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hey you know what Dwight maybe we should
get our photo ID taken together that
doesn't make any sense
well saves time you know so we could
just meet in the parking lot every
morning walking together perfect smile
no I never smile if I can help it
showing ones teeth is a submission
signal in primates when someone smiles
at me all I see is a chimpanzee begging
for its life this came out really well
there you go
this is humongous I am NOT a security
threat and my middle name is Kurt not
fart what did I write I have another
complaint for Jim's permanent file talk
to Michael I gave him the box what box
[Applause]
four years are a malfeasant son reported
this okay Sam calm down no you calm down
whose head is Toby on whose side are you
hey Tim I ain't doc Campbell are me that
kind of work with Jim anymore okay maybe
he goes all right you too so one of us
is already in there today okay I am not
bluffing okay okay yes do the right
thing here Michael okay I have served
you loyally for years I deserve this you
know I do you know your ID says you're a
security threat you have till 5:00
oh look Jim there's a sales manager
position open and Stamford want me to
call Jan and tell her you're interested
I could put in a good word for you
cuz I'll still be working here everybody
transfer transfer transfer okay you two
in the conference room with me nobody
leaves until we work this out
cage match cage matches yeah they work
how could they not work if they didn't
work everybody would still be in the
cage okay so do I in your own words
someone replaced all my pens and pencils
with crayons
I suspect Jim Halpert everyone has
called me Duane all day I think Jim
Halpert paid them too yes five bucks
each and it was totally worth it this
morning I found a bloody glove in my
desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to
convince me I committed murder I think
he may be the real murderer Jim Halpert
said there was an abandoned infant in
the woman's room when I went to save the
child I saw Meredith on the can this
morning I knocked myself in the head
with the phone that actually took a
while I had to put more and more nickels
into his handset until he got used to
the weight and then I just took him all
out every time I typed my name it said
diapers just a simple macro you know
these actually don't sound that funny
one after another but he does deserve it
though by the end of the day my desk was
about two feet closer to the copier yeah
I just moved it an inch every time he
went to the bathroom and that's how I
spent my entire day that day
okay Ryan you told Toby the Creed has a
distinct old man smell I know exactly
what he's talking about i sprout mung
beans on a damp paper towel in my desk
drawer very nutritious but they smell
like death
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