[English]
Get everybody else. Finally, I can start
celebrating my
I'm sorry. Apparently, I've opened the
door to the past.
>> Okay, Monica, come on. Okay, what what
you just saw
>> Can I ask you just a little question?
Why tonight?
What? See, I've been waiting my whole
life to be engaged. And unlike some
people, I only plan on doing this once.
So, you know, I know I may be selfish
and I'm sorry about it, but I I was kind
of hoping tonight could just be about
that.
>> Oh, honey, but it is. No, it's not. No,
no, now it's about you and Ross getting
back together.
>> What?
>> Yeah, you kind of stole my thunder.
>> Okay, hold on. Hold on. We did not steal
your thunder because we are not getting
back together.
>> Yeah, no. And and and you know what?
Nobody even saw.
>> Yeah.
>> That's true.
>> Hey, I swear, we just kissed.
>> a kiss.
>> KISSED?
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
ARE YOU ARE YOU GETTING BACK TOGETHER?
CAN I SING AT YOUR WEDDING?
>> [laughter]
>> THUNDER BEING STOLEN.
>> OKAY, PHOEBE, it's nothing.
>> Look, what's not make a big deal out of
this. It was a one-time thing. It
doesn't even matter.
>> Oh my god.
>> [laughter]
>> I cannot believe you guys are talking
about this. The problems in the bedroom
ARE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
ALL RIGHT? NOW, CHANDLER is doing THE
BEST HE CAN.
>> MONICA, MONICA, look at this lamp. Is
this tacky or what? We have to have
this.
>> Rach, I think we have enough regular
lamps.
>> What? Oh, come on. I mean, it's it's not
like it's not like I'm asking for this
girly clock or anything, which by the
way, I also think is really cool.
It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
>> Well, what about my stuff?
>> You don't have any stuff.
>> [laughter]
>> You still think of it as your apartment,
don't you?
Mhm,
no. Yes, you do.
You think of it as your apartment and
I'm just someone who rents a room.
Mhm,
okay, while you mhm on that for a while,
I'm going to go find a place for my new
lamp.
>> [music]
>> Hey, Rach.
>> Yeah.
>> You know what we haven't played in a
while?
>> What?
>> Hide the lamp.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, Monica, let it go.
>> Did you know I was allergic to
shellfish?
>> Well, then you'll just have to eat the
other lamps.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, all right. It was an accident, I
swear. All right, I I was I WAS PUTTING
ON MY JACKET and and the thing and and
the and the lamp and it and it broke.
>> Oh, please, Monica, you've always hated
my lamp.
AND NOW,
ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT'S JUST MAGICALLY
it's just broken?
>> Phoebe, tell her.
>> Okay, I didn't see it cuz I was putting
on my jacket, but I want to believe you.
>> [laughter]
>> Hey, Chandler.
>> Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
>> [laughter]
>> Neat.
I'm going to die alone.
>> Okay, you win.
>> Oh, what you got there?
>> Something else that's not yours that you
can break?
>> No, um
I know you like this and I I want you to
have it.
I think it'll look good in our
apartment.
>> Thank you.
>> Hey, new wallet, huh?
>> Oh, yeah, it was time. The old condom
ring in the leather just doesn't say
cool anymore, you know.
>> Rachel,
you just put an empty carton back in the
fridge.
>> Oh, yeah, I know, but the garbage was
full.
>> [laughter]
>> Have you ever taken out the trash?
>> Well, I thought you liked doing it.
>> [laughter]
>> Third door on the left.
>> Right.
>> Oh, hey, Mr. Treeger.
>> Yeah.
>> [laughter]
>> What are you doing?
>> Um
Oh. Oh.
I'm sorry. It's a little old, but
Look. [laughter]
>> You're clogging up the chute I just
spent a half hour unclogging.
>> I'm sorry. I didn't I don't come in here
a lot, so
>> Uh-huh. Yeah, of course you don't. Cuz
you're a little princess.
Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a
candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of
Cats sing happy birthday to me.
>> [laughter]
>> What, you think YOU CAN JUST COME IN
HERE, make a mess, a big man in the
coveralls will come and clean it up,
huh?
Well, why don't you think of someone
else for a change?
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, I'm sorry.
>> God, you're going to cry about it?
Is that my sweater or a handbag
marinara?
>> [laughter]
>> You don't have the guts.
>> Oh, yeah? Well, at least I wasn't too
chicken to tell some guy I thought HE
WAS CUTE.
OW!
OH, ALL RIGHT. STOP!
STOP THE
MADNESS!
>> [laughter]
>> THIS IS CRAZY.
WHO CAN EVEN REMEMBER why you started
fighting in the first place?
>> SHE KNEW THAT I LIKED HIM. SHE WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE IT IF I
>> YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT STILL, I
LOOK AT YOUR PURSE.
Look at your sweater.
Look at yourselves.
I'll help you fix your sweater.
I'll help you
throw out your purse.
I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing
him.
>> Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when
I knew you liked him.
>> I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.
>> All right, Monica, if there is something
that you would like to share
>> had no right to go out with him.
>> That is the most ridiculous
>> me out!
>> I DID NOT SELL YOU OUT!
>> Absolutely sold me out! Let me talk!
>> Did you just flick me?
Okay, well, you wouldn't let me finish
and I was just
Ow! THAT HURT!
>> [laughter]
>> QUICK! FLICKING!
>> OW! YOU
>> FLICKING! You flicked me first!
>> Ow!
Ow!
>> STOP!
>> OW!
>> STOP!
>> YOU KNOW, LET'S NOT DO THIS. LET'S
>> OW!
OW!
OW!
OW!
OW!
OW!
OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS.
>> [screaming]
>> ALL RIGHT. NOW, I WILL LET GO IF you
both stop.
WHAT DO YOU YOU WANT me to stop seeing
him? Is that what you want?
>> Uh-huh.
>> You want me to just call him up and tell
HIM THAT YOU'RE SEEING HIM INSTEAD. IS
THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
>> OKAY.
>> [laughter]
>> OH, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
>> YES.
>> FINE.
FINE.
>> There we go.
>> You know what? If we were in prison, you
guys would be LIKE MY
>> HEY, RACH, COME ON. WE'RE GOING TO BE
LATE FOR THE EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT.
>> All right. Let's get this over with.
UGH.
OH, NO.
LOOK WHAT I DID.
>> [laughter]
>> I MEAN, look at this mess. I mean, we're
going to probably have to clean this up,
you know? I mean, we're going to have to
reschedule.
>> [laughter]
>> If you thought that this mess was going
to bother me, you are wrong. All right,
let's go, Blinky.
>> [laughter]
>> Kill her.
>> Oh my god. [music]
What does that thing do?
>> Mhm.
>> Uh, that's an eye removal machine.
>> All right, I'm out of here.
>> I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Uh-oh.
>> Hi, Rachel.
>> Hey.
>> I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were
a little nervous, but don't worry,
everything's going to be just fine.
>> So, we're done then?
>> Almost, but first we got to start.
>> Okay.
>> This is the glaucoma test.
>> Uh-huh.
>> Sit down.
>> Okay.
>> Put your chin here.
>> Mhm.
>> Now,
you're going to feel a small puff of air
in each eye.
>> A what what?
A small puff of air. Now, come on.
>> [laughter]
>> Here we go.
>> All right.
>> 1 2 3
>> Okay.
I'm sorry. All right. I'm going to stay
in here this time.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay.
>> Ready?
>> Mhm.
>> 1 2
>> I'm sorry.
You know what? I'm going to hold her
head.
>> Okay.
>> [laughter]
>> That's okay.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
Okay.
>> 1
>> Mhm.
>> 2
>> I'm sorry.
>> You know what? You're young. You
probably don't HAVE GLAUCOMA.
>> OH.
>> [laughter]
>> OKAY. SO, IT'S VERY VERY NICE TO MEET
YOU, SIR. AND I'M OW! HEY! WHAT are you
Are you crazy?
>> Okay. You have a small minor infection
in that left eye. I want you to take
these drops three times a day for a
week, and you'll be as good as new.
>> Yeah, no. I I don't I don't put things
in my eye.
>> Okay, then. I guess we'll see you back
here in 3 months.
>> Great.
>> And I'll fit you for a glass eye.
>> Okay. Just give me the damn drops.
>> [laughter]
>> Dr. Miller?
P E C F D
>> [laughter]
>> Very good, Monica.
Do you know where they are?
>> I sure do.
>> [laughter]
>> And you know
>> Good one.
Okay.
>> [snorts]
[laughter]
>> Not even close. Okay. Well, then you
know what? Help me. I need help. I can't
do this. All right. Come on. Let's do
it.
Come on.
>> All right. Sit down.
>> All right.
>> All right. Put your head back.
>> Yes.
>> All right.
>> Okay.
Now, open your eyes.
>> Okay. They are.
>> [laughter]
>> How many fingers am I holding up?
>> Four.
>> Oh my god, I was thinking four.
>> Really?
>> Yes.
>> [laughter]
>> All right, you know what? Why don't we
start with a practice one, okay?
>> Okay.
>> No drugs.
>> Great.
>> Okay.
>> Okay.
>> On three, one, two, three.
>> My pillow's all wet.
>> Well, well, you said it was practice.
>> Then why did you move?
>> Because I knew you were lying.
>> [laughter]
>> ALL RIGHT, COME HERE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> WHAT MONICA, stop it.
OH MY GOD, STOP IT.
>> I AM
GOING I'M GOING TO TURN IT OVER. I AM
GOING TO GET
>> HEY.
>> Get these SOCKS IN YOUR EYES.
>> OH MY GOD, you really ARE FREAKISHLY
STRONG.
>> [laughter]
>> OH MY GOD.
>> MONICA, STOP IT.
>> DAMN IT, CINDY.
>> WELL, [laughter]
YOU KNOW, IF JOEY AND CHANDLER WALKED IN
RIGHT NOW, we could make a fortune.
>> Can you pass me the TV Guide?
>> YEAH.
>> GO.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> OH MY GOD, HOLD IT OPEN.
>> OKAY.
>> [cheering and applause]
>> WE'LL SEE YOU IN ABOUT THREE OR FOUR
HOURS.
>> TA-DA.
>> Are we greeting each other this way now?
Because I LIKE THAT.
>> LOOK,
I CLEANED. I did the windows, I did the
floors. I've even used all those
attachments on the vacuum, except for
that little round one with the bristles.
I don't know what that's for.
>> Oh yeah, nobody knows, and we're not
supposed to ask.
>> So, what do you think?
>> Very clean.
>> Really, really, it looks great.
>> Oh.
I I I see you moved the green ottoman.
>> [laughter]
>> How did that happen?
>> I don't know. I thought it looked better
there.
And I And also it's an extra seat on the
coffee table.
>> Yeah, it's interesting.
>> [laughter]
>> But you know what? Just for fun, let's
see what it looked like in the old spot.
>> [laughter]
>> Just to compare.
See. Ha! Well, it looks good there, too.
>> Let's just leave it there for a while.
>> [laughter]
>> Can't believe you tried to move the
green ottoman.
>> Thank god you didn't try to fan out the
magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your
eyes right out.
>> GUYS, I AM NOT that bad.
>> Yeah, you are, Monica.
Remember if I lived with you? You were
like a little, YOU KNOW,
>> [laughter]
>> THAT IS SO UNFAIR.
>> OH, COME ON. When we were kids, yours
was the only Raggedy Ann doll that
wasn't raggedy.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, so I'm responsible. I'm organized.
But hey, I can be a kook.
>> [laughter]
>> All right, you madcap gal.
Try to imagine this. The phone bill
arrives, but you don't pay it right
away.
>> Why not?
>> Because you're a kook.
>> [laughter]
>> INSTEAD, YOU WAIT UNTIL THEY SEND you a
notice.
>> I could do that. Okay. Okay. Then you
let me go grocery shopping, and I buy
laundry detergent, but it's not the one
with the easy pour spout.
>> Why would SOMEONE DO THAT?
>> [laughter]
>> ONE MIGHT WONDER.
>> SOMEONE'S LEFT A glass on the coffee
table. There's no coaster. It's a cold
drink. It's a hot day.
Little beads of condensation are inching
their way closer and closer to the
surface of the wood.
>> STOP IT!
>> [laughter]
>> OH MY GOD.
IT'S TRUE. WHO am I?
>> Monica.
You're mom.
>> [music]
>> I GOT TO BED GUYS.
>> NIGHT.
>> NIGHT MONICA.
>> Uh mom, you you're going to leave your
shoes out here?
Uh-huh.
>> [laughter]
>> Really? Just just casually strewn about
in
that reckless haphazard manner?
>> [laughter]
>> Doesn't matter.
I'll get them tomorrow or not.
Whenever.
>> She is a cook.
>> [laughter]
>> If it bothers you that much, just go out
and get the shoes.
No, don't do this.
This is stupid. I don't have to prove
anything. I'm going to go get them.
But then everyone will know.
>> [laughter]
>> Unless I get them and then wake up
really early and put them back.
I need help.
>> Sorry Pheebs, I guess I'm just really
sad that I'm leaving. I'm going to miss
you so much.
>> Well,
this doesn't have to be so sad though,
you know? Maybe instead of just thinking
about how much you're going to miss each
other, you should like think about some
of the things that you're not going to
miss.
>> [laughter]
>> I don't think there's anything.
>> Come on, there's got to be something.
>> No.
She's perfect.
>> I have one.
>> Great, okay, you can go first.
>> Uh well, I guess I'm not going to miss
the fact that you're never allowed to
move the phone pin.
>> [laughter]
>> Good, that's a good one. Okay, Monica,
anything? You know, does Rachel move the
phone pin?
>> [laughter]
>> Uh, sometimes.
>> Always, actually.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, there you go. Does everyone feel
better?
>> Not just the phone pin.
I never get my messages.
>> You get your messages?
>> Yeah, well, I don't think it really
counts if you have to read them off the
back of your hand after you fall asleep
on the couch.
>> So, so you missed a message from who?
Chandler?
Or your mom?
>> [laughter]
>> Or Chandler?
Or your mom?
>> [laughter]
>> 30 seconds on the clock. Five correct
questions wins the day. The lightning
round begins
>> Now, what is Joey's favorite food?
>> Sandwiches.
>> Correct.
Chandler was how old when he first
touched a girl's breast?
>> 14?
>> No, 19.
>> Thanks, man.
>> [laughter]
>> Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
His name was
>> Maurice.
>> Correct. His profession WAS
>> OH, SPACE COWBOY.
>> CORRECT.
WHAT IS CHANDLER BING'S JOB?
>> [laughter]
>> OH GOSH, does it have something to do
with numbers and processing?
He carries a briefcase.
>> 10 seconds, you need this or you lose
THE GAME.
>> OH, IT'S UM IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH
TRANSPONDERS.
>> OH, OH, he's a transponster!
TRANSPONSTER!
>> [laughter]
>> THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!
I CAN GET THIS. I CAN GET THIS.
OH MY
>> I'M GOING TO THE ROOF. WHO'S WITH ME?
>> NO, I can't. I got to go.
>> Come on, an 80-ft inflatable dog loose
over the city? How often does that
happen?
>> Almost never.
>> [laughter]
>> Got the keys?
>> Oh, okay.
I saw the giant dog shadow fall over the
park.
>> Yeah, but did they have to shoot him
down? I mean, that was just mean.
>> Okay.
Right about now, the turkey should be
crispy on the outside, juicy on the
inside.
Why are we standing here?
>> We're waiting for you to open the door.
You've got the keys.
>> No, I don't.
>> [laughter]
>> Yes, you do. When we left, you said,
"Got the keys?"
>> No, I didn't. I asked, "Got the keys?"
>> No, no, no. You said, "Got the keys."
>> Either of you have the keys?
>> [laughter]
>> The oven is on.
>> Oh, I've got to get my ticket.
>> Well, wait, wait. We have a copy of your
key.
>> WELL, THEN GET IT. GET IT.
>> HEY, HEY. THAT TONE won't make me go any
faster.
>> Joey?
>> That one will.
>> I swear you said you had THE KEYS.
>> NO, I DIDN'T. I WOULDN'T SAY I HAD the
keys unless I had the keys, AND I
OBVIOUSLY DID NOT HAVE THE KEYS.
>> OH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT, that's it. Enough
with the keys. No one say keys.
Why would I have the keys?
>> [laughter]
>> Aside from the fact that you said you
had them?
>> But I didn't.
>> WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE.
>> WHY?
>> BECAUSE
>> WHY?
>> BECAUSE
>> WHY?
>> BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS MY RESPONSIBILITY.
Isn't it Isn't it enough that I'm making
Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? YOU
KNOW, EVERYONE WANTS A DIFFERENT KIND OF
POTATO. SO, I'M MAKING DIFFERENT KINDS
OF POTATOES. YOU KNOW, DOES ANYBODY CARE
WHAT KIND of potatoes I WANT? NO.
NO.
NO.
YOU KNOW, JUST AS LONG AS PHOEBE GETS
HER PEAS AND ONIONS, AND MARIO GETS HIS
TOTS, AND
GET
MY FIRST THANKSGIVING, AND I
IT'S ALL
BURNT, AND
>> [laughter]
>> HEY, MONICA. ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR YOU NOW.
[laughter]
LOOK, the door's open. Here we go.
>> Oh, god.
>> Well,
turkey's burnt.
Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are
ruined. POTATOES ARE RUINED.
>> [laughter]
>> THIS DOESN'T smell like mom's.
>> No, it doesn't, does it? BUT YOU WANTED
LOBSTER ROSS. WELL, HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
YOU GOT ONE.
>> [laughter]
>> OH
GOD, THIS IS GREAT. THE PLANE IS GONE,
so I guess I'm stuck here with you guys.
>> Hey, we all had better plans, okay? This
was nobody's first choice.
>> Oh, really? So, WHY WAS I BUSTING MY ASS
TO MAKE THIS DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING
DINNER?
>> [laughter]
>> NOW, THIS FEELS like Thanksgiving.
Okay, who wants light cheese and who
wants dark cheese?
Who would even want to know about the
dark cheese?
>> [laughter]
>> Does anybody want to split this with me?
>> No, I will.
>> Mm, you guys have to make a wish.
>> Make a wish?
>> Come on, YOU KNOW, THANKSGIVING.
>> [laughter]
>> WOOHOO! YOU GOT THE BIGGER HALF. What
did you wish for?
>> The bigger half.
>> Oh, hi.
Hi.
Richard just told me he loved me.
>> Oh my god.
>> I know.
>> Honey, that's great.
>> I know.
I just can't find
>> in the top drawer.
You need one, too?
>> Oh, yeah.
>> There's only one.
>> Monica.
>> Hi.
Uh we'll be right there. We just um
we're trying to decide something.
>> Rachel.
>> [cheering]
[applause]
[laughter]
>> Hey.
>> Hey.
They're just trying to decide something.
>> Oh, good. Good. Good.
>> [laughter]
>> So, is um was your mustache did did it
used to be different?
>> No.
>> Oh.
How do you uh you know, keep it so neat?
>> [laughter]
>> I have a little comb.
>> Oh.
And what do you call that?
>> A mustache.
>> Thank you.
>> Okay. I I will do your laundry for 1
month.
>> No.
>> Okay. OKAY. OKAY. I WILL I WILL I will I
Hey, I will clean the apartment for 2
months.
>> All right. I'll tell you what. I'll give
this to you now if you can tell me where
we keep the dustpan.
>> So, were you in 'Nam?
>> [laughter]
>> Rock, paper, scissors?
1 2 3 YES!
>> FINE.
GO HAVE SEX.
>> NO! YOU HAVE GOT IT completely wrong.
Jon Savage was Deer Hunter, no legs. Jon
Voight was Coming Home, couldn't feel
his legs.
>> No. No. No way. You've got it totally
the other way around, my friend. Jon
Voight was what? What? Oh, uh
>> [laughter]
>> Shall we?
>> It's not going to happen.
They're doing it tonight. We can do it
tomorrow.
>> Hey.
>> Hey, check it out. This is unbelievable.
Joey has been holding his breath for
ALMOST 4 MINUTES.
>> [laughter]
>> DUDE, IS HE TRYING TO KILL ME?
>> PHOEBE, I want to ask you something.
>> Uh-huh, what?
>> Um well, since I'm moving out and and
you're so beautiful,
>> Uh-huh.
>> um
how would I move in with you?
>> Well, that would be great, but then what
do we do about Denise?
>> [laughter]
>> Who's Denise?
>> My roommate.
>> You have a roommate?
>> Yes, Denise. Denise.
>> [laughter]
>> Hey, what is with the secrecy, Phoebe?
Huh? And what about this Denise? She
cute?
>> Phoebe, I don't understand. How can you
have a roommate that none of us know
about?
>> Maybe because you never listen to
anything that I say. I TALK ABOUT HER
ALL THE TIME. DENISE!
>> HEY, GRACE, LISTEN. I WAS THINKING UH
I'M GOING TO HAVE AN EXTRA room over at
my place.
>> Oh, that's true.
>> Yeah, why don't you move in with me?
It'll be great. We get like stay up late
talking and watch movies and you know
about naked Thursdays, right?
>> Yeah, yeah, I think I'm going to find my
own place.
>> Hey, hey.
>> I thought naked Thursdays was just our
thing, man.