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hi honey I'm
home from the tequila
factory it was awful to get out of going
to dinner with Doug I told him that you
and I split up so then he took me to all
these strip clubs and sleazy bars and
then when I wouldn't give him my wedding
ring he threw a soda can at a
bird come here I can breathe through my
mouth you know what the worst part was I
got to see what my life would be like
without you you know it was like uh It's
a Wonderful Life with lap
dances please promise me that you will
never leave me that we will grow old
together and be with each other for the
rest of our
lives I
promise hey speaking of together how
about we send out a holiday card this
year o i I don't know if we're there yet
okay Chandler mon there's only one
banana nut muffin left oh we order mine
first yeah but I'm I'm so much faster
give it to me no give it to
me okay you can have
it there you go enjoy your
coffee that was there when I got
here hey you guys you will never guess
who's coming to New York quick Phoebe
tell us before you can swallow okay Ryan
that guy I went out with who's in the
Navy you went out with a guy in the Navy
yeah I met him when I was um playing
guitar in Washington Square Park Ryan
threw in saltwater taffy cuz he didn't
have any change hey is that when you
wrote saltwater taffy man
no no he is my submarine guy he
resurfaces like every couple years and
we have the most amazing three days
together only this time he's coming for
two weeks two whole weeks which means
yay
so wait this guy goes down for like two
years at a
time that'll teach you to lick my
muffin all
right oh no what happened I just spoke
to Carol Ben's got the chicken poox are
you kidding yeah so if you haven't
already had it chances are you're going
to get it well I've had it yeah I've had
it had it had it well I haven't ever had
it I Al left out oh
look die an old maid you're not going to
die an old maid maybe an old spinster
cook thanks hey now besides worse comes
to worse I'll be your
[Laughter]
boyfriend yeah
right why is that so funny
you made a joke right so I
laughed a little too
hard what am I not uh boyfriend
material no you're
Chandler you know
Chandler Okay so we've established my
name and hit
me but theoretically you know I mean say
we weren't friends say it's a blind dat
I show up at your door and I'm like uh
hey nice to meet you hey
I'd probably be scared of the guy using
a fake
Voice who sold a story to Archie Comics
oh my God that's so great oh wow you're
a poish riter I wish I had a present for
you a wait a
minute my last get get
bar you want to share it okay okay
hey hey hey Jan look I know you're mad
but I just want to say I'm sorry I I was
a total jerk completely o over the line
I just I hate pulp you know you know how
Monica feels about lowfat mayonnaise
it's not
many no way that you look like Ross's
mother then why would he say it because
he's crazy okay he came up to me earlier
and thanked me for my very moving
performance in Titanic
my mother's right never going to get
married you know what that
is who wouldn't want
you please I'm a single mom with a
30-year-old
son I'm getting married today
W morning Ross I'm getting married today
yeah y
you think you know I was
[Applause]
here well I've I've never done that with
you
before
nope so uh how are you how you how you
okay yeah yeah you oh yes yes
uh-huh
you we did you
well I better get going oh
absolutely could you not
look I don't want to look really think
this is okay well Ross and Emily aren't
going to use
it oh it's so
beautiful
oh you know I I don't know if I feel
right about this oh mama mom on
on this is the honeymoon suite the room
expects SE
the room would be disappointed if it
didn't get sex all the other honeymoon
sweets would think it was a
loser okay
okay Emily nope not under
here you know that night meant a lot to
me too and it wasn't cuz I was in a bad
place or anything it just meant a lot to
me cuz you're really hot
is that okay that's
okay and I'm cute
[Music]
too and you're cute too thank
you all right I got to go unpack
okay bye
I'm still on London time does that
count oh that counts oh
God you look cute in Bubbles N you're
just all liquored
up hey it's me I'm coming
in I've had a very long hard day
uh I'm going to go get some chicken you
want some uh no thanks no chicken
bye-bye then
okay you sure some extra crispie dirty
rice beans for the last time no get out
get out Joey
right are you okay I'm so sorry he
wouldn't leave he kept asking me if I
wanted
chicken
chicken I can eat some
chicken Hey Joe
yeah can I get a threepiece some klaa
and some beans and a coke D
[Laughter]
Coke nice try wait wait wait
wait look
Monica this is not going to work but
does will work
[Laughter]
you are so great I love
you what nothing I said I said you're so
great and then I just I just stopped
talking you said you love me I can't
believe this no I
didn't yes you did no I
didn't you love me no I don't stop it
stop it stop it stop
it see something sure what okay um this
is going to be fun watch me freak out
Chandler honey yeah listen
uh I I've been doing some thinking and I
don't know whether it's because we're
here or
Rachel's given
birth but
um I think we should try to have a
baby
okay what's that
now okay I've been thinking about it too
and I I think we're
ready are you kidding me you you you
think we're ready to have a baby now
this is fun
you're ready to have a baby my boy's all
grown
up you said you were ready too yeah but
I was just sring with you to to try to
get your voice all high and weird like
mine is now guess what haven't you
wanted a kid like forever okay just back
off
Mister hey what are you doing here
shouldn't you be at work uh they sit beh
they said I can't work if I'm
sick I'm so sorry that you're sick I'm
not
sick I don't get sick getting sick is
for weak leagues it's for
pansies honey no one thinks that you're
a Pansy but we do think that you need a
tissue I have not been sick in over
three
years I'm going to grab you some tissue
I I don't need a tissue I'm fine when
you put a d at the end of fine you're
not
fine I
fine I'm
fine you know it's a really hard word to
say okay so what do you what do you want
to do let's do something crazy I know
let's rest and drink lots of
fluids okay I'll rest but you know if
I'm going to bed then you're coming with
me see that would be impossible to
resist if you weren't
all drippy here
are you saying that you don't want to
get with
[Laughter]
this yeah I don't think you should say
that even when you're
healthy come
on don't take this personally okay it's
just that I just can't have sex with a
sick
person I'm with you Chandler I mean I
can't have sex with a sick person either
that's disgusting but I'm not sick let
me prove it to
you we are two healthy people and the
prbe of
Li see that's the thing I would like to
stay in the prime of
live
Adler oh what is it honey you need some
tea some
soup oh
calling Dr beig Dr beig to the
bed oh jeez honey I thought I thought
you were asleep how can I be asleep
knowing that you we the next
room I was
[Laughter]
asleep oh no no no honey you know what's
sexy
layers layers are sexy and blankets are
sexy and oh hot water bottles are sexy
come on get it to bed I want to prove
you that I'm not sick I want to make you
feel as good as I
feel please get some rest I'm
[Laughter]
fine Monica where is she I need to talk
to her it's urgent is she here hi Monica
I need to talk to you it's
urgent okay okay I've been doing a lot
of thinking about us you know a lot of
uh us
thinking and uh well I guess there's
only one one way to do
[Applause]
this what are you doing Monica no no no
don't don't don't don't do it will you
marry
[Applause]
me what a bad IDE oh I can't not look at
it Tayler why are you doing this
I don't
know but I know I'm not afraid to do
this
Chandler I'm doing this because I'm
sorry do you um you really think the
best reason to get married is because
you're sorry well no the best reason to
get married is
pregnancy sorry is pretty much fourth
you know behind being ready and actually
wanting to get
married will you be my wife
jaylor um I want you to take just a
minute and I want you to think about how
ridiculous this
sounds yeah I'm kind of wishing everyone
wasn't here right
now do you know that none of that stuff
came from me I mean I never said that I
wanted to have babies and get married
right now yeah I know but I was really
confused and then I talked to these guys
who two divorces and Joey
hey she's right you
know yeah but still cheap
shot you know what you know when I said
that I want you to deal with this
relationship stuff all on your own well
you're not ready for that I didn't think
I
was I can't wait for everyone at work to
see these
ow you go back to work tomorrow night
right yeah so if you want people to see
them then by definition you're not
having them taken out say at the break
of
dawn well if I had them taken out then I
wouldn't be able to do
this you like that
[Music]
right what are you singing It's Valero
from 10 it's Ride of the Valkyries from
Apocalypse Now
see here's the thing the cornrows are
really a solution to your frizzy hair
problem and now that we're home you
don't have that problem anymore so if
you think about it I hate
them what you said you like them did I
let's refresh I believe what I said was
that I could see your
scalp fine so you don't like them
everybody else does again let's Journey
back as I recall what Rachel said was
she had never never noticed the shape of
your skull before and
Joey well Joey didn't realize it was
anything
different you know what I don't care I
like it like this and and I'm going to
keep it you're just jealous because your
hair can't do
this
ow get yourself in the tooth and the
eye honey you've been in there for a
long time is everything okay
not
really I have a
problem
really what happened well I was dancing
around and singing No Woman No
Cry I got
stuck you can't move at all oh I can
move
if I untangle you will you please get
rid of the cornrow I guess
so some of these look a little Frid yeah
I I tried to gnaw myself
free so sorry please stop freaking
out I'm not freaking
out why would I be freaking out a woman
named Hildy called and said we were
getting married but that happens every
day honey
we were at this beautiful place and I I
I just put our names down for fun I mean
what's the harm in that right
here Chandler please don't think I was
trying to pressure you Phoebe and Rachel
just thought that Phoebe and Rachel so
the people that knew about our wedding
before me were you Phoebe and Rachel
Hildy and apparently some band called
The Starlight magic 7 who are available
by the
way it was a mistake please don't take
this to mean anything because it
doesn't
okay
really yes if it really doesn't mean
anything because you know that I'm just
not ready I know I
know
okay all right I'm going to go tell Joey
that that you're back you're really
worried about you
hey did she buy it totally so did Hildy
show you the place yeah it's beautiful
yeah I can't believe you're going to ask
Monica to marry you I
know 10 blocks down five to go oh wait
stop stop stop oh I'm sorry do you need
a
break my boot's in tan hey can you get a
little closer so I can can see the price
I can see it from right here it'll cost
you one
husband okay I'm sorry I think I I can
walk the rest of the way now just just
give me my
boots I don't have your boots well I
don't have them either where are they
well why don't you check in one of my
saddle bags while I chew on a bail of
hay okay come we got to go back and get
them honey are you seriously ever going
to wear the boots
again okay I'm never going to wear them
again
just didn't get a chance to say
goodbye you know what you can say
goodbye to the tan
ones
okay all
right okay bye boots wait half off what
did you just say you roll another hard a
and we get married here
tonight are you serious yes I love you
I've never loved anybody as much as I
love
you I've never loved anybody as I love
you okay so if an eight comes up we take
it as a sign and we do it what do you
say Okay
[Applause]
Go Okay that's a four and where where
where's the other one it went under the
table nobody moved you look that way I
look this
way here it is here it is
that could be a four or a
five it's your
[Applause]
call it's a
four I think so
too
everybody
loves is the most beautiful engag ring
ever yeah well you should know you
bought like a billion of
them yeah you didn't get
one okay well tonight's the big night
Hey listen how you going to ask her it
is going to be perfect I am taking her
to her favorite restaurant I'm going to
get her a bottle of this champagne that
she really loves therefore knows how
expensive it
is then when the glasses are full
instead of proposing a toast I'm just
going to propose a it sounds perfect
you're going to mess it up let me do
it I'm not going to mess it up if she
says no can I have the
ring she's not going to say no
if hey
hey I'm
M give it it's
gone phoi
[Music]
we practically
kissing I wasn't trying to open your
closet I wasn't trying to open your
closet I
swear wow Monica runs a pretty tight
ship around here doesn't
she what are you doing Monica has a
secret closet and she won't let me see
what's in it why not I don't know what
could she possibly be hiding in here
that I can't see I don't know ooh ooh I
bet it's
Richard why would Monica be keeping
Richard in here well off the top of my
head uh maybe she's having her cake and
eating it too you being the cake Richard
being the
twoo or and here we
go I saw this movie Once where there was
a door and nobody knew what was behind
it and when they finally got it open
millions and millions and millions of
bugs came p pouring out and they feasted
on human
flesh you know it wouldn't kill you to
respect your wife's
privacy stupid closet full of
bugs oh my
God Chandler
and all my
life I never thought I would be so
lucky is to fall in love with my
best my
best there's a reason why girls don't do
this okay okay I'll do it I
thought I I can do this
I thought that it mattered what I said
or where I said
it then I
realized the only thing that matters is
that
you you make me happier than I ever
thought I could
be and if you let me
I will spend the rest of my life trying
to make you feel the same
way will you marry
me yes
[Applause]
I knew you were likely to take a
wife can we come in yet we're dying out
here come in come
in we're
engag this is the least jealous I've
ever been
oh no wait no this is wrong Ross isn't
here
oh oh hell he's done this three times
she knows what it's about been acting
weird all afternoon yeah fine fine not
perfect but good
enough jeese what is with you I'm sorry
did you say
cheese all right what's going on Phoebe
thinks that you and Don are soulmates
and I don't believe in that kind of
stuff but then you two totally get along
so look I won't stand in your way if you
want to run off with Dawn and live in a
house of
cheese Taylor you don't believe in
soulmates no but I'm sure Tomatoes
does I don't believe in soulmates
either you don't no I don't think that
you and I were destined to end up
together I think that we fell in love
and and we work hard at our relationship
some days we work really
hard so you you don't want to live with
Donna and shees
house no I I I've had second thoughts
about that do you realize how hard that
would be to
clean I love you I know you know what
I'm going to take you out to dinner
tonight I found this place that makes
the greatest mozzarella sticks in
jalapeno
poppers no really they taste so good hey
what's going on I found a note on my
door come to Monica's quick bring
champagne and a Three Musketeers Bar
yeah I'll take
what's up Monica and I are
engaged my
God congratulations where is she I'm
engaged I'm
engaged yeah she's been out there for 20
minutes I'm surprised you didn't hear
her on the way over I thought it was
just a kid yelling I'm gay I'm
gay can I bring her in no no let her
stay out there it's sweet I'm getting
married
I'm going to be a
bride no I will not shut up because I'm
engaged oh big talk huh why don't you
come over here and say that to me huh
buddy yeah my fiance will kick your
ass come on apartment 20 apartment
20 okay you get her in here you Bolt the
door I'll be in the
closet hey what's the matter somebody on
the sub boy licked my neck lick my neck
oh Wily is still
alive what are you guys doing oh my mom
called they're going to run our
engagement announcement in the local
paper so they're looking for a good
picture of us oo I'm afraid that does
not
exist that's not true they're great
pictures of us no there are great
pictures of you standing next to a guy
who's going like
this oh my God that's the creep that
you're with at the Statue of
Liberty I don't know what it is I just
can't take a good picture here's a great
one yeah I'm not in that no but look at
me all
tan he why don't you guys go get
portraits done by a professional
photographer it's a great idea I bet
they have one of those wind machines you
know
like yeah that's great next to that
Chandler won't look so
stupid Chandler what do you say all
right but I should warn you I'm not
going I'm going
[Applause]
[Music]
great that's great Monica
great now Chandler you want to give us a
smile
okay I'm sorry is the seat uncomfortable
no I
am Chandler I know you can do this okay
you have a beautiful smile I do
yeah all right maybe you don't have to
smile let's try something else let's try
um try looking sexy
okay or
not I know let's try a look a far off
wonderment okay we'll we'll gaze into
our future and we'll think about our
marriage and the days to come okay
Chandler what is the matter with your
face like this picture supposed to say
Geller and being to be married not Local
woman saves drowning
hey don't laugh at him he's my
drowning
that's it that's it take it take
it I like this one it seems to say I
love you you and that's why I have to
kill
you can't all be bad find the one where
you make your bedroom
eyes oh there it is oh my God those are
my bedroom
eyes why did you ever sleep with
me do you really want to pull at that
thread s that's a great smile easy
natural now pretend I have a camera
are you changing it I can't help it all
right all right all right all right you
want to know what I do when I take
resume shots borrow money from
me yeah okay first first of all you want
to make it look spontaneous right okay
so here's what I do I look down look
down keep looking down then I look
up see all right now you try look down
you're looking down keep looking down
why is the jelly on your
shoe I had a
[Music]
donut hey there you are there I
am you okay yeah Joey said I uh I needed
to relax so he gave me an
antihistamine yeah and then I fell
asleep on the subway and went all the
way to Brooklyn Brooklyn is
far jayler what were you thinking no no
but don't worry don't worry because I
know how to take a picture
now okay see look
down look
down look
[Music]
down Chandler
yeah guys check it out my mom sent me
the paper oh let's see it
okay oh yeah that looks good you guys
make a very very attractive
couple yeah we look great together we
really do
okay wow imagine what our kids would
look like you know we don't have to
imagine I'm marrying her we just see so
we both finished our vows oh can we read
them yeah just as long as I don't hear
trailers and he doesn't hear mine okay
oh
[Laughter]
oh oh that's
beautiful funny one that's
good Monica will you marry
me what I don't get it oh
yeah oh man this is hilarious
Chandler don't worry honey we'll make
here's
funnier just realized I don't care if he
is the most perfect guy in the
world he's not you yeah he's
better no he's
not and if I can't get pregnant with you
then I don't want to get pregnant by him
or anyone
else really are you sure yeah I'm sure
thank God because I don't want to do
this either you no I was just just doing
it because I thought that was what you
wanted to do you know I'm the husband
I'm supposed to bring the
sperm that is so
sweet I love
you so you know this leaves us
with
adoption how do you feel about
that I think I feel okay about
it actually I I I think I feel really
good about it
me too I want to find a baby that needs
a home and I want to raise it with
you and I want to mess it up in our own
specific
way so this is it we we're really going
to
adopt
yeah oh my God we're going to be parents
we are going to be great parents and it
could be soon I mean I mean think about
it right now Somewhere Out There Our
baby could be being conceived
wait if we're lucky and we're really
really really quiet we may be able to
hear the sound of a condom breaking
we're already late for phoe's birthday
dinner so you're going to put out that
cigarette we're going to put this fight
on hold and go have sex fine
what sex this is the last day that I'm
ovulating and if we if we don't do it
now then we're going to have to wait
till next month you're
serious oh yeah all right fine I'll do
it but no talking a and no cuddling and
no kissing your neck oh good I hate it
when you do
that and lots of kissing your
neck
hello oh
hi oh my god really I can't wait to tell
Chandler okay
goodbye wrong
number that was
Laura she gave us a great report and we
are officially on the waiting list
that's great now we just have to wait
for a call and and someone tells us
there's a baby waiting for us
oh
hello have you seen Joey's bat okay the
turkeyy in the oven the stuffing is
ready you know you always cook this meal
all by yourself
let me help this here A Chandler that's
sweet but you don't have to do
everything Dr Phil tells you to
do I'm serious let me do something just
not the turkey or the stuffing nothing
high-profile let's see oh the cranberry
sauce it's easy to make and no one
really cares about
it tell me more okay I'm going to go
check on something across the hall you
start by washing these
okay not with salt
you obviously haven't Taste of my pal
Olive potatoes can take it from here
thanks dearly
beloved I'm sorry I'm a little
late may be confused by this now but you
won't be Memorial Day Weekend
2002 well let's get started before the
groom off again
huh we are gathered here
today to join this
man and this woman in the bonds of holy
matrimony I've known Monica and Chandler
for a long time and I cannot imagine two
people more perfect for each other
and
now as I've left my notes in my dressing
room we shall proceed to the vows
Monica he took off come on come
on
Chandler for so long I I wondered if I
would ever find my
prince my soulmate
then three years ago at another wedding
I turned to a friend for
comfort and instead I found everything
that I'd ever been looking for my whole
life and
now here we
are with our future before
us and I only want to spend it with
you my
prince my soul
mate my
friend unless you don't want
to you
go
Chandler that's
okay I thought this was going to be the
most difficult thing I ever had to
do but when I saw you walking down that
aisle I realized how simple it
was I love
you any surprises that come our way it's
okay because I will always love
you you are the person I was meant to
spend the rest of my life
with you want to know if I'm
sure you uh may now kiss the bride
so I guess by the powers vested in Me by
the state of New York and the internet
guys I Now pronounce you husband and
wife oh
wait do you take each other I do I do
yeah you
do brings oh crap okay
um uh let's do the
Rings we good yeah
good once again I pronounce you husband
and wife now kiss her again
[Applause]
hey oh my God
hey look at that it's a Christmas
miracle what are you doing here I wanted
to be with you I missed you so much hey
hey uh who' you miss the most Monica
gotcha I never want to leave you again
but I thought if you left you'd get
fired turns out they can't fire me
because I quit what what you you really
quit your job yeah it was a stupid job
and I could not stand leaving you and
why should I be the only one who doesn't
get to do what he really wants to do
what do you really want to do I have not
thought this through
oh my God I know I I should have talked
to you first about it no I think that
this is what you want to do I think it's
great
thanks Chandler your being here is the
best Christmas present I could have ever
imagined Now give me my real
gift what do we do what do you mean what
do we do
twins
twins tayor you're panicking uh-huh join
me won't you
okay what do you say we keep one and
then just like have an option on the
other one we can't split them up why not
we could give each of them half a
medallion and then years later they'll
find each
other and be
reunited I mean that's a great day for
everybody okay what if the person who
adopts the other one is horrible what if
they're not what if it's adopted by a
king yeah because I hear the king is
looking to adopt
Monica we are not ready to have two
babies that doesn't matter we have
waited so long for this I don't care if
it's two babies I don't care if it's
three babies I don't care if the entire
cast of Eight is Enough comes out of
there do you think they recognize each
other from in
there maybe unless they're like two
people who've lived in apartments next
to each other for years and then one day
they're pushed through a vagina and they
meet oh look at these little bunnies I
know you ready to
trade okay
okay all right let's see
we could trade later yeah I'm
good oh my God oh my
God my go
hey hey so what is the big
[Laughter]
surprise my
God okay okay okay awkward question the
hospital knows you took took two right
yes twins oh my God they're so cute now
what what what kinds are they are they
okay this is a boy and that's a girl her
name is
Erica hey that pregnant girl's name was
Erica yeah it's a shame you two didn't
get to spend more time
together and we named the boy Jack after
Dad it's going to be so happy ah Jack
Bing I love that well it sounds like
like a 40 newspaper guy you know Jack
Bing morning Gazette I'm going to I'm
going to blow this story wide open cute
cute no fair I don't even have one how
come they get two you'll get one oh yeah
when all right I'll tell you what when
we're 40 if neither of us are married
what do you say you and I get together
and have one why won I be married when
I'm
40 oh no no no I I just meant
hypothetically okay hypothetically why
won't I be married when I'm 40 no no no
no no what is it seriously is there
something fundamentally unmarriable
about
me uh uh
well dear God this this parachute is a
napsack mom everything's going fine
really yeah Ross is great he's a he's in
a whole other place now he's
gone no no you you don't have to fly
back
really what do you mean this might be
your only chance would you stop I'm only
26 I'm I'm not even thinking about
babies yet
[Music]
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