By
Viewed
1,736,461
Please choose the correct answer for each question below:
Questions: 0/899
Correct: 0
Translate:
He's coming here for Thanksgiving.
I know. It's sick. Why is it sick?
Because it's Richard's son. It's like
inviting a Greek tragedy over for
dinner.
Hey, come on, Phoebe. You understand,
don't you?
Yeah, I could see where I'd be your best
shot, but no.
Sorry, honey. I think it's twisted.
Yeah.
What's twisted?
Me going out with Richard's son.
Ew.
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Sounds like a really bad idea to me.
Is he okay in there?
He's fine.
Hey, you know, man, if things work out
between you and Richard's son, you'll be
able to tell your kids that you slept
with her grandfather.
Fine. Judge all you want to, but married
a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell
in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a
girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a
box.
Go first.
Okay.
Okay.
Welcome to America.
[Applause]
All right.
[Music]
Oh my gosh.
Two in a row. You got to use your
tongues now.
What are the odds? What are the odds?
Okay, that that's enough. You know, let
let's let someone else play.
Hey, if you didn't want to play, then
why'd you come to the party?
Hey, you guys, check it out. Check it
out. Guess what job I just got?
I don't know. But Donald Trump wants his
blue blazer black.
What? Blue blazer back. He He wants it
back.
But you said black. Why would he want
his blue blazer back?
Well, you you you know what I meant.
No, you messed it up.
You're stupid.
Oh my god. No. Shoot. Kitty. No, no, no,
no. Shoot. Come on, you. Come on. Crazy.
Oh my god.
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
What? What's wrong?
I just
I just have this really strong feeling
that this cat is my mother. You
mean the mom you met in Monttok, she was
a cat?
No, no, no. She was a human lady. This
is the spirit of my mom, Lily, the one
that killed herself.
Are you sure she's in the cat or have
you been taking your grandma's glaucoma
medicine again?
No, Dr. Skeptismo.
I'm sure. First of all, okay, there's
the feeling.
Okay. And for another, how about the
fact that she went into my guitar case,
which is lined with orange felt.
My mother's favorite fish was orange
ruffy.
Cats like fish.
Hi, Mommy.
Oh, I haven't seen this smile in 17
years.
Dude, Phoe's mom's got a huge P.
Let it go.
I'm selling. Let me ask you one
question. Do your friends ever have a
conversation and you just nod along even
though you're not really sure what
they're talking about?
[Music]
I'm telling you, it's totally
unconstitutional.
I totally agree.
I think he deserves a Nobel Prize.
No,
I mean it was like the Algangquin kids
table.
Excuse me. I'm sorry. You haven't said
anything for about 2 and 1/2 minutes.
Are you at all interested?
Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
We can't go now. It looks like Rachel's
going to put on a skit.
Oh my god. Have you lost your mind?
No, no, no, no, no, no. I am finally
thinking clearly.
My lucky dress wasn't working out too
well for me. But for 4 years, this baby
never missed. Rachel, I cannot I can't
let
Actually, I kind of want to see what
happens.
Hey.
Hey.
Nice uh costume.
Oh, yeah. But I wanted to give Emily a
big American goodbye cheer. So, okay.
Ready? Okay. Give me an E.
E.
Give me an M.
M.
Give me an I.
I.
Give me an L.
L.
Give me a Y.
Y.
What do you get?
Emily.
Emily.
Okay, that's me who's a cheerleader.
Tada.
Fine. I'm fine. I just lose your tooth.
It's no big deal. I have a dentist, you
know. I'm going to open up to my side.
Excuse me.
Okay. What do I do now? What do I do
now?
I think you're done.
Okay. Time to take off the bra.
[Laughter]
Uh, that was really uh great.
But I I got to take off. Actually,
take off.
All right. Come on. Let's go get your
coat.
Okay.
Rachel is my girlfriend.
Gentlemen, you're up first.
Okay. Okay. You have 30 seconds.
The lightning round begins. Stop it.
Now, what was Monica's nickname when she
was a field hockey goalie?
Big fat goalie.
Correct.
[Laughter]
Rachel claims this is her favorite
movie?
Dangerous leaison.
Correct. Her actual favorite movie is
Weekend of Bernie.
Correct.
In what part of her body did Monica get
a pencil stuck at age 14? Who?
Ew. No.
Her ear.
All right. Monica categorizes her
towels. How many categories are there?
Everyday use. Fancy guest. Fancy guest.
Two seconds.
11.
11. Unbelievable. 11 is correct.
Yes.
All right. That's four for the guys.
Ladies, you're up.
Come on.
30 seconds on the clock. Five correct
questions wins the game. The lightning
round begins now. What is Joey's
favorite food?
Sandwiches.
Correct.
Chandler was how old when he first
touched a girl's breast?
14.
No, 19.
Thanks, man.
Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
His name was Maurice.
Correct. His profession was
space cowboy. Correct.
What is Chandler Bing's job?
Oh gosh. This has something to do with
numbers and processing. Well, it carries
a briefcase.
10 seconds. You need this or you lose
the game.
It's um it has something to do with
transponding.
Oh. Oh. Oh. He's a trans trans monster.
That's not even a word.
I can get this. I can get this.
[Applause]
Oh, he he can't talk right now.
Why not? What's going on?
Well, he's he's trying to show Joey how
much he means to him.
By being in a box.
Joey had reasons.
They were three-fold.
Oh, well, uh,
you not being able to talk might
actually make this easier.
Listen, um,
listen,
I don't want to be someone who comes
between two best friends.
I just I can't stand seeing what this is
doing to you guys and I don't want to be
the cause of that. So,
I don't think we can see each other
anymore.
I'm going to go to my mom's in Chicago.
I'm going to stay there for a while.
I think this could have been something
really amazing,
but you know, this is probably for the
best.
You know,
I'm going to miss you.
Goodbye, Chandler.
Open the box.
All right. There's a nuclear holocaust.
I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go
out with me?
I've got canned goods.
Hey guys, take a look at this. Check
this baby out. Dug me a hole.
Excellent hole, Joe.
Oh, no. No. My hole.
What?
What? What? What is it?
Jellyfish sting. Ow. It hurts. It hurts.
It hurts.
Can we help you? You want us to take you
back to the house?
It's like 2 miles.
Yeah. And I'm a little tired from
digging the hole.
Oh, damn the jellyfish.
Damn all the jellyfish.
I got to do something.
Well, there's really only one thing you
can do.
What? What is it?
You're going to have to pee on it.
What? Rose,
don't blame me. I saw it on the
Discovery Channel.
You know what? He's right. There's
something like uh ammonia in that that
kills the pain.
Well, forget it. It doesn't hurt that
bad.
If you want some privacy, you can use my
hole.
Pass the cheese, please.
My god, you can't even look at me, can
you?
Nope.
Hey, it's Phoebe. We can talk to Bi.
No, I'm I'm too depressed to talk.
I'll give you $1,000 to talk to us.
Hey you guys, what do you what do you
think about making that beach trip an
annual thing?
No.
All right, that's it. You guys, what
happened out there?
What? We took a walk. Nothing happened.
I came back, but nothing all over me.
Come on. What happened, Joey?
All right.
No, Joey. We swore we'd never tell.
They'll never understand.
We have to say something. We have to get
it out. It's eating me alive.
Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
All right.
All right.
I got stung.
Stung bad.
I couldn't stand. I I couldn't walk.
We were 2 miles from the house.
We were scared and alone.
We didn't think we could make it.
I was in too much pain.
And I was tired from digging the huge
hole.
[Applause]
And then Joey remembered something.
I'd seen this thing on the Discovery
Channel. Wait a minute. I saw that on
the Discovery Channel. Yeah. About
jellyfish and how if you
either
I thought I was going to pass out from
the pain.
Anyway, I I tried but I I couldn't bend
that way.
So,
[Applause]
that's right. I stepped up.
She's my friend and she needed help.
If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
only uh I couldn't.
I got the stage fright.
I wanted to help, but there was just too
much pressure. So So I uh I turned to
Chandler.
Joy kept screaming at me, "Do it now. Do
it. Do it. Do it now."
Sometimes late at night I can still hear
the screaming.
That's cuz sometimes I just do it
through my wall to freak you out.
[Music]
Can't find garbage bags.
Oh well, I think I saw some in here.
What is it?
I don't know. But maybe if we keep that
drawer shut, it'll die.
[Applause]
We're living here.
What? What is it?
Did you see the size of the closets?
I can't believe we live here.
A
The flight leaves in 4 hours. It could
take time to get a taxi. There could be
traffic. The plane could leave early.
When we get to London, there could be a
line at customs. Come on.
6-hour trip to London. That's a lot of
Monica.
Passport check. Camera check. Travelers
checks check. Who are you saying Chuck
to? Myself. You know, for remembering to
pack the thing. You do a good thing, you
get a check.
My mom does it. I never realized it was
weird.
Hey, my mom used to put her head in the
oven.
Actually, she only did it the one time.
That it's pretty weird.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Are you ready yet?
Yep. You got the tickets?
Oh, got them right here. Check.
It's all London, baby. Here we go.
You got your passport? Yeah, in my third
drawer in my dresser. You don't want to
lose that ass.
Oh, there it is.
Sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring
my friends all kinds of crap.
Said all you need is to write them a
song. Now, you haven't heard it yet, so
don't try to sing along.
No, don't sing along,
Monica.
Monica,
have a happy Hanukkah.
Saw Santa Claus. He said hello to Ross.
And please tell Joey
Christmas
[Music]
and Rachel and Chandler.
[Music]
Happy holidays everybody.
[Music]
What the hell is that?
[Music]
What the hell is that? Is that you?
Oh
boy, you are really not a morning
person.
Back off.
Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.
Get up.
What is that noise?
You.
It's the chick. She's going through some
changes.
What kind of changes? Well, the vet
seems to think that she's becoming a
rooster.
We're getting a second opinion.
Hi.
Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?
Well, Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his
mouth.
15? Your personal best.
So, where were you?
Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on
the train going to a museum upstate.
Oh, yeah. How'd you meet her?
Museum.
No. Answer his.
Okay. It was just me and her at the back
of the train and I sat near the door so
she'd have to pass by me if she wanted
to like switch cars. She was totally at
my mercy.
Were you so late because you were
burying this woman?
Well, I'm getting back now because she
lives in Pikipsy. She seems really
great, but she's like 2 and 1/2 hours
away. Well, how can she be great if
she's from Pikipsy?
Okay, that joke would have killed in
Albany.
Done. I did it. Huh? Who's stupid now,
huh?
Wrap all of your Christmas gifts.
No.
I uh Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh orange
juice every morning
with extra pulp.
Yeah.
No,
I've got it.
You don't have it.
I so got it. There's going to be rumors
about this. There's no way to stop it.
Sophie knows. Monica and Phoebe know.
How do Monica and Phoebe know?
Oh, I called them.
When they ask me what I saw, I can be
very generous
or very stingy.
Go on.
I could make you a legend.
I can make you this generation's Milton
Burl.
And Milton Burl has
Oh, not compared to you.
Hello.
Hey.
Hello, Chandler.
I love you.
Hey, what's going on?
Oh,
no. He doesn't
2 hours that lasted.
Okay, it's ready.
Come on.
What's ready?
Just come.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Hey, beautiful.
Oh, did you what did you work for two
days straight?
Pretty much.
What What do you think of the floor?
I don't know. It looks the same.
You used to have carpet.
Oh, yeah.
So, I I made snacks.
Please just hang out. Okay. I'm I'm just
going to rest my eyes for just a little
bit.
Come on. Do you want us to uh come back
later?
Oh, no. No, no. Stay stay. Just keep
talking.
I am always the hostess.
I'm going to put my sweats back on.
Oh, no. Wait. Wait. Okay. You know what?
You were right. You were right. We
really weren't great at being guys. But
do you know why? Because we're girls.
Yeah.
Okay. Do you know what girls are really
good at?
Stripping.
No. Listening. Sit.
You know, maybe just would really really
help if you would just talk. Yeah. Come
on. What's going on in there?
Yeah, you know, if you want to cry,
that's okay, too.
Okay, look. I'm going to have to ask you
all to leave.
Come on, Chandler.
No, look. Look, forget it. We tried, but
phase three is a lost cause. Okay, those
strippers were insanely hot, and I
couldn't picture myself with any of
them.
They really were pretty, weren't they?
You know, I really like that fighter
pilot one.
Oh, Candy. Oh, she was so spunky.
Yeah, you know, I think if I were going
to be with a woman,
it it'd be with someone like Michelle
cuz she was she was just so petite.
See, I don't know. For me, it would have
to be Shantel.
Oh, Shantel, you know. Oh my god, this
She had the smoothest skin. I mean, when
I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string
and grazed her thigh,
I just achieved phase three.
Really?
I am totally picturing you with all
those women.
That's That's not phase three.
Well, I'm there, too.
Well, aren't we all together like in a
group?
Stop it. They're killing me. I think I
just moved on stage four.
What is that? What is that?
Where? I don't want to have a
relationship ever. I just want to have
sex with strippers and my friends.
Hi.
Hi. Listen, can we watch cartoons on
your television? We need a porn break.
We spent the last two hours watching In
and Out and In again.
So, why don't you just turn it off?
Because then we'd be the guys who turned
off free porn.
Oh, good. You're here.
Hi. What'd you get there? Oh, this.
Well, I'm glad you asked.
Now, don't you hate it when you have to
cut a tin can with an ordinary steak
knife?
Now, I know what you're thinking.
Pregnant woman slays four.
Maybe they didn't make you pay for those
knives, did they?
No.
Are you sure?
No.
Honey, you're not going to make enough
money to help Frank and Alice just by
selling knives.
No. No. I know that, but I'm just need
to make enough money for the second part
of my plan. What's the second part of
your plan?
My Saturn dealership.
You don't have to stop having fun just
because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on
all of you.
Well, except you.
[Laughter]
Hey, Joey. I don't think that you should
leave Chander alone. I mean, it's only
been two days since you broke up with
Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next
week.
Look, there's nothing I can do for him
right now. He's still in his sweatpants.
That's only phase one.
I'll be back for phase two. I would
never miss phase two.
What's phase two?
Getting drunk and going to a strip club.
How does going to a strip club make him
better?
There are naked ladies there.
Oh, and it helps him get to phase three,
picturing yourself with other women.
There are naked ladies there, too. Yeah.
Would you give me one minute, please?
Guys, what what should I wear to a
Knicks game?
Uh, a t-shirt that says I don't belong
here.
You have Knicks tickets?
Yeah, my mom got my dad season tickets
in the divorce, so she just gave them to
me. Yeah, apparently they're they're
pretty good seats.
Oh my god, those are almost right on the
floor.
Do you guys want these?
Yeah, we do. We
Oh, well, you got him.
All right,
just give us our apartment back.
Oh, I didn't see that coming.
Are you serious?
Oh, come on. We know what these are
worth.
What? Do you think we're stupid?
Not stupid. You're meaner than I
thought.
What do you say?
Forget it. Okay. Hey, I'm not giving up
my bachelor pad for some basketball
seats.
Your bachelor pad? Have you even had a
girl up here?
No,
but uh Joey has and I usually talk to
them in the morning time.
Yeah, you do.
[Music]
Come on. Yes. Gunther, could I get two
cups of Chino, please?
Good one.
Come on. Season tickets. Season tickets.
You know what that means?
Forget it. Okay, I'm not giving up the
apartment.
Oh, look. When I was a little kid, my
dad's company gave season tickets to the
number one salesman every year. All
right. My dad never won.
Of course, he wasn't in the sales
division, but still. I never ever ever
forgot that.
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
It's too hard. Too hard.
All right, boys. Last chance for the
tickets. Otherwise, I give them to my
new boyfriend, Joshua.
No, thank you. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. Come on. Come on. Let's trade. The
timing's perfect. I just clogged the
toilet.
Look, I want those basketball seats as
much as you do. Okay. But we can't live
in the small apartment after we've lived
here. Didn't you ever read Flowers for
Alenon?
Yes.
Didn't you ever read Sports Illustrated?
No, I didn't read yours.
Well, come on. We can go to the game
tonight.
Look, the only way I will even consider
this is if they offer a lot more than
just season seats.
But it's the Knicks.
Go the Knicks.
Whoa.
I didn't mean that. I just meant that
the apartment is worth so much more.
And the Nicks rule all.
Yeah, the Nicks rule all.
Hey, so are you going to do it?
No. No, we're not going to do that. You
know why? Because it's not an even
trade.
All right. Okay. Look, what if you could
keep the apartment and get the tickets?
Done.
Let me finish
talking about a bet. Winner takes all.
Oh, we could end up with nothing.
Or you can end up with everything.
Oh, I like that.
All right. So, what do you say?
No.
Just do it.
Oh. Oh, I'm convinced.
Come on, man. You know I do it for you
because you're my best friend.
All right, but you can't use that again
for a whole year.
I'm in.
So exciting.
Oh god. What are you going to bet?
Oh, okay. Well, I think we should let
Phoebe decide because she's the only one
who's impartial and she's so pretty.
Okay. Um
Oh, I have a game.
Oh, this is great.
What's the game? What's the game?
Um, well, it doesn't have a name. No.
Okay. Phoebe Ball.
No, it doesn't have a name. Um, okay.
Monica, what is your favorite thing
about trees?
They're green.
Good. Good. Five points. All right.
Great.
All right. Joey,
same question.
Uh, oh. H. They're tall.
Three points.
Both fine answers, but we were looking
for Leafy. Leafy.
That's not even a game. Shut up. We're
winning.
You want to finish this right now? All
right. We get a deck of cards. High card
wins. What do you say?
Fine. Let's do it.
Oh, I have cards. Oh, good.
Yeah. Here. Oh, no. These are the trick
deck.
Okay. Here. Yes.
Okay.
Okay. You guys uh you guys pick first.
Okay. Okay.
Or
that's a low one. Okay.
Right. Phoebe, you look. I can't do it.
What makes you think I can?
Ace.
Why are you screaming and hugging?
Well, because we want our apartment
back.
What? Ace is high. Jack, queen, king,
ace.
No. Ace is low. Ace, two, three, four.
I don't know.
Look it.
All right. Come on. Let's pick again.
Pick again.
All right. Give me Give me Give me.
Okay.
Okay.
Come on, apartment. Come on, apartment.
I know. Queen is high.
Not as high as
it worked. King.
We pick again. We pick again.
Why?
I don't know.
Tickets, please.
That's courtside, baby.
Seriously. Good game, though. Good game.
What are they so mad about? They got the
apartment back.
No, they didn't.
Those are like the best seats ever. Oh,
yeah. Hey, should we give these shirts
to the girls? You know, kind of like a
peace offering. Oh, yeah. It's very
nice. Plus, you know, they were free and
they're too small.
Oh. Oh, God.
Hey, you want a beer?
[Music]
[Applause]
Open up. Open up. Open up.
We'll discuss it in the morning.
What the hell is going on?
We took our apartment back.
I had nothing to do with it.
Okay. It was my idea, but I don't feel
good about it.
We are switching back right now.
No, we're not. We're not leaving.
Well, you're going to have to leave
sometime because you both have jobs and
as soon as you do, we're switching it
back. There's nothing you can do to stop
us, right, Joe?
I don't know.
What? I don't want to move again. And
I don't care. This is our apartment. And
they stole.
You stole
our apartment. We won that apartment
fair and square twice and I am getting
it back right now. I'm getting it back
right now.
All right.
We figured you might respond this way.
So, we have a backup offer.
Oh, no. No, no, no more offers. You
can't offer anything to us.
Let us keep the apartment.
And as a thank you,
Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
Totally worth it.
That was one good minute.
Good night.
Good night.
Men are such idiots. No.
Can you believe something that stupid
actually got us our apartment there?
It's so funny to think if you had just
done that right after the last contest,
no one would have had to move at all.
Let's pretend that's not true.
Yeah.
You guys have any wrapping paper?
Oh, is it for my birthday present?
Feebs. It was your birthday like months
ago.
Yeah, but remember you said you ordered
something special. It just hadn't come
yet.
Well, I have a call in about that.
Okay.
Actually, this is for uh Kathy's
birthday. It's an early edition of her
favorite book. Oh, the velvetine rabbit.
Oh my god. When the boy's love makes the
rabbit real.
Okay, but don't touch it because your
fingers have destructive oils.
Well, then you better keep it away from
Ross' hair.
So, this is pretty rare. How did you get
that?
Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to
a couple of bookstores, talked to a
couple of dealers, called a couple of
the author's grandchildren.
That's so sweet.
Yeah. And what a great way to say I
secretly love you. roommates's
girlfriend.
It doesn't say that,
does it?
How do you think it's going to look when
you get her something incredibly
meaningful and expensive and her
boyfriend Joey gives her an orange? They
make you take an oath.
No, I made myself take one. Yeah. No
fooling around with clients. And um
always be prepared.
Yeah, that one's actually from the Boy
Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Why don't you just give them to somebody
else?
No, I can handle it. No, I'm a
professional.
Oh, Fibs, is that a new ankle bracelet?
Well, and you got a pedicure. Your feet
are all dressed up.
Because that's the only part of you he
can see when he's on the table.
You're going to do some feet flirting.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Then how do you explain the tow ring?
Because it's Arabian princess day at
work. Okay, leave me alone. Can't
believe my brother's getting married and
in London. I mean, it's just it's so
romantic.
Hey, pretty smart. Tissue paper. You're
at the wedding. You have to cry.
Handkerchief. No, no. I got my
invitation.
Oh, look. Isn't this adorable? Ross, let
Ben address mine.
Hello. Hey.
Hey. Hey. Did you get your invitation to
Ross' wedding?
No.
Oh, don't worry, man. I get to bring a
guest. We'll show him.
So jealous you're all going. I can't
believe I never knew that you can't fly
in your third trimester.
I didn't know that either.
I knew that.
So, didn't know that, but you should see
your faces.
Hi guys. What's up?
Hey. Hey. Hey, thanks for hanging out.
What's this? Is this Ross's wedding
invitation?
See, maybe that's the one we should have
actually hidden.
Oh, no. No. You guys, come on. You don't
have to do that. I'm I'm happy for him.
I am. I really I'm I'm h I I'll work on
it.
I'm sorry, honey.
You're going to come though, aren't you?
Oh, honey, I don't know. I
This isn't one of those uh you know, if
she doesn't come, we we don't we don't
come, right? Because I already bought my
ticket.
[Music]
Related Songs