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[Music]
Hello everyone and welcome back to the
English Dialogue podcast. I'm Mike and
as always I'm joined by my fantastic
co-host Emma. Today's topic is something
we all deal with but rarely talk about
openly. Overcoming bad inner voices.
Hi everyone, I'm Emma. We're excited to
dive into this subject because negative
self-t talk can really hold us back.
Let's figure out where those bad inner
voices come from and how we can replace
them with healthier thoughts.
>> So when we say bad inner voices, we're
talking about those harsh critical
thoughts that pop into our heads. Things
like you're not good enough, you'll
fail, or people will judge you.
Yes, these voices might sound like
they're protecting us from danger or
embarrassment, but most of the time they
just limit our potential. We should
learn to recognize them for what they
are, unhelpful mental chatter.
>> Absolutely. It's one thing to be
cautious, but it's another to berate
ourselves so much that we become
paralyzed by fear. Let's talk about
where these negative thoughts originate.
Often
these voices develop from our past
experiences,
things we heard growing up, comments
we've internalized, or even societal
expectations that weigh on us.
>> Right? For example, maybe a teacher once
criticized your presentation style. That
comment can linger and years later you
might still believe you're terrible at
public speaking even if you've improved.
>> Yes. Or sometimes parents try to
motivate us by pointing out our flaws.
Thinking we'll work harder, but that
criticism can morph into a relentless
inner critic as adults.
>> Exactly. Our environments shape us.
Recognizing that these bad inner voices
are learned can be the first step to
unlearning them. I used to have a
terrible inner voice about my writing
skills. In high school, an English
teacher once told me that my essays
lacked creative flare. I was crushed.
Every time I tried to write something,
whether a paper or even an email, I'd
hear that voice saying, "You're boring.
You have no creativity."
For years, it stopped me from sharing my
ideas. But when I finally mustered the
courage to write a blog, I discovered
people actually liked my content. That
was eyeopening.
It wasn't that I lacked creativity. I
was just letting a single piece of
feedback define my entire identity as a
writer. That's a perfect example. A
single negative comment can grow into a
deeply rooted belief about ourselves if
we're not careful. For me, it was public
speaking. I remember being in a school
play when I was around 10. I forgot a
line on stage and the audience giggled.
I internalized that moment as I'm a
terrible speaker. Later in life,
whenever I had to give a presentation at
work or speak up in a meeting, I'd hear
that same voice telling me I'd freeze or
embarrass myself. It took a lot of small
steps like speaking up in casual group
discussions and practicing with friends
to realize I wasn't actually doomed to
fail. I just needed practice and
self-compassion.
Thank you for sharing, Emma. It's
amazing how one childhood memory can
echo for years if we don't address it.
So, what happens when we let these bad
inner voices run wild? For one, it can
keep us from taking risks or trying new
things. We get stuck in our comfort
zones.
>> Absolutely. It can also damage our
self-esteem and sabotage relationships
because we might assume people see us
the way our inner critic does unworthy
or not interesting enough.
>> Yes. Or we might become overly
defensive, lashing out at others to
protect our fragile sense of self. In
short, negative self-t talk can really
affect every area of life.
>> It's so true. The good news is we can
learn to quiet those voices and rewrite
the script. A huge step is simply
noticing when that inner critic starts
talking. Often it's so automatic we
barely realize we're doing it
right. One technique is to mentally
label those thoughts as they arise. Ah,
that's my inner critic. Naming it
creates a bit of distance so you're less
likely to believe every negative
thought.
>> Yes, some people even give their inner
critic a goofy name. It sounds silly,
but it helps you remember that this
voice isn't a wise authority. It's just
a repetitive loop of negativity.
>> And humor can deflate it. If you name
your inner critic Debbie Donor or
something like that, you can say, "Oh,
Debbie's at it again." It shifts the
power dynamic. Once you spot these
thoughts, the next step is challenging
them. Ask, "Is there real evidence for
this or am I catastrophizing?"
For instance, if the voice says, "I'll
never succeed at this new job." Question
it. Have you truly never succeeded at
anything before? Probably not. You
likely have skills and experiences that
can help you.
>> Exactly. It's about collecting evidence
against the negative claim. List your
achievements, your compliments from
peers, or recall times you overcame
similar challenges.
>> This logical approach helps ground us in
reality instead of the worst case
scenario we imagine.
Challenging is one part, but we also
need to replace those negative
statements with something more balanced.
It doesn't have to be falsely positive.
Instead of I'm a total failure, you
might say I'm learning and improving.
And it's normal to make mistakes.
Over time, these new affirmations or
balanced thoughts become the default. If
you tell yourself, "I'm resourceful,"
and can figure things out. Eventually,
you start believing it because it's
often closer to the truth than your
harsh self-criticism.
>> Absolutely. We're not talking about
deliluding ourselves. We're talking
about reframing. Reframing from I can't
to, I can try, and I'll learn in the
process. Small shifts in language can
have a huge impact on our mindset.
Another big piece is self-compassion.
Think about how you'd talk to a good
friend who's struggling. Chances are
you'd be gentle and encouraging.
>> Yes, but we rarely give ourselves that
same kindness. We can be our own worst
critics. Practicing self-compassion
means extending that same empathy
inward.
>> That might involve literally telling
yourself it's okay to feel upset. I'm
going through a rough patch, but I'll
get through it. Everyone makes mistakes.
Some people find it helpful to journal
these compassionate statements.
Yes, journaling or even recording voice
memos of affirmations can make them feel
more tangible. Then when the negative
voices come back, you have a
counternarrative ready. Surrounding
yourself with supportive people also
helps. If you're constantly around
individuals who criticize or belittle
you, your inner critic thrives.
>> This kind of forgiveness breaks the
cycle of self-criticism.
It allows you to say, "I'm doing the
best I can with what I know now."
>> Exactly.
You make room for compassion. And with
compassion, you're more likely to
improve naturally rather than forcing
yourself through blame and shame.
>> Another aspect, forgiving your younger
self. Many of us cringe at who we once
were naive, reckless, or too afraid to
act. but that younger you made choices
with the knowledge and experience they
had at the time. Forgiving them respects
the journey you've traveled.
>> By recognizing that growth is a process,
you allow yourself to be proud of how
far you've come instead of ashamed of
where you started.
>> It's a quiet internal embrace of all
you've been and all you can become. And
what about forgiving societal
influences, expectations, pressures, and
cultural norms that shaped our fears and
insecurities?
>> That's another form of release. We can
recognize that society isn't always
kind, fair, or supportive. Forgiving it
means not letting it dictate our worth.
>> It allows us to step beyond inherited
beliefs and claim our own values, no
longer resenting the world for
misleading us.
Yes. And this forgiveness can help us
become agents of change rather than
prisoners of resentment.
>> Now, all this sounds meaningful, but how
do we actually practice forgiveness?
>> One way is through acknowledging your
feelings honestly. Write them down.
Speak them aloud. Recognize the hurt,
the anger, the disappointment.
>> Then consider the humanity of whoever
hurt you, including yourself.
Understand that people act from their
own wounds, fears, and
misunderstandings.
>> Visualize letting go of the anger. Some
people imagine it as a heavy stone they
set down. Others write a letter they
never send. The act is symbolic but
powerful.
>> Patience is key. Forgiveness often takes
time. You don't wake up one day suddenly
free of all resentment. It's a process.
And during that process, you might feel
resistance. That's normal. Sometimes
anger feels safer than letting go
because it keeps us vigilant.
>> But over time, as we soften, we realize
that holding on to that anger is a heavy
burden. Life is lighter without it.
>> Also, forgiveness doesn't have to mean
forgetting. You can remember what
happened and learn from it without
reliving the pain.
It's about integrating the lesson into
your life, not being chained to the
hurt.
>> This integration can deepen your
empathy. When you know how hard
forgiveness is, you respect the courage
it takes to let go.
>> And ironically, forgiveness can make you
stronger. It's not weak to forgive. It's
an act of courage and emotional
maturity.
>> Think of forgiveness as clearing clutter
from your home. Your mind and heart are
like rooms filled with old boxes, anger,
regret, disappointment. If you never
forgive, you never clear those boxes,
and they take up space where joy and
connection could thrive. By forgiving,
you're making room. Room for new
relationships, deeper creativity,
laughter, hope. It's about creating a
livable space inside yourself. After
all, how can you truly live if you're
constantly tripping over old
resentments?
>> As we've said, forgiveness isn't about
condoning harmful behavior. It's about
refusing to let that harm define you
anymore.
>> Exactly. We all deserve to live without
the weight of old wounds dragging us
down.
>> The journey might start small. Maybe you
forgive yourself for a minor mistake
today. Then over time you tackle bigger
hurts
>> or you begin by acknowledging that you
are ready or at least willing to
consider forgiveness.
That's a seed that can grow.
>> Even a small shift in attitude can
loosen the chains of resentment.
>> And as you practice, you realize that
forgiveness can become a way of life, a
habit of the heart.
>> A habit that frees you to be more
present, more kind, more engaged with
the world.
So if you've been carrying hurts,
consider what it would feel like to set
them down.
>> Imagine stepping into your future
without that heavy load. Feel that
lightness.
>> That's what forgiveness can bring. The
freedom to live not in spite of what
happened, but beyond it.
>> Well said, Emma. I think that's a good
place to close today's episode.
>> Thanks for joining us, everyone. We hope
this conversation inspires you to
explore forgiveness in your own life.
>> Take care, be gentle with yourselves,
and we'll see you next time on the
English Dialogue podcast.
[Music]
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