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and I understand that you know you
booked online did you all book online
that's what you do now it's a movie well
it's not easy to book online it's
supposed to be easy easier than the past
will you be on the phone or queuing in
person now after book online and of
course it's a little bit easier good you
can do it from home but there are
aspects of booking online that make no
sense to me what is that little
challenge you have to go through before
we even get to the tickets that we like
a collection of out-of-focus wavy
letters behind each other coming out
from the P hello
it says can you read these legends why
am I doing this challenge I don't know
this is no fun
her you press send ago snow try these
why the [ __ ] am I doing this
by the tickets then you have to register
that's been put it everything you do now
online it balls me doesn't it when you
realize I've got to register now you see
that big registration form even I went
to the cinema the other day
let me see I don't know with my kids
Despicable Me 2 you have to register all
your information to join the views
cinema Finchley Road which is like a
mile and a half from my house you have
to put your name in your address I don't
even know why I'm giving them my address
anyway I mean I thought it would be best
that I came to you to watch the movie I
don't have you don't really need my
address I just need to know where you
are
towards Despicable Me 2 don't come to my
I have nothing I have Despicable Me 1 on
DVD
but they do have to put your address in
then you click country of your address
and every country in the world comes up
this huge big list of nations it's a
local cinema because I live in England
and you think let's hope he is there
because that's near the top but often
isn't there then you think oh it must be
Great Britain yes sometimes Great
Britain isn't even there and you think
ah [ __ ] it's the United Kingdom all the
way to you which is at the end of the
alphabet to find sometimes United
Kingdom isn't even there and they've
actually left it at the top but you
didn't realise
two minutes is what repetitive straining
syndrome just to tell them which country
you're in I'm obviously in England in
London
it's a cinema a mile and a half from my
house is coming from Uzbekistan for
example is the first one on the list
there people in Angola going I am so
sick of my local multiplex today we
should say towers - not London
they want your email address that's very
important isn't it the email address can
you confirm the email address they need
to check that you know your own email
address that's because they're so
desperate to get your email address so
they can harass you with little sales
promotions that you don't want and they
know you don't want it that's why they
make it very difficult for you to know
whether you're supposed to tick or not
tick the box which basically tells them
to leave you alone it'll say something
like if you do not want it not not not
to receive endless emails with the rest
of your life from the lives of your
children please remember to forget to
remember to run check check the non
check man check check check
launching tick box
[Applause]
transverses ooh it's the 50/50 darling
what do I do
do I check it or not ticket I've just
spent 45 minutes getting yangu 72
scrolling through every nation on earth
now I have a 50/50 by the time you get
to terms and conditions you just tick
them because let's be honest who has the
time
have you ever clicked on terms and
conditions I don't have a fortnight to
do legal reading you've missed the film
it's not even in the cinema anymore so
you just click it and hope that
everything's going to be okay but I
always get a flutter of panic I don't
know what I'm agreeing to in terms of
conditions I'm slightly worried that in
five years time or something iTunes
aren't gonna show up on my doorstep and
go we own this house now when you bought
the second series of Breaking Bad
who knew Lee passwords of authority do
you remember when you just had one
password well no I have certainly
passwords in my mind I have no idea I
have no idea when I'm confronted with me
basically I've got my original password
but now I've got variations of it
I've got like hyphens in it and numbers
at the end of it and big capitals but no
creases I hate is when you give them a
password because they want you to have a
password you suggest one and it'll go
weak [ __ ] off
that's my children's names
what's up don't you forget your password
you didn't even know you join there's a
bit forgotten
click here if you've forgotten go on
take if we forgot and you don't know
dear you've tried three times you're
locked out you're not even coming in
thinking about it five minutes think
about it come back they start asking you
questions about your life you don't even
remember giving them that information
what is your favorite dog company if I
chose a favorite mom can you throw me
back with your major name I'm trying to
go to the city but when you've done it
you feel so proud of yourself to here
with you you filled everything you look
at your registration form everything's
filled in all the little Asterix is and
you've got yes I've done it now it was
hard but I got there and you clicked
next with confidence then everything
comes back in red you [ __ ] this up
we've taken all your credit card details
away for no reason
sometimes you get time dance who the
[ __ ] am i racing against Angola going
I'll beat you come on kids you must get
to the airport
you
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