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[overlapping chatter]
- Hey!
[laughter]
- ♪ Oh, jingle bells,
jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the balls ♪
- Ho ho ho, huh?
Another year and it still fits.
- It's a Christmas miracle!
- Merry Christmas, everybody.
- Merry Christmas!
- Ho ho ho ho!
[record scratches]
- Oh--whoa!
- Hey!
- God's sakes, will you people
give this Christmas
bullshit a rest?
I'm trying to do
your year-end evaluations,
and I can't hear myself
think!
- Okay.
- Ho ho ho, boy, huh?
Who pissed in his Cheerios?
[record scratch, music resumes]
- Noice!
- I'm in favor of the music,
guys, just so you know.
- Hey, Chief, you ever consider
giving him this week off?
He's always a wet blanket
on the holidays.
- Yeah.
He's always in a bad mood,
and it's always when he does
our year-end reviews.
Every December, we get
Scrooged on the write-up.
- We gotta do something
about it.
- ♪ Hey, fa-la-la
la-la-la-la ♪
- ♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Bubba-dubba-doo
buh-doo-boo-boo ♪
♪ Leigh Weigh sings
the Christmas tunes ♪
♪ Zubba-dubba-dah
bah-doo-buh-boo ♪
Eddie!
Hey, Eddie, come here.
[clicks music off]
You get a present yet
for the Yankee Swap?
- Yeah.
I found a half-empty
bottle of dandruff shampoo
in my locker--I'm gonna pop
an ugly green bow on it.
- Okay. Well, you know what?
I'm gonna at lunchtime
and get a gift.
I can get two
and say one's from you.
- Oh, cool--you can wrap mine
and hand it out for me too.
- Ha ha. You don't hand out
a gift at the Yankee Swap.
Each person picks a number,
then they pick a gift.
So let's say I go first
and you go second.
I open my gift,
then you open yours.
You have the option
of deciding to keep your gift
or stealing mine,
but look out--
- [snoring]
- Anyone who hasn't
picked behind us
can pick a gift
of the person
in front of them.
So interestingly, the last pick
is often the best pick,
and the first pick
is the worst pick.
Are you listening to me?
- [snoring]
- You're especially
humbuggy this year.
What's wrong?
- Look at these Christmas cards
from my ex-girlfriends.
Look how happy they are
with their happy husbands
and their happy kids.
- Oh, yeah, Carla,
the comptroller's office--
I like her.
Oh...Jasmine.
She was too good for you.
I don't know why
you're getting so worked up.
Half these kids
aren't even yours.
[both chuckling]
- That's very funny, Terry.
The fact is, all these
women asked me to marry them,
but I turned them all down.
- Yeah, sure you did.
- I did.
And every year on Christmas,
they send me these cards
to remind me
of what I don't have.
- You know what?
You have a bad case
of the holiday blues.
- Maybe I do have
the holiday blues, Terry.
Or maybe it's that the more
obnoxiously jolly you become,
the more obnoxiously crusty
I have to be
to create balance
in the universe.
- Like Batman and the Joker.
- Exactly.
Wait--which one am I?
- The Joker, of course.
- But he's the jolly one.
- No, he's the bad guy--
like you.
- You think Batman
is jollier than the Joker?
When's the last time
you saw Batman smile?
- I don't hang out with Batman,
so I can't tell you.
- Maybe it was at The Super
Friends Yankee Swap
[funny voice] because
he had the last pick!
- [laughs] Okay, great.
Go do your evaluations,
and go easy on my crew.
- They're my crew too.
- Merry Christmas, Eddie!
- Eh!
[click]
[music resumes]
[singing with Leigh]
♪ O, holy night ♪
♪ Leigh Weigh
has a great voice ♪
Oh!
- Look at all this stuff.
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