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Okay. Give me a chance to win my money
back. Okay. Sudden death, one goal,
$1,000.
>> You serious?
>> Oh, yes.
>> Okay. Get ready to owe me.
>> Okay.
>> Okay. Here we go. Ready?
[Music]
I can't
[Music]
[Music]
no
one can beat me.
>> See, now that's why only the little fake
men are supposed to do the kicking.
Who sold the story to Archie Comics?
>> Oh my god, that's so great. Oh wow,
you're a publish writer. I wish I had a
present for you.
>> Wait a minute.
>> My last kid could get more.
>> You want to share it?
>> Okay. Okay.
>> Hey. Hey. Okay, Jenn. Look, I know
you're mad, but I just want to say I'm
sorry. I I was a total jerk. Completely
o over the line. I I just I hate pulp,
you know. I You know how Monica feels
about low-fat mayonnaise.
>> Not mayonnaise.
>> It's my favorite part.
>> Yeah, me too.
>> Oh, you know what's sadder than this?
Bambi.
>> I cried for three days with that movie.
No, wait, two, cuz on the third day, my
mother killed herself. So, I was partly
crying for that.
Well, see now that I can see crying
over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
>> You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
>> Yes. It was very sad when the guy
stopped drawing the deer.
>> I'm doing okay. I think it's going well.
Do you think they're having fun? Am I
talking too fast?
>> Nope. Sound like me.
>> It is going great. Look at Chandler with
little baby girl Chandler.
>> Little baby girl Chandler. Where have I
heard that before? All right, Coach
Ruben.
You know what, Feebs? Uh, when you're
done over there, we've got a kind of
situation over here, too.
>> Nuh-uh. No, we are all responsible for
our own babies.
>> See, that's where I think that you're
wrong. You We've been playing these
babies manto man. We should really be
playing a zone defense.
>> What do you mean?
>> I just think things will go a lot
smoother if we each have our own zone.
You know, Phoebe, you can be in charge
of wiping
and you know, man, you can be in charge
of diapering and I can be in charge of
looking how cute they are when they put
their hands.
>> That sounds really great, but maybe you
should be in charge of wiping.
>> Okay, I'm a rookie. I should not be in
the end zone.
I got something important to tell you.
>> Guys,
>> guys.
Guys,
>> I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
>> I think we got to end the freeze out.
>> Wait a minute. Is this Is this for real?
>> Yeah. Check out the ring.
>> Oh my god.
So, you two are really serious.
>> Yeah, pretty much.
You You're going to get married? I mean,
we're gonna be brothersin-law. Come
here.
>> And and and we're gonna be friends
again.
>> What?
>> Water under the bridge. Forget it.
>> I was going to wait till it was
official, you know. But I got so
excited. I just had to tell you guys cuz
you're my best friend. I
>> think I'm going to cry.
>> No more crying. Please. I just dumped
one cry baby. I'll dump you, too.
I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
>> Oh my god.
Oh my god.
>> Oh, Jiller, you guys are going to be so
happy.
>> I know.
>> Where's all the tissue?
[Applause]
[Music]
>> Check out the ring.
>> Oh, nice. One and a half karat easy.
Hey, hey, Febs. Chandler's going to ask
Monica to marry him.
>> Oh, I know. I helped pick out the ring.
>> You told her before you told us.
>> Well, she walked in while I was looking
at the ring brochures. You can
understand that, right?
Guys,
guys, got you the Joey special. Two
pizzas.
Joe.
Hello. Damn it.
Hello. No, Joey's not here right now,
but I can take a message. I think
he's still got a chance for the part.
Oh, that's great news. Well, no,
obviously not for the actor who was
mauled by his dog.
Oh, well, that's great. I will give Joey
the message. Thank you. Yes.
Okay.
Mac
audition
at two.
Allergy
actor
attacked
by dog.
Not
flowers.
>> Hey,
>> please tell me you got the message.
>> What message?
>> The actor playing Mac couldn't do it.
They needed to see you at 2:00.
>> What? It's 6:00.
>> I wrote I wrote it on the board. I wrote
it on the board and then I went all over
New York City looking for you. I went to
Ross'. I went to the coffee house. I
went to any place that they make
sandwiches.
>> I can't believe this, Chandler. I'm
>> sorry. I I I don't know what to say.
>> Well, you you might say,
"Congratulations.
I saw the board. I went to the audition.
I got the board."
>> Is that supposed to be funny? I was
really worried over here.
>> Oh, well,
>> you know, sometimes that fake out thing
is just mean.
>> Oh, wow. Okay, man. I'm sorry. I did not
mean to make you feel bad.
>> Well, that's good because you didn't.
And I'm incredibly happy for you.
>> That's mean.
>> You really had me going there.
>> We could do this all day.
>> Yeah, you're right.
>> So sorry. Please stop freaking out.
>> I'm not freaking out.
Why would I be freaking out? A woman
named Hildy called and said we were
getting married, but that happens every
day.
Honey, we were at this beautiful place
and I I I just put our names down for
fun. I mean, what's the harm in that?
>> Right here, Mom.
>> Chandler, please don't think I was
trying to pressure you. Phoebe and
Rachel just thought that
>> Phoebe and Rachel. So, the people that
knew about our wedding before me were
you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and
apparently some band called the
Starlight Magic 7, who are available, by
the way.
It was a mistake. Please don't take this
to mean anything because it doesn't.
>> Okay.
>> Really?
>> Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything
because you know that I'm just not
ready.
>> I know.
>> I know.
>> Okay.
All right.
>> I'm going to go tell Joey that that
you're back. He's really worried about
you.
Hey, did she buy it?
>> Totally.
>> So, did Hildy show you the place?
>> Yeah, it's beautiful.
>> Yeah.
>> I can't believe you're going to ask
Monica to marry you.
>> I know.
[Applause]
>> You know that girl you went to college
with who who became a movie director?
>> Oh, yeah. Dana Keystone. She was in my
movement class.
What's a movement class?
>> It's Chandler's way of pretending he
didn't take mime.
>> Oh, well, listen. Anyway, she's
directing the new Al Pacino movie. You
got to get me an audition.
>> Oh, I don't know, man. I haven't talked
to her in like 10 years.
>> Oh, no. No. Please, please, Chandler. I
I would owe you so much.
>> You do owe me so much.
>> You owe me 3,000.
>> Why are you changing the subject? What?
>> Will you make the call or what?
>> Okay, I'll I'll try.
>> All right. Thanks. You're the best. Now,
listen. The last day of auditions is
Thursday. Okay. So, I got to get in
there by Thursday. Okay. Just remember
Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember
Thursday?
Yeah. So, Tuesday.
Thursday.
Look, if you need help remembering, just
think of it like this. The third day.
All right. Monday, one day. Tuesday, two
day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day?
Thursday.
The third day. Okay.
>> Thank you. Okay. This is the 9 millionth
ring store we've been to and I can't
find the perfect ring. Ugly ring. Ugly
ring. Ugly ring.
It's a beautiful selection.
Okay. So, maybe you don't get her a
ring. Maybe you maybe you do something
different, you know. Maybe you get her
an engagement bracelet, you know, or an
engagement tiara or oh, an engagement
revolutionary war musket.
You know, I'm so glad I picked you to
help me with this.
>> Can't you just imagine getting down on
one knee and handing her this gorgeous
piece of weaponry?
>> Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.
I'm going to be moving out, man.
>> Wow.
Oh. Uh, hey, really happy for you guys.
Congratulations. See you later.
>> Hey, Julie, are you okay?
>> Yeah, I've got to go. Well, I've got an
acting job.
>> Like, you believe that?
>> This sucks.
>> Look, I'm I'm just going to be right
across the hall. And I promise you, the
minute Monica and I break up, I'm moving
right back in with you.
Okay? Look, look, look. Uh, if you're
going to be moving in with him, I feel
that it is my responsibility to tell you
the truth about him. Okay? He's a
terrible roommate. Terrible. He uh
forgets to um he always he always uh Oh,
my kid needs the best roommate ever.
The most beautiful engagement ring ever.
>> Yeah, well, you should know. You bought
like a billion of them.
>> Yeah, you didn't get one.
>> Okay. Well, tonight's the big night.
>> Hey, listen. How you going to ask her?
>> It is going to be perfect. I am taking
her to her favorite restaurant. I'm
going to get her a bottle of the
champagne that she really loves,
therefore knows how expensive it is.
Then when the glasses are full, instead
of proposing a toast, I'm just going to
propose.
>> It sounds perfect.
>> You're going to mess it up. Let me do
it.
>> I'm not going to mess it up.
>> If she says no, can I have the ring?
>> She's not going to say no.
>> If
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
Give it.
>> It's gone.
>> Phoebe.
>> I'm not moving.
>> We're practically kissing.
>> Okay.
Alison, I'm going to be moving out. So,
you are going to be in charge of paying
the rent,
>> right? And when does that do?
>> First of the month.
>> That's every month.
>> No, just the months you actually want to
live here.
>> Okay. Here's the phone bill.
>> Oh my god.
That's our phone number.
>> Well, look, I know I kind of sprung this
whole me moving out on you thing, so why
don't I just I just cover you for a
while. No, no, no way. Joey Tribani does
not take charity
anymore.
>> It's not charity, Joe.
>> I don't know. Forget it. Okay. I mean,
thanks, but I'm done taking money from
you. All right. I could take care of
myself now. What's next? Come on.
>> Okay. Uh, here's the electric bill.
>> This is how much we pay for electric.
>> Well, yeah.
[Applause]
>> So, we'll do the rest of the bills
later, then.
Hey, what are you doing here? Shouldn't
you be at work?
>> Uh, they sent me home. They said I can't
work if I'm sick.
>> Oh, I'm so sorry that you're sick.
>> I'm not sick.
>> I don't get sick. Getting sick is for
weeklings. It's for pansies.
>> Honey, no one thinks that you're a
pansy. But we do think that you need a
tissue.
>> I have not been sick in over 3 years.
I'm going to grab you some tissue. I
>> I don't need a tissue. I'm fine.
>> When you put a D at the end of fine,
you're not fine.
>> I'm fine.
I'm fine.
You know, it's a really hard word to
say. Okay. So, what do you what do you
want to do? Let's do something crazy.
>> I know. Let's rest and drink lots of
fluids.
Okay, I'll rest. But you know, if I'm
going to bed, then you're coming with
me.
>> See, that would be impossible to resist
if you weren't all
drippy here.
>> Are you saying that you don't want to
get with this?
[Laughter]
>> Yeah, I don't think you should say that
even when you're healthy.
Come on.
>> Don't take this personally, okay? It's
just that I just can't have sex with a
sick person now.
>> I'm with you, Chandler. I mean, I can't
have sex with a sick person either, and
it's disgusting. But I'm not sick. Let
me prove it to you.
We are two healthy people and the bribe
of lime.
>> See, that's the thing. I would like to
stay in the prawn madler.
>> Oh, what is it, honey? You need some
tea? Some soup?
>> Calling Dr. Big. Dr. Big to the bed.
>> Oh jeez, honey. I thought I thought you
were asleep. How could I be asleep
knowing that you were the next room?
>> I was asleep.
>> Oh, no. No, no, honey. You know what's
sexy? Layers.
>> Layers are sexy and blankets are sexy
and Oh, hot water bottles are sexy.
>> Come on, get it to bed. I want to prove
to you that I'm not sick. I want to make
you feel as good as I feel.
Please get some rest.
>> I'm fine.
[Laughter]
>> Oh my god,
[Applause]
Chandler.
And all my life
I never thought I would be so lucky
is to fall in love with my best.
My best.
There's a reason why girls don't do
this.
>> Okay. Okay. I'll do it. I thought
I can do this.
I thought that it mattered what I said
or where I said it.
Then I realized
the only thing that matters is that you
you make me happier than I ever thought
I could be.
And if you let me,
I will spend the rest of my life trying
to make you feel the same way.
>> Monica,
>> will you marry me?
>> Yes.
[Applause]
[Music]
I knew you were likely to take a wife.
>> Can we come in yet? We're dying out
here.
>> Come in. Come in.
>> You're engaged.
This is the least jealous I've ever
been.
>> Oh, no. Wait, no. This is wrong. Ross
isn't here.
>> Oh, Hel's done this three times. He
knows what it's about. Okay,
>> Chandler.
>> Okay.
>> And your horoscope says on the 5th, a
special someone is going to give you a
gift.
>> Oh, well, thank you in advance.
Oh, but the 12th brings a lover's spat.
>> You're going to make a joke about my
special present.
>> Why would you do that?
>> Oh, wait. And on the 19th, a secret
crush announces itself.
>> Hey guys. Hey.
>> Oh my god. It's Joey Tribion of Mac and
Cheese.
>> Oh, that's right. It's your first day.
So, are you psyched to fight fake crime
with your robot sidekick?
>> Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV
series? I've dreamed about this for
years.
Why have I not been preparing?
>> No, Joey. You're going to be great.
>> But I got to act with a robot, thieves.
And And I don't know anything about
technology. I can't even use Chandler's
computer to find porn.
And And that's only cuz it's right there
when you turn it on.
I think our lover's spat will start a
little early this month.
>> I'll be waiting.
>> Hi. Hey.
>> So, uh, Estelle, line up a bunch of
auditions for me tomorrow and I'll have
my health insurance back in no time.
That's great. But shouldn't you be on a
toilet right now?
>> What? What's wrong with you?
Nothing. Well, I I I got this blinding
pain in my stomach when I was lifting
weights before and then I uh passed out
and uh haven't been able to stand up
since. But uh I don't think it's
anything serious.
>> This sounds like a hernia. You have to
you go to the doctor.
>> No way. Hey, look. If I'm going to go to
the doctor for anything, it's going to
be for this thing sticking out of my
stomach.
That's a hernia. Might have to start
working out again.
>> Damn you 15s.
>> Dude, some guy just called for you.
>> Who wasn't?
>> I don't know. How about thanks for
taking the message? Jeez.
>> Hey, listen. You know, when you move in,
Rachel's room's going to be empty. You
want to talk about what we want to do
with it?
>> Sure.
>> Okay. I was thinking we should have a
beautiful guest room, right? with um a
mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables
with flowers on it all the time. And
then we can have like a roll top desk
with little comment cards so people can
tell us how much they love staying here.
>> Whatever. You know, I really haven't
thought about it that much.
>> Well, I like that idea obviously,
but I was thinking maybe maybe it could
be a game room, you know? I mean, you
can buy old arcade games like uh like
Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200.
The real ones, the big big big ones.
No.
>> Okay. So, you mean no as in G Chandler?
What an interesting idea. Let's discuss
it before we reject it completely.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
Yes. Interesting idea. Um, talk about
it. But no.
>> So, that's it.
>> I just don't think that, you know,
arcade games go in the beautiful guest
room. The beautiful guest room is going
to be filled with antiques,
>> which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's
the oldest game.
>> What do you have against the beautiful
guest room?
>> Nothing. I don't have anything against
the beautiful guest room, especially
since everybody that we know lives about
30 seconds away.
>> Are you mocking me?
>> No, I'm not mocking you or your
beautiful giggling.
>> Hey, what's up?
>> Not that Monica and I had a stupid
fight.
>> But you're still moving in together,
right? because my ad came out today.
>> Wanted female roommate, non-smoker, non-
ugly.
>> Nice.
>> I just figured, you know, after living
with you, it'd be an interesting change
of pace to have a female roommate, you
know, someone I could learn from.
Someone someone who's different than me.
And what's more different than me, a guy
who's not 19, than say a girl who is 19.
Not just a hat rack, my friend.
>> Actually, I I should get going.
>> Oh, no, no, stay. Stay because you you
should you you should stay.
>> Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I
just I don't feel that way about you.
>> Oh, no, no, no. That's not No, no, no.
>> I'm sorry, Chandler. You know, you are
such a sweet guy and I I don't want to
hurt you. Oh, I I wish there was
something I could do to make you feel
better.
>> No. Well, really,
>> of course.
>> Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh
>> Oh, I'm sorry.
>> Well, maybe there is one thing you can
do.
>> What? Anything. Anything.
>> Well, u I mean, this is just off the top
of my head now. Um,
but I have this friend, uh, this actor
friend, and he would kill me if he knew
that I was doing this. Um, but,
um, would it be possible for him to get
an audition for your movie, say, on
Thursday?
>> Absolutely.
But
you you'd really feel better about me
rejecting you if your actor friend can
audition for my movie?
>> Well, the heart wants what it wants.
I'll see you later.
I don't want to hang out with you guys
two nights in a row. I'm so sorry.
>> Wh Why did she not want to hang out with
us?
>> Because she uh she she thinks that you
are blah
and and that uh you Monica are uh too
loud.
>> What?
>> What?
>> So she was just pretending to have a
good time last night. She was lying to
our faces.
>> I can't believe this. I mean, who is she
to judge us? We could not have been
nicer to her.
>> And I am not blah. I am a hoot.
>> No, come on. Please, please, you guys
don't don't be mad. I'm sure she just
she just said that stuff because she was
nervous cuz you guys are like my best
friends, you know, and it was our first
date. Plus, she's really sick.
>> No, you she No, you said you made that
up.
>> I know. But don't you think the sick
thing is way better than the play thing?
>> They're both good. I generally just go
with Monica's drunk again.
>> Come on, you guys. Come on. Please,
please, just give her another chance.
Huh? She'll come around. I promise.
>> Of course, we will. Come on. We got to
make dinner.
>> Okay.
>> I do not like that woman.
>> I can hear you.
I am loud
>> in the kitchen. I will look in the back
closet.
>> I can save you time, ladies. I'm right
here.
>> Yeah, Chandler, why don't you take a
walk? This doesn't concern you.
>> We are looking for our Christmas
presents for Monica.
>> What? That's terrible.
>> No, no, we do it every year.
>> Oh, well, that that makes it not
terrible.
>> No. Yeah, we never find them. She's
always bested us. That wy minkx.
Yeah, don't worry. We're just going to
search here for an hour and then we're
going to go over to Joey's and search.
Okay.
>> No, not okay. You can't look for
Monica's presents.
>> Oh, no, we have to.
>> No, you don't have to. And you can't
because I I live here, too.
>> Well, then you should look with us.
>> Why?
>> Chandler, aren't you worried about what
to get Monica for Christmas?
>> No. I have a great idea for a present
for her.
>> Oh, that's it. A great idea. I guess
>> Chandler, that's not enough. I mean,
what if she gets you a great present,
two medium presents, and then a bunch of
little presents, and you've just gotten
her one great present? I mean, that's
just going to make her feel bad. Why
would you do that to her, Chandler? Why?
Why?
>> If I helped, we could find him faster.
>> That's right.
[Music]
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