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Now look, there's only one problem,
though. There's only room for one. So, I
guess one of you will have to stay at
Joey's.
>> Well, since the fire was kind of my
fault, I guess you should get to stay
here.
>> Hey, hey, hey. Now, this was no one's
fault, Feebs. Okay. It was an accident.
>> Well, no, it was my fault. So, you
should get the nice room.
>> Okay.
>> So, Ra, you're the first guest at Hotel
Monica.
>> Yeah. Um, you just have to tell me how
you like your eggs in the morning. And I
thought I would bring them to you, you
know, in bed. What? You've been through
so much.
>> I have.
>> This right here is where I keep the
pizza.
>> And uh that's where the napkin is.
>> What's that smell?
>> I know. I
[Applause]
>> So, did you sleep well last night?
>> I did. Yeah,
>> I did. Monica was so sweet. She left a
little mint on my pillow.
>> You know what Joey left on my pillow?
What?
>> Gum.
>> Well, we determined the cause of the
fire.
>> Yeah, I know. I know. It was my candle.
My candle.
>> No, there was an appliance left on in
the bathroom. It looks like a curling
iron.
>> I don't use a curling iron.
>> Well, someone does.
>> Don't look at me. My hair's straight.
Straight. Straight. Straight.
>> Could have been a hair straightener.
>> Oh,
this is where I keep the pizza.
Hey. Hey, where'd the napkin go?
[Music]
[Applause]
>> Oh my god. Rachel Green.
>> Rob Tilman.
>> No, no, it's it's me, Ross.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Ross Tilman.
>> No, no, no. Ross Geller.
>> Oh, of course. Monica's brother.
>> Yeah, right.
>> Wow. How are you?
>> Good. Good. I'm I'm married.
>> Oh, me too.
>> Oh, isn't it the best?
>> Oh, it's the best.
>> So, um, how's Monica?
>> Oh, really? Really great. Yeah,
actually, she's right down the street.
Um, do you you know what? You should
stop by and say hi.
>> Oh, I would love to.
>> Yeah. Oh. Oh, she'd be so excited.
>> Oh. Oh, come on. Oh, wait. Don't you
have to pay for your busty ladies?
No, no, no. That's a It's okay. Some
Some kid asked me to pick it up for him,
but I
>> Oh,
>> guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting
a divorce.
>> Oh my god.
>> Wow.
>> What is the matter with you?
>> No. Barry and Mindy.
>> Oh, sorry. I hear divorce. I immediately
go to Ross.
>> Who? Who's Barry and Mindy?
>> Barry was the guy that I almost married.
And Mindy was my best friend.
>> Oh. Oh, wasn't he cheating on you with
her?
>> Yeah, but that just means that he was
falling asleep on top of her instead of
me.
>> God, can you imagine if I'd actually
married him? I mean, how different would
my life be?
>> I know what you mean. I've always
wondered how different my life would be
if if I'd never gotten divorced.
>> Which time?
>> The first time.
>> Well, seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't
realized she was a lesbian.
>> I can't. I keep seeing it the good way.
I bet I'd still be doing my karate.
Towards the end of our marriage, I was
doing a lot of karate as a way of
releasing the tension from, you know,
not doing anything else physical.
>> Maybe the problem was you were
pronouncing it karate.
>> She's my best friend.
>> Well, Joey's my best friend.
>> I'm not your best friend.
>> You just said,
>> "Of course you're my best friend. Would
you please tell Rachel, though?
>> All right. All right. At least I'm
prepared.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, yes.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. Hey.
>> These aren't for you. Are you upset?
>> I am now.
>> Hey, room me.
>> Okay. Bye.
>> Ra,
there's something um important I have to
tell you. Are you pregnant?
>> No, but I'm throwing the shirt away.
>> I think there was a little
misunderstanding before
>> um when I said that uh that Chandler and
I wanted to um live together,
we meant alone together.
Oh my god. Oh, that's funny. I can't
believe I did that.
>> Oh no, sweetie. No. You know what? This
is my fault. I I wasn't clear. I I'm
really sorry.
>> And and listen, you take as much time as
you need to move out, okay? There's
absolutely no rush.
>> Okay.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. What have you guys been up to?
>> Oh, we went to a self-defense class
today.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah. Kicking a guy in the crotch all
morning really takes it out of you.
>> Takes it out of you.
>> No. Now we can kick anybody's ass
>> after one class. I don't think so.
>> What? You want to see me self-defend
myself? Go over there and pretend you're
a sexual predator. Go on. I dare you.
>> Of course you could defend yourself from
an attack you know is coming. That's not
enough. Look, I studied karate for a
long time.
And there's a concept you should really
be familiar with. It's what the Japanese
call unagi.
>> Isn't that a kind of sushi?
>> No, it's a concept.
>> Yeah, it is. It is. It's freshwater
heel.
>> All right, maybe it means that, too.
>> Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll
right now.
>> You know, fine. Get attacked. I don't
even care.
>> Come on, Ross. We're sorry. Please tell
us what it is.
Unagi is a state of total awareness.
Okay. Only by achieving true unagi can
you be prepared for any danger that may
befall you.
>> You mean in case someone's trying to
steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your
kettle of fish?
>> All I'm saying is it's one thing being
prepared for an attack against like each
other. Whole another story being
prepared for an attack. I don't like
surprise.
[Laughter]
>> All right. You knew that was coming. But
that doesn't mean you have unagi.
[Applause]
>> Oh, you know what? If we made
reservations, we could have unagi in
about a half hour.
[Music]
>> It was good.
>> Oh, yeah. It's the last time.
Danger.
>> What the hell was that?
>> A lesson in the importance of unagi.
>> Oh, you're a freak.
>> Perhaps.
Now, I'm curious. At what point during
those girish screams would you have
begun to kick my ass?
All right. So, we weren't prepared.
>> I'm sorry I had to take such drastic
measures to make my point, but I look, I
just want you guys to be safe.
>> Danger.
Uhhuh.
Unagi.
[Music]
[Applause]
danger.
[Laughter]
[Applause]
Ah,
salmon skin roll
[Music]
sayac. Yeah, Alex Tbec. Oh, of course.
Chuck Woolery. Definitely, Phoebe. You
will not find a single game show host
whose ass I cannot kick.
[Laughter]
>> No.
>> Say it. Say we are unagi.
>> It's not something you are. It's
something you have.
>> Say it.
>> You know what? I could easily get out of
this, but there's a chance you could get
very, very hurt.
[Music]
Uh-huh.
Nowhere to run.
>> I don't like sitting up here. I'm I'm
going to go over. Wait till they got
here first.
[Laughter]
Why is Ross doing that?
>> Danger.
>> Oh my god. Why is he jumping on those
women?
>> We should help them.
I I don't think they need any help.
Um.
Um.
Why have we been together?
>> I don't know.
>> Do Do you have Do you have any clothes
on?
>> Yes.
>> Really?
>> No.
>> But we we didn't have
sex. Uh, did we?
I mean, I don't remember much about last
night. It was such a blur.
>> Oh, I remember laughing.
>> I laughed a lot.
>> Then we didn't have sex.
>> Oh.
Oh, I mean, we were really drunk. I was
glad we didn't do anything stupid.
>> Tell me about it.
>> Oh, hi.
>> Hi.
>> Yeah. This is the guy I was telling you
about.
>> Yeah. Yeah. And believe me, this suit
does not do justice to what's underneath
it.
>> Okay. But thieves, I can't I'm just sort
of in the middle of something.
>> Oh, okay. Yeah, that's okay. Have a
seat.
>> You can't do that.
>> Maybe I should go.
>> Sit down. We're winning.
>> Okay. You know what? Maybe I should go.
>> No, no, no. Have a seat. You have a
seat.
>> Rachel. Rachel, you haven't touched
Elon's hair.
>> It's the softest hair. Touch it. I'm
good, Rachel. Patrick is really rich.
Give her some money.
>> Oh,
>> you know what, Phoebe? This isn't really
worth the free massage.
>> That's right, Patrick. Bye-bye. No,
>> Elena is much more cooperative and he
can dance. You dance for Rachel.
>> No, no, no. Don't dance for me, please.
Don't
>> What's the matter with you guys? Yeah.
>> Okay, let's talk it out. I
>> Am I the only one that this is
embarrassing for?
>> I'm a little embarrassed. Sh.
>> I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.
It's you guys. Come on. This is
ridiculous. Thank you very much, but I
do not need you to get me a date. Then
why did she ask us to
>> I am still talking. And then you chase
away the one guy that I actually liked.
I mean, no offense to you guys. Really?
I mean, congratulations, son. All the
cash
and and you know, you really Well, you
do have very soft hair, but I would much
rather go to the ball all by myself than
go through any more of this. Goodbye.
Now, do you use some sort of special
conditioner on that hair?
>> Yes. Papaya extract.
>> Thank you. You go ahead. I'll catch up.
Okay. Okay.
Come on, let's start running. Let's go.
[Music]
>> You guys, I'm telling you, when she
runs, she looks like a cross between
Kermit the Frog and the $6 million man.
>> Monica had such a crush on him
that she used to kiss his poster every
night before she went to bed.
I used to do that, too.
>> Did you also have his album? It's not
easy being green.
>> Oh,
so Phoebe runs weird, huh? Yeah. Yeah.
You know what? And and I know she's
going to want to run again. I just don't
I don't know how to get out of it. I
mean, I live with her. Why don't you
just be straight with her? Tell her the
truth.
>> You're right. You're right. I should
just tell her the truth.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Hey, Bab. Monica tripped me. I don't
think I can ever run again. Ever.
>> Why? Why would you do that? I don't
know.
>> Rachel, I'm sorry that I hurt your
ankles.
>> Ankle. We'll see.
[Music]
Hi.
>> Oh, yeah. Oh, it's me. I saw you grab
your running shoes this morning and
sneak out. You lied. So you could run by
yourself?
>> No. No, Phoebe. No. I was No. You know
what? I was I was actually just checking
to see if I could run and I can.
>> Please, Rachel. I am not an idiot.
>> No. Wait, Phoei.
>> Hey, Phoebe. Can I talk to you for a
second?
>> Sure. Okay. Um, I
Phoebe, look, I just wanted to say that
I'm sorry, okay? I handled the situation
horribly and and I should not have lied
to you.
>> So, what should you have done?
>> Well, I I should have told you the
truth.
>> Uhhuh. which is
well, you know, the reason that I didn't
want to go running with you is because
um well, you know, the way that you run
is just a little
>> So, well, it's embarrassing. People were
looking at us like we were crazy.
>> Why do you care?
>> Because they're people.
But people that you don't know and will
never see again.
>> Yes, but still they are people with
eyes.
Well, I didn't get embarrassed running
next to Miss
>> But Oh, okay. No, no, I can see why
running with me would be embarrassing to
you. Yeah. Okay. You're uptight.
>> What? I But I am not up.
Listen, I am not uptight, man.
That's okay, Rachel. I'm not judging
you. That's just who you are. me, I'm
more freak, you know? I run like I did
when I was a kid because it's the only
way it's fun, you know? I mean, didn't
you ever run so fast you thought your
legs were going to fall off? You know,
like when you were like running toward
the swings or or running away from
Satan,
>> the neighbor's dog
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
I'm so sorry. You're right. This feels
great.
>> See, and you don't care if people are
staring. It's just for a second cuz then
you're gone.
>> God. Hey, it's amazing. I feel so free
and so graceful.
>> Hey, watch out for the horse.
>> We the trivi from Days of Our Lives just
walked in here.
>> Ra, he's a friend of ours. You are
friends with Dr. Drake Raor.
>> It's kind of hard to be friends with
Drake because of his busy schedule and
the fact that he's not real.
>> Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard
here sometime.
>> He's coming. He's come over. Joey.
>> I know. Here. Here.
>> Oh,
no. This is my friend Rachel. We went to
high school together.
Hey,
>> I
I love you on that show.
>> I watch you every day. I mean, when you
took out your own kidney to save your
ex-wife, even though she tried to kill
you.
>> Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.
>> She's not crazy, is she?
>> So, uh, how are you doing?
[Music]
>> We're going to find love. Definitely.
Yeah, I'm pretty confident about that.
That's what makes it so easy for me to
be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler.
It'd be nice to have a little guarantee,
though.
>> What do you mean? Well, you know, some
people make deals with a friend. Like,
if neither of them are married by the
time they're 40, they marry each other.
>> You mean a backup?
>> Yeah, exactly.
>> Yeah. Yeah, I've got that.
>> You do?
>> Mhm.
>> Who? Joey? Joey?
>> Yeah. Are you serious?
>> Yeah. I locked him in years ago.
>> Wait, so if neither of you are married
by the time you're 40, you're going to
marry Joey?
>> Yeah, we shook on it.
>> Yeah, but believe me, that is not how he
wanted to seal the deal.
>> Oh, seriously?
>> Oh, yeah. I think his exact words were
>> charming.
That is just a backup.
>> It's like I guess I'm just really sad
that I'm leaving. I'm going to miss you
so much.
>> Well, this doesn't have to be so sad,
though. You know, maybe instead of just
thinking about how much you're going to
miss each other, you should like think
about some of the things that you're not
going to miss.
>> I don't think there's anything.
>> Come on. There's got to be something.
>> Oh, she's perfect.
I have one.
>> Great. Okay, you can go first. Uh, well,
I guess I'm not going to miss the fact
that you're never allowed to move the
phone pin.
>> Good. That's a good one. Okay, Monica,
anything you know, does Rachel move the
phone pin?
>> Odd sometimes.
>> Always, actually.
Okay, good. There you go. Doesn't
everyone feel better?
>> It's not just the phone pin.
I never get my messages.
>> You get your messages?
>> Yeah. Well, I don't think it really
counts if you have to read them off the
back of your hand after you fall asleep
on the couch. So So you missed a message
from who? Chandler or your mom?
Or Chandler or your mom?
Great. It worked. No one's sad.
>> What? What? What the? How did How did
What the How did What?
>> Well, you know, he lost his keys, so he
was looking for them
>> in your mouth.
>> No,
downstairs. And we got to talking, you
know, for like two hours and I really
liked him, so I invited him up here for
a cup of coffee.
>> You were at the coffee house.
Ross, what's the big deal? So, I kissed
the guy.
>> He is my girlfriend's father. Okay. It's
It's It's weird.
>> What? You dated my sister.
>> But that was different.
>> What? Why?
>> This is weird for me.
>> Ross, look. Look. This is good for you,
okay? Let's face it. So far, the guy is
not loving you. But I can turn that
around. I got the inside track. We can
all go out to dinner, you know, and I
can talk you up. Plus, the guy is a
very, very successful lawyer.
>> How is that important?
>> Oh, it's important.
>> Hello.
>> Hello. Is Ross there?
>> Uh, no, he's not. Can I take a message?
>> Yes. This is Russell, Ross's divorce
lawyer. Just tell him that since I
haven't heard from him, I assume he's
decided to give the marriage a try.
>> Ross got married again? No.
All right. I'm I'm not English.
I'm from Long Island.
I was really nervous and the accent just
um just came out.
I'm sorry.
So, if we could just get back to the
lecture.
Um,
were there any questions
about paleontology?
All right, look, I was just trying to
make a good first impression. Obviously,
I screwed up, but what you guys think of
me is really important because I'm I'm
hoping to get a permanent job here. So,
if you just give me another chance to
make a good impression.
>> Russ, are you crazy? I am still your
wife? What were you just never going to
tell me? What the hell is wrong with
you?
Oh, I could just kill you.
>> Why? Rachel,
>> had enough to drink? I'm just helping
the kids.
>> How is you drinking helping the kids?
>> Because the more I drink, the less there
is for the kids to drink.
Mr. Tribiani,
>> your generous contribution brings us a
big step closer to building the youth
center.
>> Just out of curiosity, how how much is
that boat worth?
>> I think it was valued at 19,000.
>> That was pretty close.
>> Uh, so bad news. Um, I can't buy the
boat. I don't have any money.
>> Tell me something, Joey.
I just fell right off the couch there.
>> Yeah, you did.
>> Oh, okay.
>> Let me here you go.
>> Whoops.
>> Let me ask you a question.
>> Yeah.
>> When was the last time
>> someone told you just how beautiful you
are?
>> Wow.
I can't I can't feel my hands.
>> Come on. Come here.
>> Huh?
>> Huh?
[Laughter]
I will look in the back closet.
>> I can save you time, ladies. I'm right
here.
>> Yeah. Chandler, why don't you take a
walk? This doesn't concern you.
>> We are looking for our Christmas
presents for Monica.
>> What? That's terrible.
>> No, no, we do it every year.
>> Oh, well that that makes it not
terrible.
>> No. Yeah, we never find them. She's
always best at us. That wy minkx.
Yeah, don't worry. We're just going to
search here for an hour and then we're
going to go over to Joey's and search.
Okay.
>> No, not okay. You can't look for
Monica's presents.
>> Oh, no. We have to.
>> No, you don't have to. And you can't
because I I live here, too.
>> Well, then you should look with us.
>> Why,
>> Chandler? Aren't you worried about what
to get Monica for Christmas?
>> No. I have a great idea for a present
for her.
>> Oh, that's it? A great idea? I guess.
>> Chandler, that's not enough. I mean,
what if she gets you a great present,
two medium presents, and then a bunch of
little presents, and you've just gotten
her one great present? I mean, that's
just going to make her feel bad. Why
would you do that to her? Chandler. Why?
Why?
>> If I helped, we could find him faster.
>> That's right.
[Music]
>> Okay.
Call me when you get there. Okay.
>> Okay. Really going to miss you.
>> Oh, yeah. I have your key.
There you go. Thanks. Yeah.
Oh god, this is silly. I'm going to see
you in a couple of hours.
>> Bye. House.
>> Bye.
[Music]
[Music]
She really left.
>> I know.
>> Thank you.
>> No problem, Romy.
Can I ask you a question?
>> Sure.
>> What the hell is that dog doing here?
>> If she if she wasn't into me, why why
would she ask me out again?
>> She asked asked you out again?
>> Yeah. Mhm.
>> Tomorrow night,
>> Valentine's Day, the most romantic day
of the year. Who knows what could
happen? I might not be shutting my
drapes to show her my slides, if you
know what I mean.
>> Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I got it.
I got it. I got it. I can't. I can't. I
can't. I can't. I'm not good with the
you and my sister thing. Okay. I just
can't. It's just too weird. All right. I
imagine the two of you together. I just
freak out. It freaks me out and I can't
do it. I can't do it.
>> It's okay.
Hey, it's too weird for you. I won't see
her again.
>> Thank you. I Yeah.
>> I mean, after tomorrow night.
>> No. No. No. No. No. Please. I can't. I
can't do it again.
>> Okay. Oh, hey. Okay. Okay.
>> Okay. I'll I'll tell her tonight. I
can't see her anymore.
>> You want me to call her right now?
>> Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, I mean,
come on. That's That's crazy, man.
That's crazy.
>> So, what's what's going on with you?
What is going on with you?
Well, um Oh, I may be teaching another
class this semester.
>> Yeah, do it now. Call her right now.
>> Now, you two were involved in a serious
relationship that really creates a
problem.
>> Ros, your honor, rest assured that
relationship ended 2 years ago. And can
you please strike consummated like
bunnies from the record?
>> Is there anything in this record that is
actually true?
>> Uh well, yes. We uh we got married in
Vegas and uh and the names, I think.
Well, based on what I've heard, you two
certainly don't qualify for an anulment.
>> If you don't want to be together, you'll
have to file for divorce.
>> That's great. You happy now? Look what
you did with your funny funny form.
>> What? Me? What about you and your
consummated like bunnies nonsense?
Now,
>> what are you typing that for? She
already said we don't get the anulment.
Don't type that. What? Stop typing. Hey,
stop typing.
Stop typing. Stop typing.
>> Okay. Do you see? Do you see what you
are keeping me married to?
>> You need to get out of my chambers.
>> All right. Look, lady, here is the deal.
I came here for an anolment, and I am
not leaving here until I get one.
>> Would you like to spend the night in
jail?
>> Okay. Thank you for your time.
>> Oh my god. They let you keep that stuff?
>> Sure. As long as they don't find out,
you can keep whatever you want.
And I want you to have it.
>> No. No.
>> Yes. And every time you look at it,
>> I want you to remember that you are a
good person. Okay. Now, you had the
chance to cheat and with me,
but you didn't. And that's what this
ring stands for.
>> But I thought that ring stood for
Capri's undying love for her brother.
>> Look, you want the ring or not?
>> Yeah.
Oh
my god, Barry.
>> You said you were going to be away all
weekend.
>> That's right. I'm sorry. I I am early.
Finish, please.
[Music]
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