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- [Narrator] Here are 23 habits
that will help you ruin your life.
Number one, be dirty.
(gentle music)
It's important to be
just a little bit grimy
throughout the day.
Not enough that most people can tell,
but just enough that you can tell.
Being just a little bit greasy
will subtly affect your confidence
and overall willingness to attack the day.
Number two, stay seated.
Sit down for the majority of the day.
And if you have a job
where you must sit down,
make no effort to limber up
or stretch out at any point.
This will give you
tight, shortened muscles,
and put pressure on your joints over time.
This will lead to you
feeling worse more often,
which is perfect.
Number three, drink Starbucks daily.
Why spend $36.75 on an AeroPress
or $19 on a cheap coffee maker from Amazon
when you could spend
$6.75 for one Grande PSL?
Tell yourself, "Eh, what's a few bucks?"
Ignoring the fact that there are 365 days
in every single year,
and that $6.75 times 365
is $2,463.75.
Ignore basic math all year
and then complain that
you have no money left
to buy a Christmas
present for your only son.
He's starving.
Number four, wait for motivation.
Never utilize simple
principles like momentum
or the instant dopamine hit
of completing a small task.
Make sure to wait for
the far more elusive,
unprompted motivation spike
that you think probably might exist
and might hit you magically
when you most need it.
Don't happen to things,
wait for things to happen.
Number five, compare yourself
to images on a screen.
Consuming pictures and videos
of impossibly hot, unspeakably rich,
and permanently happy
people on a daily basis
will help you feel inadequate.
Do this as much as you can.
Look how happy everyone is.
Get it through your head
that the goal in life
is to get to a place where
you're happy 100% of the time,
like those people on your phone.
Number six, believe
people are looking at you.
It's important to remain as
self-conscious as possible.
Maintain the idea that
people are fixated on you
as much as you are on yourself.
When you're out in public,
shoulder check constantly
to see if someone you know
might be looking at you.
What if they see you dressed like this?
You didn't shower,
your fingernails are dirty.
Fear bumping into anybody you might know.
Number seven, avoid less
than perfect experiences.
If you're not 100% convinced
that the movie you're about
to watch is a masterpiece,
don't watch it.
Disregard the fact that
the happiest people in life
tend to be able to bring joy
to less than perfect situations.
Require things to bring the joy to you.
Number eight, use filler words
and raise your inflection
at the end of each sentence.
- Yeah, so I left the store
and then after I left the
store I went to Starbucks.
- [Narrator] This will help
you seem less intelligent
and less confident.
Make things that aren't
questions sound like questions.
Be lazy with your speech,
don't think before you speak,
and just kinda let the
movements of your brain
dribble out of your mouth.
- All right, have a nice day, sir.
- [Narrator] Number nine,
only consume non-fiction.
Believe that there is
nothing to learn from myth,
poetry, fantasy, or any story
that didn't really happen.
Read only biographies of entrepreneurs
whose bank account you envy.
Keep your imagination in check
and then wonder why you have no new ideas
and why your world lacks color.
Number 10, search for
meaning on the internet.
Ignore the fact that the cure to boredom,
meaninglessness, and loneliness
is usually not found
somewhere on your phone,
but by putting it down,
so keep looking.
You'll find it eventually, right?
The final YouTube Short that's
so good you'll stop watching.
You just have to keep looking.
Number 11, play with your wiener too much.
Spend all your time and energy
playing with your wiener.
Ignore the fact that
playing with your wiener
is usually much more fulfilling
when genuine human connection is involved.
Just stay in your house
and keep your wiener a secret.
Don't share your wiener.
Number 12, subscribe to things
that add zero value to your life.
"Maybe I'll need this one day,"
makes a lot of sense for a spare tire,
so why not apply that same logic
to a Paramount+ subscription,
Uber Eats Plus, X Premium?
Why even use an app
if you're not using the premium version?
Why live a non-premium life?
What are you, poor?
Step 12.5, don't subscribe to things
that do add incredible value to your life,
like a gym membership,
which will make you
stronger and healthier,
or an app that will save you time
and boost your productivity,
like today's video sponsor, Tana.
If your goal in life
is to be as unproductive
and inefficient as possible,
then don't use Tana
because Tana is an AI note taker
that does the heavy lifting for you.
Not only does it transcribe
your voice memos,
it sends them to the right
place in the right format.
Use it to prep your day while commuting
or produce meaningful
work while on the go.
Talk aloud and tasks will
be sent to your task board,
ideas neatly tagged and
stored in a table view,
agenda items will appear
in the right meetings,
and that's just the beginning.
When I'm not interested
in ruining my life,
I love using the Tana mobile app
to just talk about some things
that I want to do in the day.
No matter how loose and
scattered my speech is,
Tana will leverage AI
to make sure all of my ideas are tagged,
organized, and formed into action items.
Simply by talking to Tana,
it's like a personal
assistant in my pocket.
So if you for some reason
want productivity to feel
more effortless and easy,
start your free trial of Tana today
using the link in the description.
Thanks again to Tana for
sponsoring this video.
Number 13, stay up to date on GPUs.
It's important to be locked
in on cutting-edge tech
and be quick to pre-order
anything you can.
Slurp up all of that
corporate gobbledygook
because getting 15 more frames
per second on "Cyberpunk"
will make you happier.
Number 14, focus on getting things
instead of being somebody.
Focus all your energy on getting things:
a nice car, the perfect
body, a luxury watch.
Instead of fostering virtue,
try to buy approval
and the admiration of others.
Number 15, reject your own love.
(suspenseful music)
Number 16,
(gentle music)
assume your opinion is not welcome.
Automatically assume that
whatever it is you have to say
has been heard before
and people just don't
wanna hear it from you
because you're dumb,
you sound unintelligent.
Enter every interaction
with this assumption
and you'll subconsciously
give people the vibe
that you're unsure of yourself
and they will treat you
worse because of this.
Number 17, assume your opinion is welcome.
Never learn to read the room.
Always feel as if though
you have to say something
intelligent or impressive.
Help people solve problems
they didn't ask for help on.
Offer sagely advice to people
dealing with deeply personal matters
that you have nothing to do with.
Once you get in the habit of doing this,
notice how people will
start to share less and less
when they're around you,
and that's great.
Number 18, don't participate in the wave.
When something fun and
spontaneous is happening
and it makes you feel
a little uncomfortable,
freeze, lock yourself down.
Don't be seen as somebody who
might look a little goofy.
Don't do anything you
didn't calculate for.
If it wasn't part of the plan,
you are under no obligation to do it.
Make that very clear.
Be as unadaptable as possible.
Number 19, don't pick up your dog's poop.
Never pick up your canine's fecal matter.
Never return grocery carts
back to the grocery cart area.
Regularly fail tests of
basic social decency.
If there's no immediate social reward
for doing the right thing, why do it?
Number 20, have a high
consumption to production ratio.
Gradually move the needle
further and further towards consumption.
Consume far more than you produce,
and make sure to add as
much friction as possible
in the way of doing anything
creative or productive.
Make it hard and inconvenient
to pick up a camera
or learn an instrument,
and make it as easy as
possible to continue consuming.
Number 21, expect perfection.
Never assume that things will go wrong.
Plan your trip without
accounting for bad traffic
and then get rattled when you
inevitably get stuck in it.
Expect a smooth ride
in all your endeavors.
Be ignorant of Murphy's law
because when all failure is a surprise,
then all hardship is catastrophic.
Number 22, ignore basic
financial principles
in order to get rich quick.
Why pay off your credit card
that's charging you 20% interest
when you could use that payment money
to hit one parlay and it'll
all be paid off and then some?
Throw money at things that
could potentially win you big
while ignoring factors
that are actually draining
your money every single day.
Confuse basic risk management
with actual gambling.
Number 23, never take risks.
Ignore the fact that
risk is all around you
no matter what you do.
Try to curate a perfectly predictable
and pain-free existence,
where return on investment
is 100% guaranteed.
Never work to put yourself in
a position to handle risks.
Just don't take them at all
and expect things to work out.
Avoid risks so regularly for so long
that your risk tolerance
becomes non-existent.
Then you'll become fearful of any action
whose outcome you cannot guarantee.
So do these 23 habits
and this will help you ruin your life.
You're welcome.
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