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[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
la
[Music]
no no no no we're done we're done you be
more out of my league Ross back me up
here he can ever get a woman like that
in a million years thank you
buddy oh oh but you know you always see
these really beautiful women with these
really nothing guys you could be one of
those
guys you could do that yeah absolutely
oh God I can't believe I'm even
considering this I'm very very aware of
my tongue come on come on here
goes yes hi um okay next word would be
uh
Chandler Chandler is my name and uh
hi yes you said that yes yes I did but
what I didn't say was what I was about
to say what I wanted to say was uh would
you like to go out with me sometime
thank you good
[Music]
night hey who's this little naked guy uh
that little naked guy would be
me a look at the little thing
yes yeah it's fine that is my
penis can we be grown-ups
now who are those people got me oh
that's Nana right there in the middle
wow yeah let's see me and the Gang at
Java
Joe's wow Monica you look just like your
grandmother how old was she there
1939 yeah uh 24 25 huh it's like a fun
gang
oh look look look look look I got Monica
naked no no that would be me
again I'm uh just trying
something oh hey don't do that it's
worse than the
song Hey this is so unfair oh why is it
un this is so I have a flaw big deal
like Joey's constant knuckle cracking
isn't annoying and Ross with his over
pronouncing every single word and Monica
with that snort when she laughs I mean
what the hell is that
thing I accept all those flaws why can't
you accept me for
this does the knuckle cracking bother
everybody well
well I I could live without
it was it like a little Annoying or is
it like when Phoebe chews her
head oh now don't listen to him phes all
right I think it's endearing oh you do
do
you you know there's nothing wrong with
speaking correctly indeed there there
[Music]
isn't I should really get back to work
yeah otherwise someone might get what
they actually ordered
well the hair comes out and the gloves
come
off with
this looks like she didn't leave in such
a hurry after all oh I think this is the
episode of Three's Company where there's
some kind of misunderstanding
then I've already seen this
one are you through with
that yeah sorry the swallowing slowed me
down whose little ball of paper is this
oh that would be mine see uh I wrote a
note to myself and then I realized I
didn't need the note so I balded it up
and now I wish I was
dead she already fuff that pillow Monica
you know you already fuff but it's
fine look I'm sorry guys I just don't
want to give them any more ammunition
than they already have yes and we all
know how cruel a parent can be about the
flatness of a child's
pillow Monica hi
um Monica um you're scaring
me I mean you're like you're like all
chaotic and twirly you know and not not
in a good
way yeah calm down you don't see Ross
getting all chaotic and twirly every
time they come that's because as far as
my parents are concerned ER Ross can do
no wrong you see he's the prince
apparently they had some big ceremony
before I was
[Music]
[Music]
born oh ra we're running low on resumes
over here do you really want to job with
Popular Mechanics well if you're going
to work for mechanics those are the ones
to work
for hey look you guys I'm going for
anything here okay I cannot be a
waitress anymore I mean it sick of the
lousy tips sick of being called excuse
me RA did you proofread
these uh yeah why uh nothing I'm sure
they'll be impressed with your excellent
compuer
skills oh my god oh do you think it's on
all of
them oh no I'm sure there zero Rock
Machine caught a fuel so what do you
think I think it's the most beautiful
table I've ever seen I know so how does
this work going to balance the plates on
these little guys heads who cares we'll
eat at the sink come
on heads up Ross score you
suck hey hey
hey and this from the CRI cry for Health
Department are you wearing makeup
yes I am as of today I am officially
Joey tribiani actor/model thank you
that's so funny because I was thinking
you look more like Joey triani man/woman
what were you modeling for oh you know
those posters for the city free clinic
oh wow so you're going to be one of
those healthy healthy healthy guys you
know the asthma guy is really
cute do you know which one you're going
to be no no but I hear lme disease is
open so you know
good luck man I hope you get it
thanks well you were right how can they
do this to us huh it's
Thanksgiving okay I tell you what how
about if I cook dinner at my place I'll
make it just like moms will you make the
mashed potatoes with the
lumps you know they're not actually
supposed to I'll work on the
lumps Joey you're going home right yeah
and I assume Chan you're still
boycotting all the pilgrim
holidays yes every single one of
them and Phoebe you're going to be with
your grandma Yeah and and her boyfriend
but we're celebrating Thanksgiving in
December cuz he's
Lunar hey CH look at the window there's
my name hi
me I remember the day I got my first
paycheck there was a cave in in one of
the mines and eight people were
killed wow you worked in a m
I worked at a Dairy Queen
why God isn't this exciting I earned
this I wiped tables for it I steamed
milk for it and it was
totally not worth
it who's F why is he getting all my
money I mean what Chandler look at
that oh this is not that bad oh you're
fine yeah for first job job you can
totally totally live on this oh yeah
yeah hey by the way great
Serv what nothing nothing just Your
Overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent
musberger
check it out Giants
Cowboys you're watching a football game
at a funeral no it's the pregame I'm
going to watch it at the reception
you are a frightening frightening
man oh no my new poo shoes oh I hope
they're not
ruined okay God what a great
day what
weatherwise I know
you the air the the
trees even though Nana's gone there's
there's something almost uh I don't know
almost like
I'm fine I'm
fine just just having my worst fear
realized but don't tell me don't tell
me decaf cappuccino for
Joey coffee
black
latte and a nice tea I'm getting pretty
good at this
excellent good for me
[Laughter]
I got to tell you I love your mom's
books I love her books I cannot get on a
plane without one I mean this is so cool
yeah well you wouldn't think it's cool
if you're 11 years old and all your
friends are passing around page 79 of
mistress
[ __ ] hey hey hey she's
[Applause]
oning before we get to the book now now
what is this about you you being
arrested in London what is that all
about your mom was arrested sh busy
beaming with pride okay this is kind of
embarrassing but occasionally after I've
been intimate with the man now why would
you say that's
embarrassing I just get this craving for
kungpow chicken that's too much
information all right so now you're
doing this whole book tour thing how is
that going oh fine I'm leaving for New
York
tomorrow which I hate but I get to see
my son who I
love this is the way that I find out
most moms use the
phone you know don't take this wrong I I
just don't see you as a mom somehow I
don't mean that I don't mean that bad oh
no I am a fabulous mom I got my son his
first
condoms and then he burst into flame you
know what I just realized
Joker is poker with a
J
coincidence hey that's that's Joe
incidence with a
c Ben you ready yeah all right give me
your foot okay okay on three Ben one two
three Come on B okay that's it Ben okay
okay what are you
seeing well Susan I it appears to be a
dark
vent wait yes it is in fact a dark
vent babes it's open it's
open wait you forgot your
legs where have you
been long story honey all right Carol I
need you to keep pushing I need to I I
need excuse me can I have
this all right all right there's a few
too many people in this room there's
about to be one more so anybody who's
not an ex-husband or a lesbian life
partner out you
go good luck you guys good luck Lu let
me ask you do you have to be Carol's
lesbian life
partner sorm of confetti here inare
there you go
kids and then the peacock bit
me please kiss me at
midnight you seen Sandy o uh I don't
know how to tell you this but uh she's
in Monica's bedroom getting it on with
Max that scientist
geek oh look at that I didn't know how
to tell
you everybody the ball is ding
what the B is
dripping it'll be midnight and the
moment of joy is upon us looks like that
no date pack thing worked
out everybody looks so happy I hate that
not everybody's happy hey
Bobby
happy you know I uh just thought I'd
throw this out here I'm no math whz but
I believe there are three girls and
three guys right
here oh I don't feel like kissing anyone
tonight I can't kiss anyone so I'm
kissing everyone no no no you can't kiss
Ross that's your brother oh yeah perfect
perfect so now everybody's going to kiss
but me all right somebody kiss me
somebody kiss me it's midnight somebody
kiss somebody kissed me it's midnight
it's one
I have something you can do I have this
new massage client
Steve anyway um he's opening up a
restaurant and he's looking for a head
chef um hi
there hi oh yeah no I know you're a chef
I know and I thought of you first but um
Chandler's the one who needs a job right
now
so yeah I just don't have a lot of
chefing experience
unless it's an all Toast
restaurant yeah yeah well what kind of
food is he looking for well he wants to
do something eclectic so he's looking
for someone who can you know create the
entire menu oh my God yeah I know so
what do you
think thanks fee I just don't really see
myself in a big white hat
okay oh Monica guess
what oh God okay
[Applause]
what the hell are you doing you scared
the crap out of
me was that the cake yeah yeah I got a
lemon
Smo come on she'll be here any
minute hope it's okay
oh happy birthday
pee well maybe we can make a a bee out
of one of those Roses yeah we'll just
use our special cake
tools do we hey what's going
[Applause]
on this is so great how come you guys
have never played poker with us yeah
what is that like some kind of guy thing
like some kind of sexist guy thing like
it's poker so only guys can play no
women are welcome to play oh okay so
then what is it some kind of you know
like like some kind of you know like
what is
it there just don't happen to be any
women in our game yeah we just don't
happen to know any women that know how
to play poker that is such a lame excuse
I mean it's it's a typical guy response
excuse me do any of you know how to play
No but you could teach us no no
[Music]
okay so now we draw
cards so I wouldn't need any right cuz I
have a straight
congratulations okay phebs how many do
you want okay I just need two the um 10
of Spades in the six of
clubs no uh PHS you can't do you can't
wait I have the tennis spage here you
want uh no see uh you you can't do that
no no that's okay that's okay I don't
need them I'm going for fours oh
you're all right here we go got salmon
rettes and assorted crudes whoa whoa
whoa Monica what are you doing this is a
poker game you can't serve food with
more than one syllable it's got to be
like chips or dip or pretz
okay so at this point the dealer all you
know we got it we got it let's play for
real right high stakes big bucks now you
sure Phoebe just threw away Two Jacks
because they didn't look
happy hey I have a
question well uh actually not so much a
question as more of a a general
wondering
me okay okay
here
goes um well for a while now I've been
wanting to
um yes yes that's that's right little
girl
what top of the world looking down on
creation
[Applause]
[Music]
all right this is just vacine it won't
hurt ow ow sorry that was
waack poor little toti is scared to
death we should find his owner oh we
just put the poor little toti out in the
hall during the blackout she get
trampled yeah
[Music]
hi guys hey b hey hey oh oh how' It Go
um not so good he walked me to the
subway and said we should do this
again what you said we should do it
again that's good right uh no Loosely
translated we should do this again means
you will never see me
naked since when since always it's like
dating language you know like it's not
you means it is you or you're such a
nice guy means I'm going to be dating
leather wearing alcoholics and
complaining about them to
you or or you know um I think we should
see other people means I already
am and everybody knows this oh yeah
cushions the blow yeah it's like when
you're a kid and your parents put your
dog to sleep and they tell you it went
off to live on some Farm that's funny
that no because uh our parents actually
did uh send our dog off to live on a
farm uh Ross
what hello The Milner Farm in
Connecticut The Milner they had this
unbelievable farm that they horses and
then rabbits that he could Chase and
it oh my God chat CH hey hey how was the
first day oh excellent everyone was so
so nice see it pays to know the man who
wears my
shoes
me no I didn't tell anybody that I knew
you why not well because you
know they don't like
you what I thought you'd do that
nuh-uh who doesn't like me
everyone except for um no
everyone what are you talking about
don't feel bad you know they used to
like you a lot but then you got promoted
and you know now you're all like Mr Boss
Man you know Mr Bing Mr Bing boss man
Bing I can't believe it yeah yeah they
even do
you they do
me you know like um okay um could that
report be any
later I don't sound like that oh oh yeah
you do
the hills are alive with the
sound of
music my scone my
scone okay I don't sound like that that
is so not
true that is so not that is so not that
oh shut
up guys there's uh somebody I'd like you
to
meet wait wait what is that that would
be Marcel you want to say hi no no I
don't oh he is precious where did you
get him my friend bethl rescued him from
some lab that is so cruel why why would
a parent name their child
[Laughter]
bethl hey that monkey's got a Ross on
his ass
Ross is he going to live with you like
in your apartment yeah I mean it's been
kind of quiet since Carol left so why
don't you just get a roommate uh I don't
know I think you reach a certain age
having a roommate is just kind of
pathetic sorry that's that's pathet
which is sanskrit for a really cool way
to
live Chandler's coming and he says he
has like this incredible news so when he
gets here let's all act like you know
hey hey okay never mind but it was is
going to be really
good what's going on what is it so it's
a typical day at work I'm in putting my
numbers and Big L calls me into his
office and tells me he wants to make me
processing supervisor that is
congratulations so I quit why why why
why this was supposed to be a temp job
yeah Chandler you've been there for 5
years if I took this promotion it would
be like admitting that this is what I
actually do so was it a lot more money
doesn't matter I just don't want to be
one of those guys that's in his office
until 12:00 at night worrying about the
wenus the the wenus weekly estimated net
usage systems it's a processing
term oh that
weenus Ross
[Applause]
Ross I'm
here you
are
um um we were
just W what
um great now I'm having a
baby
what no I'm I'm having I'm having a baby
I'm having with the phone the phone
phone I don't know the
phone Ross I'm
hurt Marica let's go come on now people
woman in labor hey Ross look what I got
going here yeah save it for the cab
okay what are you doing what are you
doing we're going to a hospital what so
I can't look nice there might be doctors
there Joey get out of fridge all right
all
right what is that for the ride oh yeah
like in a cab you save it okay hating
this m go come on now let's go baby
coming I can't believe it I'm going to
be an ant I'm going to have like a
nephew that's nice get out let's go come
on all right all right I'm going I'm
going
here we
go hey theves guess who we saw today oh
oh fun okay um Liam n no Morey safer NOP
the woman who cuts my hair okay look
this could be a really long game your
sister Ursula oh really yeah yeah she
works over at that place uh Rifts yeah I
know oh you do because she said you guys
haven't talked in like years
yeah so um is she fat
not from where I was
standing where were you
standing um PHS so you you guys just
don't get along it's mostly just dumb
sister stuff you know I mean like
everyone always thought of her as the
pretty one you know
and oh oh she was the first one to start
walking even though I did it later that
same
day but to my parents by then it was
like yeah right what what else is
new oh my gosh Rachel why are you okay
where's poo Rome jerk missed his flight
and then your face
exploded
no okay I was at the airport getting
into a cab when this woman this blonde
planet with a pocketbook starts yelling
at me something about how it was her cab
first and then the next thing I know she
just starts starts pulling me out by my
hair you know and then I blow my attack
whistle thingy and and and three more
cabs show
up as I'm going to get into a cab she
tackles me and I hit my head on the curb
and cut my lip on my
whistles oh everybody having fun at the
party
are people eating my dip I don't know
why you're so embarrassed they were very
nice
boobies nice they were nice I mean
that's it I mean mittens are
nice okay rock hard place
[Laughter]
me you're you're so
funny he's really funny
well I wouldn't want to be there when
when the laughter
stops whoa whoa back up there
Sparky what did you mean by
that well just seems as though that
maybe you have intimacy issues you know
that you use your humor as a way of
keeping people at a
distance huh I mean hey I just met you I
don't know you from
Adam only child
right parents divorced before you hit
puberty uh-huh how did you know that
it's
textbook hey you guys you all know my
Dad hey how long you in the city just
for a couple of days I got a job Midtown
I figure I'm better off staying with the
kid than hauling my ass back and forth
on a ferry I don't know this one oh this
is my friend Roger hi hey hey good to
meet you Roger you too sir what happened
to the uh puppet guy
dad oh oh excuse me so Ros how the
[Music]
wife all for
two uh Chan the quick say something
funny
then I want you to know that there may
be some times when I'm I may not be
around um like
this but I'll still always come back
like
this and sometimes I may be away
longer like
[Music]
this but I'll still always come
back like
[Music]
this and sometimes I'll want you to
steal third and I'll go like this
[Music]
he is so amazing I know look at him
Ben
Ben hey
Ben nothing I don't think that's his
name oh look look he's closing his
eyes oh look he's opening his
eyes he doesn't do much much does
he no this is pretty much
[Music]
it you guys want to get some coffee yeah
yeah man I'll see you guys later
[Music]
oh look he's closing his eyes again
that's that's
cool how's it going right don't stare
okay she just f finished throwing his
clothes off the balcony now there's just
a lot of gesturing and arm waving okay
that is either how could you or enormous
breast here he
comes
uh I am uh to say goodbye okay bye-bye
[Laughter]
[Applause]
Paulo I really hate you for what you did
to Rachel but I still have five of these
so heated at 375 until the cheese
bubbles
conat by way I just want to tell you and
I I think I'd speak for everyone when I
say how could someone get a hold of your
credit card number I have no idea but
look how much they spent Monica would
you calm down the credit card people
said you only have to pay for the stuff
that you bought still just such Reckless
spending I think when somebody steals
your credit card they've kind of already
thrown caution to the
win wow what a geek they spent $69.95 on
a Wonder
Mop that's
[Laughter]
me oh the yuck FR he's doing it again
Marcel stop humping the land stop
humping now Marcel come come back come
here Marcel oh no no not in my room I'll
get him Ross you've got to do something
about the humping what it's it's just a
phase well that's what we said about
Joey he would you all relax it's not
that big a deal Marcel stop it Marcel
Bad Monkey what let's just say my
Curious George doll is no longer curious
[Music]
T are we greeting each other this way
now because I like
that look I cleaned I did the windows I
did the floors I been used all those
attachments on the vacuum except for
that little round one with the bristles
I don't know what that's for oh yeah
nobody knows and we're not supposed to
ask oh what do you think very clean
really looks great very clean
oh I I I see you move the green
ottoman how did that
happen I don't know I I thought it
looked better there and I and also it's
an extra Cedar on the coffee
table yeah it's
interesting but you know what just for
fun let's see what it looked like in the
old
spot just to compare
see ha well it looks good there too
let's just leave it there for a
while can't believe you tried to move
the green
ottoman thank God you didn't try to Fan
out the magazines I mean she'll scratch
your eyes right
out guys I am not that bad yeah you are
Monica remember I lived with you you
were like a little you
know that is so unfair oh come on when
we were kids yours was the only raggedy
andall that wasn't
raggedy okay so I'm responsible I'm
organized but hey I can be a
c all right you madap
gal try to imagine this the phone bill
arrives but you don't pay it right away
why not because you're a
c instead you wait until they send you a
notice
I could do that okay okay then uh you
let me go grocery shopping and I buy
laundry detergent but it's not the one
with the easy poor spout why would
someone do
that one might
wonder someone's left a glass on the
coffee table there's no coaster it's a
cold drink it's a hot day little beads
of condensation are inching their way
closer and closer to the surface of the
wood stop it
oh my God it's true who am I Monica your
mom go to bed guys all right night
Monica M you're gonna leave your shoes
out
here
uh-huh really just just casually strewn
about in that Reckless halfhazard
manner doesn't matter I'll get him
tomorrow or
not
whenever she is a
cook oh I miss you
already can you believe this happened no
no and yet it did
goodbye Janice Kiss
Me Oh Chandler
sorry oh Chandler
sorry hey Janice I'm Monica okay well
this was very
special great come see who's out
here what's going oh my God Janice hi hi
Janice is going to go away
now I'll be right back
oh Joey look who it is
whoa oh good Joey's home now this is so
much fun this is like a reunion in the
hall oh hi Ross yeah there's someone I
want you to say hi
to he just happened to call hello BR yes
that's right it's me how do you
know keep the
change thanks Lizzy sure you don't want
a pretzel no I'm fine thanks see
you
huh a
thumb I know I know I opened it up and
there it was just floating in there like
this tiny little hitchhiker
well maybe it's a contest you know like
collect all five so pretty this must
have cost him a fortune I can't believe
he did this come on Ross remember back
in college when he fell in love with
Carol and bought her that ridiculously
expensive Crystal
duck what did you just say
[Applause]
Crystal
[Applause]
duck no no no the um the love
part
FN oh my
god oh no no no no that's good just keep
rubbing your head that'll Turn Back Time
this is unbelievable I mean this is
unbelievable I know this is really
really huge no it's not it's small it's
tiny it's peed it's
we uhuh I don't think any of our lives
are ever going to be the same ever
again okay is there a mute button on
this
woman I think this is so great I mean
you en boss did you have any idea no
none I mean my first night in the city
he mentioned something about asking me
out but nothing ever happened so I just
what what else did he say I mean does he
like want to go out with me well given
that he's desperately in love with you
he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup
of coffee or
something
what all this time well I've got to talk
to him yeah he's in China the country
this flight doesn't leave for another 45
more minutes what about the time
difference from here to the airport
yes you're never going to make it well
I've got to try Rachel what are you
going to say to
him I I don't know well then maybe you
shouldn't go he's right cuz if you're
just going to like break his heart
that's the kind of thing that can wait
yeah but if it's good news you should
tell him now I don't know maybe I'll
know when I see him here look all right
does this help
[Music]
can you see my nipples through this
shirt no but don't worry I'm sure
they're still
there where are you going Mr Su man well
I have an appointment to see Dr Robert
pilman career counselor
Agogo I added the
Agogo career counselor hey you guys all
know what you want to do I
don't hey you guys in the living room
I'll know what you want to do you know
you have goals you have dreams I don't
have a dream uh the Lesser known I don't
have a dream
speech oh I love my life I love my life
a Bryant
song the meeting with that guy went
great so great he showed me where the
restaurant's going to be it's it's it's
this cute little place on 10th Street
it's not too big it's not too small it's
just right was it formerly by a blonde
woman and some bears everybody sh uh
Central Perk is proud to present the
music of Miss Phoebe
buet thanks hi um I want to start with a
song that's about that moment when you
suddenly realize what life is really all
about okay here we
[Music]
go okay thank you very much York City
has no power and the milk is getting
sour but to me it is not scary cuz I
stay away from
[Music]
dairy this guy says hello I want to kill
myself are you okay sweetie I just feel
like someone reached down my throat
grabbed my small intestine pulled it out
of my mouth and tied it around my neck
cookie Carol moved her stuff out
today let me get you some coffee
thanks no oh no no don't stop cleansing
my
aura don't just leave my aura alone
okay I'll be fine all right really
everyone I hope would be very happy no
you don't no I don't to hell with her
she left
me and you never knew she was a
lesbian no okay why does everyone keep
fixating on
that she didn't know how should I
know sometimes I wish I was a
lesbian did I say that out loud
all right Ross look you're feeling a lot
of pain right now you're angry you're
hurting can I tell you what the answer
is strip
joints come on you're single have some
hormon see but I don't want to be single
okay I just I just I just want to be
married
again and I just want a million dollars
a
[Music]
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