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(relaxing music)

Hello, my loves. Welcome back to Lavendaire.

And welcome back to another episode

in Our Transform Your Life series.

I decided to do another setup today.

Let me know if you like this.

And it's the first time

I'm holding this mic, like, handheld.

I thought it looks cool.

We'll see how it goes.

I feel like it's more official this way.

Anyway, we have been posting every single Wednesday

about all the different ways

that you can transform your life in 2025.

And today is a very important episode

because we're talking about mindsets and beliefs.

How do we transform our mindset and our beliefs

to support us and to help us thrive?

Because so much of our reality,

so much of our life is filtered by our mindset.

It's influenced by our beliefs,

and you really have to understand what's happening in here,

clear it up, get it right,

so that you can move forward and create your dream life.

Before we get started,

make sure you subscribe to this channel

and you click that bell

so you're notified of all of our new videos

on personal growth and lifestyle design.

And also if you missed any other videos

in this Transform Your Life series,

the playlist is here and down below.

So today we're gonna cover self-talk,

growth mindsets, overcoming limiting beliefs,

and integrating new positive beliefs.

So, like all of our other videos,

we have a free Notion template with a prompt

so you can journal along with this video.

The link is down below. You just sign up.

You'll get a link to the Notion template

where you can like, duplicate the template

and use it to do your journaling.

So, let's get into the first section, self-talk.

In order to transform your mindset,

you have to be aware of your self-talk.

And if your self-talk is negative,

then you have to change your self-talk to positive.

Our self-talk is that little voice in your head.

Everybody has it.

It doesn't shut up. You cannot control it.

It just has thoughts, like,

we think thousands of thoughts throughout the day,

and our brain literally is like its own thing, right?

We can control our thoughts sometimes,

but other times things just come up.

So anyway, knowing how to manage your self-talk

is something that is a really, really crucial skill in life,

because number one, that voice influences how we feel.

It influences our actions, it influences our confidence.

It really influences everything in your life

and your reality and you as a person.

So, you really want to be able to get a hold of that

and start to be intentional with your self-talk

instead of letting it be chaotic and ruin your life.

So, the first step to becoming aware of your self-talk

is simply pay attention.

And when I say pay attention, it's being mindful.

That's what people talk about,

well, it's one part of why people talk about mindfulness.

So you have to start paying attention

to what exactly this voice is saying throughout the day.

Start taking notes, start writing things down.

When you notice a thought come up,

whether it's positive or negative,

be like, hmm, that's interesting.

Let me, like, note that down.

Like, do this for a week.

And then you'll start to have, like,

evidence of what your actual thoughts

and what your self-talk looks like.

And oftentimes that awareness is enough to be like,

oh, like, I like this and I don't like this.

Like, it's not healthy for me

to be so critical of myself in this way.

So, awareness really is the first step.

Like, pay attention what is happening over here.

Once you are aware of your self-talk,

then you can begin to change it.

Then you can start to make a new choice.

I'm going to choose not to speak to myself in that way.

I'm going to choose to speak to myself

with love and positivity, kindness and support.

This is why positive affirmations are so huge.

I love doing them.

I know for some people it feels fake at first,

but to me, your brain really is a muscle

where you have to train it.

And I guess start small, right?

Start with a phrase that you do believe in, right?

I am a good person.

I am kind.

Even like, I can be nicer to myself, right?

Like, something that's like, realistic,

and something that you're not gonna reject completely.

Start with those types of statements

and then write it down,

literally like, after you have your list of self-talk

that's negative and you're aware of it,

then just like, flip it.

What's the positive version of it?

And start to say that to yourself.

Start to repeat that to yourself in the mirror,

or listen to an audio of affirmations,

or journal it down.

Like, have a time where you just like, journal,

like, positive things that you say to yourself,

things that you wish your self-talk sounded like.

Why don't you just sit down and try?

Let me just journal and say nice things to me.

Like, let's see what happens.

The more you do this,

the more comfortable and second nature it's going to become,

and the more that that voice

is going to become your real voice.

Your brain is like a muscle.

Like I said, it's not something

that you can shock right away and change right away,

but through baby steps, through small actions

that eventually like,help your brain grow,

help you build those new neural pathways,

eventually you can change your brain,

you can change your self-talk and your mind.

So the prompt that I have for you on Notion

is to recognize the negative self-talk

that you say to yourself,

and then find the positive version,

like the positive affirmation

that you are going to start speaking to yourself.

So after you do that exercise,

I just want you to comment down below,

what is the one most important positive affirmation

that you are going to speak to yourself this week?

Like, what is that one phrase you're going to repeat

to ingrain into your brain?

All right, step two is to adopt a growth mindset.

So, for those of you who have seen my videos

on growth mindset before, you already know this,

but it's one of those like,

very important foundational concepts

that everyone should know,

that there is such a thing called growth mindset,

and there's such a thing called a fixed mindset.

And what we want to do is embody a growth mindset.

So, what is a growth mindset?

Basically, a growth mindset is having a mindset

that you believe you can grow and change,

and there's no limits to how you can grow and change.

A fixed mindset on the other hand

is believing that some things about you are fixed

and you cannot change them, right?

It's like when people say, oh, I'm not good at sports,

or, I have no talent for music.

I have no creativity.

I'm not a creative person.

I just can't do that, right?

When you have a fixed mindset,

you're automatically like, closing the door on opportunity.

You're closing the door on just like, a possibility.

And why would you ever have a mindset

that limits you, right?

Like, if you can adopt a mindset where anything is possible,

even though I might not be the best at this,

I can still grow, I can still change,

I can still make some progress,

even if it's a little bit, right?

So, having a growth mindset

is so much more powerful than a fixed mindset

because it means that everything about you can change.

And when you believe something is possible,

then it can come true.

Like, that's literally the first step to changing your life,

is to believe it is possible,

to believe you can change.

So, if you're trying to transform your life,

transform your mindset,

you have to have to make sure

that you adopt the growth mindset.

So, the exercise here is to try to recognize the things

that you might be telling yourself

that might be rooted in a fixed mindset.

So, like, really ask yourself,

do I truly believe that I can change my life?

Do I truly believe I have everything it takes to transform

and become the person that I wanna be,

to create the life that I wanna live?

Do I believe it, or is there a part of me that doubts it?

Is there a part of me that is fearful,

that doubts myself, that believes it's not possible?

So, really investigate that.

Investigate where you have a fixed mindset

or a mindset rooted in fear,

anything that could be blocking you

from truly believing that it's possible.

So, after you identify where you might have a fixed mindset,

it's also really helpful to just know these phrases

that help you embody a more growth mindset.

So you know how, like,

when you're approaching something new in life,

or someone's trying to teach you something,

or maybe you encounter, I don't know, a life experience,

a lot of times people are like,

oh, I already know this,

or, I already learned this lesson.

And so when you have that mindset of,

I already know this, I don't need to hear it,

there's nothing new for me here,

you're closing yourself again.

You're closing the door.

So instead of, I already know this,

start to come to life with a mindset of,

what can I learn from this?

Even if you've been through

the same thing before many, many times,

there's always some new aspect to life, right?

There's always something new that you could be learning.

So, what can I learn from this?

What else is there?

Be curious instead of assuming that you know everything

and that mindset will help you grow so much more.

Step three, work on overcoming your limiting beliefs.

So, this is a very big thing

because it's not as easy as,

I'm gonna do this exercise and my limiting beliefs are gone.

No, it is something that takes work, it takes effort,

and it takes time to truly let go of these beliefs

that are holding us back.

So, a limiting belief is just any belief

that you've picked up at some point in your life

that is holding you back.

And this belief is not necessarily true,

I would say 9,

okay, 10 out of 10 times,

it's probably not true.

So, knowing that it is not true

and yet it is holding you back,

that is where the problem lies

because you are allowing these limiting beliefs

to hold you back from becoming

your fullest version of yourself,

living your best life.

And that is why it's so important

to first identify these beliefs.

Like, start to ask yourself, okay,

what beliefs might be holding me back?

This might take a while

because sometimes we're not aware of our limiting beliefs.

Sometimes life happens

and it reveals our limiting beliefs to us.

And when that does happen,

take note, don't ignore it, right?

Like, you see that this is holding you back.

Anyway, the first step

is identifying the negative limiting belief.

Second is, where did this belief come from?

And third is, is this belief true?

And like I said, most of the time,

almost all the time, the belief is not true.

And so what you wanna do instead

is once you're aware that you have this limiting belief,

then you just flip it.

What's the positive version of this limiting belief?

If the limiting belief is,

I'm not good enough, I'm never good enough,

then the positive version is,

I am good enough, I am always good enough.

Then you have something to work with

because now you know what you wanna let go of

and you know what you want to adopt.

So, having that list of positive beliefs

that you're working on adopting is really powerful

because like I said, it's not gonna happen overnight,

but it's a process.

It's a process of like,

rewiring your brain to believe the positive belief

and letting go of the negative belief.

The reason why the negative belief

has grown so strong in your life

is because someone or something happened to you

that implanted that belief,

that little insecurity.

And the more times you encountered something in life,

maybe you failed at something, or maybe you felt criticized,

like, any time you encountered something negative,

it made that negative limiting belief stronger.

And that happens to the best of us.

It literally happens to all of us.

So, this is why some people beat themselves up so much

when they make a small mistake,

while others who have a more positive mindset

can just be like, oh, I made a mistake.

It's okay. I still feel good enough.

I'm still proud of myself.

Let me just pick myself up and keep going, right?

Like, that's such a big difference

because one has a limiting belief

that really is holding them back,

and the other also made the same exact mistake,

but their limiting belief is not that strong.

And instead they're supporting themselves

with a positive belief,

and so they're able to move forward with grace.

So, wouldn't you want to be the latter?

Moving on to step four,

it's time to integrate your new positive beliefs.

So, I'm gonna break this down into three steps.

One is repetition,

number two is action,

and number three is reflection.

So first, you want to repeat this new positive belief

as much as possible in whatever way

you can get through to your brain.

So, if you are a visual person,

put it on your phone,

put it on your notes, stick it on your wall,

write it on your mirror so you see it every day.

If you're an audio person,

I don't know what the word is, but audio,

so, just listen to yourself speak that belief.

Like, maybe record yourself

and record yourself saying it

over and over again and just play it.

Play it while you're getting ready.

Play it while you're driving.

If you're a journaling type of person,

then take some time to write out that belief.

Either write it over and over again,

or write a journal entry, like, the belief,

and then write all the different ways

where you're describing this belief,

how it makes you feel,

how it changes how you show up in the world,

like, I don't know, describe it, right?

Do everything, work around it, work with it,

and just keep doing that

until it feels stronger and stronger.

Number two is action.

So, you have to integrate your new positive belief

through action.

You have to make it real and concrete.

So, how do you do this?

So, depending on what your belief is,

you have to tie it with specific actions

that help support that belief.

You wanna give your belief evidence

and prove to yourself that it is real.

Prove to yourself that it's possible

and it is a part of you.

It is your identity.

So for example, if your new belief is,

I'm confident, I'm glowing, right,

then what are the actions that that looks like?

Maybe it's like, oh, I have to take the action to, like,

get ready, like, put on an outfit that I feel confident in,

and then raise my hand and speak in the meeting,

or like, give a presentation with confidence.

Like, you have to actually go out and do the thing,

and the more that you go out and do the thing,

the more you're proving to yourself that it's real.

Number three is reflection.

So as you are making a change,

you want to make sure that you're making time for reflection

to see if you're actually doing the thing,

to see if you're actually on the right track.

Like, is what I'm doing actually working?

So if you are, like,

doing the affirmations and the journaling

and the taking action,

like, take time every week to reflect on,

what did I do this week to integrate this new belief?

And is it working?

Like, how do I feel at this moment?

Do I feel like I believe in myself

a little more this week than I did last week?

Maybe how did I feel last month?

So if you want, you can rate yourself, like, 1 to 10,

how much do I truly believe in this belief right now?

And week to week, you can see whether you are improving,

whether you're progressing, or whether you're not.

And it doesn't have to be, like, linear,

like, you're making progress every week.

But the point is, when you reflect,

you are, like, checking in to see

that there is some progress.

It doesn't have to be perfect,

but it's some progress, right?

And it's okay if you have some, like,

low weeks where you backtrack, too.

That's totally okay. It's all part of the journey.

That brings me to my last point,

which is simply to focus on progress, not perfection.

It's all about just showing up, making an effort,

just doing your best, just trying.

Just be as consistent as you can

integrating these new beliefs,

and be aware of when you fall back

into your old negative beliefs.

Sometimes we just have those weeks

that we just feel terrible

and we go back into, like,

our negative self-talk, all of that stuff.

But what matters is, okay, what happens after that?

How did you change?

Like, how did you respond to that negativity, right?

Did you stay in it for a whole month,

or did you pick yourself back up the next day,

or the next week, and tell yourself,

I'm gonna try better.

I'm gonna just make an effort to, like,

switch it a little bit.

There's something that I talked to in an interview I did

with Mimi Bouchard of Superhuman.

That interview is not out yet,

but she talks about having a very quick bounce back rate.

And that simply means, like, how fast can you bounce back?

Because we all fall down, we all make mistakes,

it happens to literally every single one of us.

But what, like, makes us different from each other

is how quickly we pick ourselves back up.

So, is your bounce back rate a day?

Do you have to give yourself, like,

a whole night to just, like, veg out on the couch,

or can it be like, 30 minutes, 15 minutes, right?

Like, time yourself. Give yourself a time.

Okay, I'm gonna feel this feeling

and then maybe I'll just bounce back tomorrow,

or maybe I'll bounce back in an hour.

So, think about that.

What is your bounce back rate,

and focusing on progress, not perfection.

All right. I hope you liked today's video.

If it was helpful, please share it with your friends,

and make sure you check out the other videos

in our Transform Your Life Series.

Last week we did a really nice year-end reflection

guided meditation journaling session.

I really, really like that meditation.

So, if you haven't done it yet, go check it out and do it.

And we have planning videos for 2025.

Yeah, super excited so that we get

a really good start to our new year.

Next week, we have a really good video as well.

It's on building self-confidence

and changing your self-perception.

All right, until next time,

love you so much.

Bye.

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