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you know I had to wait till my dad fell
asleep so I could steal his keys ready I
was born ready
I'm Ron Swanson this is a mistake why
would you call it that on your menu and
I know to tell you man just give me all
the bacon and eggs you have wait wait I
worry what you just heard was give me a
lot of bacon and eggs what I said was
give me all the bacon and eggs you have
do you understand this came out No
I am starving I haven't had lunch since
yesterday so I'm gonna head over to
callaghan's oh no no no don't go there
they totally skimp on pickles let me go
to bighead joes for you they have the
most insane burritos I don't much go for
ethnic food no trust me they have one
that's called the meat tornado literally
killed a guy last year you had me at
meat tornado I'm sorry about Andy but
I'm not sorry about what I did what's my
crime I got bold in the little negligent
no my office now hey you smoke in here
you don't smoke
just asking if I can are you high
I'm high on kaboom don't ask for
permission ask for forgiveness
that's right you never did ask me for
permission did you well I'm sorry to
burst your bubble but I just had my ass
handed to me by the city manager and now
this entire department is crude Ron I'm
so so so sorry
what that cook were you thinking I would
prefer that she asked me for my
permission so I can say no I like saying
no it lowers their enthusiasm I'm hungry
okay well don't be such a baby I cooked
you some bacon for a trail snack I hate
it already what I could smell it in your
purse before I even parked my car and
now it's gone and I hate everything Ron
Swanson will be next when it comes to
government hearings the only type of
witness I enjoy being is a hostile one
that's why I intend to answer every one
of their questions with the question
were you aware that all of the
entertainment and food was provided by
rec center teachers would I have stayed
if I knew that I don't know what do you
have what do you have no I wouldn't have
did you hear Leslie and make any
promises what constitutes a promise a
quid pro quo oh do you know Latin okay
thank you Ron are we done would you like
to sample our vegan bacon 100% meatless
yes please
another please
sir is there a problem I'm just making
sure no one ever has to eat this I don't
think I can give you any more I want one
beer Garth um wasn't sticker outfit
collie was the fourth round Indianapolis
Colts know how to draft so well they
really do
Andy this was delicious
it's awesome it's a whole new meat
delivery system thank you so we say we
go out to the parking lot run a few pass
plays to burn off the calories you are
an unstoppable good idea machine I like
Andy I'm surrounded by a lot of women in
this department and that includes the
man up
hey man reading the defense graduate
[Laughter]
let's cut the bull
I want me Tom and all the other ladies
included on your hunting trip hunting
trip we're doing a trail survey Leslie
literally listening to turkey calls is
this not rap run can you make the
opening remarks I just I'm not in the
mood neither am I ever what's wrong with
you you live for this kind of stuff I
don't have it in me right now Ron please
do it for me make the speech Ron please
please give the speech room yes please
Ron please please give a speech please
give the speech yes yes yes yes yes yes
yes yes please please please please
please please please please yes yes all
right damn it woman okay everyone shut
up and look at me
welcome to visions of nature this room
has several paintings in it some are big
some are small people did them and they
are here now I believe that after this
is over they'll be hung in government
buildings why the government is involved
in an art show is beyond me I also think
it's pointless for a human to paint
scenes of nature when they could just go
outside and stand in it anyway please do
not misinterpret the fact that I am
talking right now as genuine interest in
art and attempt to discuss it with me
further end of speech Ron wake up
Ron wake up its Leslie Oh God you having
a bad dream
no I suffer from a disorder called sleep
fighting must be terrible only when I'm
losing it's really good to see you Ron
you've aged horribly you son of a
and didn't oh my god
what is your problem I did okay that
what you want to do we're fine we're
fine
please when you're metal in someone's
personal life it's just so rewarding
hey if you see Andy will you not tell
him I'm here okay because of what
happened I don't want him to things up
don't want to know the less I know about
other people's affairs the happier I am
I'm not interested in caring about
people I once worked with a guy for
three years and never learned his name
best friend I ever had
we still never talk sometimes no Leslie
I thought I was supposed to lay the
ceremonial wreath
why is councilman Howser doing it
because you are doing something better
you are lighting the memorial flame
which is the greatest honor of all oh my
god Ron congratulations I saved it for
you Ron who caught you guys a very nosy
maintenance worker and we talked to him
and now we're all friends and he's not
gonna do it slowly fine I think if you
would know one thing about me it would
be that I prefer laying wreaths to
lighting torches I have cried twice in
my life once when I was seven and I was
hit by his school bus and then again
when I heard that little Sebastian had
passed his memory will live on as today
we light a fire that will burn on for
eternity oh my god okay deep breaths I
think we got for us
hey Jerri you put propane in the eternal
flame right no they were out yeah so I
just got a big thing a lighter fluids
kind of the same thing
excuse me there's a sign it ramps at
park that says do not drink the
sprinkler water so I made some tea with
it and now I have an infection sir
sir are are you are you are you
listening to me sir
sir I'm talking to you sir
sir are you aware that there is waste in
your water system Tom and April were
excellent witnesses in my defense
unfortunately every single word out of
their mouths was a lie there's only one
thing I hate more than lying
skim milk which is water that's lying
about being milk
[Laughter]
[Music]
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