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Okay, it's ready.
Come on.
>> What's ready?
>> Just come. [laughter]
>> Oh my god.
>> Wow.
>> Hey, Monica.
>> Beautiful.
>> Oh, did you What? Did you work for two
days straight?
>> Pretty much. [laughter]
>> What What do you think of the floor?
>> I don't know. It looks the same.
You used to have carpet.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> So, I I made snacks.
Please just hang out. Okay. I'm I'm just
going to rest my eyes for just a little
bit.
[laughter]
>> Mom, do you want us to uh come back
later?
>> Oh, no, no, no. Stay, stay, stay. Just
keep talking.
I am always the hostess.
>> So, uh Rachel, what are you uh what are
you doing tonight?
>> Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at
Lorama.
>> Oh.
You uh you want to hear a freakish
coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry
there, too?
>> Who?
>> Me.
>> Was that not clear? [laughter]
>> Um hey, why don't um why don't I just
join you both there?
>> Don't you have a laundry room in your
building?
>> Yes,
I do have a laundry room in my building.
Um, but there's a rat problem.
Apparently, uh, they're attracted to the
the dryer sheets, and you know, they're
going in fine, but they're they're
coming out all all
fluffy.
>> Anyway, say 7 in.
>> Sure.
>> Coming through. Move. Move. [laughter]
>> Oh, excuse excuse me. I was kind of
using that machine.
>> Yeah. Well, now you're kind of not,
>> but I I saved it. I put my basket on
top.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your basket?
>> Yes.
>> It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I
don't see suds. [laughter]
>> What?
No suds. No save.
>> Okay. [laughter]
>> What's going on?
>> Hi. Um, nothing. This horrible woman
just took my machine.
>> Was your basket on top?
>> Yeah, but there were no suds.
>> So,
>> well, you know, no ss, no save.
>> No s. Excuse me. Hold on a second. This
is my friend's machine.
>> Hey, hey, hey. Your stuff wasn't in it.
>> Hey, hey, hey. That's not the rule, and
you know it.
[laughter]
All right, show's over. [laughter]
>> Nothing to see here.
>> Okay, let's do laundry.
>> That was amazing.
>> I can't even send back soup. Well,
that's that's because you're such a
sweet, gentle uh
um uh do you uh do Oh, hey, you must
need detergent.
[laughter]
>> What's that?
>> Vice. [laughter]
It's uh It's new. It's German. It's
extra tough. [laughter]
>> Ra, do you are you going to separate
those?
>> Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total
laundry span? I mean, am I supposed to
use like one machine for shirts and
another machine for pants?
[laughter]
>> Have you Have you never done this
before?
>> Well, not myself, but I know other
people that have. [laughter]
>> Okay, you caught me. I'm a laundry
virgin.
>> Uh, well, don't worry. I'll use the
gentle cycle.
Okay. Um,
>> uh, basically you want to use one
machine for all your whites.
>> Whites.
>> Okay. A whole another machine for for
your colors and and third for uh your,
uh,
uh, delicates, and that would be your
bras and your under panty things.
>> Okay. Well, what about these are white
cotton panties. Would they go with white
with delicates? Uh that that that would
be a judgment call.
>> You got the clothes clean. Now that's
the important part.
>> Oh, I guess. Except everything looks
like jammies now.
[laughter]
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this
cart.
>> Yeah, well, I had a 24 in waist. You
lose things now. Come on. Get out of my
way.
>> I'm sorry. You know, maybe I wasn't
being clear. Uh, this was our car.
>> Hey, hey, hey. There aren't any CLOTHES
IN IT.
>> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. QUIT MAKING up
rules.
>> Let's go. Come on. THIS IS MY CAR. I
THOUGHT IT WAS.
>> ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, MINTY. If you want
this part, you're going to have to take
me with it.
>> Did you see that?
>> You were incredible. A brand new woman,
ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. Thank you. I could not have
done this without you.
[laughter]
>> Okay. Um uh more clothes in the dryer.
Oh, look at her. So happy. [laughter]
If only there were a smaller one to
clean this one. [laughter]
>> Hey, new wallet, huh?
>> Uh, yeah, it was time. The old condom
ring in the leather just doesn't say
cool anymore, you know.
>> Rachel, you just put an empty carton
back in the fridge.
>> Oh, yeah. I know. But the garbage was
full.
[laughter]
>> Have you ever taken out the trash?
Well, I uh thought you liked doing it.
[laughter]
>> Third door on the left,
>> right?
>> Oh, hey, Mr. Trigger.
>> Yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> What are you doing?
>> Um
Oh. Oh,
>> I'm sorry. It's a little old, but
[laughter]
>> No, you're clogging up the shoot. I just
spent a half hour unclogging.
I'm sorry. I didn't I don't come in here
a lot.
>> Oh, yeah. Of course you don't. Cuz
you're a little princess.
>> Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a
candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of
cats sing happy birthday to me.
[laughter]
Well, you think you can just come in
here, make a mess, a big man in the
coveralls, or come and clean it up, huh?
Well, why don't you think of someone
else for a change?
>> [laughter]
>> It's okay. I'm sorry.
>> God, you're going to cry about it.
>> How could someone get a hold of your
credit card number?
>> I have no idea. But look how much they
spent. Monica, would you calm down? The
credit card people said you only have to
pay for the stuff that you bought.
>> Still, it's just such reckless spending.
I think when somebody steals your credit
card, they've kind of already thrown
caution to the wind.
[laughter]
>> Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a
Wonder Mop.
>> That's me.
[laughter]
>> Oh, the yuck. Ross, he's doing it again.
>> Marcel, stop humping the land. Stop
humping now. Marcel, come. Come back.
Come here, Marcel.
>> No, no, no. Not in my room. I'll get
him.
>> Ross, you've got to do something about
the humping.
>> What? It's It's just a phase.
>> Well, that's what we said about Joey.
>> Honey, you made the bed again. I told
you you don't have to do that. This
isn't camp.
>> Oh, then I guess the panty raid last
night was totally uncalled for.
[laughter]
Okay, I am going to take a shower and
today I will be singing Jim Crochy's
Leroy Brown.
Monica,
>> hey, I have a question. Is Leroy the
baddest man in the whole damn town or
the fattest man in the whole damn town?
>> The baddest. Otherwise, the song would
be fat fat. Leroy Brown, [laughter]
>> what are you doing?
>> I'm just waiting for you, sweetie.
>> Are you remaking the bed?
>> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what? The
way you did it, it was just fine.
>> Then you're redoing it because
>> if I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
>> You're pretty much running that risk
either way.
[laughter]
>> Okay. You see,
the debate tag shouldn't be at the top
left corner. It should be at the bottom
right corner.
>> Well, that's not so crazy.
>> I'm just easing you in.
>> All right.
>> All right. You see these little flower
blossoms? They should be facing up, not
down, because well, the head of the bed
is where the sun would be.
[laughter]
You don't love me anymore, do you?
Actually,
if it's possible, I love you more.
>> Really?
>> Wow. Well, then come on. I want to show
you how to fold a toilet paper into a
point.
>> Wait,
Joe.
>> Full bag.
Beer's still cold.
Something terrible must have happened
here. [laughter]
[laughter]
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
Stevie, I was never here.
The chair. Now, if anybody asks, your
name is Rosita.
>> [laughter]
>> like it.
>> No, I won't.
>> Even
>> because I know when I'm not going to go
like this.
>> You know what? [laughter]
Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.
[laughter]
Joey, the new chair will be here in an
hour. Maybe we should actually move
Rosita out of here. You know, start the
healing process.
>> I guess you're right.
[laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> She's healed.
>> That's weird.
>> No, it's not weird. It's a miracle.
[laughter]
>> Looks like she didn't leave in such a
hurry after all.
>> Well, I think this is the episode of
Thre's Company where there's some kind
of misunderstanding.
>> [laughter]
>> Then I've already seen this one.
[laughter]
>> Are you through with that?
>> Yeah. Sorry, the swallowing slowed me
down.
>> Whose little ball of paper is this?
>> Oh, that would be mine. See, uh, I wrote
a note to myself and then I realized I
didn't need the notes, so I baldled it
up. And now I wish I was dead.
[laughter]
>> She already fluffed that pillow. Monica,
you know, you already fluffed, but it's
fine.
>> [laughter]
>> Look, I'm sorry, guys. I just don't want
to give them any more ammunition than
they already have.
>> Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent
can be about the flatness of a child's
pillow.
>> Monica, hi. Um,
Monica, um, you're scaring me.
I mean, you're like you're like all
chaotic and twirly, you know? I mean,
and not not in a good way.
>> Yeah. Calm down. You don't see Ross
getting all chaotic and twirly every
time they come.
>> That's because as far as my parents are
concerned, Ross can do no wrong. You
see, he's the prince. Apparently, they
had some big ceremony before I was born.
>> Hi, you guys.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, what's in the bag?
>> Oh. Uh, well, you know how Emma started
crawling? I realized that this place is
very unsafe for a baby. So, I went to
the store and I got some stuff to baby
proof the apartment.
>> Oh god. Baby proofing. Why is this such
a big deal now? You know, when I was a
kid, it was like, "Whoops, Joey fell
down the stairs." Or, "Uh, Whoops, Joey
electrocuted himself again." [laughter]
>> Anyway, um, are you going to get a
handyman to install this stuff?
>> No, I was just going to do it myself.
[laughter]
>> You're going to do it?
>> Yeah. Why? You don't think a woman can
do this?
>> Well, women can't. You can't.
>> Monica, will you please tell Joey that
he is a pig?
>> You're a pig and you can't do this.
>> What?
>> What? Come on. I found the hardware
store all by myself.
>> The hardware store is right down the
street.
>> There is a hardware store right down the
street.
[music]
>> Hi. So, you gave in and decided to call
someone?
>> Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding. I
can barely use chopsticks.
You're all set.
>> Oh, thank you so much. Oh. Oh, wait. You
uh forgot your um your game.
>> Thank you. [laughter]
[music]
[laughter]
>> Ra.
>> [laughter]
>> Rachel, [laughter]
[laughter]
>> so I can't do anything I like.
[laughter]
I did it. I can't. Ah. All right.
I better take all I can carry.
[laughter]
Who knows when I'll be able to get in
here again. Huh?
You pick one. Just pick one. Here. How
about that one? That's patio furniture.
What? Like people are going to come in
and think, "Uhoh, I'm outside again."
Fine.
What about the birds?
>> I don't know. Birds just don't say
hello. Sit here. Eat something.
[laughter]
>> You pick one.
>> All right. How about the ladybugs? Oh,
so forget about the birds. But big red
insects suggest fine dining. Fine. You
want to get the birds? Get the birds.
>> Not like that. I won't.
[laughter]
>> Can't put it like the birds.
probably won't be using it. You could
drive it to Las Vegas.
>> All right. Thanks, Feb.
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are
we going to do about my job?
>> Oh. Uh, not go.
>> All right. Great. Road trip, baby.
[laughter]
>> Is this okay with you?
>> Taylor, you don't have to ask for my
permission. You can go.
>> Hey, Ra. Come on. You're going to be
late for the eye doctor appointment.
>> All right, let's get this over with.
Oh no, look what I did.
[laughter]
I mean, look at this mess. I mean, we're
going to probably have to clean this up,
you know? I mean, we're going to have to
reschedu.
[laughter]
>> If you thought that this mess was going
to bother me, you are wrong. All right,
let's go, Blinky. All right, [laughter]
>> or you could just, you know,
[laughter]
what the hell are you doing? [laughter]
What the hell am I doing? You just broke
my fridge.
[laughter]
What? What? How do you know if How do
you know it's even broken? Oh, you think
I don't know what breaks my fridge?
[laughter]
Excuse me?
Well, what do you know? Broken.
That'll be $400.
[laughter]
>> Joey, I saw you push him.
You pushed him. [laughter]
Joey, I did not break this. Okay, that
has been broken for a while. [laughter]
Chan, remember I told you about our
fridge?
>> Uh-huh.
>> I still haven't gotten the check for
your half yet. [laughter]
>> Do not give him any money.
>> I'm not talking to you. YOU BROKE MY
FRIDGE.
>> HEY, BABE.
>> HEY, HONEY. SO, we just got a wedding
gift from Bob and Fay Bing. They don't
like us, do they?
>> Who says you can't get a nice punch bowl
for under six bucks?
Maybe we can take it back. No, it
doesn't say where it came from. Where
would we return it?
>> How about to the street? Say from the
balcony.
[laughter]
>> Why don't we just find a place for it?
[laughter]
>> How about in that cabinet?
>> No, that's where we keep the canned
goods. Have you completely forgotten
everything you learned at orientation?
[laughter]
>> How about the closet by the bathroom?
>> Oh, okay. Here, why don't you let me do
it?
>> No, no, no, no, no. I will do it. Honey,
you have to learn to sit down and relax
and let your husband take care of things
once in a while. It's locked. You have
to help me.
>> Why is it locked?
>> No reason. I keep private things in
there.
>> Well, you know, I've been living here
for a while and I have never seen what's
inside that closet. What is What is in
there?
>> Feminine stuff.
>> Don't try to make me uncomfortable with
feminine stuff.
>> Taylor, there is nothing in there that
concerns you. If you love me, you'll
just you'll let it go.
[laughter]
>> Fine.
>> Thank you.
[laughter]
>> Love you.
>> I wasn't trying to OPEN YOUR CLOSET. I
WASN'T TRYING TO OPEN YOUR CLOSET. I
SWEAR. [laughter]
>> WOW. Monica runs a pretty tight ship
around here, doesn't she? [laughter]
What are you doing?
>> Monica has a secret closet and she won't
let me see what's in it.
>> Why not?
>> I don't know. What could she possibly be
hiding in here that I can't see?
>> I don't know.
>> Ooh, I bet it's Richard. [laughter]
>> Why would Monica be keeping Richard in
here?
>> Well, off the top of my head, uh, maybe
she's having her cake and eating it,
too. You being the cake, Richard being
the two.
or and here we go.
I saw this movie once where there was a
door and nobody knew what was behind it.
And when they finally got it open,
millions and millions and millions of
bugs came pouring out and they feasted
on human flesh. [laughter]
You know, it wouldn't kill you to
respect your wife's privacy.
Not too shabby. I got this all off
myself using my wife's tools.
>> Oh my god.
[laughter]
How did you get in there? [laughter]
>> You're messy.
>> No, you weren't supposed to see this.
>> I married Fred Samford. [laughter]
NO, CHANDLER, YOU don't understand.
[laughter]
>> Okay. OKAY. OKAY. FINE. NOW YOU KNOW.
OKAY. I'm You know I'm sick.
>> No, Clay. You're not sick. Look, I don't
love you because you're organized. I
love you in spite of that. [laughter]
>> Really?
>> You promise you won't tell anyone?
>> Yes. And look, now that I know, if I've
got some extra stuff lying around, can
we can we share the closet?
>> Oh, well,
it's just um I'm afraid you might mess
it up.
>> Man, this is weird. You ever realize
Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually
on his hat?
>> That's what's weird, Joey. The man's
been captain of a cereal for the last 40
years. [laughter]
Block.
>> What? The spoon. You licked and and you
put.
You licked and you put.
>> Yeah. So,
>> well, don't you see how gross that is? I
mean, that's like you're using my
toothbrush.
[laughter]
>> You used my toothbrush?
>> Oh, that was only cuz I used the red one
to unclog the drain.
>> Mine is the red one.
>> Oh, god. can open worms everywhere.
Hey, why can't we use the same
toothbrush, but we can use the same
soap? Because soap is soap. It's self
cleaning.
>> All right. Well, next time you take a
shower, think about the last thing I
wash and the first thing you wash.
>> All right. Monica categorizes her
towels. How many categories are there?
>> Everyday use, fancy, guest, fancy guest.
TWO SECONDS. 11.
>> 11. UNBELIEVABLE. 11 is correct.
>> YES.
[applause]
>> All right. That's four for the guys.
LADIES, YOU'RE UP.
>> COME ON.
[laughter]
>> 30 seconds on the clock. Five correct
questions wins the game. The lightning
round begins now. What is Joey's
favorite food?
>> Sandwiches.
>> Correct. Chandler was how old when he
first touched a girl's breast?
>> 14.
>> No, 19.
>> Thanks, man. [laughter]
>> Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
His name was Maurice.
>> Correct. His profession was
>> space cowboy.
>> Correct. [laughter]
>> What is Chandler Bing's job?
[laughter]
>> Oh gosh. This has something to do with
numbers and processing. Well, it carries
a briefcase.
>> 10 seconds. You need this or you LOSE
THE GAME. IT'S UM IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH trans bonding.
>> Oh. Oh. Oh. He's a trans trans monster.
[laughter]
>> That's not even a word.
>> I can get this. I can get this.
>> I don't know, Monica. It feels funny
just being here. I mean, if you buy a
bed from Janice's ex-husband, that's
like betraying Chandler. Not at these
prices.
[laughter]
>> Hi. You know, in England, this car would
be on the other side of the store.
Oh. Oh.
Phoebe, come here.
This is my new bed. You got to feel this
bad boy.
Monica, it still feels so weird. You
know, Taylor's your friend. Oh. Oh my
god. [laughter]
All right, take this bed. You can make
other friends.
Here ye here. Delivery from the mattress
king.
you, Miss Gella.
>> Okay.
>> Signed here.
>> Do I have a middle name?
>> All right. Monica Belula [laughter]
Geller. It's that bedroom there.
>> Hey, Monica bought a bed from the
mattress king.
>> Yeah. So, please, please, please don't
say anything to Chandler.
>> You want me to lie to Chandler?
>> Is that a problem?
>> No.
What's this?
Isn't it cool? Room. V room.
[laughter]
This is not the bed I ordered.
>> I know. You must have won like a contest
or something.
>> Baby,
why is this car in my bedroom?
>> I'm sorry. Okay. I I wasn't looking and
the store said that they won't take it
back because you've signed for it.
>> When did I sign for it?
>> When I was you. You know what? It's all
Joey's fault cuz he left his nose open.
[laughter]
>> Did you make brownies today?
>> Knock knock.
>> Quick, take off your dress. He won't
notice the bed. [laughter]
>> Hey, I'm going for sushi. Does anybody
want uh
Whoa, somebody missed the offramp.
[laughter]
>> It's Monica's bed. What?
Okay.
It's a race car.
>> So, this has always been Monica's bed.
What you're just noticing now? How
self-involved are you? [laughter]
>> Okay. Well, if this bed isn't new, then
how come there's plastic on the
mattress?
>> Sometimes I have bad dreams.
>> Uh, may I help you?
>> Yes. Hi. I talked to you on the phone.
on the lady who got stuck with the race
car bed.
>> Look, it's like I told you there's
nothing I can do. You signed for it.
Monica Felula Geller.
>> All right, Chester man. Look, we want to
see the king. Nobody sees the king.
>> Okay, I'm talking to the king.
>> Hey, you can't go back there.
Oh my god.
>> Oh, sorry. Did I get you?
>> No, you didn't get me. It's an electric
drill. You get me, you kill me.
Calm down. Do you want this unit or not?
>> I do not want this unit.
>> Oh, you should have told me that before.
Not a mind readader.
[laughter]
>> And we're out of here. Okay, I'm going
to Monica.
>> Fine.
[music]
>> Well, Lis, say hello to your new home.
>> [laughter]
>> Oh my.
Wow. Oh, she's so nice and big.
[laughter]
Oh, Monica, where are you going to
display Glattus oh so proudly?
[laughter]
You haven't really settled on a spot
yet.
>> Well, hey, how about right above the TV?
That way, it will be the first thing
that you see when you walk in the door.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you can get rid of
that French poster. I like that poster.
>> Really? Doesn't have anything coming out
of it.
>> Or maybe there's some place for her in
your bedroom. Oh, there's nothing above
your bed.
>> Are you still here?
>> Oh, here it is. Oh, Joey, why did you
sign it? Son of a
>> I didn't do that. Who would have done
that?
>> Son of a
>> Okay, maybe ask this guy.
You get OUT OF MY SHOP.
>> WHAT?
>> WHAT DID HE DO?
>> He went out with my wife.
>> Joey.
I Hey, I did not go out with your wife.
Okay. [snorts] I I went out WITH HER.
>> THAT'S MY WIFE.
>> Get out.
>> We should go.
>> Yeah.
>> Hey, hun. Would you help me get the
plates down?
>> Yeah. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't we
use our wedding china today?
>> I think we should save our china for
something really special. Like if the
queen of England comes over,
>> honey, she keeps cancing on us. Take the
hint.
>> What if something gets broken? They're
so expensive.
>> What is the point of having them if we
never use them?
>> Okay, but if something gets broken and
then the queen comes over,
>> I will explain it to her.
>> Oh, yeah. Like I'm going to let you talk
to the queen.
>> Well, the parade is really good this
year.
Man, those horses can crap.
>> Next up is a marching band from
Muscogee, Oklahoma. Msokei. That's like
4 hours from Tulsa. Woohoo.
And here's the float with the stars of
the popular daytime soap Days of Our
Lives.
Oh my god.
Aren't you one of the stars of popular
daytime soap Days of Our Lives?
>> Yeah. I forgot I'm supposed TO BE THERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT I USUALLY write
stuff like this down on my arm.
>> Oh, stupid long sleeves. [laughter]
What are you going to do?
>> I guess I'm going to have to come up
with a really good reason why I wasn't
there. The producers are going to be so
mad at me. They sat us all down
yesterday and said, "Everyone has to be
there 6:00 a.m. sharp. That means you,
Tribiani."
Like I was some kind of idiot.
Well, you proved them wrong.
>> Hi, Chandler Bing. I have a reservation.
>> So, welcome to the Ches Inn, Mr. Bing.
So, where are you joining us from?
>> New York.
>> The Big Apple.
>> I'm sorry. He's a little bit wound up.
We had to stop at every maple candy
stand on the way here.
>> I ate all my gifts for everybody.
>> I'm sorry, Mr. Bing. There's no record
of your reservation in the computer.
>> Well, that's impossible. Can you check
again, please?
>> CHECK AGAIN, PLEASE.
>> [laughter]
>> I'M SORRY. IT'S not here.
>> Not there.
>> Let me get this straight. I called
yesterday to try to cancel my
reservation. Was told it's not
refundable. Then we drove 6 hours all
the way up here. And now you're telling
me that we don't have a reservation.
>> I don't know what to say.
>> She doesn't know what to say.
>> Just give us the cheapest room you have.
>> Unfortunately, the only thing we have
available is our deluxe suite. The rate
is $600.
>> That's insane. It
>> is totally insane. Dude, let's drive
home. We'll hit all the maple candy
stores on the way back and if if they're
closed then maybe we'll we'll tap a tree
and make some ourselves.
>> Does that room have a closet I can lock
him in?
>> We'll take it.
>> Great.
>> But they are totally ripping us off.
Dude, don't worry about it. I know how
we can make your money back. This is a
nice hotel. You know, plenty of
amenities. We just load up on those.
Like those apples instead of taking one.
Um, I take six.
>> Great. At $100 an apple, we're there.
[laughter]
>> Come on. You You get the idea. You know,
we'll make our money back in no time.
>> Dude, you're shaking.
>> I think it's the sugar. Could you hold
the apple? [laughter]
>> Hi, this is Ross Geller in sweet 206.
Um, I seem to have forgotten a couple of
things. Could Could you have some
complimentary toiletries sent up to my
room?
Thank you. Okay. Toothbrush, toothpaste,
razor, mouthwash, deodorant, dental
floss, band-aids, shaving cream, after
shave, and I feel like I'm forgetting
something. Um, is there anything else
you have that I haven't asked for
already? [laughter]
>> Yeah. Go ahead. Set up some tampons.
>> What'd you get? USA Today.
>> Nice. Put them with the others. And I
also got two more apples.
>> We're four short of a bushel.
[laughter]
>> God, I feel so alive. I love being in
the country.
>> Also got these great salt and pepper
shakers from the restaurant.
>> Oh, that's not cool.
>> Dude, none of this is cool. [laughter]
Look, Chandler, you you have to find the
line between stealing and and taking
what the hotel owes you. Um, for
example, a haird dryer. No, no, no. But
shampoos and conditioners. Oh, yes, yes,
yes. [laughter]
Now, the the salt shaker is off limits,
but the salt
I wish I'd thought this through.
>> I think I get what you mean, though.
Like the the lamp is uh is the hotels,
but the bulbs.
>> Oh, you already got that.
>> Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
>> Okay. Uh how about this?
>> No, no, no. You can't take the remote
control.
>> Yes, but the batteries.
[applause]
>> Thank you. Thank you very much.
>> Let's Let's celebrate with some maple
candy.
>> No.
>> At least tell me where you hit it.
>> Here's your copy of the bill. We hope
you enjoyed your stay.
>> Oh, we did. And you still have all your
lamps.
[laughter]
Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.
>> Oh, dude, don't worry about it. Uh, I
found an unattended maid's card. We're
way ahead of the game.
[laughter]
>> Oh my god.
>> What?
>> There's There's something new in the
bowl.
>> Look, we have enough. Just walk away.
>> Oh, but I I want I want the pine cones.
[laughter]
>> There's a forest right outside.
>> It's not the same. Okay, go quick.
GO. [laughter]
>> Thank you for a delightful stay.
>> My maple candy.
[laughter]
[music]
>> Hi.
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
>> So, what's the final head count on my
baby shower?
>> About 20. A couple of people from work
had something else to do. Also, both of
your sisters called and neither can make
it.
>> What you mean they're not coming to a
social event where there's no men and no
booze? That's shocking.
>> Well, I don't care as long as my mom's
here.
>> Oh my god. Your mother.
>> What? My mom's not going to be here?
>> Well, given that we forgot to invite
her, it would be an awfully big
coincidence if she was. [laughter]
>> My god. Well, if it wasn't my fault,
Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.
Well, I don't I don't have a mother. So
often I forget that other
>> I'll give it a rest.
>> So my mother is not coming to my baby
shower.
>> No,
neither is mine.
>> You know what? Don't worry, okay? We'll
take care of it. We'll call her. You
just go home and get ready.
>> Please make sure she comes. It's really
important to me. I mean, it's my mom.
>> I know. I know. What's her number?
>> I don't know.
>> Go. I have my book. Go.
Wait a minute. If you're in charge of
the invitations, why am I the one who
had to call her? Hello, Mrs. Green. Hi.
Uh, it's Monica Geller.
>> Oh, hello, Monica.
>> Hi. Um, I know this is last minute, but
we we've decided to throw an impromptu
baby shower for Rachel today.
>> I know. My daughters told me about it
when they received their impromptu
invitations a month ago.
>> I'm sorry. I'm I'm so sorry.
>> For what, dear?
>> For not inviting me or for lying about
it. [laughter]
>> Oh my god, my ass is sweating.
Please, please, can you come? It's It's
today at 4:00.
>> Well, all right. I'll see you at 4.
Thank you.
>> Isn't it at 3? Son of a Listen, I
uh saw down at the hardware store they
got those designer tiles on sale if you
ever want to redo your bathroom floor.
>> What's wrong with my bathroom floor?
>> Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's
all. [laughter]
>> I highly doubt that.
>> Oh, yeah. If you uh move your hamper,
you can see the color the tile used to
be.
>> Yeah. [laughter]
>> I can't live like this. What are we
going to do? What are we going to do?
>> Relax. Relax. Here, hold this. This old
stuff comes right up. I'll show you.
>> Little more than I wanted to see.
[laughter]
>> Look at that. Every inch of this is
glued down. It take forever to pry this
up. You should uh you should just leave
it. [laughter]
>> I can't leave it. YOU GOUCHED A HOLE IN
MY dingy floor.
There you go. A
>> Monica. Monica, look at this lamp. Is
this tacky or what? We have to have
this.
>> Ra, I think we have enough regular
lamps.
>> What? Oh, come on. I mean, it's it's not
like a It's not like I'm asking for this
girly clock or anything, which by the
way, I also think is really cool.
>> It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
Well, what about my stuff?
>> You don't have any stuff. [laughter]
>> You still think of it as your apartment,
don't you?
>> No.
>> Yes, you do. You think of it as your
apartment, and I'm just someone who
rents a room.
>> Okay. While you m on that for a while,
I'm going to go find a place for my new
land. [laughter]
[music]
Hey, Ra. You know what we hadn't played
in a while? What? Hide the lamp.
[laughter]
>> Hey, Monica, let it go.
Did you know I was allergic to
shellfish? Well, then you'll just have
to eat the other lamps. [laughter]
>> [laughter]
>> Okay. All right. It was an accident. I
swear. All right. I I was I WAS PUTTING
ON MY JACKET AND and the thing and and
the and the lamp and and it broke.
>> Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated
my lamp and now all of a sudden it's
just magically it's just broken. Phoebe,
tell her. Okay. I didn't see it cuz I
was putting on my jacket, but um I want
to believe you.
>> Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my
seashell lamp.
>> Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
Okay, you win.
>> Oh, what you got there? Something else
that's not yours that you can break?
[laughter]
>> No. Um, I know you like this and I I
want you to have it. I think it'll look
good in our apartment.
>> Thank you.
Okay, let's see. Okay, the turkeyy's in
the oven. The stuffing is ready.
>> You know, you always cook this meal all
by yourself. Let me help this year.
>> A Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't
have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you
to do.
>> I'm serious. Let me do something. Just
not the turkey or the stuffing. Nothing
highprofile.
[laughter]
>> Oh, the cranberry sauce. It's easy to
make and no one really cares about it.
Tell me more.
>> Okay, I'm going to go check on something
across the hall. You start by washing
these.
>> Not with soap.
[laughter]
>> You obviously haven't tasted my Palm
Olive potatoes.
>> Great.
You get anything that's not Ralph
Lauren?
[laughter]
>> Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.
All right, I guess this will be fine.
>> Hey, [laughter] listen. Uh, what are you
what are you doing tonight?
>> Not that much.
>> How would you feel about taking out my
assistant tag? I'll pay.
>> I got to say, it's going to take a lot
of money for me to go out on a date with
a dude.
>> I'm not asking you to go on a date with
him.
>> Really? Cuz I could kind of use the
money. [laughter]
>> Joey, just just He's new in town and I
know he doesn't have any guy friends.
Just take him to like a ball game or
something. I'd really appreciate it.
>> Yeah. Okay. Sure. No problem.
>> Thank you.
>> Oh, hey, donuts.
[applause]
>> Hey,
>> dude. Some guy just called for you.
>> Who was it?
>> I don't know. How about thanks for
taking the message, Jesus.
[laughter]
>> Hey, listen. You know, when you move in,
Rachel's room's going to be empty. You
want to talk about what we want to do
with it?
>> Sure.
>> Okay. I was thinking we should have a
beautiful guest room, right? With um a
mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables
with flowers on it all the time. And
then we can have like a roll top desk
with little comment cards so people can
tell us how much they love staying here.
>> Hey, whatever. You know, I really
haven't thought about it that much.
>> Well, I like that idea, obviously.
But I was thinking maybe maybe it could
be a game room, you know? I mean, you
can buy old arcade games like uh like
Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200.
The real ones. The big big big ones.
>> No.
>> Okay. So, you mean no as in G Chandler?
What an interesting idea. Let's discuss
it before we reject it completely.
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
Yes. Interesting idea. Um, talk about
it. But no. [laughter]
>> So, that's it. Well, I just don't think
that, you know, arcade games go in the
beautiful guest room. The beautiful
guest room is going to be filled with
antiques,
>> which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's
the oldest game.
>> What do you have against the beautiful
guest room?
>> Nothing. I don't have anything against
the beautiful guest room, especially
since everybody that we know lives about
30 seconds away. [laughter]
>> Are you mocking me?
>> No, I'm not mocking you or your
beautiful game.
Hey, what's up?
>> Nothing. Monica and I had a stupid
fight.
>> But you're still moving in together,
right? Cuz my ad came out today.
>> Wanted female roommate. Non-smoker, non
ugly.
>> Rachel, what are you doing? It's
freezing out here. Would you come back
inside?
>> No, no, no, no, no. You wanted me to
take him down, so
I'm taking him down. Okay,
Rachel, I'm okay. I'm okay.
>> Mr. Eckles.
Mr. Hickles, could you could you help
me, please?
>> See, this is just the kind of thing I
was talking about.
[laughter]
>> What are you guys doing?
>> Try it. I can't feel a thing. [laughter]
>> Are you kidding? [laughter]
>> This is packing.
>> We're taking a break
>> from
>> jumping on the bed.
[laughter]
>> All right. Rachel's party is in a couple
of hours and there's a lot to do. Now,
Ross, you've got Geller Blood. You're in
charge of these yahoos.
>> You got it.
>> All right.
>> All right. She's right. We got to get
serious. Let's put styrofoam peanuts
down his pants and kick him.
>> Boyfriend has been in there for over an
hour. Can't believe it. It's like I'm
living with him again. He's here when I
go to sleep. He's here when I wake up.
HE'S HERE WHEN I want to use the shower.
Feel like I'm 16 all over again.
>> Well, you're not 16. You're both ADULTS
NOW.
>> GET OUT, YOU DOOFUS.
>> Or you know he's rubber and you're glue.
All yours.
>> I hope you cleaned your hair out of the
drain.
>> I hope you clean your hair out of the
drain.
>> Shut up.
>> Shut up.
>> Cut it out. Me.
>> I've never wanted you more.
>> I want to watch Entertainment Tonight.
>> Tough noogies. We're watching Predators
of the Serengeti.
>> Would you guys stop? It's my TV.
>> Quit it.
>> Bite me.
>> Oh my god.
>> Well, Monica keeps changing the channel.
>> Oh, that's great. Why don't you tell
mommy on me? [laughter]
>> Now I'm mommy in this little play. All
right, look. I refuse to get sucked into
this like weird little Geller dimension
thing. Okay, so I'm going to go and take
a nice long hot bubble bath because you
kids are driving me crazy.
What [music] are you doing? I uh
reorganized the fridge. See? Uh bottom
shelf meats and dairy. Middle shelf
fruits and vegetables.
And top shelf expired products.
[laughter]
>> Why are you doing this?
>> Because I am bored. Out of my mind. I've
already been to the bank, the post
office, and the dry cleaners. Dude, you
just described 7 days worth of stuff.
[laughter]
>> You got to spread it out a little, you
know. Haven't you ever been unemployed?
>> Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on
sbatical.
>> Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?
[laughter]
A guy in your position needs to be a
little better at relaxing, you know.
What? Why do you think we have the
comfortable chairs? Huh? Look, come
here. Sit down.
Ready? Watch. OH, COME.
SO WHAT? WE JUST SIT. OH, NO. NO. We're
not going to just sit. Watch.
>> Hello, Chandler Bing.
>> Hello, Mr. Bing. [laughter] I love you.
>> All right. Whoever this is, stop calling
me. [laughter]
>> IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS. IT'S NOT FUNNY.
>> But I love you.
>> Leave me alone. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,
LEAVE ME ALONE. [laughter]
>> And that's Wednesday.
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