– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

hello my name is

Clunkers may I please stay with you nice

people oh I wish you could stay here but

Chandler is allergic extremely allergic

okay if I am anywhere near a dog for

more than 5 minutes my throat will just

close up that's odd cuz this dog's been

living here for the past 3

days really

tandler if the dog has been here that

long and you haven't had a reaction

maybe you're not allergic to this dog

well it still has to go right

why okay it's um don't do

it don't do what I have to okay it's

time okay I hate dogs what

told

you I have a bone to pick with

you uh-oh yes Ben learned a little

trick oh yeah did he pull the that's

right that's

right Sur hand wrap on the toilet seat

so the PE goes

everywhere oh that yeah that you know I

hate practical jokes they're mean and

they're stupid and and I don't want my

son learning them oh come on Saran wrap

on the toilet seat you don't think

that's just a little funny I was

barefoot now tell me the toilet thing is

the only thing you taught him right

yes hey guys hey sweetie ready to go

yeah sure oh I left my purse up at

Monica's I'll be right back wait a

minute

one

ooh that one kept

going so you and Phoebe huh how long you

been going out over a month wow maybe uh

maybe you and I ought to get to know

each other a little better sure I'd like

that yeah so

uh what's your

name it's Jake Joey Hey Jake uh do you

like the Knicks yeah big fan me too

there's a game on Tuesday you want to go

yeah that'd be great let me make sure

I'm not doing anything Tuesday

beep Hey listen you know how uh when

you're wearing pants and you lean

forward I check out your underwear

yeah well when Jake did it I saw that he

was wearing women's underwear I know

they were

mine

oh no no wait that's

weird no it's not we were just goofing

around and I dared him to try them on

that's weird I'm wearing his briefs

right right now that's kind of

hot I think so too and that little flap

great for holding my

lipstick yeah I wouldn't know about

that and you know Jake says that women's

underwear is actually more comfortable

and he loves the way the silk feels

against his skin yeah well next thing

you know it be telling you that your

high heels are good for his

posture there is nothing wrong with Jake

okay he is all man I'm thinking even

more than you oh yeah you look like a

real Lumberjack in those pink

laes I'm just saying that only a man

completely secure with his masculinity

could walk around in women's underwear I

don't think you could ever do that hey I

am secure with my masculinity okay

whatever you've seen my huge stack of

porn right

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

hey fees

hey check it

out

[Applause]

H how much of a man am I wow nice manly

and also kind of a

you know I'm beginning to see what

Jake was talking about uhuh the silk

feels really good yeah and and things

aren't as smashed down as I thought they

were going to be great Joe yeah and you

have so many more choices than you do

with men's underwear bikini French cut

thong and and the Fabrics you got cotton

silk lace and you know what I've always

wondered about panty hoes you know the

way they start at your toe and then they

go all the way up

T I should go take these off shouldn't

I think it's important that you

do feel better yeah

much listen uh not that I'm insecure

about my manhood or anything you know

but uh I think I need to hook up with a

woman like right now yeah I understand

yeah

okay hey hi

hi you know you look familiar do I know

you from somewhere I don't think so oh

maybe it's because I'm on

television I'm an actor on Days of Our

Lives wow really mhm 450 please oh let

me get

this these are for you

and that should conclusively prove that

I had the idea for Jurassic Park

first let's take

a oh my God what are you doing here I

need to talk to you it's pretty urgent

it's about Monica and Chandler oh my god

um of course of uh would you please

excuse me for a moment um do you know

each other's hometowns why don't

you what's going on well um not much but

I was just thinking that since those

guys just got engaged that maybe it'd be

nice if they had some privacy you know

so could I just move in with you for a

couple

days um okay yeah sure but what what's

wrong with Monica and Chandler nothing

why Phoebe you said it was urgent oh

yeah it is I'm going to the movies and

it starts in like five

minutes do you realize I have a

classroom full of

students oh I'm sorry I'm so rude does

anyone want to come to the

[Music]

movies I'm sorry I thought maybe I'd

make some warm milk and it would help me

sleep with a

walk thought you were going to read my

boring book to put you to sleep it got

interesting damn you Oprah

here let me make the milk I'm up anyway

hey you know what we could do you know

now that we're up we could just like

talk to each other all night long you

know like we did when we were first

going out it' be fun okay that does

sound fun yeah so I me how bummed were

you when the second sister died huh the

second sister

dies

no no I I I was talking about the book I

was reading the second sister dies in

Archie and Jug Head double

digest that's

correct okay Rachel you're up first

Situation Number one you're with Monica

the wedding is about to start when

Monica gets cold feet go I don't want to

marry

Chandler okay um it's going to be okay

one man the rest of my life I don't know

if I could do it this means I'll never

get to sleep with Joey

look

Monica getting cold feet is very common

you know it's it's just because of all

the anticipation and you just have to

remember that you love Chandler and also

I ran out on a wedding you don't get to

keep the

gifts very good drawn on your own

experience I like

that yes very nice Rachel thank you

judges oh kiss ass

okay Phoebe yes your

honor we're now in the ceremony Monica

is about to say I do when her drunk

uncle starts yelling what do you do go

when monac was a little girl I

remember

oh very

good yes excellent perfect score wait a

minute she just made a scene in the

middle of the ceremony hey hey you want

a little taste of

feeds wow huh well it's funny these

Halls look smaller than they used to

it's a different

building

so Striker rore huh when do you want me

to start why don't we start right now

okay here are the audition

scenes audition thought you were going

to offer me the part why would you think

that well I was Dr Drake Mor Striker's

twin brother who looks more like me than

me

right everybody has to

audition you know Terry I I don't really

need to do this I got my own cable TV

series with a

robot I'm sorry Joey that's that's the

way it

is

well I guess you think you're pretty

special huh sitting up here in your

fancy small hall

building making Stars jump through hoops

for you huh well you know

what this is one star whose

hoop this is a star that the hoop this

hoop I was Dr Drake

rore but I look around and I just see so

many people who have accomplished so

many of their goals by the time they're

30 yeah but you shouldn't compare

yourself to

me okay do it baby

come on there you

[Applause]

[Music]

go I did it one mile on a hippity hop

that's it that's everything I wanted to

do before I was 30 except I wanted to

patch things up with my sister oh well

but

yay and and girls this thing is a

godsend if you know what I

mean

W did you uh find anyone to marry you

guys yet no but horny for Monica

Minister

called wanting to know if we were still

together we're never going to find

anybody well then let me do it Joe no no

no look I've been thinking about it I'm

an actor right so I won't get nervous

talking in front of people I won't spit

and I won't stare at Monica's

breasts you know everyone knows I'm an

ass man

that is true yeah and the most important

thing is it won't be some like stranger

up there who barely knows you it'll be

me and I swear I'll do a really good job

plus you know I love you guys and and it

would really mean a lot to

me might be kind of cool so I can do it

yeah you can do it all right you don't

get all right okay okay I got to get

started on my speech oh wait a

minute internet ministers can still have

sex right hey what are you guys what are

you guys talking about

nothing damn this coffee is cold hey ra

do you mind if I heat this up on your

loins you know I cannot believe you told

him

Joey so I guess you bought that book

after we broke up huh uh-huh yeah I did

because I wore out my first copy when I

was with

you oh yeah yeah well uh when we were

going out I read tons of porno

magazines

so boss how could you do that to an old

man excuse me

ladies hey guess what I got for your

wedding a freakishly thin date with a

hanger for a

head no Rachel hooked me up with a tux

but not just any tux Batman's

tux that's right made expressly for Val

Kilmer and worn by him in the hit

film that Batman film he was

in you can't wear that I'm wearing the

famous tux James Bond's tux so so if you

wear that it'll make mine less

special you need something to make this

day special hello you have the most

special thing of all you are marrying

the woman you love

please don't take away my cool thing

please pretty please pretty please not

very uh

007 look it's my wedding day okay if you

were getting married I would never do

anything to upset you when I got married

you slept with my sister that was

pretty7 oh my God how did you get back

here BB

Buffet fire alarm

oh hi officer fireman can I help you we

found your fire alarm in the trash shoot

mhm that's not mine yes it is how do you

know the next time you want to dump a

fire alarm in the trash shoot don't

wrapp it in a blanket that says property

of Phoebe bufet not

Monica okay do you okay do you have a

search warrant because the last time I

checked this was still

America please reattach this it's

against the law to disconnect them fine

but please God tell me how to stop it

from going off just press the reset

button under the plastic cover there's a

reset button oh thank you thank you oh

there's a reset button my

God why didn't I see

that reset button reset button where's

there reset button oh here it is oh

[Music]

anything that's not Ralph

Lauren yeah I don't think so

Joe all right I guess this will be fun

Hey listen uh what are you what are you

doing tonight nothing what how would you

feel about taking out my assistant tag

I'll

pay M I got to say it's going to take a

lot of money for me to go out on a date

with a dude

I'm not asking you to go on a date with

him really cuz I could kind of use the

money Joey just just he's new in town

and I know he doesn't have any guy

friends just take him to like a ball

game or something I'd really appreciate

it yeah okay sure no problem thank you

oo hey

Donuts

that's wish I didn't have to go believe

me

but unfortunately I have to oh um by the

way what's the name of the girl you're

dating chrr

bye well obviously only one of us can

keep dating her

obviously so how do we

decide well now let's let's look at this

objectively I think I should date

her uh-huh uh-huh or or I'm the one who

dates her

that's interesting but check this out I

date

her yeah yeah I like that but just to go

in another Direction okay okay this can

go on for a while yeah well we should

order some food then no

Joey look why don't why don't we just

let her decide okay hey hey we'll each

go out with her one more time and and

we'll see who she likes

best that sounds

fair maybe I'll take her to that new

French restaurant down the street hey

wait a second now look we're going to

have to set a spending limit on the date

I don't have the money to take her to a

fancy place like that well sorry that's

what I do on

dates all right well I guess I'll just

have to do what I do on

[Applause]

days so let's decide on a spending limit

yeah uh

a

slice

$6 I was thinking more like a hundred

okay and I bought

$94 hey

guys hey

so what do you

think about what what yeah what are you

kidding okay I'll give you a hint I'll

give you a hint

eyes no no your eyes no Chandler's

eyes I got

glasses you always had

glasses no I

didn't are you

sure yeah did didn't you used to have a

pair they were really round and burgundy

and they made you look kind of um

feminine

yes no sweetie I think the glasses look

great they make you look really sexy

really yeah you didn't think I used to

wear glasses right of

course so I just talked to one of the

duel writers today and what is duel Days

of Our

Lives anyway you're not going to believe

it my character is coming out of his

coma and and not only that I'm getting a

new

brain so great thing are happening at

work and in your personal

life wait what do you mean you're

getting a new brain oh well they're

killing off one of the characters on the

show and when she dies her brain is

being transplanted into my

body what a brain transplant it's

ridiculous well I think it's ridiculous

that you haven't had sex in 3 and a half

[Applause]

months it's winter there are fewer

people on the street

[Laughter]

who are they filling off uh Cecilia

Monroe she plays Jessica lockart

no she is so good at throwing drinks in

people's faces I mean I don't think I've

ever seen her finish a beverage and the

way she slaps people all the time

wouldn't you love to do that just once

oh

D and she's been on the show forever

it's going to be really hard to fill her

shoes yeah yeah help me out here when

you when you come out of the brain

[Music]

transplant you are going to be her yes

but in Drake R's

body why is this so hard for you to get

I thought you were a

scientist hey how was it well I had a

great time um Chanty on the other hand I

will tell the story it was going great I

let him win we were bonding he even said

that I could call him dad and what did

he ask you not to call him

daddy all right look here's the

story well we had just finished playing

racketball and we were going to take a

steam I walk into the steam room and

it's really

steamy so I take off my glasses and

that's when it happened guys over here

have a seat son

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

hey oh my God Chandler I can't believe

it I know you gave my father a lap

dance why do they put so much steam in

there cuz otherwise they have to call it

the room room

[Music]

why okay why why did that have to

happen come on it's not that big a deal

not that big a deal there there was

touching of

things I I know you wanted to bond with

my dad but did you really have to bond

to that

part listen I'm sure that dad doesn't

care he probably thought this was really

funny he'll be telling the story for

years I don't want him to tell this

story for

years oh but he

will he still tells a story about how

Monica tried to escape from Fat

Camp I wasn't escaping then how'd you

get caught in the barbed

wire I was trying to help out a squirrel

you were trying to eat

it if that is your father calling to

tell this story then the marriage is

off come on hello

I'm sorry you have the wrong

number okay I'll call you later dad I

love

[Music]

you all right I'm off to see your dad

whoa whoa aren't you a little

overdressed yeah and and you better make

sure he tips you this

time look I figured I would try to

convince him not to tell the story

anymore and I figured the best way to do

that was face to face and by face

I don't mean his lap and by face I don't

mean my

ass so you understand I'd feel a lot

more comfortable if you didn't tell

people what happened you know I'm a

little a little embarrassed about it I

understand completely there's nothing

more horrifying than embarrassing

yourself in front of your in-laws as a

matter of fact when I started dating

Judy I was unemployed and her father

asked me what I did for a living and I

told him I was a lawyer

what what' you do when they found out

they never did so if you ever see me

giving them legal advice just not

alone shall

we so I guess we wear swimsuits in

here okay okay good you're here all

right I figured it out I'm going to take

two tables of eight I'm going to add

your parents and I'm going to turn them

into three tables of six okay and I call

the caterer I added two extra meals we

are good to go yeah they're not

coming what somehow they got the idea

that you only invited them because of me

they feel a little unwanted oh that's

too bad it's true but too bad look Mom

if you could just call my mom oh Joey

come on look just just tell let her know

that you really want them to be there

let's not forget this is a woman who has

sent you many lasagnas over the years no

she hasn't is it her fault if some of

them didn't make it to

you what am I going to say I don't know

just uh just tell them there was a mix

up with the invitations or no no no

blame it on the post office they hate

the post office and the

Irish but I don't think you can blame it

on them

so hello yeah hi uh Mrs triani hi this

this is Monica Geller yeah I'm I'm just

calling to say that Chandler and I

really hope that you can make it to the

wedding yeah apparently a bunch of the

invitations that we sent uh weren't

delivered um I guess there was some

screw up at the damn post

office tell me about it yeah yeah the US

Post Office no more like us lost

office what are they Irish

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
allergic /əˈlɜːrdʒɪk/ B1	adjective - having an abnormal reaction of the immune system to a substance
reaction /riˈækʃən/ B1	noun - a response to a stimulus or situation
silk /sɪlk/ A2	noun - a natural protein fiber produced by silkworms
underwear /ˈʌndərˌwɛr/ B1	noun - clothing worn next to the skin, typically under other clothes
masculinity /ˌmæskjʊˈlɪnəti/ C1	noun - qualities traditionally associated with men
privacy /ˈprɪvəsi/ B2	noun - the state of being free from public attention
engaged /ɪnˈgeɪdʒd/ B1	verb (past participle) / adjective - having formally agreed to marry; occupied or involved in
ceremony /ˈsɛrəˌmoʊni/ B2	noun - a formal event held on a special occasion
anticipation /ænˌtɪsɪˈpeɪʃən/ C1	noun - the act of looking forward to something with excitement or anxiety
transplant /trænsˈplænt/ C1	noun - the act of moving an organ or tissue from one body to another verb - to move an organ or tissue to another body
embarrassed /ɪmˈbærəst/ B2	adjective - feeling self-conscious or ashamed
lawyer /ˈlɔːjər/ B1	noun - a person who practices law; an attorney
invitation /ˌɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/ B1	noun - a request to attend an event
screwup /ˈskruːˌʌp/ B2	noun (informal) - a mistake or blunder
post /poʊst/ A2	noun - a system for sending letters and parcels; also a mail‑delivery office
secure /sɪˈkjʊr/ B1	verb - to obtain or achieve something safely adjective - safe from danger; protected
lumberjack /ˈlʌmbərˌdʒæk/ B2	noun - a person who fells trees as a job
hints /hɪnts/ B1	noun (plural) - small pieces of information that point toward a solution
fancy /ˈfænsi/ B1	adjective - elaborate or decorative; of high quality

Key Grammar Structures

• okay if I am anywhere near a dog for more than 5 minutes my throat will just close up

  ➔ First Conditional

  ➔ The sentence uses the First Conditional to express a likely future consequence. “If + present simple, will + base verb”. Here, the condition is being near a dog, and the consequence is the throat closing up. The phrase 'will just close up' emphasizes the certainty of the outcome.

• well it still has to go right

  ➔ Modal Verb + Infinitive (have to)

  ➔ The phrase 'has to' expresses obligation or necessity. It indicates that something *must* happen. The 'right' at the end is a tag question seeking confirmation.

• why okay it's um don't do it

  ➔ Imperative Mood

  ➔ “Don’t do it” is a direct command, using the imperative mood. It's a forceful way of telling someone not to perform an action. The 'um' is a filler word indicating hesitation.

• I hate practical jokes they're mean and they're stupid

  ➔ Subject-Verb-Object + Relative Pronouns

  ➔ The sentence expresses a strong dislike using the verb 'hate'. The use of 'they're' (they are) with 'mean and stupid' uses relative pronouns to describe the practical jokes. The repetition of 'they're' emphasizes the speaker's negative opinion.

• so you and Phoebe huh how long you been going out over a month wow

  ➔ Question Tags & Present Perfect Continuous

  ➔ The phrase 'so you and Phoebe huh' uses a question tag ('huh') to seek confirmation. 'How long have you been going out?' uses the Present Perfect Continuous to ask about the duration of a relationship that started in the past and continues to the present.