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we got off to an awkward start with our
pediatrician a very nice asian lady
here elephant named dr miura so i took
the bold step of inviting her over for
brunch
uh bold she said no patient had ever
done it before
yeah subtext this is weird i didn't hear
any subtext
do you hear any now can i just say that
is a lovely outfit
oh thank you well it's just nice to see
out of your lab coat you actually have
quite a nice figure
take it down a notch we're just trying
to make a friend not initiate a
three-way
lily looks great do you think so
shouldn't she have more teeth i see
these kids running around at the park
and they look like sharks
don't worry she's perfect aren't you
lily oh
look how calm she is with you she's
usually very fidgety around new people
well i just think she senses you're
gonna be a good friend for during
good times and and flu season
mommy did she just
did she just say
well her first word was every gay
father's worst nightmare
mommy
this is delicious oh thank you the
recipe's from the now defunct gourmet
magazine
why do all the things i love go away
look i don't even think she said the
m word no we heard it it was clear as
day i i just don't know what we've done
wrong
i quit my job so i could stay at home
with her but maybe it's not enough maybe
we're not providing her with the
feminine
energy that she needs
yeah i wouldn't be too concerned about
that
you you know it's because you're asian
right cam no i'm sorry what
am i just supposed to ignore the giant
panda in the room
pandas are from china well it doesn't
matter okay okay
um i think what my hysterical partner is
just trying to say and if i may i
that for the first six months of her
life lily was raised by very loving
asian women in an orphanage uh with whom
she clearly bonded
you know and then suddenly you come in
with all of your
asian-ness and and in breasts and womb
lady bits and it all just comes rushing
back to her and
you guys are overreacting i'm sure lily
just strung a couple of
random syllables together and they
happen to sound something like
that word but that's all
do you really think that yeah sure she's
right she's right being
ridiculous your daddies are being
ridiculous
mommy okay
okay no no no she's she's she's made her
choice she's made her choice
sorry if we got all weird in there it
was
fine well we'd like to say it's
different than how it usually is but
you've seen us enough to know that
that's not true guys listen
i had a very complicated relationship
with my mother she was born in japan
crazy traditional she didn't want me to
become a doctor she wanted me to get
married and have kids but
my father we would talk and he would
actually listen to what i wanted
anyway what i'm trying to say is having
a mother isn't always what it's cracked
up to be
oh thank you and if you ask me
having two fathers who care as much as
you do makes lily the
luckiest little girl in the world thank
you so much that's very sweet
thanks and how are things with you and
your mom now
uh the only way she'll be happy is if
i'm some asian stereotype
but that just isn't me
i didn't see those
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