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Nice car.
>> Yeah, it's uh it's not mine.
>> I love your car.
>> Yeah, it's mine.
>> I bet it's fast.
>> Me, too. Yeah.
>> And comfortable. Do you uh you like
leather seats?
>> Yeah,
>> it's got them.
[Music]
Yeah, she tops out at 130.
>> Wow. And that's just in the city. I get
her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
>> Really? You got a place up state?
>> Sure.
>> Well, uh, I'll see you later.
>> Okay, take it easy.
>> Hey,
that's my car.
>> Really? Oh. Uh, but just give me five
more minutes with it.
>> What? What are you doing?
>> Oh, well, I uh I found the keys and now
I'm just polishing her up.
>> But it's my car.
>> Yeah, but it's my wax.
>> Listen, I don't come to this city much
and I don't know if you're crazy or if
this is some kind of street theater, but
could I have my keys?
>> Sure. Here.
>> I'll uh I'll save your parking spot.
>> Not coming back.
>> Why not?
>> I live upstate.
>> Yeah, so did I.
So, the Porsche guy took his car back.
>> But you found the keys to his clothes.
>> No, I just uh I just love the way it
feels when everybody thinks I own a
Porsche.
>> And people would think you own a Porsche
because you're wearing the clothes.
>> Of course,
only an idiot would wear this stuff if
you didn't have the car, right?
That is true.
>> Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a
sonic blaster gun.
>> Oh, I've been there.
>> I am going to go drive my Porsche.
>> Joey, you know you don't actually have
one.
>> Come on. What are you doing? I'm in
character. Will you talk to her?
>> Hey, hey, hey, careful around my porch.
Hi, Joey.
>> Hey, how you doing?
>> He has the most amazing Porsche under
there.
>> I'd love to show you, but I just tucked
her in. She's sleeping.
>> Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go
for a drink?
>> Listen, you want anything to drink? Cuz
I'm heading up there.
>> Uh, yeah. I'll take a coffee. Thanks,
man. Sure.
>> Coffee? No.
>> Coffee? Cuz I'm going up there.
>> Oh, no. Thank you.
>> Do you guys need anything? Cuz I'm
heading up there.
>> I'd love uh ice water.
>> You got it.
>> Joey, what are you doing?
>> Just being friendly.
>> Joey, I don't think you're supposed to
go back there.
>> No, no, it's okay. Right, Gunther?
>> Don't wink at me.
Put on your apron.
Okay.
Don't see you asking any other paying
customers to put on aprons.
>> Joey, do you work here?
>> No.
>> Waiter.
>> Yeah.
[Music]
>> Joey, what's going on? Why didn't you
tell us you work here?
>> Well, that
that's kind of embarrassing, you know? I
mean, I was an actor. And now I'm a
waiter. Supposed to go in the other
direction.
>> So's your apron. You're wearing it like
a cape.
>> I mean, the job's easy and the money's
good, you know. And I guess if I'm going
to be hanging out here anyway, I might
as well get paid for it, right? Just
feel kind of weird serving you guys, you
know.
>> Joey, come on. I did it and it was fine.
>> Yeah, why would it be weird? Hey, Joey.
Uh, can I get some coffee?
Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that
weird.
>> Seriously, I I asked you before. You
still haven't gotten it.
>> Now it's weird again.
>> I think it's great that you work here.
You're going to make a lot of money. And
here is your first tip.
Don't eat yellow snow.
215 coffee house.
You could just, you know,
[Laughter]
What the hell are you doing?
What the hell am I doing? You just broke
my fridge.
What? What? How do you know if How do
you know it's even broken? Oh, you think
I don't know what breaks my fridge?
Excuse me.
What do you know? Broken?
That'll be $400.
Joey, I saw you push him.
>> You pushed him.
>> Joey, I did not break this. Okay, that
has been broken for a while.
>> Chan, remember I told you about our
fridge?
>> Uh-huh.
>> I still haven't gotten the check for
your half yet.
>> Do not give him any money.
>> I'm not talking to you. You broke my
fridge.
Tell me something, Joey.
>> I just fell right off the couch there.
>> Yeah, you did.
>> I'm okay.
>> Let me here you go.
>> Whoops.
>> Let me ask you a question.
>> Yeah.
>> When was the last time
>> someone told you just how beautiful you
are?
>> Wow.
I can't I can't feel my hands.
>> Come on. Come here.
Huh?
>> Huh?
>> Who?
[Laughter]
>> What do you mean? Yesterday you said I
was too pretty to pay for stuff. It's
just I can't because my manager said
that I
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday, dear Annie.
>> Amy.
>> Amy.
Happy birthday to you. Hey. Hey, that's
weird. Today's my birthday, too.
>> Yeah. Not in here. It is.
>> Happy birthday to you.
You're paying for that.
>> No, no, no. It's her birthday.
>> You've sung happy birthday to 20
different women today.
>> But really,
>> we're no longer authorized to distribute
birthday muffins.
>> Damn it,
>> Joe. I'm glad I found you. I got an
audition for you.
>> Wow.
>> The thing is, it's kind of on the QT.
The actor who has the part doesn't know
he might be fired. It's a lead in a
series. Mac and cheese.
>> I'm the lead in mac and cheese.
>> Uhoh.
>> Morning. Hey, how's my favorite genius
and his little robot buddy?
>> Don't touch it.
>> Okay. All right. Uh, all right, Wayne.
Look, level with me, okay? I I keep
hearing all these rumors that I might
get fired, okay? They even have actors
coming in to read for my part. Come on,
man. You You got to give me a second
chance. I mean, I love I love this
little gut.
Okay, that's why you didn't want me to
touch him. Right. There you go. Okay.
I can't believe it. God.
>> Hey, how you doing?
>> Hey. Hey.
So, uh, Estelle, line up a bunch of
auditions for me tomorrow, and I'll have
my health insurance back in no time.
>> That's great. But shouldn't you be on
the toilet right now?
>> What? What's wrong with you?
>> Nothing. Well, I I I got this blinding
pain in my stomach when I was lifting
weights before, and then I uh passed
out, and uh haven't been able to stand
up since. But uh I don't think it's
anything serious.
>> This sounds like a hernia. You have to
you go to the doctor.
>> No way. Hey, look. If I'm going to go to
the doctor for anything, it's going to
be for this thing sticking out of my
stomach.
>> That's a hernia. Might have to start
working out again.
>> Damn you 15s.
>> Thanks for coming back. Um, okay. There
have been a lot of people interested in
the room, but I have narrowed it down
and you are one of the finalists.
>> Great.
>> Okay. Now, before I make my decision, I
uh I just want to make sure that our
personalities match. Okay. So, I made up
a little test. Now, I'm going to say a
word and then you say the first thing
that comes to mind.
>> I can do that.
>> Okay. Here we go. Pillow.
>> Fight.
>> Very good.
Okay. G
>> string. Excellent.
Okay. Um,
doggy
>> kitten.
>> Oh, sorry.
No, no, no. So close though. But okay.
Bye-bye.
>> Muffin and espresso450. Ross double
latte 275. Chandler coffee and scone
425. And Feebs herbal tea$125. So
altogether that's $1275.
>> This coming from the man who couldn't
split our $80 phone bill in half.
>> Hi.
>> Hi.
>> How much do I owe for the muffin and
latte?
>> Oh, that's on the house courtesy of Joey
Tribani.
>> Oh, great. We'll tell him thanks. And
since uh Joey seems like such a nice
guy, maybe we could go on a date
sometime.
>> Well, he's not used to women being so
forward, but uh I could check with him.
He says it's okay.
Great. Thanks. Bye-bye.
>> Hey, Joey. How come our stuff isn't
free?
>> It will be when you look like that in a
tight skirt.
>> This is great. I'm getting more dates
than ever.
>> Wait a minute, Joey. You're only giving
away free stuff to the pretty girls.
>> Joey, that is so gross.
>> How about a scone on the house, baby?
>> I'm pretty.
>> I want to talk to you about that that
girl that you're dancing with. Oh, she's
nice, huh? I think I almost brought my
wife to this.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Look, buddy. I came with that girl,
okay? And I I had this plan to kiss her
at the New Year's countdown. I'm trying
to win her over, you know? So, I was
wondering.
>> I don't think so.
>> Come on, man. You You could dance with
my partner. She's uh she's real mellow.
>> Look, you uh you dating this girl you
came with? Well, I was hoping after
tonight that maybe I could, you know.
>> Nah, nah, she's fair game if you ask me.
Sorry, buddy.
>> All right. Hey, you know, fair is fair.
I mean, you know, when you're right,
you're right. What can I say? But hey,
all
>> are you in the second grade?
>> Hey, man. You're the one who wet his
pants. Hey,
>> you guys. My own TV show. I just I don't
know if I'm good enough.
>> I am.
Joey, what are you talking about? You're
a terrific actor.
>> You really think so?
>> How can you even ask that question?
>> Whoa, she's pretty. Yeah. Oh, and she's
really nice, too. She taught me all
about, you know, how to work with the
cameras and smell the fart acting.
>> I'm sorry.
It's like you got so many lines to learn
so fast that sometimes you need a minute
to remember your next one. So, while
you're thinking of it, you take this big
pause where you look all intense, you
know, like this.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, here's my scene. Here's my scene.
>> Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Remora, your
sister's neurosurgeon. Your sister is
suffering from a
I play Al Pacuccino's butt.
All right. He goes into the shower and
then I'm his butt.
>> Oh my god.
>> Come on, you guys. This is a real movie
and Aluccino's in it. That's big.
>> Oh, no. It's terrific. It's It's You
know, you deserve this. After all your
years of struggling, you've finally been
able to crack your way into
Okay. Okay, fine. Make jokes. I don't
care. This is a big break for me.
>> No, you're right. You're right. It is.
>> Yeah.
>> So, you're going to invite us all to the
big opening?
>> All right. Well, I'm out of here. Wish
me luck.
>> Good luck. Good luck. We all wish you
good luck.
>> Yeah, whatever.
>> Oh my god, it's Joey Triion of Mac and
Cheese.
Oh, that's right. It's your first day.
So, are you psyched to fight fake crime
with your robot sidekick?
>> Am I psyched?
>> The lead in my own TV series. I've
dreamed about this for years.
Why have I not been preparing?
>> No, Joey. You're going to be great.
>> But I got to act with a robot, thieves.
And And I don't know anything about
technology. I can't even use Chandler's
computer except to find porn.
And and that's only because it's right
there when you turn it on.
>> I think our lover's spat will start a
little early this month. I'll be
waiting.
>> Oh, here it is. Oh, Joey, why did you
sign it? Son of a
>> I didn't do that. Who would have done
that?
>> Son of a
>> Okay, maybe ask this guy.
>> You get out of my shop.
>> What? What did he do? He went out with
my wife,
>> Joey.
I I Hey, I did not go out with your
wife. Okay. I I went out with her.
>> That's my wife.
Get out.
>> We should go.
>> Okay. Sudden death. One goal, $1,000.
>> You serious?
>> Oh, yes.
>> Okay. Get ready to owe me.
>> Okay.
>> Okay. Here we go. Ready? So
come to me.
[Music]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
>> One can beat me.
>> See, now that's why only the little fake
men are supposed to do the kicking.
>> You know that girl you went to college
with who who became a movie director?
>> Oh, yeah. Danny Keystone. She was in my
movement class.
>> What's a movement class? It's Chandler's
way of pretending he didn't take mime.
>> Oh, well, listen. Anyway, she's
directing the new Al Pacino movie. You
got to get me an audition.
>> Oh, I don't know, man. I haven't talked
to her in like 10 years.
>> Oh, no. No. Please, please, Chandler. I
I would owe you so much. You do owe me
so much.
>> You owe me 3,400.
>> Why are you changing the subject? What?
>> Will you make the call or what?
>> Okay, I'll I'll try.
>> All right. Thanks. You're the best. Now,
listen. The last day of auditions is
Thursday, okay? Okay. So, I got to get
in there by Thursday. Okay. Just
remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you
remember Thursday?
Yeah. So, Tuesday.
Thursday.
Look, if you need help remembering, just
think of it like this. The third day.
All right. Monday, one day. Tuesday,
Tuesday. Wednesday. When? Huh? What day?
Thursday.
The third day. Okay.
Thank you.
>> Joey Trivani from Days of Our Lives just
walked in here.
>> Ra, he's a friend of ours.
>> You are friends with Dr. Drake Remor.
>> It's kind of hard to be friends with
Drake because of his busy schedule and
the fact that he's not real.
>> Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard
here sometime.
>> He's coming. He's coming over. Joey,
>> I know. Here. Here.
No, this is my friend Rachel. We went to
high school together.
>> I
love you on that show.
>> I watch you every day. I mean, when you
took out your own kidney to save your
ex-wife, even though she tried to kill
you.
>> Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.
>> She's not crazy, is she?
>> So, uh, how are you doing?
Okay,
>> listen. I'm going to be moving out. So,
you are going to be in charge of paying
the rent,
>> right? And when does that do?
>> First of the month.
>> That's every month.
>> No, just the months you actually want to
live here.
>> Okay. Here's the phone bill.
>> Oh my god.
That's our phone number.
Now, look, I know I kind of sprung this
whole me moving out on you thing, so why
don't I just Why don't I just cover you
for a while?
>> No, no, no way. Joey Tribani does not
take charity
anymore.
>> It's not charity, Joe.
>> I don't know. Forget it. Okay. I mean,
thanks, but I'm done taking money from
you. All right. I could take care of
myself now. What's next? Come on.
>> Okay. Uh, here's the electric bill.
>> This is how much we pay for electric?
>> Well, yeah.
[Applause]
So, we'll do the rest of the bills later
then.
>> I'm going to be moving out, man.
>> Wow. Well, uh, hey, really happy for you
guys. Congratulations. See you later.
>> Hey, Joey. Joey, are you okay?
>> Yeah, I've got to go. I've got an acting
job.
>> Like, you'd believe that.
This sucks.
>> Look, I'm I'm just going to be right
across the hall. And I promise you, the
minute Monica and I break up, I'm moving
right back in with you.
>> Okay, look, look, look. Uh if you're
going to be moving in with him, I feel
that it is my responsibility to tell you
the truth about him. Okay? He's a
terrible roommate. Terrible. He uh
forgets to um he always he always uh
Oh, my kid. He's the best roommate ever.
Take these cappuccinos to table 11. And
that guy over there wants some biscati.
>> Oh. Uh, well, I just actually came in
for a cup of coffee to go.
>> Do you still work here?
>> No. No. I quit a long time ago.
Did I forget to tell you that? I'm
sorry.
>> That's cool. I was going to fire you
anyway. Great.
>> Hang out with you guys two nights in a
row. I'm so sorry.
Wh why does she not want to hang out
with us?
>> Because she uh she she thinks that you
are blah
>> and and that uh you Monica are uh too
loud.
>> What?
>> What?
>> So she was just pretending to have a
good time last night. She was lying to
our faces.
>> I can't believe this. I mean, who is she
to judge us? We could not have been
nicer to her.
>> And I am not blah. I am a hoot.
No, come on. Please, please, you guys
don't don't be mad. I'm sure she just
she just said that stuff because she was
nervous cuz you guys are like my best
friends, you know, and it was our first
date. Plus, she's really sick.
>> No, you she No, you said you made that
up.
>> I know, but don't you think the sick
thing is way better than the play thing?
>> They're both good. I generally just go
with Monica's drunk again.
>> Come on, you guys. Come on. Please.
Please just give her another chance.
Huh? She'll come around. I promise.
>> Of course we will. Come on. We got to
make dinner.
>> Okay.
>> I do not like that woman.
>> I can hear you.
>> I am loud.
>> Got you the Joey special. Two pizzas.
Joe.
Hello. Damn it.
Hello. No, Joey's not here right now,
but I can take a message. I think
he's still got a chance for the part.
Oh, that's great news. Well, no,
obviously not for the actor who was
mauled by his dog.
Oh, well, that's great. I will give Joey
the message. Thank you. Yes.
Okay,
Mac.
Audition
at two.
Allergy
actor
attacked
by dog.
Not
flowers.
Hey,
>> please tell me you got the message.
>> What message?
>> The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.
They needed to see you at 2:00.
>> What? It's 6:00.
>> I wrote I wrote it on the board. I wrote
it on the board and then I went all over
New York City looking for you. I went to
Ross's. I went to the coffee house. I
went to any place that they made
sandwiches.
>> I can't believe this, Chandler. I'm
sorry. I I I I don't know what to say.
>> Well, you you might say,
"Congratulations.
I saw the board. I went to the audition.
I got the board."
>> Is that supposed to be funny? I was
really worried over here.
>> Oh, well.
>> You know, sometimes that fake out thing
is just mean.
>> Oh, wow. Okay, man. I'm sorry. I did not
mean to make you feel bad.
>> Well, that's good because you didn't.
And I'm incredibly happy for you.
That's mean.
You really had me going there.
>> We could do this all day.
>> Yeah, you're right.
>> When they yelled cut and we didn't get
to kiss, I was really really
disappointed. And I just
I just really wanted to kiss you.
>> Really?
In the moment? I I really wanted to kiss
you, too. In the moment.
>> In the moment.
>> Yeah. But only in the moment. Yeah.
>> So, do you uh
want to kiss again? Sure.
New Year's Eve is only two weeks away.
>> Can you wait?
>> No.
>> Me neither.
>> Three,
two,
>> Joe, you don't have to count down every
time we kiss.
>> Oh, okay.
Except that I sort of felt like I needed
a couple seconds to get ready.
will take a couple of kindness.
Yeah.
>> So, uh, was he excited about the
tickets?
>> No. He blew us off. What? I know.
Can't believe it.
Can I tell you something?
I'm a little mad at him now.
Can I tell you something?
Me, too.
>> You know what? He didn't want to talk to
us about being angry. Well, maybe we
don't talk to him at all.
>> Ooh.
Freeze him out.
>> That's right.
>> I like it.
>> We'll show him.
>> From now on, it's going to be Joey and
Ross, best friends. Okay. We're going to
be the new Joey and Chandler.
>> Hey. Hey, listen. Uh, you guys think I
have a chance with Janine?
>> Well, honey, we have been through this
before.
>> Yeah, don't do this to yourself. She
made it pretty clear it is not going to
happen.
>> Well, all right then. I guess I
shouldn't get too excited about the fact
that I just kissed her.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. Well, we'll see.
>> You kissed her? Oh, we kissed it up real
nice.
>> So, you kissed her. So, what happened
after that?
>> I came over here to tell you guys.
So, she's just waiting over there for
you.
[Music]
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