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so how's kther poly oh my Lord what
that's princess
Pali I'm pretty sure her name's Lita no
no princess panchali from the monkey and
the
princess oh yeah I tried to watch that
online but they wanted my credit
card it's a children's story no no it
isn't when I was a little boy and got
sick which was most of the time my
mother would read it to me it's about an
Indian princess who befriends a monkey
who was mocked by all the other monkeys
because he was different for some reason
I related to it quite
strongly I know the
reason we all know the
reason Sheldon what are you getting at
that woman looks exactly like the
pictures of Princess Pali in the book
how often does one see a beloved
fictional character come to life every
year at
Comic-Con every day at Disneyland you
can hire Snow White to come to your
house of course they prefer it if you
have a
kid hey guys this is Lita Gupta Lita
this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard
and Penny isn't it great she isn't fat
anymore forgive me your highness for I
am but a monkey and it is in my nature
to climb I did not mean to gaze upon you
as you comb your
hair I'm sorry you are the living
embodiment of the beautiful princess
panchala
oh no kidding who who is that a beloved
character from an Indian folk tale
oh us Indian or come to our Casino
Indian you Indian oh the resemblance is
remarkable I can practically smell the
Lotus blossoms woven into your ebony
hair thanks I imagine you smell very
nice too I shower twice a day and wash
my hands as often as I can
really so do I but you're a dentist he's
nuts don't be insulting rajes so Sheldon
tell me more about this princess you say
I look like it was said that the gods
fashioned her eyes out of the stars and
that roses were ashamed to bloom in the
presence of her Ruby lips well my back
off Sheldon what if you do not stop
hitting on my lady you will feel the
full extent of my wrath
I'm not hitting on her and I am not your
lady but and you have no
wrath you are my lady our parents said
so we are for all intents and purposes
100% hooked up okay let's get something
straight here the only reason I came
tonight was to get my parents off my
case I certainly don't need to be
getting this old world crap from you
that's exactly the kind of spirit with
which princess panchali led the monkeys
to Freedom screw princess panchali hey
you can't talk to me like that but
you're not princess Pali luckily for you
she could have you be
beheaded Chen are you hungry I could eat
let's
go what just happened beats the hell out
of me tell you what happened I just
learned how to pick up Indian
chicks there's the man of the
hour okay so we now have a socially
awkward genius in a room full of
attractive age appropriate women oh yes
to do now is hook up with one of
them anyone else see the flaw on this
plan we need a social Catalyst like what
we can't get 15-year-old girls
drunk or can we no we
can't don't think you mean we can't I
think you mean we
shouldn't okay we cannot leave this to
chance let's pick a girl and figure fure
out how to get her together with Dennis
okay how about that
one uh-uh I know the type cheerleader
student counsel goes out with the jocks
won't even look at anybody in the gifted
program and if after 2 years of begging
she does agree to go out with you it
turns out to be a setup and you're in
the backseat of your mom's car with your
pants off all the whole football team
laughs at
you are you crying no I have
allergies okay um oh hey I'm want h
sure who wants to spend a couple years
doing her homework while she drinks
herself into a stoer with non-fat White
Russians you're the one holding her head
out of the toilet while she's puking and
telling you she wishes more guys were
like you and then she gets in a Cornell
because you wrote her essay for her and
you drive up to visit her one weekend
and she acts like she doesn't even know
you okay so not her
either how about her interesting kind of
pretty little chubby so probably low
self-esteem that's our girl one of us
should go talk to her I can't talk to
her you do it I can't just go up and
talk to her how are you talk to her I
don't know she'll never go for the kid
once she gets a peek at
this you know if we were in India this
would be simpler 5 minutes with her dad
20 goats on a laptop and we'd be done
well we're not in India all right why
don't we do it your way then we'll
arrange for this girl to move in across
the hall from Dennis so he can
pathetically Moon over her for months on
end
okay that was uncalled for you started a
dude can I have everyone's attention
please what a wonderful occasion this is
and how fortunate that it should happen
to fall on take your daughter to work
day we're here to welcome Mr Dennis Kim
to our little family welcome Dennis
Kim Mr cim was not only the
valedictorian at Stanford University he
is also the youngest recipient of the
prestigious Stevenson award youngest
till the cyborgs rise
up and now without any further Ado let
me introduce the man of the hour Mr
Dennis
Kim
Dennis Dennis
what would you like to tell us a little
bit about your upcoming research oh no
thanks I'm going to the mall with Emma
uh the kid got a
girl
unbelievable did anyone see how he did
it how did that little yuts get a girl
on his own I guess times have changed
since we were young smart is the new
sexy then why do we go home alone every
night we're still smart maybe we're too
smart so smart it's
off-putting yeah let's go with that
hey look at
that it's Dennis
Kim wow I almost didn't recognize him
you know I kind of feel bad about what
we did to
[Music]
him yeah we really ruined his
[Music]
life hey made
L you just called Leonard a syphilitic
donkey
my apologies Leonard I'm only as good as
my
teacher why are you learning Chinese I
believe the sewan palace has been
passing off orange chicken as tangerine
chicken and I intend to confront
them I were you I'd be more concerned
about what they're passing off is
chicken I need to use your window oh hey
yeah no sure go
ahead hey jerk face you forgot your iPod
what's going on oh I'll tell you what's
going on that stupid self-centered
bastard wrote about our sex life in his
blog drop dead you stupid self-center
bastard thank
you okay where were we it's not now I
have a Blog to
find I really thought Mike was different
I thought he was sensitive and smart I
mean not you smart normal non-f freaky
smart yeah know sure you know and then
he just goes and has to humiliate Me by
writing about me on his blog so the
entire world can read it actually tell
you it's not all that easy to find yeah
really well my friends at work found it
my sister found it judging by my email a
number of prisoners at the Michigan
State Penitentiary found
it what exactly did this guy write not
that I need to know the details of your
sex SL I just thought never
mind no you know what you might as well
read it everybody else has good oh God I
just feel so betrayed and embarrassed
just want to crawl into a hole and
die okay well you know this isn't that
bad it it just Paints the picture of a
very affectionate woman who's open to
expressing her affection in
nontraditional Loc
oh God
elevators Parks movie
theaters out of curiosity is this Subway
the transportation system or Subway the
sandwich
shop sandwi
shop BT
[Applause]
BT crazy man call the police you know
booy
so what's your news remember that little
planetary object I spotted beyond the
Kyer belt oh yeah 208 andq sub 17 or as
I call it Planet
Bollywood anyway because of my Discovery
People magazine is naming me one of the
30 under 30 to watch wow congratulations
incredible
excuse me with 30 what under 30 what to
watch
what 30 Visionaries under 30 years of
age to watch as they challenge the
preconceptions of the
fields If I Had a Million guesses I
never would have gotten
that it's pretty cool they've got me in
with a guy who's doing something about
hunger in Indonesia and a
psychotherapist who's using Dolphins to
rehabilitate prisoners and Ellen paig
star of the Charming independent film
Juno oh I'd so do her
you do the
dolphins do I get an honorable mention
for Designing the telescope camera
mounting bracket you used sorry it's not
part of my heartwarming and personal
narrative in which a humble boy from New
Delhi overcame poverty and Prejudice and
journey to America to reach for the
stars poverty your father's a
gynecologist he drives a
Bentley it's a
lease so anyway after a fantastic lunch
I was whisked off to the People magazine
photo shoot have any of you boys ever
been to a photo shoot uhoh it's
fantasting apparently the camera loves
me and I
it they shot me in front of a starry
background where I posed like
this they're going to digitally add a
supernova they say it's the perfect
metaphor for my incandescent Talent
right a ball of hot flaming gas that
collapses upon
itself excuse me oh it's my assistant
Trevor go for uh-huh they gave him an
assistant if I want a new pen I have to
go to the bank with wire
cutters have we at this point met our
social obligations not yet okay just put
it on my calendar but start thinking of
a reason why I can't go all right gly
out God bless that boy I don't know what
I'd do without him you just got him this
afternoon noon yes but I'm funny that
having a Lackey suits
me a Lackey oh I'm sorry is that
Politically Incorrect in India we just
call them
Untouchables now
almost speaking of Untouchables I've got
great news for you
guys People magazine is having reception
this Saturday and I managed to get you
invited oh gee thanks oh you're welcome
of course I couldn't get you into the
VIP section because you know that's for
VIPs and you guys are just you know
bees there's a tribe in Papua New Guy
where when a hunter flaun his success to
the rest of the village they kill him
and drive away evil spirits with a drum
made of his skin superstitious nonsense
of course but one can't see their
point here you go Raj you might want to
drink this one slowly okay so s Saturday
night can I count on my posy gee I'd
love to Raj but I can't make it oh okay
Leonard uh no I can
no Sheldon I can make it but I
won't what are you guys talking about
well there's a reception for my magazine
article on Saturday and you guys aren't
going I can't believe you Raj is
celebrating a tremendous accomplishment
and you're not even going to be there to
support him a tremendous accomplishment
would be if the planetary body he
discovered were plummeting toward Earth
and he exploded it with his
mind that would be cool i' go to that
reception come on this is huge raja's
going to be in People magazine and he
didn't even have to knock up one of the
spear
sisters would you like to go with
me of course I would I would be honored
really cool shame on you
guys look at that I got a did with
Benny I can't believe it took you a
whole
year now
[Laughter]
now hey buddy I'm going to be in People
magazine yeah call me when you're on the
cover
[Music]
telephone wires can't electrocute you
can
they no look this has to stop oh no no
no it is just beginning all right I
really didn't want to do this
but
here what's
this Sheldon's
Kryptonite oh my
God he can never know that I gave that
to you look I said I wanted to hurt him
but but
this it'll shorten the war by 5 years
and save millions of
lives hello oh hi yeah hold on a second
I'll get him Sheldon it's for you who is
it your mother oh
good hi Mom how are you
but
Mom she keeps sitting in my
spot and she touched my
food okay yes I took her clothes but she
started
it no that's not
fair why should I have to
apologize I really don't think this is
the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself
with no you're right I don't really know
what Jesus thinks
about all right
goodbye did you tell on me are you
kidding me I already have two
[Music]
strikes
Penny
Penny
Penny I am very very sorry for what I
have done here's your laundry I resend
your strikes and you are no longer
banished can I sit wherever I
want no no never mind never mind that's
that's that's not
important Sheldon this was big of you
thank you I really appreciate it thank
you good night Sheldon
Penny
yes well
played thank you just remember with
great power comes great
responsibility
understood oh thank God you're here
what's the emergency I got the Mars
rover stuck in a
ditch where on a Dusty highway just
outside Bakersfield where do you think
on
Mars Hey Howard is everything okay yeah
baby I'll be right in
you brought a girl to the Mars rover
control room yeah I picked her up in the
bar she's a doctor one free Baron my
mother won't care she's not
Jewish wait a minute so the eye patch
and the insults worked no there were
three other guys with eye patches it was
a
fiasco what did work was how'd you like
to visit a secret government facility so
what exactly do you want us to do I need
you and Raj to help me get the Rover out
of the ditch and I need you to get
Stephanie out before somebody notices
she's here she doesn't exactly have
clearance really they don't let strange
women from Honky Tonks come in and play
with $200 million government projects on
distant planets yes I was bad maybe
she'll spank me can we please move
[Music]
on Hey Howard you know it's getting late
so do I get to drive this thing or what
yeah no I'm sorry but something's come
up kind of a Mars Rover Mars Rover can
Howard come over
situation so my friend Leonard is going
to take you home oh okay let's go friend
Leonard okay I'll call you yeah so are
you a scientist like Howard no one's a
scientist like
Howard my mother is so going to love her
how nice maybe they can carpool when
they visit you in federal
[Music]
prison sorry I totally interrupted you
what what what were you saying just said
Howard's a terrific guy
yeah he's got a great sense of
humor he loves his mother a lot some
people say too
much I really like that you're such a
loyal friend yeah I am loyal you know if
you look at the big
picture
just out of curiosity did he ever have a
shot with you are you insane the guy was
wearing an eye
[Music]
patch then why did you he said that I
could drive a car on
Mars got
it so can I see you again you're not
done seeing me
now
cool ooh is this one of those paintball
guns yeah you ought to come with us
sometime oh no thanks I'm from Nebraska
when we shoot things it's because we
want to eat them or make them leave our
boyfriends
alone
oh you think he'll
notice there's a
chance oh what are we going to do
we no no no you had your chance to be we
for like a year and a half
now right now you are you and you are
screwed why do we have to tell him I did
it well we're not going to tell him I
did it okay okay how about this we tell
him somebody broke
in just to shoot the couch with a
paintball gun I'm sorry I buy it those
people are on
drugs we could tell him they wanted the
couch to stay away from their
boyfriend okay fine what if we just flip
it
over there looks fine right butt print
there's no discernible butt
print oh come
on there butt print it's too small and
Too Perfect
thank you you're
welcome sh act
normal
shouting how was the comic book store
fine the new issue of flash is out great
great did you walk the whole way it's a
little chilly C rali picked me up isn't
that terrific he is such a good friend
you know what the best thing about
friends is they don't talk incessantly
for no particular reason
no no a friends forgive the little
things you know I got to go home and
wash my hair don't you dare
Missy hello fastest man
alive want to see me read your entire
comic
book want to see it again
something's
wrong what do you mean I'm not
sure it doesn't feel
right I don't know what you're talking
about
oh that Penny did
that it's hot in here must be summer
it's hot in here must be summer it's hot
in here must be summer it's hot in here
must be
summer that's cute really I just made it
up have you seen Slum Dog
Millionaire oh yeah I loved it it's
Loosely based on my
life and that bright Little Star peeking
her head out early today that's
Venus that is so cool you really know a
lot about space come on when you were on
TV in Firefly you were actually in
space you're not one of those guys who
really believe that are you you mean one
of the Hopeless Geeks no those are crazy
people
how it be a deer and get me another one
of
these now him he's one of those
Geeks do you believe him normally around
women he has the personality of a boiled
potato put one beer in them and his mite
charmal aralon
is that what he's drinking it's not even
real beer what look at it not alcoholic
beer what's going on I don't know some
sort of placebo effect I guess Placebo
you say
interesting yes I'm still here where am
I going I'm on a train now what you'll
be looking for is a small wooden box
located between a hobman sphere and a
sample of quartz flecked with
pyite hobman sphere it's a collapsible
iosi do
decahedron no the thing with the time on
it is my alarm
clock actually in India the names of
constellations are different where you
have the Big Dipper we have the big Cy
pot you're making that up you got me now
what are you going to do with me
Raj yes look what am I looking at you
tell me non-alcoholic
[Applause]
beer hi I'm the small package good
things come
in uh Hey Leonard can I talk to you
about something sure what's up remember
I went out with your friend Penny a
couple weeks ago yeah vaguely sure you
remember that was the night you went to
the bar and made a fool of yourself
trying to pick up strange
women what about
it well uh the thing is the date didn't
go that well oh too bad
you I guess the thing to do now is just
pick yourself up dust yourself off
forget it and move on I can't do that
why the hell
not cuz we're going out again tomorrow
excuse me steuart have you read the new
Flash no well I have and it will knock
your socks
off good luck getting them back
on uh anyway I figured this is probably
my last shot with penny and I don't want
to screw it up nobody wants that so
here's my question it's the second date
you think she'll be expecting things to
get
physical uh oh gee um my initial
reaction is no but um you know um let me
think about it and get back to you okay
okay so you'll give me a call yeah or
you call me
great or nobody calls
anyone interesting Penny's current Sut
asking advice from her former suo yeah
thanks for close captioning my pain
Raj hey you want to make sure he gets
nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing
your friendship with either of them I'm
listening just tell him to do everything
you ' done with her for the last 2
years hey Leonard hey Stuart you busy um
classified Leonard yeah it's a regular
Manhattan
Project's up well tonight's my date with
Penny and since we haven't been able to
connect by phone yeah I'm sorry it's
been broken or email yeah no that's
broken too everything's broken
anyway I was just wondering if you had
any last minute advice uh all right um
well off the top of my head you know I
think the most important thing with
penny is to go really
slow I mean
glacial okay you know guys come on to
her all the time so you need to like set
yourself apart you know be a little shy
don't make too much eye contact and you
know trater was like cool detachment and
and and you know
fear fear yeah like you you're afraid
that if you touch her she'll
break well that plays right into my
wheelhouse good good well you you kids
have fun tonight thanks Leonard what is
that thing
anyway you don't know what this is no
good get
out be AF afraid of Penny nice very
crafty it wasn't bad advice it just
wasn't particularly
helpful for what it's worth my mother
says that when we deceive for personal
gain we make Jesus
cry I just want you both to know when I
publish my findings I won't forget your
contributions great of course I can't
mention you in my Nobel Acceptance
Speech but but when I get around to
writing my Memoirs you can expect a very
effusive footnote and perhaps a signed
copy you have to tell him tell me
what damn his Vulcan
hearing you fellas are planning a party
for me aren't
you okay Sheldon sit
down if there's going to be a theme I
should let you know that I don't care
for Lu toga or under the
sea yeah we'll keep that in mind look we
need to talk to you about something that
happened at the North Pole if this is
about the night the heat went out
there's nothing to be embarrassed
about it's not about that and we agreed
to never speak of it again so we slept
together
naked it was only to keep our core body
temperatures from
plummeting he's speaking about it for me
it was a bonding moment
[Music]
Sheldon you remember the first few weeks
we were looking for magnetic monopoles
and not finding anything and you were
acting like an obnoxious giant
dictator I thought we were going to be
gentle with him that's why I added the
Tater and when we finally got our first
positive data you were so happy oh yes
in the world of emoticons I was colon
capital D
well in actuality what your equipment
detected wasn't so much evidence of
Paradigm shifting monopoles as it
was static from the electric can opener
we were turning on and
[Music]
off he just went goon capital
O you tampered with my experiment we had
to it was the only way to keep you from
being such a huge
dzian you see that I added the
Enzian did Leonard know about this
Leonard's my best friend in the world
surely Leonard didn't know actually it
was his idea of course it was the whole
plan reeks of
Leonard I missed you so much I missed
you too I couldn't think of anyone else
while you were gone me
neither except for one night when the
heat went
out long stories don't ask
Leonard Leonard
Leonard do not make a
sound Whispering do not make a
sound it's a
sound damn is Vulcan
hearing not a good time
Sheldon Penny Penny Penny oh this is
ridiculous what hello Penny I realize
you're currently at the mercy of your
primitive biological urges but as you
have an entire lifetime of poor
decisions ahead of you may I interrupt
this
one it's great to see you too come on in
walowitz has informed me of your grand
deception do you have anything to say
for yourself yes I feel terrible about
it I will never forgive myself I don't
expect you to either and I would really
appreciate it if you would leave me with
penny for a session of self-criticism
and repentance
okay can someone please tell me what's
going on here what's going on is I was
led to believe I was making
groundbreaking strides in science when
in fact I was being fed false data at
the hands of walowitz cther poly and
your furry little boy
toy what what do you mean what it's Halo
night I can't I'm too sick go
away that's why we moved Halo night here
look I brought my mom's chicken soup I'm
not hungry don't send him away let him
in who is that I bought a
barrot yeah
right Dr Plimpton hi Howard right uh
yeah can I ask you a question Howard do
you like role playing
games yeah sure in fact I'm a dungeon
master
not tonight tonight you are a delivery
man you brought soup but uhoh Raj and I
don't have enough money to pay you so
we'll have to come to some other kind of
arrangement beg
pardon you two figure out the details
I'm going to go change into something I
don't mind getting ripped off my milky
flesh what the fruck
go away she wants New Deli not koser
Deli besides you have a girlfriend you
broke up weeks ago why didn't you say
anything I was waiting for the right
time this is the right
time hey who's ready for Halo oh this is
like a nightmare get
lost he's right the numbers are shaky
enough as it is I don't understand oh
good Leonard's here
good Elizabeth what's going on what's
going on is you and Howard are my moving
men and Raja is my new landlord and I
don't have enough money to pay any of
you is she suggesting what I think she's
suggesting yep welcome to the Penthouse
Forum okay show of hands who's up for
this we'll all be naked in front of each
other I'm
out everybody
ready Follow My Lead all almost uh we're
going to go out into the hallway and uh
make a dramatic entrance oh good it's so
much better when everyone commits run
run run run don't look back I thought we
had something
special so you say you can't pay your
[Applause]
rent hey hey leard will you please tell
Howard my sister's never been attracted
to him
come on Raj how am I supposed to know
who she's attracted to or was attracted
to or who she might be attracted to in
the
future and I have nothing to contribute
to this
conversation because I too know
absolutely nothing about Prius
preferences in male
companionship and with that I will rezip
my
lip hey so what did you guys think of
the new episode of Capra last night I
didn't see it didn't see it what were
you
doing I I was out what on Capra night
yeah I I went for a drink really you
where where did you go to
uh Lucky
Baldwins oh I I've heard of that place
isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish
Watering
Hole yes did you meet anyone interesting
there perhaps a promiscuous redheaded
bid as a matter of fact I I can't I
can't I can't do it sure you can you're
doing fine it's very
believable I'm sorry Raj but the truth
is I was with priia last night don't
listen to him he's still lightheaded
from all the Irish whiskey and pickled
eggs in his system what were you doing
with Trio I believe they engaged in Kus
but more importantly if Leonard had not
abandoned his story would you have found
it plausible you slept with my sister
yeah how could you we had a pack excuse
me I think how could you she's my sister
takes precedence over a 5-year-old pinky
swe may I point out in a parallel
universe your friends are saying Maggie
McGary she sounds
lovely I I admit it I I may have crossed
a line here but come on Raj your sister
is a grown woman and to her I'm a
forbidden piece of white
chocolate I I don't believe it this is a
terrible betrayal of my trust would it
help if I told you that I offered her my
heart and and she kind of stomped on it
how hard did she
stomp very
hard okay I'm
good okay well Raj I just want to say
that I never betray your trust unlike
Leonard I respect
you really
M was it out of respect that you didn't
tell Raj about the time he dropped his
iPhone in a
urinal dude I put that thing on my
face I think a more amusing violation of
Raj's trust is when Howard convinced him
that foreigners give presents to
Americans on
Thanksgiving hey I didn't see you giving
back your Snoopy snow cone maker that
was all a lie this year's gifts are
already wrapped and as long as we're
talking about betraying our friends how
about the month Sheldon spent grinding
up insects and mixing them into
Leonard's Food well excuse me that was
not a betrayal that was an experiment to
determine at what concentration food
starts tasting
mafy you put moths in my
food for
science I can't believe you kissed my
sister with moth mouth
I can't believe you used Sheldon's
toothbrush you used my toothbrush not
the brush but just just a little rubber
thing to pick food for my teeth and
massage my
gums okay I I I I think it's safe to say
that we've all done some things we're
not particularly proud
of but come on we're friends friends
Overlook each other's minor lapses
for the record Howard I'm sorry that I
broke our
P thank you and I'm sorry about your
phone and
Thanksgiving and while we're at it you
don't have to wash our clothes on the
4th of
July as long as we're apologizing
Sheldon I'm I'm sorry I used your
toothbrush and I'm sorry but that
behavior is beyond the pale and cannot
be tolerated we are no longer
friends I go you a Talking Thomas the
Tank Engine for Thanksgiving with real
puffing
smoke
yes all
right but I'm watching you
[Music]
oh
God oh
God
oh okay look this never happened do you
understand me
really still can't talk to
me what are you doing
here what I said what are you doing here
I live here I have paperwork that says
differently PR is going back to India
irrelevant rajes and I have a good thing
going and you're not going to ruin it
what are you doing
here been up all night I had a fight
with bernardet why she gave me a
beautiful
watch lard do you understand
this yes talk to
[Applause]
him damn
what's going on
oh it's it's not what it looks
like what does it look
[Music]
like are you getting this nextmen uh
yeah it's issue number 21 first
appearance of Hellboy I know I've been
looking for it for years sorry hey if I
pretended to hit on you could I distract
you enough to sneak it away
yes but you'd be using your superpowers
for
evil damn I'm forbidden by my Kryptonian
father to do
so I'm Alice all right Leonard you're
very cute Leonard thanks you too you
don't go ahead and take
it no no no no I I I did Evil would you
be open to a trade uh yeah sure I guess
okay here this is my
number call me sorry Palm's a little
sweaty what's that
word Alice oh write your name that makes
more sense than
penis
later did I just see you pick up a girl
in a comic bookstore cuz if you did you
get your picture up there on the wall of
Heroes no I don't think I picked her up
besides I have a girlfriend it doesn't
matter this is the closest anyone's ever
come you're going on the wall my
check it out Jim Lee Drew this of me two
years ago at
ComicCon what are you wearing well you
know it's
Comic-Con I'm lion o from
ThunderCats wow you must have gotten so
late no but Jessica Alba did rub my
furry
belly want to see a comic ey draw you're
kidding you have your own book yeah it's
kind of based on my life
cool oh well look there's you having sex
with a guy in the top half of a
Chewbacca
costume Comic-Con you think but
no you're very talented this is really
good did you
do so can I trade you my comment for the
Hellboy you can have my
[Music]
car damn it I can't I can't I can't do
this is it my tongue stud cuz if that
freaks you out you're in for a real
surprise later on no no no no I I I I
can't do this believe me I really want
to but but I I kind of have a
girlfriend you kidding you're cool with
you and me just being friends right I
don't believe this wa I don't which
part so stupid I thought for once I'd
been a good guy but you're just another
jackass oh no no you have it
wrong no I I was going to be a jackass
but I stopped
myself I stayed a good guy so I'm going
to pass on the sex but uh you should
know that's not a comment on your
hotness but on my
goodness that's kind of my superpower
I'm I'm I'm like Captain good
guy it's okay did the right
thing you
[Music]
idiot why are you up how am I supposed
to sleep been married less than 24 hours
and my wife isn't speaking to
me perhaps you can think of this in a
more positive light
in one day you've managed to do what it
takes many couples decades to
achieve hey hey you couldn't sleep
either of course not me neither no but I
just had a tickle in my
throat not profound marital
problems what are we going to do I don't
know please tell me how I can fix it I'm
glad you
asked as I see there's a simple solution
your lips had a diance with the lips of
another woman it seems only logical that
to restore balance to the relationship
you should find another man and Dally
with him and by dally I mean some
hardcore mouth-on-mouth
action okay that is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard actually think he's on
to
something well you can't be serious cuz
I messed up and made out with a girl
you're going to do the same with a
random guy I'm currently single
that's true you
are what is
happening I will tell you what is
happening I am saving my best friend's
[Applause]
marriage uh Penny you want to check this
out yeah sure all right just look
through here and if you want to take a
picture just push that button
okay oh what is that is it Mercury I'm
really joning for
mercury I think it's a little early for
Mercury to be visible yet playing hard
to get I like that in a
planet oh there's something fuzzy is it
your teen
years
no yes shut up look really I think I see
something oh it could just be your
eyelash it's not an eyelash okay well uh
take a picture let's see okay
here H I do see something told you what
is it I don't know maybe it's a comet
that would be so cool you guys want to
see a real star look over here what I
just got
retweeted by Patton oswalt's brother
[Music]
guys hey so guess what that indeed was a
comet last night and it turns out no
one's seen it before wow really look at
that I discovered a comet what do you
mean you discovered it well I'm the one
who saw it in my telescope that I
positioned all you did was look into it
well you both discovered it you can put
both your names on the registration form
actually we can't why not because when I
fill it out it asked for name of
Discoverer and put Rajesh Kali
because because that's who I am and
that's what I did are you kidding me
well he is the one who knew it was a
comet no he didn't he thought it was an
eyelash and you thought it was a fuzzy
streak I mean do you even know what a
comet is yeah the thing I saw
first I honestly don't think that that
qualifies as a discovery but I took the
picture because I told you to like if a
monkey took the picture to discover the
comet excuse me
he didn't mean monkey get the hell out
of my apartment she didn't mean that
actually I think she did you should go
[Music]
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