– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

God, this place is so depressing. If I

had to work here, I'd kill myself.

>> You obviously haven't.

>> How can I help you?

>> Um, I need to change my name, please.

See, I need to change it cuz I'm I'm

hiding from the law.

>> You're fun.

>> Need to fill out this form.

>> Okay. Well, I just so I know. I don't

know how it works exactly. See, my name

is um Buffet and my husband's name is

Hanigan. So, is it supposed to be Buffet

Hanigan or Hanigan Buffet?

>> It can be anything you want.

>> Well, not anything.

>> Yeah, anything.

>> Oh, this could take a while.

>> Get out of my mind.

>> Okay.

>> Hey. Hey, thieves. Oh, not anymore. I

changed it today. Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs.

Hanigan.

>> Wrong again.

>> Apparently, you can change it to

anything you want. So, I thought, all

right, here's an opportunity to be

creative. So, meet Princess Consuela

Banana Hammock.

>> That's what we were going to name the

baby.

>> Phoei. Uh, Princess Consuela.

You seriously changed your name to that?

>> Uhhuh.

>> Okay. So, from now on, we have to call

you Princess Consuela.

>> Uh, no. I I'm going to have my friends

call me Valerie.

>> Hey, welcome back.

>> I missed you.

>> Oh, me too.

>> So, what's new?

>> Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffet.

>> That's great. You changed your name?

>> Yes, I did. Meet Princess Consuela

Banana Hammock.

>> You're kidding, right? Nope.

>> You really did that?

>> Yep.

>> You can't do that.

>> Why? Why? It's fun. It's different. No

one else has a name like it.

>> All right, then. I'm going to change my

name.

>> Great. Okay. What are you going to

change it to?

>> Crap Bag?

>> Mike? Crap Bag?

>> No. No. Mike? No. Just Just Crap Bag.

First name Crap. Last name Bag.

>> You're not serious, right? Yeah, I'm

serious. It's fun. It's different. No

one else has a name like that.

>> Mhm. Mhm.

>> Well, then great. If you love it, I love

it.

>> I do love it. And I love your name. I

love Princess Consuela.

>> And I love crap.

>> After you, Miss Banana Hammock.

>> Thank you, Mr. Bag.

>> Oh, hey. How are you?

>> Good. Oh, Rita's a massage client. Yeah.

Oh,

>> why don't you introduce me?

Rita, this is my husband.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Why don't you tell her my name?

>> Okay, I will. This is um this is my

husband. Um crap bag.

>> Crap bag.

>> If you need an easy way to remember it,

just think of a bag of crap.

>> Okay. Excuse me.

>> Yeah.

Okay, fine. You made your point. Can you

please just be Mike Hanigan again?

>> Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffet.

>> How about um how about Buffet Hanigan?

>> Really?

>> Yeah. I'm Phoebe Buffet Hanigan. Banana

hammock.

>> Do you even know what a banana hammock

is?

>> It's a funny word.

>> It's a speedo.

>> Oh crap.

GI Joe. GI Joe.

>> Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys.

That's the doll he chose.

>> What'd you do? Dip it in sugar?

>> Look, G.I. Joe's in. Barbie's out. And

if you guys can't deal with it, that's

just you're too bad.

>> What are you being such a weenie for?

Somebody has a Barbie. Big deal. You

used to dress up like a woman.

What?

>> We used to dress up in mom's clothes all

the time.

>> What are you talking about?

>> The big hat, the pearls, the little pink

handbag.

>> Okay, you are totally making this up.

>> How can you not remember? You made us

call you be.

>> Oh god.

I've literally never been this happy.

>> Wasn't there a little song?

>> Oh, please God, let there be a song.

>> There was no song. There was no song.

>> I am.

>> Okay.

>> I drink tea.

>> Okay, that's that's enough.

>> Won't you

won't you

won't you

>> won't you dance around with me?

>> We'll take literature.

Every week, the TV guide comes to

Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name

appears on THE ADDRESS LABEL?

>> CHANDLER GETS IT. IT'S CHANDLER BING.

NO,

>> I'm afraid the TV guide comes to

Chanandler Bong.

>> I knew that. Rachel, use your head.

>> Actually, it's Miss Janandler Bond.

Hello. Yeah.

It's time for your massage. Yeah. Put

Put your face in the hole.

A Swedish massage from a real Swedish

person.

Okay, then I'm Swedish.

So, what's your name?

>> It's a normal Swedish name. IKEA.

>> Wow, what an interesting name.

>> Yeah, you know, I'm

>> Time for your scalp massage.

>> Wow, I really love your

Is something wrong?

>> No, it's just um just feels so good.

IKEA.

Oh, hey, say, you'll know this. What's

the capital of Sweden?

Um,

Stockholm.

Damn, I wish I knew if that was right.

Ross, did I ever tell you about the time

that I went backpacking through Western

Europe?

>> Hey, get ready to see some begging.

>> OH, YOU CAME ON to Ross.

>> What?

>> Now I'm so happy.

What are you talking about?

>> You use the Europe story.

>> That's the magic story you use when you

want to have sex.

>> How do you know about that story?

>> How do you know about that story?

>> I heard it from my friend Irene who

heard it from some guy.

>> Some guy?

>> No. No. She told me that his name was

Ken Adams.

Adam,

>> this woman's living my life.

>> What? She's living my life and she's

doing it better than me.

Look at this. Look. She buys tickets to

plays that I want to see. She She buys

clothes at stores that I'm intimidated

by the salespeople. She spent $300 on

art supplies.

>> You're not an artist?

>> Yeah, well, I might be if I had the

supplies.

I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only

I don't.

>> Monica, come on. You do cool things.

>> Oh, really? Okay, let's compare, shall

we?

>> Oh, it's so late for Shall we?

>> Do I go horseback riding in the park?

>> Do I take classes at the new school?

>> No.

>> No.

>> So unfair. She's got everything I want

and she doesn't have my mother.

Hey. Hey. Hi.

>> Hi. Uh, yes. This is Monica Geller. Um,

I believe I'm taking some classes with

you and I was wondering what they were.

>> What are you doing? All right. Great.

Great. Thanks a lot. I'm going to tap

class. So that you can dance with the

woman that stole your credit card. This

woman's got my life. I should get to see

who she is. Go to the post office. I'm

sure her picture's up.

>> Okay, Monica, you know what? Honey,

you're kind of losing it here. I mean,

this is really becoming like a weird

obsession thing. This is madness. It's

madness, I tell you. FOR THE LOVE OF

GOD, MONICA, DON'T DO IT.

Thank you.

It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm

here. I'm sorry I'm late. Okay, here I

am. So, who's the new tense girl? She's

your partner.

>> Hi. Hi.

>> I'm Monica.

>> Oh, Monica.

No. Hi. I'm

Nana.

>> Manana.

>> It's Dutch.

>> You're kidding. I I spent three years in

Amsterdam.

>> Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.

And we're dancing a five, six, seven,

eight.

>> Where the hell have you been? Why can I

just crash an embassy party?

>> Are you drunk?

>> No.

Why? I am so drunk.

Oh, right. Monica, you know what? You

could have called. I've been up here.

I've been worried. Monica,

what are rules?

>> Yes. Yes, it does. Okay, look. The

restaurant called again today. They want

to know if you're going to be showing up

for work.

>> Nope. Going to the big apple circus

today. Okay, Monica, what are you doing?

You're going to lose your job. This is

not you.

>> No, it is me. You know, I'm not just the

person who needs to fluff the pillows

and pay the bills as soon as they come

in. You know, when I'm with her, I am so

much more than that. I'm

I'm Manana.

>> Have a good night.

>> Did that guy just call you Toby?

>> Yeah, he thinks that's my name.

Well, why don't you correct him?

>> Oh, it's been going on way too long now.

>> I mean, the first time he said it, we

were just passing each other in the

hallway, so I didn't say anything. And

then the next time he said, "Hey, Toby,

you want a donut?" And I I wanted the

donut.

And now it's 5 years later, the donut's

gone, and I'm still Toby.

>> Joey Peponyi.

>> Oh, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I

should have a name that's more neutral.

>> Joey Switzerland.

Plus, you know, I think it should be

Joe. You know, Joey makes me sound like

I'm this big, which I'm not.

Joe. Joe. Joe. Stalin.

Stalin.

Stalin. Do I know that name? That sounds

familiar. Well, it does not ring a bell

with me.

Joe Stalin.

>> You know that's pretty good.

>> You might want to try Joseph.

>> Joseph Stalin.

>> I think you'd remember that.

>> Oh yes.

Bye-bye birdie starring Joseph Stalin.

Joseph Stalin is the fiddler on the

roof.

>> You know there already is a Joseph

Stalin.

>> You're kidding.

Apparently he was this Russian dictator

who slaughtered all these people.

You'd think you would have known that.

You know, you'd think I would have.

>> Here ye here ye. Delivery from the

mattress king.

>> You, Miss Gella.

>> Okay.

>> Signed here.

>> Do I have a middle name?

>> All right. Monica Falula

Geller. It's that bedroom there.

Hey, Monica bought a bed from the

mattress king.

>> Yeah. So, please, please, please don't

say anything to Chandler.

>> You want me to lie to Chandler?

>> Is that a problem?

>> No.

>> What's this?

Isn't it cool? Room. Room.

This is not the bed I ordered. I know.

You must have won like a contest or

something,

>> baby.

Why is this car in my bedroom?

>> I'm sorry. Okay, I I wasn't looking and

the store said that they won't take it

back because you've signed for it.

>> When did I sign for it?

>> When I was you. You know what? It's all

Joey's fault cuz he left his nose open.

>> Did you make brownies today?

>> Knock knock.

>> Quick, take off your dress. He won't

notice the bed.

>> Hey, I'm going for sushi. Does anybody

want uh

Whoa, somebody missed the offramp.

>> It's Monica's bed. What?

>> Okay,

it's a race car.

>> So, this has always been Monica's bed.

Well, you're just noticing now. How

self-involved are you?

>> Okay. Well, if this bed isn't new, then

how come there's plastic on the

mattress?

Sometimes I have bad dreams.

>> Uh, may I help you?

>> Yes. Hi. I talked to you on the phone.

I'm the lady who got stuck with the race

car bed.

>> Look, it's like I told you there's

nothing I can do. You signed for it.

Monica Felula Geller.

>> All right, Chester. Man, look. We want

to see the king. Nobody sees the king.

Okay, I'm talking to the king. Hey, you

can't go back there.

>> Oh my god.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Oh, the worst day. You know, you think

you're finally making progress at work

and then your boss calls you Raquel.

>> Hey, listen. For the first four years of

my work, everybody called me Sha.

Seriously,

>> I believe you.

>> So, it was right in the middle of a

staff meeting. So, of course, no one

else wants to correct her. So, everyone

else is calling me Raquel. By the end of

the day, the mail room guys were calling

me Rocky.

>> Well, I I still think you're very, very

nice and very pretty.

>> What?

All yours, babe. Hey. Uh, where's the

other guy?

>> Which guy?

>> He's kind of tall, dark hair. The hand

looks exactly like this. See?

>> I don't know about the hands, but the

guy who was here before me just went to

the restaurant. Okay.

>> How you doing?

>> Very busy.

>> Right. Okay.

>> I won. I won. I FINALLY WON. I WON. THAT

was my quarter. All right, here. Take a

high ch.

>> Excuse me, sir. This lady played my

quarter. This is my money.

>> Is that true, miss?

>> Sells drugs to kids.

>> What?

>> She sells drugs to kids.

>> It was my quarter.

>> Was it her quarter?

>> How about we talk about this over

dinner?

>> Okay, lady. YOU'RE OUT OF HERE. NO, YOU

CAN'T ARREST ME. NO, I WON'T GO BACK. I

WON'T GO BACK TO that hell hole.

>> Just taking you outside.

>> Oh, okay.

>> Are you going to play?

>> No.

>> No, I don't really have any money.

>> Not yet. Anyway,

cancel.

>> Hello, my name is Regina Felangi.

I'm a businesswoman in town on business.

Would you like to see my card? Oh, what

did I do with my file effects? I must

have left it in conference room B.

>> 14. Hit me.

>> Oh my god. May I just say that you two

gentlemen have the exact same hands.

They're identical. Now, I've never seen

anything like that in the business

world.

>> Stop it.

>> Miss Fangi, may I ask you a question? as

an impartial person at at this table.

>> Please stop it.

>> Yeah. Wouldn't you pay good money to see

these identical hands showcased in some

type of a uh entertainment venue? Huh?

>> If you leave now, I will chop off my

hand and give it to you.

>> Didn't I just throw you out of here?

>> No, you threw out Phoebe. I'm Regina

Fangi. Fangi?

Come on, lady. Please, please take him,

too.

>> Oh, come on, man. Come on.

>> Don't Don't let him do this. Come on.

Put up your hand, twin.

>> Thank you.

>> Hello, sir. You here to return those

pants?

>> No, these are my pants.

Oh.

Okay.

How can I help you?

>> Well, um, do you have a Santa outfit

left

>> two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.

>> Okay. Look, do do you have anything uh

Christmasy? I promised my son, and I I

really don't want to disappoint him. Um,

come on. I You got to have something.

I'm the holiday armadillo.

I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me

here to wish you a merry Christmas.

>> What happened to Santa? Holiday

armadillo.

>> Santa was unavailable. So close to

Christmas.

>> Oh, well, come in. Have a seat. You must

be exhausted coming all the way from

Texas.

Texas.

>> That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's

representative for all the southern

states

and Mexico.

But Santa sent me here to give you these

presents, Ben. Maybe the lady will help

me with these presents.

Wow. Thanks.

>> You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas.

And happy Hanukkah.

>> Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm

part Jewish.

>> You are? Me, too.

Because armadillos also wandered in the

desert.

>> Oh. Oh, excuse me, ma'am. Yes. You can't

put your cigarette out on a tree.

>> Yeah, I can. It worked real well.

>> But you shouldn't. So, don't ever do

that again.

>> I won't till I have my next cigarette.

>> Called it NYPD freeze punk.

>> What?

That's right. You are so busted.

Uh, book them.

>> Who are you talking to?

>> Save it, Red.

Unless you want to spend the night in

the slammer, you apologize to the tree.

>> I am not going to apologize to a tree.

>> You apologize to the tree right now or I

am calling for backup.

BACKUP. BACKUP.

>> I'M I'M SORRY. SORRY.

>> OKAY. CANCEL. BACKUP. CANCEL. BACKUP.

May I help you?

>> Yeah, I'm a friend of Rachel Greens.

>> Oh, right. Uh, Dawn.

>> Close. Ron.

Well,

>> uh, what can I do for you?

>> Um, well, I'm here to see if if, uh,

you'll give Rachel her job back.

>> Ah, did she, uh, ask you to come here

and do this?

>> Oh, no. First, I have to get you to

agree. Then, we'll see if she wants to

come back.

>> Wow, that is tempting.

Look, she loved her job here. And let's

face it, you're not going to find anyone

who did it as well as she did. Isn't

that true?

>> She is good.

>> Oh, I took a shot there.

>> This your son?

>> Yeah. His name is Ross.

>> What?

>> Uh, nothing. It's just it's uh it's

close to Ron.

>> Hey, is this true that you write a lot

of your own lines? Uh, well, kind of.

Yeah.

>> Like remember last week when Alex was in

the accident? Well, the line in the

script was, "If we don't get this woman

to a hospital, she's going to die." But

I made it. If this woman doesn't get to

a hospital, she's not going to live.

>> Oh, okay. I see what you did there.

>> Aren't you afraid though that the

writers are going to be kind of mad when

they read this? Huh?

Never really thought about the writers.

The scripts just kind of come to my

house.

>> But you know what? This makes me look

good, which makes the show look good,

which makes the writers look good. So,

how could they be mad about that?

>> Makes up most of his lines. Son of a

Yeah, write this jerkwaited.

>> I fall down an elevator shaft. What the

hell does this mean? I fall down an

elevator shaft.

>> Uh, I don't know. I just bring the

scripts.

>> They can't kill me. I'm Francesca's

longlost son.

>> Right.

Amber,

I want you to know that I'll always be

there for you as a friend and as your

brother.

>> Oh, Drake.

>> Are they? Huh? Where's the medical

award?

>> Yeah. Some guys are just lucky, I guess.

>> Dr. Ramore, report to first floor

emergency staff.

>> Well, then uh

uh guess that's me.

Anyone else need to go in the elevator?

Dr. Wong. Dr. Wong. No, no,

>> they only said you.

>> Um, okay.

All right.

>> I love you, Drake. Yeah, whatever.

>> Drake, look out.

>> Did they just kill off Joey?

>> No.

>> No. Maybe.

>> Hey, Mom.

>> Mom, get out of here.

>> Monica.

>> Okay. Okay. You have to help us decide

whose joke this is.

>> Why do I have to decide?

>> Because you're the only one that can be

fair.

>> I can't be fair. You're my boyfriend.

>> Yeah. Yeah. But I'm your brother. We're

family. That's the most important thing

in the world.

>> Don't try to sway her.

>> I'm your only chance to have a baby.

>> Okay, let's go. All right. Um Okay,

we'll we'll each tell you um how we came

up with the joke and then you decide

which one of us is telling the truth.

Me.

>> Chandler, you go first.

>> Okay. I thought of a joke two months ago

at lunch with Steve.

>> Oh, wait. Is he the guy that I met at

Christmas?

>> Can I finish my story?

>> Do you want me to pick you?

>> See, I would never snap at you like

that.

>> Continue.

>> Okay. So, Steve said he had to go to the

doctor and Steve's doctor's name is Dr.

Mumpy. So, I said Dr. Monkey. And that

is how the whole Dr. Monkey thing came

up.

>> Are you kidding?

Okay, look. I I study evolution.

Remember evolution? Monkey into man.

Plus, I'm a doctor. And I had a monkey.

I'm Dr. MONKEY.

>> I'm not arguing with that. All right, I

have heard enough. I have made my

decision.

>> Okay, let me tell

>> you are both idiots.

>> The joke is not funny and it's offensive

to women and doctors and monkeys.

You shouldn't be arguing over who gets

credit. You should be arguing over who

gets blamed for inflicting this horrible

joke upon the world. Now let it go. The

joke sucks.

It's your joke.

>> It's not.

>> How about a compromise then? Okay. What

if it's, you know, Chenoi?

>> Okay, look. Joey, come on. Think about

it. First of all, he'll never be

president. I mean, there's never going

to be a President Joey.

All right, look, man. I don't want to

bring this up, but Chandler is the

stupidest name I ever heard in my life.

It's not even a name. It's barely even a

word. Okay. It's kind of like

chandelier, but it's not.

All right. It's a stupid stupid non

name.

>> Wow. You're

You're right. I have a horrible horrible

name.

I'm sorry, man. I didn't I'm I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. So, I guess it's Joey then. I

mean,

>> I am sorry about what I said.

>> Nope. Nope. You're right. It is a

ridiculous name.

>> It's not that bad.

>> Yes, it is.

From now on, I have no first name.

>> So, you're just Bing.

>> I have no name.

All right. So, what are we supposed to

call you?

>> Okay. Uh, for now, temporarily, you can

call me

Clint.

>> No way are you cool enough to pull off

Clint.

>> Okay, so what name am I cool enough to

pull off?

>> Um, Jean.

>> It's Clint. It's Clint.

>> See you later, Jean.

>> Hi, Jean.

>> It's clicked. Clint,

>> what's up with Jean?

Drum roll.

>> Okay. Okay. All right.

Help. Am I a Mark or a John?

>> You're not tall enough to be a Mark,

but you might make a good Barney.

>> All right. Look, I am serious. Okay.

Tomorrow at 3:30, I'm going down to the

courthouse.

>> You're actually going through with this?

>> Hey, look. This name has been holding me

back my entire life. Okay. It's probably

why kids picked on me in school and why

I never do well with women. So, as of

4:00 tomorrow, I'm either going to be

Mark Johnson or John Marson.

You've got problems because of you, not

your name.

This has got to stop. Chandler is a

great name. In fact,

>> yes,

>> I'm I'm sorry. I know you really wanted

me to name the baby Joey, but So, I'm

I'm going to I'm going to name the baby

Chandler.

>> Really?

>> Yeah. But you have to keep the name,

too.

>> Okay. Thanks.

>> Okay.

>> You want to hug it out?

>> Yeah.

>> Yay.

>> Hey.

>> Yay. Oh, yay. Okay. I got to go tell

Frank and Alice right now.

>> Okay.

>> Bye, Febs.

>> Okay. BYE.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
depressing dɪˈprɛsɪŋ B1	adjective - causing someone to feel sad and without hope
kill kɪl A1	verb - to cause someone or something to die
fun fʌn A1	noun - enjoyment or pleasure
thieves θiːvz A2	noun - people who steal things
creative kriˈeɪtɪv B1	adjective - having or showing skill in creating new things
opportunity ˌɒpərˈtjuːnɪti B1	noun - a chance to do something
different ˈdɪfərənt A1	adjective - not the same as another or each other
speedo ˈspiːdoʊ B1	noun - a type of swimsuit for men
obsession əbˈseʃən B2	noun - an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind
madness ˈmædnəs B1	noun - a state of being mentally ill, especially severely
circus ˈsɜːrkəs A2	noun - a traveling show featuring acrobats, clowns, and animals
neutral ˈnjuːtrəl B1	adjective - not supporting or helping either side in a conflict, disagreement, etc.
ethnic ˈɛθnɪk B1	adjective - relating to a population subgroup with a common national or cultural tradition
dictator ˈdɪktətər B1	noun - a ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained power by force
slaughtered ˈslɔːtʃərd B2	verb - to kill people or animals in a cruel or violent way

Key Grammar Structures

• God, this place is so depressing. If I had to work here, I'd kill myself.

  ➔ Conditional sentence (Type 1)

  ➔ The sentence uses 'If I had to work here, I'd kill myself.' to express a possible result of a hypothetical situation.

• You're fun.

  ➔ Present simple for permanent qualities

  ➔ 'You're fun.' uses the present simple to describe a permanent characteristic.

• Need to fill out this form.

  ➔ Modal verb 'need' for necessity

  ➔ 'Need to fill out this form.' uses the modal verb 'need' to express necessity.

• It can be anything you want.

  ➔ Modal verb 'can' for ability

  ➔ 'It can be anything you want.' uses 'can' to indicate possibility or ability.

• You seriously changed your name to that?

  ➔ Emphatic adverb 'seriously'

  ➔ 'You seriously changed your name to that?' uses 'seriously' to emphasize surprise or disbelief.

• After you, Miss Banana Hammock.

  ➔ Polite expression 'After you'

  ➔ 'After you, Miss Banana Hammock.' is a polite way to invite someone to go first.

• I'm no longer Phoebe Buffet.

  ➔ Present simple with 'no longer' for change

  ➔ 'I'm no longer Phoebe Buffet.' uses 'no longer' to indicate a permanent change.

• You can't do that.

  ➔ Modal verb 'can't' for prohibition

  ➔ 'You can't do that.' uses 'can't' to express prohibition or inability.