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[Music]
hey hi hey oh what's the matter
well you know that psychic I see yeah
well she told me that I'm going to die
this week so I'm kind of bummed about
that what yeah and I know you guys don't
know a lot about psychic readings but
that one is pretty much the worst one
you can
get babbe that's crazy I can't believe
she would say that to you yeah you honey
you don't believe her do you I don't she
you know said that I'd have triplets but
she also said one of them would be black
oh just out of curiosity did she tell
you how you're going to go no cuz she
didn't tell me I was going to die till
the very end of the session and I was
not going to waste a whole other hour
there I mean I've only got a week left
you know I've really got to start living
[Music]
now hey hey phep you're still
alive how are you feeling oh so
exhausting waiting for
death oh by the way do you think
you phes what are you doing I Was
preparing you for my de didn't you think
I was dead did that not come
off oh yeah scared the hell out of me I
thought we'd lost you
forever pH do you want to lie down yeah
thanks and listen can you do me a favor
could you just um wake me up in a couple
hours you know if you can
[Music]
[Applause]
Hey Hey listen to this my reading was
wrong I'm not going to die really how do
you know because my psychic is
dead she must have read the cards wrong
oh I'm sorry better her than
me hey let's B cookies you can wear this
thanks
okay I'm setting the phone PH
down but I'm still
here just don't go anywhere I'm still
here don't don't switch or anything cuz
I'm I'm right here just one
sec one sec one second wait one second
just what Monica I'm
scared that's that's a sleeve okay and
we also have speaker phone please stay
on the line your call is in important to
us hey wait you got to hang up cuz we're
going to be late thank you for your
patience you're the next caller yes yes
I'm the next caller you're going to have
me hang
up
hey can you take a duck and a chick to
the
theater of course not okay I just wanted
them to hear it from somebody
else okay okay you here come here here
okay you're going to take this tray
you're going to stand on this yellow
Mark you're going to move on action
you're going to walk over to the
operating table you're going to stop on
that blue Mark you're going to put the
tray down don't walk too fast but don't
dawle okay now
what
and
action cut cut I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm
sorry I'm just a little nervous yeah
well don't be okay that
helps
and
action hey you know what don't worry
about it Fe usually takes me three takes
two all right
eight
action
[Music]
hey hey so what' he say uh well he can
be a little rough around the edges so
I'm going to replace a word he used a
lot with the word
puppy Okay so he said if your puppy
friend doesn't get her puppy act
together I am going to fire her mother
pupp y
ass I'm sorry I can't do this I'm just
not an actor that's right you're not
you're a nurse your nurse with Trey Joey
no no nurse with Trey doesn't know Joey
she doesn't have time for friends she
gets in that operating room and she
carries that tray to the doctor because
if she doesn't people die who
dies man with eye patch well you get in
there and you do your job yes doctor
okay okay let's try this one more time
hang in there man with ey patch your
tray is
coming
and
action yes I did it I nailed it w what's
next the rest of the
scene okay from the top people find the
waxine and linen strips to legum number
one did that
okay grasp one of the linen strips by
its easy grab Tab and pull it off in one
quick pain-free motion
okay is it not
painfree no it was painful oh my God
they should call it pain Zine now it's a
little
wax well the girls in the satin itis on
the commercial don't seem to think it's
that bad that's because their nerves are
probably deadened from being so stupid
but hey you know if you don't believe me
please be my
guest ow ow ow ow oh my God now aren't
you glad we didn't start with the bikini
[Music]
strips all right it's okay it's
okay we were just waxing our legs
off for your information this happens to
be a pain like no man will ever
experience yeah well I don't think you
can make that statement unless you've
been kicked in an area the God only
meant to be treated
nicely I think women just have a lower
threshold for pain than men that's all I
mean come on it's just a little
wax oh yeah come
here oh that's
mature okay f fine so now what I just
pull it off that's
right I have to tie my shoe so you go
ahead I'll catch up okay
okay come on that's not running let's
[Music]
go you guys I'm telling you when she
runs she looks like a cross between
Kermit the Frog and the $6 billion man
Monica had such a crush on him that she
used to kiss his poster every night
before she went to bed oh I used to do
that too did you also have his album
It's Not Easy Being
Green Oh
man so Phoebe runs weird huh yeah yeah
you know what and and I know she's going
to want to run again I just don't I
don't know how to get out of it I mean I
live with her why don't you just be
straight with her tell her the truth
you're right you're right I should just
tell her the truth hey hey hey F Monica
trip me I don't think I can ever run
again
ever why why would you do that I don't
know Rachel I'm I'm sorry that I hurt
your ankles ankle we'll
[Music]
see
oh yeah uhhuh it's me I saw you grab
your running shoes this morning and
sneak out you lied so you could run by
yourself no no Phoebe no I was no you
know what I was I was actually just
checking to see if I could run and I can
please Rachel I am not an idiot no wait
baby hey baby can I talk to you for a
second sure okay um
I phoei look I just wanted to say that
I'm sorry okay I handled the situation
horribly and and I should not have lied
to
you so what should you have done well I
I should have told you the truth uhhuh
which
is well you know the reason that I
didn't want to go running with you is
because um well you know the way that
you run is just a little
so well it's embarrassing people were
looking at us like we were crazy why do
you care because they're
people but people that you don't know
and will'll never see again yes but
still they are people with
eyes well I didn't get embarrassed
running next to
miss but oh okay no no I can see why
running with me would be embarrassing to
you yeah okay you're uptight what I I am
not
uptight I'm am not uptight
man that's okay Rachel I'm not judging
you that's just who you are me I'm more
free you know I run like I did when I
was a kid because that's the only way
it's fun you know I mean didn't you ever
run so fast you thought your legs were
going to fall off you know like when you
were like running towards the swings or
are running away from
Satan the neighbor's
[Music]
dog I'm so sorry you right this feels
great see and you don't care if people
are staring it's just for a second cuz
then you're gone yeah I mean it's
amazing I feel so free and So
Graceful hey look out for the
horse oh my God how did you get back
here BB
buet fire
alarm
oh hi officer fireman can can I help you
you found your fire alarm in the trash
shoot mhm that's not mine yes it is how
do you know the next time you want to
dump a fire alarm in the trash shoot
don't wrapping in a blanket that says
property of Phoebe buet not
Monica okay do you okay do you have a
search warrant because the last time I
checked this was still
America please reattach this it's
against the law to disconnect them fine
but please God tell me how to stop it
from going off just press the reset
button under the plastic cup there's a
reset button oh thank you thank you
there's a resep button my
God why didn't I see
that reset button reset button where's
our reset button oh here it is
oh
[Music]
you know what I'm thinking oh
okay
how it's been so long since you've had
sex you're wondering if they've changed
it no although now that's what I'm
thinking all right so what were you
thinking well I was thinking that you
gave the guy Such Great Haircuts I
thought maybe you'd like to do mine oh
no why not because I'm just I'm
incredibly anal and an unbelievable
control freak no you're not I know I'm
not but you are and I was trying to
spare your
feelings you know it's funny last time
Paula was here my ha was so much shorter
and cuter all right okay but but you
have to promise that you will not be all
like controlly and bossy and all you
know Monica about
it I promise all right let's see now
some of you are going to get cut and
some of you
aren't but I promise none of you will
feel a
thing
[Music]
all right that's it I Quit what I didn't
say anything yeah but this isn't the
face of a person who trusts a person
okay this is the face of a person who
you know doesn't trust a
person I'm sorry sorry Phoebe it's just
well just a little shorter than what we
had discussed would you relax I know
what I am doing this is how he wears
it how who wears it Dei
Mo Demi Moore is not a he well he was a
he in Arthur and in
Dan that's dudle more I said I wanted it
like demim more oh oh oh my god oh oh my
God oh my God I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm
sorry which one is demor she's the
actress there was in disclosure and
decent proposal ghost oh oh she's got
Gorgeous Hair
I how is
she it's too soon to
tell she's resting which is a good
sign how's the hair I'm not going to lie
to you Ross it doesn't look
good I put a clip on one side which
seems to have stopped the
curling well can we see you your hair
looks too good I think it would upset
her Ross why don't you come on in hi
again
[Applause]
[Music]
hi today we're going to start with some
songs about Barnyard
animals oh the cow in the M goes moo oh
the cow in the metal goes moo then the
farmer hits him on the head and grinds
him up and that's how we get hamburgers
[Applause]
B
chicken don't you think you've had
enough to drink I'm just helping the
kids how is you drinking helping the
kids because the more I drink the less
there is for the kids to
drink hey R somebody got your shoes no
give
me
W oh my
God oh oh These are my rat
babies yeah we have rat babies
now you brought rats to my birthday
party so this is what a stroke feels
like I had to bring them we killed their
mother they're our responsibility now
you know they require constant care you
should know that Rachel you're a
mother are you comparing Maring my
daughter to a rat no seven
rats I think we should take them home we
need to feed them why why you're going
to leave my party to take care of a box
of rats well I'm sorry Rachel but I'm
not like you okay not everyone can
afford
help
holidays hello and merry Christmas oh
thank you sir here's some
Joy hey want to see how it's going it's
going okay oh good here let me help you
out oh thanks yeah
wow is that a new SED jacket it looks
really
expensive yeah I
guess just get your nails
done yes baby but this is all I have
okay okay thanks happy holidays here's
your joy thank
you thank you happy holidays and wait
you can't take the the money out I'm
making change I need change for the bus
but can't you leave the dollar this
money's for the poor I'm poor I got to
take the
bus okay season's greetings and
everything but still bite me
Blondie oh I'm going to give him
something besides Joy
just Bronte sisters were really
remarkable women for their time they
lived in a patriarchal society sorry I'm
late but I left
late okay
so PHS what is the book about I thought
you said you read it in high school well
yeah but then I remembered I started it
and then there was this pep rally and I
was I was on top of the pyramid but
anyway um what's the book about okay
it's this tragic love story between
Kathy and heathcliffe and um it takes
place on these like really creepy Moors
in England which I think represent the
wildness of heathcliff's character I
totally get
symbolism
how would you characterize the theme of
this book uh let's see Rachel
Green um well I would have to say that
it's a it's a tragic love story well
that's sort of a given but yes anyone
else oh oh oh
symbolism and uh the the uh wildness of
the Moors which I think is is mirrored
in the wildness of uh heathcliff's
character excellent what Rachel is
rudely observed
here you completely stole my answer what
honey that was pretty obvious well how
would you know you didn't even read
it what do you think uh you and the blue
shirt I think that um yours is a
question with many possible answers
would you care to venture one would you
care to venture
one are you just repeating what I'm
saying are you just repeating what I'm
[Music]
saying hi hey hey so what's the final
head count on my baby shower about 20 a
couple people from work who had
something else to do also both of your
sister's called and neither can make it
what you mean they're not coming to a
social event where there's no men and no
booth that's
shocking well I don't care as long as my
mom's here oh my God your mother what my
mom's not going to be here well given
that we forgot to invite her it would be
an awfully big coincidence if she
was my god well if it wasn't my fault
Phoebe was in charge of the invitations
well I don't I don't have a mother so
often I forget that other people give it
her
rest so my mother is not coming to my
baby shower
no neither is
mine you know what don't worry okay
we'll take care of it we'll call her you
just go home and get ready please make
sure she comes it's really important to
me I mean it's my mom I know I know
what's her number I don't
know go I have my book
go wait a minute if you're in charge of
the invitations why am I the one who has
a call her hello Mrs Green hi uh it's
Monica Geller oh hello Monica hi um I
know this is last minute but we we've
decided to throw an impromptu baby
shower for rachal today I know my
daughters told me about it when they
received their impromptu invitations a
month
ago I'm sorry I'm I'm so sorry for what
dear for not inviting me or for lying
about
it oh my God my ass is
sweating please please can you come it's
it's today at
4:00 well all right I'll see you at 4:00
thank
you isn't it at 3:00 son of a he
Hi listen can we watch cartoons on your
television we need a porn break we spent
the last two hours watching in and out
and in
again so why don't you just turn it off
because then we'd be the guys who turned
off free
porn oh good you're here hi hi what you
got here oh this well I'm glad you
asked now don't you hate it when you
have to cut a tin can with an ordinary
steak
Knife now I know what you're thinking
pregnant woman slays
four bab they didn't make you pay for
those knives did they no are you sure no
no honey you're not going to make enough
money to help Frank and Alice just by
selling knives no no I know that but I
just need to make enough money for the
second part of my plan what's the second
part of your plan my Saturn
[Music]
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