– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

hey oh my God can you believe we're

surrounded by all this I can barely

control myself Monica you might want to

remember that you're married where is

Chandler anyway oh my God

Chandler where the hell is

everybody why don't you like me

chapter one my first

period Well I bet you're all thinking

that now would be a really great time

for an intermission huh oh yes God

yes well you're not going to get one cuz

in life there are no intermissions

people now chapter seven divorce is a

four-letter

word how could he leave me

I I don't know you seem lovely I

sincerely hope the rest of your party is

returning nah just me all

alone dinner for 6 for

one well you boys are about to see

something really special

how is everything sir excellent the

Shrew in particular was

Exquisite well I hope you've got some

room left happy birthday to you happy

birthday to you happy birthday dear Joey

Joey

joy happy birthday to you this the best

birthday ever

oh it's a gift certificate to this new

Spa in SoHo oh well you can't show

Phoebe this she hates those corporate

massage chains oh what now I can't get a

massage there are so many things that

she disapproves of I can't eat ve I

can't wear fur I can't go

hunting do you want to go hunting well I

would like to have the

option what's up hey

Rachel no you can't go there do you know

how I feel about these big massage

places they're putting people like me

out of business she wants to go hunting

too bab come on I don't want to waste it

it would be like throwing away a hundred

bucks okay this is not about the money

okay it's it's about it's about

corporate greed destroying our hearts

and leaving us Hollow

shells I don't care about any of that

well do you care about friendship I feel

really strongly about this Rachel please

don't use this gift certificate I'm

asking you as a friend oh not as a

friend

V fine I won't use it promise I promise

thank you well I am going

[Music]

hunting hi there hello welcome to

Lavender Days bar how may I help you oh

um hi I'm uh I have a massage

appointment under Rachel Green okay and

here is my gift

certificate this has been torn up and

taped back

together okay well I'll call you as soon

as your massage therapist is ready okay

have a seat through the glass doors

through the glass doors

through the glass

doors Al righty

then Phoebe your next client's in the

waiting room okay do we have to talk

like that when they're not

around oh oh no no no listen is there

someone who can fill in for me sorry

everyone is booked but that woman can't

know that I work here she's a friend of

mine and I made this big stink about how

awful these massage chains are then why

do you work here cuz it's good

money that doesn't change the fact that

this is an evil blood sucking corporate

machine well I think this is a great

place to

work okay are they listening

hello

yah it's time for your massage yah put

put your face in the

hole w a Swedish massage from a real

Swedish

person okay then I'm

Swedish so what's your name it's a

normal Swedish name Ikea

what an interesting name yeah you know

I'm time for your scalp

massage wow I really love

your is something wrong no it's just um

just feels so good

Ikea oh hey say you'll know this what's

the capital of

Sweden um

Stockholm damn I wish I knew if that was

[Music]

right and Streep and bloy

gloy and that's the Swedish national

anthem thank you for

asking wow

Ikea what a rich

culture um you know what I have a a

friend who's a massuse oh yeah yeah yeah

she's uh not very good though

uh-huh

uh-huh and why do you think that is I

don't know maybe it's because she's got

such callously fingers from playing

crummy

[Laughter]

guitar or maybe she has trouble

loosening your knots because you're such

a high maintenance tight ass maybe you

know it's me well for like a half an

hour man you can lie about

Sweden how how can you come here how

could you not tell me you worked here I

don't have to tell you everything yes

you do if you're going to make me feel

guilty for getting a free massage tips

not included

oh baby why did you lie to me about

working here because I was ashamed okay

I sold out for the cash and they they

give me back benefits like medical and

dental and a for a

[Laughter]

wonk but you know you pay a price now

I'm this corporate stooge and and

punching a clock and paying

taxes honey if you hate it so much you

should walk out there right now and quit

be true to what you believe in honey you

have principles and I so admire that I

don't have

any you know what you're right I am

going to quit it's time I took my life

back good for you phebs

okay if you guys have microphones in

there too I didn't mean any of

that I love you

[Music]

good morning Phoebe good morning

receptionist here's your schedule for

the day your first client is in room

number one Rachel Green son of a

she came

back are you ready for your Scottish

massage put your face in the hole

iie this may sting just a little bit

please I have an exper extremely high

threshold holy mother of God oh my face

my

face I'm all right I'm all right I'm all

right just a uh bit of shock is all but

uh I'll be fine you can go again I'm

okay

damn it woman

no hey hun would you help me get the

plates down yeah hey here's an idea why

don't we use our wedding China today I

think we should save our China for

something really special like if the

Queen of England comes

over honey she keeps cancelling on us

take the

hint what if something gets broken

they're so expensive what is the point

of having them if we never use

them okay but if something gets broken

and then the queen comes over I will

explain it to her oh yeah like I'm going

to let you talk to the

queen W the parade is really good this

year man those horses can

crap next up is a marching band from MSI

Oklahoma MSI that's like 4 hours from

Tulsa

woohoo and here's the float with the

stars of the popular daytime soap Days

of Our Lives

oh my

God aren't you one of the stars that

popular daytime self Days of Our Lives

yeah I forgot I'm supposed to be

there I can't believe I forgot I usually

write stuff like this down on my

arm oh stupid long

sleeves what are you going to do I guess

I'm going to have to come up with a

really good reason why I wasn't there

the producers are going to be so mad at

me they sat us all down yesterday and

said everyone has to be there 6: a.m.

sharp that means you

trivani like I was some kind of

idiot well you prove them

wrong so how is this a big double date

tonight oh my

God o great just the reaction I was

hoping

for yeah so you uh you found someone for

me you didn't forget of course not and

you are going to love Mary Ellen she's

really smart and cute and funny and I

can't tell you how I know this but she

is not opposed to

threesim yeah so tell me some about my

guy

no come on give me something what's his

name Mike Mike yeah okay what's his last

name damn it is there no mystery left in

Romance anymore

more all right we'll see you and Mike at

the restaurant in a couple hours all

right great all right see you

byebye why did I have to say Mike I

don't know Mike why couldn't I

said there's no guys in

there so

welcome I got beer I got bottled breast

milk H why don't we start with the beer

okay

so um Phoebe tells me you uh you play

piano yeah you know I I used to uh play

keyboards in college H do you have one

here

no okay

um uh you know I'm

divorced um Phoebe Phoebe says you

you've been divorced

yeah yeah I'm I'm sorry I don't I don't

really like to talk about

it that's okay well we'll talk about

something else

so you're a a paleontologist right yeah

my cousin's a paleontologist

huh well he and I would probably have a

lot to talk about hey hey I was just

going to get something to eat you want

something what you

got okay let's see we got strain peas

strained carrots ooh strained plums we

haven't tried that yet good

thanks so how is it living with Rachel

again I mean apart from the great

food I'm fine I'm fine it's just it's

just weird what's happening with her and

Ross you know yesterday he asked me to

fix them up with somebody oh my God

Rachel asked me if I knew anyone for her

too why are they doing this I don't know

they so perfect for each other it's

crazy you know what's crazy these jars

what is it like two bites in here

I just wish they'd realize they should

be together I know I know and when they

move back in together I figure you know

that's where things were had it I know

they should be a family they should get

married and have more children yes and

they should name one of their kids

Joey hey well I may not have kids

someone's going to carry on the family

name all I ever wanted was to just love

him and have him love me back I mean am

I so

unlovable wow I

[Applause]

know thank you so much for letting me do

this public bathrooms freak me out I

can't even pee let alone do anything

else but what's great is you don't mind

talking about

it so amazing that I met you on the same

day that Eric broke up with me cuz it's

like you lose a boyfriend and you get a

boyfriend

uh-huh no no no don't worry this is not

some re B thing I am totally over

Eric

pH good choice for

us I don't I don't know what's going to

happen with Stevie and David I do want a

hint

huh I

do I

do okay I'm sensing this is some kind of

word play because you are pink with

barely controlled

David's going to propose to Phoebe

what

why because we were talking about ways

that he could beat Mike and I told him

that Phoebe wanted to get married tler

we have talked about this you are not

supposed to give people

advice now couldn't you have made some

sort of inappropriate joke I did a penis

one just so I know what was so wrong

about what I said they've only been

going out for a few weeks Phoebe is

completely hung up on Mike she'll say no

David's heart will be broken it'll be

too hard for them to recover from and

then febe will end up alone

again man that's some bad advice well I

should be involved in that so why don't

you get me up to spe that's going to

take weeks why don't you just let me

take care of the presentation oh no no

no no I see what you're doing here all

right listen this is my job buddy okay

I've had it for 5 years and I know how

it works so why don't you just catch me

up fine

oh God I totally messed with the back

support on my chair how do you fix this

hey you've been here 5 years you figure

it out fine I

will all right fill me

in when you get home tomorrow night you

and I are going to be at the Wizards

Nicks game Courtside court side oh my

God yeah maybe Michael Jordan Will dive

for the ball and break my jaw with his

knee that is so cool I'll let Monica

know hello Joey just called he's got

Courtside Nicks tickets for him and me

tomorrow night really but tomorrow

night's the only night I get off from

the restaurant if you go to the game

then we won't have a night together for

a another week but how's Courtside the

cheerleaders are going to be right

in that's not the way to convince

you tayor look I don't want to be one of

those wives that says you can't go to

the game you have to spend time with me

so if you you could just realize it on

your

own I I know you're right I want to see

you

too I just got to figure out a way to

tell Joey you know he's really looking

forward to this tell him that you

haven't seen your wife in a long time

tell him that having a longdistance

relationship is really difficult tell

him that what little time we have

together is is

precious I'll think of

something I need you to set me up for a

joke later when Monica's around I need

you to ask me about fir trucks

I I don't know Chan I'm not so good with

remembering

lines well thank God your livelihood

doesn't depend on I know

right why why why why are we doing this

Monica says that her matri D is the

funniest guy she's ever met seriously

she actually said that yes am I crazy to

be this upset no being funny is your

thing yeah without that you just got

lame with women yeah

hi there you are fire

trucks hi Hey listen I wanted to ask you

something about marriage oh great now

you're seeking me out to make jokes I

mean I can see if we're all hanging out

but to come to my home no oh I really

want to know how you feel about it why

Mike doesn't ever want to get

married never

never wow well you still going to move

in with him well I want to but I just

wanted you to tell me that marriage

really isn't that big a deal you know

that I won't I won't be missing out on

anything that marriage

stinks yeah marage

stinks I mean if you want to see a man

gain weight and a woman Stop Shaving get

him

married that's not how you really feel

is it no I'm

sorry look I I know it's not what you

want to hear right now but I can't help

it I I love marriage see seriously you

divorce if you have to call me a name I

prefer Ross the divorcer it's just

cooler look look I know my marriages

didn't exactly work out but you know I I

loved being that committed to another

person and Carol and I had some good

times before she became a lesbian and

once

afterward anyway I'm I'm

sorry it's okay that's how you feel

but come on I mean living together will

be great I mean you guys have so much

fun and you love Mike I do love Mike

yeah see and you were so excited about

moving in together before and you know

what you should be it's a big

deal yeah I guess you're

right yeah thanks this helped thanks the

divorcer to the

rescue it's not cooler yeah I just heard

it everybody has ordered I would like to

start the celebration and make a

toast to

Phoebe she dropped your sock a

what no Emma dropped her sock Mom's here

I wanted to have lunch with her today

she told me she was out of

town she still has not noticed that the

baby sock is on the ground it's a good

toast will you please get her attention

oh Mommy

oh for God's sake Judy pick up the sock

pick up the sock pick up the

sock I'm sorry was that rude Ross I'm so

glad someone's here could you zip me

up sure thank you can you believe no one

between my apartment and here offered to

do that for me

people so uh why you so dressed up oh um

Mike's picking me up for a date oh yeah

now how's that going is it getting

serious I don't know I don't know I mean

you know I like him but you know am I

ready to take my grade A loins off the

meat market I'm not quite

sure you know I I really admire your

your whole dating attitude it's so

healthy I'm always he like is this

moving tooo fast is this moving too slow

where where is this going yeah I know

you are a bit of a drama

queen well you you're so much better off

you know you just go from guy to Guy

having fun and not worrying that it

never turns into anything

serious I would say

never you know there was that

guy okay well what

about okay well there's got to be

someone there isn't that's what I'm

saying

oh my God you're right I know and yet

here you are all ready for the next

date I can't believe I never realized

this before I'm in my 30s and I've never

been in a long-term

relationship oh my God what's wrong with

me no no no

no I'm there's there's nothing wrong

with you I mean you don't strike me as

the type of person that wants to get

married anyway I want to get

married God please please don't cry

because of me I I don't know what I'm

talking about okay I've been divorced

three times yeah well at least you've

been married oh my God I want to trade

lives with

Ross owe you an apology for what well

when we first met you know I thought you

were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious

is this your first

apology no I just mean that you know

first impressions don't mean anything

and I I I think you're a really good guy

and I'm sorry that I misjudged you good

morning you know what hey new day new

Leaf I am just really really

happy I'm sorry obviously Heather's ass

has something more important to say so

I'll just wait till it's

finished what I was giving you an

apology and you were totally checking

her out I wasn't checking her out I'm in

fashion I was looking at her skirt

or was it pants I didn't really see what

happened below the ass

area oh well you are really you're

really a creep what do you even care if

I was looking at her are you jealous oh

yeah I'm jealous oh Gavin please please

look at my

ass stop looking at my

ass I mean I just think you are totally

inappropriate okay this is a work

environment she's your subordinate but

it was okay when you slept with your old

assistant

tag that is totally different for two

reasons

one I didn't know that you knew

that and

two I wasn't some creep staring at his

ass we had a we had a deep meaningful

relationship huh what was Tag's last

name it

was oh my

God he he did he he didn't have have a

last name I got a job in

advertising honey that's incredible gosh

what's the pay

like oh come on

people come on now if I don't know who

makes the most how do I know who I like

the most hi

Joey well actually it pays nothing it's

an internship oh that's cool we have

interns at Days of Our Lives right so

it'll be the same except less sex with

you

so uh what kind of stuff do you think

they'll have you do there well it's a

training program but at the end they

hire the people they like that's great

yeah I mean there's probably going to be

some grunt work which will probably

stink you know grown man getting people

coffee is a little

humiliating humiliating and

Noble thank

you you know if if I don't already have

a job I I think I would have been really

good in advertising Ross you did not

come up with got milk yes I did I

did I should have written it

down rich I promise first thing tomorrow

we'll find another doctor but I got to

get up early and I'm not feeling all

that well what where what what when

you're not feeling well what do you have

is it reubel because Don't Go Near Emma

she has not had that

shot you know come to think of it it it

does feel rubella like

[Music]

weer Wier weer weener

Rachel right now he's going to know it

was me excited I just set Rachel up with

the worst guy tonight all right who is

he well it's this guy used to massage

and by massage I mean hold down so he

wouldn't turn over and Flash

me okay C why do you hear who I got for

Ross oh yeah okay she's this really

boring woman she's a

teacher a teacher yeah yeah she's really

into history and foreign movies oh oh

and she loves puzzles huh come on who

loves

puzzles well Ross

does you you're ruining the plan Joey

you you you fixed him up with his

perfect woman oh my God you're right

yeah she even reads for

pleasure so all right which dress

you can say neither oh God neither

neither I'm sorry honey we're going to

take you shopping it's going to be fine

yeah totally you are in such good hands

and I'm so good with meeting parents

with the father you know you want to

flirt a little bit but not in a gross

way just kind of like Oh Mr pencer I can

see where Wallace gets his good looks

you went out with Wallace pincer oh he

took the SATs for

me I knew you didn't get a

1400 well

duh so now what about with Mike's mom oh

well with the mother just just

constantly tell her how amazing her son

is take it from me moms love me Ross's

mom one time actually said I am like the

daughter that she never

had she said what that she's like the

daughter she never

had so you're up for Kino speaker yeah

who's making the decision professor

Sherman yeah meeting with him today know

he's a pretty tough guy to impress yeah

well I think I know how to Dazzle him oh

you're not going to do a magic trick are

you

no the data we're receiving from MRI

scans and DNA testing of these fossils

are are staggering mhm I mean we've been

accepting dates as as a given but if

they're off by even a 100,000 years or

so then you can you can just throw most

of our assumptions you know right in the

trash so so what I'm saying is

is is

that is that uh

repercussions could could be huge I mean

not just in in paleontology but if you

think about it in in evolutionary

biology uh genetics uh geology I mean

truly the the Mind

boggles well that's not what you

[Music]

want lello Joey hey I need to talk to

Charlie is she there no she uh she went

shopping with Rachel why what's up well

I'm meeting with Professor Sherman about

my being the keynote speaker oh how's it

going it could be

better he um he fell asleep what but I

already bought my ticket to

Bermuda Barbados fine I'll rent the car

and

drive Ross you have to get that job what

am I supposed to do he's out cold in

fact he was just talking in his sleep

before and evidently he wants someone

named Fran to spank him

harder well just wake him up I can't if

he really realizes that I'm the one and

put him to sleep I won't get the job ooh

that's a tough one oh wait a minute this

happened to me before yeah I was

auditioning for a play and the producer

fell asleep I no wait a minute it was me

who fell

asleep yeah I mean hey Shakespeare how

about a chase scene once in a while

[Music]

w

oh my God you really want me to be the

keynote

speaker thank

you you're welcome

[Music]

Key Grammar Structures

• how could he leave me

  ➔ Past Simple (Interrogative)

  ➔ The phrase uses the past simple tense in an interrogative form to express a past action with a sense of disbelief or surprise.

• I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning

  ➔ Present Continuous (with 'be' verb)

  ➔ The sentence uses the present continuous tense with the verb 'be' to indicate an action that is currently in progress or planned in the near future.

• well you're not going to get one cuz in life there are no intermissions

  ➔ Present Simple (Negative Contraction)

  ➔ The sentence uses a negative contraction in the present simple tense to state a general truth or habitual fact.

• how is everything sir excellent the Shrew in particular was Exquisite

  ➔ Past Simple (with Adjective)

  ➔ The sentence uses the past simple tense with an adjective to describe a past state or quality.

• happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Joey

  ➔ Present Simple (Imperative)

  ➔ The phrase uses the present simple tense in an imperative form to give a command or make a request.

• oh well you can't show Phoebe this she hates those corporate massage chains

  ➔ Present Simple (Negative)

  ➔ The sentence uses the present simple tense in a negative form to express a general truth or habitual fact.

• I feel really strongly about this Rachel please don't use this gift certificate

  ➔ Present Simple (with Adverb)

  ➔ The sentence uses the present simple tense with an adverb to emphasize the intensity of the feeling.

• I'm asking you as a friend

  ➔ Present Continuous (with 'be' verb)

  ➔ The sentence uses the present continuous tense with the verb 'be' to indicate an action that is happening at the moment of speaking.

• I love you

  ➔ Present Simple (Declarative)

  ➔ The sentence uses the present simple tense in a declarative form to state a fact or express a feeling.

• good morning Phoebe

  ➔ Present Simple (Greeting)

  ➔ The phrase uses the present simple tense in a greeting form to initiate a conversation or acknowledge someone's presence.