– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

you know what I'm thinking oh

okay

how it's been so long since you've had

sex you're wondering if they've changed

it no although now that's what I'm

thinking all right so what were you

thinking well I was thinking that you

gave the guy Such Great Haircuts I

thought maybe you'd like to do mine oh

no

why not because I'm just I'm incredibly

anal and an unbelievable control freak

no you're not I know I'm not but you are

and I was trying to spare your

feelings you know it's funny last time

Paula was here my hair was so much

shorter and cuter all right okay but but

you have to promise that you will not be

all like controlly and bossy and all you

know Monica about

it I promise all right let's see now

some of you are going to get cut and

some of you

aren't but I promise none of you will

feel a

[Music]

thing all right that's it I Quit what I

just didn't say anything yeah but this

isn't the face of a person who trusts a

person okay this is the face of a person

who you know doesn't trust a

person I'm sorry sorry phoe it's just

well just a little shorter than what we

had discussed would you relax I know

what I am doing this is how he wears

it how who wears it Dei

Moore Dei MO is not a he well he was a

he in Arthur and in

Dan that's Dudley Moore I said I wanted

it like demore oh oh oh my God oh God oh

my God oh my God I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm

sorry which one is demore she's the

actress there was in disclosure and

decent proposal ghost oh oh she's got

Gorgeous Hair I

how is

she it's too soon to

tell she's resting which is a good

sign how's the hair I'm not going to lie

to you Ross it doesn't look

good I put a clip on one side which

seems to have stopped the

curling well can we see you your hair

looks too good I think it would upset

her Ross why don't you come on in your

boyfriend has been in there for over an

hour can't believe it it's like I'm

living with him again he's here when I

go to sleep he's here when I wake up

he's here when I want to use the shower

feel like I'm 16 all over again well

you're not 16 you're both adults now get

out you

doofers or you know he's rubber in your

glue all

yours I hope you cleaned your hair out

of the drain I hope you came your hair

out of

the shut up

shut cut it out me me

[Music]

me I've never wanted you

more I want to watch Entertainment

Tonight tough nuggies were watching

predators of the serengetti

would you guys stop it's my TV what uh

quit it

bite me oh my god well Mica keeps

changing the channel a that's great why

don't you tell Mommy on

me now I'm mommy in this little play all

right look I refuse to get sucked into

this like weird little Geller dimension

thing okay so I'm going to go and take a

nice long hot bubble bath because you

kids are driving me

crazy I want you to take a piece of

paper here you go and write down your

most embarrassing memory oh and I do ask

that when you're not using the markers

you put the Caps back on them because

they will dry

out listen you guys um I don't mean to

be a pain about this but um I've noticed

that some of you are just placing them

on you want to push the

Caps until you hear them

click Gunther where are you going I um

was sort of thinking about maybe no

no you can't go no this is fun come on

we're just getting started here here's

your

marker listen if you want to go just go

no she'll yell at me

again all right I can get you out

what in a minute I'm going to create a

diversion when I do walk quickly to the

door and don't look

back okay the first person's most

embarrassing memory is Monica your party

sucks all right very

funny oh no oh did someone forget to use

a coaster

what I don't see

anything great I'm sing water rings

again okay she's taking the trash out so

I can get you you out of here but it has

to be now she'll be back any minute what

about my friend Victor no only the three

of you any more than that and she'll get

suspicious all right let me just get my

coat there isn't

time just leave everything they'll take

care of you next

door is it true they have

beer everything you've heard is

true could you guys please try to keep

it down we're trying to start a bosle

tournament

you and you you're supposed to be my

party and

gun what are you doing here

um hey welcome to the

pH phie all right I'm sorry but these

people needed me you know they work hard

all week it's Saturday night they

deserve to have a little fun

go you know my party is fun I mean maybe

it's a little quieter less obvious sort

of fun but you know if people would just

give it a chance it's

so you made the Ved again I told you you

don't have to do that this isn't Camp oh

then I guess the panty raid last night

was totally uncalled

for okay I am going to take a shower and

today I will be singing Jim Koch's Leroy

Brown

Monica hey man I have a question is

Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn

town or the fattest man in the whole

damn town the baddest otherwise the song

would be fat fat Leroy Brown

what are you

doing I'm just waiting for you

sweetie are you remaking the bed I'm

sorry I'm sorry you know what the way

you did it it was just fine then you're

redoing it because if I tell you you'll

think I'm crazy you're pretty much

running that risk either way

is

off did you just break the radiator no

no I was turning the knob and and here

it

is well put it

back it uh it won't go back I'll call

the super here let me try oh oh that's

right I forgot about your ability to

fuse

metal hey it's Funny's cousin not funny

hi Mr trigger hi it's Rachel Green from

upstairs yes somebody uh broke our kn

knob on the radiator and it's really hot

in

here yes it's it's hot enough to bake

cookies well do you think we could have

a new one by

six what no no Tuesday we can't wait

until Tuesday we're having a party

tonight okay tip the man no if he

doesn't like our cookies too bad I'm not

going to be blackmailed look if worse

comes to worse it gets a little warm

we'll call it a theme party hey here's a

theme come on in live like bacon we've

only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left

move move move Monica I feel like you

should have German

subtitles Joey speed it up I'm sorry

it's the pigs they're reluctant to get

in the

blankets Monica how did this happen I

thought you had this all planned out do

you want me to

cry is that what you want do you want to

see me cry sir no sir

all right you what no look I told you I

am not a part of this thing all right

look Ross I realize that you have issues

with carolly and Susan and I feel for

you I do but if you don't help me cook

I'm going to take a bunch of those

little hot dogs and create a new

appetizer called pigs and

Ross all right ball of melon hey how

come I'm stuck dicing when he gets to

ball of melon oh my God hey what okay

I'm at work it's an orary day you know

chop chop chop sauté sauté

sauté all of a sudden Leon the manager

calls me into his office turns out they

fire the head lunch chef and guess who

got the job if it's not you this is a

horrible

story fortunately it is me and they made

me head of purchasing thank you very

much

so anyway I just ran into Chandler and

was downstairs and they think we should

go out and celebrate you know some place

nice

that place nice how much you think I can

get for my kidney all right Monica if

there is something that you would like

to share you know you had no right to go

out with him that is the most ridiculous

you sld me out I did not sell you

absolutely sold me

talk did you just flick

me okay well you wouldn't let me finish

and I

was ow that hurt

quit flicking ow you flicking you

flicked me first D

[Music]

it let's not do

[Music]

this okay now I'm going to kick some a

all right now I will let go if you both

stop what do you you want me to stop

seeing him is that what you want uh-huh

you want me to just call him up and tell

him that you're seeing him instead is

that what you want

okay oh that's what you want

yes fine fine

there we

go H you know what if we were in prison

you guys would be like my

[Applause]

hey you feeling better yeah I

think that fifth shower actually got the

interview off

me so do you have any other

possibilities oh yeah well there is the

possibility that I won't make rent if

you want I can lend you some money no no

no cuz if I couldn't pay you back right

away then I'd feel guilty and tense

every time I saw you oh okay well then

why don't you uh why don't you borrow it

from Mom and Dad you feel guilty and

tense around them already you might as

well make some money off of

[Music]

them hi hi hi darling so what's this

some of your old stuff well sweetie we

have a surprise for you we're turning

your room into a

gym wow that is a surprise

just one little question uh why not

Ross's room gosh we talked about that

but your brother has so many science

trophies and plaques and merit badges

well we didn't want to disturb them oh

God

forbid you know that Stephie graph has

quite a

tush I'm just saying it's right

there hey guys hi darling 's my grandson

you didn't bring him no he's at the

Carol's and Susan's today a woman in my

office is a

lesbian I'm just

saying oh Jack look there's that house

Bank commercial that cracks you

up where have you been emotional hell so

did they lend you the money yet no but

that's probably cuz I haven't asked them

yet come on Monica do it hey you guys um

Monica has some

news um yeah so uh listen I'm sorry I

didn't tell you this before but um I I'm

no longer at my job I I had to leave it

why because they made

me you were

fired what are you going to do Judy Judy

relax this is our little harmonica we're

talking about we taught her well 10% of

your paycheck where does it go the bank

the

bank there you go so she dips into her

savings that's what it's there for she's

going to be fine and if you need a

little extra you know where to find it

anything larger back

there okay here you go you can pay me

back whenever you

like you have dinosaur

checks yeah yeah I mean you get your

money and you learn a little something

what's wrong with that nothing nothing

hey you're a cheapos

surus no kidding no kidding thank you

I'm very grateful hey M what is

this oh um that was my bathing suit from

high school I was a little bigger then

Oh I thought that's what they used to

cover Connecticut when it

rained the whole evening was pretty much

a bust yeah we we really missed you guys

yeah look uh we were just saying this

whole thing is so stupid we just have to

really really really not let stuff like

this about money get like is that a

hickey no I just I fell

down on someone's

lips where'd you get the hickey you know

a party or what party well it it wasn't

a party so much as a a gathering of

people with food and music and and and

and the

band you partied with hoodie and the

Blowfish yes apparently Stevie and

Hoodie are like

this who gave you that

hickey that would be the work of a

blowfish hey how much did you guys tip

the super this year yeah we were going

to give 50 but if you guys gave more we

don't want to look bad oh actually this

year we just made him homemade

cookies and 25 it

is you gave him cookies money is so

impersonal cookie says someone really

cares all right we're broke but cookies

do say

that I can see that I played a brownies

once told me a

limi peep let me ask you something were

these uh funny

brownies not

especially but you know what I think

they had pot in

them so you guys who else did you tip

with cookies

uh the mailman the

super oh and the newspaper delivery

guy oh my God what I don't think you're

going to like

this oh gosh oh there's a cookie smashed

in the sports

section oh look can he did my crossword

puzzle yeah but not very well unless 14

across gerswin musical actually is bite

me bite me bite me bite me give me back

my sweater or tan bag

marinara you don't have the guts oh yeah

well at least I wasn't too chicken to

tell some guy I thought he was

cute oh all right stop stop the

madness this is crazy who can even

remember why you started fighting in the

first place she

knew yes that's

right but still I look at your

purse look at your

sweater look at

yourselves I'll help you fix your

sweater I'll help you throw out your

purse

I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing

him well I'm sorry I went out with him

when I knew you liked

him I'm sorry that I borrowed your

gloves hey Monica we got a question all

right for the zillionth time yes I see

other women in the shower at the gym and

no I don't

look oh not that one we're trying to

figure out who to bring to the Knicks

game tonight we have an extra ticket

yeah Ross can't go so it's between

between my friend Eric Prower who has

breath issues and Dan with the poking

did you see that play do you want some

more beer is that LE

okay why don't you ask

Richard okay uh hey Richard if you had

an extra ticket to the Knicks

game and you had to choose between a

friend who's smelled and one who bruises

you who would you pick wow

well being a huge Nicks fan myself I

think you should take someone who's a

huge Nicks

fan okay that's

Eric glad to be of help

matches I meant why don't you take

Richard to the

game

what I don't know come on he keeps his

fingers to himself and he's always minty

fresh I Know Rich it's really nice and

everything it's just so we don't know

him really well you know and plus he's

you know

old or than some

people but uh younger than some

buildings you okay Ross I don't

know what's in this pie I don't know um

butter and eggs and flour and lime and

kiwi kiwi

kiwi you said it was a key lime pie no I

didn't I said kiwi lime that's what

makes it so special that's what's going

to kill

me I'm allergic to Kiwi no you're not

you're you're allergic to Lobster and

peanuts

and oh my God uh it's definitely getting

worse okay all right is your tongue

swelling up either that of my mouth is

getting

smaller all right get your coat we're

going to go to the hospital is he going

to be okay yeah he's just got to get get

a shot oh you know you know actually

it's getting better it is it is let's

not go anyone up for

Scrabble Jack it now but what what about

Ben we can't bring a baby to the

hospital we'll watch

him I don't think

so what I have seven Catholic sisters

I've taken care of hundreds of

kids come on we want to do it don't we

well I was looking forward to playing

basketball but I guess that's out the

window

okay well if you do take out for a walk

just remember bring his hat okay and

there's extra milk in the fridge and

extra diapers in the bag hat milk got

it

okay a th a throw throw a throw

throw consider it done you understood

that yeah my uncle s has a really big

tongue is she the one with the beautiful

wife

[Music]

well there's no way I'm going to get a

shot maybe they can take the needle and

squirt it into my mouth you know like

like a squirt

gun hello there hi I'm Dr Carlin I see

someone's having a little allergic

reaction yes doctor can I see you for

just a moment

please my brother um has a slight phobia

about needles did you tell him about my

my squirt gun idea

my brother the PHD would like to know if

there's any way to treat this orally no

under these circumstances it has to be

an injection and it has to be

now

oh all right that's good have the seats

um doctor says it's got to be a needle

so you're just going to have to be brave

okay can you do that for

me okay okay oh boy you doing so

good you want to squeeze my hand yes

okay all right Ross don't squeeze it so

hard honey really don't squeeze it so

hard I hold my

hand are you sure he didn't break it cuz

it really hurts no it's just a good bone

bruise and right here is the puncture

wound from your

ring I'm sorry I'm really sorry sorry

sorry so sorry hey hey I got my asses

back which we can celebrate

later

Cate I just want to thank you for being

there for me today and I'm sorry I I

almost broke your hand well that's okay

I'm sorry I poisoned

you hey remember the time I jammed that

pencil into your hand remember it what

do you think this is a

freckle wait what about the time that I

hit you in the face with sylvan's

pumpkin oh man well remember when I I

stuck that broom in your bike Spokes and

you flipped over and hit your head on

the curb no but I remember people

telling me about

it the H Ben has a little sister yeah

and I hope she can kick his ass

I'm going to get a new

Bandit hey how about the time I cut the

legs off your Malibu can that was

you uh they were infected he wouldn't

have made

it you can't go shopping with her what

about Rachel this is going to be a

problem isn't it oh come on you're going

to Bloomingdales with Julie it's like

cheating on Rachel in her house of

worship Monica she will kill you

she will kill you like a dog in the

street so uh Jules tells me you guys are

going shopping tomorrow oh yeah um it's

actually not that big a deal in fact

it's a big deal to me this is great

Monica I really appreciate this you're

welcome

[Applause]

[Music]

hey hey where is everybody they took B

to the park Where Have You Been Just out

had some lunch just me little quality

time with me hey thanks for your jacket

oh no problem you can borrow it by the

way oh here your keys time

okay M mhm if uh you were at lunch alone

how come it cost you uh

$53 you know what probably

happened someone must have stolen my

credit

card and sort of just put the receipt

back in your

pocket that is an excellent excellent

question that is

excellent Monica what's with you who did

you have lunch with Judy who Julie what

Jodie

you were with Julie oh look when it

started I was just trying to be nice to

her because she was my brother's

girlfriend and then one thing led to

another and before I knew it we

were

shopping oh my

God honey wait we only did it once

it didn't mean anything to me yeah yeah

right really sure Rachel I was thinking

of you the whole

time

look I'm sorry all right I I never meant

for you to find out oh please please you

wanted to get caught that is not true so

you just sort of happened to leave it in

here did it ever occur to you that I

might just be that stupid

okay Monica I just have to know one

[Music]

thing did you go with her to

[Music]

[Applause]

Bloomingdales

okay

okay okay I just really um I just really

need to not be with you right

now okay

what is it about me do I not look fun

enough is there something repellent

about

me so how was the party well it couldn't

have been worse a woman literally passed

through me okay so what is it am I

hideously unattractive no you are not

you are very attractive you know what I

go through the exact same thing every

time I put on a little weight I start

questioning

everything whoa whoa I I I put on a

little weight did you

want no not weight you know more like

insulation Chandler I'm unemployed in

dire need of a project you want to work

out I can remake you oh you know I would

but that might get in the way of my

lying around time please come

on all right okay all right but if we

put on spandex my boobs are bigger than

yours I'm going

home your boobs are fine look I never

should have said anything come here come

here oh can't make hands

meat okay let's do

it what nothing just never seen your

little stretchy pants

before and we're changing

hey

hey man

yeah come on give me five more five

more five more and I'll flash you

one

two Jun half

okay just show me one of

them ow ow ow ow ow ow owow ow

ow ow ow ow ow

ow she's insane the woman is insane it's

before work it's after work it's during

work she's got me doing butt clenches at

my

desk and now they won't bring me my mail

anymore

[Applause]

Monica it's 6:30 in the morning we're

not working out it's

over no way with one pound to go come on

we're working we're moving we're in this

Z we're

grooving okay I don't I don't mind the

last pound okay in fact I kind of like

the last pound okay so don't make me do

anything that I'll

regret what you going to do fat boy

huh

what nothing except tell you uh I think

it's wonderful how much energy you have

well thanks I mean especially

considering how tough it's been for you

to find

work you

know you know I mean you can't tell your

parents you were fired because they'd be

disappointed

uh-huh and it's not as if you have a

boyfriend's shoulder to cry

on well no but I I mean if it were me I

think I'd have difficulty just getting

out of bed at all

you know I try to stay

positive so

you you feel like going for a

run all right because you know you don't

have to if you want you could just take

a nap right

here

okay just for a little while okay

she

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
incredible /ɪnˈkredəbl/ B2	adjective - difficult to believe; extraordinary.
anal /ˈænəl/ C1	adjective - relating to the anus; obsessively concerned with order and control.
control /kənˈtroʊl/ B1	noun - the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events. verb - determine the behavior or supervise the running of.
spare /spɛr/ B1	verb - avoid inflicting something unpleasant on (someone).
shorter /ˈʃɔːrtər/ A2	adjective - of a small length.
promise /ˈprɒmɪs/ A2	verb - assure someone that one will definitely do something or that something will happen.
cut /kʌt/ A2	verb - separate (something) with a sharp-edged tool or object.
trust /trʌst/ B1	noun - firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
sorry /ˈsɒri/ A1	interjection - feeling or expressing regret or sorrow.
discuss /dɪˈskʌs/ B1	verb - talk about (something) with someone.
relax /rɪˈlæks/ A2	verb - become less tense or anxious.
gorgeous /ˈɡɔːrdʒəs/ B2	adjective - beautiful; very attractive.
resting /ˈrestɪŋ/ A2	verb - cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.
living /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ A2	verb - the condition of being alive.
crazy /ˈkreɪzi/ B1	adjective - mentally deranged, especially as expressed in bizarre behavior and speech.
embarrassing /ɪmˈbærəsɪŋ/ B1	adjective - causing someone to feel awkward, self-conscious, or ashamed.
diversion /daɪˈvɜːrʒən/ B2	noun - something that distracts one from serious thoughts.

Key Grammar Structures

• you know what I'm thinking oh

  ➔ Indirect Speech & Tag Question

  ➔ The phrase uses an indirect question ("what I'm thinking") and a tag question ("oh") to engage the listener and confirm understanding. The 'oh' functions as a minimal response seeking confirmation.

• why not because I'm just I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak

  ➔ Complex Sentence Structure & Adverbial Intensifiers

  ➔ This sentence demonstrates a complex structure with a 'because' clause explaining the reason. The use of 'incredibly' and 'unbelievable' are adverbial intensifiers, strengthening the adjectives 'anal' and 'control freak'. The repetition of 'I'm' adds emphasis.

• some of you are going to get cut and some of you aren't but I promise none of you will feel a thing

  ➔ Future with 'going to' & Negative Future with 'promise'

  ➔ The sentence uses 'going to' to express a planned future action (getting a haircut). The contrast is shown with 'some...and some aren't'. The 'promise' introduces a future negative statement, assuring the recipients they won't experience pain. The use of 'a thing' is a colloquialism for 'any pain'.

• well you know my party is fun I mean maybe it's a little quieter less obvious sort of fun

  ➔ Qualifying Adjectives & Hedging Language

  ➔ The speaker uses qualifying adjectives like 'quieter' and 'less obvious' to soften their claim about the party being fun. The phrase 'sort of fun' is an example of hedging language, making the statement less direct and more tentative. The 'I mean' is a discourse marker indicating clarification.