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Guys, there's uh somebody I'd like you
to meet.
>> Wait, wait. What is that?
>> That would be Marcel. You want to say
hi?
>> No. No, I don't.
>> Oh, he is precious. Where did you get
him?
>> My friend Bethl rescued him from some
lab.
>> That is so cruel. Why? Why would a
parent name their child Bethl?
[laughter]
Hey, that monkeyy's got a Ross on his
ass.
>> Ros, is he going to live with you like
in your apartment?
>> Yeah. I mean, it's been kind of quiet
since Carol left. So,
>> why don't you just get a roommate?
>> Uh, I don't know. I think you reach a
certain age. having a roommate is just
kind of pathetic.
Uh, sorry, that's that's pathetive.
>> Oh my gosh, Rachel, my Are you okay?
Where's Paulo?
>> Rome jerk missed his flight and then
your face exploded.
>> No.
Okay, I was at the airport getting into
a cab when this woman, this blonde
planet with a pocketbook, [laughter]
starts yelling at me something about how
it was her cab first and then the next
thing I know, she's just starts starts
pulling ME OUT BY MY HAIR, YOU KNOW, AND
then blowing my attack whistle thingy
and and then THREE MORE CAMS SHOW UP.
As I'm going to get into a cab, SHE
TACKLES ME AND I PUT MY HEAD on the curb
and cut my lip on my whistles.
[laughter]
Everybody having fun at the party?
[laughter]
>> Are people eating my dip?
>> Hi.
>> Hi, I'm Sandy.
>> Sandy. Hi. Come on in.
>> [laughter]
>> You brought your kids.
>> Yeah, that's okay. Right.
>> You know, when I saw you at the store
last week, it was probably the first
time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
>> Wow. That's uh dirty.
>> Yeah.
Hey kids,
>> we're in a virtual snowstorm [cheering]
of confetti here in Time Square. It gets
bigger and better.
>> Go kids.
And then the peacock bit me. [laughter]
Please kiss me at midnight.
[laughter]
>> You seen Sandy? Uh, I don't know how to
tell you this, but uh, she's in Monica's
bedroom getting it on with Max, that
scientist geek.
>> Oh, look at that. I didn't know how to
tell you. [laughter]
>> Everybody, the ball is dropping.
>> What? [laughter]
>> The ball is dripping.
[laughter]
>> It'll be midnight.
>> And the moment of joy is upon us.
>> Looks like that nose date pack thing
worked out.
Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.
>> Not everybody's happy.
>> Hey, Bobby.
>> You know, I uh just thought I'd throw
this out here. I'm no math wiz, but I do
believe there are three girls and three
guys right here.
>> Mhm.
>> Oh, I don't feel like kissing anyone
tonight.
I can't kiss anyone. So, I'm kissing
everyone.
>> No, no, no. You can't kiss Ross. That's
your brother.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Well, perfect. Perfect. So, now
everybody's getting a kiss but me. All
right. Somebody kiss me.
>> SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S MIDNIGHT.
SOMEBODY GET SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S
MIDNIGHT. IT'S ONE GAME.
>> HEY. HEY.
>> HEY.
>> HEY. How much did you guys take the
super this year?
>> Yeah, we were going to give 50, but if
you guys gave more, we don't want to
look bad. Oh, actually this year we just
made him homemade cookies.
>> And 25 it is.
>> You gave him cookies.
>> Money is so impersonal.
>> Cookies says someone really cares.
>> All right, we're broke, but cookies do
say that.
>> I can see that. A plate of brownies once
told me a limmerick.
[laughter]
>> Pete, let me ask you something. Were
these uh funny brownies?
Not especially,
>> but you know what? I think they had pot
in them.
>> So, you guys, who else did you tip with
cookies?
>> Uh, the mailman. The super Oh, and the
newspaper delivery guy.
>> Oh my god.
>> What?
>> I don't think you're going to like this.
>> Oh gosh. Oh, there's a cookie smashed in
the sports section.
Oh, look. And he did my crossword
puzzle.
>> Yeah, but not very well. Unless 14
across Gershwin musical actually is Bite
Me, Bite Me, Bite Me, Bite Me.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Hey, Re. I uh got you a little present.
>> I'll open it.
It's a Slinky.
Remember? Huh? For walks downstairs, a
loner impairs. Everyone knows it's
just a big spring. [laughter]
All right. You're still mad at me
because of the whole
>> horrible and degrading list of reasons
not to be with me?
>> How about from now on we just call it
the unfortunate incident?
[laughter]
>> Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your
place?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Go nuts. There we go.
>> Hey guys.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> What's in the bag? M just some presents.
>> Come on, show us what you bought.
>> You know you want to.
>> Okay.
Okay. This is a picture frame from Ben
to my parents.
>> I got some uh hers and hers towels for
Susan and Carol.
>> And uh I got this blouse for mom.
>> Boss, that is gorgeous. Look at these
authentic fake medals. I
>> tell you, mom's going to be voted best
dressed at the Makeelieve Military
Academy.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. Hey.
>> Happy Christmas Eve. Eve. You
>> too.
>> Oh my god. Where did you get this?
>> Uh Macy's third floor home furnishings.
>> This is my father. This is a picture of
my dad.
>> Okay. This way is on. So, this is
off. [laughter]
>> Did you just break the radiator?
>> No. No. I was turning the knob and and
here it is.
>> Well, put it back.
>> It uh it won't go back.
>> Call the super here. Let me try.
>> Oh. Oh, that's right. I forgot about
your ability to fuse metal.
Hey, it's Funny's cousin. Not funny. Hi,
Mr. Triger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from
upstairs. Yes, somebody uh broke our
knob on the radiator, and it's really
hot in here.
Yes, it's it's hot enough to bake
cookies. [laughter]
Well, well, do you think we could have a
new one by 6?
What? No. No. Tuesday? We can't wait
until Tuesday. We're having a party
tonight.
>> Okay. Tip the man.
>> No. If he doesn't like our cookies, too
bad. I'm not going to be blackmailed.
Look, if worst comes to worse, it gets a
little warm. We'll call it a theme
party.
>> Hey, here's a theme. Come on in. Live
like bacon.
[laughter]
>> Hi. Welcome to our tropical Christmas
party. You put your coats and sweaters
and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
It's hard to tell because I'm sweating,
but I use exactly what the gel bottle
says. [laughter]
>> An amount about the size of a pee. How
How can that be too much?
>> Ice.
Ice. Ice squares. Anyone take a napkin?
All right.
>> Monica. Monica. Monica. Your guests are
turning into jerky. Okay. It's really
I'm definitely comfortable. Hey, hey,
hey, get in line, buddy. I was next.
>> And when you have a second later, I want
to show you why we don't just trap
spiders under coffee mugs and leave them
there.
[laughter]
>> I'm training to be better at a job that
I hate. My life officially sucks.
>> But Ra, wasn't it supposed to be a
temporary thing? I thought you wanted to
do fashion stuff.
>> Well, yeah. I'm still pursuing that.
How exactly are you pursuing that? You
know, other than sending out resumes
like uh what, two years ago?
>> Well, I'm also sending out
good thoughts.
>> If you ask me, as long as you got this
job, you got nothing pushing you to get
another one. You need the fear.
>> The fear.
>> He's right. If you quit this job, you
then have motivation to go after a job
you really want. Well, then how come
you're still at a job that you hate? I
mean, why don't you quit and get the
fear? [laughter]
>> Because I'm too afraid.
>> I don't know. I mean, I would give
anything to work for a designer, you
know, or a buyer.
I just don't want to be 30 and still
work here.
>> Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28
and still working here. [laughter]
>> Rachel.
>> Yeah.
>> Remind me to review with you which pot
is decap and which is regular.
>> [laughter]
>> Can't I just look at the handles on
them?
>> You would think.
[laughter]
>> Okay, fine. Gunther, you know what? I am
a terrible waitress. Do you know why I
am a terrible waitress? Because I don't
care. I don't care. I don't care which
pot is regular and which pot is decaf. I
don't care where the tray spot is. I
just don't care. This is not what I want
to do.
>> So, I don't think I should do it
anymore. I'm
>> going to give you my week's notice.
>> What?
>> Gunther. I quit.
>> Does this mean we're going to have to
start paying for coffee?
>> Hey.
>> Hey. What are you doing?
>> Well, I I thought a lot about what you
said and um I realized all right. Maybe
I was a little judgmental.
>> Yeah. Oh, but um
>> now Phoebe, remember, hey, they're just
fulfilling their Christmas
>> destiny. Sure.
>> Yes.
>> Okay.
Yikes. That one doesn't look very
fulfilled.
>> Oh, that's uh that's one of the old
ones. He's just taking it to the back.
>> You keep the old ones in the back.
>> That is so aegist.
>> But we have to make room for the fresh
ones.
>> So, what happens to the old guys? Well,
they go into the chipper.
>> Well, I have a feeling that's not as
happy as it sounds.
[laughter]
Hey, hey, hey.
>> Okay. And uh this one here is a Douglas
fur. Now, it's a little more money, but
you get a nicer smell.
[laughter]
>> Looks good. I'll take it.
>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no.
You don't want that one. No, you can
have this cool brown one.
>> It It It's almost dead.
>> Okay, but that's why you have to buy it
so that it can fulfill its Christmas
destiny. Otherwise, they're going to
throw it into the chipper. Tell them,
Joey.
>> Yeah, the uh trees that don't fulfill
their Christmas destiny are thrown in
the chipper.
[laughter]
I
>> I think I'm going to look around a
little bit more.
Peeps, you got to stop doing this. I'm
working on commission here.
>> Hey guys, I'm here to pick out my
Christmas tree.
>> Well, look no further. This one's yours.
>> Is this the one that I threw out last
year?
>> All right. You know what? Never mind.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE A GREEN ONE.
SORRY. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get
so emotional. I guess it's just the
holidays are just hard.
>> Oh, honey. Is that cuz your mom died
around Christmas?
>> Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.
>> Oh,
[music]
huh. Seeing that drunk Santa wet himself
really perked up my Christmas.
[laughter]
Oh my god.
>> Merry Christmas.
>> You guys. Oh god, you're the best.
>> It's like Night of the Living Dead
Christmas tree.
>> Hello.
Yeah, this is she.
You're kidding. You're kidding. Oh,
thank you. I love you.
>> Sure. Everybody loves a kid. [laughter]
I got the job.
>> God bless us everyone.
>> Hey.
>> Hi.
>> Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?
>> Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth.
>> 15? Your personal best. [laughter]
>> So, where were you?
>> Oh, on a date. Yeah. Yeah, I met this
girl on the train going to a museum
upstate.
>> Oh, yeah. How'd you meet her?
>> Museum.
>> No, answer his.
>> Okay. It was just me and her at the back
of the train and I sat near the doors so
she'd have to pass by me if she wanted
to like switch cars. She was totally at
my mercy.
>> Were you so late because you were
burying this woman?
>> Well, I'm getting back now because she
lives in Pikipsy. She seems really
great, but she's like 2 and 1/2 hours
away. Well, how can she be great if
she's from Pikipsy? [laughter]
>> Okay, that joke would have killed in
Albany. [laughter]
>> Done. I [snorts] did it. Huh? Who's
stupid now? Huh?
>> Hey, look at this. They're lighting the
big Christmas tree tonight.
>> Um, that paper's two weeks old.
>> All right. Who keeps leaving old
newspapers in the trash?
I really wanted to take Kathy to this. I
can't believe I missed it.
>> Hey, you know, at least you have
somebody to miss that stuff with. Hate
being alone this time of year. Next
thing you know, it'll be Valentine's
Day, then my birthday, then bang, before
you know it, they're lighting that damn
tree again.
I want somebody,
you know? I want a man.
[laughter]
I mean, it doesn't even have to be a big
relationship, you know. Just like a
fling would be great.
>> Really? I didn't think girls ever just
wanted a fling.
>> Well, let me tell you something. It's
been a long time since I've been flung.
>> Well, I know what I'm giving you for
Christmas.
[laughter]
>> You know what? There are some nice guys
at my office. You want me to set you up?
>> Yeah.
>> Wait a minute. It's been a long time
that I've been single. How come you've
never offered this before?
>> Well, I have a girlfriend. I'm I'm
happy.
So, I no longer feel the need to go out
of my way to stop others from being
happy.
[laughter]
>> Okay. No accountants. Oh, and no one
from like legal. I don't like guys with
boring jobs.
>> Oh, and Ross was like what? A lion
tamer.
>> That is not for y'all. [laughter]
>> What?
[laughter]
I made a bet with myself that you had
beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I
win.
>> What?
>> We're at my stop. But would you like to
have coffee?
>> Are we really in Montreal?
>> Yes, we are. So, coffee.
>> Coffee sounds great.
Wait, so so you live in Montreal?
>> Oh, no, but it's just a two-hour ferryy
ride to Nova Scotia.
>> Sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring
my friends all kinds of crap.
Said all you need is to write them a
song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so
don't try to sing along.
Don't sing along.
Monica,
Monica,
have a happy Hanukkah.
[laughter]
Saw Santa [singing] Claus. He said hello
to Ross.
[laughter]
And
Joey
Christmas will BE
RACHEL AND CHANDLER.
HAPPY holidays everybody.
>> What are you doing? I uh reorganized the
fridge. See uh bottom shelf meats and
dairy, middle shelf fruits and
vegetables,
and top shelf expired products.
[laughter]
>> Why are you doing this?
>> Because I am bored. Out of my mind. I've
already been to the bank, the post
office, and the dry cleaners.
>> Dude, you just described 7 days worth of
stuff. [laughter]
>> You got to spread it out a little, you
know. Haven't you ever been unemployed?
>> Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on
sbatical.
>> Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
[laughter]
A guy in your position needs to be a
little better at relaxing, you know.
What? Why do you think we have the
comfortable chairs? Huh? Look, come
here. Sit down.
Ready? Watch.
AND THEN
>> So what? We just sit. Oh, no. No. We're
not going to just sit. Watch.
>> Hello, Chandler Bing.
>> Hello, Mr. Bing. [laughter]
I love you.
>> All right, whoever this is, stop calling
me. [laughter]
>> IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS. IT'S NOT FUNNY.
BUT I LOVE YOU.
>> Leave me alone. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
LEAVE ME ALONE. [laughter]
>> And that's Wednesday.
>> God. Okay, you guys. Here's Danny.
Watch. Just watch this.
See? Still pretending he's not
interested.
[laughter]
Okay, he's coming over. Just pretend
like we don't know him. We've forgotten
who he is.
>> Hey guys. HEY.
[laughter]
OH, DANNY.
OH,
>> DANNY, you know Rachel, you know, she
she's nice. She's not bad to look at,
right?
>> Thanks, Mom.
>> Of course.
>> Do you want to go out on a date with
her, Monica?
[clears throat]
>> AB:
>> Absolutely. Is Friday. Okay. [laughter]
>> Friday is perfect. She can't wait
>> on the date. I will be able to talk to
her directly, right? [laughter]
Super.
>> Okay. What the hell was that? You know
what? Don't answer me.
>> I have a date with Danny.
>> Hello and merry Christmas. Oh, thank
you, sir. Here's some joy.
>> Hey, want to see how it's going? Well,
it's going okay. Oh, good. Here, let me
help you out. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Wow.
Is that a new suede jacket? It looks
really expensive.
[laughter]
Yeah, I guess.
Just get your nails done.
>> Yes, baby. But this is all I have. Okay.
Okay. Thanks. Happy holidays. Here's
your joy. Thank you.
>> Thank you. Happy holidays. And wait, but
you can't take the money out.
>> I'm making change. I need change for the
bus.
>> But can't you leave the dollar? This
money's for the poor.
>> I'm poor. I got to take the bus.
>> Okay. Season's greetings and everything,
but still.
>> Bite me, Blondie.
>> Oh, I'm going to give him something
besides joy. Just
>> Oh, this is so good. You have got to try
it.
[laughter]
[laughter]
>> Oh. Damn, I got it on my pants.
>> Here, I'll get it.
[laughter]
>> We better take these off upstairs or
that stain's going to set.
>> Yeah, I want to wear these pants on our
date tonight.
>> Oh, great. [laughter]
>> Hey, bye.
>> Oh my god.
>> That was unbelievable. Okay, see, I told
you.
>> Yeah. Wow. Sorry, Ra.
>> I don't believe they're brother and
sister. They're brother and sister.
>> It's a typical New York City apartment.
Two girls are just hanging out.
>> Hi. How are you doing, Kelly?
>> I'm doing just fine. God, Tiffany, you
smell so great. [laughter]
>> It's my new perfume. Why don't you come
closer where you can really appreciate
it?
[laughter]
>> Oh, you know, Joey, you are sick. This
is disgusting. Naz.
>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. THE HANDSOME MAN
WAS ABOUT TO ENTER.
>> Let me ask you, why is everybody using
these tiny little lights nowadays? I
remember when people used to use big
lights.
>> That's a good story, Grandpa.
[laughter]
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Wow. Monica's letting other people help
decorate her tree. Did someone get her
drunk again?
>> [laughter]
>> Having a perfectly decorated tree is not
what Christmas is about. It's about
being with the people that you love.
>> That is nice. And we're done. Tada.
[laughter]
>> I don't know what it is. Just doesn't
quite feel like Christmas to me.
>> Oh, yes.
[cheering]
[laughter]
>> See, now it feels like Christmas.
>> We are looking for our Christmas
presents for Monica.
>> What? That's terrible. No, no, we do it
every year.
>> Oh, well that that makes it not
terrible.
>> No. Yeah, we never find them. She's
always best at us. That wy minkx.
[laughter]
>> Yeah, don't worry. We're just going to
search here for an hour and then we're
going to go over to Joey's and search.
Okay.
>> No, not okay. You can't look for
Monica's presents.
>> Oh, no. We have to.
>> No, you don't have to. And you can't
because I I live here, too.
>> Well, then you should look with us.
Why,
>> Chandler? Aren't you worried about what
to get Monica for Christmas?
>> No, I have a great idea for a present
for her.
>> Oh, that's it. A great idea, I guess.
>> Chandler, that's not enough. I mean,
what if she gets you a great present,
two medium presents, and then a bunch of
little presents, and you've just gotten
her one great present? I mean, that's
just going to make her feel bad. Why
would you do that to her, Chandler? Why?
Why?
>> If I helped, we could find them faster.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
OH. OH, WE HAVE A LIVE ONE. IT'S A
MACY'S BAG.
>> YEAH.
>> OH. OH. Who's it for?
[laughter]
>> Dear losers, do you really think I'd
hide presents under the couch?
[laughter]
>> P.S. Chandler. I knew they'd break you.
>> Uh-oh. She may be on to us.
>> I couldn't find anything in Jo. Why?
>> Yeah, we found them. They were in the
guest room closet behind some coats.
Yeah. And you have nothing to worry
about cuz they're all crap. [laughter]
>> Those are my gifts. I got those for you.
[laughter]
>> Oh, thanks, Chandler. They're great.
>> Well, Chandler, then what is this very
weird um metal a thing?
>> Those are bookends. That's a great gift.
>> Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Thank you for my
ass.
MAKE SURE YOU put all that stuff back in
the closet. Okay.
>> Yes. Okay. Oh, by the way, I just got to
say I think it's really nice of you that
even after you've moved, you still keep
storing that stuff for Joey.
[laughter]
>> Birds have a very good sense of
direction, and I thought maybe they
could help us find where the presents
are hidden. [laughter]
>> Yes, if the presents are hidden south
for the winter.
>> Or we could just follow your clever
jokes. Any ideas? No. Didn't think so.
Okay,
>> come on, guys. Show us where the
presents are.
>> Well, the duck seems to think that
Monica got me garbage. I wonder what I
can get Monica that's as good as
garbage.
>> H, how about my ass?
>> Hey,
this is hollow.
>> What?
>> This bench? It's hollow. I can't BELIEVE
I NEVER KNEW THAT.
PROFESSOR. OH, NO. DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY
AT THEM.
>> WHAT? [laughter]
>> All right. No, we could LOOK AT THEM.
>> OH, THIS ONE'S FOR ME.
>> OH. OH, THIS ONE'S for Chandler. HERE,
>> THE BIG ONE'S FOR ME.
>> OKAY, LET'S OPEN.
>> Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. We
can't do this.
>> Why?
>> I don't want to know what Monica got me,
you know? I mean, look, I'm sure she
worked really hard at getting me a
present and wanting to surprise me, and
you guys are going to ruin that. And
look, we have to put these back. This is
not what Christmas is about.
>> Whatever, Lionus. I'm opening mine.
[laughter]
>> Nobody is opening anything. Okay, look.
I don't know about you guys, but I want
to see the look on Monica's face when I
give her my present. And I'm sure she
wants to see the look on my face when I
get mine. So, please Please, can we just
can we put them back?
>> Will you get us better gifts? Fine.
[laughter]
>> Hey guys,
[laughter]
you found the presents. Chandler, you
let them find the presents. Great. Do
you know how long it took me to find you
that water purifier?
[laughter]
>> That's what you got me?
>> Oh, yes. I see what you mean. That look
is priceless.
Hey, what are you guys doing today?
>> Making holiday candy for the neighbors.
>> I'm sorry. Who?
>> I'm going to hang this basket on the
door and then when the neighbors walk
by, they can all take a piece.
>> But we don't know the neighbors.
>> I do. There's uh let's say guy with a
mustache,
smokes a lot lady,
kids I've seen, and a red-haired guy who
does not like to be called Rusty.
>> See, this is exactly why I'm making this
candy. We can learn their names and get
to know our neighbors.
>> Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?
>> Okay, now just remember everything I
taught you and you'll be fine. Okay,
here we go. Ready,
set. Wait, this seat is really
uncomfortable. Okay, maybe before we
start, we should just get another one.
Perhaps like an airplane seat or a bean
bag chair.
[laughter]
>> Baby, you can't get out of this. Okay,
you have to learn how to ride a bike.
>> Why? Why do I have to learn?
>> Well, in in case of an emergency.
>> What kind of emergency? Well, let what
if a man comes along and puts a gun to
your head and says, "You ride this bike
or I'll I'll shoot you."
>> Okay, I would ring the bell to distract
him and then I would knock the gun out
of his hand with a Chinese throwing
star.
>> Okay, Phoebe, just just get get on the
bike and hey, I'll hold you up and and
push you. Okay,
>> you won't let go.
No.
>> You swear.
>> I swear.
>> Okay.
>> Come on.
>> All right. Here we go.
>> All right.
>> All right.
>> All right. Feel good.
>> Well,
>> all right. Try pedaling. That's it.
You're doing great. You're doing great.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Take control. Yes.
>> Oh. Oh. Oh, no.
>> You score. I I just thought you were
doing so well.
>> It's shocked. Shocked. [laughter]
>> It's a legitimate learning technique.
[laughter]
Wow.
>> Oh, hello liar. [laughter]
>> Look, [snorts] I I'm I'm really sorry I
let go of the bike.
>> I could have been killed. I hope you
know.
>> [laughter]
>> I know. I know.
But can we please try it again? Huh? I
mean, you were so close, Phoebe.
>> Well, I would love to, but
the bike got stolen and the police have
no suspects.
[laughter]
>> Phoebe,
>> what? [bell]
[laughter]
>> What the hell?
All right. You know what? If you are not
going to learn how to ride this bike,
then I'm sorry. I'm just going to have
to take it back.
>> What? Why?
>> Because because it's it's
it would be like you having this guitar
and and never playing it. Okay. This
guitar wants to be played and and this
bike wants to be ridden and and if you
don't ride it, you're you
killing its spirit.
The bike
is dying.
All right, if you care enough to make up
that load of crap. Okay, [laughter]
>> great. Great.
You're making the bike very happy.
>> Okay, Ross.
[laughter]
>> Please don't talk.
>> I can't believe it. I did it. I rode a
bike. I never thought I'd be able to do
that. Thank you, Ross.
>> Oh, hey, don't thank me. Thank yourself.
You're the one who faced your fears and
ultimately overcame them.
>> Don't be so corny, Ross. It's not an
after school special.
[bell]
>> Bye.
I just got us reservations at Michelle's
and tickets to The Music Man to
celebrate our first holiday season as a
betrothed couple.
>> Bet.
>> Betrod couple.
>> Hey.
>> Ah. Oh,
[laughter]
>> babe.
>> Skull.
>> Oh, yeah. IT'S MY MOM'S.
>> OH MY GOD.
>> NO, NO, NO. It's not. It's not my mom.
It belonged to my mom.
>> Yeah. No, she used to put it out every
Christmas to remind us that even though
it's Christmas, people still die.
And you can put candy in it. [laughter]
Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. Licorice.
>> Sure.
>> Hey. I just found out I get Ben for the
holidays this year.
>> Oh, that's great.
>> Are you going to dress up as Santa?
>> Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every
year, but I think I want to take this
year to teach him all about Hanukkah.
>> And maybe I could teach Ben about the
Christmas skull and how people die.
>> You may need to use this year to teach
Ben about Phoebe.
Hello, sir. You here to return those
pants? [laughter]
>> No, these are my pants.
>> Oh, okay.
[laughter] How can I help you?
>> Well, um, do you have a Santa outfit
left
>> two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.
>> Okay. Look, do do you have anything uh
Christmy? I promised my son, and I I
really don't want to disappoint him. Um,
come on. I got to have something.
I'm the holiday armadillo.
[laughter]
I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me
here to wish you a merry Christmas.
>> What happened to Santa? Holiday
armadillo.
>> Santa was unavailable. So close to
Christmas.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, well, come in. Have a seat. You must
be exhausted coming all the way from
Texas.
[laughter]
>> Texas.
>> That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's
representative for all the southern
states
and Mexico.
[laughter]
But Santa sent me here to give you these
presents. Ben, maybe the lady will help
me with these presents. [laughter]
[laughter]
[laughter]
>> Wow. Thanks.
>> You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas
and happy Hanukkah.
>> [laughter]
>> ARE YOU FOR HANUKKAH, TOO? Because I'm
part Jewish.
>> You are. Me, too. [laughter]
>> Because armadillos also wandered in the
desert.
>> Or was that that little bit of oil that
should have lasted just one day, burned
for
>> eight whole days?
>> That's right. And that's why we
celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.
>> Awesome.
>> Yeah.
My favorite part was when Superman flew
all the Jews out of Egypt.
[laughter]
The armadillo was actually not so
thrilled about that part. [laughter]
Okay, Ben, it's time to light the
Hanukkah candles.
[laughter]
Hey. Oh, wow. Looks like the Easter
Bunny's funeral in here.
>> Come on. Come on. We're We're lighting
the candles. Come on.
>> Oh,
I understand why Superman is here, but
why is there a porcupine at the Easter
Bunny's funeral? That's not someone that
I would would be attracted to, but right
now with the way I'm feeling, all I want
to do is rip off his sweatpants and
fanny pack.
>> Wait a second. This is about the fourth
month of your pregnancy, right?
>> Yeah. This is completely normal. Around
the fourth month, your hormones start
going crazy.
>> Really? So, this has happened to you?
>> Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Oh, and keep in
mind now, I was carrying triplets. So,
you know, in medical terms, I was I was
thrice as Randy.
>> Wow. This explains so much. Last
weekend, I went from store to store
sitting on Santa's laps. [laughter]
>> Yeah. Yeah. I remember trying to steal a
cardboard cutout of a Vander Holyfield
from a Foot Locker.
>> Yeah.
Well, you know what? I go see my doctor
tomorrow. I'll ask her about this. Maybe
she can give me a pill or something.
>> Yeah. Yeah. That's what you need. A good
pill.
Okay. Okay. Here's a good one of us.
>> Wow, that is a good one. Wow. It looks
like a like a holiday card, you know,
with the tree in the middle and the the
skaters and the snow.
>> You know, every year I say I'm going to
send out holiday cards and I never do
it. Do you want to Do you want to send
this one out together?
[laughter]
>> Together? Like to to people?
>> Yeah. You know, happy holidays from Mona
and Ross. It'll be cute. Okay.
Okay. [laughter]
>> Oh, I got to get to work, so call me
later.
>> Oh, sure. Sure.
>> Bye, guys.
>> Bye.
>> Congratulations. You just got married.
[laughter]
>> No. Can you believe that?
>> Wait, I'm I'm sorry. What's the big deal
about a holiday card?
>> Married couples send out cards. Families
send out cards. People who've been
dating for a couple of months do not
send out cards. What? What? Is she
crazy?
>> Hey, hey, hey. That's your wife you're
talking about.
>> Honey, I'm home
>> from the tequila factory.
>> It was awful to get out of going to
dinner with Doug. I told him that you
and I split up. So then he took me to
all these strip clubs and sleazy bars.
And then when I wouldn't give my wedding
ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.
[laughter]
>> I could breathe through my mouth.
>> You know what the worst part was? I got
to see what my life would be like
without you.
You know, it was like uh It's a
Wonderful Life with lap dances.
[laughter]
>> Please promise me that you will never
leave me, that we will grow old together
and be with each other for the rest of
our lives.
>> I promise.
>> Hey, speaking of together, how about we
send out a holiday card this year?
>> Oh, I I don't know if we're there yet.
>> Sorry, honey. I'm just having a having a
rough day.
>> Oh, what's wrong? Oh, you really you
really just don't want to hear about it.
>> Then why did I ask?
>> Okay. It's just I mean, this is really
embarrassing, but lately with this whole
pregnancy thing, I'm just finding
myself,
how do I put this? Um,
erotically charged.
>> Is that college talk for horny?
[laughter]
>> Yeah.
So, you know, I have all of these
feelings and I don't know what to do
about them because I can't date like a
normal person, which is fine because I
don't need a relationship. I mean, all I
really want is one great night, just
sex, you know, no strings attached, no
relationship, just with someone that I
feel comfortable with and who knows what
he's doing for just one great night. I
mean, is that really so hard
to find?
>> [laughter]
>> So, how how was your day?
>> It's been good. I uh I saw a pretty big
pigeon.
[laughter]
>> Well, I got to get up early and it's
almost 7:00. So,
>> I got I got to go to my room, too. Good
night. Good night. [laughter]
>> I CAN'T DO IT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO
[laughter] IT.
>> You're Rachel.
>> YOU'RE JOEY.
>> YOU'RE MY FRIEND. IT'S
>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
>> YEAH. [laughter]
>> PLUS, it would be wrong and weird and
and and and bad.
>> It's so bad. But I don't even know what
you're talking about because I didn't
ask you to do anything.
>> I know.
>> You want to do it?
>> No.
>> Me neither. I'M JUST TESTING YOU. HEY,
WELL THAT'S THE END OF THIS
CONVERSATION.
>> THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
>> HAPPENED.
>> GOOD NIGHT.
>> Get back in there.
>> He sprained to his sleigh. To his team
gave a whistle and away they all flew
like the down of a thistle. But I heard
him exclaim he drove out of sight. Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good
night.
[laughter]
>> Wow,
that was great.
>> You really wrote that? [laughter]
>> Uh-huh.
>> Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa.
>> I can't believe you're not going to be
here for Christmas.
>> You're really not coming back?
>> Yeah, we have all this paperwork that
needs to be filed by the end of the
year. If I don't get it done, I'll be
fired.
>> Just It's so unfair. You don't even like
your job.
>> So, who does?
>> Oh, I like my job. I can't wait to go
back to work.
>> I can't get enough dinosaurs. [laughter]
>> I'm sorry. I won't be here.
>> Just It's hard enough not seeing you
during the week, but for Christmas. And
what? This is what you have to do. I
understand.
>> Thanks.
I'll see you New Year's Day.
>> You're not going to be here New Year's
Eve?
Did I not mention that?
>> No.
>> And to all a good night.
>> Chandler Bing.
>> Hi honey. We're all here. We just want
to wish you a merry Christmas.
>> Merry Christmas.
>> Merry Christmas.
[laughter]
>> A merry Christmas. I miss you guys.
>> So is it horrible? Is everybody working
really hard?
>> Uh well, no. It's just uh me and Wendy.
>> Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.
[laughter]
>> It is. Did I not tell you about her?
>> Mhm. Mhm. About the time you told me
about New Year's Eve. Where's everybody
else?
>> I sent them home.
>> Oh, you are such a good boss. Is she
pretty?
>> Uh uh. Answer faster. Answer faster.
>> I don't know.
>> Answer better. Answer better.
>> I don't think of her that way, you know.
I She's a uh she's a colleague.
>> What does she do there?
>> Oh, she's regional vice president. She's
just below me.
>> She did what? [laughter]
>> Below me.
>> Oh, wait. Is Wendy the runner-up Miss
Oklahoma?
>> What? [laughter]
>> Well, she she didn't win.
>> All right. Well, maybe I should let you
and the second prettiest girl in
Oklahoma get back to work.
>> Well, second prettiest that year. I
mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma,
she's probably
>> Oh, Chandler, stop talking. [laughter]
>> Honey, there's really nothing to worry
about.
>> Okay,
>> I'm serious.
>> Okay.
>> Merry Christmas.
>> Merry Christmas.
>> Merry Christmas, you guys.
>> Merry Christmas.
[laughter]
[snorts]
>> The wife says, "Hi."
>> Ah, fun conversation. Oh, well, she's
just got this weird idea that uh you
know, just because you and I are alone
that something's going to happen.
>> Huh? Really?
That be so terrible?
>> This is probably the wrong thing to be
worrying about, but you're getting ham
on my only tie.
>> Hey.
>> Oh my god. Hey.
>> A
>> Hey,
that's a Christmas miracle. [laughter]
>> What are you doing here?
>> I wanted to be with you. I missed you so
much. Hey. Hey. Uh, who'd you miss the
most?
>> Monica.
Gotcha.
[laughter]
>> I never want to leave you again.
>> But I thought if you left, you'd get
fired.
>> Turns out they can't fire me.
Because I quit.
>> What?
>> What? You You really quit your job?
>> Yeah, it was a stupid job and I could
not stand leaving you. And why should I
be the only one who doesn't get to do
what he really wants to do? Well,
>> what do you really want to do?
>> I have not thought this through.
[laughter]
>> Oh my god.
>> I know. I I should have talked to you
first about it.
>> No, I think that this is what you want
to do. I think it's great.
Thanks,
>> Chandler.
>> Your being here is the best Christmas
present I could have ever imagined. A
>> Now give me my real gift.
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