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[Music]
let me ask you why is everybody using
these tiny little lights nowadays I
remember when people used to use big
lights that's a good story
Grandpa hey hey hey wow Monica's letting
other people help decorate her tree did
someone get her drunk again
or having a perfectly decorated tree is
not what Christmas is about it's about
being with the people that you love that
is nice and we're done taada
I don't know what it is just doesn't
quite feel like Christmas to me oh
yes see now it feels like
Christmas St sat on Santa's lab asked
him to bring my friends all kinds of
crap said all you need is to write them
a song they haven't heard it yet so
don't try to sing
along no don't sing along
[Music]
Monica
Monica have a happy
[Music]
Hanukah saw Santa Claus he said hello to
Ross and please tell Joey Christmas will
be
snowing and Rachel and
Chandler how
[Music]
happy holidays everybody hey hey hey hey
how much did you guys tip the super this
year yeah we were going to give 50 but
if you guys gave more we don't want to
look bad oh actually this year we just
made him homemade
cookies and 25 it
is you gave him cookies money is so
impersonal cookie says someone really
cares all right we're broke but cookies
do say
that I can see that played a brownies
once told me a
limmer PE let me ask you something were
these uh funny
brownies not
especially but you know what I think
they had pot in
them so you guys who else did you tip
with
cookies uh the mailman the
super oh and the newspaper delivery
guy oh my God what uh I don't think
you're going to like
this oh gosh oh there's a cookie smashed
in the sports
section oh look and he did my crossword
puzzle yeah but not very well unless 14
across gerswin musical actually is bite
me bite me bite me bite okay okay here's
a good one of us wow that is a good one
wow looks like a like a holiday card you
know with the tree in the middle and the
the skaters and the snow you know every
year I say I'm going to send out holiday
cards and I never do it do you want to
do you want to send this one out
together together like to to
people yeah you know happy holidays from
Mona and Ross it'll be cute
okay
okay oh I got to get to work so call me
later oh sure sure bye guys
bye congratulations you just got married
I no can you believe that wait I'm I'm
sorry what's the big deal about a
holiday card married couple send out
cards famili send out cards people
who've been dating for a couple of
months do not send out cards what what
is she crazy hey hey hey hey hey that's
your wife you're talking
about H and Merry Christmas oh thank you
sir here's some
Joy hey want to see how it's going well
it's going okay oh good here let me help
you out oh thanks yeah
wow is that a new sleed jacket it looks
really
expensive yeah I
guess just get your nails
done yes baby but this is all I have
okay okay thanks happy holidays here's
your joy thank
you thank you happy holidays and wait
you you can't take the money out I'm
making change I need change for the bus
but can't you leave the dollar this
money's for the poor I'm poor I got to
take the
bus okay season's greetings and
everything but still bite me
Blondie oh I'm going to give him
something besides Joy just that's not
someone that I would would be attracted
to but right now with the way I'm
feeling all I want to do is rip off his
sweatpants and fanny
pack wait a second this is about the
fourth month of your pregnancy right
yeah this is completely normal around
the fourth month your hormones start
going crazy really so this has happened
to you oh absolutely yeah oh and keep in
mind now I was carrying triplets so you
know in medical terms I was I was Thrice
as
Randy wow this explains so much last
weekend I went from store to store
sitting on Santa's
laps yeah yeah I remember trying to
steal the cardboard cut out of a Vander
Holyfield from a Foot Locker uh
yeah well you know what I go see my
doctor tomorrow I'll ask her about this
maybe she can give me a pill or
something yeah yeah that's what you need
a good
pill hey hello sir you here to return
those
pants no these are my
pants oh oh
okay how can I help you well um do you
have a Santa outfit left 2 days before
Christmas sorry man okay look do do you
have anything uh Christmasy I promis my
son and I I really don't want to
disappoint him um come on I you got to
have
something I'm the holiday
armadillo I'm a friend of Santa and he
sent me here to wish you a Merry
Christmas what happened to Santa holiday
armadillo Santa was unavailable so close
to
Christmas oh come in have a seat you
must be exhausted coming all the way
from
Texas Texas that's right Ben I'm Santa's
representative for all the Southern
States and
Mexico what Santa sent me here to give
you these presents Ben maybe the lady
will help me with these presents
[Applause]
wow thanks you're welcome Ben Merry
Christmas o and happy
Hanukah are you for Hanukkah too because
I'm part Jewish you are me
too because armadillos also wandered in
the
desert he sprained to his sleigh to his
team gave a whistle and away they all
flew like the down of a thistle but I
heard him exclaim a he drove out of
sight Merry Christmas to all and to all
a good
night
wow that was great you really wrote
that uh-huh say goodbye elves I'm off to
Tulsa I can't believe you're not going
to be here for Christmas you're really
not coming back yeah we have all this
paperwork and to be filed by the end of
the year if I don't get it done I'll be
fired just it's so unfair you don't even
like your job so who does oh I like my
job I can't wait to go back to work I
Can't Get Enough
dinosaurs I'm sorry I won't be here just
it's hard enough not seeing you during
the week but for
Christmas what this is what you have to
do I understand
thanks I'll see you New Year's Day
you're not going to be here New Year's
Eve did I not mention that
no and you all a good
[Music]
night Die Hard still great
yeah hey what do you say we make it a
double feature what else did you in Die
Hard
too Joey this is die hard one again
but we watch it a second time and it's
die hard
too Joey we just saw it and and it would
be cool to see it again
[Applause]
yeah hey what are you guys doing making
holiday candy for the Neighbors I'm
sorry
who I'm going to hang this basket on the
door and then when the neighbors walk by
they can all take a
piece but we don't know the neighbors I
do there's a let's say guy with a
mustache smokes a lot lady and kids I've
seen and a red-haired guy who does not
like to be called
Rusty see this is exactly why I'm making
this candy we can learn their names and
get to know our neighbors wouldn't it be
easier if we just
moved you look in the kitchen I will
look in the back closet I can save you
time ladies I'm right
here yeah Chandler one don't you take a
walk this doesn't concern
you we are looking for our Christmas
presents for Monica what that's terrible
no no we do it every year oh well that
that makes it not
terrible no yeah we never find them
she's always best at us that Wy
minks yeah don't worry we're just going
to search here for an hour and then
we're going to go over to Joy's and
search okay no not okay you can't look
for Monica's presence oh no we have to
no you don't have to and you can't
because I I live here
too well then you should look with
us why Chandler aren't you worried about
what to get Monica for Christmas no I
have a great idea for a present for her
oh that's it a great idea
okay Chand that's not enough I mean what
if she gets you a great present two
medium presents and then a bunch of
little presents and you've just gotten
her one great present I mean that's just
going to make her feel bad why would you
do that to her Chandler why why
if I helped we could find him faster
that's
right hey rage you know what I think I
think I know what'll make you feel
better how about you make a list about
me what forget it Ross no I'm not going
to stand here and make a list of okay
you're whiny you are you're obsessive
you are insecure you're you're gutless
you know you don't ever you don't just
sort of seize the day you know you like
me for what a year and you didn't do
anything about it and uh
oh you wear too much of that gel in your
hair see there you uh all right you you
did what I
said yeah and you know what you're right
I do feel better thank you
Ross
hey hey what are you doing here well I I
thought a lot about what you said and um
I realized I maybe I was a little
judgmental yeah oh but oh now pH
remember hey they're just fulfilling
their Christmas Destiny sure
yes
okay yikes that one doesn't look very
fulfilled oh that's uh that's one of the
old ones he's just taking it to the back
you keep the old ones in the back that
is so
aist but we have to make room for the
fresh ones so what happens to the old
guys well they go into the
chipper well I have a feeling that's not
as happy as it
sounds
[Applause]
no hey
hey Chandler Bing hi honey we're all
here we just want to wish you a Merry
Christmas Merry Christmas
Merry a merry Christmas I miss you guys
so is it horrible is everybody working
really hard uh well no it's just uh me
and
Wendy Wendy that sounds like a girl's
name it is did I not tell you about her
mhm about the time you told me about New
Year's Eve where's everybody else I sent
them home oh you are such a good boss is
she
pretty uh uh answer faster answer faster
I don't know answer better answer
better I don't think of her that way you
know I she's a uh she's a colleague what
does she do there oh she's regional vice
president she's just below me she did
what below
me oh wait is Wendy the runnerup Miss
Oklahoma
what well she she didn't win
well maybe I should let you and the
second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get
back to work well second prettiest that
year I mean of all the girls in Oklahoma
she's probably oh Chandler stop
talking honey there's really nothing to
worry about okay I'm serious okay Merry
Christmas Merry Christmas Merry
Christmas you guys
the wife says hi ah fun conversation oh
well she's just got this weird idea that
uh you know just because you and I are
alone that something's going to happen H
really H that be so
terrible this is probably the wrong
thing to be worrying about but you're
getting Ham on my only tie it's a
slinky remember huh a walks downstairs a
loner impairs everyone knows
it just a Big
Spring all right you're still mad at me
because of the whole horrible and
degrading list of reasons not to be with
me how about from now on we just call it
the unfortunate
incident hey gun you got stairs in your
place yeah yeah go nuts there we
go hey guys hey hey
what's in the
bag just some presents come on show us
what you
bought you know you want
to okay 10 blocks down five to go oh
wait stop stop up well I'm sorry do you
need a
break my boat's in tan hey can you get a
little closer so I can see the price I
can see it from right here it'll cost
you one
husband okay I'm I'm sorry I think I I
can walk the rest of the way now just
just give me my
boots I don't have your boots well I
don't have them either where are they
well why don't you check in one of my
saddle bags while I chew on a bail of
hay God we got to go back and get them
honey are you seriously ever going to
wear the boots
again okay I'm never going to wear them
again just didn't get a chance to say
goodbye you know what you can say
goodbye to the tan
ones
okay all
right okay bye boots wait half
[Music]
off guys there's uh somebody I'd like
you to
meet wait wait what is that that would
be Marcel you want to say hi no no I
don't oh he is precious where did you
get him my friend bethl rescued him from
some lab that is so cruel why why would
a parent name their child
[Laughter]
bethl hey that monkey's got a Ross on
his
[Laughter]
ass Ross is he going to live with you
like in your apartment yeah I mean it's
been kind of quiet since Carol left so
why don't you just get a roommate uh I
don't know I think you reach a certain
age having a roommate is just kind of
pathet sorry that's that's pathet which
is sanskrit for a really cool way to
[Music]
live I just got us reservations at
Michelle's and tickets to The Music Man
to celebrate our first holiday season as
a betrothed couple betro betr
couple
hey a
theves
skull oh yeah it's my mom's oh my
God no it's not it's not my mom it
belonged to my
mom yeah no she used to put it out every
Christmas to remind us that even though
it's Christmas people still
die and you can put candy in
it hey hey hey licorice
sure hey I just found out I get B for
the holidays this year great are you
going to dress up as Santa nope I mean I
know Susan does every year but I think I
want to take this year to teach him all
about Hanukkah and maybe I could teach
Ben about the Christmas skull and how
people
die you may need to use this year to
teach Ben about Phoebe was that that
little bit of oil that should have
lasted just one day burned for eight
whole days that's that's right and
that's why we celebrate Hanukkah today
the end awesome
yeah my favorite part was when Superman
flew all the Jews out of
Egypt the armadillo was actually not so
thrilled about that
part okay Ben it's time to light the
Hanukkah candles
hey oh wow looks like the Easter Bunny's
funeral in
here come on come on we we're lighting
the candles come
[Music]
on I understand why Superman is here but
why is there a porcupine at the Easter
Bunny's funeral
who is that don't worry I'm brave I am
brave I I am
brave oh no no no no
no can you tell me who is there
please my name's Gary I live
upstairs hi hi do you know what time it
is it's candy
time my roommate says that they taste
like little drops of Heaven oh please
did you hear that little drop to
Heaven 4
a.m. so can I get some C I am sorry but
some of us have to get up early and go
to
work he does not know that I am not some
of
us um listen I'm sorry but I I'll put
some out first thing in the morning well
okay I'll swing by later you live in
this
building seems like I would have
remembered you
night
gar hey look at this they're lighting
the big Christmas tree tonight um that
paper's 2 weeks
old all right who keeps leaving old
newspapers in the
trash I really wanted to take Kathy to
this I can't believe I missed it hey you
know at least you have somebody to miss
that stuff with hate being alone this
time of year next thing you know it'll
be Valentine's Day day then my birthday
then bang before you know it they're
lighting that damn tree
again I want
somebody you know I want a
man I mean it doesn't even have to be a
big relationship you know just like a
fling would be great really I didn't
think girls ever just wanted a fling
well let me tell you something it's been
a long time since I've have been
flung well I know what I'm giving you
for
Christmas you know what there's some
nice guys in my office you want me to
set you up yeah wait a minute it's been
a long time that I've been single how
come you've never offered this before
well I have a girlfriend I'm I'm
happy so I no longer feel the need to go
out of my way to stop others from being
happy okay no accountants oh and no from
like legal I don't like guys with boring
jobs oh and Ross was like what a lion
tamer hey oh my God
hey look at that it's a Christmas
miracle what are you doing here I wanted
to be with you I missed you so much hey
hey uh who' you miss the most
Monica gotcha
I never want to leave you again but I
thought if you left you'd get fired
turns out they can't fire me because I
quit what what you you really quit your
job yeah it was a stupid job and I could
not stand leaving you and why should I
be the only one who doesn't get to do
what he really wants to do what do you
really want to do I have not thought
this
through oh my God I know I I should have
talked to you first about it no I think
that this is what you want to do I think
it's
great
thanks janler your being here is the
best Christmas present I could have ever
imagined Now give me my real
gift okay this way is on so this
is
off did you just break the radiator no
no I was turning the knob and and here
it
is well put it
back it uh it won't go back call the
super here let me try oh oh that's right
I forgot about your ability to fuse
metal hey it's Funny's cousin not funny
hi Mr trigger hi it's Rachel Green from
upstairs yes somebody uh broke our knob
on the radiator and it's really hot in
here yes it's it's hot enough to bake
cookies well do you think we could have
a new one by
6 what no no Tuesday we can't wait until
Tuesday we're having a party tonight
okay tip the man no if he doesn't like
our cookies too bad I'm not going to be
blackmailed look if worse comes to worse
it gets a little warm we'll call it a
theme party hey here's a theme come on
in live like bacon honey I'm home
from the tequila
factory it was awful to get out of going
to dinner with Doug I told him that you
and I split up so then he took me to all
these strip clubs and sleazy bars and
then when I wouldn't give him my wedding
ring he threw a soda can at a
bird here I could breathe through my
mouth you know what the worst part was I
got to see what my life would be like
without you you know it was like uh It's
a Wonderful Life with La
dances please promise me that you will
never leave me that we will grow old
together and be with each other for the
rest of our
lives I
promise hey speaking of together how
about we send out a holiday card this
year oo I I don't know if we're there
yet
[Music]
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