill
you.
>> Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.
>> She's not crazy, is she?
>> So, uh, how are you doing?
>> Show me something, Joey.
>> [laughter]
>> I just fell right off the couch there.
>> Yeah, you did.
>> I'm okay.
>> Okay, let me here you go.
>> Whoops.
>> Let me ask you a question.
>> Yeah.
>> When was the last time
>> someone told you [music] just how
beautiful you are?
>> Wow.
I can't I can't feel my hands.
[laughter]
>> Come on. Come here.
>> Huh?
>> Huh?
>> [laughter]
>> Bie, come here. I want to show you
something in the bathroom.
>> Oh, Monica, grow up.
>> [laughter]
>> Hey, what do you got behind your back?
>> Nothing. Just Just something I want to
get B Phoe's opinion on for Valentine's
Day.
>> You don't want my opinion?
>> Not really. [laughter]
>> Come on. I'm your older brother. Ask me.
>> Oh. Oh, okay. Big brother. Um, which one
of these do you think would make your
little sister look hotter so your best
friend would want to do her?
>> The red one.
>> [music]
>> So, what do you think?
[laughter]
>> I've still got it.
>> Why did you get me this?
>> What is it,
Yelling, bleeding,
dilating.
[laughter]
Oh, the dilating.
Is this the video of the baby being
born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why
were you even watching it?
[laughter]
>> I thought maybe you got me porn for
Valentine's Day. [laughter]
>> Chandler, if you thought I was going to
get you porn for Valentine's Day,
you were right. [cheering]
Apparently, it's it's about a young girl
who moves to the big city, you know, in
search of stardom, but ends up having
sex with a lot of guys.
>> Yeah, they got four stars. Oh, wait a
minute. Those aren't stars. [laughter]
>> Anyway, you want to take a look?
>> Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood
right now.
>> Hey, what's going on?
>> Well, remember the first time you saw
Jaws? How long it took to go back in the
water?
>> [laughter]
>> We can't let this tape wreck Valentine's
Day.
>> You don't know. You didn't see it.
>> Child birth is it's a natural thing.
It's beautiful.
>> Oh, be beautiful. Really? Oh, really?
You think this is beautiful?
[screaming]
>> Oh my god. No wonder my mother hates me.
[laughter]
>> See, honey, THERE'S
>> DON'T TOUCH ME.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? I mean,
>> you have any fun, you know, fantasy type
things?
>> No.
[laughter]
>> Come on, you got to have one.
>> Nope.
>> Ross, you know what?
>> If you tell me, I might do it.
[laughter]
>> [clears throat and cough]
>> Okay.
Um, did you ever see um Return of the
Jedi?
[laughter]
>> Yeah.
>> Do you remember the scene with um
[laughter]
Jaba the Hut?
Well, Jabba had as as his prisoner um
Princess Leia.
[laughter]
>> Princess Leia was wearing this um gold
bikini thing.
[laughter]
It was pretty cool.
The other night, Rachel and I are in bed
talking about fantasies, and I happened
to describe a particular
Star Wars thing.
>> Princess Lay in the Gold Bikini.
>> Yes.
>> Yes. Well, wow. Well Well, that that was
easy. [laughter] Okay, you you go.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> Okay. Okay. Well, you know, you know
when you're in bed with a woman
>> and uh
you know you're fooling around with her
and you get all these like mental images
in your brain, you know, like El
McFersonson or that girl at the Xerox
place
>> with the belly button ring.
>> I know. And then all of a sudden your
mom pops into your head [laughter]
and you're like, "Mom, get out of here."
you know, but of course like after that
you can't possibly think of anything
else and you can't you know stop what
you're doing. So it's kind of like
you're
you know
>> you know [laughter]
you don't know
mom
you're telling you're telling me about
about your mom. What is the matter with
you?
>> You said I said share not scare. Go sit
over there.
[laughter]
Okay, here we go.
>> I am Jabba's prisoner and you
have a really weird look on your face.
[laughter]
What is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I
get the hair wrong? Wait, did you just
picture it differently? What? What? No,
>> no, no. It's um It's not you. It's um
It's
[cheering]
>> [laughter]
>> Well, what is it? Come on, sweetie.
You're kind of like freaking me out
here. [laughter]
>> I hate Chandler. That bastard ruined my
life.
>> I'm glad you're back. I really need your
help.
>> Oh, why? What's up?
>> Well, I have an audition for this play,
and for some of it, I have to speak
French, which according to my resume,
I'm fluent in.
>> Joey, you shouldn't lie on your resume.
>> Yeah, you really shouldn't. By the way,
how was that year-long dig in Cairo?
He's okay.
>> I did not know you spoke French.
>> You're so sexy.
>> Well, so will you help me? I really want
to be in this play.
>> Sure.
>> Seriously, stop it. I want to jump on
you. [laughter]
>> Hello.
>> Well,
hi. Yes. I'm sorry. The models are
actually down the hall.
>> Actually, I'm here about the assistant
job.
>> Really?
>> Okay. Well, then. All right. We'll just
have a seat there. Um, so what's what is
what's your name?
>> Tag Jones.
>> Uh-huh. Go on.
[laughter]
>> That's it. That's my whole name.
>> That's your whole name. Okay. Of course.
Okay. Well, let's let's just have a look
see here.
>> I know. I haven't worked in an office
before, and I really don't have a lot of
experience.
>> Come on now. What are you talking about?
You got three years painting houses,
[laughter]
two whole summers at TGI Fridays.
>> It's lame, I know,
>> but I'm a goal oriented person. Very
eager to learn.
>> Okay, just hold on a second, please.
[laughter]
>> Sorry, it's for human resources.
Everybody has to do it. Would you just
stand up, please? [laughter]
>> Rachel Green's office.
Tag. Hi. Who is that?
>> Nobody. I was just practicing.
[laughter]
>> Hi.
>> Hi. Rachel Green's office.
>> You must be Hilda.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. This is Tag Tag. This is Phoebe.
Phoebe, can I see you for a second?
>> Phoebe.
That's a great name.
>> Oh, you like that? You should hear my
phone number. Okay, I'll be right back.
>> So, you hired yourself a little treat,
did you? [laughter]
>> All right. I know. I know how it looks,
Feebs. But I'm telling you,
>> but but you know you cannot get involved
with your assistant.
>> Yes, I know that. I know that. And I
know that hiring him was probably not
the smartest thing that I've ever done,
but I'm telling you, from this moment
on, I swear this is strictly
professional. Yes.
>> Hey, Rachel.
>> Hi.
>> Cute assistant. What's his story? Is he
like
>> gay?
>> Yeah.
>> Does it even work without my sexy voice?
>> I like it.
Dunther kiss me
[laughter]
[cheering]
>> and I'm still waiting for my paper
machine.
[applause]
Thank you my babies.
>> Rachel.
>> Yeah.
I don't know if you heard about what
happened between me and Phoebe the other
day.
>> No.
>> Well, we kissed. I I didn't initiate the
kiss, but but I also didn't stop it. And
I've been feeling guilty.
[laughter]
>> Okay.
>> So, um,
are we cool? [laughter]
>> Okay.
>> I knew you'd understand.
Oh. Oh.
Whoops. Oh, I seem to have dropped my
fork. [laughter] Let me just bend over
and get it.
[laughter]
Oh god. [laughter]
>> Okay, enough. This is This is not going
to happen.
>> Oh, come on, Ros. I'm miserable here.
Come on. You started this. Now you
finish it.
>> Come on, West. Make love to me.
[laughter]
>> You know what?
>> What?
>> Forget it.
>> Oh, wow. What? Now, Ross, you're not
going to talk? How on earth will you
ever annoy me?
Oh, wait a minute. I know.
[snorts]
I mean, you think the damn jalapeno
would have cleared up your sinuses, but
no, that's not enough.
>> What are you doing?
>> I'M GETTING THAT BABY OUT OF YOU.
[cheering]
>> Oh god.
>> Oh, I know.
>> Oh no,
>> I think my water just broke.
>> I AM GOOD.
>> [cheering]
>> OKAY. OKAY. Uh okay. I got I got the
pillow. Uh got the bag. You got the
keys?
>> I got the keys.
>> Okay. Okay. [laughter]
>> We're having a baby.
I didn't uh really have time to read
this part of the books, but do you think
do you think we have time?
>> Not so much.
>> Okay,
>> this is nice.
>> I know.
[laughter]
>> You need both hands for that?
>> Yeah, I kind of do.
Well, how's this?
[laughter]
[laughter]
>> Oh, look at you two holding hands. Is
this getting serious?
>> I I you know,
>> have you not talked about it yet? Am
[laughter]
I making you uncomfortable?
>> If you were bigger, you'd hit me, huh?
[laughter]
>> Sorry. I'm sorry. It's obviously way too
early for us to be having that
conversation.
>> Is it?
>> Maybe not. Is it? [laughter]
>> Hey, when I got divorced, I I didn't
think I'd feel this way about someone
for a really long time.
>> Then again, I didn't think I'd meet
someone like you. And this may be crazy
soon, but I want you to have this.
>> No, not that's gum. Anyway,
five bucks. I love it when that happens,
you know? It's like, no, no one's there.
>> Keep digging.
>> Oh, sorry.
>> Oh, it's a key. To be honest, I think
I'd prefer the $5.
>> It's to my apartment. Oh, wow.
Big step for Phoebe and Mike.
>> Yeah. Look, and I don't want you to feel
like you have to give me your key just
because I want to.
>> Oh, thank God.
>> Yeah.
Well, I'm starting to think I'd never
meet someone that, you know, I wanted to
do this with.
Here you go.
>> This is cool, huh? It
>> really is.
>> I know it. It is amazing. These little
things open doors. Okay. All right. So,
now you go.
>> No, I don't want to tell you.
>> Why not?
>> Cuz it's embarrassing.
>> More embarrassing than shiny raspberry
lip balm. [laughter]
>> I didn't say raspberry before, did I?
Just Just tell me, Rick. Just tell me.
>> Okay. All right. Stand up.
Well, when we're at the door, I lightly
press my lips against his
and then move into his body just for a
second.
And then I make this sound.
Okay. I know it doesn't sound like
anything, but I swear it works.
>> Yeah. Well, yeah, that would work. Yeah.
[laughter]
All right, I got to go to bed. Honey, I
had such a wonderful time.
>> Yeah,
>> me too.
>> Hey, Rachel, get me perfume. Okay. And
Joey, could you get me a bottle of wine
and glasses?
[laughter]
>> It'll be great. You just make her think
you want to have sex with her and it'll
totally freak her out.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, listen. How far am I going to have
to go with her?
>> Relax. She's going to give in way before
you do.
>> How do you know?
>> Because you're on my team and my team
always wins.
>> At this.
[laughter]
Just go get some.
Go.
>> Okay, honey. Now, I'm going to try to
listen from right here.
>> Okay.
>> Okay. Oh, wait.
>> Good idea.
>> Yeah. Wait. Don't give away the farm.
Okay. [laughter]
Fibby
>> Chandler,
>> come on in.
[laughter]
>> I was going to.
>> Um, I brought some wine. Would you like
some?
>> Sure.
[laughter]
>> So, here we are.
nervous.
>> Me? No. You?
>> No. I want this to happen.
>> So do I.
[laughter]
>> Oh, you're uh you're going I'm not
without you, lover.
>> So
this is my bra.
It's very, very nice. [laughter]
Well, come here.
I'm very happy we're going to have all
the sex.
>> You should be. I'm very bendy.
[laughter]
>> I'm going to kiss you now.
>> Not if I kiss you first. [laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> Well, I guess there's nothing left for
us to do but but kiss. [laughter]
>> Here it comes.
Our first kiss.
>> [laughter]
[cheering]
>> OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. YOU WIN.
[laughter]
>> I can't have sex with you.
>> And why not?
>> Because I'm in love with Monica.
>> You what? [cheering]
>> That's right. I love her. I love her.
>> I love you, Monica.
I love you too, Chandler. [screaming]
[cheering]
>> I just I thought you guys were doing it.
I didn't know you were in love.
>> Dude,
hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor.
[laughter]
>> And may I say your breasts are still
short. God.
>> [music]
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