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- Uh, how do I let my room
get this messy every week?
God damn it.
(journal thuds)
Oh my god. (laughs)
Oh. August 20th, 2001.
Things to do before I'm 25:
get married, have two dogs, Coco and Max,
get corner office at cool law firm,
kids, ha ha ha,
meet Britney Spears (giggles),
buy a house with a pool.
(sighs)
(phone buzzes)
- Hello?
- [Ashley] Hey, Mallory. Are you busy?
- No. What's up? Why do you sounds weird?
- No. I just found my old
journal from 5th grade
and now I feel like a giant loser.
- What? Why?
- I have this whole list
of things I wanted to do
before I was 25, but I
haven't done any of them.
I'm about to turn 26.
- Didn't you make that when you were 12?
- I know, but still,
I just thought things
would be different by now.
I thought I'd be married or not so single.
- [Mallory] Truth, do you actually
want to be married right now?
- No, but I would just like
to know that someone, someday
wants to marry me.
I thought I'd be Elle Woods
by now and I'm frickin' a
mid-level millennial
working for the internet.
- Hey, I heard you got
promoted. Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you so much.
How'd you find out?
- I don't feel like I'm doing this right.
Like, shouldn't I be
able to cook something
for myself by now?
I thought I'd have like a cooler closet
full of like blazers and pants suits.
I feel like Hilary would
be so disappointed in me.
- (popcorn crunches) Clinton?
- No. Duff, duh.
(popcorn crunches)
I don't know, Mallory. I just--
I didn't think I'd be so...
alone.
- Yeah, I feel you.
So what if you're not married.
You don't have a big house
and you're not a lawyer,
but who cares?
I mean, think of all the
cool stuff you've done.
You live with your cool roommate,
you work with all your best friends,
and you don't have to wear
those lame pencil skirts.
I mean, I'm sorry you feel that way.
Everyone feels lonely sometimes,
but it's been 13 years.
It's time for you to
make a new bucket list.
- Thanks, Mal. I love you.
- Love you, too, bud.
- Also, have you been eating
popcorn this whole time?
- Fuck yeah.
- Ashley, Ashley, the
ice cream truck is here!
- [Ashley] Oh my god! Mallory!
We need to go! Get your cash!
Get your cash!
- [Ashley] Oh my god, what!
They're not suppose to be
here for like two more hours!
(ice cream truck melody)
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