– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Hey guys, take a look at this. Check

this baby out. Dug me a hole. [laughter]

>> Excellent hole, Joe.

>> Oh, no. No. My hole.

>> What? What? What is it?

>> JELLYFISH STING. OW. It hurts. It hurts.

It hurts.

>> Can we help? You want us to TAKE YOU

BACK TO THE HOUSE?

>> OH, it's like two miles.

>> Yeah. And I'm a little tired from

digging the hole.

>> Oh, damn. The jellyfish. Damn all the

jellyfish.

>> I got to do something.

>> Well, there's really only one thing you

can do.

>> What? What is it?

>> You're going to have to pee on it.

>> What?

Rose,

>> don't blame me. I saw it on the

Discovery Channel.

>> You know what? He's right. There's

something like uh ammonia in that that

kills the pain.

>> Well, forget it. It doesn't hurt that

bad.

>> If you want some privacy, you can use my

home.

All right.

>> No, Joey. We swear we'd never tell.

>> They'll never understand. [laughter]

>> We have to say something. We have to get

it out. It's eating me alive.

>> Monica got stung by a jellyfish.

>> All right.

>> All right.

[laughter]

I got stung.

Stung bad. [laughter]

I couldn't stand. I I couldn't walk.

>> We were two miles from the house.

[laughter]

We were scared and alone.

We didn't think we could make it.

[laughter]

>> I was in too much pain. And I was tired

from digging the huge hole. [laughter]

And then Joey remembered something.

>> I'd seen this thing on the Discovery

Channel.

>> Wait a minute. I saw that on the

Discovery Channel. Yeah. about jellyfish

and how if you

>> Ew,

you peed on yourself.

>> Ew.

You can't say that. You You don't know.

I thought I was going to pass out from

the pain. Anyway, I I tried, but I I

couldn't been that way.

So, [laughter]

That's right. I stepped up.

>> She's my friend and she needed help.

If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.

[laughter]

[applause]

Only uh I couldn't.

[laughter]

I got the stage fright.

I wanted to help, but there was just too

much pressure. So, so I uh I turned to

Chandler.

>> I mean, my mom never thought this would

work out.

She was all once a cheater, always a

cheater. [laughter]

>> Mhm.

>> Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost those

four months.

But if time was what you needed just to

gain a little perspective,

We were on a break.

>> Coffee house bet.

>> And for the record, it took two people

to break up this relationship.

>> Yeah. You and that girl from the copy

place, which yesterday you took full

responsibility for.

>> I didn't know what I was taking

responsibility for. Okay. I didn't

finish the whole letter.

>> What?

>> I fell asleep.

>> You fell asleep? [laughter]

It was 5:30 in the morning and you had

rambled on for 18 pages,

[laughter]

front and back.

Oh, and by the way, y apostrophe r e

means you are. Y r MEANS YOUR.

>> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN THOUGHT

of getting back together with you. We

are so over.

Fine by me.

>> Oh. Oh, AND HEY, HEY, HEY. THOSE LITTLE

SPELLING TIPS WILL COME IN HANDY when

you're at home on SATURDAY NIGHTS

PLAYING SCRABBLE WITH MONICA.

>> HEY,

>> SORRY.

[laughter]

>> I just feel bad about all that sleep

you're going to miss. Wishing you were

with me.

>> Oh, no. No. Don't you worry about me

falling asleep. I STILL HAVE YOUR

LETTER.

>> WOW, that ripped.

That ripped real nice.

>> How many times do I have to tell you?

You turn and slide. You know, turn and

slide.

>> You don't turn and slide. You throw it

out.

I'm tired of having to get a tetanis

shot every time I get dressed.

>> Well, we're not throwing it out. I built

this thing with my own hands.

>> All right. How about we How about we

sell it?

>> All right. But you're going to have to

tell them.

>> You mind if we stick you in a different

cabinet? They seem ALL RIGHT WITH IT.

>> THIS is the unit for you, my friend.

Sturdy construction, tons of storage

compartments, some big enough to fit a

grown man. [laughter]

What? Oh, yeah. I got in there myself

once. My roommate bet me five bucks that

I couldn't. And then he stuck a board

through the handles and locked me in.

It was funny till I started feeling like

I was in a coffin.

>> No, you you can't fit in that thing.

That's not deep enough.

>> Oh, yeah.

If I can't,

I'll knock five bucks off the price of

the unit.

>> All right, you have yourself a deal.

>> Okay. [laughter]

See, I told you.

Sometimes I come in here just to get

away from it. [laughter]

>> Hey, a nickel.

[laughter]

>> Oh my god. [laughter]

>> What

are you all right?

>> Yeah.

What happened?

>> Oh man, he promised he wouldn't take the

chairs.

What the hell happened? HOW ARE YOU

LOCKED IN THERE? WHERE THE HELL'S ALL OF

OUR STUFF? [laughter]

>> WELL, THIS GUY came by to look at the

unit and and he said he didn't think it

was big enough to fit a grown man.

So, you got involuntarily? I was trying

to make a sale.

>> Oh, man. If I ever run into that guy

again, you know what I'm going TO DO?

>> BEND OVER.

WOW, THEY REALLY got you guys. Your TV,

the chairs.

>> Yeah, your microwave, the stereo.

>> Oh man, he took the five of spades.

[laughter]

Oh, no. No. Here it is.

[cheering]

>> Oh my god. What happened?

>> Oh. Um, Joey was born and then 28 years

later I was robbed. [laughter]

>> Oh. Uh, you know, I got an extra futon.

Dude, you don't have to brag. We got

nothing here. [laughter]

>> And wrap up all of your Christmas gifts.

>> No.

>> I uh Oh, I'll squeeze you fresh orange

juice every morning

>> with extra pulp.

>> Yeah.

>> No,

[laughter]

I got it.

>> You don't have it.

>> I so got it. There's going to be rumors

about this. There's no way to stop it.

Sophie knows. Monica and Phoebe know.

>> How do Monica and Phoebe know?

>> Oh, I called them.

>> And when they ask me what I saw, I can

be very generous

or very stingy.

>> Go on.

>> I can make you a legend.

I can make you this generation's Milton

Burl. [laughter]

And Milton Burl has

>> No, not compared to you.

>> Hello.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hello, Chandler. [laughter]

>> I love you.

>> Hey, what's going on?

>> Oh,

>> no, he doesn't.

[laughter]

Two hours that lasted.

>> Hi guys, this is Josh. Josh, these are

my friends. That's Ross.

>> Hey Josh.

>> Hi

>> dudes.

>> So did you play in college?

>> Oh, I still do. Next year I hope to make

varsity though.

>> Ross, didn't you play uh soccer in high

school? Oh, no, wait, that's right. You

just organized their game schedules on

your Commodore 64.

>> Well, it's getting late. I got to get to

the game. So, I'm going to head.

>> Okay.

>> I'll miss you.

>> Dope.

>> Wow. Cute wood.

>> Very cute.

>> I know. Isn't he great? So nice to

finally be in a fun relationship. You

know, there's nothing boring about him.

And uh bet he's never even set foot in a

museum.

>> Well, maybe he'll get to go soon. You

know, like on a class trip or something.

>> You know what else is really great about

him? Oh, what is the word for an adult

who doesn't have dinosaur toys in their

bedroom?

>> Um,

>> what was that?

>> Monica knows. It's this dumb thing that

Ross made up to try to fool our parents.

It's a way of giving the finger without

actually having to give it.

>> I remember I cried the night you made

that up. This is the first time I

realized I was cooler than my big

brother. [laughter]

Well, I'm going to go get ready

for my date tonight. So, uh I'll just

head

You guys have any wrapping paper?

>> Oh, is it for my birthday present?

>> Fees, it was your birthday like months

ago.

>> Yeah, but remember you said you ordered

something special and it just hadn't

come yet.

[laughter]

>> Well, I have a call in about that.

>> Okay.

>> Actually, this is for uh Kathy's

birthday. It's an early edition of her

favorite book.

>> Oh, the Velvetine Rabbit. Oh my god.

When the boy's love makes the rabbit

real.

>> Okay, but don't touch it because your

fingers have destructive oils.

>> Well, then you better keep it away from

Ross' hair. [laughter]

>> So, this is pretty rare. How did you get

that?

>> Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to

a couple of bookstores, talked to a

couple of dealers, called a couple of

the author's grandchildren.

>> Money, that's so sweet.

>> Yeah. And what a great way to say I

secretly love you, roommates's

girlfriend.

It doesn't say that,

>> does it?

>> How do you think it's going to look when

you get her something incredibly

meaningful and expensive and her

boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?

>> I did it. I finished it. I did it all by

myself. And there's nobody to hug.

>> Hey. Hey you guys, I finished the

crossroad all by myself. Hug me.

>> Yay.

>> Congratulations.

>> Thank you.

>> Hey, how'd the catering go?

>> Oh, it was great. The widow wouldn't

pay, so Phoebe yelled at her till she

did.

>> Yeah, I'm a hard ass. [laughter]

>> And I'm a wuss

and we should be partners.

>> Yeah, hard ass and wuss. We can fight

crime.

Wait a minute, Phoebe.

We should be partners. We should be

catering partners. I mean, think about

it. You're not working right now and we

have such a great time together.

>> Okay. I can cook and you can take care

of the money.

>> Yeah. Oh, it'll be like I have a WIFE IN

THE 50S.

>> UM, you should you should think of um my

work as wordless sound poems.

>> That's what I'm

>> Oh my god. late. [laughter]

[music]

[laughter]

[laughter]

He

>> [laughter]

[applause]

>> Boy, that that was

terrific.

[laughter]

Really

bitching.

>> Wow. It was so wound.

>> Really? I mean, really?

>> Yeah. I mean, you should play in public.

>> Oh, thanks you guys. That's Oh, I want

to I want to play you another piece. Um

Oh, I left my uh helicopter sounds on

another disc. I'll be right back. Okay.

[laughter]

>> Electrifying

infinite time.

You know, there's a Starbucks about

three blocks down. [laughter]

He's

>> so inspired. Look at him. Look at him

go.

[laughter]

>> [applause]

>> Thank you.

>> Hey, aren't you up next?

>> Oh, no. I'm not playing tonight. Why

not? [laughter]

I can't follow Ross.

Karen, that would be like those poor

bicycle riding chips who had to follow

the Beatles. Who? [laughter]

Oh my god, he's lost it. [music] He's

totally lost it.

[laughter]

>> What?

This is music that cannot get any worse.

There are rats in the basement that are

hanging themselves.

>> Thank you. Thanks.

Yeah, I lost it.

>> You know what? I'm not going to play

anymore. Would you

>> can you finish my set

>> after that? Yeah. [laughter]

>> No. I mean, if I can help.

>> Yeah. Like I could lose it.

What?

>> I played bad on purpose, guys.

[laughter]

>> Okay, so you were trying to play bad

this whole time.

>> Yeah. No, just that last song here for

Thanksgiving.

>> I know. It's sick. Why is it sick?

Because it's Richard's son. It's like

inviting a Greek tragedy over for

dinner. [laughter]

>> Hey, come on, Pete. You understand,

don't you?

>> Yeah, I could see where I'd be your best

shot, but no.

Sorry, honey. I think it's twisted.

>> Yeah.

>> What's twisted?

>> Me going out with Richard's son.

>> Ew.

>> Ew. Ew. Ew.

>> Sounds like a really bad idea to me.

>> Is he okay in there?

>> He's fine.

>> Hey, you know, man, if things work out

between you and Richard's son, you'll be

able to tell your kids that you slept

with their grandfather.

Fine, judge all you want to, but married

a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell

in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a

girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a

box,

>> oh, he he can't talk right now.

[laughter]

>> Why not? What's going on?

>> Well, he's he's trying to show Joey how

much he means to him

>> by being in a box.

>> Joey had reasons.

>> They were three-fold.

Oh, well, uh,

you not being able to talk might

actually make this easier.

Listen, um,

[laughter]

listen,

I don't want to be someone who comes

between two best friends.

I just I can't stand seeing what this is

doing to you guys and I don't want to be

the cause of that. So,

I don't think we can see each other

anymore.

I'm going to go to my mom's in Chicago.

I'm going to stay there for a while.

I think this could have been something

really amazing.

But, you know, this is probably for the

best.

You know,

I'm going to miss you.

Goodbye, Chandler.

>> [laughter]

>> Open the box.

>> My little brother's married.

>> Guys, why didn't you tell me you were

alope?

>> Cuz it just sort of happened. You know,

we were at the courthouse. We having

lunch.

>> Wait, wait. Why are we at the

courthouse?

>> We were having lunch. [laughter]

>> Yeah. And then all of a sudden, we were

like, "Hey, you know, we're here. We're

having lunch. Let's get married." Right.

>> [laughter]

>> A year and a half ago, I didn't even

know I had a brother. Now I have a

sister, too. [laughter]

>> Oh, it's so great. Oh,

>> okay.

Okay. [laughter]

Stop it. Don't.

>> So, I'm going to get you a gift now. Is

there anything you need?

>> Uh, yeah.

We've been trying to get pregnant uh

pretty much ever since we got engaged.

Thought thought we'd get a jump on

things, you know. No one's getting any

younger [laughter]

>> because the thing is we um we're not

able to, you know, uh conceive, you

know,

>> and we've tried everything. We've seen a

bunch of doctors.

>> Yeah. And they and they say that that

our only chance to have a baby is that

if they take my sperm, her egg, and put

it together in a dish and then put it

into another girl. So, we were wondering

if you could be the girl that we could

put it into.

[laughter]

>> That's a really nice gift.

>> Did you do it?

>> Yes. Yes, we had the sex.

>> Uh-oh. It was bad.

>> It was fine, you know, but she didn't

agree with me as strongly as she agreed

with Joey.

She was more like, "Uh, I see your

point. I'm all right with it."

It was the first time. You know, there's

not always a lot of agreement the first

time.

>> Yeah. Not for girls anyway. Guys agree

like that. [laughter]

>> Look, you have to help me, okay? I mean,

I know what to do with a woman, you

know? I know where everything goes. It's

always nice. But I need to know what

makes it go from nice to my god,

somebody's killing her in there.

>> All right, I'm going to show you

something a lot of guys don't know. Ra

me that pad, please.

>> All right.

[clears throat] Now,

>> well, you don't have to draw an actual

Whoa, she's hot.

>> Now, everybody knows the basic arogynous

zones. You got one, two, three, four,

five, six, and seven.

>> There are seven. [laughter]

>> Let me see that.

Oh, yeah.

[laughter]

>> That's one

>> kind of an important one. [laughter]

>> Oh, you know, you know what? I was

looking at it upside down.

>> Well, you know, sometimes that helps.

[laughter]

[applause]

>> Okay. Now, most guys will hit uh one,

two, three, and then go to seven and set

up camp.

That That's bad.

>> Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't

spend the whole day on the matter horn.

>> Well, you might if we're anything like

seven.

>> All right. Uh, the important thing is to

take your time. You want to hit them all

and you want to mix them up. You got to

keep them on their toes.

>> Toe toes.

[laughter]

>> Yeah. For some people. [laughter]

All right. [clears throat] You could uh

start out with a a little one, a two, a

one, two, three, a three,

a five,

a four, a three, two, two, a two, four,

six, two, four, six, four, two, two,

four, seven, [laughter]

five, seven, six, seven, seven,

Seven.

Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven.

Seven. SEVEN.

>> GENTLEMEN, you're up first.

>> Okay. Okay. You have 30 seconds.

The lightning round begins. Stop it.

[laughter]

>> Now, what was Monica's nickname when she

was a field hockey goalie?

>> BIG FAT GOALIE.

>> CORRECT. [laughter]

RACHEL CLAIMS this is her favorite

movie.

>> Dangerous leaison.

>> Correct. Her actual favorite movie is

>> Weekend of Bernie.

>> Correct.

[laughter]

>> In what part of her body did Monica get

a pencil stuck at age 14?

>> Who?

Ew. No, [laughter]

>> her ear.

All right. Monica categorizes her

towels. How many categories are there?

>> Everyday use. Fancy

>> guest. Fancy guest.

>> Two seconds.

>> 11.

>> 11. Unbelievable. 11 is correct.

>> All right, that's four for the guys.

LADIES, YOU'RE UP.

>> ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

[laughter]

>> 30 seconds on the clock. Five correct

questions wins the game. The lightning

round begins now. What is Joey's

favorite food?

>> Sandwiches.

>> Correct.

>> Chandler was how old when he first

touched a girl's breast?

>> 14.

>> No, 19.

>> Thanks, man. [laughter]

>> Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.

His name was

>> Maurice.

>> Correct. His profession was

>> Space Cowboy.

>> Correct.

[laughter]

>> What is Chandler Bing's job?

Oh gosh. This has something to do with

numbers and processing. Well, it carries

a briefcase.

>> 10 seconds. You need this or YOU LOSE

THE GAME.

>> IT'S UM IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH

TRANSPONDING. OH. OH. OH. He's a trans

trans monster.

[laughter]

>> That's not even a word.

I can get this. I can get this.

>> [applause]

[laughter]

>> Can't find garbage bags.

>> Oh, well, I think I saw some in here.

[screaming]

[laughter]

>> What is it?

>> I don't know, but maybe if we keep that

drawer shut, it'll die.

>> We're living here.

[laughter]

What? What? What is it?

>> Did you see THE SIZE OF THE CLOSETS?

[laughter]

>> I can't believe we live here.

>> Okay, it's ready.

Come on.

>> What's ready?

>> Just come.

>> Oh my god.

Wow.

>> Hey, beautiful. [gasps]

>> Oh, did you what did you work for two

days straight?

>> Pretty much. [laughter]

>> What What do you think of the floor?

>> I don't know. It looks the same.

>> You used to have carpet.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> So, I I made snacks.

>> Please just hang out. Okay. I'm I'm just

going to rest my eyes for just a little

bit.

>> Come on. Do you want us to uh come back

later?

>> Oh, no, no, no. Stay, stay, stay. Just

keep talking.

I am always the hostess.

>> I'm just getting out of a very serious

relationship.

>> I know. And I'm just getting out of a

marriage. I mean, talk about meant to

be,

>> right? But I just think this is

happening too soon.

>> Oh, too soon. Too.

Face it, honey. I am not letting you get

away this time.

>> I hear you.

[laughter]

>> But unfortunately,

my company is transferring me overseas.

[laughter]

>> Oh no.

Where too?

To Paris.

>> No, no, not not Paris.

>> Oh, to London. Oh, Rome. Vienna. Oh,

Barcelona.

>> Okay. Could you just stop talking for a

second?

>> Yemen.

>> That's right. Yes, I'm being transferred

to Yemen.

>> When?

>> I don't know exactly.

>> Well, I will just have to soak up every

ounce of Chandler Bing until that moment

comes. [laughter]

>> But I do know it's sometime tomorrow.

You know, uh, you really didn't have to

help me pack.

>> Oh, well, when you said all you were

going to be doing between now and the

time you leave is packing, you really

didn't leave me much choice, did you?

>> Well, I thought I did, but I I guess I

did not.

>> Hey, what's going on?

>> Oh, I'm packing. You know, I'm packing

cuz I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.

[laughter]

>> Thanks for telling me.

I'm going to pretend moving to Yemen.

Okay. It's the only way I can get rid of

her.

>> Oh, good one.

>> And Yemen? That actually sounds like a

real country. [laughter]

>> Hey, Chandler, come on. I'm going to

show you how to roll up your underwear

and stuff it in your shoes. It's a real

space saver.

>> Yeah. No, I do that cuz it makes me look

taller. [laughter]

>> Okay, Chandler, come on.

>> Okay, Joey, trade lies with me.

>> Nope.

You know, you really didn't have to take

me to the airport.

>> Oh, please. Every moment is precious.

You know, besides, somebody had to ride

in that other taxi with the rest of your

luggage, and your friends don't seem to

care very much that you're leaving.

>> Well, we're not really that close.

Okay. So, I guess this is uh you know,

goodbye then.

>> Oh, no. No, it's not goodbye. I'm not

leaving until you get on that plane.

>> Okay. Well, I guess just wait here then.

[laughter]

>> Hi. I need a fake ticket to Yemen.

>> One ticket to Yemen.

>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just need

I just need a pretend ticket.

>> I'm sorry, sir. I don't understand.

>> Okay. What would you give to a kid if

you wanted a ticket to play with?

>> Are you traveling with a child?

[laughter]

>> No.

>> You know what? She's going to think that

I'm handing you a credit card, but what

I'm really going to do is hand you a

library card.

>> Sir, a ticket to Yemen is $2,100, and we

don't take library cards. What's the

matter? Is something wrong? Do you have

to stay? American

Express.

>> 64 to Yemen.

>> Well, I guess I got to go.

>> Oh, my bingling.

>> I'll wait for you. Do you even know how

long you're going to be gone?

>> Well, just until we find an energy

source to replace fuel.

>> Oh, well, I'll write you every day.

15 Yemen Road, Yemen.

>> Okay. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

>> Chandler.

>> Nope.

>> Chandler.

>> Janice, there you are. There you are. I

had to have one last kiss. And and also

also you said you were going TO LEAVE

RIGHT AFTER I GOT ON THE PLANE.

>> NO, NO, I want to see you take off.

>> Well, then I guess I'm going to Yemen.

I'm going to Yemen. [laughter]

>> When we get to Yemen, can I stay with

you?

>> Go first.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

Welcome to America.

>> Oh my gosh.

>> Two in a row. You got to use your

tongues now.

[laughter]

>> Emily,

>> what are the odds? What are the odds?

Okay, that that's enough, you know. Let

let's let let someone else play.

[laughter]

>> If you didn't want to play, then why'd

you come to the party?

>> Cool him. But you came to tell him you

love him. I knew it. I was right. I'm

right. Right. [laughter]

I'd really rather talk to him.

>> Do you have any idea where he is?

[laughter]

Ross, are you there?

Ross, I don't know if you can hear this,

but I'm going to talk anyway. Uh, I'm in

the States with your sister and your

friends, and it's all over with Colin.

I came here to tell you that, and to

tell you what, yes, Joey, you can have

all the chocolate you want. Just take

it.

I

>> I came here to tell you

that I love you.

>> I love you, too. I'm I'm going to call

you right now from the phone booth. You

can't hear me.

>> So, I decided I'm definitely going to go

with either Joey or Chandler.

>> Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What? You got to pick

Joey.

>> I mean, name one famous person named

Chandler.

>> Raymond Chandler. Someone you didn't

make up.

>> There are no famous Joey's except for

Joey Barafuko.

>> Yeah, that guy really hurt us.

>> Well, how about a compromise then? Okay.

What if it's, you know, Chenoi?

>> Okay, Joey. Come on, think about it.

First of all, he'll never be president.

I mean, there's never going to be a

President Joey.

[laughter]

>> All right, look, man. I don't want to

bring this up, but Chandler is the

stupidest name I ever heard in my life.

It's not even a name. It's barely even a

word. Okay? It's kind of like

chandelier, but it's not.

All right. It's a stupid stupid noname.

[laughter]

Wow. You're

you're right. I have a horrible horrible

name.

[laughter]

I'm sorry, man. I didn't I'm I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

>> So, I guess it's Joey then. I mean,

>> I am sorry about what I said.

>> Nope. Nope. You're right. It is a

ridiculous name. [laughter]

>> It's not that bad.

>> Yes, it is.

>> From now on, I have no first name.

[laughter]

>> So, you just Bing.

I have no name.

All right. So, what are we supposed to

call you?

>> Okay. Uh, for now, temporarily, you can

call me

Clint.

[laughter]

>> No way. Are you cool enough to pull off

Clint?

>> Okay. So, what name am I cool enough to

pull off?

>> Um, Jean.

>> It's Clint. It's Clint. [laughter]

>> See you later, Jean.

>> Hi, Jean.

It's clicked.

>> Clint,

>> what's up with Jean?

>> Drum roll. [laughter]

>> Okay. Okay. All right.

Help. Am I a Mark or a John? [laughter]

>> You're not tall enough to be a Mark,

but you might make a good Barney. All

right, look. I am serious. Okay,

tomorrow at 3:30, I'm going down to the

courthouse.

>> You're actually going through with this?

>> Hey, look. This name has been holding me

back my entire life, okay? It's probably

why kids picked on me in school and why

I never do well with women. So, as of

4:00 tomorrow, I'm either going to be

Mark Johnson or John Marson.

>> You've got problems because of you, not

your name. [laughter]

>> This has got to stop. Chandler is a

great name. In fact,

yes.

I'm I'm sorry. I know you really wanted

me to name the baby Joey, but So, I'm

I'm gonna I'm going to name the baby

Chandler.

[laughter]

>> Really?

>> Yeah. But you have to keep the name,

too.

>> Okay. Thanks.

>> Okay.

>> You want to hug it out?

>> Yeah.

>> Yay.

>> Yay. Oh, yay. Okay. I got to go tell

Frank and Alice right now.

Bye, Feebs.

>> Okay. Bye.

[laughter]

>> Bye.

>> Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are

going out to dinner with Ross and Emily,

and I think that's I think that's really

cool.

>> Yeah, Ra, I think you're handling that

really well.

>> Handling it? What do you mean handling

it? There's nothing to handle. You know,

maybe I would have a problem with this

if it wasn't for me and Joshua.

>> You know, they're not going to get

married anyway.

>> What?

>> Come on. They rushed into this thing so

fast, it's ridiculous. I mean, they're

going to be engaged for like what, a

year, and somewhere along the way, one

of them is going to realize what they've

done, and they're going to call the

whole thing off. I'm telling you, you're

going to be dancing at my wedding before

you're dancing at theirs.

>> Yeah. Well, I don't dance at weddings.

>> Why not?

>> Because weddings are a great place to

meet women. And when I dance, I look

like this.

>> [laughter]

>> Hey man. Hey. [laughter]

>> So, what are you guys doing four weeks

from today?

>> Nothing.

>> Nothing.

>> I am. [laughter]

>> Free.

>> Great. Because Emily and I are getting

married in a month.

>> What?

>> What?

>> Yep.

>> In a month.

>> Yeah.

>> You mean you mean 30 days? Yeah.

>> From now.

>> Yeah.

>> That's great.

>> I bet you anything he's going to call

you again.

>> Yeah, maybe. But, you know, I don't

think I even care.

I don't think he's the one I'm sad

about.

You know, I know that I said I am

totally okay with Ross getting married,

but as it turns out, I don't think I am

handling it all that well.

Yeah, maybe.

>> And and I'm just trying to figure out

why.

>> Any luck?

>> Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know how

Ross and I have always been on again,

off again, on again, off again.

I guess I just figured that somewhere

down the road we would be on again

again.

>> You know what? I think we all did.

>> Hey.

>> Hey. Hey.

>> [laughter]

>> So,

>> got us reservations for Sunday night.

Okay. How about Ernie at 9:00?

>> Yeah. Well, you uh better make it for 3.

>> Oh, see I I don't know if we're going to

be hungry at 3.

[laughter]

Three people. Joshua's not going to be

there.

>> What happened?

>> Um well, I think I think he broke up

with me.

>> No. Why?

>> Well, apparently he scares easy.

[laughter]

>> I'm I'm sorry.

>> It's okay.

>> Sometimes

things don't work out the way you

thought they would.

>> Come here.

>> Oh, hey. Don't you have to go pick up

Emily?

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> Are you okay?

>> Yeah. I got my girls.

>> Okay.

>> Hey, you know what might cheer you up?

What?

>> You know, I got to tell you, this really

does put me in a better mood. [laughter]

I wish there was a job where I could

wear this all the time.

Maybe someday there will be. [laughter]

>> Oh god, that's Chandler. He's going to

come by and borrow some candles for his

big date.

>> Oh, okay.

>> No, no, Rachel, don't get it. See us.

>> No. Yeah, the groom cannot see the

bride. You're not going to marry

Chandler. Not after this.

[laughter]

>> Okay, guys. Just relax.

>> I do.

[cheering]

>> I got to go.

It's just that now that they're in me,

it's like it's like I know them, you

know, and and

it's just not it's not going to be easy

when you know these little babies have

to go away.

>> I know, sweetie.

But it's not like you're not going to

have anything. I mean, you're going to

have nieces and nephews. In some ways,

that's even better.

>> Yeah. Okay.

>> No, really. Really, Febs? I mean, you're

not going to be the one worrying about

saving for college or yelling at them

when they're bad, you know, or deciding

to put them on rolin when they just

won't calm down,

you know? You're going to be the one

that they come to when they want to run

away from home and the one they talk to

about sex. You just get to be cool Aunt

Phoebe.

>> Cool Aunt Phoebe.

>> I am pretty cool.

>> Oh,

>> yeah. And you know what else?

>> Oh my god. Are they going to love you?

>> They are going to love me.

>> Thanks you guys

>> again.

>> Sweetie,

>> thanks.

>> Oh, what? Oh god. Just kidding.

>> What? Oh my god. Got you again. You're

so easy.

>> What do you think? Well, I'm not going

to have to buy that I'm with stupid

t-shirt anymore.

Well, I like

>> There you go.

>> All right. Look, you're not really going

to buy that, are you? Don't you think

you've embarrassed me enough for one

day?

>> Oh, I embarrass you?

>> How can I answer that when I'm

pretending I don't know you? [laughter]

>> He's just jealous. You'll fit right in.

All Londoners wear them.

>> Oh, really? Then how come no one here

anywhere is wearing one?

>> They're all tourists.

>> All right. Look, if you insist on

wearing that in public, you know, you're

going to spend the rest of the afternoon

all by yourself.

Huh?

[laughter]

>> You going to make me choose between you

and the hat?

>> I choose the hat.

>> Good choice. Thanks.

>> Okay, look. [laughter] All right, that's

it. Okay, I'm out of here. I'm not going

to be embarrassed anymore.

>> Was hammered. Okay, there's no way that

you look like Ross's mother. [laughter]

>> Then why would he say it?

>> Because he's crazy. Okay. He came up to

me earlier and thanked me for my very

moving performance in Titanic.

[laughter]

>> My mother's right. Never going to get

married.

>> You know what that is?

>> Who wouldn't want you?

>> Please. I'm a single mom with a

30-year-old son.

>> I'm getting married today. [screaming]

[laughter]

>> Morning, Ross. I'm getting married

today.

>> Yeah, you are.

>> You think you knew I was here?

[cheering]

[applause]

>> Well, I've I've never done that with you

before. [laughter]

>> Nope.

>> So, uh, how are you? How you how you you

okay? [laughter]

>> Yep. Yep. You

>> Oh, yes. Yes. Uh-huh. [laughter]

you.

>> We did you.

>> Well,

I better get going.

>> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. [laughter]

>> Could you not look?

>> I don't want to look.

>> Hello.

>> Hey, where the hell have you been? Hey,

I spent the night out. I met this cute

bridesmaid. She is so

>> I I don't want to hear about her.

>> A thieves. You know, you're still my

number one girl. [laughter]

>> No, no, we have an emergency. Okay.

Rachel's coming to London.

>> Oh, great.

>> It's not great. No, she's coming to tell

Ross that she loves him.

>> But he loves Emily.

>> I KNOW THAT. [laughter]

You have to stop her. She's going to

ruin the wedding. Okay.

>> Okay. So then I've done my part. Okay.

It's your responsibility now. The burden

is off me. Right.

>> Right.

>> So tell me about this girl. [laughter]

>> Hey, [music] have you seen Monica?

>> I'm not seeing Monica.

[laughter]

>> What?

>> What?

>> Look, we we got to find her. Phoebe just

called. Rachel's coming to tell Ross she

loves him. Oh my god.

>> I know. That's why we got to find

Monica. Do you know where she is?

>> No. Okay. What's with the third degree?

WHY DON'T YOU SHINE A LIGHT IN MY EYES?

>> FRIENDS, family are gathered to

celebrate here today. The joyous union

of Ross and Emily.

May the happiness we share with them

today be with them always. Now, Emily,

repeat after me. I Emily

>> I Emily

>> take thee Ross

>> take thee Ross

>> as my lawfully wedded husband in

sickness and in health till death parts

us.

>> as my lawfully wedded husband in

sickness and in health until death parts

us.

>> Now Ross,

repeat after me. I Ross.

>> I Ross

>> take thee Emily.

>> Take thee Rachel.

>> [cheering]

>> Emily. [applause]

[laughter]

Emily.

Shall I go on?

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
jellyfish /ˈdʒɛlifɪʃ/ B2	noun - a sea animal with a soft, jelly-like body and long tentacles that can sting
sting /stɪŋ/ B2	verb - to cause sharp physical pain
ammonia /əˈmoʊniə/ C1	noun - a colorless gas with a strong smell, used in cleaning products
responsibility /rɪˌspɒnsəˈbɪləti/ B2	noun - the state of being accountable for something
perspective /pərˈspɛktɪv/ B2	noun - a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something
sturdy /ˈstɜːrdi/ C1	adjective - strongly and solidly built
coffin /ˈkɒfɪn/ B2	noun - a box in which a dead person is buried
rumor /ˈruːmər/ B2	noun - a currently circulating story or report of uncertain truth
legend /ˈlɛdʒənd/ B2	noun - an extremely famous or notorious person
varsity /ˈvɑːrsəti/ C1	noun - the principal team representing a college or school in a sport
destructive /dɪˈstrʌktɪv/ B2	adjective - causing harm or damage
catering /ˈkeɪtərɪŋ/ B2	noun - the business of providing food service
widow /ˈwɪdoʊ/ B2	noun - a woman who has lost her husband by death
infinite /ˈɪnfɪnɪt/ C1	adjective - limitless or endless
tragedy /ˈtrædʒədi/ B2	noun - a lamentable or dreadful occurrence
conceive /kənˈsiːv/ C1	verb - to become pregnant
sperm /spɜːrm/ C1	noun - the male reproductive cell
agreement /əˈɡriːmənt/ B1	noun - harmony or accordance in opinion or feeling
transponding /trænsˈpɒndɪŋ/ C2	verb - a technical act involving radio transmission and reception
luggage /ˈlʌɡɪdʒ/ A2	noun - suitcases or bags for traveling

Key Grammar Structures

• You're going to have to pee on it.

  ➔ Semi-modal verb (have to) + Be going to (Future intention/Necessity)

  ➔ "Have to" expresses an external obligation or necessity in this context.

• If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.

  ➔ Second Conditional (If + Past Simple, would + base verb)

  ➔ This structure is used to describe a hypothetical situation that is unlikely to happen.

• We were on a break.

  ➔ Past Simple "to be"

  ➔ Refers to a specific state or situation that existed in the past.

• I wish we hadn't lost those four months.

  ➔ Wish + Past Perfect (for regrets)

  ➔ Used to express regret about a past action that cannot be changed.

• I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for.

  ➔ Noun clause (Indirect question) + Past Continuous

  ➔ The clause "what I was taking responsibility for" acts as the object of "know".

• I built this thing with my own hands.

  ➔ Past Simple (Action completed in the past)

  ➔ Emphasizes that the action happened and finished at a specific point in the past.

• If I can't, I'll knock five bucks off.

  ➔ First Conditional (If + Present Simple, will + base verb)

  ➔ Describes a real possibility in the future based on a condition.

• I should have known it would work out.

  ➔ Modal Perfect (should have + past participle)

  ➔ Used to express an opinion or regret about a past event that did not happen as expected.