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[whistles]
Oh, Rich, we're running low on resumes
over here.
>> Do you really want a job with popular
mechanics?
>> Well, if you're going to work for
mechanics, those are the ones to work
for. [laughter]
>> Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for
anything here, okay? I cannot be a
waitress anymore. I mean it. Sick of the
lousy tips. Sick of being called excuse
me. [laughter]
>> Bridge, did you proofread these?
>> Uh, yeah. Why?
>> Uh, nothing. I'm sure they'll be
impressed with your excellent computer
skills.
>> Oh my god.
Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
>> Oh, no. I'm sure the Xerox machine
caught a few. If anything else opens up
please. Hello.
Hello.
Sorry. Ra.
Where were we? Oh, okay. Five card draw.
Uh, jacks are better. Nothing wild.
Everybody antie.
>> Look, mage, we don't have to do this.
>> Yes, we do.
>> All right. Check.
>> Check. I'm in for 50 cents.
>> Call.
>> I'm in.
I see your 50 cents and I raise you
$5.
I thought uh it was a 50 cent limit.
>> Well, I just lost a job and I'd like to
raise the bed five bucks. Does anybody
have a problem with that?
>> Phoebe Fatty.
>> Hey, Chandler. Why so fancy?
>> Well, I got a job interview. It's kind
of a big deal, too. It's a lot more
money. And I'd be doing data
reconfiguration and statistical
factoring.
>> Wait, I think I know someone who does
that.
>> Me? I do that.
[laughter]
>> So, seriously, do I do I look okay? I'm
a little nervous.
>> Oh, yeah. Hey, you really you look
great.
>> You know, just don't get your hopes up.
[laughter]
>> Why not?
>> Well, the interview.
>> What about it?
>> You know, you don't make a very good
first impression.
>> What?
>> Oh, you don't know? [laughter]
>> Are you serious?
>> Yes. Um, when I first met you, you were
like blah blah blah blah. I was like,
shh.
>> What is it that I do? Well, it's just
like you're trying too hard. Always
making jokes. You know, you just you
come off a little needy.
>> Did you like me when we first met?
>> Chandler, I'm not going to lie to you.
>> But I am going to run away from you.
>> Hey, you feeling better?
>> Yeah. I think that fifth shower actually
got the interview off me.
>> So, do you have any other possibilities?
>> Oh, yeah. Well, there is the possibility
that I won't make rent.
>> Well, if you want, I can lend you some
money. No, no, no. Cuz if I couldn't pay
you back right away, then I'd feel
guilty and tense every time I saw you.
>> Oh, okay. Well, then why don't you uh
why don't you borrow it from mom and
dad? You feel guilty and tense around
them already. You might as well make
some money off of them.
>> Can you see my nipples through this
shirt? [laughter]
>> No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're
still there.
Where are you going, Mr. Sudy man?
>> Well, I have an appointment to see Dr.
Robert Pilman, career counselor. Agogo.
>> I added the agogo.
>> Career counselor.
>> Hey, you guys all know what you want to
do.
>> I don't
>> Hey, you guys in the living room all
know what you want to do.
>> You know, you have goals. You have
dreams. I don't have a dream.
>> Uh, the lesserk known I don't have a
dream speech.
Oh, I love my life. I love my life. Oh,
Bryant song.
>> Meeting with that guy went great.
>> So great. He showed me where the
restaurant's going to be. It's It's this
cute little place on 10th Street. It's
not too big. It's not too small. It's
just right.
>> Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman
and some bears?
>> You know that girl you went to college
with who who became a movie director?
>> Oh, yeah. Dana Keystone. She was in my
movement class.
What's a movement class?
>> It's Chandler's way of pretending he
didn't take mime. [laughter]
>> Oh, well, listen. Anyway, she's
directing the new Al Pacino movie. You
got to get me an audition.
>> Oh, I don't know, man. I haven't talked
to her in like 10 years.
>> Oh, no. No. Please, please, Chandler. I
I would owe you so much.
>> You do owe me so much. [laughter]
>> You owe me 3,400.
>> Why are you changing the subject? What?
>> Will you make the call or what?
>> Okay, I'll I'll try.
>> All right. Thanks. You're the best. Now,
listen. The last day of auditions is
Thursday. Okay. So, I got to get in
there by Thursday. Okay. Just remember
Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember
Thursday? [laughter]
Yeah. So, Tuesday.
Thursday.
Look, if you need help remembering, just
think of it like this. The third day.
All right. Monday, one day. Tuesday, two
day. Wednesday. When? Huh? What day?
Thursday. [laughter] The third day.
Okay. Hey,
>> everybody, stop what you're doing. I
need envelope stuffers. any stamp
liquors?
>> Well, hey, who did these resumes for
you?
>> Me on my computer.
>> Well, you sure used a large font.
>> Uh, yeah. Well, uh, waitress at a coffee
house and, uh, cheer squad co- captain
only took up so much room. [laughter]
>> Hey, that's funny. You're funny,
Chandler. You're a funny guy. You know
what else is really funny?
>> Something else I might have said.
[laughter]
>> I don't know. I don't know. Weren't you
the guy that told me to quit my job when
I had absolutely nothing else to do?
[laughter]
>> Just me to calm down. It's going to be
okay.
>> No, it's not going to be okay, Ross.
Tomorrow is my last day and I don't have
a lead.
Okay, you know what? I'm just going to
I'm just going to call Gunther and I'm
going to tell him I'm not quitting.
>> Well, you you you don't want to give
into the fear.
>> You and your stupid fear. I hate your
fear. I would like to take you and your
fear.
>> Hey, I got great news.
>> Run, Joey. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
>> TULSA, I am taking you for a great
dinner at Slim Pickins.
>> So cheesy. [laughter]
Whole hog.
It's going to be tough to keep kosher in
Tulsa.
[laughter]
>> Hi, Nancy. Hi, it's Monica Geller. I'm
good. Listen, I'm I'm looking for a job
in Tulsa.
Yeah. Well, my husband's been relocated
because I love him. [laughter]
No, no, I I don't I don't want a job in
New York. Ju's looking. Oh my god.
He asked for me personally. Oh my god.
[laughter]
Oh wow. This is really really
flattering. But um I'm I'm moving to
Tulsa. Yeah. So, just if you would tell
Ja Vu. Um, I'll take it.
>> Oh, good. You're here. Okay.
>> Hi. What you got there? Oh, this. Well,
I'm glad you asked.
Now, don't you hate it when you have to
cut a tin can with an ordinary steak
knife? [laughter]
>> Now, I know what you're thinking.
>> Pregnant woman slays four.
>> [laughter]
>> Evie, they didn't make you pay for those
knives, did they?
>> No.
>> Are you sure?
>> No.
[laughter]
>> Honey, you're not going to make enough
money to help Frank and Alice just by
selling knives.
>> No. No. I know that, but I'm just need
to make enough money for the second part
of my plan.
>> What's the second part of your plan?
>> My Saturn dealership.
>> Hey, Mr. Costick. How's life on the 15th
floor?
>> Yeah, I miss you, too. Yeah, it's a lot
less satisfying to steal pens from your
own home, you know.
Well, that's very generous. Uh, but
look, this isn't about the money, you
know? It's just I need something that's
more than a job. I need something I
really care about.
And that's on top of the year- end bonus
structure you mentioned earlier.
>> Look, Al, I'm not playing hard ball
here, okay? This is not a negotiation.
This is This is a rejection.
No, no, no. Stop saying stop saying
numbers. I'm telling you, YOU'VE GOT THE
WRONG GUY. YOU'VE GOT THE wrong guy.
I'll see you Monday,
>> man.
>> What the hell just happened?
>> I am so so sorry. I was going to do it
really. But then I was standing there
with $327 in one hand and $238 in the
other hand. And I was thinking, "Wow,
it's been a long time since I had
$327 plus $238."
>> Joey, we had a deal. Well, that that's
why you're here. I've got to fire you
>> and I got to pay rent.
>> Look, how how about this? You don't fire
me. Instead, I stay here. I gain their
trust and then they'll start listening
to all the nice things I've been saying
about you.
>> Kind of things you've been saying.
>> Well, nothing yet. They really hate you,
and I want to fit in.
>> Oh my god, that's my boss. You have to
seat us somewhere else.
>> I'm sorry. That's always Mr. Campbell's
table.
>> But, but my boss cannot see me. I'm
interviewing for another job.
>> Rachel,
>> I'm on a date.
>> That's great.
>> Yeah, it is. Dad, you know, it's tough.
Single mom career, you got to get out
there.
>> Well, you've got a good energy.
>> Rachel.
>> Yes. Hi,
>> James Campbell. Hi.
>> Hi.
>> Excuse us,
>> please.
>> Okay.
Oh, well, he's cute.
>> So,
your resume is quite impressive.
>> My resume?
I wouldn't I wouldn't call my my online
dating profile a resume. [laughter]
>> Dating profile? No, I'm I'm talking
about the work resume. [screaming]
>> Whatever happened to just singing for no
reason?
>> [laughter]
>> Maybe people found it weird.
[laughter]
>> So,
why do you want to leave Ralph Lauren?
>> What? I I don't
>> You don't?
>> No, I I love I love it there.
>> Well, if you don't want to leave, why
are we having this lunch?
>> What?
>> You go, boss.
>> Hey, how'd the interview go? It's not
good.
>> You know, I always feel that way after
an interview. I'll bet it went better
than you think.
>> Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and
I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
>> That is a bad interview. [laughter]
>> What are you What are you talking about?
How'd this happen?
>> Well, my boss was at the same restaurant
where I was having my interview and he
heard everything. So, later he calls me
into his office and he tells me that
he's going to have to let me go because
I'm not a team player. And I say, "Wait
a minute. No, yes, I am." And then I had
to sit there for 45 minutes while he
proved that that in fact was true.
[laughter]
>> Oh god, I'm so sorry.
>> Hey, what
what's this? [laughter] It's a It's a
bottle of champagne. Why is this here,
>> Ross?
>> I guess it's here because I got tenure.
>> Congratulations.
>> Congratulations. This is the single
greatest day of my professional career.
Gunther, six classes.
>> Six? You want me to join you?
>> Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five is
good. [laughter]
I'm going to have a lugie in my coffee
tomorrow. [laughter]
>> Ooh, Israeli champagne.
And it's vanilla. [laughter]
>> I got tenure. I didn't win the lottery.
>> Hey, Rich. So, uh, how did your thing
go? Oh, it's good. Yeah, but I'm not
going to hear about that for a couple of
days.
>> Oh, you know what? You're going to get
it. I I I I can feel it.
>> Can you? [laughter]
>> Well, everybody, here's to Ross.
>> And And to years of hard work finally
paying off.
>> And to knowing that your career doesn't
mean everything,
>> but also knowing it means a lot.
[laughter]
>> But more importantly, to full
well-rounded lives
>> that center around work. two.
[laughter]
>> You know what the best part about this
is? I can never be fired.
>> Oh god.
>> No, seriously. I have job security for
life. You know, I I never have to worry.
Oh. Oh, look at look how happy you are
for me.
>> Oh, it's not that. I got fired today and
I didn't get the other job.
Ra, I'm so sorry.
>> Oh,
>> great. I feel like an idiot.
>> No, it's okay. You didn't know.
>> Oh, [snorts]
little heads up would have been nice.
Joey
got you the Joey special. Two pizzas.
Joe.
Hello. Damn it. [laughter]
Hello.
No, Joey's not here right now, but I can
take a message. I think [laughter]
>> he's still got a chance for the part.
Oh, that's great news. Well, no,
obviously not for the actor who was
mauled by his dog.
Oh, well, that's great. I will give Joey
the message. Thank you. Yes.
Okay.
Mac
audition
at two.
Allergy
actor
attacked
by dog.
Not
flowers. [laughter]
>> Hey,
>> please tell me you got the message.
>> What message? The actor playing Mac
couldn't do it. They needed to see you
at 2:00.
>> What? IT'S 6:00.
>> I WROTE I WROTE IT ON THE BOARD. I WROTE
IT ON THE BOARD AND THEN I WENT ALL OVER
NEW YORK CITY LOOKING FOR YOU. I went to
Ross's. I went to the coffee house. I
WENT TO ANY PLACE THAT THEY MAKE
SANDWICHES.
>> I can't believe this, Chandler. I'm
sorry. I I I don't know what to say.
>> Well, you you might say,
"Congratulations.
I saw the board. I went TO THE AUDITION.
I GOT THE PART.
>> [laughter]
>> IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? I was
really worried over here.
>> Oh, well,
>> you know, sometimes that fake out thing
is just mean.
>> Oh, wow. Okay, man. I'm sorry. I did not
mean to make you feel bad.
>> Well, that's good because you didn't.
And I'm incredibly happy for you.
>> That's mean. [laughter]
You really had me going there. Oh,
>> we could do this all day.
>> Yeah, you're right.
>> I have something you can do. I have this
new massage client, Steve.
Anyway, um he's opening up a restaurant
and he's looking for a head chef.
>> Um hi there.
>> Hi. Oh, yeah. No, I know you're a chef.
I know. And I thought of you first, but
um Chandler's the one who needs a job
right now. So,
>> yeah. I just don't have a lot of chefing
experience [laughter] unless it's an all
toast restaurant.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Well, what kind of food is
he looking for?
>> Well, he wants to do something eclectic.
So, he's looking for someone who can,
you know, create the entire menu.
>> Oh my god.
>> Yeah, I know. So, what do you think?
>> Thanks, Feeb. I just don't really see
myself in a big white hat.
>> Okay.
>> Oh, Monica, guess what?
>> The airport, huh? You know, that's over
30 miles. That's going to cost you about
so bucks. Excuse me. That's $50 bucks.
>> What? $50.
>> Oh, you know what it is? It's smudgy cuz
they're fax pages. Now, when I was on
Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remor,
they'd send over the whole script on
real paper and everything.
>> That's great. And and and just so you
know, if you wanted to expand this
scene, like like have the cab crash or
something, I could attend to the victims
cuz I have a background in medical
acting.
>> Okay, listen. Thanks for coming in.
>> No, no. Uh don't thank me for coming in.
Uh at least let me finish.
>> Uh we could take the expressway, but uh
this time of day you're better off
taking the budge.
[laughter]
You were going for the word bridge
there, weren't you?
>> I'll have a good day.
>> I got a job in advertising.
>> Honey, that's incredible. Gosh, what's
the pay like?
>> Oh, come on, people.
Come on now. If I don't know who makes
the most, how do I know who I like the
most? Hi, Joey.
>> Well, actually, it pays nothing. It's an
internship.
>> Oh, that's cool. We have interns at Days
of Our Lives,
>> right? So, it'll be the same except less
sex with you.
>> So, uh, what kind of stuff do you think
they'll have you do there?
>> Well, it's a training program, but at
the end they hire the people they like.
>> That's great.
>> Yeah. I mean, there's probably going to
be some grunt work, which will probably
stink. You know, grown man getting
people coffee is a little humiliating.
Humiliating and noble.
>> Thank you.
You know, if if I didn't already have a
job, I I think I would have been really
good in advertising.
>> Ross, you did not come up with Got Milk.
>> Yes, I did. I did.
>> I should have written it down.
>> Hey, Joe. [music] What's up?
>> Bad news. I watched the tape and passed
along to my bosses and they weren't
interested.
>> Oh,
sorry, man.
But uh you watched the tape?
>> Yeah, I I I I liked it.
>> But uh my bosses didn't go for it.
Stupid sons of [laughter]
>> You didn't watch the tape.
>> What? Of course I did.
>> Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but
to lie to me.
>> I'm not lying to you. I watched it.
>> Well, you lied again.
>> I watched it. Keep going, Pinocchio.
[laughter]
>> I DID.
>> NO, YOU DIDN'T.
>> I'M TELLING YOU, I WATCHED THE TAPE.
>> Did you watch the tape?
>> No. [laughter]
Can't believe [music] Joey, I hate being
called a liar.
>> But you are a liar.
>> What did I just say? [laughter]
>> You still here? Yes. And I have to say I
am not just hurt, I am insulted when I
tell somebody I did something.
>> Okay, hold on. Let me just stop you
right there. Okay, first you lied,
right? Then you lied about lying. Okay,
then you lied about lying about lying.
Okay, so before you lie about lying
about lying about lying about lying,
[laughter]
stop lying.
Why are you so sure I didn't watch this
tape? You want to know why? You want to
know why?
>> Well, this is going well.
[laughter]
>> Here's how I know you didn't watch the
tape, okay? If you had seen what was on
this tape, believe me, you would have
some comments. All right. Now, remember,
I got paid a lot of money for this, and
it only aired in Japan.
Ichibon.
[music]
Ichibon. Lipstick for men.
>> [music]
>> Ichiban lipstick for men. Sai [laughter]
and that's how I know you didn't watch
the tape.
>> He really is a chameleon.
>> Guess what?
>> You got a job?
>> Are you kidding? I'M TRAINED FOR
NOTHING.
>> [laughter]
>> I WAS laughed at 12 interviews today.
>> And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
>> Well, you would be too if you found Joan
and David boots on sale, 50% off.
>> Oh, how well you know me. [laughter]
>> They're my new I don't need a job. I
don't need my parents. I've got great
boots. Boots.
>> How'd you pay for them?
>> Uh, credit card. And who pays for that?
>> Um, my father.
>> [laughter]
>> COME ON. YOU CAN'T LIVE off your parents
your whole life.
>> I know that. That's why I was getting
married.
>> Give her a break. It's hard being on
your own for the first time.
>> Thank you. You're welcome. I remember
when I first came to this city, I was
14. My mom had just killed herself and
my stepdad was back in prison. And I got
here and I didn't know anybody. And I
ended up living with this albino guy who
was like cleaning windshields outside
Port Authority. And then he killed
himself.
And then I found aromatherapy. So
believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
>> The word you're looking for is
anyway.
[laughter]
All right. You ready?
>> I don't think so. Oh, come on. Cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, CUT.
[cheering]
>> HEY, [applause]
welcome to the real world. It sucks.
You're going to love it.
>> I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
>> Can't believe what I'm hearing here.
>> What? I said you had
>> But I said you had
>> Would you stop?
>> Oh, was I doing it again?
>> Yes. Would anybody like more coffee?
>> Did you make it or are you just serving
it?
>> I'm just serving it.
>> Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
>> Kids, new dream. I'm in Las Vegas. I'm
Liza Minnelli.
[music]
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