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I come from the land down under.
He doesn't.
I was conceived in Australia,
on my parent's honeymoon.
It was a, a romantic summer night,
their summer, on a blanket in the park.
I still have that blanket.
Phil's mom left us money for a trip there.
And when the rest of the family found out,
they all just jumped on board.
My mom's grandfather was Australian
and she'd spend her summers,
their winters, visiting him.
It was a very special place for her.
She always wanted me to see it.
You still have that blanket?
Yeah, silly. It's the one on our bed.
Are you sure you don't want
some of this Vegemite, Gloria?
You don't know what you're missing.
Yeah, I don't need anything
unless I know what's in it.
I've seen this woman scarf down a pig's nose.
Sometimes one must travel halfway across
the globe to get the clearest view of home.
This was my whole flight.
What's she talking about?
My college application essay.
They want students who are worldly.
Oh, well, why don't you write
about our trip to Hawaii
when you drank straight from a coconut?
I feel like Harvard's gonna get a lot of those, so....
Hey, guys.
I just wanted to say thanks for being a part of this pilgrimage to majestic Australia,
which was once a penal colony.
Penal.
Grow up.
This place was really special to my mom.
She actually left me a list of things
that she thought we should do.
Visit the Great Barrier Reef.
See the Bush.
[Giggling]
Really?
And climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge.
What do you say, mate?
I'm sorry, honey, but you know
how I am with heights.
Oh, is that why you never wear high heels?
You guys are with me, right?
Absolutely.
No, I'm not doing that.
- Really?
- No.
Oh.
[Accent] No worries. That's Australian.
I'll, uh. I'll do that one on my own if I have to.
I'm just so excited we're all here together.
Actually, we have to go.
Yeah, so...
I just feel bad that Claire and Jay are missing
such a beautiful day in this gorgeous country,
which is also a continent.
- You have a lot of facts.
- Uh huh.
I think the spiritual journey
of yours is a wonderful thing.
I think it's going to make you
feel closer to your mother.
I hope so.
I miss her.
The biggest reason I came here, to connect.
Is that weird?
Not at all.
I talk to my late grandmother all the time.
She would have loved this place.
I wonder if she's here with me now.
No, she doesn't like to fly.
Isn't it wild that my mom and dad
made footprints in this very sa.... [Yelling]
What?
Oh! Something bit me!
[Screaming]
Are you okay, Phil?
Yeah. I'm fine.
I just wish Claire was here to see all this.
Plus, my foot's twice its normal size,
and the mosquitoes are really going
after my jellyfish bites.
Oh, look! A sign.
What?
You wanted to see a kangaroo,
and now you see one.
I think this is your mother trying to tell you
that the rest of the trip is going to be magical.
Phil.
That is so my mom to say it with a kangaroo.
Look!
It's so beautiful.
Okay, but be careful. You're gonna scare him.
G'day, mate.
Hi.
There you go.
Ah!
Ow! Damn it!
Why, Australia?
Why?
- Hey, mate.
- Ah! How's it going?
Everything okay here?
Not really.
You don't mind me saying,
you look a bit beaten up.
Yeah. I love your country.
But your country doesn't love me back.
Australia's rejected me.
You see this right here?
That's from a croc bite.
This one here on my back.
I was hit by a tram in Melbourne.
This right here. That's an irregular mole.
I should probably get that checked out.
Uh huh.
The point is, Australia is nice to tourists,
but it's tough on its own people.
Congratulations, mate. You're one of us.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Well, I think I am.
I'm Crocodile Dunphy?
That's not what I was saying at all.
Is that a kookaburra,
which are born blind or...
Mom!
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