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Just so you know, I'm not going to make
a turkey this year.
>> What?
>> Well, Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
>> Phoebe,
>> turkeys are beautiful, intelligent
animals.
>> No, they're not. They're ugly and stupid
and delicious.
>> Right. Okay. It's not just Phoebe.
Will's still on a diet. Chandler doesn't
eat Thanksgiving food. And Rachel's
having her aversion to poultry.
>> She is?
>> Yeah. Did you remember I had to leave
the room the other day when you had that
roast chicken? Yeah, but I thought that
was just because I put the whole thing
on my hand and made it walk across the
table.
>> Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to
make a whole turkey for just three
people. Okay. It's just it's it's a lot
of work.
>> But you got to have turkey on
Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving with
no turkey is like like Fourth of July
with no apple pie or or Friday with no
two pizzas.
>> All right, fine. If it means that much
to you, but just there's going to be a
ton left over.
>> No, no, they won't. I promise I will
finish that turkey.
You're telling me you can eat almost an
entire turkey in one sitting?
>> That's right. Cuz I'm a tribani.
This is what we do. I mean, we may not
be great thinkers or or world leaders.
We don't read a lot or run very fast,
but damn it, we can eat.
>> It's enough. You know, it's nothing.
>> Okay.
So, uh, I think I'm going to take off.
>> Yeah. No, wait. What Joey? No, wait. It
is. It's something. It's It It's um It's
my boss.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And um
and my baby.
>> Yeah.
>> My boss wants to buy my baby.
>> What?
Oh my Oh my god.
>> I know. I told you. It's a really big
problem.
He wants to buy your baby.
>> Can you believe that?
>> That's crazy.
>> That's what I told him.
>> How did this even happen?
>> Yeah, I I'll tell you.
>> See, uh my my boss and uh and his wife,
they they can't have children. So, um
and then when we were at the Christmas
party and he got drunk and he said to
me, "Rachel, I want to buy your baby."
Man,
when you said it was a problem about
your boss and the baby, I figured it was
something about maternity leave.
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Yeah, that that would have been a much
simpler problem.
Hey, great advice on that Joey thing.
>> Yeah, the work problem. It
>> was perfect. I mean, it really felt like
he was my friend again.
>> What problem did you tell him you have?
>> That's That's not important.
>> The point is, I really I think
everything's going to be okay.
>> May I help you? You think you can just
buy my friend's baby?
>> I have a date tonight. It has to go
well. Okay. I'm scared for my health.
>> Okay. Okay. Um Oh. Oh. Oh, I got
something. Okay. It's this story that I
came up with. Very romantic. I swear any
woman that hears it, they're like putty.
>> Really? Well, then tell it to me.
>> Okay. Now, you're going to want to have
sex with me when you hear it. But you
have to remember it is just the story.
>> I'll try to control myself.
>> Okay.
years ago when I was backpacking across
Western Europe.
>> You were backpacking across Western
Europe.
>> Have a nice six more months, Ross.
>> Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Please.
Please. You You were in Western Europe
and
I was just outside of Barcelona hiking
in the foothills of Mount Tibidabu.
I was at the end of this path and I came
to a clearing and there was a lake very
secluded and there were tall trees all
around. It was dead silent, gorgeous.
And across the lake I saw a beautiful
woman bathing herself,
but she was crying.
Why?
This is great wine.
>> It's from France
in Europe.
Western Europe,
>> you know. Um, a few years ago, uh,
actually I was backpacking across
Western Europe.
>> Really?
>> Mhm. Wait, IT GETS BETTER.
UM YEAH, I WAS in um Barcelona.
>> I studied for a year in Barcelona.
>> Anyway, um so I was um I was hiking.
>> I love hiking.
>> Oh, that's great.
>> I was hiking along the foothills of
Mount Tibidabo.
>> I think it's Tibeta.
>> Okay. Do you want TO TELL THE STORY?
>> SORRY, HONEY. I'm just having a having a
rough day.
>> Oh, what's wrong?
>> Oh, you really you really just don't
want to hear about it.
>> Then why did I ask?
>> Okay, it's just I mean, this is really
embarrassing, but lately with this whole
pregnancy thing, I'm just finding
myself,
how do I put this? Um,
erotically charged.
>> Is that college talk for horny?
>> Yeah.
So, you know, I have all of these
feelings and I don't know what to do
about them because I can't date like a
normal person, which is fine because I
don't need a relationship. I mean, all I
really want is one great night, just
sex, you know, no strings attached, no
relationship, just with someone that I
feel comfortable with and who knows what
he's doing for just one great night. I
mean, is that really so hard
to find?
So, how how was your day?
>> Good. I uh I saw a pretty big pigeon.
>> Well, I got to get up early and it's
almost 7:00. So,
>> I got I got to throw it in my room, too.
>> Good night.
>> I CAN'T DO IT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO
IT.
>> You're Rachel.
>> YOU'RE JOEY.
>> YOU'RE MY FRIEND. IT'S
>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU.
>> PLUS, it would be wrong and weird and
and and and bad
>> and so bad. I don't even know what
you're talking about because I didn't
ask you to do anything.
>> I know.
>> You want to do it?
>> No.
>> Me neither. I'M JUST TESTING YOU. HEY,
WELL THAT'S THE END OF THIS
CONVERSATION.
>> THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
>> HAPPENED.
>> GOOD NIGHT.
>> Get back in there.
>> Jelly. Those are my maternity pants.
>> No. No. These are my Thanksgiving pants.
Well, that's it.
I'm done.
Here come the meat sweats.
>> Well, Joey, we're all we're all very
proud of you.
>> Yes. I believe we can expect a call from
the president any moment now.
>> Is there anything we can do for you? No,
just nobody press on my stomach.
>> You can keep those pants, by the way.
>> What do you got there?
>> Is that pie?
>> Yeah. You want some?
>> Uh, just cut me a little sliver.
A little bigger.
Little bigger.
What are you afraid you're going to run
out? Cut me a real piece.
Hi.
>> Hi.
>> So, which one of you lucky boys is
Chandler?
>> Uh, that that that's me.
>> That's me.
>> Joey Triani. Big fan.
>> So, is that a bedroom?
>> Yeah. Yeah. Right over there.
>> All right. Whenever you're ready.
>> That was weird.
Why? Why would she go in the bedroom?
>> I'm waiting.
>> So, she's a
>> Yep, that's one naked hooker.
>> So, tonight's the night of the big
bachelor party.
>> Yeah. Hey, thanks for giving me that
girl's number.
>> No problem. Say who's the party for?
>> For my husband.
>> You hired your husband a hooker?
She's a stripper.
>> No, she's a hooker.
>> Is Is that what they call strippers
sometimes?
>> When they're hookers.
>> My god, Ste. I I can't believe you did
this. Now, you're absolutely sure she's
a hooker?
>> It's either that or she's just the best
most expensive date I ever had.
>> All right. All right. Maybe maybe you
should just ask her to leave.
>> Why me?
>> Hey, it's your bachelor party.
>> Which is why you should do it. I don't
want to. You do it.
>> You do it. You do it.
>> All right. Rock, paper, scissors. Who
has to tell the to leave?
>> What?
>> I miss this.
>> I don't think we've actually done this
before.
>> No, no, no, no. I I miss hanging out
with you.
>> Well, we we still hang out.
>> Yeah, not like we used to. Remember you
and me used to be inseparable.
Oh, now it's like
things are different. Well, you know,
things are different. I'm I'm married
now.
>> Yeah, sure. And hey, don't get me wrong.
I am so happy for you guys. But I just I
miss hanging out just just us, you know.
>> Yeah, I miss that too.
>> I'll tell you what. From now when we'll
make time to hang out with each other.
>> You got it. Come here.
>> Oh god. Listen, I am this close to
robbing you guys.
>> She's a hooker. SHE'S A HOOKER. She's a
>> Hi. We spoke on the phone.
>> So, now you go.
>> No, I don't want to tell you.
>> Why not?
>> How's this embarrassing?
>> More embarrassing than shiny raspberry
lip balm.
>> I didn't say raspberry before, did I?
>> Just Just tell me, Rick. Just tell me.
>> Okay.
All right, stand up.
Well, when we're at the door, I lightly
press my lips against his
and then move into his body just for a
second
and then I make this sound.
Okay, I know it doesn't sound like
anything, but I swear it works.
>> Yeah. Well, yeah, that would work. Yeah.
>> All right, I got to go to bed, honey. I
had such a wonderful time.
>> Yeah.
Me, too.
>> Star student. You know, you called me
that before. So, I I took the liberty of
fashioning a star out of aluminum foil.
Now, no pressure. You like my cookies?
You give me the star.
>> Wow, a star.
I know you all hate me and and I'm
sorry, but I don't care.
Okay, Joey, you're up next.
>> Oh my god, this is amazing. You get an
A.
>> I get an A.
A in school. Hey, I'm a dork.
>> Joey, I'm so proud of you.
>> I think you should give him your star.
Excuse me.
>> He doesn't even know what he's doing.
>> We're all beginners here. Nobody knows
what they're doing.
>> I do. I'm a professional chef.
>> Oh, relax. It's not a courtroom drama.
>> If you're a professional chef, what are
you doing in taking introduction to
cooking?
>> YEAH,
>> I'm I'm sorry. It's just that um Well, I
I cook at this restaurant, Allesandro,
and um I just got a really bad review.
>> Oh, Alesandro. I love that place.
>> You do?
>> Oh, yes. You're an excellent chef. As a
person, you're a little
>> Oh, I'm totally crazy. But you like the
food
very much. Okay, then. I don't stink.
I'm a good chef. Okay.
>> Well, I don't want to go. I'm having
fun.
>> Well, actually, did either of you pay
for this class?
>> Hey, hey, hey. If my friend says it's
time to go, it's time to go.
Every year Ross makes a toast and it's
always really moving and always makes
them cry. Well, this year I'm going to
make them cry.
>> And you you wonder why Ross is their
favorite?
>> No, really. Anytime Ross makes a toast,
everyone cries and hugs him and pats him
on the back and they all come up to me
and say, "God, your brother." You know
what they're going to say this year?
>> God, you
Well, I can promise you at least one
person will be crying. You know, I'm an
actor and any actor worth his salt can
cry on Q.
>> Really? Can do that?
>> Oh, you kidding me? Watch.
>> Well, I can't do it with you guys
watching me.
>> Hey, so uh how's it going living over at
Ross's? It's good except he makes us
watch the Discovery Channel all day
long.
>> Did you know that something really
boring happened to someone really ugly
in the Middle Ages?
>> Oh, thank you. I'll see you guys later.
>> Okay. Bye.
>> Bye.
>> One lucky to go cup of coffee.
>> Honey, I wish you would get over her. I
hate seeing you like this. Is there
anything I can do for you? Do you want
to look down my top?
>> Thanks. Maybe later.
>> Oh, Gunther, could I get a scone?
>> Do you want anything?
>> You know what I want? I want a lot of
things. I want to be with the woman I
love on Valentine's Day. And I want her
to love me back. And I want just one
moment of relief from the gutwrenching
pain and knowing that that's never going
to happen.
>> We have red bagels.
Okay,
>> I'm pregnant.
>> What?
>> Now give me the sandwich. Give me the
sandwich.
>> Well, obviously this is a mistake. You
can't be pregnant because you have to
have sex to get pregnant.
>> Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25 like
you did.
>> What? Dino,
>> can't believe this. You're the good one.
You went to college both years.
>> Who did this to you?
>> Bobby Corso. But he's a real nice guy. I
like him a lot. He's real funny.
>> You got pregnant for funny.
Dina,
if he's funny, laugh.
I'll be back in a little while. You stay
here.
>> Why? Where you going?
>> I can't look at you right now.
>> Well, I know.
>> Hey, did Rachel find you?
>> No. Why?
>> Oh, she was looking for you.
>> Oh, well, I guess I'll catch up with you
later.
>> Well, she really wanted to talk to you
now.
>> Yeah, it uh seemed pretty important.
Oh no.
>> What?
>> I think I might know what this is about.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. Uh
uh we promised we were going to tell
anybody this, but uh
about a month ago,
Rachel and I slept together
>> and
Well, I thought you'd be a little more
shocked. Uh
>> oh. Sorry. And
>> well, we we said we'd just do it that
one time, but but now I I think she may
want to start things up again.
>> Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
>> You like Rachel?
>> Yes, I like Rachel.
Rachel. Rachel. Yeah. Okay. But uh Hey,
you know you know who else I like? You.
And and it doesn't get said enough. I
like you, Ross.
Ra. Rachel. Rachel.
>> Yeah. It's not a big deal.
>> It's not a big deal. Oh, I'm sorry. I
do. Um,
what about all the stuff you you just
said? I mean, how about uh like if you
can't stop thinking about her, like how
you can't sleep.
>> I'm an actor. You know, as as a group,
we tend to be over dramatic.
>> Rachel, who's carrying my baby? Rachel,
>> look, no. I I know it's bad and I know
it's wrong, okay? But but it's not it's
not like anything's ever going to
happen. You know, these these are just
feelings. They're going to go away.
You know, I I got to go. Oh,
>> come on, Ros. Say, Ros, I just, you
know, I just have one Rachel.
>> Rachel,
>> I don't believe in these crazy diets,
you know, just everything in moderation.
your muffins.
>> Uh,
>> I'll take those to go
>> for the kids.
>> Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You
were on the show years ago and then they
killed you off. What happened there?
>> It's so stupid. I said some stuff in an
interview that I really shouldn't have
said, but believe me, that is not going
to happen today.
>> Understood.
>> So, what did you say back then?
>> Oh, I said that I
You guys, this is Shel. She's
interviewing me for Soap Opera Digest.
Shel, these are my friends.
>> Hi, I'm Gal Pal Rachel Green. Um, and if
you want the dirt, I'm the one you come
to. This might be Joey's baby. Who
knows?
>> I'm just kidding. Seriously, gal pal
Rachel Green,
>> who just lost the respect of her unborn
child.
Um, I'm going to just go get this warmed
up.
>> Oh, dang it.
>> Joey, you're doing great.
>> Yeah, so far nothing stupid.
>> Mento. No thanks.
This is so exciting. So glamorous.
People taking our picture. How do I
look?
>> A little tall.
What? Now, would you mind crouching down
a little bit so that I look taller?
>> There you go.
>> Good job, Joe. Well done. Top notch.
>> You liked it? You really liked it?
>> Oh, yeah.
>> Which part exactly?
the whole thing. Here we go. No, no, no,
no, no. Give me some specifics. I love
the specifics. The specifics were the
best part. Hey,
>> what about the scene with the kangaroo?
>> Did you Did you like that part?
>> I was surprised to see a kangaroo
in a World War I epic.
You fell asleep.
There was no kangaroo. They didn't take
any of my suggestions.
Thanks a lot for coming, buddy. See you
later.
>> Don't go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Look,
this guy fell asleep. He fell asleep,
too. Be mad at him.
>> Or call an ambulance.
>> Hey,
>> look. I know you've been really
depressed lately, so I've brought
someone over to cheer you up. Right
outside this door is a real live furry
playmate. Oh, no. I'm not sleeping with
your friend Jane again.
>> Hey, a dog. Oh, hi. Who you got to admit
looks a lot like Jane.
>> This is the happiest dog in the world. I
borrowed him from my friend Wendy. So,
you can keep him till he cheers you up.
And he will cheer you up.
>> Thanks so much, Feb. We are going to
have so much fun. Yes, we are. Oh, not
that kind of fun.
In what John Houston film would you hear
this line? Badges. We don't need no
stinking badges.
>> Treasure of Sarah Madre.
>> Correct. There's a POSSIBLE BACKWARDS
BONUS.
>> MADRE SIERRA THE OF TREASURE.
>> YES.
>> I'd like to go up the ladder of chance
to the golden mud hut, please.
>> Wise choice. How many rungs?
>> Six.
>> That noise can only mean ONE THING.
>> HUNGRY MONKEY.
>> MONKEY.
>> I'd like a Wicked Wango card.
>> Okay. It's an audio question. Name this
television theme song.
>> Oh.
>> Oh my god. Okay, I know this. Give me
Give ME A SECOND.
>> TELL IT TO TIME TURTLE.
>> SHUT UP.
>> I DREAM OF DREAMS.
>> YES. YES. You're back in the lead.
>> I'd like to spin the wheel.
>> Super speedy speed round.
>> Is there a hopping bonus?
>> Of course.
Who invented bif focals?
>> Ben Franklin.
>> Correct. Which monarch has ruled Great
Britain the longest?
>> Queen Victoria.
>> Correct. Again, but you forgot to switch
LEGS BETWEEN QUESTIONS, SO NO HOPPING
BONUS.
>> OH, EVERY TIME.
>> Now
over to Chandler.
>> I'd like a Google card.
>> Are you sure?
>> Yes. No.
Google.
>> Oh my god. Congratulations, Ross.
Because Chandler, you've been
bamboozled.
>> THIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER.
>> Digest cross word puzzle. And guess who
is the clue for three down?
>> Three down. Days of Our Lives star blank
Tribani. That's me. I'm blank.
>> How cool is this? We know Three Down.
I'm touching Three Down.
>> Yeah, you are, baby.
>> Three down knows I'm married. What's
down doing?
>> So, do they call you to tell you your
name is going to be in this?
>> No. They really like me over there,
though. They wanted to do a big profile
on me, but I said no.
>> Why'd you say no?
>> Remember what happened the last time I
did an interview for them? I said I
write a lot of my own lines and then the
writers got mad and made my character
fall down the elevator shaft. So, who
knows what I might say this time.
>> If only there was something in your head
to control the things you say.
>> Oh, come on, Joey. you will totally keep
it in check this time. And plus, you
know, the publicity would be really good
for your career, and you deserve that.
And if you do the interview, you could
mention Oh, I don't know. Galpal Rachel
Green.
>> Is that gal pal spelled L O S E R?
>> You're in love with her. I thought you
knew that.
>> Um, no.
>> Oh,
hey, look, if it helps, I don't want to
feel this way. Honest. I just keep
thinking, ah, I'll get over this, you
know, but I just it just keeps getting
harder and I
I don't I don't know what to do, you
know? I don't What do I do?
You need to find out where she is
because if she's not where you are, then
you can start to move past this.
But what if uh and I'm not saying she
will be, but
>> if she is where you are, then uh
>> then my feeling weird about it shouldn't
stand in the way.
>> Are you sure?
>> Yeah.
Look, if if she's going to end up with
somebody else, truth is she couldn't
find a better guy. So,
>> okay. Thanks.
So, when do you think you're going to
talk to her?
>> Oh my god, I have to tell her.
I
>> mean, thought about what I would say.
What should I say?
>> I'm understanding, but let's not get
carried away.
>> Oh, you told your dad the truth about an
hour ago.
>> Want to go see a movie?
>> Yes.
>> Bye, Dad.
The hell is love to do it anyway? There
are more important things in a marriage
than love
consequences of your decision.
>> Hey, I do too think about the
consequences of my decisions.
But what gives you the right to
go to hell?
>> Stupid guy on my phone.
>> I'm not worried about her. I'm worried
about my baby. Whoever she dates, my
baby dates. No. No. Where is this actor
taking them?
>> Hey, I'm an actor, too.
I'm not sure. I think they're taking the
ferry out to some Italian place on
Staten Island.
>> A ferry? My baby's going on a ferry. Do
you have any idea how dangerous those
are?
>> Aren't we talking about those big boats
that carry cars? They go like 5 miles an
hour.
>> Why do they just jump out of an
airplane? Huh? That That's a fun date.
Or burn each other with matches. That's
fun, too.
>> Hey, Joey. Hey, Cash. Uh, hey, this is
Ross. Ross, this is Cash. Hey. Hey.
>> Hey. I I hear you're going on a feric
tonight.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Bit of a daredevil, are we?
>> Hey, you guys. You think this is too
Hi, Cash.
>> Hey, Rachel. You ready to go?
>> Yeah. All right. I'll see you guys
later.
>> Okay. Have a great time, you guys.
>> Thank you.
>> Thank you.
>> And yes, IT IS TOO
>> AND HE said that you were looking for a
new place.
>> Oh, yeah. Hopefully across the street.
If certain Dutch people would just let
go.
I was kind of hoping you'd stay,
>> but Joey, I have to go. There's no room
for a baby here.
>> No room. It's a baby. It's like this
big.
You know, you you could put it over
here.
Or or we could put it right here. Oh,
it's cute, right? Or or we could put it
over here. You wouldn't even notice it.
Where's the baby?
Hey, it's not just a matter of where you
put it. I mean, a baby changes
everything. They cry all the time. I
mean, imagine bringing home some girl
and trying to score when there's a
screaming baby around.
>> I could use a challenge. It's getting
pretty easy.
>> It's so sweet that you want me to stay,
but I I can't do that to you. I mean, it
would disrupt your entire life.
I just
I I love living with you so much. I just
I wish things didn't have to change.
>> I know.
>> You know, I blame Ross for this.
>> I do too a little bit.
I'm
>> going to miss you.
You're the hottest roommate I ever had.
>> Hey.
>> Oh, good. You're here. Uh thieves,
listen. Uh sit down. I I got something I
want to say.
>> All right.
>> Um
now it's a scary world out there,
especially for a single mom, you know.
Now, always felt that you and I have a
special bond.
So,
Phoebe Buffet, will you marry me?
Oh my god,
>> Joey. Hell yeah, I'll marry you.
>> You can't marry him.
>> Hey, lady, your day is over. It's my
turn.
>> Phoebe,
>> what? Why can't you marry me?
>> I can and I will.
>> She's not pregnant. It's Rachel.
Rachel's the one who's pregnant. Okay.
>> Oh my god.
>> Hey, baby. I think he would notice when
you didn't have a baby in 9 months. It's
Joey.
>> I think I'm falling in love with you,
>> Joey. Joey, I love you so much.
>> But I
>> But
>> Joey,
right? Hey, that's uh that's okay. It's
fine. It's uh
pretty much what I was expecting, you
know. So, uh it's no big deal. All
right.
>> I think I'm going to go.
>> No. No. Joey, please don't. Please don't
leave like this. Now, come on. You
cannot do this to a pregnant woman.
>> Start to happy. You can't do that, Rich.
Cuz then he going to make me do.
Oh, there we go.
Can I
>> You know, I was only kidding.
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