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What if the people around you are showing you
who you've been and who you're becoming?
September 7th, 2025.
The thing about growing into your 30s
is recognizing that you're no longer in
your naive, fresheyed young adult years
and that you've actually matured quite a bit.
That difference isn't always noticeable
until you meet people of other ages
and have something to compare to.
A couple weeks ago, I spent
a week in Cabo with Wilson,
his business partner, and golf
friends, and their families.
Through golf, Wilson has
made friends of all ages.
A lot of his friends are 10
to 20 years older than us,
and that's brought a lot of perspective
into life as you mature.
It's like we get to preview
what the next chapters ahead might be like
so we can be more thoughtful about them.
In this particular group,
from youngest to oldest,
we had two kids age 9 and 13, Wilson and me,
the unmarried couple in their mid-30s,
the married couple with kids in their mid-40s,
and a couple in their 50s who have a son
who's already 25 and independent.
Four stages of life in a way.
I spent a lot of time hanging out
and playing with the kids as the fun auntie.
I think I'm very much still young at heart and
childlike in many ways in
my hobbies and interests.
I like playing and being creative.
I honestly could relate so much with the kids
because I feel like I had been in their shoes
and I remember it so well.
I also grew up in a
Chinese-American household
where the parents spoke Chinese to the kids
and the kids spoke English back to the parents.
These kids were doing the same thing.
So, I tried to teach them little bits of Chinese
in fun ways and telling them that I regret
not speaking Chinese more at home
when I was young because later in life
I had to put more effort into studying
and practicing Chinese
on my own so I can improve.
We sang K-pop Demon
Hunters on repeat, of course.
Played Mario Party, which
is one of my favorite games,
board games, Uno, chatted about school
and the tea on who they liked and didn't like.
We swam and went to the
water park, jumping around
and going down the slides again and again,
and made s'mores and
ice cream shakes in the evenings.
We played pickle ball,
had a drawing competition,
and even created a silly spider character
complete with his own comic on chat GPT.
I got to be a little kid again,
but I also got to glimpse how it'd feel to be
a mom to kids this age.
I often didn't look to
motherhood with excitement
because I don't really find it appealing
to do all of that work, all of those chores
to keep a baby alive and flourishing.
It looks exhausting and I have so many friends
in that stage right now
and I know it's exhausting,
but I think I'd be great once
they're a little bit older
and can relatively do things on their own.
Though, I'm sure each part
of the journey has its difficulties.
I mean, raising little humans
is just so much work.
This is coming from my current self
who highly values my free time,
self-care, and sleep.
But through my experience with these kids,
I'm also reminded of being that age and
how I was feeling or what
I was going through at that time.
With this hindsight of adult me looking back
at these younger versions of me,
my heart fills with so much compassion.
I remember how it felt to be
9 years old and 13 as well.
To be bored at a place
where you couldn't get out of
because you didn't have
the freedom or autonomy
of making your own decisions yet.
Feeling stressed about school and homework
or whether people would like you at school.
I look at these kids and I see where they're at,
their joys and their struggles,
their strengths and their weaknesses.
And I see that underneath it all,
they are so lovable. So whole.
They are perfect as they are.
They are such beaming lights of potential.
They're just developing, learning,
and understanding this world.
And the world around them
is constantly shaping them.
Then I think of myself at this age and
all the internal unspoken struggles
I was going through and how I couldn't see
or even comprehend at
the time just how perfect,
how lovable, how beautiful
and whole I already was.
That realization brings me to tears
because I didn't see it then,
but as an adult looking at any kid, I see it now.
Without even trying.
Whether you succeed or fail,
whether you're happy or sad,
your value is innate. It's there.
It exists because you exist.
That's so powerful, so beautiful.
We're at our last dinner spot right now and
I'm just exploring because
this is a very beautiful hotel
with a beautiful view.
I'm going to walk down to the water.
I love travertine. How pretty.
Yeah, so pretty.
Guys, I just finished a podcast interview
with the one and only Gabby Bernstein.
So, she is literally one of those people that
I have been following since like 2014, 2015.
She really was inspiring me at the beginning of
this whole personal growth, spirituality journey
and we've been trying to get her on the podcast
for years now and I'm so
grateful it actually happened
and we made a connection
and it's just super cool
because she's literally someone that
I have looked up to for over a decade.
If you're OG Lavendaire viewers then
you remember we I did something called
I don't have the space here.
Liberation Kriya.
It's this meditation where like
you're like holding this pose
and we did a 40-day challenge.
I remember this is maybe 2021 or something.
I've shared it on my channel twice.
The first time is when I first did it
and then the second time I made it a challenge
for all of us to do it together.
Well, yeah, that I learned from Gabby.
It's just really cool. You guys, we did it.
We pruned Lila.
I really didn't want to, but I think I had to.
And I honestly should
have done it much earlier.
This is what she looks like now. Empty and sad.
But the metaphor is you have to cut things out
of your life in order to grow back stronger
and more beautiful.
She was getting way too tall and lanky,
and I really want her to be more full.
So the idea is wherever you chop it branches.
So basically the last time
I pruned her was in 2020.
You can see right here there's like a little Y.
Can you see the Y?
That's where I last pruned her.
She was like pretty tall back then too.
So I pruned her.
Now that plant is at my mom's house.
And then I kind of liked the Y look.
I like that it grew lush.
But the problem is in this house because
of the windows it just grows a little crooked.
And then she was reaching the ceiling
and so I had to cut her.
But if I cut her any higher,
she would branch there
and then she would just become topheavy
and fall over even more.
So I realized I had to branch her
closer to this branch.
When she starts growing,
I will branch her a little bit earlier
instead of waiting too long.
I think that's how you create like a full look.
I know it's a sacrifice you have to make.
Connecting with the other couples
also gave me perspective.
The women shared their
reflections on their life,
their choices, and their advice for me.
Observing the mom and the kids
gave me new perspective and empathy
for my own mom who raised
my younger brother and me on her own.
It's hard enough managing
two kids of that age,
but imagine how difficult
it is to do that alone.
It hit me towards the end of the trip how hard
it must have been for my mom to raise us.
Not just because of the
work and the responsibilities,
but also to be the only
adult living in that household.
Like to have no other adult to confide in
or talk to or support you
in any difficult moment.
I realized how lonely that must have felt.
That's something that
I didn't ever think about
because I thought my mom always
had us to keep her company.
But as an adult now, I get it.
I see the other perspectives now.
Another perspective I'm grateful for is
to see how to keep a loving marriage
after three decades.
The oldest couple was also celebrating
their 29th wedding anniversary.
The two had met in college and then went on
to build many successful businesses
together over their career.
And now they're retired and enjoying life
in their own way, which includes spending it
with people they care about.
I've gotten to know this
couple a little more this year
through a couple trips that we've taken.
They actually took me out in Shanghai
when I was there because they happen to live
both in Shanghai and LA.
Bi-continental, another one of my dreams.
They are so generous and good-hearted.
I'm learning a lot by the example they set.
They're an example of what it looks like
to build success and abundance and then
share it with those around you.
It's inspiring to me.
In a way, in this trip, I got to revisit
my past and preview my future.
And I am here standing in my present moment.
These experiences help me reflect,
process old emotions,
see new perspectives, and heal.
They help me preview the future
and manifest a beautiful, successful,
abundant, and loving future because
I can see what that looks like in reality.
Seeing is believing.
If there's anything you wish
to manifest for the future,
try to find real life
examples of it being possible.
Once you see that something
is possible for others,
it shifts your mindset to believe
that it's also possible for you.
The more you see it,
the more you believe it.
So, go out and find as many examples
of your dreams as possible.
I'm grateful that life
has unexpectedly shown me
new ways and new possibilities in my life
and that I get to preview and
experience it myself in real time.
That's such a blessing.
Life is also doing the same for you
if you choose to pay attention.
The lessons are everywhere.
The opportunities for new perspectives,
mindset shifts, identity expansion are all here.
They're right in front of you
when you're ready for them.
What's a recent perspective shift
that's opened up your mind?
Let me know in the
comments down below.
If you'd like to watch more, you can check out
the Diary of Becoming series playlist
linked in the card and description below.
Also, please subscribe to this channel
if you haven't already.
By the way, thank you so much for
your comments and love on my last video
about healing my father wound.
It meant so much to share that video
and to read about your own healing journeys.
So, I'm sending you all so so much love
and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.
[Music]
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