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you are falling fast
asleep deeper deeper deeper you are now
completely asleep you don't need to
smoke cigarettes don't control you you
are strong confident woman who doesn't
need
to a strong Confident Woman
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
hey hey
hey and this from the cry for Health
Department are you wearing
makeup yes I am as of today I am
officially Joey triani actor/model thank
you that's so funny cuz I was thinking
you look more like Joey triani man/woman
what we for well you know those posters
for the city free clinic oh wow so
you're going to be one of those healthy
healthy healthy guys you know the asthma
guy is really
cute do you know which one you're going
to be no no but I hear lime disease is
open so you
know good luck man I hope you get it
thanks well you were right how can they
do this to us huh it's
Thanksgiving okay I tell you what how
about if I cook dinner at my place I'll
make it just just like moms will you
make the mashed potatoes with the
lumps you know they're not actually
supposed to I'll work on the
lumps Joey you're going home right yeah
and I assume Chandler you're still
boycotting all the pilgrim
holidays yes every single one of
them and pH you're going to be with your
grandma Yeah and and her boyfriend but
we're celebrating Thanksgiving in
December cuz he's lunar
Mona okay if I were a salmon shirt where
would I be
I am so sorry I spilled wine all over
your shirt oh it's okay no it's still
wet you know what let me get it out
before it sets oh I have something you
could
wear here
oh I don't know if I want to wear a
woman's
shirt no no that that's a man's shirt a
pink
[Music]
[Laughter]
oh my God Ross
hello Ros what are you doing not
touching myself if that makes anyone
less uncomfortable sting just a little
bit please I have an extremely high
threshold holy mother of God
oh my face my face
oh I'm all right I'm all right I'm all
right just a uh bit of shock is all but
uh I'll be fine you can go again I'm
okay Dam Dam it woman
no hey hi hey you guys uh I need some
fashion advice
oh how does this
look well it's it's a little low pick it
up a
little a little bit more a little bit
more there you
go now throw it away
come on this looks good Ross please
trust me I buy 30 fashion magazines a
month now I don't know who's running for
president or who that NATO guy is but I
do know that you have to get as far away
as you can from that
hat damn it I have this date tomorrow
night and I have to look cool well you
know if you want fashion help Rachel and
I are going shopping tomorrow you're
more than welcome to come with us right
really that would be great I I mean I
have to do something she kind of teased
me about how I dress like cu see why
nice
shirt you're wearing the same
shirt stupid gap on every
corner wow this place is awesome you
know what we should just go I'm not
going to find anything here this stuff
is ridiculous oh this place is
great wow rage come on I'm not going to
wear any of this nothing silver okay
nothing with hair and nothing with
padlocks on it course look look I know
that some of the stuff is out there but
I mean come on look at this look at this
sweater I mean this is just beautiful
wow this is really
soft
$350 down from 700 you're saving like
200
bucks both logic and math are taking a
serious hit
today hey check this out it's totally
you wow yeah
huh oh actually this this looks pretty
good
yeah boys will be
boys what they will be all right that's
it I'm getting M of no no no Russ wait
come on all right you know what there's
other stuff here so some nice shirts
look at these these nice pants H
actually these these might look pretty
good on me yes they will you know what
you should do just go take a walk all
right I know your size and I'm going I'm
going to pick out some really good stuff
for you really yes and I know what looks
sexy on guys please just wear what I
suggest and she is going to go nuts for
you so you're saying uh if I wear these
pants I might be getting into
hers why do men keep talking to me like
this some really great stuff yeah yeah
but I'm not sure about some of the bras
I got oh really do you want to try some
of them on for me oh
okay wait are we in Joey's
imagination oh no I took one of Ross's
bags by mistake and one of mine is
missing oh well Ross probably has it you
can get it from him
later so what do you
think think we're not wearing the same
shirt
anymore yeah yeah Rachel picked it out
for me she told me to trust her and you
know what I'm glad I did I turned quite
a few heads on my way over
here dude I really don't think you
should be wearing
that oh I see somebody's afraid of a
little competition with the
ladies looks like someone is the
ladies you're just jealous because you
couldn't pull this off yeah now if
you'll excuse me I have a
date see all eyes on
[Applause]
me wow this place looks great oh you are
going to love it and I'm so glad we're
finally doing this me too here
[Laughter]
so this was
fun hi my name's Chandler I just moved
in next door and I was wondering if
you'd be interested in battling me in a
post-apocalyptic world for control of
the Galaxy's last remaining energy
source it's your name
baby so she need around uh no she's at
dance class can I check out what she did
with my room yeah but hey look don't go
through her stuff she gets really
mad oh my God what is it's like a guy
never lived in
here look you got to be careful this
girl thing is dangerous it's spreading
already it is is this your pretty pink
pillow on the
couch no is that your tiny little box
that's too small to put anything
in no no okay this is not good you you
are a guy okay this is a guy's place if
you let this go you're going to be
sitting around with your fingers soaking
and
stuff all right all right you're right I
I'll talk to her yes talk to her be a
man I'm a man defend
yourself jander come on we have to H the
new dust ruffle be right there
sweets totally different situation now
Joe you know that since you're returning
all of this stuff after the audition
you're going to have to wear
underwear all right right well you
better show me some of that too
then okay it's missing
something oh I know um
okay really a purse it's not a purse
it's a shoulder
bag looks like a woman's purse no Joey
look trust me I'm telling all the men
are carrying them in the spring catalog
look see look men carrying the bag see
look women carrying the
bag but it is odd how a woman's purse
looks so good on me a
man exactly unisex maybe you need sex I
had sex a couple days
ago oh no Joey you and I
sex I ain't going to say no to that
hey
hey wow you look just like your son Mrs
triani what are you referring to my
man's
bag at first I thought it just looked
good but it's practical too check it out
it's got compartments for all your stuff
your wallet your keys your address book
your
makeup Joey what are you doing with the
bag your audition's not till tomorrow
yeah but sandwich time is right
now Joey you know you get any mustard on
that bag you can't return it why would I
return this I love this bag all right
well then you owe me
$350 fine do you take Vasa or muster
card Joey all right relax look I'll pay
you with the money from the acting job I
am definitely going to get thanks to you
what's the part ATI
M don't listen to them I think it's sexy
you and I
sexy hey I'm off to my audition how do I
look I think you look great Joey that
bag is going to get you that part and a
date with a
man you know what make fun all you want
this is a great bag okay and it's say
handy as it is
becoming now just because you don't
understand something doesn't make it
wrong all right so from now on you guys
are going to have to get used to the
fact that Joey comes with a
bag anytime you're ready
Joey well you must be new here if we get
a table I buy you a drink I'm sorry
could you could you try it without the
purse yeah sure
well you must be new here maybe we
sit I'm sorry can I ask you something
sure what well first it's not a
purse okay anytime I mean if if you're
thinking it's a woman's bag it's not
it's a man's
bag okay and
go I let me show you the
catalog look see huh it's the latest
thing everyone's got one men women
children everyone's carrying them um do
you sell these
bags oh no no no no no these babies sell
themselves okay thank you that was great
yeah but I didn't even read anything I
think we've seen
enough okay all right I'll see you we
got it we got
it and done oh my
God I didn't thing hey are you still
looking for a job cuz you could tweeze
circles around that sadistic at
the
salon thanks you want to see what it
looks like yeah
yeah hey they totally match they look
great look great how you
doing yeah yeah I think it looks pretty
good I was a little bit worried that I
was uh uncovering a birth mark right
about there but it turned out to be a
little piece of
chocolate well hey Chandler thank you so
much no problem listen uh that a pretty
girly hour we just spent we should
probably do something manly make up for
it
yeah grow my eyelash
yeah hey guys hey sweetie ready to go
yeah sure oh I left my purse up at
Monica's I'll be right back wait a
minute
on
ooh o
well that one kept
going so you and Phoebe huh how long you
been going out over a month wow maybe uh
maybe you and I ought to get to know
each other a little better sure I'd like
that yeah so
uh what's your
name it's Jake Joey Hey Jake uh do you
like the Knicks yeah big fan me too
there's a game on Tuesday you want to go
yeah that'd be great let me make sure
I'm not doing anything
[Applause]
[Music]
Tuesday Hey listen you know how uh when
you wearing pants and you lean forward I
check out your underwear
yeah well when Jake did it I saw that he
was wearing women's underwear I know
they were mine
oh no no wait that's
weird no it's not we were just goofing
around and I dared him to try them on
that's weird I'm wearing his briefs
right now that's kind of
hot I think so too and that little flap
great for holding my
lipstick yeah I wouldn't know about
that and know Jake says that women's
underwear is actually more comfortable
and he loves the way the silk feels
against his skin yeah well next thing
you know it be telling you that your
high heels are good for his
posture there is nothing wrong with Jake
okay he is all man I'm thinking even
more than you oh yeah you look like a
real Lumberjack in those pink
Lacy I'm just saying that only a man
completely secure with his masculinity
could walk around in women's underwear I
don't think you could ever do that hey I
am secure with my masculinity okay
whatever you've seen my huge stack of
porn right
hey fees
hey check it
out
[Applause]
huh how much of a man am I wow n nice
manly and also kind of a
you know I'm beginning to see what
Jake was talking about the silk feels
really good yeah and and things aren't
as smashed down as I thought they were
going to be it's great Joe yeah and you
have so many more choices than you do
with men's underwear bikini French cut
thong and and the Fabrics you got cotton
silk lace and you know what I've always
wondered about panty hoes you know the
way they start your tow and then they go
all the way up
to I should go take these off shouldn't
I I think it's important that you
do feel better yeah
much listen uh not that I'm insecure
about my manhood or anything you know
but uh I think I need to hook up with a
woman like right now yeah I understand
yeah okay
hey hi hi you you look familiar do I
know you from somewhere I don't think so
oh maybe it's because I'm on
television I'm an actor on Days of Our
Lives wow really mhm 450 please oh let
me get this
these are for
you
hi you uh wanted to see
me
yeah uh here is a box of your
stuff what uh you know it's just like
hats and shirt and CDs just sort of
stuff that you've left here what are you
doing are you are you trying to hurt me
or
something
no
Ross it just seems that you know it's
time we you know move on I mean don't
you
think yes yeah yes I do good yeah I I I
really
do
hey this this was a gift Ross you got
that for free from the museum gift shop
it's still a gift I got it from the gift
shop okay all right give me the mug I'll
keep the mug no you know you know what
don't do me any favors in fact
where where's the rest of my stuff huh
like like my um hey this book is
mine and and and and that t-shirt you
sleep in I'd like that back too yes I do
you know how much I love that t-shirt
you never even wear that t-shirt I'm
just trying to help you move
on oh you are a petty man you are a
petty petty petty petty
[Laughter]
small you are so just doing this out of
spite a no no no I'm I'm going to wear
this all the time I love this
shirt you have not worn that t-shirt
since you were 15 it doesn't even fit
you anymore oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh
okay
okay now if you don't mind I'm going to
take the rest of my
stuff and
relax in my favorite
shirt you have a a pleasant
evening these little
women
wow you're liking it huh oh yeah Amy
just burned Joe's manuscript I don't see
how he could ever forgive
her um Joe's a girl it's short for
josephin but Joe's got a crush on Lori
you mean it's like a girl girl thing cuz
that is the one thing missing from the
shiny know actually Lorie is a
boy no wonder Rachel had to read this so
many
times
what Beth is really really sick a
Joe's there but I don't think there's
anything she could
do Joey yeah you want to put the book in
the
freezer okay okay Janice likes to cuddle
at night which you know I'm all for but
uh you know when you want to go to sleep
you want some space so uh you know how
do I tell her that without you know
accidentally calling her fat or
something oh honey I'm sorry we can't
help you there cuz we're cuddly
sleepers okay I'm laid for work oh all
right are you guys going to come down uh
yeah yeah I'll I'm right behind you okay
good luck Chandler thank you Rachel bye
sweetie
byeone okay the sleeping
thing very tricky business but there is
something you can do I thought you guys
were cly sleeping no
no not cuddly not me just her I'm like
you I need the
room okay come
here okay you're in bed
yeah I'm going to use the
cushion okay you're in bed she's over on
your side cuddling now you wait for her
to drift off and then you hug her and
roll her over to her side of the bed and
then
you roll
away hug for
her roll for
you okay the old hug and roll y okay one
question shoot you're pretending the
pillow's a girl right
[Music]
wo Die Hard still
great hey what do you say we make it a
double feature what else did you inent
die hard
too Joey this is die hard one
again but we watch it a second time and
it's die hard
to Joey we just saw it and and it would
be cool to see it again yeah
Die
Hard dude you didn't say die
hard is everything
okay yeah I just got I got plans well
John mlan had
plans now you see the thing is I want to
get out of here before Joey gets all
worked up and starts calling everybody
what are you talking about
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what happened I don't know you fell
asleep that is all yeah yeah
yeah all right well uh I better go yeah
I think that would be best
all right I'll talk to you later okay
but not about this no never
never so uh
uh bye no touch no
[Music]
touch hey just uh brought back your
videos uh hey uh Ross look uh I think we
need to talk about before no no we don't
yes we do now look that was the best nap
I ever
had I I don't know what you're talking
about come on admit it that was the best
nap you ever
had I've had
better okay
when all right all right it was the best
nap ever I said it okay but it's over
Joey I want to do it
again we can't do it again why not
because it's
weird
fine you want something to drink sure
what do you got warm milk and Excedrin
[Applause]
PM boy I'll tell you that judging stuff
took a lot out of me yeah yeah think
about maybe going upstairs and taking a
little nap on my
couch why why would I care about
that no reason I'm just saying that
uh that's where I'll be
[Applause]
[Music]
great nap it really was
[Applause]
dude what the hell are you
doing excuse me
what you doing having a
swim what about the
chick chicks don't swim are you
sure I don't
know should we try
sure see I told you they don't
swim come a minute
no oh it's okay it's okay baby baby
[Applause]
baby wow I I don't know what to
say what do you say I don't
know it's a bracelet isn't it and it's
engraved too check it out to my best
best
bud thanks best
bud put it on oh
now no no I think something this nice
should be safe for a special occasion oh
no no that's the beauty part it goes
with everything you put this on you're
good to
go oh man you are so wearing that
bracelet I so
am we're in a virtual snow storm of
confetti here
inare you go
kids and then the peacock bit
me please kiss me at
midnight you seen Sandy o uh I don't
know how to tell you this but uh she's
in Monica's bedroom getting it on with
Max that scientist
geek oh look at that I didn't know how
to tell
you everybody the ball is ding
what the ball is
ding it'll be midnight and the moment of
joy is upon
us looks like that no date pack thing
worked
out everybody looks so happy I hate that
not everybody is Happy hey
Bobby 1 happy New
Year you know I uh just thought I'd
throw this out here I'm no math whz but
I do believe there are three girls and
three guys right here
M oh I don't feel like kissing anyone
tonight I can't kiss anyone so I'm
kissing everyone no no no you can't kiss
Ross that's your brother oh yeah that's
oh perfect perfect so now everybody's
going to kiss but me all right somebody
kiss me somebody kiss me it's midnight
somebody kiss somebody kiss me it's
midnight it's
[Music]
[Applause]
one you got to pick a pocket or two
boys you've got to pick a pocket for you
[Music]
lovely just lovely really thanks listen
Joey we definitely want to see you for
the call back on Saturday
excellent I'll be there okay and listen
don't forget to bring your jazz shoes
for the dance
audition my uh my agent said that it
wasn't a dancing part oh Joey all the
rolls got to dance a little but believe
me with your dance background it'll be a
piece of cake
three years of modern dance with Twi
Tharp 5 years with the American Ballet
Theater hey everybody lies on their
resume okay I wasn't one of the zoom
kids
either can you like dance at all yeah I
can dance you know
oh no no no
no what what is that sure it looks
stupid now there's no music
[Music]
playing uh Joey Joey
triani listen Joey I got a problem I
just got a call from my dance Captain
he's having a relationship crisis and
can't get out of Long Island so does
that mean the audition's off listen Joey
seeing as you've got the most
experience I want you to take these
dances and teach him the
combination what oh Joey come on it's
easy you know it's hand hand head head
up big turn here
R slide back step step and jazz hands
it's a Steepy step in jazz
hands have
fun
bye all right let's do it
[Applause]
no no
no what was
that I know it's the best I could get
out of
him well people people people
people let's try it again and this time
let's everybody watch
Joey show them how it's
done count it off m
[Music]
[Applause]
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