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Trick or treat.
>> Oh, well, you're just the prettiest
ballerina I've ever seen.
>> Thank you.
>> Oh, wow. That deserves another piece of
candy.
>> Thank you. [laughter]
>> Well, I have to say that earns two two
pieces of candy.
>> I love you.
>> Oh. Oh, honey. Here, take it off.
>> [laughter]
>> Monica, we need more candy.
>> What? There's only been like four kids.
>> Yeah, I know. But one of them just said
that she loved me, so I just gave her
everything.
>> No wonder you're pregnant. [laughter]
>> Okay, let me just get changed and we can
go to dinner.
>> We're What happened to Jessica's body?
>> I'm not telling. You have to see it on
TV.
>> You don't know, do you?
>> No. Couldn't care less.
Hey, good scene, man. Hey, you, too. All
right.
>> What? You weren't in it. [laughter]
>> Oh, uh, Cash, this is my friend Rachel.
Rachel. Cash. Cash. Rachel.
>> Hi.
>> How come I haven't seen you here before?
>> Well, Joey probably just thinks I'll
embarrass him. You know, he thinks I'm
some kind of a soap opera nut,
>> which I'm not. I'm not. [laughter]
Although I do know that your uh your
favorite ice cream flavor is butter
pecan
and uh and [clears throat] that your
your dog's name is Wall-E.
>> Oh, look at that. I'm just stroking your
arm.
>> Here we go. Here we go.
>> Oh, we're leaving. Bye, Cash. Say hi to
Wall-E. Did I miss it?
>> Rachel,
I I want you to know that if it's
positive, we're going to
>> Oh, I know. I know
>> you do.
>> It's time.
>> No.
>> Go ahead. Reach.
>> Oh, wait. You know what? I can't I can't
look at it. I can't look at it. Somebody
else tell me. Somebody tell me. Okay.
Okay. Um,
it's negative.
What? It's negative.
Well, there you go.
Phew.
That is that's great. That is really
great great news, [sighs and gasps]
you know, cuz the whole
not being ready and kind of the
financial aspects, all that.
Wow, this is so just the way this was
supposed to be.
>> Well, then great.
It's God. This is so stupid.
How can I be upset over something I
never have?
It's negative.
No, it's positive.
[laughter]
>> What? It's It's not negative. It's
positive.
>> Are you sure? Well, yeah. I lied before.
>> Oh my god. Now you know how you really
feel about it.
>> Oh, that's a risky little game.
[cheering]
>> Are you really going to do this?
>> Yeah. I'm going to have a baby.
>> I'm going to have a baby.
>> I'm going to have a baby. [cheering]
>> [applause]
>> with whom?
>> No, it's still not the time.
[laughter]
>> Hi.
>> Hi.
>> Hi. Um,
I think there's something that we really
need to talk about.
>> I think we do.
Why don't we go inside?
>> [laughter]
>> Hi.
>> Look, uh,
I know why you're here.
>> You do?
>> Yeah. And to save you from any
embarrassment, um, I think maybe I
should talk first.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
Ross and Rachel.
Rachel and Ross,
that's been one heck of a seessaw,
hasn't it?
>> What?
>> I mean, look, that that one night we had
was fun and and certainly passionate,
but don't don't you think it's better if
we just stay friends?
Seriously, what? [laughter]
>> Okay. Okay. You know what? If you want
to,
we can do it one more time. [laughter]
I mean, I I'd be okay with that.
In fact, I have some time right now.
>> Okay.
>> You know what? Can I Can I talk now?
>> Oh, sure.
>> Okay.
I'm pregnant.
>> Ross.
[laughter]
Ross.
Okay. Whenever you're ready.
[applause]
And you're the father, by the way. But
you go.
[laughter]
>> Can I get you some water?
>> I'm good. I'm good.
>> Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay.
I mean, you can be as involved as you
want.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. I uh I'm just I don't know. I
don't understand
[laughter]
um how this happened.
[laughter]
We we used a condom.
>> I know. I know. But you know, condoms
only work like 97% of the time.
>> What? What?
[laughter]
What?
Well, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX.
>> [laughter]
>> THEY DO.
>> NO, they don't. [laughter]
[applause]
[cheering]
>> Well, THEY SHOULD PUT IT IN HUGE BLOCK
LETTERS.
>> OKAY, RUSS, come on. Let's just forget
about the condoms.
>> Oh, well, I may as well have. [applause]
>> Listen, you know what? I was really
freaked out, too, when I found.
>> Hey, I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer. [laughter]
>> You know what? Let's let's talk later.
>> No, no. I want to talk now. Okay. I in
fact I want to talk to the president
of the condom company.
>> Okay. You know what? Maybe I should come
back.
>> Yeah. I'll press one
for two.
>> Interesting.
[laughter]
Anyway,
um probably worked out for the best.
>> Yeah, sure.
>> Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going
to see him kiss me.
>> And in about 5 seconds, you're going to
see why.
>> Ross, did I ever tell you about the time
that I went backpacking through Western
Europe?
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, get ready to see some begging.
[laughter]
>> OH, YOU CAME ON to Ross.
>> What?
>> Now I'm so happy. [laughter]
>> What are you talking about?
>> You use the Europe story.
>> That's the magic story you use when you
want to have sex. [laughter]
>> How do you know about that story? How do
you know about that story? [laughter]
>> I heard it from my friend Irene who
heard it from some guy.
>> Some guy?
[applause]
>> No. No. She told me that his name was
Ken Adams.
[cheering]
>> Ken Adams.
>> You said that you were looking for a new
place.
>> Oh, yeah. Hopefully across the street.
Certain Dutch people would just let go.
[laughter]
I was kind of hoping you'd stay,
>> but Joey, I have to go. There's no room
for a baby here.
>> No room. It's a baby. It's like this
big. [laughter]
You know, you you could put it over
here.
Or or we could put it right here. Oh,
it's cute, right? Or or we could put it
over here. You wouldn't even notice it.
Where's the baby?
>> [laughter]
>> Hey, it's not just a matter of where you
put it. I mean, a baby changes
everything. They cry all the time. I
mean, imagine bringing home some girl
and trying to score when there's a
screaming baby around.
>> I could use a challenge. It's getting
pretty easy.
>> It's so sweet that you want me to stay,
but I I can't do that to you. I mean, it
would disrupt your entire life.
I just
I I love living with you so much. I just
I wish things didn't have to change.
>> I know.
>> You know, I blame Ross for this.
[laughter]
>> I do too a little bit.
>> I'm going to miss you.
You're the hottest roommate I ever had.
>> I just want to point out I never did
anything to hurt you in high school.
That's not totally true.
>> What?
>> What?
>> Well, you you did start that rumor about
Ross making out with Mrs. Alman, our
50year-old librarian. [laughter]
>> How did you know that?
[cheering]
[laughter]
>> It's true.
>> No. [laughter]
>> Yes, it is. I saw you guys going at it
behind the card catalog. [laughter]
>> I'm sorry. When you were in high school,
you made out with a 50-year-old woman.
>> Hey, she didn't look 50.
>> Did she look 16?
>> Oh, there's a picture of her in the
yearbook, actually.
>> Oh,
>> wow.
>> She didn't photograph. Well,
>> well, she probably wasn't familiar with
the process, having spent most of her
life sitting for oil paintings.
>> So, but how did this happen? Did she Did
she lure you to an early bird dinner?
I'm just having a having a rough day.
>> Oh, what's wrong?
>> Oh, you really you really just don't
want to hear about it.
>> Then why did I ask?
>> Okay. It's just I mean, this is really
embarrassing, but lately with this whole
pregnancy thing, I'm just finding
myself,
how do I put this? Um,
erotically charged.
>> Is that college talk for horny?
[laughter]
>> Yeah.
So, you know, I have all of these
feelings and I don't know what to do
about them because I can't date like a
normal person, which is fine because I
don't need a relationship. I mean, all I
really want is one great night, just
sex, you know, no strings attached, no
relationship, just with someone that I
feel comfortable with and who knows what
he's doing for just one great night. I
mean, is that really so hard
to find?
>> [laughter]
>> So, how how was your day?
>> It's been good. I uh I saw a pretty big
pigeon.
[laughter]
>> Well, I got to get up early and it's
almost 7:00. So,
>> I got I got to go to my room, too.
>> Good night. [laughter]
>> I CAN'T DO IT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO
[laughter] IT.
>> You're Rachel.
>> YOU'RE JOEY.
>> YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
>> PLUS, it would be wrong and weird and
and and and bad.
>> It's so bad. I don't even know what
you're talking about because I didn't
ask you to do anything.
>> I know. [laughter]
>> You want to do it?
>> No.
>> Me neither. I'M JUST TESTING YOU. HEY,
WELL THAT'S THE END OF THIS
CONVERSATION.
>> THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
>> HAPPENED.
>> GOOD NIGHT.
>> Get back in there.
>> Look, I feel really bad about how I
freaked you out before. So, I called the
father and asked him to meet you here so
you could tell him. Go. What? Hey, wait
a minute. Baby, how do you even know who
the father is? I may play the fool at
times, but I'm a little more than just a
pretty blonde girl with an ass that
won't quit.
[laughter]
I believe this belongs to the father of
your baby.
>> Oh god.
Oh, he's in there right now.
>> Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you
can go in there and rip the band-aid
off. What do you want to do?
>> Let's rip.
>> Really? Are you sure?
>> Oh, Phoebe. Okay. Sorry. Yeah.
>> Hey, Ra.
So, what's this about?
>> Rachel has something that she wants to
tell you. And um I believe that this is
your red sweater.
>> No,
this is my red sweater.
>> Oh, no.
>> [laughter]
>> Could I get anyone a coffee or
poison? No, just for me. Okay,
>> what's going on, Ra?
>> Nothing.
Phoebe kind of made a mistake.
But you know, you do wear that sweater a
lot. Are are you involved in some kind
of dare?
>> You know, I'm actually glad Phoebe
called.
I know we broke up cuz you thought I
wasn't mature enough, but I've really
grown up and I think we should get back
together. Oh,
>> it's just not the right time.
>> It is the right time.
>> Okay,
>> I'm ready for more.
>> Tag,
>> come on, Ra. Let's give it another try.
>> I'm having a baby.
>> Oh.
You can go.
>> Thank you.
>> So, I thought Joey and I would be okay
once we hung out, but it's like we don't
even know how to be with each other
anymore.
>> I know it's tough now, but things will
get better.
>> How do you know that? What if it just
gets worse and worse and worse to the
point where we can't even be in the same
room with each other?
>> I'm not great at the advice.
Can I interest you in a sarcastic
comment? [laughter]
Some cheese?
>> Honey, why is the Bruce Springsteen CD
in the Cat Stevens case?
>> Let's just say if I can't find the right
CD case, I just put it in the nearest
one. [laughter]
>> Okay. Well, where is the Cat Stevens CD?
>> In the James Taylor case.
>> Where's the James Taylor CD?
>> Honey, I'm going to save you some time.
200 CDs. Not one of them in the right
case.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, no need to panic.
>> Deep breaths, everyone.
>> All right, so now you go.
>> No, I don't want to tell you.
>> Why not?
>> How's this embarrassing?
>> More embarrassing than shiny raspberry
lip balm. [laughter]
>> I didn't say raspberry before, did I?
Just just tell me, Rick. Just tell me.
>> Okay. All right. Stand up.
Well, when we're at the door, I lightly
press my lips against his
and then move into his body just for a
second.
And then I make this sound.
Okay. I know it doesn't sound like
anything, but I swear it works.
>> Yeah. Why? Yeah, that would work. Yeah.
All right, I got to go to bed. Honey, I
had such a wonderful time.
>> Yeah.
Me, too.
[snorts]
>> Not someone that I would would be
attracted to, but right now with the way
I'm feeling, all I want to do is rip off
his sweatpants and fanny pack.
>> Wait a second. This is about the fourth
month of your pregnancy, right?
>> Yeah. This is completely normal. Around
the fourth month, your hormones start
going crazy.
>> Really? So, this has happened to you?
>> Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Oh, and keep in
mind now, I was carrying triplets. So,
you know, in medical terms, I was I was
thrice as Randy.
>> Wow. This explains so much. Last
weekend, I went from store to store
sitting on Santa's laps.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. Yeah. I remember trying to steal a
cardboard cutout of a Vander Holyfield
from a Foot Locker.
>> Yeah. Oh, well, you know what? I go see
my doctor tomorrow. I'll ask her about
this. Maybe she can give me a pill or
something.
>> Yeah. Yeah, that's what you need. A good
pill.
>> Totally keep it in check this time. And
plus, you know, the publicity would be
really good for your career, and you
deserve that. And if you do the
interview, you could mention, oh, I
don't know, Galpal Rachel Green. Is that
galpal spelled L O S E R?
>> Okay, don't listen to him, please.
>> Fine. All right, I'll do it. But hey,
you guys have to be at the next table so
you can stop me if I, you know, start to
say something stupid.
>> Just then or or all the time cuz we have
jobs, you know. [laughter]
>> Come on. We will be there for you the
whole time. Just remember, gal pal
Rachel Green.
I'm going to be so buffer digest and not
just in the dumb cross word puzzle.
>> Seriously, proud of you.
>> Yeah,
>> that's not you know it's nothing.
>> Okay,
so uh I think I'm going to take off.
>> Yeah. No, wait. What Joey? No, wait. It
is It's something. It's It It's um It's
my boss.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. and um
and my baby.
>> Yeah,
>> my boss wants to buy my baby.
>> What? [laughter]
Oh my Oh my god.
>> I know. I told you it's a really big
problem.
>> He wants to buy your baby.
>> Can you believe that?
>> That's crazy.
>> THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM.
>> HOW DID this even happen?
>> Yeah, I'll I'll tell you.
>> [laughter]
>> See, uh my my boss and uh and his wife,
they they can't have children. So, um
and then when we were at the Christmas
party and he got drunk and he said to
me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
>> Man,
when you said it was a problem about
your boss and the baby, I figured it was
something about maternity leave.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> [laughter]
[laughter]
>> Yeah, that that would have been a much
simpler problem.
>> Hey, great advice on that Joey thing.
>> Yeah, the work problem. It
>> was perfect. I mean, it really felt like
he was my friend again.
>> What problem did you tell him you have?
>> That's That's not important.
>> [laughter]
>> The point is, I really I think
everything's going to be okay.
>> May I help you?
>> You think you can just buy my friend's
baby?
>> Hi.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> So, what's the final head count on my
baby shower?
>> About 20. A couple people from work had
something else to do. Also, both of your
sisters called and neither can make it.
>> What you mean? They're not coming to a
social event where there's no men and no
booze. That's shocking. [laughter]
>> Well, I don't care as long as my mom's
here.
>> Oh my god. Your mother.
>> What? My mom's not going to be here?
>> Well, given that we forgot to invite
her, it would be an awfully big
coincidence if she was. [laughter]
>> My god.
>> Well, if it wasn't my fault Phoebe was
in charge of the invitations.
>> Well, I don't I don't have a mother, so
often I forget that other
>> I'll give it a rest. [laughter]
>> So, my mother is not coming to my baby
shower?
>> No.
Neither is mine.
>> You know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll
take care of it. We'll call her. You
just go home and get ready.
>> Please make sure she comes. It's really
important to me. I mean, it's my mom.
>> I know. I know. What's her number?
>> I don't know.
>> Go. I have my book. Go.
>> Wait a minute. If you're in charge of
the invitations, why am I the one who
has to call her? Hello, Mrs. Green. Hi.
Uh, it's Monica Geller.
>> Oh, hello, Monica.
>> Hi. Um, I know this is last minute, but
we we've decided to throw an impromptu
baby shower for Rachel today.
>> I know. My daughters told me about it
when they received their impromptu
invitations a month ago. [laughter]
>> I'm sorry. I'm I'm so sorry.
>> For what, dear?
>> For not inviting me or for lying about
it?
Oh my god, my ass is sweating.
[laughter]
Please, please, can you come? It's It's
today at 4:00. Well, all right. I'll see
you at 4. Thank you.
>> Isn't it at 3, son of a
>> Well, what are Hi.
[laughter]
>> Well, what are you doing here? I'm I'm
supposed to pick you up.
>> Change of plans. I made you a special
Valentine's dinner. Surprise.
>> Hi.
Oh, hey, Mona. Hi. Hi. Or hi, Rachel.
What's she doing here?
>> I have no idea. [laughter]
>> Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs
me.
>> Seriously, what is she doing?
>> Uh, you know, lately she just likes
hanging out here. [laughter]
>> Why?
>> I think she's lonely.
>> Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we
just ask her to go? Well, no, no, she's
way too emotional. And by emotional, I
mean,
>> I'm not here. That's just my Chinese
food.
>> Oh my god. She has food delivered here.
>> Yes, she's she's emotional, but but
ballsy.
>> You know what I'm going to do? I'm going
to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
[laughter]
And you thought she was going to be in
our way. [laughter]
So, okay, why don't you uh open the
champagne and I will be right back. I've
got a surprise for you.
>> You got another ex-wife back there.
>> Please start drinking.
>> I think I'm falling in love with you,
>> Joey. Joey, I love you so much.
>> But I
>> But
>> Joey,
>> right? Hey, that's um that's okay. It's
fine. It's uh
pretty much what I was expecting, you
know. So, uh it's no big deal. All
right.
>> I think I'm going to go.
>> No. No. Joey, please don't. Please don't
leave like this. Now come on. You cannot
do this to a pregnant woman.
[laughter]
>> Start doing the happy. You can't do
that, Rich. Cuz then you're going to
make me do
Okay, we go. [laughter]
Can I
>> You know, I was only kidding.
>> Um, what are you doing?
>> What? I'm not you. This may be the only
wedding I ever have
and I want it to be amazing.
>> Okay. Okay. Ooh. Ooh. Maybe I rode in on
a Harley.
>> Okay, Ross. It has to be realistic.
[laughter]
>> And my my veil was lace made by blind
Belgian nuns.
>> Blind?
>> Well, not at first, but it was very
intricate work. And they said even
though they lost their sight, it was all
worth it.
>> Oh. I bet you looked beautiful.
>> Oh, well, I I don't know about that, but
there were some people that said I
looked like a floating angel.
>> How did you propose?
>> Oh, yeah. That's a great story.
[laughter]
>> Well, um, actually, I I took her to the
planetarium. That's that's where we had
our first date. Um, she walked in and I
had the room filled with liies, her
favorite flower. That is so sweet. I
want to hear the rest. [laughter]
>> Then Fred Estair singing um The Way You
Look Tonight came on the sound system
and the lights came down and I I got on
one knee and written across the dome in
the stars were the words, "Will you
marry me?"
>> And the ring was the size of my fists.
>> In love with the guy.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh, you told your dad the truth about an
hour ago. [laughter]
>> Want to go see a movie?
>> Yes.
[laughter]
>> Bye,
>> Dad.
Anyway, there are more important things
in a marriage than love.
[laughter]
to think about
the consequences of your decision.
>> Hey, I do too think about the
consequences of my decisions. [laughter]
>> Well, what gives you the right to
go to hell?
Stupid guy on my phone.
[laughter]
And if you're looking for a place, I
just heard in the elevator this morning
that a woman in my building died.
>> Oh my god. Was she old? Does she have a
view? [laughter]
>> Well, I don't know. But how how great
would that be? Huh? You living in my
building? I could help take care of the
baby. I could come over whenever I want
with your permission.
>> Wow, that really would be great.
>> Yeah.
>> Well, can we see it? Oh, maybe we
shouldn't. I mean, if she just died this
morning out of respect.
>> Yeah. No, no, you're right.
>> Shall we?
>> Yeah.
>> Yes.
>> Hi, I'm Ross Geller. I live in the
building.
>> And I'm Rachel, an admirer of the
building.
I I heard about Mrs. Verhovven passing
away and I'm so sorry for your loss.
>> She didn't pass away.
>> What?
>> My mother's still alive.
>> Oh, thank God. [laughter]
>> It looked like we were going to lose her
this morning, but she's a tough old
bird.
>> Are you close with her?
>> Of course. [laughter]
Uh, yeah. She and I would talk all the
time in in the laundry room. [laughter]
>> You speak Dutch.
[laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> So, she's really not dead.
>> No,
>> she's hanging in there.
>> Do you think Could you tell me is she
hanging in in a in a onebedroom or a
two?
>> Oh my god. Oh, Monica, those boots are
amazing.
>> They're mine.
>> Yeah. Well, too bad. We're going to have
to return them.
>> Return them? Shh. They're going to hear
you.
>> Honey, I'm not returning them. Okay. I
mean, I I know they cost a lot, but I'm
going to wear them all the time. You'll
see. Besides, I love the compliments. I
mean, have you ever had something that
was so beautiful that everyone wants it?
>> I have. You.
>> Nice try. I'm keeping the boots.
>> Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. You You hated the name
Ruth. Why Why would you change your
mind?
Unless you know we're never going to
have to use it. You did see the folder.
You know it's a boy.
>> I didn't see anything. I actually
changed my mind about the name.
>> Oh, I don't think so. You're You're just
giving me Ruth. So So you'll get to name
him when it's a boy. And then that's
when you'll swoop in and and name him
Heath or Blaine or Seoia.
>> I would Seoa. [laughter]
>> Veto.
>> Fine.
Unless
>> you anticipated that I would figure all
this out and you know that it actually
is a girl and and you really do want her
to be named Ruth. Well, I'M NOT FALLING
FOR THAT. OKAY, RUTH IS OFF THE TABLE.
>> But Ross, you want the name Ruth?
>> Not like this.
>> That's right. Still no, baby.
Come on, people. Please let make some
room.
>> Uh, sweetie, maybe you'd be more
comfortable here.
>> You you
like you haven't done enough.
>> Look, I I know how miserable you are. I
wish there was something I can do. I I
wish I were a seahorse
[laughter]
because with seahorses, the it's the
male. they they carry the babies
and then also um I'd be far away in the
sea.
[laughter]
[laughter]
I have never been so uncomfortable in my
entire life.
>> Oh, I know. I've been there. I remember
toward the end.
>> Phoebe, that's a great story. Could you
tell it to me while you're getting me
some iced tea? [laughter]
>> Oh god. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET
OUT.
[laughter]
>> Let's
noticed you've picked out a lot of our
dinosaur items.
>> Oh, yeah. Actually, that's one of the
reasons why we are not a couple.
>> I chose those. I'm a paleontologist.
>> Really? That is so cool.
>> Oh. Oh, yeah. Don't get too worked up
over it. I mean, it sounds like he's a
doctor, but he's not.
>> Oh, no, no. I'm fascinated by
paleontology. Have you read the new
Walter Alvarez book?
>> Yeah, I I teach it in my class.
>> Oh my god. Standing at a cash register.
I'm holding a credit card and I'm bored.
[laughter]
>> Oh, I love your neighborhood. There's a
great gym right around the corner from
your building.
>> That's my gym.
>> I could tell you work out.
>> [laughter]
>> paleontologist who works out. You're
like Indiana Jones. [laughter]
>> I am like Indiana Jones.
>> Whoops. Oh, I seem to have dropped my
fork.
Let me just bend over and get it.
[laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> Oh god.
>> Okay, enough. This is This is not going
to happen.
>> Oh, come on Roz. I'm miserable here.
Come on. You started this. Now you
finish it.
Come on, Wes. Make love to me.
>> You know what?
>> What?
>> Forget it.
Oh, wow. What now? Ross, you're not
going to talk? How on earth will you
ever annoy me?
Oh, wait a minute. I know.
[snorts]
I mean, you think the damn jalapeno
would have cleared up your sinuses, but
no, that's not enough. But what are you
doing?
>> I'M GETTING THAT BABY OUT OF YOU.
[cheering]
>> [applause]
>> Oh god.
>> Oh, I know.
>> Oh no.
>> I think my water just broke.
>> I [laughter] am good.
[cheering]
Okay. Okay. Uh okay. I got I got the
pillow. Uh got the bag. You got the
keys?
>> I got the keys. Okay. Okay. [laughter]
We're having a baby.
>> I didn't uh really have time to read
this part of the books, but do you think
you think we have time?
>> Not so much.
>> Okay.
>> All right. Yes. From home to the
hospital in under seven minutes. We did
it.
>> Yes. The hard part is truly over.
>> No, but come on. We're off to a great
start, aren't we? I knew I'd get you
here fast, but this has got to be some
kind of a record.
>> Oh, you made it.
>> How the hell did you beat us here?
>> We took a cab. Did you guys walk?
>> No.
>> No, we took a cab, too. But I I did test
runs. I thought
>> Hey, you made it. [laughter]
>> Okay. Is there some kind of magic tunnel
to this hospital?
Ross, you stay here and talk. I'm going
to go have a baby.
>> Okay. Okay. Um, hi. This is Rachel
Green. I'm Ross Geller. We We called
from the car,
>> right? We have a semi-private labor room
waiting for you.
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry.
Semi-private. We We We asked for a
private room.
>> Yes, I see that. Here. Unfortunately, we
can't guarantee a private room, and
currently they're all unavailable.
>> Man, if only you'd gotten here sooner.
I'm sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we
have.
>> Okay. Uh, just give us a second,
>> Ross.
>> Yeah.
>> Give her some money.
>> I really think they're out of room.
>> They're not, Ross. They're just saving
them for the important people. Okay.
What What if I was the president?
>> Well, then we'd be in a lot of trouble.
You don't know where any countries are.
>> Okay.
Let's say, would you um would you mind
checking again? See if any uh private
rooms may have opened up.
>> This is a hospital.
>> Okay. You know what I have to say? I
don't really care for your tone. And
this is not the only hospital in this
city. And we have no problem. Whoa. Oh
gosh. Whoa. What? Oh. Ow. Contraction.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
>> Would you like to see a semi-private
room?
>> Yeah. It couldn't hurt to look. It's
available. Okay. Okay. Wait. You listen
to me. You listen to me. Since I have
been waiting, four women, that's four,
one higher than the number of
centimeters that I am dilated, have come
AND GONE WITH THEIR BABIES. I'm next.
It's my turn. It's only fair. And if you
bring in one more woman and she has her
baby before me, I'm going to sue you.
[laughter]
Not this hospital. I'm going to sue you.
And my husband, he is a lawyer.
>> Oh, great.
>> Don't get BACK ON THAT CASE, HONEY.
I don't think the next patient is very
far along.
>> Okay. Well, then bring her in.
[laughter]
[cheering]
[applause]
>> Oh my
god.
[cheering]
[applause]
>> [music]
[cheering]
>> I can't believe this. [laughter]
>> And yet somehow it's true.
[laughter]
>> I mean, this is so great. We're going to
be baby buddies.
Squeeze [laughter]
your legs together and cover the baby's
ears.
>> Sweetie.
>> Hi. [laughter]
>> Hi, sweetheart. This is my husband, Sid.
I don't think you've met him. Ross
Rachel. This is Sid. I nabbed him a year
ago at the dermatologist's office. Thank
God for adult acne. Huh. [laughter]
>> I still can't believe it. I'm the
luckiest guy in the world.
>> REALLY? [laughter]
>> What'd he say?
>> You know what? You have to speak very
loudly when you're talking to Sid cuz
he's almost completely deaf.
>> Oh, there you go.
>> Oh. Oh, she's upside down. But she's
coming. She's coming.
>> Oh my god.
>> Oh my god. She's here. [snorts]
[laughter]
[crying]
>> Oh, she's she's perfect.
Oh, she's so tiny.
Where'd she go?
>> They're just They're just wrapping her
up.
>> Okay. Well, be careful with her. She's
really tiny.
>> Here she is.
[crying]
>> You
Thanks for coming [crying] out of me.
>> [screaming]
>> I know.
>> Oh, she's looking at me.
>> I know you.
>> Do we have a name yet?
>> No, not yet.
>> That's fine. For now, we'll just call
her Baby Girl Green.
>> Oh, no. Baby girl Keller Green.
Hello, baby.
>> There she is.
>> She's so beautiful.
>> Oh my god,
she's amazing.
Oh, I'm so glad you guys got drunk and
had sex. [laughter]
>> It's incredible. I mean, one minute
she's inside you and then 47 hours
later, here she is. [laughter]
>> She looks so real.
[laughter]
>> You know what I mean?
>> Okay, my turn. My turn.
>> Oh, Phoebe.
>> Yes.
>> Oh, baby. Oh, you're so cute. Oh, I
could squeeze your little head.
[laughter]
>> I won't.
>> What's the matter?
>> Nothing. I'm sorry. I just can't stop
crying.
>> The doctor said it's completely normal
with all the hormones. Plus, you you're
sleepd deprived.
>> So, you guys are all sleepd deprived? I
don't see you weeping cuz you put your
slippers on the wrong feet.
>> Oh, God.
What's the matter now?
>> I was reliving it.
>> So, do you know what you're going to
call her yet?
>> Oh, wait a minute. It's not going to be
baby girl. I thought that was so
original.
[laughter]
>> Uh, actually, we we've narrowed it down
to two names.
>> Yeah. And you know what? I love them
both. So, why don't you just pick one
and that'll be it.
>> Wow. Um,
okay. Uh, everyone
This
is Isabella.
>> Oh, I love Isabella.
>> Hi.
[laughter]
>> What?
>> That's not her name.
I'm sorry. She just doesn't feel like an
Isabella.
>> What was the other one, Ross?
>> Um, Delilah.
>> Oh, great. Suddenly, she sounds like a
biblical [laughter]
So, I guess we're back to uh baby girl.
>> Yay.
>> Well, what are we going to do?
>> It's okay, honey. You'll find a name.
>> Oh, easy for you to say. You already
know what your kids' names are going to
be.
>> You do?
>> Yeah. I had them picked out since I was
14.
>> Oh, no. It's going to be named after
some snack or baked good, isn't it?
[laughter]
>> Well, tell us. What are they?
>> Um, okay. If it's a boy, it's Daniel.
>> And if it's a girl,
>> I don't want to say. [laughter]
>> Don't tell us. We're not going to want
it.
>> Okay,
it's Emma.
>> EMMA.
>> SEE, I don't want it. [laughter]
Take it.
>> What?
>> She's clearly an Emma.
>> Oh, honey. But you love that name.
>> Yeah, but I love you more.
Besides, you know, nothing goes with
being, so I'm screwed.
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