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Great.
Get anything that's not Ralph Lauren?
>> Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.
>> All right, I guess this will be fine.
>> Hey, listen. Uh, what are you what are
you doing tonight?
>> Not that much.
>> How would you feel about taking out my
assistant tag? I'll pay.
>> I got to say, it's going to take a lot
of money for me to go out on a date with
a dude.
>> I'm not asking you to go on a date with
him. really cuz I could kind of use the
money.
>> Joey, just just He's new in town and I
know he doesn't have any guy friends.
Just take him to like a ball game or
something. I'd really appreciate it.
>> Yeah. Okay. Sure. No problem.
>> Thank you.
>> Ooh. Hey, donuts.
>> Yeah.
>> Come on out, honey. I'm telling you, you
look good. Tell her she looks good. Tell
her she looks good.
Oh my god,
>> you look so good.
I cannot believe I have to walk down the
aisle in front of 200 people looking
like something you drink when you're
nauseous.
>> So don't I don't see why we have to go
to this thing anyway. It's your your ex
fiance's wedding. Because I promised
Mindy I would.
>> Yeah, well, you promised Barry you'd
marry him.
>> Look, you guys, I have to go. I'm the
maid of honor. And besides, you know
what? I just need to be in a room again
with these people and feel good about
myself.
My god, these pants. I'm burning up.
Come on. She wants to snuggle now. What
is she trying to kill me? It's like a
volcano in here.
>> Are you hot?
>> No.
>> Okay, must just be me then.
That was just the pants on the couch.
>> Um, hey, do you do you mind if I use
your bathroom?
>> Oh, go ahead.
>> Thanks.
Help.
Oh.
Hey, my favorite part's coming up.
>> Okay.
Oh my god.
>> Hello,
>> Joey. It's Ross. I need some help.
>> Uh, Chandler's not here.
>> Well, you can help me.
>> Okay,
>> listen. I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom.
>> Nice.
No, I I got really hot in my leather
pants, so I took them off. But they must
have shrunk from the the sweat or
something or or my legs expanded from
the heat. I But I I can't get them back
on, Joey. I can't.
That is quite a situation.
Uh do you see any like powder?
>> Powder? Yeah. Yeah, I have powder.
>> Good. Good. Okay. Sprinkle some of that
on your legs. It'll absorb some of the
moisture and then you can get your pants
back on.
>> Yeah. Hold. Hold on.
They're not coming on, man.
>> Um, you see any uh Oh, Vaseline.
>> I I see lotion. I have lotion. Will that
work?
>> Yeah, sure. Throw some of that on there.
>> Hold on.
Ross, you okay?
>> They're still They're still not coming
on, man. And the lotion and the powder
have made a paste.
>> Really?
Uh what color is it?
What difference does that make?
>> Well, I'm just If the paste matches the
pants, you can make yourself a pair of
paste pants and she won't know the
difference.
>> Joey, do you have a minute?
>> Dude, what am I?
>> Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck, man.
Let me know how it works out.
>> Oh, Joey, I have such a problem.
>> Uh, well, your timing couldn't be
better. I am putting out fires all over
the place,
>> Ross. Um, you've been in there for a
long time. I'm starting to get kind of
freaked out.
>> All right, I'm coming out.
Hey, can you turn the lights off?
>> No, let's just leave the lights on.
Oh my god.
>> I had a problem.
>> Wow. I I don't know what to say.
>> What do you say?
>> I don't know.
It's a bracelet, isn't it? And it's a
grave, too. Check it out.
>> To my best bud.
>> Thanks, best bud.
Put it on.
>> Oh, now.
>> No, no. I think something this nice
should be saved for a special occasion.
>> Oh, no. No. That's the beauty part. It
goes with everything. You put this on,
YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.
OH MAN, you are so wearing that
bracelet.
>> I sure am.
>> Come here. I want to show you something
in the bathroom.
>> Oh, Monica, grow up.
>> Hey, what do you got behind your back?
>> Nothing. Just Just something I want to
get Phoe's opinion on for Valentine's
Day.
>> You don't want my opinion?
>> Not really.
Come on. I'm your older brother. Ask me.
>> Oh. Oh, okay. Big brother. Um, which one
of these do you think would make your
little sister look hotter so your best
friend would want to do her?
>> The red one.
>> So, what do you think?
I've still got it.
>> Why did you get me this?
>> What is it?
yelling, bleeding,
dilating.
Oh, the dilating.
>> Is this the video of the baby being
born? Sweetie, this is Phoebe's. Why
were you even watching it?
I thought maybe you got me porn for
Valentine's Day.
>> Chandler, if you thought I was going to
get you porn for Valentine's Day,
you were right.
>> Apparently, it's it's about a young girl
who moves to the big city, you know, in
search of stardom, but ends up having
sex with a lot of guys.
>> Yeah. Got four stars. Oh, wait a minute.
Those aren't stars.
What do you think?
>> Well, I'm not going to have to buy that
I'm with stupid t-shirt anymore.
>> I like Here you go.
>> All right. Look, you're not really going
to buy that, are you? Don't you think
you've embarrassed me enough for one
day?
>> Oh, I embarrass you?
>> How can I answer that when I'm
pretending I don't know you?
>> He's just jealous. You'll fit right in.
All Londoners wear them.
>> Oh, really? Then how come no one here
anywhere is wearing one?
>> They're all tourists.
All right, look. If you insist on
wearing that in public, you know, you're
going to spend the rest of the afternoon
all by yourself.
>> You don't make me choose between you and
the hat. I choose the hat.
>> Good choice. Thanks.
>> Okay, look.
>> All right, that's it. Okay, I'm out of
here. I'm not going to be embarrassed
anymore.
>> Hey guys, guess what?
got a job on a riverboat.
>> You know what? I didn't wear this suit
for a year because you hated it. Well,
guess what? You're not my girlfriend
anymore. So
>> Oh, I see. So, this suit is making a
point.
>> Now that you're on your own, you're free
to look as stupid as you'd like.
>> You like it, right?
>> Oh, absolutely. I like it even more on
you than I did on Colonel Sanders.
>> Ross. Ross, I'm kidding.
>> Yeah. Mirror, what were you going to
tell us? Yeah. Oh, was it how you
invented the cotton chin?
>> Okay. Goodbye.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. So, what do you think?
>> New haircut, necklace, dress, boots,
boots.
>> Now, they're a little more than I
usually spend on boots. Um, or rent.
>> Oh my god.
>> I know.
>> I'm going to miss being able to afford
food.
>> I'm sorry. They just they just look so
good. And the saleswoman was looking at
me like, "These are way too expensive
for you."
>> She had a point.
>> Hi.
>> Oh my god. Oh, Monica, those boots are
amazing.
>> They're mine.
>> Yeah. Well, too bad. We're going to have
to return them.
>> Return them? Shh. They're going to hear
you.
>> I I'm not returning them, okay? I mean,
I I know they cost a lot, but I'm going
to wear them all the time. You'll see.
Besides, I love the compliments.
I mean, have you ever had something that
was so beautiful that everyone wants it?
>> I have you.
>> Nice try. I'm keeping the boots.
>> 10 blocks down, five to go.
>> Oh, wait. Stop. Stop. Stop.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need a break?
>> My boots in tan. Hey, can you get a
little closer so I can see the price?
>> I can see it from right here. It'll cost
you one husband.
>> Okay. I'm sorry. I think I I can walk
the rest of the way now. Just Just give
me my boots.
>> I don't have your boots.
>> Well, I don't have them either. Where
are they?
>> Well, why don't you check in one of my
saddle bags while I chew on a bail of
hay?
>> Okay.
God, we got to go back and get them.
>> Honey, are you seriously ever going to
wear the boots again?
>> Okay, I'm never going to wear them
again.
Just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
>> You know what? You can say goodbye to
the tan ones.
>> Okay.
All right.
>> Okay.
>> Bye, Boots.
>> WAIT, HALF OFF.
>> KNOW WHAT I'M GOING to do about this
coat?
>> I'll take it.
>> That might work.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> All right. Who do you think?
>> You're on in five, Miss Manelli.
Hey.
>> Hi.
>> Hey, you guys. Uh, I need some fashion
advice.
>> Oh,
>> how does this look?
>> Well, it's it's a little low. Pick it up
a little.
A little bit more.
A little bit more. There you go.
Now throw it away.
>> Come on. This looks good.
>> Ross, please. Trust me. I buy 30 fashion
magazines a month. Now, I don't know
who's running for president or who that
NATO guy is, but I do know that you have
to get as far away as you can from that
hat.
>> Damn it. I have this date tomorrow night
and I have to look cool.
>> Well, you know, if you want fashion
help, Rachel and I are going shopping
tomorrow. You're more than welcome to
come with us, right?
>> Really? That would be great. I I mean, I
have to do something. She kind of teased
me about how I dress.
>> I can see why. Nice shirt.
You're wearing the same shirt.
>> Stupid gap on every corner.
>> Wow, this place is awesome.
>> You know what? We should just go. I'm
not going to find anything here. This
stuff is ridiculous. Oh,
>> this place is great.
>> Wow.
>> Ra, come on. I'm not going to wear any
of this. Nothing silver. Okay. Nothing
with hair and nothing with padlocks on
it. Of
>> course, look. Look. I know that some of
this stuff is out there, but I mean,
come on. Look at this. Look at this
sweater. I mean, this is just beautiful.
>> Wow. This is really soft.
$350
>> down from $700. You're saving like 200
bucks.
>> Both logic and math are taking a serious
hit today.
Hey, check this out. It's totally you.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah.
>> Wow. Actually, this this looks pretty
good.
>> Yeah.
>> Boys will be boys.
>> What? They will be.
>> All right, that's it. I'm getting out of
here.
>> No, no, no, Russ. Wait. Come on. All
right. You know what? There's other
stuff. Here's some nice shirts. Look at
these these nice pants. Huh? Actually,
these these might look pretty good on
me.
>> Yes, they will. You know what you should
do? Just go take a walk. All right. I
know your size and I'm going to I'm
going to pick out some really good stuff
for you.
>> Really?
>> Yes. And I know what looks sexy on guys.
Please just wear what I suggest and she
is going to go nuts for you.
>> So, you're saying uh if I wear these
pants, I might be getting into hers.
>> Why do men keep talking to me like this?
>> Some really great stuff. Yeah. Yeah. But
I'm not sure about some of the bras I
got. Oh, really? Do you want to try some
of them on for me? Oh, okay.
Wait, are we in Joey's imagination?
>> Oh, no. I took one of Ross's bags by
mistake. And one of mine is missing. Oh,
well, Ross probably has it. You can get
it from him later.
>> So, what do you think?
Think we're not wearing the same shirt
anymore.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Rachel picked it out for me.
She told me to trust her. And you know
what? I'm glad I did. I turned quite a
few heads on my way over here.
>> Dude, I really don't think you should be
wearing that.
>> Oh, I see. Somebody's afraid of a little
competition with the ladies.
>> Looks like someone is the ladies.
You're just jealous because you couldn't
pull this off. Yeah. Now, if you'll
excuse me, I have a date.
>> See? All eyes on me.
>> Wow, this place looks great.
>> Oh, you are going to love it. And I'm so
glad we're finally doing this.
>> Me, too.
>> Here.
So this was fun.
>> Hey you guys, check it out. Check it
out. Guess what job I just got?
>> I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his
blue blazer black.
What? Blue blazer back. He He wants it
back.
>> You said black. Why would he want his
blue blazer back?
>> Well, you you you know what I meant.
>> No, you messed it up.
You're stupid.
>> Do you Are you going to separate those?
>> Oh god.
>> Oh, am I being like a total laundry
spad? I mean, am I supposed to use like
one machine for shirts and another
machine for pants?
>> Have you Have you never done this
before?
>> Well, not myself, but I I know other
people that have.
>> Okay, you caught me. I'm a laundry
virgin.
>> Uh, well, don't worry. I'll use the
gentle side.
>> Okay. Um
uh basically you want to use one machine
for all your whites.
>> Whites.
>> Okay. A whole another machine for for
your colors.
>> And and third for uh your uh
uh delicates and that would be your bras
and your under panty things.
>> Okay. Well, what about these are white
cotton panties. Would they go with
whites with delicates? Uh that that that
would be a judgment call.
>> Okay.
>> See,
>> she stole my jeans.
>> What?
>> I have been looking for them all week
and she is wearing them.
>> So she stole your pants and then she
came back and wore them in front of you.
>> Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
>> She must have been planning this for
years.
I will prove it to you. Okay. About a
week ago, I was wearing those jeans and
I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an
ink staining on the crotch. Now, when
she comes back, I will find it and show
you that same.
Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the
doubt before we go snooping around her
crotch?
>> I'm quitting. I just helped an
81year-old woman put on a thong and she
didn't even buy it.
I'm telling you, I'm quitting. That's
it. I'm talking to my boss right now.
Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Yes, I
am. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Okay, bye.
Call me when you get this message.
>> Oh, Mr. Walam, I uh really need to talk
to you.
>> In a moment, please. I'm in the middle
of a task and you have a customer.
>> Hi.
>> Hi. I'm Joshua.
>> Hi. I'm Rachel Green. What can I do for
you, Joshua?
>> Well, uh, I need a whole new wardrobe.
My wife, well, my exwife. Oh, I'm so
sorry.
>> Anyway, she burned all of my clothes, so
I got away with two things. This suit
and what turned out to be a uh skirt.
>> Well, at least that's a great suit.
>> Yeah, but it wasn't much fun dropping it
off at the dry cleaners in the skirt.
>> So, I need everything down to underwear.
So, if you're willing, I'm uh I'm all
yours.
Okay,
>> Rachel, you needed to speak to me.
>> No, no, that wasn't me.
>> Well, we should get started. Let me show
you my underwear.
>> The selection of underwear that we
carry.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. It's this way. It's this
way.
>> It's this way. Sorry.
>> Honey, I'm old.
What's wrong?
>> I am so much older than these other
interns. I can't I can't compete with
them.
>> But I saw you were a little older. Got
to look at the positive. You have all
this life experience.
>> Yes, but I don't think life experience
is going to help me with these.
>> Wow.
It's like they're on fire.
>> What are they? They are these prototype
sneakers and I have to come up with
ideas on how to sell them, which I can't
do because no self-respecting adult
would ever wear these.
>> I'll give you $500 for them.
>> What am I supposed to do with these?
>> Come on. Sneakers are easy. You wear
sneakers all the time.
>> Well, first of all, they're not called
sneakers anymore. Apparently, they're
called kicks or skids. And I think I
heard somebody say slurps.
Here, look. They got these wheels that
pop out from the bottom so you can roll
around because apparently walking is too
much exercise.
Kids, kids, roll your way to childhood
obesity.
Would you help me try to sell these?
>> Okay. Have you considered using a girl
with huge knockers?
>> I don't think that's the kind of thing
they're looking for.
>> Hey, that'd work on me.
>> Why do you think I'd buy Mrs.
Butterwarts?
>> You know what? These aren't half bad.
You should suggest something like these
to Ralph Lauren.
>> Okay, first of all, that's stupid. And
second of all, I'm not allowed to talk
to Ralph.
>> All right,
I feel younger already.
>> What's in the bag?
>> Just some presents.
>> Come on, show us what you bought.
>> You know you want to.
Okay.
Okay. Hey, this is a picture frame from
Ben to my parents.
>> I got some uh hers and hers towels for
Susan and Carol.
>> And uh I got this blouse for mom.
>> Poss. That is gorgeous.
>> Look at these authentic fake metals. I
>> tell you, mom's going to be voted best
dressed at the Makebelie Military
Academy.
Thank you.
>> Oh, thank you very much.
>> Oh, thank you for coming.
>> Uh, just a second.
>> No, no, let me in,
>> Phoebe.
>> Yeah. C,
>> can you hold on just one minute?
>> No, you have to let me in right now.
>> Are you alone?
>> Yes.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I GOT IT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> OKAY. My turn. My turn.
>> Okay.
Okay. Ready.
>> Okay.
That was a terrible throw. I'm not going
to throw it right to you. That's not
real.
>> Look at me. My big concern is what's
real.
>> Oh my god.
We're really sad, aren't we?
>> Yeah, I think we are.
>> This isn't even my dress. Well, at least
you didn't rent yours from a store
called It's Not Too Late.
I'm changing out of this.
>> Me, too.
>> In like a half an hour.
>> Me, too. Okay. All right. Now, throw it
straight this time.
>> Okay. Okay.
>> I'm getting married.
>> I feel blue.
>> I bet you anything he's going to call
you again.
>> Yeah, maybe. But, you know, I don't
think I even care.
I don't think he's the one I'm sad
about.
You know, I know that I said I'm totally
okay with Ross getting married, but as
it turns out, I don't think I am
handling it all that well.
>> Yeah, maybe.
>> And and I'm just trying to figure out
why.
>> Any luck?
>> Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know how
Ross and I have always been on again,
off again, on again, off again.
I guess I just figured that somewhere
down the road we would be on again
again.
>> You know what? I think we all did.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. Hey.
>> So, got us reservations for Sunday
night. Okay. How about Ernie's at 9:00?
>> Yeah. Well, you uh better make it for 3.
>> Oh, see, I I don't know if we're going
to be hungry at 3.
Three people. Joshua's not going to be
there.
>> What happened?
>> Um, well, I think I think he broke up
with me.
>> No. Why? Well,
>> apparently he scares easy.
I'm
>> I'm sorry.
It's okay.
>> Sometimes
things don't work out the way you
thought they would.
>> Come here.
>> Oh, hey. Don't you have to go pick up
Emily?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Are you okay?
>> Yeah. And I got my girls.
Okay.
>> Hey, you know who might cheer you up?
>> What?
You know, I got to tell you, this really
does put me in a better mood.
>> I wish there was a job where I could
wear this all the time.
>> Maybe someday there will be.
>> Oh, God. That's Chandler. He's going to
come by and borrow some candles for his
big date.
>> Oh, okay.
>> No. No. Rachel, don't get it. See us.
>> No. Yeah. The groom cannot see the
bride.
>> You're not going to marry Chandler.
>> Not after this.
Okay, guys. Just relax.
>> I do.
>> I got to go.
>> Mona.
Okay. If I were a salmon shirt, where
would I be?
>> I am so sorry. Sorry, I spilled wine all
over your shirt.
>> Oh, it's okay.
>> No, it's still wet. You know what? Let
me get it out before it sets. Oh, I have
something you could wear.
>> Here.
>> Oh,
I don't know if I want to wear a woman's
shirt.
>> No, no, that that's a man's shirt.
>> Aly pink.
Oh,
Oh my god, Ross.
>> Hello,
>> Ros. What are you doing?
>> Not touching myself. If that makes
anyone less uncomfortable.
>> Now, Joe, you know that since you're
returning all of this stuff after the
audition, you're going to have to wear
underwear.
>> All right. Well, you better show me some
of that, too, then.
>> Okay. Hey, it's missing something.
Oh, I know. Um, okay.
>> Really? A purse?
>> It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag.
>> Looks like a woman's purse.
>> No, Joey. Look. Trust me. I'm telling
all the men are carrying them in the
spring catalog. Look. See? Look. Men
carrying the bag.
>> See? Look. Women carrying the bag.
But it is odd how a woman's purse looks
so good on me. A man.
>> Exactly. Unisex.
>> Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple
days ago.
>> No, Joey. You and I sex.
>> Well, I ain't going to say no to that.
Hey. Hey.
>> Wow, you look just like your son, Mrs.
Tribani.
>> What are you referring to? My man's bag.
At first, I thought it just looked good,
but it's practical, too. Check it out.
It's got compartments for all your
stuff. Your wallet, your keys, your
address book, your makeup.
>> Joey, what are you doing with the bag?
Your audition's not till tomorrow.
>> Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.
>> Joey, you know, you get any mustard on
that bag, you can't return it.
>> Why would I ever return this? I love
this bag.
>> All right. Well, then you owe me $350.
>> Fine. Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card,
>> Joey?
>> All right, relax. Look, I'll pay you
with the money from the acting job I am
definitely going to get thanks to you.
>> What's the part? Auntie Mame.
>> Don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.
>> You and I, sexy.
>> Hey, I'm off to my audition. How do I
look?
>> I think you look great. Joey, that bag
is going to get you that part.
>> And a date with a man.
You know what? Make fun all you want.
This is a great bag, okay? And it's as
handy as it is becoming.
Now, just because you don't understand
something doesn't make it wrong. All
right? So, from now on, you guys are
going to have to get used to the fact
that Joey comes with a bag.
>> Ready, Joey?
>> Well, you must be new here. Maybe we get
a table, I'd buy you a drink.
>> I'm sorry. Could you Could you try it
without the purse?
Yeah, sure.
Well, you must be new here. Maybe we
sit. I'm sorry. Can I ask you something?
>> Sure. What?
>> Well, first, it's not a purse.
Okay. Anytime.
>> I mean, if if you're thinking it's a
woman's bag, it's not. It's a man's bag.
Okay. And go.
I Let me show you the catalog.
Look. See? Huh? It's the latest thing.
Everyone's got one. Men, women,
children, everyone's carrying them. Um,
do you sell these bags?
>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. These babies
sell themselves.
>> Okay. Thank you. That was great.
>> Yeah, but I didn't even read anything.
>> I think we've seen enough.
Okay. All right. I'll see you. We got
it. We got it.
>> Hi. I need those earrings you borrowed.
>> Oh. Um. Okay.
>> Yeah. I'll be I'll be right back. Okay.
>> Wow. Fees. You speak Italian?
>> I guess so.
>> There you go. Thank you. Wait, Rich.
Where's the other one? Oh, wait. You
want both of them?
Rachel Karen Green, where's the other
earring? Okay. Okay. Okay. Look, just
don't freak out, but I kind of lost it.
Oh, I know it's in the apartment, but I
definitely lost it. Well, what am I
going to tell Monica? She wants to wear
them tonight. I don't tell her to wear
her own earrings. These are her
earrings. No. No. You lent me Monica's
earrings. I'm not allowed to borrow her
stuff.
>> Why not? because I lose her stuff.
>> Okay, look. We have 19 minutes, okay?
Chandler, I want you to go and change,
okay? And then when you come back, Joey
will go change and he'll have vacated
the chair. Okay? Okay.
>> All right. Fine. I'm going. But when I
GET BACK, IT'S CHAIR CITY, AND I'M THE
GUY WHO'S sitting in a chair.
>> Where's my underwear?
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. Come on.
What? You took his underwear? He took my
essence.
>> Okay, hold on,
>> Joey. Why Why can't you just wear the
underwear you're wearing now?
>> Cuz I'm not wearing any underwear now.
>> Okay. Um, then why do you have to wear
underwear tonight?
>> It's a rented tux. Okay. Not going to go
commando in another man's fatigue.
>> Well, then it looks like somebody's
going to have to give somebody back his
cushions.
>> Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm going to
do the exact opposite to you.
What are you What are you going to show
me? My clothes. Hey, opposite
is opposite.
He's got nothing.
>> Okay, buddy boy. Here it is.
You hide my clothes. I'm wearing
everything you own.
Oh my god,
that is so NOT THE OPPOSITE OF TAKING
SOMEBODY'S UNDERWEAR. Look at me. I'm
Chandler. Could I be wearing any more
clothes?
Maybe if I wasn't going commando.
Yeah,
I'll tell you, it's hot with all this
stuff on. I uh I better not do any I
don't know, lunges.
Okay. Okay. Enough. But enough not for
the lunching. No. I'm sick of this.
Okay. I've had up to here with you two.
Neither of you can come to the party.
Jeez. What a baby.
>> You just be yourself. They live on the
Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
>> Oh, yeah. She can't be herself.
>> Okay. So, all right. Which dress?
>> You can say neither.
>> Oh god. Neither. Neither.
>> I'm sorry, honey. We're going to take
you shopping. It's going to be fine.
>> Yeah, totally. You are in such good
hands. And I am so good with meeting
parents with the father. You know, you
want to flirt a little bit, but not in a
gross way. Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr.
Pinser. I can see where Wallace gets his
good looks."
>> You went out with Wallace Pinser.
>> Oh, he took the SATs for me.
>> I knew you didn't get a 1400.
>> Well, duh.
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
>> Oh, well, with the mother, just just
constantly tell her how amazing her son
is. Take it from me. Moms love me.
Ross's mom one time actually said, "I am
like the daughter that she never had."
She said, "What? That she's like the
daughter she never had."
You and I were talking and and I was so
upset about the hall being knocked down
and she suggested that we just put the
wedding off for a bit.
>> She said, "What?"
>> She said, "If I'm not going to be happy
getting married somewhere that we can
find in a day, well, then we should just
postpone it."
>> Postpone it.
>> Emily, do you think Monica realizes how
much our parents spent on this wedding?
Huh? Do you think my sister's teeny tiny
little brain comprehends that people
took time out of their lives to fly
thousands of miles to be here? Huh?
>> This isn't right.
>> I realize that people are going to be
disappointed,
but I'm sure they'll come back when we
can do it right.
>> Well, I can't ask people to do that.
Would you ask people to do that?
>> Don't you point your pants at me.
We have no choice. Anywhere that's half
decent will have been booked months ago.
Ross, don't you understand? This is our
wedding I'm talking about.
>> The only thing I understand is
postponing it is not an option. This is
when we're getting married.
>> So, what are you saying? It's now or
never.
>> No, I'm saying it's now
>> or
>> there's no or in mine.
>> What is wrong with these pants?
>> It's not the pants. It's you who's
backwards. And if and if you don't
understand how important this is to me,
well then perhaps we shouldn't be
getting married at all.
>> What?
>> Emily, NO. WAIT. STOP. EMILY, PLEASE.
>> HEY, come on. Daddy needs a new pair of
electromagnetic microscopes for the
prehistoric forensics department.
Okay. Take Pinky Tuscadero up to
inspiration point. Collect three cool
points. Yeah. which gives me five. And
let's see who is going to lose their
clothes. Um, I think I pick our strip
poker sponsor, Mr. Joey Tribani.
>> All right, relax. It's just a shoe.
>> Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's.
Collect three cool points, which means I
have five. And that means I get Joey's
boxers.
Fine, gang up on me. I got you all right
where I want you.
>> Come on, take them off.
>> Actually, you know, it's kind of cold.
So, how about I keep my boxers on and
give you all a peek at the good stuff.
>> Look, I feel really bad about how I
freaked you out before, so I called the
father and asked him to meet you here so
you could tell him. Go. What? Hey, wait
a minute. Baby, how do you even know who
the father is? I may play the fool at
times, but I'm a little more than just a
pretty blonde girl with an ass that
won't quit.
I believe this belongs to the father of
your baby.
>> Oh god.
Oh, he's in there right now.
>> Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you
can go in there and rip the band-aid
off. What do you want to do?
Oh,
>> let's rip.
>> Really? Are you sure? Oh, Phoebe. Okay,
sorry. Yeah.
>> Hey, Ra.
>> So, what's this about?
>> Rachel has something that she wants to
tell you. And um I believe that this is
your red sweater.
>> No,
>> this is my red sweater.
>> Oh, no.
Could I get anyone a coffee or
poison? No, just for me. Okay.
>> What's going on, Ra?
>> Nothing. Phoebe kind of made a mistake.
But, you know, you do wear that sweater
a lot. Are are you involved in some kind
of dare?
>> You know, I'm actually glad Phoebe
called.
I know we broke up cuz you thought I
wasn't mature enough, but I've really
grown up and I think we should get back
together. Oh,
>> it's just not the right time.
>> It is the right time.
>> Okay,
>> I'm ready for more.
>> Tag,
>> come on, Ra. Let's give it another try.
>> I'm having a baby.
>> Oh.
You can go.
>> Thank you.
>> What am I sitting on?
>> Top of the world. Dock of the bay.
>> I'm out.
>> Oh, yeah. Why are these? Oh,
>> all right. Whose are they?
>> Whose are they?
>> Not mine.
>> Well, they're Joey's. They got to be
joys.
>> Yeah, they're mine.
>> See, Joy's the Joey Joies.
>> Why are they here?
>> I don't know. Uh,
I'm Joey.
>> Yeah, I'm disgusting. I take my
underwear off in other people's homes.
>> Well, get him out of here. What's wrong
with you?
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
TAKE THEM.
>> JOEY, you can touch them. They're your
underwear.
>> Chandler, a word.
>> Yeah,
>> that's it. I'm tired of covering for you
two. This has got to stop.
>> Hey Guess what I got for your wedding? A
>> freakishly thin date with a hanger for a
head.
>> No, Rachel hooked me up with a tux. But
not just any tux. Batman's tux.
>> That's right. Made expressly for Val
Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film
that Batman film he was in.
>> You can't wear that. I'm wearing the
famous tux. James Bond's tux.
>> So
>> So if you wear that, it'll make mine
less special.
Well, you need something to make this
date special. Hello. You had the most
special thing of all. You are marrying
the woman you love.
>> Please don't take away my cool thing.
Please, pretty please.
>> Pretty please. Not very uh 007.
>> Look, it's my wedding day, okay? If you
were getting married, I would never do
anything to upset you.
>> When I got married, you slept with my
sister.
>> That was pretty 007. Give me back my
sweater or it's handbag marinara.
>> You don't have the guts.
>> Oh yeah? Well, at least I wasn't too
chicken to tell some guy I thought he
was cute.
>> Oh. All right. Stop. Stop the madness.
This is crazy. Who can even remember why
you started fighting in the FIRST PLACE?
>> SHE KNEW THAT I JO
YES, that's right.
But still, I look at your purse.
Look at your sweater.
Look at yourselves.
I'll help you fix your sweater.
I'll help you throw out your purse.
>> I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing
him.
>> Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when
I knew you liked him.
>> I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.
>> Hey guys. Hey. Soap.
What do you think?
>> About what? What?
>> Yeah. What?
>> Are you kidding?
>> Okay, I'll give you a hint. I'll give
you a hint.
>> Eyes. No. No. Your eyes? No. Chandler's
eyes.
>> I got glasses.
>> You always had glasses.
>> No, I didn't.
>> Are you sure?
Yeah. Did Didn't you used to have a
pair? They were really round and
burgundy and they made you look kind of
um
>> feminine.
>> Yes.
>> No,
>> sweetie. I think the glasses look great.
They make you look really sexy.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> And you didn't think I used to wear
glasses, right?
>> Of course.
>> So, the Porsche guy took his car back.
But you found the keys to his clothes.
>> No, I just uh I just love the way it
feels when everybody thinks I own a
Porsche.
>> And people would think you own a Porsche
because you're wearing the clothes.
>> Of course,
only an idiot would wear this stuff if
you didn't have the car.
>> That is true.
>> Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a
sonic blaster gun. Oh, I've been there.
>> I am going to go drive my Porsche.
>> Joey, you know you don't actually have
one.
>> Come on. What are you doing? I'm in
character. Will you talk to her?
>> Hey. Hey. Hey. Careful around my
Porsche.
>> Hi, Joey.
>> Hey. How you doing?
>> He has the most amazing Porsche under
there. I'd love to show you, but I just
tucked her in. She's sleeping.
>> Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go
for a drink?
>> Uh, here's a box of your stuff.
>> What?
>> Uh, you know, it's just like hats and
shirt and CDs. Just sort of stuff that
you've left here.
>> What are you doing? Are you Are you
trying to hurt me or something?
>> No.
Ross, it
it just seems that, you know, it's time
we, you know, move on. I I mean, don't
you think?
>> Yes.
>> Yeah.
>> Yes, I do.
>> Yeah. I I really do.
Hey,
this this was a gift.
>> Ross, you got that for free from the
museum gift shop.
>> It's still a gift. I got it from the
gift shop.
Okay. All right. Give me the mug. I'll
keep the mug.
>> No. You know, you know, don't do me any
favors. In fact, where
where's the rest of my stuff? Huh? Like,
like my um Hey, this book is mine.
And and and and that t-shirt you sleep
in. I'd like that back, too. Yes, I do.
>> You know how much I love that t-shirt.
You never even wear that t-shirt. I'm
just trying to help you move on.
>> Oh, you are a petty man. You are a
petty, petty, petty,
>> petty, petty small.
>> You are so just doing this out of spite.
>> A no, no, no. I'm I'm going to wear this
all the time. I love this shirt.
>> You have not worn that t-shirt since you
were 15. It doesn't even fit you
anymore.
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.
Now,
>> if you don't mind, I'm going to take the
rest of my stuff
and relax
in my favorite shirt.
You have a pleasant evening.
Hey guys.
>> Hey sweetie.
>> Ready to go?
>> Yeah, sure. Oh, I left my purse up at
Monica's. I'll be right back.
>> Wait a minute.
>> What?
Ooh.
Whoa. That one kept going.
>> Wow. You and Phoebe, huh? How long you
been going out?
>> Over a month. Wow. Maybe, uh, maybe you
and I ought to get to know each other a
little better.
>> Sure, I'd like that.
>> Yeah. So, uh,
what's your name?
>> It's Jake.
>> Joey.
>> Hey, Jake. Uh, do you like the Knicks?
>> Yeah, big fan.
>> Me, too. There's a game on Tuesday.
>> You want to go?
>> Yeah, that'd be great. Let me make sure
I'm not doing anything Tuesday.
Hey, Pete. Hey.
>> Listen, you know how uh when you're
wearing pants and you lean forward, I
check out your underwear?
>> Yeah.
Well, when Jake did it, I saw that he
was wearing women's underwear.
>> I know. They were mine.
>> Oh,
no. No, wait. That's weird.
>> No, it's not. We were just goofing
around and I dared him to try them on.
>> That's weird.
>> I'm wearing his briefs right now.
>> That's kind of hot.
>> I think so, too.
>> And that little flap great for holding
my lipstick.
>> Yeah, I wouldn't know about that.
And you know Jake says that women's
underwear is actually more comfortable
and he loves the way the silk feels
against his skin.
>> Yeah. Well, next thing you know he'll be
telling you that your high heels are
good for his posture.
>> There is nothing wrong with Jake. Okay.
He is all man. I'm thinking even more
than you.
>> Oh yeah. He look like a real lumberjack
in those pink laces.
I'm just saying that only a man
completely secure with his masculinity
could walk around in women's underwear.
I don't think you could ever do that.
>> Hey, I am secure with my masculinity.
>> Okay, whatever.
>> You've seen my huge stack of porn,
right?
Yeah.
>> Hey, Febs. Hey,
>> check it out.
>> Huh?
>> All right.
>> How much of a man am I?
>> Wow. Nice. Manly and also kind of a
>> You know, I'm beginning to see what Jake
was talking about.
>> The silk feels really good.
>> Yeah. And and things aren't as smashed
down as I thought they were going to be.
>> It's great, Joe.
>> Yeah. And you have so many more choices
than you do with men's underwear.
Bikini, French cut, thong, and and the
fabrics. You got cotton, silk, lace, and
you know what? I've always wondered
about
>> panty hoes.
>> You know, the way they start at your toe
and then they go all the way up to
>> I should go take these off, shouldn't I?
>> I think it's important that you do.
feel better?
>> Yeah. Much
Listen, uh not that I'm insecure about
my manhood or anything, you know, but uh
I think I need to hook up with a woman
like right now.
>> Yeah, I understand.
>> Yeah. Okay.
>> Hey. Hi.
>> Hi.
>> You look familiar. Do I know you from
somewhere? I don't think so.
>> Maybe it's because I'm on television.
>> I'm an actor on Days of Our Lives.
>> Wow.
>> Really?
>> Mhm.
>> 450, please.
>> Oh, let me get this.
>> These are for you.
>> Hey. Hey. Where is everybody? They took
Ben to the park. Where have you been?
Just out. Had some lunch. Just me.
Little quality time with me. Hey, thanks
for your jacket.
>> Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by
the way.
Oh, here are your keys, honey.
>> Man. Mhm.
>> If uh you were at lunch alone, how come
it cost you uh $53?
You know what probably happened?
Someone must have stolen my credit card.
And sort of just put the receipt back in
your pocket.
That is an excellent, excellent
question.
That is excellent.
Monica, what's with you? Who did you
have lunch with?
>> Judy. Who?
>> Julie.
>> What?
>> Jodie.
You were with Julie? Oh, look.
When it started, I was just trying to be
nice to her because she was my brother's
girlfriend.
And then one thing led to another and
before I knew it, we were
shopping.
Oh my god.
Wait, we only did it once.
>> It didn't mean anything to me.
Yeah, right.
>> Really?
>> Sure,
>> Rachel. I was thinking of you the whole
time.
>> Look,
I'm sorry. All right. I I never meant
for YOU TO FIND OUT.
>> OH, PLEASE. PLEASE. YOU WANTED TO GET
CAUGHT. THAT IS NOT TRUE.
>> OH, SO YOU JUST SORT OF HAPPENED TO
LEAVE IT in here? Did it ever occur to
you that I might just be that stupid?
Okay, Monica, I just have to know one
thing.
>> Did you go with her to Blooming Dales?
>> Okay,
okay,
okay. I just really um I just really
need to not be with you right now.
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