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Translate:
I'm delighted to be joined by a member of
the Chinese community
as I apologise for using the phrase
Chinese whispers
I appreciate that this is deeply offensive to the Chinese
I completely understand
why they went totally mental
I'm delighted to be joined by a mental health
campaigner
to witness my apology for using the phrase
they've gone mental
I can see some of you
are surprised that I'm apologising
but no
gone are the days when getting an apology out of me was
like
getting a fiver out of an Aberdonian, eh?
I would like to apologise to the largest Aberdonian
community
the Aberdonians
I do understand that Aberdorian feelings
are important
I'm surprised actually that our diversity officer didn't make that clear to me
honestly sometimes around here it's like the blind leading the blind
I would like to apologise to Scotland's blind community
I hear your concerns
and I promise you they will not fall on deaf ears
I would like to apologise
to the deaf community
I would like to say sorry
when I realised what I'd said I honestly had a fit
I apologise unreservedly
to all of the epileptics in Scotland for my use of the word fit
I completely understand why you've got a bee in your bonnet
I would like to apologise to anyone connected
with bees
or the wider bee community
Bees indeed are a vital part of society
I tried my best to get a statement that wouldn't offend anyone
I really did
but do you know when when me and my advisors get together honestly
it's like two bald men fighting over a comb
I would like to apologise to Scotland's bald community
of which I am a member
I would like to apologise and exonerate myself
Chief I'm sorry
Chief you're forgiven
I was particularly pleased with my final apology
because I could apologise and accept the apology
at the same time
I do like to kill two birds with one stone
I would like to apologise to the entire
avian community
for my cruel and insensitive words
I'm sorry
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