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what next blow a bubble a bubble's good
it's got a uh boyish charm it's
impish here we
[Laughter]
go nice going imp okay okay it it's okay
all I need to do is reach over and put
it back in my mouth
good save we're back on track and
I'm chewing someone else's
gum this is not my gum oh my God oh my
God and now you're
choking are you all
right oh my God you're choking
yes thank you that
was that was
Perfection here's the thing Janice you
know I mean it's like we're different
you know I'm like the bing bing bing
you're like the boom boom boom Oh my God
I'm so
sorry this is the worst breakup in the
history of the world oh my
God okay how many of those have you had
oh I don't know a
million Chan easy easy go to go to your
happy
[Music]
place I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine all
right I'm not fine here she comes she's
kind wait here okay what breathe
[Laughter]
how do you do that I it's like a gift
can I use your phone yeah U but for
future reference um that thing in your
hand can also be used as a
phone yes it's
working why isn't she calling me back
maybe she never got your message you
know if you want you can call her
machine and if she has a lot of beeps
that means she probably didn't get her
messages yet you don't think that makes
me seem a little desperate needy
pathetic ah you obviously saw my
personal
ad how many beeps she
answered you see this is where you'd use
that hello word we talked about I'm not
going to talk to her she obviously got
my message and is choosing not to call
me now I'm needy and snubbed
God I miss just being
needy can you see my nipples through
this
shirt no but don't worry I'm sure
they're still
there where are you going Mr Su man well
I have an appointment to see Dr Robert
pilman career counselor
Agogo I added the
Agogo career counselor hey you guys all
know what you want to do I
don't hey you guys in the living room
all know what you want to do you know
you have goals you have dreams I don't
have a dream uh the Lesser known I don't
have a dream
speech oh I love my life I love my life
a Bryant
song the meeting with that guy went
great so great he showed me where the
restaurant's going to be it's it's it's
this cute cute little place on tth
street it's not too big it's not too
small it's just right was it formerly
owned by a blonde woman and some bears
[Music]
[Music]
so pretty
this must have cost him a fortune I
can't believe he did this come on Ross
remember back in college when he fell in
love with Carol and bought her that
ridiculously expensive Crystal
duck what did you just
say crystal duck
[Applause]
no no no the um the love
part
Fon oh my
god oh no no no no that's good just keep
rubbing your head that'll turn back
time this is UN unbelievable I mean this
is unbelievable I know this is really
really huge no it's not it's small it's
tiny it's petite it's
we uhuh I don't think any of our lives
are ever going to be the same ever
again okay is there a mute button on
this woman four letters Circle or hoop
ring damn it ring
thanks hey you know our phone's not
working
what I tried to call you from the coffee
shop there was no answer I turned it off
Mother of God I turned it
off just like you told her you
did just pointing out the
irony oh I miss you
already can you believe this happened no
no and yet it
did goodbye Janice kiss me
oh Chandler
sorry oh Chandler
sorry hey Janice I'm Monica okay well
this was very
special great you g see who's out
here what's going oh my God
Janice Janice is going to go away now
I'll be right back
oh Joey look who it is
whoa oh good Joey's home now this is so
much fun this is like a reunion in the
hall oh hi Ross yeah there's someone I
want you to say hi
to he just happened to go Hello Ross yes
that's right it's me how did you know
laying off people in every Department
Hey listen I know I came in late last
week but I slept funny and my hair was
very very SC Not you
relax ever have to fire
anyone
Nina
Nina
Nina
n are you
okay yes yes I
am uh listen the reason that I called
you in here today was
uh please don't hate
me
what would you like to have dinner
[Music]
sometime and that's the Chrysler
Building right there oh
Nina Mr
Douglas cool
tie she's still here yes yes she
is didn't I memo you on this see after I
let her go uh I got a call from her
psychiatrist Dr fan and and Dr Flynn and
Dr
Flynn and uh he informed me that uh she
took the news rather badly in fact he he
mentioned the word Frenzy
you're kidding she seems so oh no no nah
she
is in fact if you asked her right now
she would have no recollection of being
fired at all none at
all that's unbelievable and yet
believable so I've decided not to fire
her again until I can be assured that
she will be no threat to herself or
others I see I guess you never really
know what's going on inside a person's
head well I guess that's why they call
it psychology G
[Music]
sir they're tiny and chubby and so sweet
to touch soon they'll grow up and resent
you so
much now they're Ying at you and you
don't know why and you cry and you cry
and you
cry and you cry and you cry and you
thanks Ross yeah I'm paying you to stop
okay
oh look twins my guys oh cute
cute no fair I don't even have one how
come they get two you'll get one oh yeah
when all right I'll tell you what when
we're 40 if neither of us are married
what do you say you and I get together
and have one why won't I be married when
I'm
40 oh no no no I I just meant
hypothetically okay hypothetically why
won't I be married when I'm 40
no no no no no what is it seriously is
there something fundamentally
unmarriable about
me uh uh
well dear God this this parachute is a
napsack mom everything's going fine
really yeah Ross is great he's a he's in
a whole other place no he's
gone no no you you don't have to fly
back
really what do you mean this might be
your only chance would you stop I'm only
26 I'm I'm not even thinking about
babies
yet we're in a virtual
snow you go
kids and then the peacock bit
me please kiss me at midnight
you seen Sandy o uh I don't know how to
tell you this but uh she's in Monica's
bedroom getting it on with Max that
scientist
geek oh look at that I didn't know how
to tell
you everybody the ball is ding
what the ball is
ding it'll be midnight and the moment of
joy is upon us
looks like that no date pack thing
worked
out everybody looks so happy I hate that
not everybody's happy hey
Bobby happy
new you know I uh just thought I'd throw
this out here I'm no math whz but I do
believe there are three girls and three
guys right
here oh I don't feel like kissing anyone
tonight
I can't kiss anyone so I'm kissing
everyone no no no you can't kiss Ross
that's your brother oh yeah perfect
perfect so now everybody's going to kiss
but me all right somebody kiss me
somebody kiss me it's midnight somebody
kiss somebody kiss me it's midnight
[Applause]
it's
huh wow it's huge it's so much bigger
than the cubicle
oh this is a
cube look at
this you have a
window yes indeedy with a beautiful view
of oh look that guy's
peeing okay that's enough for the view
all right check this out look at this
okay sit down here okay okay this is
great this is
great yeah
Helen could you come in here for a
moment thank you Helen that'll be
all last time I do that I
promise you pick one just pick one here
how about that one that's patio
furniture for what like people are going
to come in and think uh-oh I'm outside
again
F what about the
birds I don't know Birds just don't say
hello sit here eat
something you pick one all right how
about the ladybugs oh so forget about
the birds but big red insects suggest
fine diamonds fine you want to get the
birds get the birds not like that I
won't Kip would have like the birds
hey
kiky what are you doing just trying to
get comfortable can't sleep in my
underwear well you're going
to I've been thinking you know about how
I'm always seeing girls on top of
girls are they end to end or tall like
pancakes you know what I mean about how
I'm always going out with all these
women cuz I always figured when the
right one comes along I'll be able to be
a standup guy and Go the Distance you
know I'm looking at my dad thinking
you're not him you're
you when they were all over you to go
into your father's pipe fitting business
did you cave no no you decided to go
into the out of work actor
business now that wasn't easy but you
did
it and I'd like to believe that when the
right woman comes along you will have
the courage and the guts to say no
thanks I'm
[Applause]
married you really think so yeah I
really do thanks Chandler get
off Chandler's coming and he says he has
like this incredible news so when he
gets here let's all act like you know
hey hey okay never mind but it was going
to be really
good what's going on what is so it's a
typical day at work I'm inputting my
numbers and Big Al calls me into his
office and tells me he wants to make me
processing supervisor that is
congratulations so I quit why why why
this was supposed to be a temp job yeah
Chan are you've been there for 5
years if I took this promotion it would
be like admitting that this is what I
actually do so was it a lot more money
it doesn't matter I just don't want to
be one of those guys that's in his
office until 12:00 at night worrying
about the
wenus the the wenus weekly estimated net
usage systems it's a processing
term oh that ween
[Music]
is this is unbelievable it's been like a
half an hour this was a cartoon you'd be
looking like a ham right about now oh
there's the waitress Excuse Me Miss
hello Miss that's
phoi hi hey
hi okay will that be
all wait wait what what are you doing
here yeah um I was over there and then
you said excuse me hello Miss so now I'm
here no no how come you working here
right yeah cuz it's close to where I
live and the aprons are really
cute can we start over yeah okay great
I'm going to be over here
I'm sorry I'm sorry that is it you just
barge in here you don't knock you have
no respect for anybody's privacy no you
wait this is ridiculous just say one
thing what what that's a relatively open
weave and I can still see
your nipular areas I'm sorry I'm sorry I
could I could
[Music]
EXC it says to call this number if
you're not completely satisfied with
this candy
bar well I'm not completely
satisfied listen it's kind of an
emergency well I guess you'd know that
or we'd be in the predicament
room hold on fill these out sit over
there look look look look I don't want
to make any trouble okay but I'm in a
lot of pain here all right my face is
dented well you'll have to wait your
turn well how long do you think it'll
be any minute
now I love your mom's books I love her
books I cannot get on a plane without
one I mean this is so cool yeah well you
wouldn't think it's cool if you're 11
years old and all your friends are
passing around page 79 of mistress
hey hey hey she's on
ah not a
beinging before we get to the book now
now what is this about you you being
arrested in London what is that all
about your mom was arrested sh busy
beaming with pride okay this is kind of
embarrassing but occasionally after I've
been intimate with the man now why would
you say that's
embarrassing I just get this craving for
kungpow chicken that's too much
information
[Applause]
all right so now you're doing this whole
book tour thing how is that going oh
fine I'm leaving for New York tomorrow
which I hate but I get to see my son who
I
love this is the way that I find out
most moms use the
phone you know don't take this wrong I I
just don't see you as a mom somehow I
don't mean that I don't mean that bad oh
no I am a fabulous mom I got my son his
first condo
and then he burst into flames I think
it's the most beautiful table I've ever
seen I know so how does this work going
to balance the plates on these little
guys heads cares we'll eat at the sink
come
on heads up Ross score you suck
this guy says hello I want to kill
myself are you okay sweetie I just feel
like someone reached down my throat
grabbed my small intestine pulled it out
of my mouth and tied it around my neck
cookie Carol moved her stuff out today
let me get you some coffee
thanks no oh no no don't stop cleansing
my aura
don't just leave my aura alone
okay I'll be fine all right really
everyone I hope she'll be very happy no
you don't no I don't to hell with her
she left
me and you never knew she was a
lesbian no okay why does everyone keep
fixating on
that she didn't know how should I
know sometimes I wish I was a
lesbian did I say that out
loud all right Ross look you're feeling
a lot of pain right now you're angry
you're hurting can I tell you what the
answer is strip
joints come on you're single have some
hormones see but I don't want to be
single okay I just I just I just want to
be married again
and I just want a million
dollars that was the first day oh
excellent everyone was so so nice see it
pays to know the man who wears my
shoes
me no I didn't tell anybody that I knew
you why not well because you
know they don't like
you what I thought you'd do that
nuh-uh who doesn't like me
everyone except for um no
everyone what are you talking about
don't feel bad you know they used to
like you a lot but then you got promoted
and you know now you're all like Mr Boss
Man you know Mr Bing Mr Bing boss man
Bing I can't believe it
yeah yeah they even do
you they do
me you know like um okay um could that
report be any
later I don't sound like that oh oh yeah
you
do the hills are alive with the
sound of music
[Applause]
my scone my
scone okay I don't sound like that that
is so not
true that is so not that is so not that
oh shut
up Rush 10:00 is it it feels like
two
10:00
what there's a beautiful woman at 8 9
10:00
oh hello she's amazing she makes the
women I dream about look like short fat
bald
men well go over to her she's not with
anyone oh yeah right and what would my
opening line be excuse
me come on she's a person you can do it
oh please could she be more out of my
league Ross back me up here he can never
get a woman like that in a million years
thank you
buddy oh oh but you know you always see
these really beautiful women with these
really nothing guys you could be one of
those
guys you could do that yeah absolutely
oh God I can't believe I'm even
considering this I'm very very aware of
my tongue come on come on here it
goes yes hi um okay next word would be
uh
Chandler Chandler is my name and
uh
hi yes you said that yes yes I did but
what I didn't say was what I was about
to say what I wanted to say was uh would
you like to go out with me sometime
thank you good
night
Chandler hey I didn't know you could
dance what' you
think I didn't know
you we come on you guys it wasn't that
bad I was the lead it was better than
that thing I did with the trolls at
least you got to see my
head saw your head saw your head she
said yes she said
yes awful play man
what her name's Aurora and she's Italian
and she pronounces my name Chandler
Chandler I think I like it better that
way oh listen the Usher gave me this to
give to you what is it the Estelle
Leonard talent agency what wow an agency
left me its card maybe they want to sign
me based on this
play based on this
play hey
don't it's worse than the
thong this is so unfair why is it so I
have a flaw big deal like Joey's
constant knuckle cracking isn't annoying
and Ross with his over pronouncing every
single word and Monica with that snort
when she laughs I mean what the hell is
that
thing I accept all those flaws why can't
you accept me for
this does the knuckle cracking bother
everybody
well I I could live without
it was it like a little Annoying or is
it like when Phoebe chews her head
oh now don't listen to him phes all
right I think it's endearing oh you do
do
you you know there's nothing wrong with
speaking correctly indeed there
[Music]
isn't I should really get back to work
yeah otherwise someone might get what
they actually ordered well
oh the hair comes out and the gloves
come
off I don't know why you're so
embarrassed they were very nice
boobies nice they were nice I mean
that's it I mean mittens are
nice okay rock hard place me
[Laughter]
you're you're so
funny he's really
funny I wouldn't want to be there when
when the laughter
stops whoa whoa back up there
Sparky what did you mean by
that well just seems as though that
maybe you have intimacy issues you know
that you use your humor as a way of
keeping people at a
distance huh I mean hey I just met you I
don't know you from
Adam only child
right parents divorced before you hit
puberty uh-huh how did you know that
it's
textbook hey you guys you all know my
Dad hey how long you in the city just
for a couple of days I got a job Midtown
I figure I'm better off staying with the
kid than hauling my ass back and forth
on a ferry
I don't know this one oh this is my
friend Roger hi hey hey good to meet you
Roger you too sir what happened to the
uh puppet guy dad oh oh excuse me so Ros
how's the
[Music]
wife for
two uh Chand the quick say something
funny hello and
again hey Mr Mr cik how's life on the
15th
floor yeah I miss you too yeah it's a
lot less satisfying to steal pens from
your own home you
know well that's very generous uh but
look this isn't about the money you know
it's just I need something that's more
than a job I need something I really
care
about and that's on top of the year in
bonus structure you mentioned
earlier dream look ow ow I'm not playing
hard ball here okay this is not a
negotiation this is this is a
rejection no no no stop saying n stop
saying numbers I'm telling you you've
got the wrong guy you've got the wrong
guy I'll see you
Monday man
[Music]
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