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STURGIS:
I'd like to end
today's lecture
with a hilarious
physics joke.
Why didn't the photon
pack a suitcase?
He was traveling light.
Sheldon.
Ha, ha.
Thank you.
Class dismissed.
Well, our conversation
about my paper
resulted in a very
productive couple of days.
I completely rewrote the
whole thing from scratch.
Exciting. I know credits are
usually listed alphabetically,
but I'm completely fine
with my name going second.
Sheldon, I've worked
on this paper for years.
I'm not putting your name
on it at all.
But I helped you.
You did, but you didn't
cowrite the paper with me.
Is that so?
Yes, it is.
Well, this is an outrage.
After all the help
I've given you,
and I don't even
get credit?
Well, of course you are.
You're getting a special
thanks in the footnotes.
No one reads the footnotes.
I do.
Well, I do, too,
but that doesn't mean
I want to be in them.
Sheldon,
that's where people get
recognition for helping.
Oh, you mean the help
of using my math
to convert your hazy series
of meanderings
into a well-formed
scientific thesis?
I think you're overstating
your contribution.
Well, I think you should be
wearing a black ski mask
because you're trying
to rob me blind.
Well, if anyone should be
wearing an odd piece of apparel,
it should be you
wearing a baby bonnet,
because that's how
you're behaving.
(gasps)
Ready to go?
Very!
It's a good thing she showed up,
because I do not
have a comeback.
Darn it. When he called me
a baby, I should've said,
"Then I guess you needed a
baby's help to fix your paper."
Very clever.
Turn the car around.
We're halfway home.
It's not that clever.
Why aren't you being
more supportive of me?
Sheldon, John is a lot of
things, but he's not a thief.
So you're on his side.
I'm not.
So you're on my side.
For the sake
of this car ride, sure.
Okay, here's the plan.
End your relationship
with Coach Ballard,
date Dr. Sturgis again,
get him to love you
more than ever,
then when he least expects it,
break his heart and say,
"That's for Sheldon."
Great plan.
You think so?
For the sake
of this car ride, sure.
So shiny, aren't you, now?
(door opens, bell jingles)
Hello. Remember me?
Ah, I thought you were gonna
take your business elsewhere.
Well, lucky for you,
I believe in second chances.
(grumbles)
Now, I know that you don't have
girl baseball trophies in stock,
but could you have one
made special?
Sure.
Great.
A custom mold
is 50 bucks,
and it takes six weeks.
I'm not paying you $50
for a trophy.
And I don't have six weeks.
Well, does your daughter
look like a horse?
Maybe she'd like this.
I knew all that God talk was
covering something really evil.
I am trying to make
a special trophy for Missy.
So I'm gonna take this head
and put it on that body.
Whatever you say,
Dr. Frankenstein.
(sighs)
My daughter deserves
to have a trophy
that looks something like her.
So this is kind of
a feminist gesture on your part.
I prefer to think of it
as a maternal gesture.
Let's just split the difference
and call it
the stuff of nightmares.
It'll look better
when I paint it.
I don't think so.
(chuckles softly)
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