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Well, there's a lot I didn't know about
vomit
in a minute.
So, what do you say, Joey? You get the
whole set of encyclopedias for $1,200.
That works out to just 50 bucks a book.
>> $1,200?
You think I have $1,200?
>> I'm home in the middle of the day and I
got patio furniture in my living room.
I guess there's a few things you don't
get from book learning.
>> Well, uh, what can you swing?
>> How about zero down and zero a month for
a long, long time?
>> You don't have anything.
>> You want to see what I got? Okay. I got
a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys,
a Kleenex,
a rock, and an army man. Hey.
>> Okay, I I get the picture. Uh, thanks
for your time.
>> And a 50. Huh? These must be Chandler's
pants.
>> For 50 bucks, you can get one book. What
will it be? Uh, A, B, C. I think I'm
going to stick with the V. I want to see
how this bad boy turns out.
>> So, did you break up with Joanna?
>> I think so.
>> It's a good thing you got out when you
did before she blew up like that Vuvius.
>> The volcano?
>> Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man,
are they a violent ignous rock
formation?
>> What?
>> Oh, yeah. Lava spewing, hot ash. Of
course, some are dormant. All right. Why
are you talking about volcanoes all of a
sudden?
>> Well, we can talk about something else.
What do you want to talk about? Vivise
section,
>> the vast difference,
the Vietnam War.
>> Oh, did anybody see that that
documentary on the Korean War?
>> Oh god, Korea is such a beautiful
country
>> with such a sad history.
>> Yeah.
>> Would there be more cannons?
Ho ho ho. Holy crap. Is it hot in here?
>> Really? Hey, you mind if I turn the heat
down?
>> Hey, we could have used that kind of
thinking earlier.
>> Oh, jeez. I'll let go.
>> Oh, I couldn't go in.
>> Oh, honey. I'm sorry.
>> Are you okay?
>> Yeah. Yeah. No, it's okay cuz I mean I
know he's there, so that's enough for
now. Hey guys, it's after midnight.
Merry Christmas everyone.
>> Merry Christmas.
>> Hey Monica, the knob was broken, so I
just turned it off from underneath. I
hope that's all right.
[Applause]
>> What you working on?
>> Oh, Monica and Chandler's
recommendation. I want it to sound
smart, but I don't know any big words or
anything, so
>> Well, why don't you use your thesaurus?
>> What' I just say?
Watch
here. You uh you highlight the word you
want to change. Uh go under tools and
the thesaurus generates gives
gives a whole list of choices. You can
pick the word that sounds smartest. Oh
my god, that's great. I'm smart. No, no,
I'm brainy, bright, clever. I love this
thing.
Look out, ladies. is Joey Trian's got
the whole package.
>> Interesting.
>> Anyway,
um probably worked out for the best.
>> Yeah, sure.
>> Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going
to see him kiss me.
>> And in about 5 seconds, you're going to
see why.
Ross, did I ever tell you about the time
that I went backpacking through Western
Europe?
[Laughter]
>> Hey, get ready to see some begging.
>> Oh, you came on to Ross.
>> What?
>> Now I'm so happy.
>> What are you talking about?
>> You use the Europe story. That's the
magic story you use when you want to
have sex.
>> How do you know about that story?
>> How do you know about that story?
>> I heard it from my friend Irene who
heard it from some guy.
>> Some guy.
>> No. No. She told me that his name was
Ken Adams.
>> Ken Adams.
Hey. Hey.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, hey, Monica. I heard you saw Donald
Trump at your convention.
>> Yeah. So, I'm waiting for an elevator.
>> Hey, Ra. Can I borrow your eyelash
curler? I think I lost mine.
>> Yeah.
[Applause]
>> Joey, can I talk to you for a second?
>> Oh, hold on.
[Music]
Yes.
>> Yes.
You and and you.
>> Yes. But you cannot tell anyone. No one
knows.
>> How? When?
>> It happened in London.
>> In London.
>> Not yet.
The reason we didn't tell anyone was cuz
we didn't want to make a big deal out of
it.
>> But it is a big deal.
>> I have to tell someone.
>> You can't.
>> Please. Please. We just don't want to
deal with telling everyone. Okay. Just
promise you won't tell.
>> All right.
Man, this is unbelievable.
I mean, know it's great, but
>> I know it's great.
>> Oh, I don't want to see that.
>> We're going to take Clunkers to Ross's.
We'll be back in a minute. Oh, wait.
Before you guys go, can I just ask you a
question?
>> Yeah.
>> Um, when a guy breaks up with his
girlfriend, what is an appropriate
amount of time to wait before you make a
move?
>> Oh, I'd say about a month.
>> Really? I'd say three to four.
>> Half hour.
Interesting.
>> When it's your assistant, I would say
never.
>> All right, Ra. The big question is, does
he like you? Right. Because if he
doesn't like you, this is all a moo
point.
>> Huh? A moo point?
>> Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.
It just doesn't matter.
It's Moo.
>> Have I been living with him for too long
or did that all just make sense?
Please don't listen to Joey. Okay. Would
you look at him? I He's He's obviously
depressed. He's away from his family.
He's spending Thanksgiving with
strangers. What he needs right now is
for you to be his friend.
>> Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Thank you.
Okay, that's what I'm going to do.
>> Fine. Take their advice.
No one ever listens to me when the
package is this pretty. No one cares
what's inside.
>> Hey, look, Joey. I'm just saying if you
need something to hold you over, I can
get you a job right here as an
entry-level processor. But don't you
need experience for a job like that?
>> It's not that hard to learn. And as for
people realizing that you have no idea
what you're doing, hey, you're an actor.
Act like a processor. People will think
you're a processor.
>> Hey, Chandler, here's this morning's
projection. Hey, thanks. Scott
Alexander, Joey Tribani.
>> Joey is a uh fellow processor.
>> No kidding.
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, I process. People want
the processing. I'm the one they call.
>> Where do you work?
>> Uh, well, right now I'm in between
things. You know how it is. One day
you're processing, the next day you're
not so much processing. Come on. I was
just telling Joey about the opening in
Fleshman's group.
>> Fleshman's group. Whatever you do, don't
touch his sandwiches.
>> Are all you processors dorks?
>> Hey guys, take a look at this. Check
this baby out. Dug me a hole.
>> Excellent hole, Joe.
>> Oh, no. No. My hole.
>> What? What? What is it?
>> Jellyfish sting. Oh, it hurts. It hurts.
It hurts.
>> Look, can we help you? Want to take you
back to the house?
>> Oh, it's like 2 miles.
>> Yeah, and I'm a little tired from
digging the hole.
>> Damn the jellyfish.
Damn. Oh, the jellyfish.
>> They got to do something.
>> Well, there's really only one thing you
can do.
>> What? What is it?
>> You're going to have to pee on it.
>> What?
Rose,
>> don't blame me. I saw it on the
Discovery Channel.
>> You know what? God, he's right. There's
something like uh ammonia in that that
kills the pain.
>> Well, forget it. It doesn't hurt that
bad.
>> If you want some privacy, you can use my
hole.
>> I just got my uh teacher evaluations.
Check out what this one student wrote. I
loved Dr. Geller's class. Mindblowing
lectures. Dr. Geller, you are definitely
the hottie of the paleontology
department.
Uh, hotties of the paleontology
department. There's our big selling
calendar.
>> Who wrote it?
>> Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations
are all anonymous.
>> Hey, do you still have their final
exams?
>> Yeah.
>> Well, cuz you could just match the
evaluation to the exam with the same
handwriting and boom, there's your
admirer.
>> A hot girl's at stake and all of a
sudden he's Rainman.
[Music]
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