By
Viewed
2,599,943
Please choose the correct answer for each question below:
Questions: 0/608
Correct: 0
Translate:
actually I'm not buying I'm selling let
me ask you one question do your friends
ever have a conversation and you just
nod along even though you're not really
sure what they're talking
[Music]
about I'm telling you it's totally
unconstitutional totally
is I think he deserves a Nobel Prize no
I mean it was like the AL gunin kids
table excuse me I'm sorry you haven't
said anything for about 2 and A2 minutes
are you at all interested Yeah well yeah
yeah Jo
peponi oh still too ethnic my agent
thinks I should have a name that's more
neutral Joey
Switzerland plus you know I think it
should be Joe you know Joey makes me
sound like I'm know this big which I'm
not Joe Joe Joe
Stalin
Stalin Stalin do I know that name that
sounds familiar well it does not ring a
bell with me
H Joe
Stone you know that's pretty good
you might want to try
[Applause]
Joseph Joseph
Stalin I think you'd remember that oh
yes bye-bye birdie starring Joseph
Stalin Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on
the
[Music]
Roof you know there're already is is a
Joseph
[Laughter]
Stalin you're
kidding apparently he was this Russian
dictator who slaughtered all these
people youd think you would have known
that you know you'd think I would
have good
evening I am Mr tribiani
and I will be teaching acting for soap
operas now um on my first day as Dr
Drake rore on Days of Our
Lives uh I learned that one of the most
important things in soap opera acting is
reacting this does not mean acting
again it means you don't have a line but
someone else just did and it goes
something like this
thanks thanks thanks a lot oh by the way
before I forget to work in soap operas
some of you are going to have to become
much more
attractive all right moving right
along some tricks of the trade now I've
never been able to cry as an actor so if
I'm in a scene where I have to cry I cut
a hole in my pocket take a pair of
tweezers and just start
pulling okay or uh or let's say I want
to convey that I've uh just done
something evil well that would be your
basic I've got a fish hook in my eyebrow
and I like
it okay let's say I've just gotten bad
news well all I do there is try and
divide 232 by 13
[Applause]
hey everybody Happy Thanksgiving hey
Happy Thanksgiving FEPS hey what's going
on Joe I I I need a good lie oh okay how
about the whole man walking on the moon
thing you
know you can you can see the strings
people no no no no I need a good lie to
explain why I wasn't at a work thing
today oh honey you stink it line well I
do not oh really okay let me ask you
something yesterday at the coffee house
I went to the bathroom and when I came
back my muffin was gone who took
it somebody opened the door to the
coffee house and a raccoon came running
in and went straight through your mouth
and I said hey don't eat that that's
Phoebe's and he
said he said Joey you stink at lion what
am I going to do don't worry don't worry
we'll come up with a good lie I'll help
you practice it oh great that'd be great
thank you sure what what was the work
thing uh pick up Grandma at the airport
oh man what you what you working on oh
Monica Chandler's recommendation I want
it to sound smart but I don't know any
big words or anything so oh why don't
you use your thesaurus what' I just
say
watch here you uh you highlight the word
you want to change uh go under Tools and
the thesaurus generates
gives gives a whole list of choices you
can pick the word that sounds smartest
oh my God that's great I'm smart no no
I'm brainy bright clever I love this
thing look out ladies Joey trian's got
the whole
[Music]
package
hello hello
bab Joey what's going
on oh my God I know it's
stuck step how did he get on I put it on
to scare
Chandler oh my God Monica's going to
totally freak out well then help me get
it off plus it smells really bad in here
of course it smells really bad you have
your head up a dead
animal oh
[Laughter]
Monica did you get the turkey oh my God
oh my
God who is that it's
Joey what what are you doing and is this
supposed to be funny no it's not
supposed to be funny it's supposed to be
scary get her off now I can't it's stuck
I don't care that that turkey has to
feed 20 people at my parents house and
they're not going to eat it off your
head hold on okay let's just all
think okay I got it D all right you pull
I'm going to spread the legs as wide as
I
can Joey now it's not the time sorry
right s okay count to three one one two
three it worked I scared you I knew
it I'm over here big guy yeah you or you
could just you
[Laughter]
know what the hell are you
doing what the hell am I doing he just
broke my fridge
what what how do you know if how do you
know it's even Broken Oh you think I
don't know what breaks my
fridge excuse
me well what do you know
broken that'll be
$400 Joey I saw you push
him you push
them Joey I did not break this so okay
that has been broken for a
while Chan remember I told you about our
fridge uh-huh I still haven't gotten the
check for your half
yet do not give him any money I'm not
talking to you you broke my
fridge okay all right uh well let's uh
let's try one whenever you guys are
ready uhoh is there a problem well this
is noodle soup and uh I've been working
with tomato
so but it's okay no problem no problem M
noodle soup you know that's that's fine
but the line is M soup oh what' I say m
noodle
soup how's that
different oh
yeah all right let's try
one M noodle soup
okay let's do it again
okay M soup I mean noodle soup I mean
soup come
on you know what we need to move on oh
no I I could do it one more time I see
look M noodle soup damn it
[Music]
man this is weird you ever realize
Captain crunch's eyebrows are actually
on his hat that's what's weird Joey the
man's been captain of a cereal for the
last 40
years oh look what the spoon you licked
and and you
put you licked and you
put yeah so well don't you see how gross
that is I mean that's like you're using
my
toothbrush you use my
toothbrush oh that was only cuz I used
the red one to unclog the
drain mine is the red
one oh God can open worms
everywhere hey why can't we use the same
toothbrush but we can use the same soap
because soap is
soap it's
selfcleaning all right well next time
you take a shower think about the last
thing I wash and the first thing you
watch so I just talked to one of the
duel writers today and what is duel Days
of Our
Lives anyway you're not going to believe
it my character is coming out of his
coma and not only that I'm getting a new
brain so great things are happening at
work and in your personal
life wait what do you mean you're
getting a new brain oh well they're
killing off one of the characters on the
show and when she dies her brain is
being transplanted into my
body what a brain transplant it's
ridiculous well I think it's ridiculous
that you haven't had sex in 3 and a half
months it's winter there are fewer
people on the
street who are they filling off uh
Cecilia Monroe she plays Jessica lockart
no no
she is so good at throwing drinks in
people's faces I mean I don't think I've
ever seen her finish a beverage and the
way she slaps people all the time
wouldn't you love to do that just once
oh do
it and she's been on the show forever
it's going to be really hard to fill her
shoes yeah yeah help me out here when
you when you come out of the brain
[Music]
transplant you are going to be her yes
but in Drake Ra's body
why is this so hard for you to get I
thought you were a
scientist Mel
Claude should call Blue
no okay maybe if we just break it down
okay let's just let's try one syllable
at a time okay so repeat after
me pel pel great okay
faster pel pel
boo it's too hard I can't teach you what
are you doing I I have to go before I
put your head through a wall no no don't
go I need you my addition is tomorrow CH
[Music]
blah it's enough you know it's
nothing okay
so uh I think I'm going to take off yeah
no wait Joey no wait it is it's
something it's it it's um it's my
boss yeah yeah and
um and my
baby
yeah my boss wants to buy my
baby what oh my oh my God I know I told
you it's a really big problem
he wants to buy your baby can you
believe that that's crazy that's what I
told him how did this even happen well
I'll tell
you see uh my my boss and uh and his
wife they they can't have children so um
and then when we were at the Christmas
party and he got drunk and he said to me
Rachel I want to buy your
baby man oh when you said it was a
problem about your boss and the baby I
figured it was something about maternity
leave oh
[Laughter]
yeah yeah that that would have been a
much simpler
problem hey great advice on that Joey
thing yeah the work problem perfect I
mean it really felt like he was my
friend again what problem did you tell
him you have oh that's that's not
important the point is I really I think
everything's going to be
okay may I help you you think you can
just buy my friend's
baby oh sorry did I get
yeah no you didn't get me it's an
electric drill you get me you kill
me calm down do you want this unit or
not I do not want this unit oh you
should have told me that before not a
mine
reader and we're out of beer okay I'm
going to
monikers
fine miss it did I miss it no no I'm on
right after this guy shoots
himself who she's pretty yeah oh and
she's really nice too she taught me all
about you know how to work with the
cameras and smell the fart
acting I'm sorry
what it's like you got so many lines to
learn so fast that sometimes you need a
minute to remember your next one so
while you're thinking of it you take
this big pause where you look all
intense you know like this
okay oh here's my scene here's my
scene Mrs Wallace yes I'm Dr Drake rore
your sister's neurosurgeon and tell me
is she going to be all right I'm afraid
the situation is much more dire than
we'd
expected your sister is suffering from a
a subcranial
hematoma perhaps we can discuss this
further over
[Laughter]
coffee
nice excellent you know for a minute
there I thought you were actually trying
to smell something
um why do you have a copy of The Shining
in your freezer oh I was reading it last
night and I got scared so
but uh you're safe from it if it's in
the freezer well
safer you know I mean I never start
reading The Shining without making sure
we got plenty of room in the freezer you
know how often do you read it haven't
you ever read the same book over and
over again well um I guess I read little
women more than once but I mean That's a
classic what's so great about The
Shining the question should be rage what
is not so great about The
Shining okay and the the answer would be
nothing all right this is like the
scariest book ever I bet it's way better
than that classic of
yours okay uh well we'll just see about
that okay I will read The Shining and
you we'll read Little Women all right
you got it all right okay okay and now
rage these uh these little women
yeah how little are they I mean are they
like scary little
Beth is really really sick
a Joe's there but I don't think there's
anything she could
do Joey yeah you want to put the book in
the
freezer okay
okay I'm going to be moving out so you
are going to be in charge of paying the
rent right and when does that do first
of the month that's every
month no just the months you actually
want to live
here okay here's the phone
bill oh my
God that's our phone
number now look I know I kind of sprung
this whole me moving out on you things
so why don't I just don't I just cover
you for a while no no no way Joey triani
does not take
charity
anymore it's not charity Joe I don't
know forget it okay I mean thanks but
I'm done taking money from you all right
I can take care of myself now what's
next come on okay uh here's the electric
bill this is how much we pay for
electric well
yeah so we'll do the rest of the bills
later then I just all I'm saying is I
don't think that Joey and Charlie have
anything in common I don't know they
seem to have a shared interest in each
other's
tonsil wow Joey and a professor can you
imagine if they had kids and if if the
kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw
sexual magnetism those nerds would get
laid all right so Ross you're okay with
all this I mean yeah it's no big deal I
mean I just met her I'm fine with
it God I forgot how hot she
was I'm going to get some more coffee
hey oh you know I I'll come with you
okay so Professor huh yeah she is cool
and she's so smart her mind is totally
acrimonious guess that's not how she
used it
I feel like I owee you an
explanation I don't ordinarily go around
kissing guys at
parties I'm uh well I'm kind of
embarrassed I really hope you don't
think less of me no think less of you no
I don't think less of you I mean you saw
someone you liked and you kissed them
those people who who like someone and
and don't kiss them those those people
are stupid I hate those
people you know actually I'm a little
surprised at myself I mean Joey is so
different from the guys I usually date I
mean they're all professors
intellectuals paleontologists mostly you
know very cere I know the
type hey if we want to uh grab a bite
before work we better get
acrimonious no am I getting close what
are you working on oh it's a uh it's a
welcome home sign for the baby how sweet
oh is that the baby no I sat in the
paint
hey so did you talk to Rachel no and uh
I'm not going to what why not because
she's just going to shoot me down you
guys saw what happened with Gunther that
did not look like fun how can you
compare yourself to Gunther I mean sure
he's sexy in a more obvious way
but you have a relationship with her you
slept together last night yeah and she
still wants to go it's pretty clear
where she is yeah I know what you mean I
mean something times um Joe damn it man
this is bad and I've had my share of bad
reviews I still remember my first good
one though everything else in this
production of our town was simply
terrible Joey triani was
[Laughter]
abysmal hey oh my God look at all the
newspapers it must be a good review is
it
great um
oh dear God but the good news is no one
in a two block radius will ever
know what about the rest of Manhattan
yeah they all
know oh my God this is horrible I'm so
sorry I'm so humiliated yeah but you
know what they say man there is no such
thing as bad press you don't think that
um the chef's mahi mahi was awful awful
is bad
press I didn't write
it how does he write am I really am I
awful hey hey Monica you listen to me
okay and I'm not just saying this cuz
I'm your friend I'm saying it cuz it's
the truth your food is
abysmal see Joe that's why your parents
told you not to jump on the
bed well if we learn one thing today
cheese it's that cheerleaders and high
explosives don't
mix Going say that again Mac well I
couldn't have done it without you buddy
you're a genius oh yeah well then how
come I can't get my VCR to stop linking
[Laughter]
[Music]
12:00 so what do you guys think
hold on please Joe it's your mom mom
mommy well so what did you
think
well that was um okay it wasn't the best
that was one of the worst things
ever and not just on
TV what are we going to tell him well
the the lighting was okay oh no you
don't you got lighting last time
lighting is mine
I have costumes oh great that means I'm
stuck with so we were watching you in
there and you were sitting right here
whoa what are you going to do phes I
don't know I don't know I can't lie to
him again oh no I'm no I'm just going to
press my breasts up against
him can you say nothing uh-huh yeah
that's
right wow well my folks really liked it
so what did you guys think
it wasn't that good seems like all of a
sudden so much has happening I know Ross
is getting married Phoebe's making
people everybody's doing stuff yeah we
just sit here I mean if I died the only
way people would even know that I was
here would be by the ass print on this
chair look we have to do something okay
something
huge we could climb Mount Everest
no no not something stupid something
huge no no no no no I saw an ad for this
video people climb that thing every day
we could totally do that why not I mean
it's just it's just
climbing it's just it's just steep yeah
we're going to Everest okay it'd be nice
to leave an ass print on
Everest hey hey what what's up we're
going to climb on ever yeah baby really
I looked into that yeah but I mean it
costs like 60 $1,000 and you know you
could die and and you would
die oh
well we could get that Everest video
though yeah we could do that without you
know risking our lives at
all and while we're down at the video
store you know what else we could rent
die
hard but you know what I just remembered
that Everest thing is only available
through mail order oh well so you guys
will stay here and hang out with me
yeah but I'll tell you something one of
these days we're going to get off our
butts and rent die hard again
[Music]
yeah hey hun would you help me get the
plates down yeah hey here's an idea why
don't we use our wedding China today no
I think we should save our China for
something really special like if the
Queen of England comes
over honey she keeps cancelling on us
take the
hint what if something it's broken
they're so expensive what is the point
of having them if we never use
them okay but if something gets broken
and then the queen comes over I will
explain it to her oh yeah like I'm going
to let you talk to the
queen W the parade is really good this
year man those horses can
crap next up is a marching band from MSI
Oklahoma MSI that's like 4 hours from
Tulsa
woohoo and here's the float with the
Stars of the popular daytime soap Days
of Our
Lives oh my
God aren't you one of the stars that the
popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives
yeah I forgot I'm supposed to be
there I can't believe I forgot I usually
write stuff like this down on my
arm oh stupid long
sleeves what are you going to do I guess
I'm going to have to come up with a
really good reason why I wasn't there
the producers are going to be so mad at
me they sat us all down yesterday and
said everyone has to be there 6:00 a.m.
sharp that means you
triani like I was some kind of
idiot well you prove them wrong the hell
just happened I am so so sorry I was
going to do it really but then I was
standing there with
$327 in one hand and $238 in the other
hand and I was thinking wow it's been a
long time since I
had $327 plus
$238 Joey we had a deal that's why
you're here I've got to fire you and I
got to pay
rent look how how about this you don't
fire me instead I stay here I gain their
trust and then they'll start listening
to all the nice things I've been saying
about
you what kind of things you've been
saying well nothing yet they really hate
you and I want to fit in so excited I
just set Rachel up with the worst guy
tonight all right who is he well it's
this guy used to massage and by massage
I mean hold down so he wouldn't turn
over and Flash
me okay C why do you hear who I got for
Ross oh yeah okay she's this really
boring woman she's a
teacher a teacher yeah yeah she's really
into history and foreign movies oh oh
and she loves puzzles huh come on who
loves puzzles
well Ross
does you you're ruining the plan Joey
you you you fixed him up with his
perfect woman oh my God you're right
yeah she even reads for pleasure
[Music]
Related Songs