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When I worked in McDonalds, my long-term girlfriend joined
the queue to my till and when she got to the counter, she dumped me.
Lee, Lee, Lee.
How old were you?
- I was 18, I think I was 18.
- OK, so you're 18 years old.
How long did you consider a long-term girlfriend to be
- when you were 18.
- Well, she was actually my first girlfriend.
Her name was, presumably is, Kate.
Not in touch, she could have died. I mean, I don't know.
Yeah, look on the bright side!
KAY dumped you, was she special?
She was, she was.
- It's a "Special K" joke, I'm not explaining them all.
- Very good.
Am I allowed to mention Special K, or do I have to mention Crunchy Nut Cornflakes?
Well, I think when it comes to breakfast cereals,
there is one that stands head and shoulders above all the rest.
So how long was long term?
Two years. But when you're 18, that's a long-term relationship.
Can you remember what she said to you?
I can't, Miranda, no, but...
what made it doubly heartbreaking was I, I loved that job and...
- What?
- You didn't get the sack, did you?
Well, no, but I was very... I loved the job and then she came in
and broke my heart at this place that meant so much to me
and that added to the emotional impact of what she said.
What was it about the job that you loved so much?
Let me tell you a fact about this place.
This is amazing, right?
The regular meat which is the meat that
goes in their signature burger...
it goes from frozen to fully cooked in 44 seconds.
I found this amazing.
Fascinating. I wonder why she dumped you?
I think we should get back to the girl.
She got to the front of the queue, she dumped me there and then.
I left my station, didn't serve the other customers and then I went
to the store room and I sat on a box of gherkins and I cried my eyes out.
Oh, that's gherkins for you, though.
Kay put in her order.
- She puts in her order and says I would like...
- Kate.
- Oh, Kate.
- Oh, that changes everything..
- What's her name?
- Kate.
The Special K joke doesn't work. I didn't want to say anything.
- Kate.
- Kate.
- I thought it deserved a bigger laugh.
I wondered why the hell you said it!
You're always trying to work it round to Crunchy Nut. Leave him alone.
Why don't...? Richard, you be young Richard, OK,
at the counter of this fast-food outlet.
David. You are a normal customer.
Dale is Kate.
Could I please have a, a, a Filet-O-Fish but with no cheese?
Hold the cheese, and put the cheese on the chips, please.
Excuse me, sorry, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me...
Where are the toilets?
They're just, they're actually just next to my till, actually,
the door's just about there.
I'll...see you later, Kate.
Oh, gosh, it's my girlfriend, Kate. Hello, Kate.
Well, I thought I'd come in and see you tonight.
- I haven't heard...
- LAUGHTER
What's funny about that?
Oh, it's Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady.
I'm afraid, Richard, it's over. You're just not my kind of guy.
SHE MIMICS EASTENDERS THEME
Aw, beautiful. So, what are you thinking, Lee?
Does this sound credible to you?
I'm suddenly going truth, I think
he was dumped in a queue at said burger joint.
I find it staggering that he remembers all the facts that he
remembers about how long it takes meat to defrost and yet he cannot
remember what she actually said when she got to the front of the queue.
- But is he...?
- The answer to that is, he's a man.
So, Lee, what's it going to be, truth or lie?
- You're saying lie, Clare?
- I am.
- Miranda says true.
- Yeah.
- Go on, we'll go with Miranda and say it's true.
You're saying it's true.
OK. Richard Bacon, was that the truth or was it a lie?
That story...is...
true. AUDIENCE GASPS
- Well done, well done, well done.
- DAVID: Thank you for sharing.
Yes, it's true. When Richard worked in a fast-food restaurant,
his long-term girlfriend joined the queue to his till
and dumped him when she got to the counter, and then,
to rub salt in the wound, she ordered a Happy Meal.
LAUGHTER
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