– English Lyrics

Lyrics & Translation

[English]

Guys, there's uh somebody I'd like you

to meet.

>> Wait, wait. What is that?

>> That would be Marcel. You want to say

hi?

>> No. No, I don't.

>> Oh, he is precious. Where did you get

him?

>> My friend Bethl rescued him from some

lab.

>> That is so cruel. Why? Why would a

parent name their child Bethl?

[laughter]

Hey, that monkeyy's got a Ross on his

ass.

>> Ros, is he going to live with you like

in your apartment?

>> Yeah. I mean, it's been kind of quiet

since Carol left. So,

>> why don't you just get a roommate?

>> Uh, I don't know. I think you reach a

certain age. having a roommate is just

kind of pathetic.

Uh, sorry, that's that's pathetive.

>> Oh my gosh, Rachel, my Are you okay?

Where's Paulo?

>> Rome jerk missed his flight and then

your face exploded.

>> No.

Okay, I was at the airport getting into

a cab when this woman, this blonde

planet with a pocketbook, [laughter]

starts yelling at me something about how

it was her cab first and then the next

thing I know, she's just starts starts

pulling ME OUT BY MY HAIR, YOU KNOW, AND

then blowing my attack whistle thingy

and and then THREE MORE CAMS SHOW UP.

As I'm going to get into a cab, SHE

TACKLES ME AND I PUT MY HEAD on the curb

and cut my lip on my whistles.

[laughter]

Everybody having fun at the party?

[laughter]

>> Are people eating my dip?

>> Hi.

>> Hi, I'm Sandy.

>> Sandy. Hi. Come on in.

>> [laughter]

>> You brought your kids.

>> Yeah, that's okay. Right.

>> You know, when I saw you at the store

last week, it was probably the first

time I ever mentally undressed an elf.

>> Wow. That's uh dirty.

>> Yeah.

Hey kids,

>> we're in a virtual snowstorm [cheering]

of confetti here in Time Square. It gets

bigger and better.

>> Go kids.

And then the peacock bit me. [laughter]

Please kiss me at midnight.

[laughter]

>> You seen Sandy? Uh, I don't know how to

tell you this, but uh, she's in Monica's

bedroom getting it on with Max, that

scientist geek.

>> Oh, look at that. I didn't know how to

tell you. [laughter]

>> Everybody, the ball is dropping.

>> What? [laughter]

>> The ball is dripping.

[laughter]

>> It'll be midnight.

>> And the moment of joy is upon us.

>> Looks like that nose date pack thing

worked out.

Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.

>> Not everybody's happy.

>> Hey, Bobby.

>> You know, I uh just thought I'd throw

this out here. I'm no math wiz, but I do

believe there are three girls and three

guys right here.

>> Mhm.

>> Oh, I don't feel like kissing anyone

tonight.

I can't kiss anyone. So, I'm kissing

everyone.

>> No, no, no. You can't kiss Ross. That's

your brother.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Well, perfect. Perfect. So, now

everybody's getting a kiss but me. All

right. Somebody kiss me.

>> SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S MIDNIGHT.

SOMEBODY GET SOMEBODY KISS ME. IT'S

MIDNIGHT. IT'S ONE GAME.

>> HEY. HEY.

>> HEY.

>> HEY. How much did you guys take the

super this year?

>> Yeah, we were going to give 50, but if

you guys gave more, we don't want to

look bad. Oh, actually this year we just

made him homemade cookies.

>> And 25 it is.

>> You gave him cookies.

>> Money is so impersonal.

>> Cookies says someone really cares.

>> All right, we're broke, but cookies do

say that.

>> I can see that. A plate of brownies once

told me a limmerick.

[laughter]

>> Pete, let me ask you something. Were

these uh funny brownies?

Not especially,

>> but you know what? I think they had pot

in them.

>> So, you guys, who else did you tip with

cookies?

>> Uh, the mailman. The super Oh, and the

newspaper delivery guy.

>> Oh my god.

>> What?

>> I don't think you're going to like this.

>> Oh gosh. Oh, there's a cookie smashed in

the sports section.

Oh, look. And he did my crossword

puzzle.

>> Yeah, but not very well. Unless 14

across Gershwin musical actually is Bite

Me, Bite Me, Bite Me, Bite Me.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hey, Re. I uh got you a little present.

>> I'll open it.

It's a Slinky.

Remember? Huh? For walks downstairs, a

loner impairs. Everyone knows it's

just a big spring. [laughter]

All right. You're still mad at me

because of the whole

>> horrible and degrading list of reasons

not to be with me?

>> How about from now on we just call it

the unfortunate incident?

[laughter]

>> Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your

place?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Go nuts. There we go.

>> Hey guys.

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> What's in the bag? M just some presents.

>> Come on, show us what you bought.

>> You know you want to.

>> Okay.

Okay. This is a picture frame from Ben

to my parents.

>> I got some uh hers and hers towels for

Susan and Carol.

>> And uh I got this blouse for mom.

>> Boss, that is gorgeous. Look at these

authentic fake medals. I

>> tell you, mom's going to be voted best

dressed at the Makeelieve Military

Academy.

>> Hey.

>> Hey. Hey.

>> Happy Christmas Eve. Eve. You

>> too.

>> Oh my god. Where did you get this?

>> Uh Macy's third floor home furnishings.

>> This is my father. This is a picture of

my dad.

>> Okay. This way is on. So, this is

off. [laughter]

>> Did you just break the radiator?

>> No. No. I was turning the knob and and

here it is.

>> Well, put it back.

>> It uh it won't go back.

>> Call the super here. Let me try.

>> Oh. Oh, that's right. I forgot about

your ability to fuse metal.

Hey, it's Funny's cousin. Not funny. Hi,

Mr. Triger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from

upstairs. Yes, somebody uh broke our

knob on the radiator, and it's really

hot in here.

Yes, it's it's hot enough to bake

cookies. [laughter]

Well, well, do you think we could have a

new one by 6?

What? No. No. Tuesday? We can't wait

until Tuesday. We're having a party

tonight.

>> Okay. Tip the man.

>> No. If he doesn't like our cookies, too

bad. I'm not going to be blackmailed.

Look, if worst comes to worse, it gets a

little warm. We'll call it a theme

party.

>> Hey, here's a theme. Come on in. Live

like bacon.

[laughter]

>> Hi. Welcome to our tropical Christmas

party. You put your coats and sweaters

and pants and shirts in the bedroom.

It's hard to tell because I'm sweating,

but I use exactly what the gel bottle

says. [laughter]

>> An amount about the size of a pee. How

How can that be too much?

>> Ice.

Ice. Ice squares. Anyone take a napkin?

All right.

>> Monica. Monica. Monica. Your guests are

turning into jerky. Okay. It's really

I'm definitely comfortable. Hey, hey,

hey, get in line, buddy. I was next.

>> And when you have a second later, I want

to show you why we don't just trap

spiders under coffee mugs and leave them

there.

[laughter]

>> I'm training to be better at a job that

I hate. My life officially sucks.

>> But Ra, wasn't it supposed to be a

temporary thing? I thought you wanted to

do fashion stuff.

>> Well, yeah. I'm still pursuing that.

How exactly are you pursuing that? You

know, other than sending out resumes

like uh what, two years ago?

>> Well, I'm also sending out

good thoughts.

>> If you ask me, as long as you got this

job, you got nothing pushing you to get

another one. You need the fear.

>> The fear.

>> He's right. If you quit this job, you

then have motivation to go after a job

you really want. Well, then how come

you're still at a job that you hate? I

mean, why don't you quit and get the

fear? [laughter]

>> Because I'm too afraid.

>> I don't know. I mean, I would give

anything to work for a designer, you

know, or a buyer.

I just don't want to be 30 and still

work here.

>> Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28

and still working here. [laughter]

>> Rachel.

>> Yeah.

>> Remind me to review with you which pot

is decap and which is regular.

>> [laughter]

>> Can't I just look at the handles on

them?

>> You would think.

[laughter]

>> Okay, fine. Gunther, you know what? I am

a terrible waitress. Do you know why I

am a terrible waitress? Because I don't

care. I don't care. I don't care which

pot is regular and which pot is decaf. I

don't care where the tray spot is. I

just don't care. This is not what I want

to do.

>> So, I don't think I should do it

anymore. I'm

>> going to give you my week's notice.

>> What?

>> Gunther. I quit.

>> Does this mean we're going to have to

start paying for coffee?

>> Hey.

>> Hey. What are you doing?

>> Well, I I thought a lot about what you

said and um I realized all right. Maybe

I was a little judgmental.

>> Yeah. Oh, but um

>> now Phoebe, remember, hey, they're just

fulfilling their Christmas

>> destiny. Sure.

>> Yes.

>> Okay.

Yikes. That one doesn't look very

fulfilled.

>> Oh, that's uh that's one of the old

ones. He's just taking it to the back.

>> You keep the old ones in the back.

>> That is so aegist.

>> But we have to make room for the fresh

ones.

>> So, what happens to the old guys? Well,

they go into the chipper.

>> Well, I have a feeling that's not as

happy as it sounds.

[laughter]

Hey, hey, hey.

>> Okay. And uh this one here is a Douglas

fur. Now, it's a little more money, but

you get a nicer smell.

[laughter]

>> Looks good. I'll take it.

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no.

You don't want that one. No, you can

have this cool brown one.

>> It It It's almost dead.

>> Okay, but that's why you have to buy it

so that it can fulfill its Christmas

destiny. Otherwise, they're going to

throw it into the chipper. Tell them,

Joey.

>> Yeah, the uh trees that don't fulfill

their Christmas destiny are thrown in

the chipper.

[laughter]

I

>> I think I'm going to look around a

little bit more.

Peeps, you got to stop doing this. I'm

working on commission here.

>> Hey guys, I'm here to pick out my

Christmas tree.

>> Well, look no further. This one's yours.

>> Is this the one that I threw out last

year?

>> All right. You know what? Never mind.

EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE A GREEN ONE.

SORRY. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get

so emotional. I guess it's just the

holidays are just hard.

>> Oh, honey. Is that cuz your mom died

around Christmas?

>> Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.

>> Oh,

[music]

huh. Seeing that drunk Santa wet himself

really perked up my Christmas.

[laughter]

Oh my god.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> You guys. Oh god, you're the best.

>> It's like Night of the Living Dead

Christmas tree.

>> Hello.

Yeah, this is she.

You're kidding. You're kidding. Oh,

thank you. I love you.

>> Sure. Everybody loves a kid. [laughter]

I got the job.

>> God bless us everyone.

>> Hey.

>> Hi.

>> Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

>> Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth.

>> 15? Your personal best. [laughter]

>> So, where were you?

>> Oh, on a date. Yeah. Yeah, I met this

girl on the train going to a museum

upstate.

>> Oh, yeah. How'd you meet her?

>> Museum.

>> No, answer his.

>> Okay. It was just me and her at the back

of the train and I sat near the doors so

she'd have to pass by me if she wanted

to like switch cars. She was totally at

my mercy.

>> Were you so late because you were

burying this woman?

>> Well, I'm getting back now because she

lives in Pikipsy. She seems really

great, but she's like 2 and 1/2 hours

away. Well, how can she be great if

she's from Pikipsy? [laughter]

>> Okay, that joke would have killed in

Albany. [laughter]

>> Done. I [snorts] did it. Huh? Who's

stupid now? Huh?

>> Hey, look at this. They're lighting the

big Christmas tree tonight.

>> Um, that paper's two weeks old.

>> All right. Who keeps leaving old

newspapers in the trash?

I really wanted to take Kathy to this. I

can't believe I missed it.

>> Hey, you know, at least you have

somebody to miss that stuff with. Hate

being alone this time of year. Next

thing you know, it'll be Valentine's

Day, then my birthday, then bang, before

you know it, they're lighting that damn

tree again.

I want somebody,

you know? I want a man.

[laughter]

I mean, it doesn't even have to be a big

relationship, you know. Just like a

fling would be great.

>> Really? I didn't think girls ever just

wanted a fling.

>> Well, let me tell you something. It's

been a long time since I've been flung.

>> Well, I know what I'm giving you for

Christmas.

[laughter]

>> You know what? There are some nice guys

at my office. You want me to set you up?

>> Yeah.

>> Wait a minute. It's been a long time

that I've been single. How come you've

never offered this before?

>> Well, I have a girlfriend. I'm I'm

happy.

So, I no longer feel the need to go out

of my way to stop others from being

happy.

[laughter]

>> Okay. No accountants. Oh, and no one

from like legal. I don't like guys with

boring jobs.

>> Oh, and Ross was like what? A lion

tamer.

>> That is not for y'all. [laughter]

>> What?

[laughter]

I made a bet with myself that you had

beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I

win.

>> What?

>> We're at my stop. But would you like to

have coffee?

>> Are we really in Montreal?

>> Yes, we are. So, coffee.

>> Coffee sounds great.

Wait, so so you live in Montreal?

>> Oh, no, but it's just a two-hour ferryy

ride to Nova Scotia.

>> Sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring

my friends all kinds of crap.

Said all you need is to write them a

song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so

don't try to sing along.

Don't sing along.

Monica,

Monica,

have a happy Hanukkah.

[laughter]

Saw Santa [singing] Claus. He said hello

to Ross.

[laughter]

And

Joey

Christmas will BE

RACHEL AND CHANDLER.

HAPPY holidays everybody.

>> What are you doing? I uh reorganized the

fridge. See uh bottom shelf meats and

dairy, middle shelf fruits and

vegetables,

and top shelf expired products.

[laughter]

>> Why are you doing this?

>> Because I am bored. Out of my mind. I've

already been to the bank, the post

office, and the dry cleaners.

>> Dude, you just described 7 days worth of

stuff. [laughter]

>> You got to spread it out a little, you

know. Haven't you ever been unemployed?

>> Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on

sbatical.

>> Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?

[laughter]

A guy in your position needs to be a

little better at relaxing, you know.

What? Why do you think we have the

comfortable chairs? Huh? Look, come

here. Sit down.

Ready? Watch.

AND THEN

>> So what? We just sit. Oh, no. No. We're

not going to just sit. Watch.

>> Hello, Chandler Bing.

>> Hello, Mr. Bing. [laughter]

I love you.

>> All right, whoever this is, stop calling

me. [laughter]

>> IT'S BEEN 6 MONTHS. IT'S NOT FUNNY.

BUT I LOVE YOU.

>> Leave me alone. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,

LEAVE ME ALONE. [laughter]

>> And that's Wednesday.

>> God. Okay, you guys. Here's Danny.

Watch. Just watch this.

See? Still pretending he's not

interested.

[laughter]

Okay, he's coming over. Just pretend

like we don't know him. We've forgotten

who he is.

>> Hey guys. HEY.

[laughter]

OH, DANNY.

OH,

>> DANNY, you know Rachel, you know, she

she's nice. She's not bad to look at,

right?

>> Thanks, Mom.

>> Of course.

>> Do you want to go out on a date with

her, Monica?

[clears throat]

>> AB:

>> Absolutely. Is Friday. Okay. [laughter]

>> Friday is perfect. She can't wait

>> on the date. I will be able to talk to

her directly, right? [laughter]

Super.

>> Okay. What the hell was that? You know

what? Don't answer me.

>> I have a date with Danny.

>> Hello and merry Christmas. Oh, thank

you, sir. Here's some joy.

>> Hey, want to see how it's going? Well,

it's going okay. Oh, good. Here, let me

help you out. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Wow.

Is that a new suede jacket? It looks

really expensive.

[laughter]

Yeah, I guess.

Just get your nails done.

>> Yes, baby. But this is all I have. Okay.

Okay. Thanks. Happy holidays. Here's

your joy. Thank you.

>> Thank you. Happy holidays. And wait, but

you can't take the money out.

>> I'm making change. I need change for the

bus.

>> But can't you leave the dollar? This

money's for the poor.

>> I'm poor. I got to take the bus.

>> Okay. Season's greetings and everything,

but still.

>> Bite me, Blondie.

>> Oh, I'm going to give him something

besides joy. Just

>> Oh, this is so good. You have got to try

it.

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> Oh. Damn, I got it on my pants.

>> Here, I'll get it.

[laughter]

>> We better take these off upstairs or

that stain's going to set.

>> Yeah, I want to wear these pants on our

date tonight.

>> Oh, great. [laughter]

>> Hey, bye.

>> Oh my god.

>> That was unbelievable. Okay, see, I told

you.

>> Yeah. Wow. Sorry, Ra.

>> I don't believe they're brother and

sister. They're brother and sister.

>> It's a typical New York City apartment.

Two girls are just hanging out.

>> Hi. How are you doing, Kelly?

>> I'm doing just fine. God, Tiffany, you

smell so great. [laughter]

>> It's my new perfume. Why don't you come

closer where you can really appreciate

it?

[laughter]

>> Oh, you know, Joey, you are sick. This

is disgusting. Naz.

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait. THE HANDSOME MAN

WAS ABOUT TO ENTER.

>> Let me ask you, why is everybody using

these tiny little lights nowadays? I

remember when people used to use big

lights.

>> That's a good story, Grandpa.

[laughter]

>> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Wow. Monica's letting other people help

decorate her tree. Did someone get her

drunk again?

>> [laughter]

>> Having a perfectly decorated tree is not

what Christmas is about. It's about

being with the people that you love.

>> That is nice. And we're done. Tada.

[laughter]

>> I don't know what it is. Just doesn't

quite feel like Christmas to me.

>> Oh, yes.

[cheering]

[laughter]

>> See, now it feels like Christmas.

>> We are looking for our Christmas

presents for Monica.

>> What? That's terrible. No, no, we do it

every year.

>> Oh, well that that makes it not

terrible.

>> No. Yeah, we never find them. She's

always best at us. That wy minkx.

[laughter]

>> Yeah, don't worry. We're just going to

search here for an hour and then we're

going to go over to Joey's and search.

Okay.

>> No, not okay. You can't look for

Monica's presents.

>> Oh, no. We have to.

>> No, you don't have to. And you can't

because I I live here, too.

>> Well, then you should look with us.

Why,

>> Chandler? Aren't you worried about what

to get Monica for Christmas?

>> No, I have a great idea for a present

for her.

>> Oh, that's it. A great idea, I guess.

>> Chandler, that's not enough. I mean,

what if she gets you a great present,

two medium presents, and then a bunch of

little presents, and you've just gotten

her one great present? I mean, that's

just going to make her feel bad. Why

would you do that to her, Chandler? Why?

Why?

>> If I helped, we could find them faster.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

OH. OH, WE HAVE A LIVE ONE. IT'S A

MACY'S BAG.

>> YEAH.

>> OH. OH. Who's it for?

[laughter]

>> Dear losers, do you really think I'd

hide presents under the couch?

[laughter]

>> P.S. Chandler. I knew they'd break you.

>> Uh-oh. She may be on to us.

>> I couldn't find anything in Jo. Why?

>> Yeah, we found them. They were in the

guest room closet behind some coats.

Yeah. And you have nothing to worry

about cuz they're all crap. [laughter]

>> Those are my gifts. I got those for you.

[laughter]

>> Oh, thanks, Chandler. They're great.

>> Well, Chandler, then what is this very

weird um metal a thing?

>> Those are bookends. That's a great gift.

>> Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Thank you for my

ass.

MAKE SURE YOU put all that stuff back in

the closet. Okay.

>> Yes. Okay. Oh, by the way, I just got to

say I think it's really nice of you that

even after you've moved, you still keep

storing that stuff for Joey.

[laughter]

>> Birds have a very good sense of

direction, and I thought maybe they

could help us find where the presents

are hidden. [laughter]

>> Yes, if the presents are hidden south

for the winter.

>> Or we could just follow your clever

jokes. Any ideas? No. Didn't think so.

Okay,

>> come on, guys. Show us where the

presents are.

>> Well, the duck seems to think that

Monica got me garbage. I wonder what I

can get Monica that's as good as

garbage.

>> H, how about my ass?

>> Hey,

this is hollow.

>> What?

>> This bench? It's hollow. I can't BELIEVE

I NEVER KNEW THAT.

PROFESSOR. OH, NO. DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY

AT THEM.

>> WHAT? [laughter]

>> All right. No, we could LOOK AT THEM.

>> OH, THIS ONE'S FOR ME.

>> OH. OH, THIS ONE'S for Chandler. HERE,

>> THE BIG ONE'S FOR ME.

>> OKAY, LET'S OPEN.

>> Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. We

can't do this.

>> Why?

>> I don't want to know what Monica got me,

you know? I mean, look, I'm sure she

worked really hard at getting me a

present and wanting to surprise me, and

you guys are going to ruin that. And

look, we have to put these back. This is

not what Christmas is about.

>> Whatever, Lionus. I'm opening mine.

[laughter]

>> Nobody is opening anything. Okay, look.

I don't know about you guys, but I want

to see the look on Monica's face when I

give her my present. And I'm sure she

wants to see the look on my face when I

get mine. So, please Please, can we just

can we put them back?

>> Will you get us better gifts? Fine.

[laughter]

>> Hey guys,

[laughter]

you found the presents. Chandler, you

let them find the presents. Great. Do

you know how long it took me to find you

that water purifier?

[laughter]

>> That's what you got me?

>> Oh, yes. I see what you mean. That look

is priceless.

Hey, what are you guys doing today?

>> Making holiday candy for the neighbors.

>> I'm sorry. Who?

>> I'm going to hang this basket on the

door and then when the neighbors walk

by, they can all take a piece.

>> But we don't know the neighbors.

>> I do. There's uh let's say guy with a

mustache,

smokes a lot lady,

kids I've seen, and a red-haired guy who

does not like to be called Rusty.

>> See, this is exactly why I'm making this

candy. We can learn their names and get

to know our neighbors.

>> Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?

>> Okay, now just remember everything I

taught you and you'll be fine. Okay,

here we go. Ready,

set. Wait, this seat is really

uncomfortable. Okay, maybe before we

start, we should just get another one.

Perhaps like an airplane seat or a bean

bag chair.

[laughter]

>> Baby, you can't get out of this. Okay,

you have to learn how to ride a bike.

>> Why? Why do I have to learn?

>> Well, in in case of an emergency.

>> What kind of emergency? Well, let what

if a man comes along and puts a gun to

your head and says, "You ride this bike

or I'll I'll shoot you."

>> Okay, I would ring the bell to distract

him and then I would knock the gun out

of his hand with a Chinese throwing

star.

>> Okay, Phoebe, just just get get on the

bike and hey, I'll hold you up and and

push you. Okay,

>> you won't let go.

No.

>> You swear.

>> I swear.

>> Okay.

>> Come on.

>> All right. Here we go.

>> All right.

>> All right.

>> All right. Feel good.

>> Well,

>> all right. Try pedaling. That's it.

You're doing great. You're doing great.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Take control. Yes.

>> Oh. Oh. Oh, no.

>> You score. I I just thought you were

doing so well.

>> It's shocked. Shocked. [laughter]

>> It's a legitimate learning technique.

[laughter]

Wow.

>> Oh, hello liar. [laughter]

>> Look, [snorts] I I'm I'm really sorry I

let go of the bike.

>> I could have been killed. I hope you

know.

>> [laughter]

>> I know. I know.

But can we please try it again? Huh? I

mean, you were so close, Phoebe.

>> Well, I would love to, but

the bike got stolen and the police have

no suspects.

[laughter]

>> Phoebe,

>> what? [bell]

[laughter]

>> What the hell?

All right. You know what? If you are not

going to learn how to ride this bike,

then I'm sorry. I'm just going to have

to take it back.

>> What? Why?

>> Because because it's it's

it would be like you having this guitar

and and never playing it. Okay. This

guitar wants to be played and and this

bike wants to be ridden and and if you

don't ride it, you're you

killing its spirit.

The bike

is dying.

All right, if you care enough to make up

that load of crap. Okay, [laughter]

>> great. Great.

You're making the bike very happy.

>> Okay, Ross.

[laughter]

>> Please don't talk.

>> I can't believe it. I did it. I rode a

bike. I never thought I'd be able to do

that. Thank you, Ross.

>> Oh, hey, don't thank me. Thank yourself.

You're the one who faced your fears and

ultimately overcame them.

>> Don't be so corny, Ross. It's not an

after school special.

[bell]

>> Bye.

I just got us reservations at Michelle's

and tickets to The Music Man to

celebrate our first holiday season as a

betrothed couple.

>> Bet.

>> Betrod couple.

>> Hey.

>> Ah. Oh,

[laughter]

>> babe.

>> Skull.

>> Oh, yeah. IT'S MY MOM'S.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> NO, NO, NO. It's not. It's not my mom.

It belonged to my mom.

>> Yeah. No, she used to put it out every

Christmas to remind us that even though

it's Christmas, people still die.

And you can put candy in it. [laughter]

Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Hey. Licorice.

>> Sure.

>> Hey. I just found out I get Ben for the

holidays this year.

>> Oh, that's great.

>> Are you going to dress up as Santa?

>> Nope. I mean, I know Susan does every

year, but I think I want to take this

year to teach him all about Hanukkah.

>> And maybe I could teach Ben about the

Christmas skull and how people die.

>> You may need to use this year to teach

Ben about Phoebe.

Hello, sir. You here to return those

pants? [laughter]

>> No, these are my pants.

>> Oh, okay.

[laughter] How can I help you?

>> Well, um, do you have a Santa outfit

left

>> two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.

>> Okay. Look, do do you have anything uh

Christmy? I promised my son, and I I

really don't want to disappoint him. Um,

come on. I got to have something.

I'm the holiday armadillo.

[laughter]

I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me

here to wish you a merry Christmas.

>> What happened to Santa? Holiday

armadillo.

>> Santa was unavailable. So close to

Christmas.

>> [laughter]

>> Oh, well, come in. Have a seat. You must

be exhausted coming all the way from

Texas.

[laughter]

>> Texas.

>> That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's

representative for all the southern

states

and Mexico.

[laughter]

But Santa sent me here to give you these

presents. Ben, maybe the lady will help

me with these presents. [laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

>> Wow. Thanks.

>> You're welcome, Ben. Merry Christmas

and happy Hanukkah.

>> [laughter]

>> ARE YOU FOR HANUKKAH, TOO? Because I'm

part Jewish.

>> You are. Me, too. [laughter]

>> Because armadillos also wandered in the

desert.

>> Or was that that little bit of oil that

should have lasted just one day, burned

for

>> eight whole days?

>> That's right. And that's why we

celebrate Hanukkah today. The end.

>> Awesome.

>> Yeah.

My favorite part was when Superman flew

all the Jews out of Egypt.

[laughter]

The armadillo was actually not so

thrilled about that part. [laughter]

Okay, Ben, it's time to light the

Hanukkah candles.

[laughter]

Hey. Oh, wow. Looks like the Easter

Bunny's funeral in here.

>> Come on. Come on. We're We're lighting

the candles. Come on.

>> Oh,

I understand why Superman is here, but

why is there a porcupine at the Easter

Bunny's funeral? That's not someone that

I would would be attracted to, but right

now with the way I'm feeling, all I want

to do is rip off his sweatpants and

fanny pack.

>> Wait a second. This is about the fourth

month of your pregnancy, right?

>> Yeah. This is completely normal. Around

the fourth month, your hormones start

going crazy.

>> Really? So, this has happened to you?

>> Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Oh, and keep in

mind now, I was carrying triplets. So,

you know, in medical terms, I was I was

thrice as Randy.

>> Wow. This explains so much. Last

weekend, I went from store to store

sitting on Santa's laps. [laughter]

>> Yeah. Yeah. I remember trying to steal a

cardboard cutout of a Vander Holyfield

from a Foot Locker.

>> Yeah.

Well, you know what? I go see my doctor

tomorrow. I'll ask her about this. Maybe

she can give me a pill or something.

>> Yeah. Yeah. That's what you need. A good

pill.

Okay. Okay. Here's a good one of us.

>> Wow, that is a good one. Wow. It looks

like a like a holiday card, you know,

with the tree in the middle and the the

skaters and the snow.

>> You know, every year I say I'm going to

send out holiday cards and I never do

it. Do you want to Do you want to send

this one out together?

[laughter]

>> Together? Like to to people?

>> Yeah. You know, happy holidays from Mona

and Ross. It'll be cute. Okay.

Okay. [laughter]

>> Oh, I got to get to work, so call me

later.

>> Oh, sure. Sure.

>> Bye, guys.

>> Bye.

>> Congratulations. You just got married.

[laughter]

>> No. Can you believe that?

>> Wait, I'm I'm sorry. What's the big deal

about a holiday card?

>> Married couples send out cards. Families

send out cards. People who've been

dating for a couple of months do not

send out cards. What? What? Is she

crazy?

>> Hey, hey, hey. That's your wife you're

talking about.

>> Honey, I'm home

>> from the tequila factory.

>> It was awful to get out of going to

dinner with Doug. I told him that you

and I split up. So then he took me to

all these strip clubs and sleazy bars.

And then when I wouldn't give my wedding

ring, he threw a soda can at a bird.

[laughter]

>> I could breathe through my mouth.

>> You know what the worst part was? I got

to see what my life would be like

without you.

You know, it was like uh It's a

Wonderful Life with lap dances.

[laughter]

>> Please promise me that you will never

leave me, that we will grow old together

and be with each other for the rest of

our lives.

>> I promise.

>> Hey, speaking of together, how about we

send out a holiday card this year?

>> Oh, I I don't know if we're there yet.

>> Sorry, honey. I'm just having a having a

rough day.

>> Oh, what's wrong? Oh, you really you

really just don't want to hear about it.

>> Then why did I ask?

>> Okay. It's just I mean, this is really

embarrassing, but lately with this whole

pregnancy thing, I'm just finding

myself,

how do I put this? Um,

erotically charged.

>> Is that college talk for horny?

[laughter]

>> Yeah.

So, you know, I have all of these

feelings and I don't know what to do

about them because I can't date like a

normal person, which is fine because I

don't need a relationship. I mean, all I

really want is one great night, just

sex, you know, no strings attached, no

relationship, just with someone that I

feel comfortable with and who knows what

he's doing for just one great night. I

mean, is that really so hard

to find?

>> [laughter]

>> So, how how was your day?

>> It's been good. I uh I saw a pretty big

pigeon.

[laughter]

>> Well, I got to get up early and it's

almost 7:00. So,

>> I got I got to go to my room, too. Good

night. Good night. [laughter]

>> I CAN'T DO IT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO

[laughter] IT.

>> You're Rachel.

>> YOU'RE JOEY.

>> YOU'RE MY FRIEND. IT'S

>> RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

>> YEAH. [laughter]

>> PLUS, it would be wrong and weird and

and and and bad.

>> It's so bad. But I don't even know what

you're talking about because I didn't

ask you to do anything.

>> I know.

>> You want to do it?

>> No.

>> Me neither. I'M JUST TESTING YOU. HEY,

WELL THAT'S THE END OF THIS

CONVERSATION.

>> THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.

>> HAPPENED.

>> GOOD NIGHT.

>> Get back in there.

>> He sprained to his sleigh. To his team

gave a whistle and away they all flew

like the down of a thistle. But I heard

him exclaim he drove out of sight. Merry

Christmas to all and to all a good

night.

[laughter]

>> Wow,

that was great.

>> You really wrote that? [laughter]

>> Uh-huh.

>> Say goodbye, elves. I'm off to Tulsa.

>> I can't believe you're not going to be

here for Christmas.

>> You're really not coming back?

>> Yeah, we have all this paperwork that

needs to be filed by the end of the

year. If I don't get it done, I'll be

fired.

>> Just It's so unfair. You don't even like

your job.

>> So, who does?

>> Oh, I like my job. I can't wait to go

back to work.

>> I can't get enough dinosaurs. [laughter]

>> I'm sorry. I won't be here.

>> Just It's hard enough not seeing you

during the week, but for Christmas. And

what? This is what you have to do. I

understand.

>> Thanks.

I'll see you New Year's Day.

>> You're not going to be here New Year's

Eve?

Did I not mention that?

>> No.

>> And to all a good night.

>> Chandler Bing.

>> Hi honey. We're all here. We just want

to wish you a merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas.

[laughter]

>> A merry Christmas. I miss you guys.

>> So is it horrible? Is everybody working

really hard?

>> Uh well, no. It's just uh me and Wendy.

>> Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.

[laughter]

>> It is. Did I not tell you about her?

>> Mhm. Mhm. About the time you told me

about New Year's Eve. Where's everybody

else?

>> I sent them home.

>> Oh, you are such a good boss. Is she

pretty?

>> Uh uh. Answer faster. Answer faster.

>> I don't know.

>> Answer better. Answer better.

>> I don't think of her that way, you know.

I She's a uh she's a colleague.

>> What does she do there?

>> Oh, she's regional vice president. She's

just below me.

>> She did what? [laughter]

>> Below me.

>> Oh, wait. Is Wendy the runner-up Miss

Oklahoma?

>> What? [laughter]

>> Well, she she didn't win.

>> All right. Well, maybe I should let you

and the second prettiest girl in

Oklahoma get back to work.

>> Well, second prettiest that year. I

mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma,

she's probably

>> Oh, Chandler, stop talking. [laughter]

>> Honey, there's really nothing to worry

about.

>> Okay,

>> I'm serious.

>> Okay.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas.

>> Merry Christmas, you guys.

>> Merry Christmas.

[laughter]

[snorts]

>> The wife says, "Hi."

>> Ah, fun conversation. Oh, well, she's

just got this weird idea that uh you

know, just because you and I are alone

that something's going to happen.

>> Huh? Really?

That be so terrible?

>> This is probably the wrong thing to be

worrying about, but you're getting ham

on my only tie.

>> Hey.

>> Oh my god. Hey.

>> A

>> Hey,

that's a Christmas miracle. [laughter]

>> What are you doing here?

>> I wanted to be with you. I missed you so

much. Hey. Hey. Uh, who'd you miss the

most?

>> Monica.

Gotcha.

[laughter]

>> I never want to leave you again.

>> But I thought if you left, you'd get

fired.

>> Turns out they can't fire me.

Because I quit.

>> What?

>> What? You You really quit your job?

>> Yeah, it was a stupid job and I could

not stand leaving you. And why should I

be the only one who doesn't get to do

what he really wants to do? Well,

>> what do you really want to do?

>> I have not thought this through.

[laughter]

>> Oh my god.

>> I know. I I should have talked to you

first about it.

>> No, I think that this is what you want

to do. I think it's great.

Thanks,

>> Chandler.

>> Your being here is the best Christmas

present I could have ever imagined. A

>> Now give me my real gift.

Key Vocabulary

Vocabulary	Meanings
roommate /ˈruːm.meɪt/ B1	noun - a person who shares a room or apartment with another
pathetic /pəˈθetɪk/ B2	adjective - causing pity; weak or inadequate
precious /ˈpreʃ.əs/ B2	adjective - of great value; cherished
cruel /ˈkruːəl/ B2	adjective - causing suffering or pain; heartlessly harsh
cab /kæb/ A2	noun - a taxi; a vehicle for hire
whistle /ˈwɪs.əl/ B1	noun - a small instrument that makes a high‑pitched sound when blown
candle /ˈkæn.dəl/ A2	noun - a stick of wax with a wick that gives light when lit
gift /ɡɪft/ A1	noun - something given voluntarily without payment
holiday /ˈhɒl.ɪ.deɪ/ A2	noun - a day of festivity or a period of vacation
Christmas /ˈkrɪs.məs/ B1	noun - the Christian festival celebrating the birth of Jesus, observed on December 25
pregnancy /ˈprɛɡ.nən.si/ B2	noun - the condition of carrying a developing embryo or fetus within the body
hormones /ˈhɔːr.moʊnz/ B2	noun - chemical substances produced by the body that regulate physiological activities
emergency /ɪˈmɜːr.dʒən.si/ B1	noun - a serious, unexpected situation requiring immediate action
limerick /ˈlɪm.ər.ɪk/ C1	noun - a short, humorous five‑line poem with a fixed rhyme scheme (AABBA)
slinky /ˈslɪŋ.ki/ B2	noun - a flexible metal coil toy that walks down stairs by itself
impersonal /ɪmˈpɜː.sən.əl/ C1	adjective - not relating to, or affecting, a particular person; detached
degrading /dɪˈɡreɪ.dɪŋ/ C1	adjective - humiliating; causing loss of dignity
super /ˈsuːpər/ A2	noun - colloquial term for a building’s manager or superintendent

Key Grammar Structures

• Hey, that monkeyy's got a Ross on his ass.

  ➔ Idiomatic expression/Slang, possessive 's

  ➔ This line uses a highly informal and humorous idiom. The possessive 's indicates that Ross's name is being used in a playful, slang way to describe something on the monkey.

• Why don't you just get a roommate?

  ➔ Tag question, modal verb 'don't', suggestion

  ➔ This is a rhetorical question functioning as a suggestion. The 'don't' is a modal verb used to soften the suggestion and make it less direct. The tag question invites agreement or consideration.

• I don't know. I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is just kind of pathetic.

  ➔ Gerund as subject ('having'), adjective order ('kind of pathetic'), conditional statement

  ➔ The sentence uses 'having a roommate' as a gerund phrase functioning as the subject of the clause. 'Kind of pathetic' demonstrates a common adjective order where 'kind of' acts as a qualifier. The overall statement expresses a subjective opinion about the social acceptability of roommates at a certain age.