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♪
Let's go. Let's go.
We're gonna be late!
ADULT SHELDON:
Fun fact-- the first time
I almost died was
at the age of nine.
The murder weapon?
A Jimmy Dean sausage.
(choking quietly)
Mom, Sheldon's
making faces at me.
Sheldon!
ADULT SHELDON:
In fairness to Mr. Dean...
-Honey!
-...this one morning, I decided
to forgo my normal
20 chews per bite,
as prescribed by the
American Medical Association.
George, help!
Come here, boy. We got it.
We just got to smack it out.
ADULT SHELDON:
To further complicate matters,
in any real-life crisis,
my family's default mode
is mindless panic.
Sheldon's gonna die!
Sheldon's gonna die!
ADULT SHELDON:
Or heartless apathy.
MARY:
Oh, my Lord.
Here we go.
This is how you do it.
-Here we go. And we shake.
-Honey!
ADULT SHELDON: It's interesting
the things you think about
when life is ebbing
from your body.
For instance, linoleum.
What is it, really?
Plastic? And if so, how is it
different from Formica?
I'm calling 911.
ADULT SHELDON:
And what about Count Chocula?
How is he a count?
Did the title come with land?
George, Heimlich!
(grunts)
ADULT SHELDON:
They say, in the final moments,
your life passes
before your eyes.
All I saw was my brother
licking jelly off the knife
and putting it back in the jar.
(Sheldon grunts, coughs)
Okay, it's better now. Sheldon!
-(raspy gasping)
-Honey. Are you okay?
Can you breathe?
Say something!
You have to... throw
away... that jelly.
(panting)
I've never been late
to school before.
I'm late all the time.
It's no big deal.
I get you to school on time
every day. Why are you late?
I have a lot of people
to say hi to in the morning.
SHELDON:
Mom,
would you write a note for me?
Sure.
You have the coolest excuse.
You almost died.
Did you see Jesus?
I saw Count Chocula.
But feel free to mention
my brush with death in the note.
All right, that's enough
talk about death and dying.
I came this close to
having my own room.
♪
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