By
Viewed
334,692
Please choose the correct answer for each question below:
Questions: 0/1364
Correct: 0
Translate:
Everyone, I would like to make a toast
to Rachel and Joey.
>> Oh,
and to love.
[laughter]
Ah, love.
[laughter]
L O V E. Love.
L is for life. And what is life without
love?
>> Oh my god. Are we supposed to answer?
O
is for
Oh, WOW.
[laughter]
The V is for this very surprising turn
of events,
which I am still fine with. By the way,
E
[laughter]
is for how
extremely normal I find it [laughter]
that you two
are together
and that one day you might get married
and have children of your own.
Dude, are you okay?
>> Totally.
[laughter]
>> Ross, you don't seem okay.
>> I'm sorry. It must be the pressure of
entertaining.
>> [laughter]
>> Guess who?
>> Uh, Department of Sanitation. [laughter]
>> It's me.
>> Oh.
Oh, [laughter]
>> what?
>> Oh,
[laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> It's my It's my hamster. It's Mity.
>> Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Sh. I I must
have freaked out.
>> Oh, thank God it's not Mitsy.
>> It's just a rat. [laughter]
>> No, it's it's just a bit sudden. No,
it's great. Okay, I am totally on board.
I love you, too. All right. Bye.
>> What's the matter, Ross?
>> Nothing. No. Oh, uh, actually, great
news. Um, just got off the phone with
Emily, and looks like I'm moving to a
new apartment. [laughter] Woohoo.
>> Why?
>> Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh
new furniture. Why not a fresh new
apartment? Her cousin has this great
place to sublet. It's got a view of the
river on one side and Colombia on the
other.
>> That's way up town. That's like three
trains away, which is great.
>> I love to ride that rail. [laughter]
>> So, you're really okay with this?
>> Yes. Yes. I mean, it's it's kind of far
from work, but uh you know, I'll get so
much done on the commute. I I've been
given the gift of time. [laughter] You
know, it's so funny cuz last Christmas I
got the gift of space.
We should get them together and make a
continuum.
>> Oh no, my new Paulo shoes.
>> Oh, I hope they're not ruined.
You
>> okay?
>> God, what a great day.
>> What weatherwise?
[laughter]
I know you the air, the the trees,
[snorts] even though Nana's gone,
there's there's something almost uh I
don't know, almost life.
>> I'm fine. I'm fine.
>> I'm just just having my worst fear
realized. But
>> Hi.
Hi.
>> What's wrong, buddy?
>> Someone at work ate my sandwich.
>> [laughter]
>> Well, what did the police say?
>> My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I
can't believe someone just ate it.
>> Ross, it's just a sandwich. Just a
sandwich. Look, I am 30 years old, okay?
I'm going to be divorced twice and I
just got evicted. That sandwich was the
only good thing going on in my life.
Someone ate the only good thing going on
in my life. [laughter]
Okay, look, I I have enough stuff for
for one more sandwich. I mean, I was
going to eat it myself, but
that would be incredible. Thank you so
much. I I I I still can't believe
someone ate it.
I mean, look, I I I left a note and
everything.
Knock-k knockock. Who's there? Ross
Geller's lunch.
Ross Geller's lunch. Who? Roskeller's
lunch. Please don't take me. Okay.
[laughter]
>> I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing
your lunch.
>> Okay. Look, you want to hold on to your
food? You got to scare people off. I
learned that living on the street.
>> Really? So, so what would you say,
Feebs? Stuff like, uh, keep your mitts
off my grub.
>> Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe
living on the street, is she surrounded
by the entire cast of Annie?
Okay, this will keep him away from your
stuff.
>> Um, Ross,
>> may I have a word with you?
>> Oh, of course, Donald.
>> We've been getting reports of some very
angry behavior on your part.
>> What?
>> Threatening letters, refusal to meet
deadlines.
Apparently, people now call you mental.
Yeah,
>> we want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
>> Oh, no. You You don't understand. Gh,
this is so silly. Um, this is all just
because of a sandwich.
A sandwich?
>> Yeah. You see, my my sister makes these
amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is
she puts a an extra slice of gravy
soaked bread in the middle. I call it
the moist maker. [laughter]
Anyway, I I put my sandwich in the
fridge over here and Oh. Oh, you know
what? I I'm sorry. I I I believe I ate
that.
[laughter]
>> You ate my sandwich. It was a simple
mistake. It could happen to anyone.
>> Oh, really?
Did you confuse it with your own turkey
sandwich with a moist maker?
No.
>> Do you perhaps remember seeing a note on
top of it?
>> There may have been a a joke or limmer
of some kind
>> that said it was my sandwich.
>> Now, now calm down. Come look in my
office. Some of it may still be in the
trash.
[laughter]
>> What?
Well, it was quite large. I I I I had to
throw most of it away.
>> You You You You threw my sandwich away.
My sandwich. My
>> What time is it?
>> 1
>> 7:15.
>> Watch doesn't work.
>> Tommy's supposed to be here soon. We're
going to lunch.
[laughter]
>> Look. Look. I wasn't going to say
anything to you, but all right. I don't
think you should be seeing Tommy
anymore.
>> You don't?
>> No. The guy is mean. I mean, really
mean. I think you should stay away from
him.
>> H. Or maybe I should stay away from all
men.
>> No, it's not just because I'm jealous.
I mean, I'm not I'm not I'm not jealous.
Okay. It's Look, the guy, he screamed.
He actually screamed at this couple
sitting in our seats.
>> Yeah. And at the end of the play, he he
got up, you know, and he just started
like banging his hands together.
>> Oh. Uh, does anyone know where the
Freeman building is?
>> Yeah, it's the new building on Avenue.
>> What? That that's all the way across
town. I'm supposed to teach a graduate
seminar there in 10 minutes.
>> Ooh, dude. That's not going to happen.
>> Yeah. MOVE IT. MOVE IT. MOVE IT. HEY,
I'm the teacher.
[laughter]
Hello. [gasps]
Sorry I'm a little late. Uh, whoa, a lot
late.
Well, let me start by uh by introducing
myself. I'm uh Professor Geller.
So, to sum up,
I'm Professor Geller. Good job today.
>> Oh my god, the pages are stuck together,
Chandler.
>> Oh my god. She She made half an English
trifle and
half a shepherd's pie.
>> Okay. Now, what was that all about? Is
it Does it not taste good? Let me try
this.
>> No. No.
All done. [laughter]
So good.
Maybe Chandler HAS SOME LEFT. [laughter]
THAT TASTES like feet.
>> So, come on. Explain yourself. Geller.
First, you got my Rachel pregnant.
>> You got Rachel pregnant?
>> WHO DID?
>> YOU DID?
>> YES.
>> YES. YES, I did. But, but it was it was
just a one night thing. It meant
nothing.
>> Oh, really? That's what my daughter
means to you? Nothing?
>> No. No, sir. Um, she means a lot to me.
I mean, I I care. I I love Rachel. What?
Oh, but not in that way. I mean,
[laughter]
I mean, I'm not in love with her. I love
her like like a friend.
>> Oh, really? That's how you treat a
friend? You get her in trouble and then
you refuse to marry her?
>> Hey, I offered to marry her. But I
didn't want to. [laughter]
>> Well, why not? So you could spend your
time with this
>> I'm sorry, Dr. Green. Mona. Mona. Dr.
Green.
>> How could you have kept all of this from
me? I
>> I was going to tell you, but what? You
figure you get what you wanted and then
you dump her like you did Rachel.
>> Hey, I did not dump Rachel, nor are we
still together.
>> Oh. Um,
can I
Why don't we just let the machine get
that?
>> Hey, Ross, it's Joey. There's a hooker
over here, and we thought maybe you'd
know something about it. [laughter]
>> No, no, no, NO, NO. I I I need to lie
down
>> to go first.
>> Okay.
>> OKAY. [applause]
>> Welcome to America.
>> All right.
>> Oh my gosh. Two in a row. You got to use
your tongues now.
>> [laughter]
>> What are the odds? What are the odds?
>> Okay, that that's enough. You know, let
let's let someone else play.
[laughter]
>> If you didn't want to play, then why'd
you come to the party?
>> Hey, someone order a coat.
>> Ross, Chandler wrote something about me
on his computer, and he won't let me
see.
>> He won't. He won't.
Because isn't that isn't that the the
the short story you were writing?
>> Yes. Yes, it is the short story that I
was writing.
>> In a minute, let me read it.
>> No.
>> Come on.
>> Hey, uh why don't you read it to her?
[laughter]
All right.
It was summer
and it was hot.
Rachel was there.
[laughter]
A lonely gray couch.
Oh, look, cried Ned. [laughter]
And then the kingdom was his forever.
The end.
[applause]
That's it. That's all you wrote. You're
the worst WRITER IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
>> All right. All right. You know what?
This isn't funny anymore. There's
something about me on that piece of
paper, and I want to see it.
>> No, you don't.
>> All right. You know what? Fine. If you
guys want to be children about this,
that's fine. I do not need TO
GO.
>> What is this?
>> That is something that's
>> Ross. What is this?
>> Thank you. Good luck.
>> Okay, just just remember how crazy I am
about you. Okay.
>> Kind of ditsy.
Too into her looks.
spoiled.
>> Now that's a little spoiled. He was
supposed to type little, you idiot.
[laughter]
>> Just a waitress.
>> Now that that was uh I mean as opposed
to uh the um Okay. Is is this over yet?
Ra.
>> I do not have chubby ankles.
>> No, I
>> Excuse me. Um,
is there a woman waiting at the bar? Um,
someone average height, dark hair, or
perhaps doing a puzzle?
>> Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.
>> Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy
him a drink on me.
>> Can I get you another glass of wine?
>> I don't know if I should. I don't want
to be drunk when I go home alone.
>> Got stood up, huh? Eh, it's no big deal.
It's just a blind date.
>> Are you worried your date came, saw you,
and left? [laughter]
>> Whoa.
>> Hi. Uh, I'm I'm Ross. I don't I don't
believe we met. I'm Monica's older
brother.
>> Oh, hi. I'm I'm Mona from her
restaurant.
>> Oh,
hello. Uh, Mona from her restaurant.
[snorts]
[laughter]
Mona. Wow. What a what a beautiful name.
>> You think so? I always kind of hated it.
>> Oh, come on. Mona Lisa.
>> Huh? Mona. Um,
Klelaken,
the famous botonist. Huh? Oh, no. She's
uh well, she's dead now, but [laughter]
no. Supposedly, she was once quite the
hottie of the plant world.
>> Really?
>> Well, see, I never knew about her.
>> Linda Clarken.
[laughter]
>> So, what uh what what table are you at?
>> Oh, me too.
>> Good. Now, there'll be someone there who
likes my name.
>> Yes, there will.
Oh, guess what, Molly Gilbert? You've
just been bumped up to table one. And if
it's all right with you, I'm going to
take your place at table six. Martin
clen.
[applause]
[laughter]
Hey. Uh, I thought I thought you were at
table six.
>> Uh, no, nine.
>> Oh, see, before you uh when you showed
it to me, you you held it that way,
which uh [laughter]
which was misleading.
Well,
>> hello
It was the chair again. Okay, I'm not
doing it. It Look, I don't You know
what? That's it. I cannot make this
decision. It is too difficult. So, I am
just going to leave it entirely up to
the gods of fate.
>> A magic eightball. Oh, you can't be
serious. You can't make this decision
with a toy.
>> Oh, it's not a toy.
Well, I don't know what else to do. I
mean, I either keep my wife and lose one
of my my best friends or I keep my
friend and get divorced for the second
time before I'm 30. So So if anyone else
has has a better suggestion, let's hear
it because I I got nothing. All right,
don't be shy. Any suggestion will do.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, then.
Here we go.
Magic eightball. Should I never see
Rachel again?
Ask again later.
[laughter] Later is not good enough.
[laughter]
Ask again later.
>> What the hell? This is broken. It is
broken.
>> Hello.
>> Hello. Is Ross there?
>> Uh, no he's not. Can I take a message?
>> Yes. This is Russell. Ross's divorce
lawyer. Just tell him that since I
haven't heard from him, I assume he's
decided to give the marriage a try.
>> Ross got married again? No. [laughter]
>> All right, keep going. We are phasing
the accent out. Phasing it out.
So without retesting their results in
the laboratory,
the team would never have identified
[laughter]
the initial errors in their carbon
dating analysis.
[laughter]
Were there any questions at this point?
>> Yes.
>> What's happening to your accent?
Come again. What's What's this nonsense?
[laughter]
All right. I'm I'm not English.
I'm from Long Island.
I was really nervous and the accent just
um just came out. [laughter]
I'm sorry.
So, if we could just get back to the
lecture.
Um,
were there any questions
[laughter]
about paleontology?
All right. Look, I was just trying to
make a good first impression. Obviously,
I screwed up, but what you guys think of
me is really important because I'm I'm
hoping to get a permanent job here. So,
if you just give me another chance to
make a good impression.
>> Ross, ARE YOU CRAZY? I'M STILL YOUR WIFE
OR WERE YOU JUST NEVER GOING TO TELL ME?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I could just kill you. [laughter]
[applause]
>> Well, RACHEL,
[laughter]
>> this guy says hello. Oh, I want to kill
myself.
>> Are you okay, sweetie?
>> I just feel like someone reached down my
throat, grabbed my small intestine,
pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it
around my neck. Cookie,
>> Carol moved her stuff out today.
>> Let me get you some coffee.
>> Thanks.
>> No. Oh, no. No. Don't stop cleansing my
aura. [laughter]
>> No. Just leave my aura alone. Okay,
I'll be fine. All right. Really,
everyone? I hope she'll be very happy.
>> No, you don't.
>> No, I don't. To hell with her. She left
me.
>> And you never knew she was a lesbian.
[laughter]
>> No. Okay.
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
[laughter]
She didn't know. How should I know?
Look, uh,
I know why you're here.
>> You do?
>> Yeah. And to save you from any
embarrassment, um, I think maybe I
should talk first.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
Ross and Rachel.
Rachel and Ross,
that's been one heck of a seessaw,
hasn't it?
>> What?
>> I mean, look, that that one night we had
was fun and and certainly passionate,
but don't don't you think it's better if
we just stay friends?
>> Seriously, what?
>> Okay. Okay. You know what? If you want
to,
we can do it one more time.
I mean, I I'd be okay with that. In
fact, I have some time right now.
>> Okay. You know what? Can I Can I talk
now?
>> Oh, sure.
>> Okay.
I'm pregnant.
Ross.
[laughter]
Ross.
Okay. Whenever you're ready.
[applause]
[laughter]
And you're the father, by the way. You
go.
>> Can I get you some water?
>> I'm [clears throat] good. I'm good.
>> Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay.
I mean, you can be as involved as you
want.
>> Yeah. I uh I'm just I don't know. I
don't understand
um how this happened. Huh?
>> We We used a condom.
>> I know. I know. But you know, condoms
only work like 97% of the time.
>> What? What?
[laughter]
>> What?
Well, they should PUT THAT ON THE BOX.
[laughter]
>> They do.
>> NO, THEY DON'T.
>> [applause]
>> WELL, THEY SHOULD PUT IT IN HUGE BLOCK
LETTERS.
>> OKAY, ROSS, come on. Let's just forget
about the condom.
>> Oh, well, I may as well have.
>> Listen, you know what? I was really
freaked out, too, when I
>> Hey, I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer.
[laughter]
>> You know what? Let's Let's talk later.
>> No, no. I want to talk now. Okay. I in
fact I want to talk to the president
of the condom company.
>> Okay. You know what? Maybe I should come
back.
>> Shh.
>> Yeah. I'll press one. The data we're
receiving from MRI scans and DNA testing
of these fossils are are staggering.
Mhm.
>> I mean, we've been accepting Leaky's
dates as as a given. But if they're off
by even a 100,000 years or so, then you
can you can just throw most of our
assumptions, you know, right in the
trash.
So, so what I'm saying is is is
that [laughter]
is that uh reparations
could could be huge. I mean, not just in
in paleontology, but if you think about
it, in in evolutionary biology, uh,
genetics, uh, geology, I mean, truly,
the the mind boggles.
>> Well, that's not what you want.
>> Hello,
>> Joey. Hey, I need to talk to Charlie. Is
she there? No, she uh she went shopping
with Rachel. Why? What's up?
>> Well, I'm meeting with Professor Sherman
about my being the keynote speaker.
>> Oh, how's it going?
>> It could be better.
>> He um he fell asleep.
>> What? But I already bought my ticket to
Bermuda,
>> Barbados. Fine, I'll rent the car and
drive.
[laughter]
Ross, you have to get that job.
>> What am I supposed to do? He's cold. In
fact, he he was just talking in his
sleep before, and evidently he wants
someone named Fran to spank him harder.
>> Well, just wake him up.
>> I can't. If he realizes that I'm the one
who put him to sleep, I won't get the
job.
>> Ooh, that's a tough one.
>> Oh, wait a minute. This happened to me
before. Yeah, I was auditioning for a
play and the producer fell asleep. I
No, wait a minute. It was me who fell
asleep.
>> Yeah. I mean,
>> hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase
scene once in a while?
>> [laughter]
[laughter]
[cheering]
>> Oh my god. You really want me to be the
keynote speaker?
Thank you.
>> Rachel was supposed to be back by now.
Yeah, but her plane got delayed in
Athens. But actually, she should be here
by now.
>> Oh, so you talked to her. Did she Did
she sound mad?
>> No, but she likes me. [laughter]
>> You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
>> Okay. I did not abandon Rachel. Okay.
Emily showed up at the airport. I had to
go after her. I mean, I I did what I had
to do. She's my wife. Rachel is my wife.
You know, Emily [cheering]
Emily is my wife.
Man, what is that?
>> So, you still haven't heard from Emily?
>> No, not since I lost her at the airport.
>> I can't believe she can outrun you, MAN.
>> HEY, SHE'S FAST. OKAY,
>> you think you CAN BEAT ME? LET'S GO
OUTSIDE.
[laughter]
>> HI, RACHEL.
>> RICH. RA, I am so sorry. I am so so
sorry.
>> Oh, Ross, come on. You just did what you
had to do.
>> Well, that's it. You're not mad. I mean,
it must have been terrible.
>> Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece. I was a
nice hotel, nice beach, met the nice
people. It's not too shabby for Rachel.
>> So, what? That's it?
>> Oh, yeah. We're cool. Totally cool.
>> Thanks. Right. You're the best. Oh no,
you're the best. [laughter]
>> Oh, I got to go to the flower store.
Check it out. No one will tell me where
Emily is, so I'm going to send 72 long
stemmed red roses to her parents' house.
One for each day that I've known and
loved her. That ought to get her talking
to me again.
>> Oh, Ross, when you make out the card, be
sure to make it out to Emily.
[laughter]
I know it's our anniversary, but I told
you on the phone I don't have time to
stop.
>> Okay, you don't have to stop. I'm
invisible. I'm not here.
>> Yeah, but I don't.
Who approved that order? Well, there is
no Mark Robinson in this office. Get me
Mark on the phone.
>> I love Mark. Do you know Mark?
>> Yeah.
>> Well, let me just check up with what
I've got here. All right. See, 038 is
not the number for this score. 038 is
Atlanta.
Pepper.
>> None for me.
>> I'm sorry. As I was saying, the store
number is wrong and I'm sorry, but that
Oh my god.
[laughter]
>> Okay.
>> Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
>> Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm going to have
to call you back. I've got Shmp in my
office.
>> [laughter]
>> What are you doing?
>> I'm sorry, but um Hey. Oh, somebody's
off the phone. How about a glass of wine
by the fire? I'd get it going again if
you
What are you doing? I uh reorganized the
fridge. See? Uh bottom shelf meats and
dairy, middle shelf, fruits and
vegetables,
and top shelf expired products.
>> [laughter]
>> Why are you doing this?
>> Because I am bored. Out of my mind. I've
already been to the bank, the post
office, and the dry cleaners.
>> Dude, you just described 7 days worth of
stuff. [laughter]
You got to spread it out a little. You
know, haven't you ever been unemployed?
>> Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on
satical.
>> Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
[laughter]
A guy in your position needs to be a
little better at relaxing, you know.
What? Why do you think we have the
comfortable chairs? Huh? Look, come
here. Sit down. Ready?
Watch.
AND THEN
>> so what? We just sit. Oh, no. No. We're
not going to just sit. Watch.
>> Hello, Chandler Bing.
>> Hello, Mr. Bing.
I love you.
>> All right, whoever this is, stop calling
me. [laughter]
IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS. IT'S NOT FUNNY.
>> I HAD a lot of work to do. And Ross,
nice guy that he is, offered to help me
out. And then we had a little wine. We
got to talking and next thing you know,
out of nowhere, Ross comes on to me.
[laughter]
>> That's That's a little misleading.
>> What is
>> the lie you just told [laughter]
>> that that you came on to me?
>> There's the one.
>> But you did. Let's be honest.
>> Yes. What?
You know what? Uh, it's it's not
important. What's important is that is
that we're having a baby and it's not
doesn't matter who came on to who.
>> Whom.
>> That's right.
>> You know, you kissed me first.
>> What? What? You were begging me to kiss
you. You You were sending me signals all
over the place.
>> I was sending you signals. Oh, please.
Okay. Anyone in this room think that I
would actually send Ross begging
signals? Please show of hands.
[laughter]
>> You know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't
matter what people believe. What matters
is what happened.
>> Okay. Well, so these signals, Ross,
explain this to me, cuz maybe I need to
be more careful. I mean, am I sending
you these signals right now?
>> You know what? You know what, Rachel?
Just just drop it.
>> No, please show me how I begged you.
>> I can show you. I have it on videotape.
[laughter]
It's an expression.
[laughter]
>> What are we going to talk about? What
you guys did last night or
what? What happened last night? Nothing.
Nothing uh nothing happened last night.
>> Uhhuh. Ross invited us to all to watch.
Ra, we weren't going to miss our friends
getting married.
>> Who got married?
[laughter]
>> You did?
>> What?
>> Hello. We didn't get married. [laughter]
>> Married? That's ridiculous.
[cheering]
>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. I remember being
in a chapel. Wait, they they they would
not let us get married when we were that
drunk. They'll let you get married when
you're drunk. Most people getting
married in Vegas are drunk.
>> Now I'm drunk right now.
>> I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.
I'm on vacation.
>> What are you guys going to do? Oh, I
guess we just find a divorce lawyer.
>> Well, I think I think Ross already has
one.
>> Now, this one's free, right? Because you
paid for the first two, so you get the
third one for free.
Laugh it up. But the joke's on you
because we don't need to get divorced.
Okay. We We're just going to get an
anulment. An anulment? Ross. I don't
think surgery is the answer here.
[laughter]
>> Oh. Oh, that's your thing.
>> What?
>> You're the thing. You know that you're
the guy who gets divorced.
>> That's not my thing.
I do not love getting divorced.
>> Yes, you do. This is your third divorce.
God, you love divorce so much, I'm
probably going to marry it and then
then it won't work out. So, you're going
to have to divorce it. Divorcing guy.
[laughter]
>> [screaming]
[laughter]
>> Did the TV wake you?
>> No. When you put your feet up on my bed,
you tugged on my catheter. [laughter]
Ouchie.
[laughter]
>> What are you doing here, Giller?
>> Well, I came with Rachel, who who should
be back any second.
>> So, what's new?
>> Oh, I had a little heart attack.
>> Wait. Is Is it painful?
>> What? The heart attack is sitting here
talking to you. [laughter]
>> Let's see if we can get that Rachel back
in here. So, what's new with you, girl?
Knocked up any more of my daughters
lately? Nope. Just the one. Right.
>> What was your week?
>> Oh, it was good. It was actually the
baby started kicking.
>> How exciting.
>> Yeah, I know. Oh, it was amazing. The
only sad thing is I wasn't around when
it happened for the first time.
>> Oh, no.
>> Yeah, I know. And I I was missing out on
all this other stuff, too. So, Joey
suggested Rachel move in with me.
>> Yeah, [laughter] right.
>> What?
>> Joey cracks me up. It's like, yeah, why
don't you have your ex-wife move in with
you? That wouldn't be awkward at all.
Hey, could you imagine? I go away for a
few days. I come back and my boyfriend
is living with some woman. He got
pregnant. [laughter]
>> So, what'd you tell him?
>> What are you? Hi.
>> Hi. [laughter]
>> What are you doing here? I'm I'm
supposed to pick you up.
>> Change of plans. I made you a special
Valentine's dinner. Surprise.
>> Oh, hey, Mona. Hi. Hi. Hi, Rachel.
What's she doing here?
>> I have no idea. [laughter]
>> Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs
me.
>> Seriously, what is she doing?
>> Uh, you know, lately she just likes
hanging out here. [laughter]
>> Why?
>> I think she's lonely.
Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we
just ask her to go?
>> Well, no. No. She's way too emotional.
And by emotional, I mean,
[laughter]
>> I'm not here. That's just my Chinese
food.
>> Oh my god. She has food delivered here.
>> Yes, she's she's emotional, but but
ballsy.
>> You know what I'm going to do? I'm going
to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
>> And you thought she was going to be in
our way. [laughter]
>> So, okay, why don't you uh open the
champagne and I will be right back. I've
got a surprise for you.
>> You got another ex-wife back there.
>> Please start drinking.
>> We were just
Wow.
>> What? Um,
>> great. Now I'm having a baby.
>> What?
>> No, I'm I'm having I'm having A BABY.
I'M I'M HAVING IT WITH THE PHONE. THE
PHONE.
>> THE PHONE. [laughter] THE PHONE.
>> ROS,
>> I'm hurt.
>> Monica, let's go. Come on now, people.
Woman in labor. Hey, Ross, look what I
got going here.
>> Yeah, save it for the cab. Okay.
[laughter]
>> What are you doing? What are you doing?
We're going to a hospital.
>> What? So I can't look nice? There might
be doctors there.
>> Joey, get out of the fridge.
>> All right. All right.
>> What is that? For the ride.
>> Oh, yeah. Like in a cab.
>> Save it.
>> Okay. Hating this.
>> MONICA, COME ON NOW. Let's go. Baby
coming.
>> I can't believe it. I'm going to be an
ant.
>> I'm going to have like a nephew.
>> That's nice. Get out. Let's go. Come on.
>> All right. All right. I'm going. I'm
going.
>> Here we go.
>> Do you not want to be seen with me?
>> What? No. Of of course I do. Are Are
they gone? [laughter]
>> Uh, no. They're still here. But I think
I'm about to leave.
>> What? No. No. Wait. What?
You're right. This is stupid. Who cares
what people think? I mean, we we like
each other, right? There's nothing wrong
with that.
Come on,
Bert. Lydia, Mel,
[laughter]
>> this is Elizabeth.
>> Hi.
>> Aren't you in my popular culture class?
>> That's right, Lydia. Elizabeth here is a
student and uh we're dating. And you may
frown upon that, but we're not going to
hide it anymore. [laughter]
You are so fired. [laughter]
>> What? They're going to fire you. You
can't date a student. It's against the
rules. Really? It's not just frowned
upon.
>> You know, I got to tell you, I just
loved your look when you were bald.
>> Really?
Because I think about shaving it all off
again sometimes.
>> Really? Yeah. I mean, you definitely
should do that.
>> You know what? I should do it.
>> Yeah. You know what? Thank you, Rachel.
You are so cool.
>> Oh, stop. Come on.
>> Now, let's shave that head.
>> All right.
>> Hey, EVERYBODY.
>> WOW.
>> WOW.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID. [laughter]
>> You want to touch it?
>> No, but but it's great.
>> Come on, touch it. [laughter]
>> Okay.
You can feel all the bones in your
skull.
[laughter]
>> Hey everybody, happy Thanksgiving.
>> No, no, no, no, no, no.
>> What? Are we keeping Thanksgiving a
secret this year?
No, we are playing this game I learned
at work. You have to name all the states
in six minutes.
>> What? That's like insanely easy.
>> No, it's a lot harder than it sounds.
You always forget at least one or in
some cases
14.
>> It's a stupid game and I wasn't playing
against other people, so technically I
didn't lose.
>> What? You forgot 14 states?
>> Nobody cares about the Dakotas.
[laughter]
>> Oh, okay. Time's up.
>> All right. I got 48. Oh, it's not bad,
babe.
>> Oh, I got tired of naming states, so I
decided to list the types of celery.
[laughter]
And I have one regular celery.
>> Okay, so Rachel's got 48. And Phoebe has
the lead in
vegetables. Joey, say hello to the new
champ of Chandler's dumb states game.
>> Wow. How many you got?
>> 56.
done with time to spare.
>> Oo, this may be a new world's record.
>> You know, I hate to lecture you guys,
but it's kind of disgraceful that a
group of well-educated adults and Joey
can't name all the states. You ever see
a map or one of those round colorful
things called a globe?
>> Uh, Mellin,
you got 46 states.
>> What? That's impossible.
>> 46. Well, who's well educated now, Mr. I
forgot 10 states.
>> Okay, Ross, time is up.
>> No, just give me another minute.
>> Look, Ross, if you don't know them by
now, you will never know them. Okay,
that is the beauty of this game. It
makes you want to kill yourself.
[laughter]
>> This This is crazy. I can do this. All
right. Uh I bet I can get all 50 uh
before dinner.
>> Okay, but if you can't, no dinner.
>> You're on. All right. Don't look at my
list, Ross, cuz there's a lot on there.
that you don't have.
[music]
>> How can I not get this? I'm a college
professor. I got 1450 on my SATs.
>> 1250?
>> Damn, I forgot you were here. [laughter]
>> You need some help from you?
>> Yes, please.
First of all, Utah,
dude. You can't just make stuff up.
[laughter]
[music]
I hate America.
[laughter] When I finish this game, I
swear I am moving.
Okay, maybe this is so hard because
there aren't 50 states.
Let me tell you something. I have 49
states and there are no more
now. I I think I should be able to eat
something. [laughter]
>> It's up to you.
[laughter]
Delaware.
[laughter]
Delaware.
>> All right.
>> I want my turkey now.
>> You got it.
>> You got Nevada twice.
[laughter]
I know.
>> Yes.
>> A tournament on my new
dart board. Huh? Huh? What do you think?
Huh? Two days of darts. It'll be great.
>> It'll be great for next weekend.
>> No, no, no. This weekend, guys.
>> It'll be great for next weekend. I mean,
it'll be great.
>> What's going on? We were um sort of
invited to go skiing, you know, Rachel's
sister's cabin.
>> Yeah, that's okay. I mean, if you guys
all have to go away for the first
weekend, I'm alone by myself, you know,
then totally totally understand.
>> You know what? I can stay. I'm going to
stay cuz the last time I went skiing, I
was too afraid to jump off the chair
lift. I just went round and round.
[laughter]
Fees, we kind of need you to drive
everybody up there in your grandmother's
calf. But you know what? I'll stay.
>> No, I'll stay. He's my brother.
>> What a pity stay.
>> No, [laughter] we're going to have fun.
We can make fudge.
[laughter]
>> Pity food.
>> You know what? That's okay. All right. I
don't need any of you to stay. Okay.
Nobody stays.
>> Well, then I might as well offer to
stay. Yes. Yes. Rachel is my good friend
and I I have loved her in the past, but
now she is just my wife.
>> Phoebe, will you will you help me out
here?
>> Well, I thought you loved her when you
when you married her. [laughter]
>> We were drunk. I would have married uh
Joey with that amount of alcohol.
>> Hey, you could do a lot worse than Joey
Tribani.
>> I'm sorry, but you guys are wrong. I
just don't want to be divorced three
times.
>> Yes. And now he's using this three
divorces reason because he wants to stay
married to her because he loves her. I
must say, well done. Bravo, Megan.
>> Okay, fine. Fine. If this is what you
think, forget about the whole three
divorce thing, okay? I I'll go to my
lawyer's office right now and get this
marriage a null. Okay. She means nothing
to me. No. Nothing.
>> Okay. Now, I wouldn't date you because
you seem a little creepy.
I am so attracted to him right now.
>> Hello.
>> Hi. Is uh Phoebe here?
>> Uh, no. No. She's she's out for the
night.
>> Oh, great. [laughter]
>> Can I can I help you with something?
>> Well, I don't know. Are you a massur?
>> Yes, I am.
[laughter]
>> Great,
Dad.
>> [laughter]
>> Thank you so much. I'll be back to pick
him up in an hour.
>> [laughter]
[laughter]
>> Okay,
now I'm going to
touch you. [laughter]
[laughter]
Oh, that's soft. [laughter]
[laughter]
What's the matter with him?
>> I think he's stoned again. [laughter]
>> What?
>> What?
>> Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
[laughter]
>> Okay, I think I might know why my
parents don't like you.
>> You do? Why?
>> Okay, remember we were young.
>> Hey, spring break, sophomore year. I I
got high in my bedroom and my parents
walked in and smelled it and so I told
them that you had gotten stoned and
jumped out the window.
[laughter]
>> What? Why did you do that?
>> I don't know. Uh yours was the first
name that that popped into my head. I'm
I'm sorry. I didn't I didn't think it'd
matter.
>> How could it not matter?
>> Well, how was I supposed to know we'd
end up being friends after college, let
alone you'd be living with my sister?
>> What about all that friends forever
stuff?
>> I don't know. I I was all high.
>> [laughter]
>> Mom and dad just sent me in here to find
out if you were trying to get Ross
stoned. [laughter]
>> Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in
college and he blamed it on me.
>> Ross, I can't believe you do that.
>> The reason we haven't told them we're
together is because they hate me. Okay.
So, will you fix this?
>> Okay. Okay. I'll tell them it wasn't
Chandler who got high. Okay.
>> Now, who should I say it was?
>> You. It's not like it's a big deal. You
You don't still do it or anything.
>> All right. All right. Now, now, who
should I say tricked me into doing it?
[laughter]
[music]
>> Let's go.
>> Oh, yeah. About telling mom and dad. I
was thinking about maybe writing a
letter.
>> All right. You know what? That's it.
You've had your chance.
>> What?
>> Mom, Dad, Ross smoked pot in college.
>> What?
You are such a tattletail.
>> Mom, Dad,
>> you remember that that time you walked
in my room and smelled marijuana?
>> Yes.
>> Yes.
[laughter]
>> Well, I told you it was Chandler who was
smoking the pot, but
it was me. I'm sorry. It was you.
>> And Dad, you know that mailman that you
got fired? Didn't steal your Playboys?
Ross did.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. Well, Hurricane Gloria didn't
break the porch swing. Monica did.
[laughter]
>> Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a
year.
>> Monica and Chandler are living together.
[laughter]
Ross married RACHEL IN VEGAS AND GOT
DIVORCED AGAIN.
>> That's a lot of information to get in 30
seconds.
>> All right, Monica. Why you felt you had
to hide the fact that you're in an
important relationship is beyond me.
>> And we kind of figured about the porch
swing.
brass drugs divorced again.
[laughter]
>> What happened, son? I I uh I got tricked
into all those things,
>> Mona.
[snorts]
>> [laughter]
>> Okay. If I were a salmon shirt, where
would I be?
>> I am so sorry. I spilled wine all over
your shirt.
>> Oh, it's okay.
>> No, it's still wet. You know what? Let
me get it out before it sets. Oh, I have
something you could wear.
Here.
>> Oh,
I don't know if I want to wear a woman's
shirt.
>> No, no, that that's a man's shirt.
>> Aly pink.
[music]
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, [laughter]
[sighs]
[laughter]
Oh my god, Ross.
>> Hello.
>> Ros, what are you doing?
>> Not touching myself. If that makes
anyone less uncomfortable. I
>> mean, my mom never thought this would
work out.
She was all once a cheater, always a
cheater. [laughter]
>> Mhm. Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost
those four months.
But if time was what you needed just to
gain a little perspective,
>> we were on a break.
>> Coffee house.
>> You bet.
>> And for the record, it took two people
to break up this relationship.
>> Yeah. You and that girl from that copy
place, which yesterday you took full
responsibility for.
>> I didn't know what I was taking
responsibility for. Okay. I didn't
finish the whole letter.
>> What?
>> I fell asleep.
You fell asleep.
>> It was 5:30 in the morning and you had
rambled on for 18 pages
[laughter]
>> front and back.
>> Hi.
>> Hey. Hey. Oh. So, um, how'd you make out
last night?
[applause]
>> That That is funny. That is painfully
funny. No, wait, wait. Yeah, that's just
painful.
>> Wait a minute. I thought last night was
was great.
>> Yeah, it was. But I get home, okay, and
I see Julie's sailing solution on my
night table, and I'm thinking to myself,
"Oh my god, what the hell am I doing?" I
mean, here I am. I'm with Julie, this
incredible great woman who I care about
and and who cares about me. And I'm
like, what? Am I just going to throw all
that away?
>> You got all that from saline solution?
[laughter]
>> Wait a minute. We're talking about
Rachel here. You and Rachel. Oh, leave
me. I've been dreaming about me and
Rachel for like 10 years now. But now
I'm with Julie, you know? So, it's like
me and Julie. Me and Rachel. Me and
Julie. Me and Ra. Rachel. Rachel.
>> Hey, you.
>> How are you?
>> Good. How are you?
>> Good.
>> Hi, honey.
>> Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie. [laughter]
Julie.
Um, how are you?
>> Good.
>> Good. So everybody's here.
Everybody's good.
>> So were you going to play something,
Phoebe?
>> Well, actually I did.
>> All right.
>> Hey, Julie. I didn't know you wore
lenses.
>> What? [laughter]
>> Okay. Um Hi. Hello. Hi. Okay. So, um,
this is a song, um, about a love
triangle between three people that I
made up.
[laughter]
Um, it's called, um, two of them kissed
last night.
[cheering and applause]
There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
and a guy, let's call
[music and singing] him Neil.
Now, I can't stress this point too
strongly. This story isn't real.
Now, [music] Neil must decide who will
be the girl that he casts aside. Will
Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or
will it be the one who will call Luly?
He must decide. He must decide. Even
though I made him up, he must decide.
[cheering]
>> [music]
Related Songs