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Hey, you guys, guess what? Barry and
Mindy are getting a divorce. Oh my god.
>> What is the matter with you?
>> No. Barry and Mindy.
>> Oh, sorry. I hear divorce. I immediately
go to Ross. [laughter]
>> Who? Who's Barry and Mindy?
>> Barry was the guy that I almost married.
And Mindy was my best friend.
>> Oh. Oh. Wasn't he cheating on you with
her?
>> Yeah, but that just means that he was
falling asleep on top of her instead of
me.
God, can you imagine if I'd actually
married him? I mean, how different would
my life be?
>> I know what you mean. I've always
wondered how different my life would be
if if id never gotten divorced.
>> Which time?
>> The first time. [laughter]
>> No, seriously. Imagine if Carol hadn't
realized she was a lesbian.
>> I can't. I keep seeing it the good way.
>> I bet I'd still be doing my karate.
Towards the end of our marriage, I was
doing a lot of karate as a way of
releasing the tension from, you know,
not doing anything else physical.
>> Maybe the problem was you were
pronouncing it karate. [laughter]
>> On the platform, ready to dance the
world into the new millennium and the
guy yells, "Cut?"
>> Wait, so you guys are telling me that
you actually did the routine from 8th
grade?
Yeah, but of course we had to update it
a little bit. But hey, by the way, quick
thinking about catching me.
[laughter]
>> Yeah, cuz I was going to say there's no
way you could have done the end the way
you guys did it back then. [laughter]
>> What? We could do it.
>> I don't know. I mean, you were a lot
bigger. I mean, stronger back then.
>> I can do it. Okay, come on. Let's go.
>> [laughter]
>> One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight.
>> I can't do it.
>> Now you do that, you're on TV.
>> That is the most beautiful engagement
ring ever.
>> Yeah, well, you should know. You bought
like a billion of them. [laughter]
>> Yeah, you didn't get one.
>> Okay. Well, tonight's the big night.
>> Hey, listen. How are you going to ask
her?
>> It is going to be perfect. I am taking
her to her favorite restaurant, I'm
going to get her a bottle of the
champagne that she really loves,
therefore knows how expensive it is.
>> Then when the glasses are full, instead
of proposing a toast, I'm just going to
propose.
>> It sounds perfect.
>> You're going to mess it up. Let me do
it.
>> I'm not going to mess it up.
>> If she says no, can I have the ring?
>> She's not going to say no.
>> If
>> [laughter]
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
[laughter]
>> Give it.
>> It's gone.
>> Phoebe.
>> I'm not.
[laughter]
>> We're practically kissing.
>> Ross, listen. You want anything to
drink? Cuz I'm heading up there.
>> Uh, yeah. I'll I'll take a coffee.
Thanks, Brand. Sure.
>> Coffee?
>> No.
>> Coffee? Cuz I'm going up there.
>> Oh, no. Thank you. [laughter]
>> You guys need anything? Cuz I'm heading
up there.
>> I'd love a ice water.
>> You got it.
[laughter]
>> Joey, what are you doing?
>> Just being friendly.
>> Joey, I I don't think you're supposed to
go back there.
>> No, no, it's okay. Right, Gunther?
>> Don't wink at me. [laughter]
Put on your apron.
>> Okay. [laughter]
I don't see you asking any other paying
customers to put on aprons. [laughter]
>> Joey, do you work here?
>> No.
>> Waiter.
>> Yeah.
[music]
>> Joey, what's going on? Why didn't you
tell us you work here? Well, that
that's kind of embarrassing, you know? I
mean, I was an actor. Now I'm a waiter
supposed to go in the other direction.
>> So's your apron. You're wearing it like
a cape.
>> I mean, the job's easy and the money's
good, you know? And I guess if I'm going
to be hanging out here anyway, I might
as well get paid for it, right? Just
feel kind of weird serving you guys, you
know?
>> Joey, come on. I did it and it was fine.
Yeah. Why would it be weird? Hey, Joey.
Uh, can I get some coffee?
>> Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that
weird.
>> Seriously, I I asked you before. You
still haven't gotten it.
See, now it's weird again.
>> I think it's great that you work here.
You're going to make a lot of money. And
here is your first tip.
Don't eat yellow snow.
215 coffee house.
Well, you know what? This is great.
Finally, I have someone I can pass on my
wisdom to. Let me tell you about a
couple things I learned while working at
the coffee house. Um, first of all, the
customer is always right. A smile goes a
long way.
And if anyone is ever rude to you,
sneeze muffin.
>> Thanks, Rage.
Hey, look, you guys are just terrific,
you know. Now, how about clearing out of
here so I can get some new customers?
Huh? It's all about turnover.
>> Joey,
seriously, can I get my coffee?
>> I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it for you
right now. And since I made you wait,
I'll toss in a free muffin.
>> Uh, Phoebe's not here, is she?
>> No. Oh, great. Did you get a movie?
>> [applause]
>> Uh [cheering]
yeah. Yeah. But uh I don't think it's
the kind you're going to like.
>> You didn't get more movies that are
going to have us reaching for the
tissues all night, did you? [laughter]
[cheering]
[applause]
>> Sort of.
[cheering and applause]
>> Guys, what's going on?
>> PHOE'S A PORN STAR.
>> [laughter]
>> WHAT?
>> Phoebe Buffet in Buffet the vampire
layer.
>> My god, that's Phoebe. Where did you get
that?
>> Well, down at the adult video place on
Bleecker. And And I saw Joey was about
to go in, so I ran in ahead of him to to
surprise him. And And [laughter] then
then I pretended that I didn't know he
was in there.
>> [laughter]
>> Wow. I mean, I just can't I can't
believe this, you know? I mean, you
think you know someone, even even
Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a
question mark. [laughter]
>> This is so bizarre.
I guess it kind of makes sense though.
She, you know, she had such a terrible
childhood.
>> I had a terrible childhood and I don't
do porn.
>> Yes, but you're dead inside.
>> All right. [laughter] Well, I better
take that back.
>> Why? Why?
I can't watch that. I mean, that's
Phoebe.
>> Yeah, you're right. We can't. We
shouldn't watch that.
>> Absolutely not. That goes back,
>> you know. Maybe a little bit. How about
just the first half?
>> Hey, no. THIS IS WRONG, YOU GUYS. PHOE'S
OUR FRIEND. WELL, I'm not going to watch
it.
>> Yeah. Good for you, Joe.
[laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> Ah, I thought I'd find you here. N for
Ratul. [laughter]
>> Buffet, are you going to plunge your
steak into my dark places?
>> Actually, I was kind of hoping it would
be the other way around.
[laughter]
>> Hold on a second. What is that on her
ankle?
>> Her ankle is what you're watching.
Well, it's hard to tell.
[laughter]
>> Oh gosh, she just stopped moving.
>> Just doing her job. [laughter]
You sick bastard.
>> It's a tattoo. That's weird. Phoebe. Oh,
>> wait. That's Ursula. That's not Phoebe.
That is Ursula.
>> I CAN WATCH THAT. REWIND IT. REWIND IT.
[cheering]
>> HEY.
>> OH, what's up? OH MY GOD, WHAT AM I
DOING?
>> HEY, what are you doing here? Shouldn't
you be at work? Uh,
>> they sent me home. They said I can't
work if I'm sick.
>> I'm so sorry that you're sick.
>> I'm not sick.
>> I don't get sick. Getting sick is for
weeklings. It's for pansies.
>> Honey, no one thinks that you're a
pansy, but we do think that you need a
tissue. [laughter]
I have not been sick in over 3 years.
>> I'm going to grab you some tissue. I
>> I don't need a tissue. I'm fine.
>> When you put a D at the end of fine,
you're not fine.
>> I'm fine.
I'm fine.
[laughter]
You know, it's a really hard word to
say. This is Patrick.
>> Oh, hi.
>> Hi.
>> Yeah. This is the guy I was telling you
about. Yeah. Yeah. And believe me, this
suit does not do justice to what's
underneath it.
[laughter]
>> Okay. But thieves, I can't I'm just sort
of in the middle of something.
>> Oh, okay. Yeah, that's okay. Have a
seat.
>> You can't do that.
>> Maybe I should go.
>> Sit down. We're winning.
[laughter]
>> Okay. You know what? Maybe I should go.
>> NO, NO, NO. HAVE A SEAT. You have a
seat.
>> Rachel. Rachel, you haven't touched El's
hair. It
>> is the softest hair. touch it.
>> I'm good. Rachel [laughter] Patrick is
really rich. Give her some money.
>> You know what, Phoebe? This isn't really
worth the free massage.
>> That's right, Patrick. Bye-bye.
>> No, [laughter] Ela is much more
cooperative and he can dance. You dance
for Rachel. [laughter]
>> No, no, no. Don't dance for me, please.
Don't
matter with you guys. Okay, let's talk
it out. I [laughter]
>> Am I the only one that this is
embarrassing for? I'm a little
embarrassed. Sh.
[laughter]
>> I'll tell you who should be embarrassed.
It's you guys. Come on. This is
ridiculous. Thank you very much, but I
do not need you to give me a date.
>> Then why did she ask us to
>> I am still talking. And then you chase
away the one guy that I actually liked.
I mean, no offense to you guys. Really?
I mean, congratulations on all the cash
and and YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY WELL, you
do have very soft hair, but I would much
rather go to the ball all by myself than
go through anymore of this. Goodbye.
>> Now, do you use some sort of special
CONDITIONER ON THAT HAIR? [laughter]
>> YES. Papaya extract.
>> Thank you.
[laughter]
>> I got something important to tell you.
Guys,
[laughter]
>> guys,
>> guys.
>> I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
[clears throat]
>> I think we got to end the freeze out.
[laughter]
>> Wait a minute. Is this Is this for real?
>> Yeah. Check out the ring.
>> Oh my god.
So, you two are really serious.
>> [laughter]
>> Yeah, pretty much.
>> You You're going to get married? I mean,
>> we're going to be brothersin-law. Come
here. [laughter]
>> And and and we're going to be friends
again.
[laughter]
>> What?
>> Water under the bridge. Forget it.
>> I was going to wait till it was
official, you know, but I got so
excited. I just had to tell you guys cuz
you're my best friend. I
>> think I'm going to cry.
No more crying. Please. I just dumped
one cry baby. I'll dump you, too.
[laughter]
>> I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
>> Oh my god.
Oh my god. [gasps]
Oh, Jiller. You guys are going to be so
happy.
>> I know.
>> Where's all the tissue? [laughter]
>> Check out the ring. Oh, nice. One and a
half karat. Easy. [laughter]
>> Hey, hey, Febs. Chandler's going to ask
Monica TO MARRY HIM.
>> OH, I KNOW. I HELPED PICK out the ring.
[laughter]
>> You told her before you told us.
[laughter]
>> Well, she walked in while I was looking
at the ring brochures. You can
understand that, right?
Guys,
>> guys, let me ask you, why is everybody
using these tiny little lights nowadays?
I remember when people used to use big
lights.
>> That's a good story, Grandpa.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Wow, Monica's letting other people help
decorate her tree. Did someone get her
drunk again?
>> [laughter]
>> Having a perfectly decorated tree is not
what Christmas is about. It's about
being with the people that you love.
>> That is nice. And we're done. Tada.
[laughter]
>> I don't know what it is. Just doesn't
quite feel like Christmas to me.
>> Oh, yes.
>> See, now it feels like Christmas.
>> Hey,
>> hey, check it out. This is unbelievable.
Joey has been holding his breath for
almost four minutes.
[laughter]
>> Dude, is he trying to kill me?
>> I want to ask you something.
>> Uhhuh. What? Um, well, since I'm moving
out and and you're so beautiful, um, how
about I move in with you?
>> Well, that would be great, but then what
do we do about Denise? [laughter]
>> Who's Denise?
>> My roommate. You have a roommate? Yes.
Denise. Denise.
>> Hey, what is with the secrecy, Phoebe?
Huh? And what about this Denise? She
cute.
>> I understand. How can you have a
roommate that none of us know about?
>> Maybe because you never listen to
anything that I say. I TALK ABOUT HER
ALL THE TIME. DENISE.
>> HEY, GRACE. LISTEN. I was thinking, uh,
I'm going to have an extra room over at
my place.
>> Oh, that's true.
>> Yeah. Why don't you move in with me?
It'll be great. We could like stay up
late talking and watch movies and you
know about Naked Thursdays, right?
>> Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm going to find my
own place.
>> Hey. Hey. I thought Naked Thursdays was
just our thing, man.
>> Hi, you guys.
>> Hey.
>> Hey. What's the matter? Well, it's just
it's one of these situations that I just
hate. You know, a massage clinic gave me
three tickets to the helmet pelts
exhibit at the Morgan Chase Museum.
>> Now you're thinking you got to sleep
with them.
>> [laughter]
>> No, no, it's just that he gave me three
tickets and there are six of us.
>> I'll give up my ticket. Me, too.
[laughter]
>> Okay, that's so generous.
>> And I think Ross is generous, too.
[laughter]
>> Great. Okay, then it's just us girls.
Great.
>> Yeah. [laughter]
>> So, what what is the exhibit?
>> It's mostly just photographs of um
lesbian love scenes interspersed with
video games AND FREE SANDWICHES.
>> [laughter]
>> OH MAN, what's [laughter]
>> Hey, Ross. Listen. Chandler got you out
of going to the lesbian sandwich museum
this weekend.
>> Can we come in yet? WE'RE DYING OUT
HERE.
>> Come in. Come in.
>> You're engaged.
>> [cheering]
[screaming]
>> This is the least jealous I've ever
been.
>> Oh no, wait. No, this is wrong. Ross
isn't here.
>> Oh.
>> Oh, HILLY'S DONE THIS THREE TIMES. HE
KNOWS WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
>> OKAY, this is it.
>> Are you sure you [music] want to do
this?
[laughter]
>> Hello, MRS. BRO,
you Rachel.
[laughter]
>> Whoa. Oh my god. [laughter]
>> Come on. Leaves. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.
Hurry. Hurry.
>> Okay.
>> Oh my god. Is everybody getting married?
>> There's no running in the chapel. Hey,
don't you give me any of your Hey,
>> hey,
>> hey. [laughter]
>> What are you guys doing here?
>> Ross and Rachel left us a message saying
they were getting married. Isn't that
why you guys are here?
>> Yes, Peter, why wouldn't we?
>> Why else would we be here?
[laughter]
>> Well, what happened? Did we miss it? We
actually missed it.
>> Well, maybe you wouldn't have if you
could run in the chapel.
>> This is insane. What's the big deal? You
know, it's not like it's a real
marriage.
What?
>> Yeah. If you get married in Vegas,
you're only married in Vegas.
>> What are you talking about? If you get
married in Vegas, you're married
everywhere.
>> Really?
Oh my god.
Ah. Well,
>> hi.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, what's the matter?
>> Well, [clears throat]
you know that psychic I see?
>> Yeah. Well, she told me that I'm going
to die this week, so I'm kind of bummed
about that.
>> What?
>> Yeah. And I know you guys don't know a
lot about psychic readings, but that one
is pretty much the worst one you can
get.
[laughter]
>> That's crazy.
>> I can't believe she would say that to
you.
>> Yeah, honey. You don't believe her, do
you? I don't. She, you know, said that
I'd have triplets, but she also said one
of them would be black.
>> Just out of curiosity, did she tell you
how you're going to go? No, cuz she
didn't tell me I was going to die till
the very end of the session. And I was
not going to waste a whole other hour
there. I mean, I've only got a week
left, you know? I've really got to start
living now.
>> Hey. Hey, f. You're still alive.
>> How are you feeling? Oh, it's so
exhausting waiting for death.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, by the way, do you think you
>> thieves? What are you doing?
>> I was preparing you for my death. Didn't
you think I was dead? Did that not come
off?
>> Oh, yeah. Scared the hell out of me. I
thought we'd lost you forever.
Fibs, do you want to lie down?
>> Yeah. Thanks. And listen, can you do me
a favor? Could you just um wake me up in
a couple hours? You know, if you can.
>> [cheering]
>> Hey. Hey. Listen to this.
My reading was wrong. I'm not going to
die.
>> Really? How do you know?
>> Because my psychic is dead.
>> She must have read the cards wrong.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Better her than me.
>> Hey, let's bake cookies.
>> Hey. Hey. Hey.
>> Listen. Uh, you guys think I have a
chance with Janine? Well, honey, we have
been through this before.
>> Yeah, don't do this to yourself. She
made it pretty clear it is not going to
happen.
>> Well, all right then. I guess I
shouldn't get too excited about the fact
that I JUST KISSED HER.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. REALLY?
>> YEAH. WELL, we'll see.
[laughter]
>> You kissed her?
>> Oh, we kissed it up real nice.
[laughter]
>> So, you kissed her. So, what happened
after that?
>> I came over here to tell you guys.
So, she's just waiting over there for
you.
[laughter]
>> The pages are stuck together.
>> Chandler. [laughter]
>> Oh my god. She She made half an English
trifle and
half a shepherd's pie.
>> [music]
>> Yeah, this is so good that I'm going to
go enjoy it on the balcony
>> so I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy
my dessert.
>> I've got to call my friend Mary and tell
her how good this is from Monica's room.
>> I'll help you dial.
I'm going to go into the bathroom so I
can look at it in the mirror as I eat
it. [laughter]
>> Okay. Now, what was that all about? Is
it Does it not taste good? Let me try
it.
>> No. No.
[laughter]
All done.
[laughter]
So good.
Maybe Jan has some left. [laughter]
That tastes like feet. [laughter]
I like it.
[laughter]
Are you kidding? What's not to like?
Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good.
[laughter]
So, a bird just grabbed it and then
[laughter]
and then tried to fly away with it and
and then just dropped it on the street.
[laughter]
>> Yes. But if it's any consolation, before
the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy
it. [laughter]
>> This is my favorite part. Yeah, me too.
[laughter]
>> Oh, you know what's sadder than this?
Bambi.
I cried for three days with that movie.
No, wait, two, cuz on the third day my
mother killed herself. So, I was partly
crying for that. [snorts]
[laughter]
>> Well, see now that I can see crying
over. But Bambi is a cartoon.
>> You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
>> Yes, it was very sad when the guy
stopped drawing the deer.
>> I thank you.
Oh,
>> coffee.
[laughter]
>> What are we going to talk about? What
you guys did last night or [laughter]
what? What made last night? Nothing.
Nothing uh nothing happened last night.
>> Uhhuh. Ross invited us to all to watch.
Ra, we weren't going to miss our friends
getting married.
>> Who got married?
>> You did?
>> What? [laughter]
>> Hello? We didn't get married.
>> Married? That's ridiculous.
[laughter]
[applause]
>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. I remember being
in a chapel. Wait, they they they would
not let us get married when we were that
drunk. They'll let you get married when
you're drunk. Most people getting
married in Vegas are drunk.
>> No, I'm drunk right now.
>> I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.
I'm on vacation.
>> What are you guys going to do? Oh, I
guess we just find a divorce lawyer.
>> Well, I think I think Ross already has
one.
>> Now, this one's free, right? Because you
paid for the first two, so you get the
third one for free.
Laugh it up. But the joke's on you
because we don't need to get divorced.
Okay. We We're just going to get an
anulment. An anulment? Ross. I don't
think surgery is the answer here.
>> Oh. Oh, that's your thing.
>> What?
>> You're the thing. You know that you're
the guy who gets divorced.
>> That's not my thing.
I do not love getting divorced.
>> Yes, you do. This is your third divorce.
God, you love divorce so much. I'm
probably going to marry it and then
[laughter]
then it won't work out. So, you're going
to have to divorce it. Divorcing guy.
[laughter]
I'm so drunk. God, Joey Trivani from
Days of Our Lives just walked in here.
>> Ra, he's a friend of ours.
>> You are friends with Dr. Drake Reaore.
>> It's kind of hard to be friends with
Drake because of his busy schedule and
the fact that he's not real. [laughter]
>> Hey. Hey. Or I could bring my keyboard
here sometime.
>> He's coming. He's coming over. Joey.
>> I know. Here. Here.
>> Oh,
no. This is my friend Rachel. We went to
high school together. [laughter]
>> I
I love you on that show. No,
>> I watch you every day. I mean, when you
took out your own kidney to save your
ex-wife, even though she tried to kill
you.
>> Well, it's always nice to meet the fans.
>> She's not crazy, is she?
>> So, uh, how are you doing? [laughter]
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