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It all started with a bad game of chicken. The
heat's not so bad. It's the humidity that gets
you. I hate being an Uber driver. My life sucks.
Dare me to drive us off this bridge. No. Okay.
We both died. I won. And that's how I got
reincarnated as a spy. Guess it's another
isekai. We saw the numbers. You thirsty little
chuckle sponges. We are on the brink of World
War and all of our spies are on strike. Maybe we
let them unionize and bankrupt our trillion dollar
industry. The government. Let's freelance.
Freelance? I know a guy that can do it all
for free. Immune to detection because we never
actually make contact. And he's off the payroll.
We've never seen his true face, but I still stand.
So, he's like an espionage Uber driver. When does
he find the time for love? So this humanity is
committing terrorism on my hair. Excuse me. I have
to go kill myself again. Have a hard leave behind
on estate. At least reincarnated is a strong word.
I'm in a perpetual state of rebranding. My most
consistent is code name Twilight. My mission. I'll
receive a debrief on it shortly. Why you creating
newspapers for weirdo? Mine doesn't have the
sports section. Sports is code for super secret
spy stuff. Konichiwa, it's MI6. Beats hollering at
our favorite spy for most consequential mission.
Your target is head coach for the East Austinian
Redskins. A team name so problematic it could
start a war. You must send him a seasoned assist,
but the only way to make contact is at an elite
private school event. Get some [ __ ] birth some
[ __ ] domesticate, and infiltrate. Look, look. He
gets the motivation wrong, but he always knows the
target without input from us. What is this man?
Clairvoyant? No. Men would just rather commit
international subjuge than go to therapy. This
briefing is not pium and will self-destruct.
The words really pop off the page, don't they?
I'd like to adopt a wife. You mean a child bride?
I don't care what you do with them after the ink
dries. That came out wrong. I I'd like to lawfully
bind myself to a child. This little weirdo
might be your speed. Fun fact about me. Oh,
my visit princess. Excellent. There will be
no paper trail if she dies on this mission,
this top secret spy mission, because
I'm an international [Music] super spy.
What are you looking at, you
little meat puppet? Do a flip
or I'm adopting something else. My
joints aren't developed yet. Uhohoo.
Ooh. Ooh. I want that one. I want that one. This
is your one and only debrief. I'm allergic to fun,
Fortnite dances, and child dander.
You're allowed to slumber here, here,
and here. You watch this garbage. We can't afford
cable. I work for a nonprofit. The only one at
your job not making a profit is you. She just
doesn't understand the Sigma mentality. Now
it's time for reconnaissance. I'm going out for
food stamps. It's welfare Wednesday. I want to do
this by himself, too. Daddy is not a spy. Double
restored. I'm the world's greatest spy. Father,
I want to eat microlastics. Good news.
We're in a first world country. It's in
everything. One credit card, please. Here's
our highest interest rate. It has Hello Kitty
on it. Hello Kitty. Goodbye college fund.
I got to pay club this kid before I have
to refinance my streaming services.
That's not even my operation. Father,
do I hit her back? What do I do? McDonald's
coffee cup. We can put a rock in it. Shake it.
I'm tossing that in the rubbish
as soon as she falls asleep.
It's time to learn how to be a normal child. I
am a normal child. I am not normal enough. I'll
digest the text better if I eat it. That covers
plastic. Normal children don't learn by eating.
They cheat with Wiki Google. And don't touch my
stuff while I'm out. The code to my Ouya is 80085
and no Fortnite dances. You actually left
your child to get cigarettes. You got the
whole internet laughing, bro. Give me the
scoop, please. I'm a thirsty little flower.
Do you want Maxim or Sports Illustrated? No,
I want the scoop. This is a magazine stand,
sir. If you're soliciting sexual favors,
I'm calling the police. Scoop me up already,
[ __ ] boy. You're the sitch [ __ ] right? I am,
but not a single word you said was in the cipher.
Are you freelance? No, I'm government flavor.
You're amateur. Get the effing [ __ ] out of
here. You make me ill. Father needs our help
on his mission. What do you think, Mr. Bear?
[Music]
You are but just a whisk in the claim
of God's kindness. I love you, too.
We're receiving a transmission from Twilight.
He's become self-aware. He's halfway to full-time
benefits. Send in the union busters. Phew. Father
will be so happy, right, Mr. Bear? There's no
time for games, Project Shadow. You only have
one mission. Rid our oceans of microlastics.
If father fails his mission, we'll have to leave.
Economists are predicting
a 20 to 30% hit to our GDP.
Finally, my formal interview. Are
you proud of daddy now, aren't you?
H. It seems I've been compromised. I need
to get to safety and a new tie. As for Anna,
there's plenty of kids in the farm. All of us
are in the fight of our lives. Now, I take solace
knowing that our spy agency is so healthy and open
that the man organizing this misguided endeavor
actually approached me directly, as I am sharing
with all of you now. While we're being open with
each other, my wife's giving birth today and I'd
like some fraternity. As the CEO of government,
I know the truth. I sit with our people. I eat our
people. I am the people. Hey, King Government. We
found a front runner for the Union Chair. That guy
was really professional. I'll left a CV and a list
of references in his pocket if you need them.
Actually, I think Twilight just made himself
redundant. Huh? What kind of team Jagger [ __ ]
is this? I'm the world's best spy. I'll have to
switch occupations and become a method actor.
Or else to become a terrible person. [Music]
Listen, your dad's a complicated beam. His
guardians abandoned him as a weaby and he's
been in danger his whole life. He doesn't want
that life for you either. Father is an orphan,
too. Anya and our couple bloat, Ben
and Jerry. If it's Jerry with two R's,
you're good. If not, Shoo. Shoo. Go away, you
stupid animal. I don't love you anymore. Oh no,
he got bigger. If I truly loved
her. Letting go would hurt too much.
[Music]
Oh no. Combustible flower.
Can none of you working? Unison,
tell me one thing, sir. Elephant man,
you have a freaking gun to my head. Am I
turtly enough for the turtle club? Gosh damn,
you are the world's greatest spy. Welcome to
the team, Agent Twilight. Oh my gosh. For real?
[Music] Huh? Anya. Father. Father. I disguised
myself as a booth. No, I didn't want this life
for you. I adopted you, father. I own you. I own
you too, Anna. And I have the receipt. Leaving a
paper trail is sloppy. Father, if we are
truly to sell the illusion of a family,
I'll need to find her a mother. Being a hot
single father draws too much attention. The
single fathers are not in this season. But I
guess you can't be picky at your age. Y. I'm
27. They've arrested spinsters younger than you.
It's considered suspicious by the government with
all these spies on the streets today. You know,
from all the union protests. So, make sure to
bring a cute boyfriend to my husband's bridge
this weekend where I'm calling the police. Bye.
It's all good. They/ them and associates.
We heard you were in need of assistance
preparing your retirement plan and or will.
I'm not that old. H got too comfortable with
my career and life flew by. I have enough adult
diapers. It's your Nigerian prince. Very funny,
sir. Maintain that smile. You have a
client this evening, thorn princess.
Pardon me, cherished elder, but are you lost?
Whose mom is this? Do I look like the motherly
type to you? Are those crochet needles?
Look at that. She's got dementia. Pardon me,
cherished senator, but there are some holes
in your administration in need of sewing.
They are crochet needles, aren't they?
And what kind of granny can't even knit?
Here are all the hot stockable spinsters
in your area. You owe me a new computer.
Can't we call in another spy to play my
wife? There's a shortage of female spies
at the agency. Because of the union protests.
Because of the sexual harassment protests. How
does the world keep spinning with so many of
its finest agents? MIA. Almost like it spins
just fine without us. Now hurry up. I hear single
fathers are going out of season. And soon it will
be the summer of Frankie. Is having a can a
bad thing? Only if you're a single mother,
Anna. Got too comfortable with my career and
my life flew by. You've been employed for 16
hours and now I can afford retail therapy. Come
on you. Let's get matching pants suits. You have
15 minutes unpaid before you have to cover the
other spies shifts. Leave some room to grow.
Surely there's one woman around here desperate
enough to play along. Hello fellow old woman. My
dress is in dire need of repair. Can't stitch
it yourself. Back to the heady untiled soil.
It's rude to stare, sir. Oh, sorry for giving you
the old ticks. I was just attracted to my physical
appearance despite my age. Miss, I'm 26 and a
half, and honestly, I thought you were younger
than me. Father, my link has been established. Oh,
no. I'm a cradle rocking home wrecker. Then again,
I could just assassinate his wife. No, no, no.
I mustn't think these impure thoughts. Ann,
you better not [ __ ] this up for me. My thoughts
you are attempting to exercise our destru
Oh how I yearn for my dummy mommy. I know it's
out of line, but should I hit her back for you?
You and I are going to get along famously.
Now follow me outside for debriefing. Oh,
so so soon? And so it was my late wife's final
request to enroll our daughter into the finest
nuclear family dynamics worshipping school in the
country, which will be possible if you pose as my
wife during the interview. I accept, but only
if you pose as my boyfriend for a party. I just
started this new job and I want to make a good
impression on the boss. Mother would love to.
We're going to cover this shift quickly
so I can make it to the party. I'm just
a sitch [ __ ] I can't help you with I'll
report you to management for looking up
hot stalkable spinsters on company time. I am
management and you'll have to give yourself
compliance training. This is how I'm repaid for
trying to make a difference in the world. We're
seizing 78 art pieces valued at 3 million dulks.
Reward yourself with the few that go missing.
I'm mailordered and everything. Hope he wasn't
expecting a tip. You actually came alone. You're
the most courageous woman I know. I will quietly
await death now. Now, which one of these babies
shall become my meager gratuitity? You can't
honestly expect a tip after that performance.
We're being chased. That said, dibs. Hey, that's
the most expensive one. It's a work expense.
[Music]
Welcome, chosen one, to your new unearned life
full of big tittied anime waifuss and low bar
profit margins. [Music] So, we're all excited
to see that you've begun the process of dying.
And now we're wondering if you'd like to stop
inconveniencing us with the thought of our own
mortality and go to a fun retirement home. You'd
get to wear a pretty new dress that you can poop
in, and they'll change it like every 2 weeks if
it's staffed properly. Talk about your lowbudget
retirement plans. No food or movies. I'm sorry.
Ran late finding a babysitter for Anna, but you
should see the other guy. Y, you didn't tell me
you had a husband. This is my second marriage, and
I already have a quirky pigh-head child. So, your
didn't want to make anybody seed with jealousy
over that slash still is. Trust me, I'm not, and I
doubt it. Whoops. Enjoy the Harvey dent treatment.
It is. Damn. Wife, are you doing anything
after? Your is good at keeping secrets.
Did she tell you about the disgusting
work she did before? What did those men
in the hotel rooms call it? Massages? Massages
were an alibi for occupational murders. Lloyd,
what a noble profession. Huh? You're and I
have been supporting ourselves since we were
children. We both understand that working
hard for one's dignity and with pride can
be the loneliest endeavor, even when it's a
job that soothes the loneliness of others.
I am so hashtag blessed to have found another
with such long history of equally tight work
ethic and the only thing I find disgusting is
your behavior Camila your daft miserable worn out
hag in that graton is saltier than you are sorry
Dave nothing said was untrue let's go home your
there he is get him damn [ __ ] spills
the tea but she can't drink it calling
assassins on my new husband
And Camila would stoop solo.
Your words, not mine. That was too good
to be true. I should have known. No,
it's just Twilight. Twilight, your cover is about
to be blown, and the agency is offering your only
out. But you got to take it right now. It's Lloyd.
Huh? Lloyd Forger. I'm an independent contractor,
but for once in my cosmically inconsequential
life, I'd like to depend on someone else if I
wasn't such a coward. Honey, you just insulted
the head of a homeowners association while
wearing Men's Warehouse. You're the most
courageous man I've ever met. I'm afraid
I'm afraid of disappointing the people who depend on me.
You will.
What matters most is that you be there.
Even in sickness… or in sadness…
No matter what hardships await us…
I’ve heard of shotgun weddings but this is ridiculous!
Until death…
Until mission’s end…
Do our grinds part.
[Music]
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