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(TV playing indistinctly)
Shelly,
can you turn the
TV off for a second?
But after this commercial break,
Professor Proton is going
to use a candle
to suck a hard-boiled egg
into a milk bottle.
We'll make it quick.
Go ahead.
Your father has something
to tell you.
Your mother wants
you to swim.
George!
Mom!
PROFESSOR PROTON:
Who's ready to suck eggs?
(grunts softly)
That was the lamest
tantrum I've ever seen.
I'm being forced
to swim tomorrow in P.E.
Poor baby. You have
to play in a pool
instead of sit
in a classroom.
A pool of sweat, germs
and dead skin cells.
Still better
than learning.
Maybe it's time for me
to run away from home
and join a traveling math club.
Just pretend to be sick.
But that would be lying.
I'm not a liar.
Well, you better be a swimmer.
Or a drowner.
(sighs)
Ugh!
FEMALE VOICE:
Why don't you like me?
You're full of bacteria.
So are you, but you don't hear
me saying, "Ugh." It's rude.
Look, I may just be pool water,
but I still have feelings.
Sorry, water.
Come on.
My pH level is 7.4,
and with three parts
per million of chlorine,
I'm cleaner
than your daddy's plate
after Thanksgiving dinner.
Wow. That's pretty clean.
Look how clear I am, Sheldon.
You can see
all the way to the bottom.
Closer.
A little closer.
(whispering):
A little closer.
Gotcha!
Pool monster!
(panting)
(Sheldon coughs)
I don't feel well.
What's wrong, baby?
I don't know.
I just feel awful.
Well, there is something
going around.
Billy Sparks got
some kind of bug.
That is consistent
with what I said. Good.
(coughs)
You're staying home today.
I'll go make you some tea.
Welcome to the dark side.
Mom says
you're sick.
(whispers):
He's faking.
Really?
(door closes)
Why? You love school.
Swim test.
Oh, sure. You would die.
If you're gonna do this,
let me give you
some pointers.
You've done this before?
Tell him.
Oh, he's
the master.
He coached me through
my last two...
(hoarsely):
sore throats.
I slept on the couch
during those.
I know.
GEORGE JR.:
First of all,
you got to cough
even when Mom's not in the room.
Got it.
(coughing)
And don't put the thermometer
in the tea.
114 fever is a giveaway.
Smart.
Told you.
Oh, don't be afraid
to let her look in your throat.
She's checking
to see if it's red,
but it's always red.
You are good.
Here, try spitting up
a little phlegm.
(clearing throat, sniffing)
(spits)
We got work to do.
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