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♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything... ♪
(gentle piano music)
December 17th, 2024. Winter is upon us.
I've been hearing about this
concept of having a winter arc,
using this period of winter
to lock in and focus on yourself, your goals,
and your growth in a way that's hidden
and kept to yourself.
I can honestly relate, and I feel like I've been doing this
for a lot of this year.
There's so much of my life
that I don't share on social media.
As I get older, I also notice
that I share online less and less,
and that can be confusing for someone
who's been a content creator for a decade.
It doesn't mean I'm not happy or excited
about what's happening in my life,
it's just that after healing
through my need for external validation,
I feel less of a need to prove myself
or show others what I'm doing.
I call it "quietly living my best life."
I'm in a season of focus and quiet growth,
of nurturing myself every day in all the ways,
having clear career goals,
working consistently on my health goals,
and making a lot of space for self-care,
my friends and family, and activities that bring me joy.
I'm trying to live a well-rounded life,
a life that feels meaningful, a life that I'm proud of.
To me, that means to give attention and energy
to all the areas of life that fulfill me,
from health and self-care, to
prioritizing seeing my friends
or making space for music in my everyday.
(upbeat funk music)
(loud popping)
(upbeat funk music)
Here's a little bit about the workbook,
it's meant to help you reflect on the past year,
plan the new year, and it's based off of a system
that I created for myself for many years.
(gentle piano music)
A theme for your year is kind of a general intention,
it's the energy you wanna invite into your year.
What do you think you need?
Maybe you need confidence, maybe you need self-love,
or maybe you need to be more social
and reach out to your family and friends.
Think about what energy you
want, next year, to embody.
Moving on to the next prompt on that page,
so how do you wanna feel in 2025?
And this is more focused on the feeling
that you want to feel when you are your ideal future self.
What are the feelings that you
wanna invite into your life?
Like, maybe you wanna feel proud of yourself,
maybe you wanna feel satisfied at work,
maybe you want to feel joyful or loving,
so focus on the feelings, and that's what's going
to attract the right opportunities
and the right things for you.
Before we move on, does anyone wanna share
their theme that they put for 2025?
Oh, go for it. Say it again.
(indistinct)
Nice.
Yay, thanks for sharing.
- [Person] Confident momentum...
(indistinct)
- Love it, confident momentum. Yay.
Okay, let's get one more from this side.
- [Person] I said,
"Appreciate the journey."
- Ah, appreciate the journey.
Nice, thank you for sharing.
- You put such a vibe and community around self-care,
wellness, and mindfulness,
do you mind sharing a little bit about, like,
why you want to start this journey
and share it with the world,
and how it has evolved over time?
- Yeah.
Okay, so my YouTube story
is I actually have been creating on YouTube
since, like, December, 2007, it's a long time,
and so, I started this channel 2014,
so actually, it was the first wave of YouTube
where I saw people start posting, like, cover songs,
and so, as a hobby in high school,
I started posting me playing
piano, and then, me singing,
and then, that was just a hobby
for, like, my life throughout college, and I went to USC
and I thought I was gonna go
into, like, a corporate career,
but what happened in college
after doing all these internships was I was really lost,
I was, like...
My parents and society's telling me to go this path,
but it doesn't feel right, and I don't know
what I should do with my life, and so, I...
After I graduated, I kind of explored
a lot of creative avenues,
'cause I knew I wanted to live a more creative life.
You know, I explored music,
I explored acting and event-organizing,
and throughout that time,
I got really into self-development,
so I decided to start a new blog,
a new YouTube channel that was dedicated
to talking about the things I was learning
and really interested in, like how to improve yourself,
how to gain confidence, how to find your purpose,
'cause these were topics that I couldn't find on YouTube,
and so, I decided to, yeah,
start the new YouTube channel
and share my journey, and then, from there,
this journey of growing the channel and brand.
- Yeah, that's super cool, I feel like...
(gentle piano music)
(loud popping)
(gentle piano music)
(gentle funk music)
(faintly speaking)
(gentle funk music)
- All right, so I am here at SF with Wilson,
I came here to speak at YouTube.
I was basically too busy and frantic this morning
to get there on time, and there
was traffic and everything,
so I couldn't really vlog,
but yeah, I just finished speaking,
I came for YouTube Summit,
it's basically, like, a two-day summit
where they invite different creators to speak,
and I hosted a journaling workshop
where we used the Artist of Life workbook
and did some new-year journaling, so it was pretty fun
to, like, see people journal in the workbook,
and it's also...
Like, the event was also streamed
to, like, multiple YouTube offices,
I think in the U.S., and then, one in Switzerland,
so we had to send our workbooks
to all the different offices,
so I think that's kind of the most rewarding part,
just knowing that, you know,
people are out there using my workbook,
and, yeah, it was just, like, a nice, little quick session,
little fun experience,
and now, I'm excited because I'm done with work
and I get to explore SF, Wilson hasn't been here in years,
so we're just gonna eat and explore and have fun.
(upbeat guitar music)
(loud popping)
(faintly speaking)
Or should we try this...?
The small one first?
- [Wilson] Thank you.
(upbeat guitar music)
(loud popping)
(upbeat guitar music)
(loud popping)
(upbeat guitar music)
(upbeat guitar music continues)
(loud popping)
(upbeat guitar music)
(loud popping)
(upbeat guitar music)
- Okay, so I love when I have a whole gym to myself,
especially when there are, like, a lot of mirrors.
I was here to work out, and I started playing music,
and then, I started dancing, I'm like, "You know what?
I'm just gonna dance in here." (laughs)
I've been learning...
I learned JENNIE's mantra dance
and I'm like, "Let me just practice it." (laughs)
♪ To an In-N-Out drive-by ♪
♪ It's not that deep, I'm not that drunk ♪
♪ Sometimes, girls just gotta have fun ♪
♪ Make you wanna swing both ways ♪
♪ Love what it feel like ♪
I'm not great at the ending, but it's really fun.
I used to dance, like, choreography,
like, hip-hop dance, it's been a while,
so now, it's, like, up to me to, like, learn dances
and just do it by myself. (laughs)
But I don't usually have, like, giant mirrors,
so I love having a giant mirror here to practice.
♪ You gonna feel us every day ♪
♪ This that pretty-girl mantra, this that flaunt you ♪
♪ Just touched down in LA ♪
♪ Pretty girls don't do drama, 'less we wanna ♪
♪ It'll be depending on the day ♪
♪ Pretty girls packed in a Defender, know I'ma defend her ♪
♪ Never let her catch no stray ♪
♪ This that pretty-girl mantra, she's that stunner ♪
♪ Make you wanna swing both ways ♪
♪ Love what it feel like ♪
♪ To be off of the grid, like, all night ♪
(gentle electronic music)
(loud popping)
(gentle electronic music)
It's so funny how you can be living your best life
and so happy, and yet, no one online can tell
if you aren't really showing it.
While someone else may look like
they're living their best life online,
but it's only a facade masking the private struggles
they're dealing with.
You really can't judge a book by its cover.
Everyone is fighting their own battles, so be kind,
and also, don't believe everything you see online.
Don't let it make you feel small.
All right, I'm in the mood to dance, clearly.
I have a dance, like, workout playlist on YouTube,
so I think I'm just gonna do that.
(loud popping)
It's so fun, by the way, these videos, if you like K-pop.
I'm not saying that I haven't had my difficult moments
this past year, because, of course, I have, I'm human,
but I've also enjoyed so many beautiful moments
and experienced so much growth
that I've kept to myself,
not because I'm trying to hide,
but because I just didn't feel the need to share.
That's the "lock in and focus on yourself,
your growth, and your joy" vibe
that I've experienced this year,
celebrating myself quietly for all my little wins,
like the growth of my voice
through taking vocal lessons
or the positive changes in my body
after months of a new fitness routine.
Even something like learning
a new dance choreography,
which I haven't done in a while, but makes me so happy,
these are typical things that bring me joy
that I really don't share on social media
or even with the people in my life.
If it wasn't for this vlog,
I wouldn't really have an outlet to share them at all.
(upbeat pop music)
♪ Yeah, I feel it in my body ♪
(loud popping)
My point is, live for yourself
and do everything you can to support yourself
as you create your best life.
There's nothing you need to prove,
you're not doing it for others,
you don't need their approval.
Do it for yourself.
Craft all the little details for yourself,
your satisfaction, your fulfillment.
Your life doesn't need to look a certain way
or be a certain way,
it just needs to be beautiful to you.
(gentle electronic music)
(loud popping)
(gentle electronic music)
Hello?
Oh, sorry, you texted me,
I'm at the gym with Wilson right now.
- [Wilson] Who's that?
(person laughing)
(gentle electronic music)
(loud clicking)
I've been singing a lot lately,
basically, my life in December is "Wicked,"
Rose's new album, and then, I just discovered
a new Bella Poarch song that is so pretty,
I just learned it on the piano today.
I literally found it, like, two days ago,
it's called "Sweet Delusion," like, an acoustic version.
She sounds so pretty in the song.
Anyway, I've been learning it
and I might just play a little bit.
(gentle piano music)
♪ It's the way you say you're such a gentleman ♪
♪ It's the time you take to give me compliments ♪
♪ It's love, it's love, it's the beginning ♪
(gentle piano music)
♪ It's a fantasy, better than being alone ♪
♪ Keep me company, don't you ever let go ♪
♪ Lose my sanity and get lost in the smoke ♪
♪ 'Cause reality is inevitable ♪
(gentle piano music)
(Aileen vocalizing)
(gentle piano music)
(Aileen vocalizing)
(gentle piano music)
Isn't it so pretty?
I can't do the piano beat while singing,
so I have to just chord it,
but it's always so much easier
singing without the piano,
it just makes it harder when
I'm playing piano and singing,
but I love the song 'cause it has, like, the low register,
which sounds so good, and then, the high parts that...
I don't usually use that part of my voice, but the falsetto,
the vibrato is, like, so pretty.
(Bella vocalizing)
Her voice is so pure.
♪ It's the way you say ♪
♪ It's the way you say ♪
♪ It's love, it's love, it's the beginning ♪
I love that note.
♪ Beginning ♪
It's the seventh note.
♪ Sweet delusion, forever all-consuming ♪
(gentle piano music)
♪ It's a fantasy, better than being alone ♪
♪ Keep me company, don't you ever let go ♪
♪ Lose my sanity and get lost in the smoke ♪
That sounds better.
♪ Is inevitable ♪
Ooh, that's pretty too.
(gentle piano music)
It's supposed to be that one.
♪ 'Cause... ♪
Okay.
♪ 'Cause reality is inevitable ♪
(person vocalizing)
Oh, so pretty.
Okay, so that's, like,
one of my favorite songs to sing right now.
You know what? I just realized I could...
Oh, yeah, there's a piano song too.
♪ Tell me that I'm special, tell me I look pretty ♪
♪ Isn't it lonely, lonely ♪
♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything to make you want me ♪
Okay.
♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything to make you want me ♪
(person vocalizing)
♪ Tell me that I'm special ♪
Okay, let me try to do the first.
♪ Tell me that I'm special, tell me I look pretty ♪
♪ Say, say what I'm dying to hear ♪
(gentle piano music)
♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything to make you want me ♪
♪ I'd give it all up if you told me that I'd be ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
♪ Tell me that you need me, tell me that I'm loved ♪
♪ Tell me that I'm worth it, that I'm enough ♪
Oof.
♪ That I'm enough ♪
(Aileen mimicking crying)
Those lyrics.
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
Actually, now that I'm ending here, it was in G major.
I got confused because I kept going back to D.
For my music peoples, it's in G.
♪ This late at night ♪
Okay, I get the chorus now.
(Aileen clapping)
I get it now.
It's the same for the verse on the chorus.
(gentle piano music)
♪ Tell me that I'm special, tell me I look pretty ♪
♪ Tell me I'm a little angel, sweetheart of your city ♪
♪ Say what I'm dying to hear ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm dying to hear you ♪
♪ Tell me I'm that new thing, tell me that I'm relevant ♪
♪ Tell me I got a big heart ♪
♪ Then back it up with evidence ♪
♪ I need it and I don't know why ♪
♪ This late at night ♪
♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything to make you want me ♪
♪ I'd give it all up if you told me that I'd be ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
♪ Your one and only ♪
♪ So what's it gonna take for you to want me ♪
♪ I'd do anything that you told me ♪
That's kinda too low.
♪ That I'd be, that I'd be ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
♪ I'm dying to hear you ♪
♪ Tell me that need me, tell me that I'm loved ♪
♪ Tell me that I'm worth it, that I'm enough ♪
♪ I need it and I don't know why ♪
♪ Isn't it lonely ♪
♪ I'd do anything to make you want me ♪
♪ I'd give it all up if you told me that I'd be ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
♪ Your one and only ♪
♪ So what's it gonna take for you to want me ♪
♪ I'd give it all up if you told me that I'd be ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
♪ The number-one girl in your eyes ♪
Gonna end it like that.
(gentle piano music)
That was so fun,
that was fun to figure that song out together.
All right, my loves,
what are your goals for your winter arc?
Let me know down below.
Thanks so much for watching
and for supporting this "Diary of Becoming" series.
If you'd like to watch more,
I'll have the playlist link in the card and down below.
It's my last diary of the year,
and this might be the last one for a while
as I focus my channel on more
of my main content in 2025,
but we'll see where the new year takes us.
All right, sending you lots of love
and wishing you a happy new year, bye.
(relaxed funk music)
(relaxed funk music continues)
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