I mean, my mom never thought this would
00:00
00:03
work out.
00:03
00:05
She was all once a cheater, always a
00:05
00:07
cheater. [laughter]
00:07
00:10
>> Mhm. Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost
00:10
00:14
those four months.
00:14
00:16
But if time was what you needed just to
00:16
00:18
gain a little perspective,
00:18
00:23
>> we were on a break.
00:23
00:27
>> Coffee house. You bet. [laughter]
00:27
00:29
>> And for the record, it took two people
00:29
00:32
to break up this relationship.
00:32
00:34
>> Yeah. You and that girl from the copy
00:34
00:36
place, which yesterday you took full
00:36
00:38
responsibility for.
00:38
00:39
>> I didn't know what I was taking
00:39
00:40
responsibility for. Okay. I didn't
00:40
00:42
finish the whole letter.
00:42
00:44
>> What?
00:44
00:44
>> I fell asleep.
00:44
00:46
>> You fell asleep? [laughter]
00:46
00:49
>> It was 5:30 in the morning and you had
00:49
00:53
rambled on for 18 pages.
00:53
00:58
>> [laughter]
00:58
00:59
>> FRONT AND BACK.
00:59
01:02
OH, and by the way, y u apostrophe r e
01:02
01:06
means you are. Y r MEANS YOU'RE
01:06
01:10
[laughter]
01:10
01:10
>> KNOW. I can't believe I even thought of
01:10
01:12
getting BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. WE ARE
01:12
01:14
so over.
01:14
01:17
>> Fine by me.
01:17
01:20
>> Oh. Oh, and hey, HEY, HEY. THOSE LITTLE
01:20
01:22
SPELLING TIPS WILL COME IN HANDY WHEN
01:22
01:23
YOU'RE AT HOME on Saturday nights
01:23
01:24
playing SCRABBLE WITH MONICA. HEY,
01:24
01:27
>> SORRY.
01:27
01:29
[laughter]
01:29
01:29
>> I just feel bad about all that sleep
01:29
01:31
you're going to miss. Wishing you were
01:31
01:32
with me.
01:32
01:33
>> Oh, no. No. Don't you worry about me
01:33
01:34
falling asleep. I STILL HAVE YOUR
01:34
01:37
LETTER.
01:37
01:39
>> HEY, DUDE. Some guy just called for you.
01:39
01:42
>> Who was it?
01:42
01:43
>> I don't know. How about thanks for
01:43
01:45
taking the message. Jesus.
01:45
01:48
[laughter]
01:48
01:48
>> Hey, listen. You know when you move in,
01:48
01:51
Rachel's room's going to be empty. You
01:51
01:52
want to talk about what we want to do
01:52
01:53
with it?
01:53
01:54
>> Sure. Okay, I was thinking we should
01:54
01:56
have a beautiful guest room, right, with
01:56
01:58
um a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside
01:58
02:00
tables with flowers on it all the time.
02:00
02:02
And then we can have like a roll top
02:02
02:03
desk with little comment card so people
02:03
02:05
can tell us how much they love staying
02:05
02:06
here.
02:06
02:09
>> Hey, whatever. You know, I really
02:09
02:10
haven't thought about it that much.
02:10
02:12
>> Well, I like that idea obviously,
02:12
02:14
[laughter]
02:14
02:15
but I was thinking maybe maybe it could
02:15
02:17
be a game room, you know? I mean, you
02:18
02:20
can buy old arcade games like uh like
02:20
02:22
Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200.
02:22
02:25
The real ones. The big big big ones.
02:25
02:29
>> No.
02:29
02:32
>> Okay. So, you mean no as in G Chandler?
02:32
02:34
What an interesting idea. Let's discuss
02:34
02:36
it before we reject it completely.
02:36
02:38
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
02:38
02:42
Yes. Interesting idea. Um, talk about
02:42
02:44
it. But no.
02:44
02:47
>> So, that's it. Well, I just don't think
02:47
02:49
that, you know, arcade games go in the
02:49
02:51
beautiful guest room. The beautiful
02:51
02:53
guest room is going to be filled with
02:53
02:54
antiques,
02:54
02:54
>> which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's
02:54
02:56
the oldest game.
02:56
03:00
>> What do you have against the beautiful
03:00
03:01
guest room?
03:01
03:02
>> Nothing. I don't have anything against
03:02
03:03
the beautiful guest room, especially
03:03
03:04
since everybody that we know lives about
03:04
03:07
30 seconds away. [laughter]
03:07
03:09
>> Are you mocking me?
03:09
03:11
>> No, I'm not mocking you or your
03:11
03:12
beautiful game. [laughter]
03:12
03:18
Hey, what's up?
03:18
03:21
>> Nothing. Monica and I had a stupid
03:21
03:22
fight.
03:22
03:23
>> But you're still moving in together,
03:23
03:24
right? Cuz my ad came out today.
03:24
03:27
>> Wanted female roommate, non-smoker, non
03:27
03:30
ugly.
03:30
03:32
>> So, come on, explain yourself, Geller.
03:32
03:36
First, you get my Rachel pregnant.
03:36
03:38
>> You got Rachel pregnant?
03:38
03:39
>> WHO DID?
03:39
03:40
>> YOU DID?
03:40
03:41
>> YES.
03:41
03:43
>> YES. YES, I did. But but it was it was
03:43
03:45
just a one night thing. It meant
03:45
03:46
nothing.
03:46
03:47
>> Oh, really? That's what my daughter
03:47
03:50
means to you? Nothing?
03:50
03:51
>> No, no, sir. Um, she means a lot to me.
03:51
03:53
I mean, I I care I I love Rachel. What?
03:53
03:56
Oh, but not in that way. I mean I mean
03:56
03:58
I'm not in love with her. I love her
03:58
04:00
like like a friend.
04:00
04:01
>> Oh, really? That's how you treat a
04:01
04:02
friend. You get her in trouble and then
04:02
04:04
you refuse to marry her.
04:04
04:05
>> Hey, I offered to marry her, but I
04:05
04:07
didn't want to.
04:07
04:10
[applause]
04:10
04:11
Well, why not? So you could spend your
04:11
04:13
time with this
04:13
04:14
04:15
>> I'm sorry. Dr. Green. Mona. Mona. Dr.
04:15
04:18
Green.
04:18
04:21
>> How could you have kept all of this from
04:21
04:23
me? I
04:23
04:24
>> I was going to tell you, but
04:24
04:25
>> But what? You figure you get what you
04:25
04:27
wanted, then you dump her like you did
04:27
04:29
Rachel.
04:29
04:29
>> Hey, I did not dump Rachel, nor are we
04:29
04:32
still together.
04:32
04:35
>> Oh. Um,
04:35
04:37
can I
04:37
04:41
>> Why don't we just let the machine get
04:41
04:42
back?
04:42
04:44
>> Hey, Ross, it's Joey. There's a hooker
04:44
04:46
over here, and we thought maybe you'd
04:46
04:48
know something about it.
04:48
04:51
>> No, no, NO, NO, NO. I I need to lie
04:51
04:55
down.
04:55
04:56
>> What's up, Joe?
04:56
04:57
>> Okay. What have we always wanted to do
04:57
04:59
together?
04:59
05:00
>> Braid each other's hair and ride
05:00
05:02
horseback on the beach.
05:02
05:04
>> Oh, no. No. When you get home tomorrow
05:04
05:06
night, you and I are going to be at the
05:06
05:08
Wizards Knicks game
05:08
05:09
>> courtside. Courtzside? Oh my god.
05:09
05:11
>> YEAH. MAYBE MICHAEL JORDAN will dive for
05:11
05:12
the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
05:12
05:16
>> That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.
05:16
05:21
>> Hello.
05:22
05:22
>> Joey just called. He's got courtside
05:22
05:24
Nicks tickets for him and me tomorrow
05:24
05:26
night.
05:26
05:26
>> Really? But tomorrow night's the only
05:26
05:28
night I get off from the restaurant. If
05:28
05:30
you go to the game, then we won't have a
05:30
05:31
night together for another week.
05:31
05:33
>> But hey, it's courtside. The
05:33
05:34
cheerleaders are going to be right in.
05:34
05:37
That's not the way to convince you.
05:37
05:40
>> Taylor, look, I don't want to be one of
05:40
05:41
those wives that says you can't go to
05:41
05:43
the game. You have to spend time with
05:43
05:45
me. So, if you could just realize it on
05:45
05:47
your own.
05:47
05:49
>> I I know. You're right. I want to see
05:49
05:51
you, too.
05:51
05:52
I just got to figure out a way to tell
05:52
05:54
Joey, you know, he's really looking
05:54
05:55
forward to this.
05:55
05:56
>> Tell him that you haven't seen your wife
05:56
05:57
in a long time.
05:57
05:58
>> Tell him that having a long-distance
05:58
06:00
relationship is really difficult.
06:00
06:02
Tell him that what little time we have
06:02
06:05
together is is precious.
06:05
06:08
>> I'll think of something.
06:08
06:10
>> Cab's ready.
06:10
06:11
>> All right, let's go.
06:11
06:13
>> You're welcome.
06:13
06:14
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me
06:14
06:16
or sleeping with someone else?
06:16
06:18
[laughter]
06:18
06:19
>> We were on a break.
06:20
06:21
>> You know, Ross, why don't you just put
06:21
06:23
that on your answering machine?
06:23
06:24
>> Hey. Hey, it's valid. Okay. And I'm not
06:24
06:26
the only one who thinks so. Monica
06:26
06:28
agrees with me.
06:28
06:30
>> What?
06:30
06:32
I don't know.
06:32
06:34
[laughter]
06:34
06:34
>> That's what you said last night.
06:34
06:36
>> What I said was was that I understood
06:36
06:40
Joey is the one who agreed with you.
06:40
06:42
>> Okay.
06:42
06:43
>> Really, Joey?
06:43
06:46
>> What?
06:46
06:48
>> You know what? But there there is no
06:48
06:50
right or wrong here.
06:50
06:51
>> No, I think it's very obvious who's
06:51
06:53
wrong here.
06:53
06:54
>> Obviously, not to Joey.
06:54
06:59
>> What?
06:59
07:01
Joey about the same way that I do. No,
07:01
07:04
no, no.
07:04
07:06
Guess who I am.
07:06
07:08
[laughter]
07:08
07:18
>> Look what you're doing to Chandler.
07:18
07:20
[screaming]
07:20
07:22
>> Isn't this great?
07:22
07:25
>> Couldn't you just stay like this
07:25
07:26
forever?
07:26
07:30
Champler,
07:30
07:32
couldn't you just stay here forever?
07:32
07:34
>> Yeah, here somewhere else. You know,
07:34
07:37
where? Wherever, [laughter]
07:37
07:39
>> are you okay?
07:39
07:40
>> Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
07:40
07:45
>> Wh What are you doing?
07:45
07:46
>> Well, just hanging out, you know, having
07:46
07:48
fun, you know, with the girl that I'm
07:48
07:49
seeing. Casually,
07:49
07:52
>> man, I knew it. I knew you were going to
07:52
07:55
do this.
07:55
07:55
>> What? get all freaked out because
07:55
07:57
everybody was talking and just joking
07:57
07:58
around about marriage and stuff.
07:58
08:00
>> Well, you you do want all that stuff,
08:00
08:03
right?
08:03
08:04
>> Oh, and you know what I want.
08:04
08:05
>> Yes, you want babies. You have baby
08:05
08:07
fever.
08:08
08:10
>> I do not have baby fever.
08:10
08:12
>> Oh, please. You are obsessed with babies
08:12
08:14
and and marriage and everything that's
08:14
08:16
related to babies and and and marriage.
08:16
08:19
You know what? I got a good idea. Why
08:19
08:20
don't we turn the heat down on this
08:20
08:22
pressure cooker?
08:22
08:25
You lost your mind, Taylor. This isn't
08:25
08:28
about me. This is about you and all your
08:28
08:29
weird relationship commitment crap.
08:29
08:31
>> Nuh-uh. I know you. Okay. I know the
08:31
08:33
thoughts that you have in the head in
08:33
08:34
your head. [laughter]
08:34
08:37
>> You don't know everything. Did you know
08:37
08:39
that I'm going out with Rachel tonight
08:39
08:40
instead of you? H And did you know that
08:40
08:42
the only baby around here is you? And
08:42
08:44
did you know that I can't even look at
08:44
08:46
you right now?
08:46
08:50
>> Yo, I did not know that.
08:50
08:53
>> [music]
08:53
08:55
>> It's going to be okay, right? I mean,
08:55
08:56
she's not going to leave me. This is
08:56
08:58
this is fixable.
08:58
08:59
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Absolutely.
08:59
09:01
>> By me.
09:01
09:02
>> Oh, no.
09:02
09:03
>> No. No. [laughter]
09:03
09:06
>> Well, unless you make some kind of big
09:06
09:08
gesture.
09:08
09:09
>> Yeah. Big though.
09:09
09:12
>> Oh, The misses.
09:12
09:15
>> Here. Can I Can I get a coffee
09:15
09:18
>> to go?
09:18
09:21
I'm I'm still not done not wanting to
09:21
09:23
talk to you.
09:23
09:23
>> Just tell me what I need to do to make
09:23
09:25
things right.
09:25
09:26
>> What?
09:26
09:27
>> Well, that's what we do. You know, I I
09:27
09:28
mess up and then you tell me how to fix
09:28
09:30
it and then I do and then, you know, you
09:30
09:32
think I'm all cute again. [laughter]
09:32
09:35
I'm really I'm really tired of being
09:35
09:36
your relationship tutor. You're going to
09:36
09:39
have to figure this one out for
09:39
09:40
yourself, right? You know what? You're
09:40
09:42
too afraid to be in a real relationship,
09:42
09:44
then don't be in one.
09:44
09:53
Monica, I need to talk to her. It's
09:53
09:55
urgent. Is she here?
09:55
09:56
>> Hi, Monica.
09:56
09:57
>> I need to talk to you. It's urgent.
09:57
10:00
>> Okay.
10:00
10:01
>> Okay. I've been doing a lot of thinking
10:01
10:03
about us, you know, a lot of uh us
10:03
10:05
thinking. And uh well, I guess there's
10:05
10:09
only one one way to do this.
10:09
10:14
[cheering]
10:14
10:16
>> What are you doing,
10:16
10:17
>> Monica? No. No. No. Don't don't don't do
10:17
10:19
it.
10:19
10:20
>> Will you marry me?
10:20
10:24
[cheering]
10:24
10:25
>> What a bad idea.
10:25
10:27
>> Oh, I can't not look at it. [laughter]
10:27
10:32
>> Chandler, why are you doing this?
10:32
10:34
>> I don't know, [laughter] but I know I'm
10:34
10:36
not afraid to do this.
10:36
10:39
>> Chandler,
10:39
10:41
>> I'm doing this because I'm sorry.
10:41
10:44
>> [laughter]
10:44
10:45
>> Do you um you really think the best
10:45
10:47
reason to get married is because you're
10:47
10:49
sorry?
10:49
10:50
>> Well, no. The best reason to get married
10:50
10:51
is pregnancy.
10:51
10:53
[laughter]
10:53
10:55
>> Sorry is pretty much fourth, you know,
10:56
10:57
behind being ready and actually wanting
10:57
10:59
to get married.
10:59
11:01
Will you be my wife?
11:01
11:04
[laughter]
11:04
11:05
>> Taylor, um I want you to take just a
11:05
11:08
minute and I want you to think about how
11:08
11:09
ridiculous this sounds.
11:09
11:15
Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone
11:15
11:16
wasn't here right now.
11:16
11:20
>> Do you know that none of that stuff came
11:20
11:22
from me? I mean, I never said that I
11:22
11:23
wanted to have babies and get married
11:24
11:25
right now.
11:25
11:26
>> Yeah, I don't. But I was really
11:26
11:27
confused. And then I talked to these
11:27
11:29
guys.
11:29
11:30
>> Who? Two divorces and Joey.
11:30
11:33
>> Hey, she's right, you know.
11:33
11:37
>> Yeah, but still cheap shot.
11:37
11:42
>> No. You know when I said that I want you
11:42
11:44
to deal with this relationship stuff all
11:44
11:47
on your own?
11:47
11:48
>> Well, you're not ready for that.
11:48
11:50
>> I didn't think I was. [laughter]
11:50
11:56
>> What are Hi.
11:56
11:58
[laughter]
11:58
11:59
>> Well, what are you doing here? I'm I'm
11:59
12:01
supposed to pick you up.
12:01
12:01
>> Change of plans. I made you a special
12:01
12:03
Valentine's dinner. Surprise.
12:04
12:09
>> Oh, hey Mona. Hi. Hi. Hi, Rachel.
12:09
12:13
What's she doing here?
12:14
12:16
>> I have no idea.
12:16
12:18
[laughter]
12:18
12:19
>> Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs
12:19
12:21
me.
12:21
12:23
>> Seriously, what is she doing?
12:23
12:25
>> Uh, you know, lately she just likes
12:25
12:26
hanging out here. [laughter]
12:26
12:29
>> Why?
12:29
12:29
>> I think she's lonely.
12:29
12:32
>> Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we
12:32
12:35
just ask her to go?
12:35
12:36
>> Well, no. No. She's way too emotional.
12:36
12:40
And by emotional, I mean,
12:40
12:46
>> I'm not here. That's just my Chinese
12:46
12:48
food.
12:48
12:49
>> Oh my god, she has food delivered here.
12:49
12:51
>> Yes, she's she's emotional, but but
12:51
12:54
ballsy.
12:54
12:57
>> You know what I'm going to do? I'm going
12:57
12:59
to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
12:59
13:02
[laughter]
13:02
13:05
>> And you thought she was going to be in
13:05
13:06
our way.
13:06
13:09
So, okay. Why don't you uh open the
13:09
13:12
champagne and I will be right back. I've
13:12
13:14
got a surprise for you.
13:14
13:16
>> You got another ex-wife back there.
13:16
13:19
>> Please start drinking.
13:20
13:21
>> Okay, let's see. Okay, the turkeyy's in
13:21
13:23
the oven. The stuffing is ready.
13:23
13:24
>> You know, you always cook this meal all
13:24
13:26
by yourself. Let me help this year.
13:26
13:28
>> A Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't
13:28
13:30
have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you
13:30
13:32
to do.
13:32
13:34
>> I'm serious. Let me do something. Just
13:34
13:36
not the turkey or the stuffing. Nothing
13:36
13:38
highprofile.
13:38
13:40
[laughter]
13:40
13:40
>> Let's see.
13:40
13:41
>> Oh, the cranberry sauce. It's easy to
13:41
13:43
make and no one really cares about it.
13:43
13:46
>> Tell me more.
13:46
13:48
>> Okay, I'm going to go check on something
13:48
13:49
across the hall. You start by washing
13:49
13:51
these. Okay.
13:51
13:54
>> Not with soap.
13:54
13:57
[laughter]
13:57
14:00
>> You obviously haven't tasted my Palm
14:00
14:02
Olive potatoes.
14:02
14:03
>> Sorry. I know it's our anniversary, but
14:03
14:05
I told you on the phone I don't have
14:05
14:07
time to stop.
14:07
14:08
>> Okay, you don't have to stop. I'm
14:08
14:09
invisible. I'm not here.
14:10
14:11
>> Yeah, but I don't.
14:11
14:14
Who approved that order? Well, there is
14:14
14:17
no Mark Robinson in this office. Get me
14:17
14:20
Mark on the phone.
14:20
14:21
>> I love Mark. Do you know Mark?
14:21
14:23
>> Yeah.
14:23
14:24
>> Well, let me just check up with what
14:24
14:26
I've got here. All right. See, 038 is
14:26
14:28
not the number for this floor. 038 is
14:28
14:30
Atlanta.
14:30
14:36
Pepper.
14:36
14:38
[laughter]
14:38
14:39
>> None for me.
14:39
14:43
>> I'm sorry. As I was saying, the store
14:43
14:45
number is wrong and I'm sorry, but that
14:45
14:47
is Oh my god. [laughter]
14:48
14:52
>> Okay.
14:52
14:55
>> Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
14:55
14:57
>> Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm going to have
14:57
14:58
to call you back. I've got Shmp in my
14:58
15:00
office.
15:00
15:03
>> [laughter]
15:03
15:03
>> What are you doing?
15:03
15:05
>> I'm sorry, but um Hey. Oh, somebody's
15:05
15:07
off the phone. How about a glass of wine
15:07
15:09
by the fire? I'd get it going again if
15:09
15:11
you
15:11
15:11
>> Do you realize this is the first time in
15:12
15:13
my life I'm doing something I actually
15:13
15:15
care about? This is the first time in my
15:15
15:16
life I'm doing something that I'm
15:16
15:17
actually good at. I mean, if you don't
15:17
15:19
get that.
15:20
15:20
>> No. Hey, I get that. Okay. I get that
15:20
15:22
big time. And I'm happy for you, but I'm
15:22
15:23
tired of having a relationship with your
15:23
15:25
answering machine. Okay. I don't know
15:25
15:26
what to do anymore.
15:26
15:27
>> Well, neither do I.
15:27
15:31
Is this about Mark?
15:31
15:34
>> Oh my god.
15:34
15:35
>> Okay, it's not.
15:35
15:36
>> Oh my god. I cannot keep having the same
15:36
15:39
fight over and over again. Ross, no.
15:39
15:41
You're you're you're making this too
15:42
15:43
hard.
15:43
15:43
>> Oh, I'm I'm making this too hard. Okay,
15:43
15:45
what do you want me to do?
15:45
15:46
>> I don't know. I don't know. Look, maybe
15:46
15:49
we should just take a break.
15:49
15:51
>> Okay. Okay, fine. You're right. Let's uh
15:51
15:53
let's take a break. Let's cool off.
15:53
15:55
Okay. Let's get some frozen yogurt or
15:55
15:57
something.
15:57
16:00
No.
16:00
16:04
A break from us.
16:04
16:13
>> It's the worst thing that can happen on
16:13
16:14
anniversary ever.
16:14
16:15
>> Oh, good. All right. You decided to tell
16:15
16:17
about the Richard thing.
16:17
16:21
[laughter]
16:21
16:22
>> What? What Richard things?
16:22
16:24
>> Oh, no.
16:24
16:28
What Richard think?
16:28
16:29
>> Simmons. Go with Simmons. [laughter]
16:29
16:36
>> Okay. I um I ran into Richard yesterday
16:36
16:40
and he asked me if I wanted to go for a
16:40
16:42
bite and I did. And the only reason why
16:42
16:44
I didn't tell you is because I I knew
16:44
16:46
you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil
16:46
16:48
our anniversary.
16:48
16:50
>> I'm not mad. [laughter]
16:50
16:54
>> Really?
16:54
16:54
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you you bumped into
16:54
16:57
Richard. You grabbed a bite. [laughter]
16:57
17:01
>> No big deal.
17:01
17:06
>> Great.
17:06
17:11
>> Okay, London one.
17:11
17:14
>> We should take a trip.
17:14
17:16
>> We should?
17:16
17:17
>> Yep. We're a couple and that's uh what
17:17
17:19
couples do. And I want to meet your
17:19
17:21
parents. We should take a trip WITH YOUR
17:21
17:25
PARENTS.
17:25
17:30
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO because you're
17:30
17:32
tripping me out right now.
17:32
17:35
>> Are you okay?
17:35
17:37
>> No, I am. I actually am. I mean, this is
17:37
17:39
amazing. My entire life, I have feared
17:40
17:43
this place. And now that I'm here, it's
17:43
17:45
like, what was the big deal? I mean, I
17:45
17:47
could probably say, "Let's move in
17:48
17:49
together." And I'd be okay.
17:49
17:51
>> You probably want us to move in
17:51
17:53
together.
17:53
17:55
It doesn't scare me.
17:55
17:56
>> Yeah, well, it scares me. I mean, I'm
17:56
17:58
not even divorced yet, Chandler. You
17:58
18:00
know, you just invited me over here for
18:00
18:02
pasta and all of a sudden you're like
18:02
18:03
talking about moving in together and I
18:03
18:06
wasn't even that hungry.
18:06
18:08
>> You know what? It's getting really late
18:08
18:09
and I I should just um
18:09
18:11
>> Oh, no. No, don't go. I've scared you.
18:11
18:13
I've said too much. I'm hopeless AND
18:13
18:16
AWKWARD AND DESPERATE for love.
18:16
18:18
[laughter]
18:18
18:25
Hey Janice, it's me. Um, [clears throat]
18:25
18:28
yeah, I I just wanted to apologize in
18:28
18:30
advance for having chased you down the
18:30
18:31
street.
18:32
18:36
[music]
18:36
18:39
>> She sent the chicken back again.
18:39
18:41
>> She said it's too dry now and she wants
18:41
18:43
to come back here and explain to you
18:43
18:44
exactly how she wants.
18:44
18:45
>> Well, fine. I'd like to meet this
18:46
18:47
chicken expert. Send the colonel in.
18:47
18:50
>> [laughter]
18:50
18:55
>> Oh my god.
18:55
18:59
[cheering and applause]
18:59
19:00
Lucky bastard.
19:00
19:04
>> Janice,
19:04
19:05
>> how are you, Miss Hot Shot Chef at the
19:05
19:08
big fancy restaurant with the best
19:08
19:10
chicken ever?
19:10
19:12
[laughter]
19:12
19:14
>> I'm fine.
19:14
19:15
>> Oh, what is that on your finger? I'm
19:15
19:18
blind.
19:18
19:20
>> [laughter]
19:20
19:21
>> Um, so who's the lucky guy?
19:21
19:26
[laughter]
19:26
19:27
>> Oh my god,
19:27
19:31
I am so sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?
19:31
19:35
[laughter]
19:35
19:37
You didn't tell her we're getting
19:37
19:38
married, did you?
19:38
19:39
>> Well, she saw the ring.
19:39
19:40
>> Did she freak out?
19:40
19:41
>> Well, she was shocked when I told her,
19:41
19:43
but then again, so were most people,
19:43
19:45
>> right?
19:45
19:46
Well, she actually has a boyfriend, you
19:46
19:48
know, herself. Name's Clark. Uh, she
19:48
19:52
also kind of invited herself to our
19:52
19:53
wedding. Clark, too.
19:53
19:58
>> You said no, right?
19:58
20:00
>> Huh? [laughter]
20:00
20:03
You said no, right?
20:03
20:05
>> Well, she cornered me and she asked me
20:05
20:08
if the wedding was in town. I mean, what
20:08
20:09
was I supposed to do?
20:09
20:10
>> Why? [laughter]
20:10
20:12
How hard is that? Your checks in the
20:12
20:14
mail. Oh, your baby is so cute. I
20:14
20:17
[laughter]
20:17
20:18
I can't wait to read your book, Ross.
20:18
20:23
>> And so she comes to the wedding. Maybe
20:23
20:25
it won't be so bad.
20:25
20:26
>> When do you think she's just going to
20:26
20:27
sit there quietly? You don't think she's
20:27
20:29
going to want to make a toast? You don't
20:29
20:31
think she's going to want to grab the
20:31
20:32
microphone and sing part-time lover?
20:32
20:35
>> Oh my god. She's not going to like the
20:35
20:37
chicken that night, either, is she?
20:37
20:40
[laughter]
20:40
20:42
>> You know what? It's going to be okay.
20:42
20:44
You know what? She's probably not going
20:44
20:45
to even want to come.
20:45
20:47
>> Really?
20:47
20:48
>> No. That was a lie.
20:48
20:51
See how easy that was?
20:51
20:54
>> So So you would have just lied?
20:54
20:57
>> Yes.
20:57
20:58
>> Would have really been that easy?
20:58
21:01
>> Yes.
21:01
21:02
>> Good. So do it Saturday night cuz we're
21:02
21:04
going to dinner with her and Clark.
21:04
21:10
Now
21:10
21:10
>> you you've been quiet all morning. Is
21:10
21:12
everything okay? Mhm.
21:12
21:16
>> You sure you're all right?
21:16
21:17
>> Yep.
21:17
21:20
>> Okay. Um, well, I'm going to go uh grab
21:20
21:22
us some breakfast.
21:22
21:24
>> FYI,
21:24
21:25
>> there it is.
21:25
21:28
>> In the future, when a girl asks for some
21:28
21:31
ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.
21:31
21:35
[laughter]
21:35
21:36
>> Wait, what? You're uh you're mad at me
21:36
21:38
about last night? I was just trying to
21:38
21:41
do the right thing. Really? Well, it
21:41
21:43
seems to me if you had done the right
21:43
21:45
thing, I would not have woken up today
21:45
21:46
feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would
21:46
21:48
have woken up feeling comforted and
21:48
21:50
satisfied.
21:50
21:51
[laughter]
21:51
21:53
>> Well,
21:53
21:54
>> oh, stop that.
21:54
21:56
>> I can't believe this. What? I I was just
21:56
21:59
being a good guy. I treated you with
21:59
22:00
with respect and understanding.
22:00
22:02
>> Oh, that is so hot.
22:02
22:05
>> Hey, [laughter] I was looking out for
22:05
22:07
you.
22:07
22:07
>> Oh, really? Well, Ross, you know what? I
22:07
22:09
am a big girl. I don't need someone
22:09
22:10
telling me what is best for me.
22:10
22:13
>> I got to say, I've not had sex a lot of
22:13
22:15
times before. This is the worst ever.
22:15
22:19
>> Oh, really? Really? Well, it wasn't very
22:19
22:21
good for me either.
22:21
22:22
>> Oh, okay. You know, hey, hey, you know
22:22
22:23
what? You know what? To avoid this
22:23
22:25
little thing in the future, let's just
22:25
22:26
say you and me never having sex again.
22:26
22:29
>> What?
22:29
22:30
>> That's right. Sex is off the table. I am
22:30
22:32
never having sex with you again.
22:32
22:37
[laughter]
22:37
22:42
Okay.
22:42
22:44
>> See,
22:44
22:45
>> she stole my jeans.
22:45
22:50
>> What?
22:50
22:52
>> I have been looking for them all week
22:52
22:53
and she is wearing them.
22:53
22:55
>> So, she stole your pants and then she
22:55
22:57
came back and wore them in front of you.
22:57
23:00
>> Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
23:00
23:03
>> She must have been planning this for
23:04
23:05
years.
23:05
23:07
I will prove it to you. Okay. About a
23:07
23:09
week ago, I was wearing those jeans and
23:09
23:11
I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an
23:11
23:12
ink stain on the crotch. Now, when she
23:12
23:14
comes back, I will find it and show you
23:14
23:17
that stain.
23:17
23:19
>> Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the
23:19
23:21
doubt before we go snooping around her
23:21
23:23
crotch?
23:24
23:27
>> Hey. Hey.
23:27
23:28
>> You got a second?
23:28
23:29
>> Sure. Sure. Come on in.
23:29
23:33
>> Hello, sweetheart. Um,
23:33
23:36
what you what you guys doing here?
23:36
23:37
>> Uh, we are here to break up with you.
23:37
23:42
>> Both of you.
23:42
23:43
>> Basically, we think you're a horrible
23:43
23:45
human being and bad things should happen
23:45
23:47
to you.
23:47
23:50
>> I'm sorry. Sorry, God. I am so sorry.
23:50
23:52
I'm an idiot. I was weak. I I couldn't
23:52
23:54
help myself. Whatever I did, I only did
23:54
23:56
because I love you so much.
23:56
24:01
>> Uh, which one of us are you talking to
24:01
24:02
there, Bear? [laughter]
24:02
24:06
Mindy. Mindy. Of course, Mindy. It was
24:06
24:09
always Mindy.
24:09
24:10
>> Even when we were having sex in that
24:10
24:12
chair. Look,
24:12
24:13
>> I swear. Look, whatever I was doing, I
24:13
24:15
was always thinking of you.
24:15
24:17
>> Oh, please. During that second time, you
24:17
24:20
couldn't have picked her out of a
24:20
24:21
lineup.
24:21
24:22
>> You did it twice.
24:22
24:24
>> Well, the first time didn't really
24:24
24:25
count. I mean, you know, it was Barry.
24:25
24:28
We're already late for Phoe's birthday
24:28
24:29
dinner. So, you're going to put out that
24:30
24:32
cigarette. We're gonna put this fight on
24:32
24:34
hold and go have sex.
24:34
24:35
>> Fine. What?
24:36
24:39
>> Sex? This is the last day that I'm
24:39
24:40
ovulating and if we if we don't do it
24:40
24:42
now, then I'm gonna have to wait till
24:42
24:43
next month.
24:43
24:44
>> You're serious? [laughter]
24:44
24:46
>> Oh, yeah.
24:46
24:47
>> All right, fine. I'll do it. But no
24:48
24:49
talking
24:49
24:50
>> and no cuddling.
24:50
24:51
>> And no kissing your neck.
24:52
24:53
>> Oh, good. I hate it when you do that.
24:53
24:57
[cheering]
24:57
24:59
>> And lots of kissing your neck.
24:59
25:03
Hello.
25:03
25:04
>> Hello. Is Ross there?
25:04
25:05
>> Uh, no he's not. Can I take a message?
25:05
25:07
>> Yes. This is Russell, Ross' divorce
25:07
25:08
lawyer. Just tell him that since I
25:08
25:10
haven't heard from him, I assume he's
25:10
25:12
decided to give the marriage a try.
25:12
25:14
>> Ross got married again? [screaming] No.
25:14
25:17
[laughter]
25:17
25:20
>> All right, keep going. We are phasing
25:20
25:22
the accent out. Phasing it out.
25:22
25:26
So without retesting their results in
25:26
25:28
the laboratory,
25:28
25:30
the team would never have identified
25:30
25:36
the initial errors in their carbon
25:36
25:40
dating analysis. [laughter]
25:40
25:44
Were there any questions at this point?
25:44
25:48
>> Yes.
25:48
25:48
>> What's happening to your accent?
25:48
25:51
[laughter]
25:51
25:53
>> Come again. What's What's this nonsense?
25:53
25:56
[laughter]
25:56
26:00
All right. I'm I'm not English.
26:00
26:05
I'm from Long Island.
26:05
26:07
I was really nervous and the accent just
26:07
26:10
um just came out. [laughter]
26:10
26:13
I'm sorry.
26:13
26:16
So, if we could just get back to the
26:16
26:18
lecture.
26:18
26:20
Um,
26:20
26:21
were there any questions
26:21
26:25
[laughter]
26:25
26:26
about paleontology?
26:26
26:30
All right. Look, I was just trying to
26:30
26:32
make a good first impression. Obviously,
26:32
26:35
I screwed up. But what you guys think of
26:35
26:37
me is really important because I'm I'm
26:37
26:39
hoping to get a permanent job here. So,
26:39
26:42
if you just give me another chance to
26:42
26:44
make a good impression.
26:44
26:46
>> Russ, ARE YOU CRAZY? I AM STILL YOUR
26:46
26:50
WIFE? WHAT WERE YOU JUST NEVER GOING TO
26:50
26:52
TELL ME? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH
26:52
26:53
YOU? [laughter]
26:53
26:55
I could just kill you.
26:55
27:01
[laughter]
27:01
27:02
>> Well, Rachel,
27:02
27:03
>> you two were involved in a serious
27:03
27:05
relationship that really creates a
27:05
27:07
problem.
27:07
27:07
>> Ros, your honor, rest assured that
27:07
27:09
relationship ended two years ago. And
27:09
27:11
can you please strike Consummated Like
27:11
27:13
Bunnies from the record?
27:13
27:15
Is [laughter] there anything in this
27:15
27:17
record that is actually true?
27:17
27:19
>> Uh well, yes. We uh we got married in
27:19
27:21
Vegas and uh and the names I think.
27:21
27:25
>> Well, based on what I've heard, you two
27:25
27:28
certainly don't qualify for an anolment.
27:28
27:30
>> If you don't want to be together, you'll
27:30
27:31
have to file for divorce.
27:32
27:33
>> That's great. You happy now? Look what
27:33
27:35
you did with your funny funny form.
27:35
27:38
>> What me? What about YOU AND YOUR
27:38
27:40
CONSUMMATED LIKE BUNNIES NONSENSE?
27:40
27:43
NOW, what are you typing that for? She
27:43
27:46
already said we don't get the anulment.
27:46
27:48
Don't type that. What? Stop typing. Hey,
27:48
27:53
stop typing.
27:53
27:55
Stop typing. Stop typing.
27:55
27:58
>> Okay. Do you see? Do you see what you
27:58
28:00
are keeping me married to?
28:00
28:02
>> You need to get out of my chambers.
28:02
28:04
>> All right. Look, lady. Here is the deal.
28:04
28:06
I came here for an anolment, and I am
28:06
28:08
not leaving here until I get one.
28:08
28:10
>> Would you like to spend the night in
28:10
28:11
jail?
28:11
28:11
>> Okay. Thank you for your time.
28:12
28:13
>> Why are your eyes so wide?
28:13
28:16
>> You tell me. [laughter]
28:16
28:18
Maybe it's because I was just fooling
28:18
28:19
around with my ex. Oh, no. No, no, no,
28:19
28:22
NO. THAT WAS YOU.
28:22
28:24
>> Oh my god.
28:24
28:25
>> All right.
28:25
28:26
>> How did you know?
28:26
28:27
>> Joey told me he saw you two kissing
28:27
28:29
>> in the park. [cheering]
28:29
28:32
>> No, in his office. How many kisses were
28:32
28:34
there?
28:34
28:35
>> Just those two.
28:35
28:37
>> WH WHY WHY WHY WAS THERE KISSING? THERE
28:37
28:39
should be no kissing. Oh, I'm sorry,
28:39
28:42
honey. I'm so so so
28:42
28:45
I'm so so sorry. I just BUT I OH, WHAT
28:45
28:49
HAPPENED WAS I I I can't breathe. Did
28:49
28:52
you get me a bag or something?
28:52
28:56
>> Here. Here.
28:56
28:57
>> There.
28:57
29:01
[laughter]
29:01
29:02
It's the receipt.
29:02
29:03
>> I'll take it.
29:03
29:04
>> It was a mistake. I made a mistake.
29:04
29:06
Okay.
29:06
29:06
>> A mistake? What were you trying to put
29:06
29:09
it in? her purse.
29:09
29:12
Where? Where did he put it? [laughter]
29:12
29:18
>> Ros, you had sex with another woman.
29:18
29:21
>> Oh my god.
29:21
29:22
>> Oh god. I knew something had to be wrong
29:22
29:24
because my fingernails did not grow at
29:24
29:26
all yesterday.
29:26
29:29
>> Yeah. Well, I guess they had a fight and
29:29
29:31
he got drunk.
29:31
29:32
>> You guys knew about this and you didn't
29:32
29:34
tell us.
29:34
29:35
>> He had sex and we get hit in our heads.
29:35
29:38
>> You know what? I want you to leave. Get
29:38
29:39
out of here. Just get out.
29:39
29:40
>> No, I know. I want to stay. I want to
29:40
29:42
talk about this.
29:42
29:43
>> Okay. All right. How was she?
29:43
29:46
>> Uh-oh.
29:46
29:51
>> What
29:51
29:52
>> was she good?
29:52
29:53
>> Don't answer that. [laughter]
29:53
29:58
>> Rose, you said you wanted to talk about
29:58
29:59
it. Let's talk about it. How was she?
29:59
30:03
>> She was awful.
30:03
30:04
>> She was not good. Not good. Nothing
30:04
30:06
compared to
30:06
30:08
She She was different. Oh.
30:08
30:11
>> Uhoh.
30:11
30:13
>> Good. Different.
30:13
30:16
>> Nobody likes change.
30:16
30:23
>> Should we do something?
30:23
30:24
>> Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
30:24
30:28
>> I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I I was
30:28
30:31
disgusted with myself and then this
30:31
30:33
morning I was so I was I was so upset
30:33
30:35
and then I got your message and I was so
30:35
30:37
happy and all I wanted was to get her
30:37
30:38
out of my apartment as fast as possible.
30:38
30:45
>> What time did your little friend leave?
30:45
30:49
[laughter]
30:49
30:51
>> Oh my god. She was there.
30:51
30:53
>> She was still there. She was in there
30:53
30:55
WHEN I WAS IN THERE.
30:55
30:58
[screaming]
30:58
30:59
ask you.
30:59
31:02
>> Listen. Oh, hey. Hey. The important
31:02
31:03
thing is she meant she meant nothing to
31:03
31:05
me.
31:05
31:05
>> And yet SHE WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING OUR
31:06
31:08
RELATIONSHIP.
31:08
31:10
>> LOOK, I didn't think there was a
31:10
31:12
relationship to jeopardize. I thought we
31:12
31:13
were broken up.
31:14
31:14
>> We were on a break.
31:14
31:15
>> That for all I knew could last forever.
31:16
31:18
That to me is a break up.
31:18
31:19
>> You think you're going to get out of
31:19
31:20
this on a technicality?
31:20
31:22
>> I'm not trying to get out of anything,
31:22
31:23
okay? I thought our relationship was
31:24
31:25
dead. Well, you sure had a hell of a
31:25
31:28
time at the wake. [laughter]
31:28
31:31
>> You know what? I don't think we should
31:31
31:33
listen to this anymore.
31:33
31:34
>> What are you doing? I can't go out
31:34
31:36
there.
31:36
31:36
>> Why not? I'm hungry.
31:36
31:39
[laughter]
31:39
31:40
>> Because they'll know we've been
31:40
31:41
listening. God, I'd have to hear about
31:41
31:44
it from Gunther.
31:44
31:45
>> Come on. Like I wanted him to tell you,
31:45
31:47
I ran all over the place trying to make
31:47
31:49
sure that didn't happen.
31:49
31:52
>> Oh, that is so sweet.
31:52
31:56
I think I'm falling in love with you all
31:56
31:58
over again.
31:58
32:01
>> You know what? I think we can go out
32:01
32:02
there. I mean, they have more important
32:02
32:04
things to worry about.
32:04
32:05
>> Yeah, we'll be fine.
32:05
32:06
>> Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I
32:06
32:08
thought I should. I I did. And then
32:08
32:10
Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
32:10
32:14
[laughter]
32:14
32:17
>> Wax the door shut. We're never leaving
32:17
32:18
up. I
32:18
32:20
>> I love your breasts the way they are. H
32:20
32:23
fascist. [laughter]
32:23
32:26
>> Well, my breasts are going to get bigger
32:26
32:28
whether you like it or not. And and you
32:28
32:30
know what? It's not just my breasts. My
32:30
32:32
ass is going to get bigger, too.
32:32
32:33
>> Your ass?
32:33
32:35
[laughter]
32:35
32:36
>> Yeah. And don't be surprised if her
32:36
32:37
hands and her feet get bigger, too.
32:37
32:41
>> They do that?
32:41
32:43
>> It's kind of a package deal.
32:43
32:46
>> God, why? Why would you want to do that
32:46
32:48
to yourself?
32:48
32:49
>> I thought it was something that we both
32:49
32:51
wanted. [snorts] All
32:51
32:53
right, look. If it means that much to
32:53
32:54
you, I may be able to get on board with
32:54
32:55
the big boobs, but the giant ass and the
32:56
32:57
big clown feet. [laughter]
32:58
33:01
>> Oh my god, Chandler. If you can't handle
33:01
33:04
this, what are you going to be like in
33:04
33:06
the hospital with the blood and the
33:06
33:07
screaming and the little person that's
33:07
33:09
shooting out of her? [laughter]
33:09
33:13
>> What?
33:14
33:15
>> Oh. Oh.
33:15
33:18
Whoops. Oh, I seem to have dropped my
33:18
33:20
fork.
33:20
33:22
Let me just bend over and get it.
33:22
33:24
[laughter]
33:24
33:30
[laughter]
33:30
33:32
Oh god.
33:32
33:36
[laughter]
33:36
33:37
>> Okay, enough. This is This is not going
33:37
33:39
to happen.
33:39
33:40
>> Oh, come on, Ros. I'm miserable here.
33:40
33:43
Come on. You started this. Now you
33:43
33:45
finish it.
33:45
33:48
>> Come on, West. Big love to me.
33:48
33:51
>> [laughter]
33:51
33:52
>> You know what?
33:52
33:54
>> What?
33:54
33:56
>> Forget it.
33:56
33:59
>> Oh, wow. What? Now, Ross, you're not
33:59
34:00
going to talk? How on earth will you
34:00
34:03
ever annoy me?
34:03
34:06
Oh, wait a minute. I know.
34:06
34:09
[snorts]
34:09
34:12
>> I mean, you think the damn jalapeno
34:12
34:14
would have cleared up your sinuses, but
34:14
34:16
no, that's not enough. What are you
34:16
34:19
doing? I'M GETTING THAT BABY OUT OF YOU.
34:19
34:23
[cheering]
34:23
34:29
>> Oh god.
34:29
34:30
>> Oh, I know.
34:30
34:31
>> Oh no.
34:31
34:34
>> I think my water just broke.
34:34
34:38
>> I am good. [laughter]
34:38
34:40
[cheering]
34:40
34:43
>> Monica,
34:43
34:44
>> she's sleeping.
34:44
34:46
[laughter]
34:46
34:49
I know. Just quick quick quick question.
34:49
34:51
Which one was Deep Impact and which one
34:52
34:54
was Armageddon?
34:54
34:56
[laughter]
34:56
34:58
>> Deep Impact was the one with Robert
34:58
35:00
Dval. Armageddon is what's going to
35:00
35:03
happen to you if you wake me up.
35:03
35:05
[laughter]
35:05
35:06
>> Sorry, I just can't sleep.
35:06
35:14
Where is that book that you were reading
35:14
35:16
with the two women who were ice skating
35:16
35:18
and wearing wearing those hats with the
35:18
35:21
flowers on it? Because every time I look
35:21
35:22
at that cover, I'm like,
35:22
35:27
>> it is in the living room where there is
35:27
35:28
also a light and no one will kick you in
35:28
35:31
the shin.
35:31
35:34
>> What? Ow.
35:34
35:44
I'm sorry. I thought maybe I'd make some
35:44
35:46
warm milk and it would help me sleep
35:46
35:48
>> with a walk.
35:48
35:51
[laughter]
35:51
35:51
>> Thought you were going to read my boring
35:51
35:53
book to put you to sleep.
35:53
35:54
>> It got interesting.
35:54
35:57
Damn you, Oprah. [laughter]
35:57
36:00
>> Here, let me make the milk. I'm up
36:00
36:02
anyway.
36:02
36:03
>> Hey, you know what we could do? You
36:03
36:04
know, now that we're up, we could just
36:04
36:06
like talk to each other all night long,
36:06
36:08
you know, like we did when we were first
36:08
36:10
going out. It'd be fun.
36:10
36:12
>> Okay, that does sound fun.
36:12
36:13
>> Yeah. So, how bummed were you when the
36:13
36:15
second sister died? Huh?
36:16
36:17
>> The second sister dies. [laughter]
36:17
36:24
>> No,
36:24
36:26
[laughter]
36:26
36:27
no. I I I was talking about the book I
36:27
36:30
was reading,
36:30
36:30
>> The Second Sister Dies in Archie and Jug
36:30
36:33
Head Double Digest. [laughter]
36:33
36:37
>> That's correct.
36:37
36:38
>> And I were talking and and I was so
36:38
36:41
upset about the hall being knocked down
36:41
36:43
and she suggested that we just put the
36:43
36:45
wedding off for a bit.
36:45
36:50
>> She said what?
36:50
36:51
>> She said, "If I'm not going to be happy
36:51
36:52
getting married somewhere that we can
36:52
36:53
find in a day, well, then we should just
36:53
36:55
postpone it.
36:55
36:59
Postpone it.
36:59
37:02
>> Emily, do you think Monica realizes how
37:02
37:04
much our parents spent on this wedding?
37:04
37:06
Huh? Do you think my sister's teeny tiny
37:06
37:09
little brain comprehends that people
37:09
37:12
took time out of their lives to fly
37:12
37:14
thousands of miles to be here? Huh?
37:14
37:18
[laughter]
37:18
37:21
>> This isn't right.
37:21
37:23
>> I realize that people are going to be
37:23
37:25
disappointed.
37:25
37:27
But I'm sure they'll come back when we
37:27
37:28
can do it right.
37:28
37:29
>> Well, I can't ask people to do that.
37:29
37:31
Would you ask people to do that?
37:31
37:33
>> Don't you point your pants at me.
37:33
37:36
[laughter]
37:36
37:37
>> We have no choice. Anywhere that's half
37:37
37:39
decent will have been booked months ago.
37:40
37:41
Ross, don't you understand? This is our
37:41
37:42
wedding I'm talking about.
37:42
37:44
>> The only thing I understand is
37:44
37:45
postponing it is not an option. This is
37:45
37:48
when we're getting married.
37:48
37:49
>> So, what are you saying? It's now or
37:49
37:50
never?
37:50
37:51
>> No, I'm saying it's now
37:51
37:52
>> or.
37:52
37:53
>> There's no or in mine. What is wrong
37:53
37:56
with these pants?
37:56
37:59
>> It's not the pants. It's you who's
37:59
38:01
backwards. And if and if you don't
38:01
38:03
understand how important this is to me,
38:03
38:05
well then perhaps we shouldn't be
38:05
38:06
getting married at all.
38:06
38:07
>> What? Emily, NO. WAIT. STOP. EMILY,
38:07
38:10
PLEASE.
38:10
38:10
>> OH.
38:10
38:14
>> HEY.
38:14
38:15
>> HEY.
38:15
38:16
>> You know, I'm I'm really glad we decided
38:16
38:17
not to sleep together before the
38:17
38:19
wedding.
38:19
38:20
>> Oh, boy. Me, too. [laughter] You know, I
38:20
38:23
was thinking if we had a a big fight
38:23
38:25
>> and uh we broke up for a few hours.
38:25
38:27
>> Yeah.
38:28
38:28
>> Technically,
38:28
38:29
we could have sex again.
38:30
38:32
>> What do you think? Bossy and doineering.
38:32
38:34
[laughter]
38:34
38:35
>> The wedding is off. Sloppy and immature.
38:35
38:38
>> That's me.
38:38
38:41
My cousin Cassie's in the guest room.
38:41
38:42
We're supposed to have lunch.
38:42
38:43
>> Well, get rid of her. Obsessive and
38:43
38:45
shrill.
38:45
38:47
>> Shrill. The wedding is back on.
38:47
38:50
>> Maybe we should go. No, you guys, you
38:50
38:52
really don't have to go. We're done
38:52
38:53
talking. But
38:53
38:54
>> come on. Look, I know how you must
38:54
38:55
>> No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst
38:55
39:00
things you think about yourself. Now,
39:00
39:02
how would you feel if the one person
39:02
39:04
that you trusted the most in the world
39:04
39:06
not only thinks them, too, but actually
39:06
39:09
uses them as reasons not to be with you?
39:09
39:12
>> No, but but see, I want to be with you
39:12
39:15
in spite of all those things.
39:15
39:17
>> Oh, well, that's that's mighty big of
39:17
39:19
you, Ross. I said don't go. [laughter]
39:19
39:25
>> You know what? You know what? If if
39:25
39:28
things were the other way around, there
39:28
39:30
is nothing you could put on a list that
39:30
39:31
would that would ever make me not want
39:32
39:33
to be with you.
39:33
39:35
>> Well, then I guess that's the difference
39:35
39:37
between us. See, God never make a list.
39:37
39:41
>> What do we do?
39:41
39:42
>> What do you mean what do we do?
39:42
39:43
>> Twint.
39:43
39:45
Twint.
39:45
39:48
>> Taylor, you're panicking. Uh-huh. Join
39:48
39:50
me, won't you? [laughter]
39:50
39:53
>> Okay. What do you say we keep one and
39:53
39:54
then just like have an option on the
39:54
39:56
other one?
39:56
39:57
>> We can't split them up.
39:57
39:59
>> Why not? We could give each of them half
39:59
40:01
a medallion and then years later they'll
40:01
40:04
find each other [laughter]
40:04
40:07
and be reunited.
40:07
40:09
>> I mean, that's a great day for
40:09
40:10
everybody. [laughter]
40:10
40:12
>> Okay. What if the person who adopts the
40:12
40:14
other one is horrible?
40:14
40:15
>> What if they're not? What if it's
40:15
40:17
adopted by a king? Yeah, because I hear
40:17
40:19
the king is looking to adopt. [laughter]
40:19
40:22
>> Michael, we are not ready to have two
40:22
40:24
babies.
40:24
40:25
>> That doesn't matter. We have waited so
40:25
40:28
long for this. I don't care if it's two
40:28
40:30
babies. I don't care if it's three
40:30
40:31
babies. I don't care if the entire cast
40:32
40:34
of eight is enough comes out of there.
40:34
40:37
>> Well, it happened about six weeks ago
40:37
40:41
and uh I had just gotten home from work
40:41
40:43
and Ross was already there cuz I guess
40:43
40:45
he'd been hanging out with Joey.
40:45
40:46
>> You're welcome, buddy.
40:46
40:49
>> [laughter]
40:49
40:51
[applause]
40:51
40:53
>> Yeah, thanks. [laughter]
40:53
40:55
>> And so I had a lot of work to do and
40:55
40:57
Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to
40:57
40:59
help me out. And then we had a little
40:59
41:01
wine. We got to talking and next thing
41:01
41:03
you know, out of nowhere, Ross comes on
41:03
41:05
to me. [laughter]
41:05
41:07
>> That's That's a little misleading.
41:07
41:11
>> What is
41:11
41:12
>> the lie you just told [laughter]
41:12
41:16
>> that that you came on to me? There's the
41:16
41:17
one.
41:18
41:19
>> But you did. We can be Let's be honest.
41:19
41:21
>> Yes. Let's
41:21
41:25
[laughter]
41:25
41:25
>> You know what? Uh it's it's not
41:25
41:27
important. What's important is that is
41:27
41:29
that we're having a baby and it's not
41:29
41:31
doesn't matter who came on to who. Whom.
41:31
41:37
>> That's right.
41:37
41:40
[laughter]
41:40
41:41
>> You know, you kissed me first.
41:41
41:42
>> What? What? You were begging me to kiss
41:42
41:44
you. You you you were sending me signals
41:44
41:46
all over the place.
41:46
41:47
>> I was sending you signals. Oh, please.
41:47
41:49
Okay. Anyone in this room think that I
41:49
41:51
would actually send Ross begging
41:51
41:53
signals? Please show off hands.
41:53
41:57
[laughter]
41:57
41:58
>> You know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't
41:58
41:59
matter what people believe. What matters
41:59
42:01
is what happened.
42:01
42:02
>> Okay. Well, so these signals, Ross,
42:02
42:03
explain this to me cuz maybe I need to
42:04
42:05
be more careful. I mean, am I sending
42:05
42:06
you these signals right now?
42:06
42:08
>> You know what? You know what, Rachel?
42:08
42:09
Just Just drop it.
42:10
42:10
>> No, please show me how I begged you.
42:10
42:13
>> I can show you. I have it on videotape.
42:13
42:16
[laughter]
42:16
42:21
Wanted to
42:21
42:24
>> interesting.
42:24
42:26
[laughter]
42:26
42:29
>> Anyway,
42:29
42:31
um probably worked out for the best.
42:31
42:36
>> Yeah, sure.
42:36
42:37
>> Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going
42:37
42:39
to see him kiss me. And in about five
42:39
42:42
seconds, you're going to see why.
42:42
42:48
>> Ross, did I ever tell you about the time
42:48
42:50
that I went backpacking through Western
42:50
42:52
Europe?
42:52
42:54
[laughter]
42:54
43:00
[laughter]
43:00
43:01
>> Hey, get ready to see some begging.
43:01
43:04
>> OH, YOU CAME ON to Ross.
43:04
43:07
[laughter]
43:07
43:08
>> What? Now I'm so happy.
43:08
43:12
>> What are you talking about?
43:12
43:13
>> You use the Europe story.
43:13
43:15
>> That's the magic story you use when you
43:15
43:17
want to have sex. [laughter]
43:17
43:21
>> How do you know about that story?
43:21
43:23
>> How do you know about that story?
43:23
43:26
[laughter]
43:26
43:27
>> I heard it from my friend Irene who
43:27
43:28
heard it from some guy.
43:28
43:31
>> Some guy? [cheering]
43:31
43:34
[applause]
43:34
43:36
>> No. No. She told me that his name was
43:36
43:37
Ken Adams.
43:38
43:40
[cheering]
43:40
43:41
[laughter]
43:41
43:41
>> Ken Adams.
43:41
43:44
>> I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out.
43:44
43:47
>> I'm not freaking out.
43:47
43:50
[laughter]
43:50
43:51
>> Why would I be freaking out? A woman
43:51
43:53
named Hildy called and said we were
43:53
43:55
getting married, but that happens every
43:55
43:56
day.
43:56
43:59
[applause]
43:59
44:01
>> Honey, we were at this beautiful place
44:01
44:03
and I I I just put our names down for
44:04
44:05
fun. I mean, what's the harm in that?
44:05
44:07
>> Right here, MOM. [laughter]
44:07
44:11
>> TAYLOR, please don't think I was trying
44:11
44:13
to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel just
44:13
44:15
thought that
44:15
44:15
>> Phoebe and Rachel. So, the people that
44:15
44:17
knew about our wedding before me were
44:17
44:19
you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and
44:20
44:22
apparently some band called the
44:22
44:24
Starlight Magic 7, who are available, by
44:24
44:26
the way. [laughter]
44:26
44:29
>> It was a mistake. Please don't take this
44:29
44:32
to mean anything because it doesn't.
44:32
44:37
Okay.
44:37
44:39
>> Really?
44:39
44:41
>> Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything
44:41
44:43
because you know that I'm just not
44:43
44:45
ready.
44:45
44:45
>> I know. I know.
44:45
44:49
>> Okay.
44:49
44:51
>> All right. I'm going to go tell Joey
44:51
44:53
that that you're back. He's really
44:53
44:55
worried about you.
44:55
45:02
Hey, did she buy it?
45:02
45:05
Totally.
45:05
45:06
>> So, did Hilly show you the place?
45:06
45:08
>> Yeah, it's beautiful.
45:08
45:10
[cheering]
45:10
45:11
>> I can't believe you're going to ask
45:11
45:12
Monica to marry you.
45:12
45:14
>> I know.
45:14
45:16
[cheering]
45:16
45:17
>> Hello. My name is Clunkers.
45:17
45:21
>> May I please stay with you nice people?
45:21
45:24
>> Oh, I wish you could stay here, but
45:24
45:26
Chandler is allergic.
45:26
45:28
>> Extremely allergic. Okay. If I am
45:28
45:31
anywhere near a dog for more than 5
45:31
45:33
minutes, my throat will just close up.
45:33
45:36
>> That's odd, cuz this dog's been living
45:36
45:38
here for the past 3 days. [laughter]
45:38
45:46
>> Really,
45:46
45:49
[laughter] Taylor? If the dog has been
45:49
45:50
here that long and you haven't had a
45:50
45:51
reaction, maybe you're not allergic to
45:51
45:53
this dog.
45:53
45:53
>> Well, it still has to go, right?
45:53
45:56
>> Why?
45:56
45:58
Okay, it's um
45:58
45:59
>> Don't do it. [laughter]
45:59
46:03
>> Don't do what?
46:03
46:04
>> I have to.
46:04
46:05
>> Okay, it's time.
46:05
46:09
[laughter]
46:09
46:12
>> Okay. I HATE DOGS.
46:12
46:13
>> WHAT? WHAT?
46:13
46:14
>> CRAZY.
46:14
46:17
>> Told you.
46:17
46:23
>> They are needy. They are jumpy. And you
46:23
46:27
can't tell what they are thinking. And
46:27
46:28
that scares me a little bit. [laughter]
46:28
46:31
You're
46:31
46:31
>> right. THEY ARE SCARY. SHE JUST ATE A
46:31
46:35
TREAT OUT OF MY HAND. [laughter]
46:35
46:39
>> Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs?
46:39
46:41
I mean, not even puppies.
46:41
46:43
>> Is there a puppy here?
46:43
46:46
>> You don't like puppies? Okay, you are
46:46
46:49
new.
46:49
46:51
>> [laughter]
46:51
46:53
>> Look, Chandler, I told you never tell
46:53
46:55
anyone about this dog thing. It's like
46:55
46:58
Ross not liking ice cream.
46:58
47:01
>> You don't like ice cream?
47:01
47:02
>> It's too cold.
47:02
47:05
[laughter]
47:05
47:05
>> Okay, just the dogs make me a little
47:05
47:08
uncomfortable. Hurts my teeth.
47:08
47:10
[laughter]
47:10
47:11
And I don't want to say this. I don't
47:11
47:12
want you guys to hate me, but uh I don't
47:12
47:15
think I can be around that dog anymore.
47:15
47:17
Okay, so either the dog goes or I go.
47:17
47:20
Huh?
47:20
47:23
[laughter]
47:23
47:28
>> Oh my god.
47:28
47:30
[laughter]
47:30
47:31
>> Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back
47:31
47:33
now.
47:33
47:34
>> Please don't leave me. I'll be lonely.
47:34
47:37
[laughter]
47:37
47:38
Stop it. Stop. Okay, let's go. Well, we
47:38
47:42
can be strong.
47:42
47:43
>> Yeah. Okay.
47:43
47:47
>> Oh my god. Did you hear that? She said,
47:47
47:49
"Monica,
47:49
47:50
[laughter]
47:50
47:52
I can't leave her."
47:52
47:53
>> You know, if you want, we could sneak
47:53
47:55
the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't
47:55
47:56
even know. That's not going to work. I
47:56
47:59
had that dog there for 3 days and
47:59
48:00
Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
48:00
48:03
>> Hey, [laughter]
48:03
48:05
I didn't know either.
48:05
48:06
>> Yeah, but you kind of knew that
48:06
48:08
something was going on, didn't you?
48:08
48:11
>> Yeah, I knew.
48:11
48:15
>> Hi, honey.
48:15
48:17
Please, please, please don't be mad at
48:17
48:19
me.
48:19
48:19
>> What? Why? Why would wait and see? Maybe
48:19
48:22
we will. Maybe we won't. [laughter]
48:22
48:25
>> Okay. I went over to Ross's apartment to
48:25
48:27
bring back clunkers, you know, for you.
48:27
48:29
And I [clears throat] left the door open
48:29
48:31
and she must have gotten out and I
48:31
48:35
looked everywhere all over the
48:35
48:37
apartment, including the roof, which
48:37
48:39
FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors growing
48:39
48:41
weed.
48:41
48:44
I couldn't find him and I am so so so
48:44
48:49
sorry. But I do know where we can all
48:49
48:53
go. Ease the pain. [laughter]
48:53
48:58
>> WE HAVE GOOD NEWS. LOOK WHO'S BACK.
48:58
49:00
>> HEY, LOOK. Oh my god.
49:00
49:04
>> That's right. She came back all by
49:04
49:05
herself. It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
49:05
49:11
It is so good to see you.
49:11
49:13
>> Yet she came all the way back from
49:14
49:15
Ross's building. Oh, the things she MUST
49:15
49:17
HAVE SEEN. [laughter]
49:17
49:19
>> And then she climbed up the fire escape
49:20
49:21
and she tapped on the window with her
49:21
49:23
teeny little paw. And then we ran to let
49:23
49:25
her in. [laughter]
49:25
49:28
I went too far, didn't I?
49:28
49:31
When should I have stopped? [laughter]
49:31
Lyrics & Translation
[English]
I mean, my mom never thought this would
...
work out.
...
She was all once a cheater, always a
...
cheater. [laughter]
...
>> Mhm. Oh, I just wish we hadn't lost
...
those four months.
...
But if time was what you needed just to
...
gain a little perspective,
...
>> we were on a break.
...
>> Coffee house. You bet. [laughter]
...
>> And for the record, it took two people
...
to break up this relationship.
...
>> Yeah. You and that girl from the copy
...
place, which yesterday you took full
...
responsibility for.
...
>> I didn't know what I was taking
...
responsibility for. Okay. I didn't
...
finish the whole letter.
...
>> What?
...
>> I fell asleep.
...
>> You fell asleep? [laughter]
...
>> It was 5:30 in the morning and you had
...
rambled on for 18 pages.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> FRONT AND BACK.
...
OH, and by the way, y u apostrophe r e
...
means you are. Y r MEANS YOU'RE
...
[laughter]
...
>> KNOW. I can't believe I even thought of
...
getting BACK TOGETHER WITH YOU. WE ARE
...
so over.
...
>> Fine by me.
...
>> Oh. Oh, and hey, HEY, HEY. THOSE LITTLE
...
SPELLING TIPS WILL COME IN HANDY WHEN
...
YOU'RE AT HOME on Saturday nights
...
playing SCRABBLE WITH MONICA. HEY,
...
>> SORRY.
...
[laughter]
...
>> I just feel bad about all that sleep
...
you're going to miss. Wishing you were
...
with me.
...
>> Oh, no. No. Don't you worry about me
...
falling asleep. I STILL HAVE YOUR
...
LETTER.
...
>> HEY, DUDE. Some guy just called for you.
...
>> Who was it?
...
>> I don't know. How about thanks for
...
taking the message. Jesus.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, listen. You know when you move in,
...
Rachel's room's going to be empty. You
...
want to talk about what we want to do
...
with it?
...
>> Sure. Okay, I was thinking we should
...
have a beautiful guest room, right, with
...
um a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside
...
tables with flowers on it all the time.
...
And then we can have like a roll top
...
desk with little comment card so people
...
can tell us how much they love staying
...
here.
...
>> Hey, whatever. You know, I really
...
haven't thought about it that much.
...
>> Well, I like that idea obviously,
...
[laughter]
...
but I was thinking maybe maybe it could
...
be a game room, you know? I mean, you
...
can buy old arcade games like uh like
...
Space Invaders and Asteroids for $200.
...
The real ones. The big big big ones.
...
>> No.
...
>> Okay. So, you mean no as in G Chandler?
...
What an interesting idea. Let's discuss
...
it before we reject it completely.
...
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.
...
Yes. Interesting idea. Um, talk about
...
it. But no.
...
>> So, that's it. Well, I just don't think
...
that, you know, arcade games go in the
...
beautiful guest room. The beautiful
...
guest room is going to be filled with
...
antiques,
...
>> which is why Asteroids is perfect. It's
...
the oldest game.
...
>> What do you have against the beautiful
...
guest room?
...
>> Nothing. I don't have anything against
...
the beautiful guest room, especially
...
since everybody that we know lives about
...
30 seconds away. [laughter]
...
>> Are you mocking me?
...
>> No, I'm not mocking you or your
...
beautiful game. [laughter]
...
Hey, what's up?
...
>> Nothing. Monica and I had a stupid
...
fight.
...
>> But you're still moving in together,
...
right? Cuz my ad came out today.
...
>> Wanted female roommate, non-smoker, non
...
ugly.
...
>> So, come on, explain yourself, Geller.
...
First, you get my Rachel pregnant.
...
>> You got Rachel pregnant?
...
>> WHO DID?
...
>> YOU DID?
...
>> YES.
...
>> YES. YES, I did. But but it was it was
...
just a one night thing. It meant
...
nothing.
...
>> Oh, really? That's what my daughter
...
means to you? Nothing?
...
>> No, no, sir. Um, she means a lot to me.
...
I mean, I I care I I love Rachel. What?
...
Oh, but not in that way. I mean I mean
...
I'm not in love with her. I love her
...
like like a friend.
...
>> Oh, really? That's how you treat a
...
friend. You get her in trouble and then
...
you refuse to marry her.
...
>> Hey, I offered to marry her, but I
...
didn't want to.
...
[applause]
...
Well, why not? So you could spend your
...
time with this
...
...
>> I'm sorry. Dr. Green. Mona. Mona. Dr.
...
Green.
...
>> How could you have kept all of this from
...
me? I
...
>> I was going to tell you, but
...
>> But what? You figure you get what you
...
wanted, then you dump her like you did
...
Rachel.
...
>> Hey, I did not dump Rachel, nor are we
...
still together.
...
>> Oh. Um,
...
can I
...
>> Why don't we just let the machine get
...
back?
...
>> Hey, Ross, it's Joey. There's a hooker
...
over here, and we thought maybe you'd
...
know something about it.
...
>> No, no, NO, NO, NO. I I need to lie
...
down.
...
>> What's up, Joe?
...
>> Okay. What have we always wanted to do
...
together?
...
>> Braid each other's hair and ride
...
horseback on the beach.
...
>> Oh, no. No. When you get home tomorrow
...
night, you and I are going to be at the
...
Wizards Knicks game
...
>> courtside. Courtzside? Oh my god.
...
>> YEAH. MAYBE MICHAEL JORDAN will dive for
...
the ball and break my jaw with his knee.
...
>> That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.
...
>> Hello.
...
>> Joey just called. He's got courtside
...
Nicks tickets for him and me tomorrow
...
night.
...
>> Really? But tomorrow night's the only
...
night I get off from the restaurant. If
...
you go to the game, then we won't have a
...
night together for another week.
...
>> But hey, it's courtside. The
...
cheerleaders are going to be right in.
...
That's not the way to convince you.
...
>> Taylor, look, I don't want to be one of
...
those wives that says you can't go to
...
the game. You have to spend time with
...
me. So, if you could just realize it on
...
your own.
...
>> I I know. You're right. I want to see
...
you, too.
...
I just got to figure out a way to tell
...
Joey, you know, he's really looking
...
forward to this.
...
>> Tell him that you haven't seen your wife
...
in a long time.
...
>> Tell him that having a long-distance
...
relationship is really difficult.
...
Tell him that what little time we have
...
together is is precious.
...
>> I'll think of something.
...
>> Cab's ready.
...
>> All right, let's go.
...
>> You're welcome.
...
>> Oh, I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me
...
or sleeping with someone else?
...
[laughter]
...
>> We were on a break.
...
>> You know, Ross, why don't you just put
...
that on your answering machine?
...
>> Hey. Hey, it's valid. Okay. And I'm not
...
the only one who thinks so. Monica
...
agrees with me.
...
>> What?
...
I don't know.
...
[laughter]
...
>> That's what you said last night.
...
>> What I said was was that I understood
...
Joey is the one who agreed with you.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Really, Joey?
...
>> What?
...
>> You know what? But there there is no
...
right or wrong here.
...
>> No, I think it's very obvious who's
...
wrong here.
...
>> Obviously, not to Joey.
...
>> What?
...
Joey about the same way that I do. No,
...
no, no.
...
Guess who I am.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Look what you're doing to Chandler.
...
[screaming]
...
>> Isn't this great?
...
>> Couldn't you just stay like this
...
forever?
...
Champler,
...
couldn't you just stay here forever?
...
>> Yeah, here somewhere else. You know,
...
where? Wherever, [laughter]
...
>> are you okay?
...
>> Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
...
>> Wh What are you doing?
...
>> Well, just hanging out, you know, having
...
fun, you know, with the girl that I'm
...
seeing. Casually,
...
>> man, I knew it. I knew you were going to
...
do this.
...
>> What? get all freaked out because
...
everybody was talking and just joking
...
around about marriage and stuff.
...
>> Well, you you do want all that stuff,
...
right?
...
>> Oh, and you know what I want.
...
>> Yes, you want babies. You have baby
...
fever.
...
>> I do not have baby fever.
...
>> Oh, please. You are obsessed with babies
...
and and marriage and everything that's
...
related to babies and and and marriage.
...
You know what? I got a good idea. Why
...
don't we turn the heat down on this
...
pressure cooker?
...
You lost your mind, Taylor. This isn't
...
about me. This is about you and all your
...
weird relationship commitment crap.
...
>> Nuh-uh. I know you. Okay. I know the
...
thoughts that you have in the head in
...
your head. [laughter]
...
>> You don't know everything. Did you know
...
that I'm going out with Rachel tonight
...
instead of you? H And did you know that
...
the only baby around here is you? And
...
did you know that I can't even look at
...
you right now?
...
>> Yo, I did not know that.
...
>> [music]
...
>> It's going to be okay, right? I mean,
...
she's not going to leave me. This is
...
this is fixable.
...
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Absolutely.
...
>> By me.
...
>> Oh, no.
...
>> No. No. [laughter]
...
>> Well, unless you make some kind of big
...
gesture.
...
>> Yeah. Big though.
...
>> Oh, The misses.
...
>> Here. Can I Can I get a coffee
...
>> to go?
...
I'm I'm still not done not wanting to
...
talk to you.
...
>> Just tell me what I need to do to make
...
things right.
...
>> What?
...
>> Well, that's what we do. You know, I I
...
mess up and then you tell me how to fix
...
it and then I do and then, you know, you
...
think I'm all cute again. [laughter]
...
I'm really I'm really tired of being
...
your relationship tutor. You're going to
...
have to figure this one out for
...
yourself, right? You know what? You're
...
too afraid to be in a real relationship,
...
then don't be in one.
...
Monica, I need to talk to her. It's
...
urgent. Is she here?
...
>> Hi, Monica.
...
>> I need to talk to you. It's urgent.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Okay. I've been doing a lot of thinking
...
about us, you know, a lot of uh us
...
thinking. And uh well, I guess there's
...
only one one way to do this.
...
[cheering]
...
>> What are you doing,
...
>> Monica? No. No. No. Don't don't don't do
...
it.
...
>> Will you marry me?
...
[cheering]
...
>> What a bad idea.
...
>> Oh, I can't not look at it. [laughter]
...
>> Chandler, why are you doing this?
...
>> I don't know, [laughter] but I know I'm
...
not afraid to do this.
...
>> Chandler,
...
>> I'm doing this because I'm sorry.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Do you um you really think the best
...
reason to get married is because you're
...
sorry?
...
>> Well, no. The best reason to get married
...
is pregnancy.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Sorry is pretty much fourth, you know,
...
behind being ready and actually wanting
...
to get married.
...
Will you be my wife?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Taylor, um I want you to take just a
...
minute and I want you to think about how
...
ridiculous this sounds.
...
Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone
...
wasn't here right now.
...
>> Do you know that none of that stuff came
...
from me? I mean, I never said that I
...
wanted to have babies and get married
...
right now.
...
>> Yeah, I don't. But I was really
...
confused. And then I talked to these
...
guys.
...
>> Who? Two divorces and Joey.
...
>> Hey, she's right, you know.
...
>> Yeah, but still cheap shot.
...
>> No. You know when I said that I want you
...
to deal with this relationship stuff all
...
on your own?
...
>> Well, you're not ready for that.
...
>> I didn't think I was. [laughter]
...
>> What are Hi.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Well, what are you doing here? I'm I'm
...
supposed to pick you up.
...
>> Change of plans. I made you a special
...
Valentine's dinner. Surprise.
...
>> Oh, hey Mona. Hi. Hi. Hi, Rachel.
...
What's she doing here?
...
>> I have no idea.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Um, I'll be watching TV if anybody needs
...
me.
...
>> Seriously, what is she doing?
...
>> Uh, you know, lately she just likes
...
hanging out here. [laughter]
...
>> Why?
...
>> I think she's lonely.
...
>> Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we
...
just ask her to go?
...
>> Well, no. No. She's way too emotional.
...
And by emotional, I mean,
...
>> I'm not here. That's just my Chinese
...
food.
...
>> Oh my god, she has food delivered here.
...
>> Yes, she's she's emotional, but but
...
ballsy.
...
>> You know what I'm going to do? I'm going
...
to get in my sweats and eat this in bed.
...
[laughter]
...
>> And you thought she was going to be in
...
our way.
...
So, okay. Why don't you uh open the
...
champagne and I will be right back. I've
...
got a surprise for you.
...
>> You got another ex-wife back there.
...
>> Please start drinking.
...
>> Okay, let's see. Okay, the turkeyy's in
...
the oven. The stuffing is ready.
...
>> You know, you always cook this meal all
...
by yourself. Let me help this year.
...
>> A Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't
...
have to do everything Dr. Phil tells you
...
to do.
...
>> I'm serious. Let me do something. Just
...
not the turkey or the stuffing. Nothing
...
highprofile.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Let's see.
...
>> Oh, the cranberry sauce. It's easy to
...
make and no one really cares about it.
...
>> Tell me more.
...
>> Okay, I'm going to go check on something
...
across the hall. You start by washing
...
these. Okay.
...
>> Not with soap.
...
[laughter]
...
>> You obviously haven't tasted my Palm
...
Olive potatoes.
...
>> Sorry. I know it's our anniversary, but
...
I told you on the phone I don't have
...
time to stop.
...
>> Okay, you don't have to stop. I'm
...
invisible. I'm not here.
...
>> Yeah, but I don't.
...
Who approved that order? Well, there is
...
no Mark Robinson in this office. Get me
...
Mark on the phone.
...
>> I love Mark. Do you know Mark?
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Well, let me just check up with what
...
I've got here. All right. See, 038 is
...
not the number for this floor. 038 is
...
Atlanta.
...
Pepper.
...
[laughter]
...
>> None for me.
...
>> I'm sorry. As I was saying, the store
...
number is wrong and I'm sorry, but that
...
is Oh my god. [laughter]
...
>> Okay.
...
>> Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
...
>> Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm going to have
...
to call you back. I've got Shmp in my
...
office.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> What are you doing?
...
>> I'm sorry, but um Hey. Oh, somebody's
...
off the phone. How about a glass of wine
...
by the fire? I'd get it going again if
...
you
...
>> Do you realize this is the first time in
...
my life I'm doing something I actually
...
care about? This is the first time in my
...
life I'm doing something that I'm
...
actually good at. I mean, if you don't
...
get that.
...
>> No. Hey, I get that. Okay. I get that
...
big time. And I'm happy for you, but I'm
...
tired of having a relationship with your
...
answering machine. Okay. I don't know
...
what to do anymore.
...
>> Well, neither do I.
...
Is this about Mark?
...
>> Oh my god.
...
>> Okay, it's not.
...
>> Oh my god. I cannot keep having the same
...
fight over and over again. Ross, no.
...
You're you're you're making this too
...
hard.
...
>> Oh, I'm I'm making this too hard. Okay,
...
what do you want me to do?
...
>> I don't know. I don't know. Look, maybe
...
we should just take a break.
...
>> Okay. Okay, fine. You're right. Let's uh
...
let's take a break. Let's cool off.
...
Okay. Let's get some frozen yogurt or
...
something.
...
No.
...
A break from us.
...
>> It's the worst thing that can happen on
...
anniversary ever.
...
>> Oh, good. All right. You decided to tell
...
about the Richard thing.
...
[laughter]
...
>> What? What Richard things?
...
>> Oh, no.
...
What Richard think?
...
>> Simmons. Go with Simmons. [laughter]
...
>> Okay. I um I ran into Richard yesterday
...
and he asked me if I wanted to go for a
...
bite and I did. And the only reason why
...
I didn't tell you is because I I knew
...
you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil
...
our anniversary.
...
>> I'm not mad. [laughter]
...
>> Really?
...
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you you bumped into
...
Richard. You grabbed a bite. [laughter]
...
>> No big deal.
...
>> Great.
...
>> Okay, London one.
...
>> We should take a trip.
...
>> We should?
...
>> Yep. We're a couple and that's uh what
...
couples do. And I want to meet your
...
parents. We should take a trip WITH YOUR
...
PARENTS.
...
I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO because you're
...
tripping me out right now.
...
>> Are you okay?
...
>> No, I am. I actually am. I mean, this is
...
amazing. My entire life, I have feared
...
this place. And now that I'm here, it's
...
like, what was the big deal? I mean, I
...
could probably say, "Let's move in
...
together." And I'd be okay.
...
>> You probably want us to move in
...
together.
...
It doesn't scare me.
...
>> Yeah, well, it scares me. I mean, I'm
...
not even divorced yet, Chandler. You
...
know, you just invited me over here for
...
pasta and all of a sudden you're like
...
talking about moving in together and I
...
wasn't even that hungry.
...
>> You know what? It's getting really late
...
and I I should just um
...
>> Oh, no. No, don't go. I've scared you.
...
I've said too much. I'm hopeless AND
...
AWKWARD AND DESPERATE for love.
...
[laughter]
...
Hey Janice, it's me. Um, [clears throat]
...
yeah, I I just wanted to apologize in
...
advance for having chased you down the
...
street.
...
[music]
...
>> She sent the chicken back again.
...
>> She said it's too dry now and she wants
...
to come back here and explain to you
...
exactly how she wants.
...
>> Well, fine. I'd like to meet this
...
chicken expert. Send the colonel in.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Oh my god.
...
[cheering and applause]
...
Lucky bastard.
...
>> Janice,
...
>> how are you, Miss Hot Shot Chef at the
...
big fancy restaurant with the best
...
chicken ever?
...
[laughter]
...
>> I'm fine.
...
>> Oh, what is that on your finger? I'm
...
blind.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Um, so who's the lucky guy?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh my god,
...
I am so sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?
...
[laughter]
...
You didn't tell her we're getting
...
married, did you?
...
>> Well, she saw the ring.
...
>> Did she freak out?
...
>> Well, she was shocked when I told her,
...
but then again, so were most people,
...
>> right?
...
Well, she actually has a boyfriend, you
...
know, herself. Name's Clark. Uh, she
...
also kind of invited herself to our
...
wedding. Clark, too.
...
>> You said no, right?
...
>> Huh? [laughter]
...
You said no, right?
...
>> Well, she cornered me and she asked me
...
if the wedding was in town. I mean, what
...
was I supposed to do?
...
>> Why? [laughter]
...
How hard is that? Your checks in the
...
mail. Oh, your baby is so cute. I
...
[laughter]
...
I can't wait to read your book, Ross.
...
>> And so she comes to the wedding. Maybe
...
it won't be so bad.
...
>> When do you think she's just going to
...
sit there quietly? You don't think she's
...
going to want to make a toast? You don't
...
think she's going to want to grab the
...
microphone and sing part-time lover?
...
>> Oh my god. She's not going to like the
...
chicken that night, either, is she?
...
[laughter]
...
>> You know what? It's going to be okay.
...
You know what? She's probably not going
...
to even want to come.
...
>> Really?
...
>> No. That was a lie.
...
See how easy that was?
...
>> So So you would have just lied?
...
>> Yes.
...
>> Would have really been that easy?
...
>> Yes.
...
>> Good. So do it Saturday night cuz we're
...
going to dinner with her and Clark.
...
Now
...
>> you you've been quiet all morning. Is
...
everything okay? Mhm.
...
>> You sure you're all right?
...
>> Yep.
...
>> Okay. Um, well, I'm going to go uh grab
...
us some breakfast.
...
>> FYI,
...
>> there it is.
...
>> In the future, when a girl asks for some
...
ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Wait, what? You're uh you're mad at me
...
about last night? I was just trying to
...
do the right thing. Really? Well, it
...
seems to me if you had done the right
...
thing, I would not have woken up today
...
feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would
...
have woken up feeling comforted and
...
satisfied.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Well,
...
>> oh, stop that.
...
>> I can't believe this. What? I I was just
...
being a good guy. I treated you with
...
with respect and understanding.
...
>> Oh, that is so hot.
...
>> Hey, [laughter] I was looking out for
...
you.
...
>> Oh, really? Well, Ross, you know what? I
...
am a big girl. I don't need someone
...
telling me what is best for me.
...
>> I got to say, I've not had sex a lot of
...
times before. This is the worst ever.
...
>> Oh, really? Really? Well, it wasn't very
...
good for me either.
...
>> Oh, okay. You know, hey, hey, you know
...
what? You know what? To avoid this
...
little thing in the future, let's just
...
say you and me never having sex again.
...
>> What?
...
>> That's right. Sex is off the table. I am
...
never having sex with you again.
...
[laughter]
...
Okay.
...
>> See,
...
>> she stole my jeans.
...
>> What?
...
>> I have been looking for them all week
...
and she is wearing them.
...
>> So, she stole your pants and then she
...
came back and wore them in front of you.
...
>> Don't you see? It's the perfect crime.
...
>> She must have been planning this for
...
years.
...
I will prove it to you. Okay. About a
...
week ago, I was wearing those jeans and
...
I dropped a pen in my lap and it left an
...
ink stain on the crotch. Now, when she
...
comes back, I will find it and show you
...
that stain.
...
>> Shouldn't we give her the benefit of the
...
doubt before we go snooping around her
...
crotch?
...
>> Hey. Hey.
...
>> You got a second?
...
>> Sure. Sure. Come on in.
...
>> Hello, sweetheart. Um,
...
what you what you guys doing here?
...
>> Uh, we are here to break up with you.
...
>> Both of you.
...
>> Basically, we think you're a horrible
...
human being and bad things should happen
...
to you.
...
>> I'm sorry. Sorry, God. I am so sorry.
...
I'm an idiot. I was weak. I I couldn't
...
help myself. Whatever I did, I only did
...
because I love you so much.
...
>> Uh, which one of us are you talking to
...
there, Bear? [laughter]
...
Mindy. Mindy. Of course, Mindy. It was
...
always Mindy.
...
>> Even when we were having sex in that
...
chair. Look,
...
>> I swear. Look, whatever I was doing, I
...
was always thinking of you.
...
>> Oh, please. During that second time, you
...
couldn't have picked her out of a
...
lineup.
...
>> You did it twice.
...
>> Well, the first time didn't really
...
count. I mean, you know, it was Barry.
...
We're already late for Phoe's birthday
...
dinner. So, you're going to put out that
...
cigarette. We're gonna put this fight on
...
hold and go have sex.
...
>> Fine. What?
...
>> Sex? This is the last day that I'm
...
ovulating and if we if we don't do it
...
now, then I'm gonna have to wait till
...
next month.
...
>> You're serious? [laughter]
...
>> Oh, yeah.
...
>> All right, fine. I'll do it. But no
...
talking
...
>> and no cuddling.
...
>> And no kissing your neck.
...
>> Oh, good. I hate it when you do that.
...
[cheering]
...
>> And lots of kissing your neck.
...
Hello.
...
>> Hello. Is Ross there?
...
>> Uh, no he's not. Can I take a message?
...
>> Yes. This is Russell, Ross' divorce
...
lawyer. Just tell him that since I
...
haven't heard from him, I assume he's
...
decided to give the marriage a try.
...
>> Ross got married again? [screaming] No.
...
[laughter]
...
>> All right, keep going. We are phasing
...
the accent out. Phasing it out.
...
So without retesting their results in
...
the laboratory,
...
the team would never have identified
...
the initial errors in their carbon
...
dating analysis. [laughter]
...
Were there any questions at this point?
...
>> Yes.
...
>> What's happening to your accent?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Come again. What's What's this nonsense?
...
[laughter]
...
All right. I'm I'm not English.
...
I'm from Long Island.
...
I was really nervous and the accent just
...
um just came out. [laughter]
...
I'm sorry.
...
So, if we could just get back to the
...
lecture.
...
Um,
...
were there any questions
...
[laughter]
...
about paleontology?
...
All right. Look, I was just trying to
...
make a good first impression. Obviously,
...
I screwed up. But what you guys think of
...
me is really important because I'm I'm
...
hoping to get a permanent job here. So,
...
if you just give me another chance to
...
make a good impression.
...
>> Russ, ARE YOU CRAZY? I AM STILL YOUR
...
WIFE? WHAT WERE YOU JUST NEVER GOING TO
...
TELL ME? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH
...
YOU? [laughter]
...
I could just kill you.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Well, Rachel,
...
>> you two were involved in a serious
...
relationship that really creates a
...
problem.
...
>> Ros, your honor, rest assured that
...
relationship ended two years ago. And
...
can you please strike Consummated Like
...
Bunnies from the record?
...
Is [laughter] there anything in this
...
record that is actually true?
...
>> Uh well, yes. We uh we got married in
...
Vegas and uh and the names I think.
...
>> Well, based on what I've heard, you two
...
certainly don't qualify for an anolment.
...
>> If you don't want to be together, you'll
...
have to file for divorce.
...
>> That's great. You happy now? Look what
...
you did with your funny funny form.
...
>> What me? What about YOU AND YOUR
...
CONSUMMATED LIKE BUNNIES NONSENSE?
...
NOW, what are you typing that for? She
...
already said we don't get the anulment.
...
Don't type that. What? Stop typing. Hey,
...
stop typing.
...
Stop typing. Stop typing.
...
>> Okay. Do you see? Do you see what you
...
are keeping me married to?
...
>> You need to get out of my chambers.
...
>> All right. Look, lady. Here is the deal.
...
I came here for an anolment, and I am
...
not leaving here until I get one.
...
>> Would you like to spend the night in
...
jail?
...
>> Okay. Thank you for your time.
...
>> Why are your eyes so wide?
...
>> You tell me. [laughter]
...
Maybe it's because I was just fooling
...
around with my ex. Oh, no. No, no, no,
...
NO. THAT WAS YOU.
...
>> Oh my god.
...
>> All right.
...
>> How did you know?
...
>> Joey told me he saw you two kissing
...
>> in the park. [cheering]
...
>> No, in his office. How many kisses were
...
there?
...
>> Just those two.
...
>> WH WHY WHY WHY WAS THERE KISSING? THERE
...
should be no kissing. Oh, I'm sorry,
...
honey. I'm so so so
...
I'm so so sorry. I just BUT I OH, WHAT
...
HAPPENED WAS I I I can't breathe. Did
...
you get me a bag or something?
...
>> Here. Here.
...
>> There.
...
[laughter]
...
It's the receipt.
...
>> I'll take it.
...
>> It was a mistake. I made a mistake.
...
Okay.
...
>> A mistake? What were you trying to put
...
it in? her purse.
...
Where? Where did he put it? [laughter]
...
>> Ros, you had sex with another woman.
...
>> Oh my god.
...
>> Oh god. I knew something had to be wrong
...
because my fingernails did not grow at
...
all yesterday.
...
>> Yeah. Well, I guess they had a fight and
...
he got drunk.
...
>> You guys knew about this and you didn't
...
tell us.
...
>> He had sex and we get hit in our heads.
...
>> You know what? I want you to leave. Get
...
out of here. Just get out.
...
>> No, I know. I want to stay. I want to
...
talk about this.
...
>> Okay. All right. How was she?
...
>> Uh-oh.
...
>> What
...
>> was she good?
...
>> Don't answer that. [laughter]
...
>> Rose, you said you wanted to talk about
...
it. Let's talk about it. How was she?
...
>> She was awful.
...
>> She was not good. Not good. Nothing
...
compared to
...
She She was different. Oh.
...
>> Uhoh.
...
>> Good. Different.
...
>> Nobody likes change.
...
>> Should we do something?
...
>> Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
...
>> I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I I was
...
disgusted with myself and then this
...
morning I was so I was I was so upset
...
and then I got your message and I was so
...
happy and all I wanted was to get her
...
out of my apartment as fast as possible.
...
>> What time did your little friend leave?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh my god. She was there.
...
>> She was still there. She was in there
...
WHEN I WAS IN THERE.
...
[screaming]
...
ask you.
...
>> Listen. Oh, hey. Hey. The important
...
thing is she meant she meant nothing to
...
me.
...
>> And yet SHE WAS WORTH JEOPARDIZING OUR
...
RELATIONSHIP.
...
>> LOOK, I didn't think there was a
...
relationship to jeopardize. I thought we
...
were broken up.
...
>> We were on a break.
...
>> That for all I knew could last forever.
...
That to me is a break up.
...
>> You think you're going to get out of
...
this on a technicality?
...
>> I'm not trying to get out of anything,
...
okay? I thought our relationship was
...
dead. Well, you sure had a hell of a
...
time at the wake. [laughter]
...
>> You know what? I don't think we should
...
listen to this anymore.
...
>> What are you doing? I can't go out
...
there.
...
>> Why not? I'm hungry.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Because they'll know we've been
...
listening. God, I'd have to hear about
...
it from Gunther.
...
>> Come on. Like I wanted him to tell you,
...
I ran all over the place trying to make
...
sure that didn't happen.
...
>> Oh, that is so sweet.
...
I think I'm falling in love with you all
...
over again.
...
>> You know what? I think we can go out
...
there. I mean, they have more important
...
things to worry about.
...
>> Yeah, we'll be fine.
...
>> Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I
...
thought I should. I I did. And then
...
Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Wax the door shut. We're never leaving
...
up. I
...
>> I love your breasts the way they are. H
...
fascist. [laughter]
...
>> Well, my breasts are going to get bigger
...
whether you like it or not. And and you
...
know what? It's not just my breasts. My
...
ass is going to get bigger, too.
...
>> Your ass?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Yeah. And don't be surprised if her
...
hands and her feet get bigger, too.
...
>> They do that?
...
>> It's kind of a package deal.
...
>> God, why? Why would you want to do that
...
to yourself?
...
>> I thought it was something that we both
...
wanted. [snorts] All
...
right, look. If it means that much to
...
you, I may be able to get on board with
...
the big boobs, but the giant ass and the
...
big clown feet. [laughter]
...
>> Oh my god, Chandler. If you can't handle
...
this, what are you going to be like in
...
the hospital with the blood and the
...
screaming and the little person that's
...
shooting out of her? [laughter]
...
>> What?
...
>> Oh. Oh.
...
Whoops. Oh, I seem to have dropped my
...
fork.
...
Let me just bend over and get it.
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
Oh god.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay, enough. This is This is not going
...
to happen.
...
>> Oh, come on, Ros. I'm miserable here.
...
Come on. You started this. Now you
...
finish it.
...
>> Come on, West. Big love to me.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> You know what?
...
>> What?
...
>> Forget it.
...
>> Oh, wow. What? Now, Ross, you're not
...
going to talk? How on earth will you
...
ever annoy me?
...
Oh, wait a minute. I know.
...
[snorts]
...
>> I mean, you think the damn jalapeno
...
would have cleared up your sinuses, but
...
no, that's not enough. What are you
...
doing? I'M GETTING THAT BABY OUT OF YOU.
...
[cheering]
...
>> Oh god.
...
>> Oh, I know.
...
>> Oh no.
...
>> I think my water just broke.
...
>> I am good. [laughter]
...
[cheering]
...
>> Monica,
...
>> she's sleeping.
...
[laughter]
...
I know. Just quick quick quick question.
...
Which one was Deep Impact and which one
...
was Armageddon?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Deep Impact was the one with Robert
...
Dval. Armageddon is what's going to
...
happen to you if you wake me up.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Sorry, I just can't sleep.
...
Where is that book that you were reading
...
with the two women who were ice skating
...
and wearing wearing those hats with the
...
flowers on it? Because every time I look
...
at that cover, I'm like,
...
>> it is in the living room where there is
...
also a light and no one will kick you in
...
the shin.
...
>> What? Ow.
...
I'm sorry. I thought maybe I'd make some
...
warm milk and it would help me sleep
...
>> with a walk.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Thought you were going to read my boring
...
book to put you to sleep.
...
>> It got interesting.
...
Damn you, Oprah. [laughter]
...
>> Here, let me make the milk. I'm up
...
anyway.
...
>> Hey, you know what we could do? You
...
know, now that we're up, we could just
...
like talk to each other all night long,
...
you know, like we did when we were first
...
going out. It'd be fun.
...
>> Okay, that does sound fun.
...
>> Yeah. So, how bummed were you when the
...
second sister died? Huh?
...
>> The second sister dies. [laughter]
...
>> No,
...
[laughter]
...
no. I I I was talking about the book I
...
was reading,
...
>> The Second Sister Dies in Archie and Jug
...
Head Double Digest. [laughter]
...
>> That's correct.
...
>> And I were talking and and I was so
...
upset about the hall being knocked down
...
and she suggested that we just put the
...
wedding off for a bit.
...
>> She said what?
...
>> She said, "If I'm not going to be happy
...
getting married somewhere that we can
...
find in a day, well, then we should just
...
postpone it.
...
Postpone it.
...
>> Emily, do you think Monica realizes how
...
much our parents spent on this wedding?
...
Huh? Do you think my sister's teeny tiny
...
little brain comprehends that people
...
took time out of their lives to fly
...
thousands of miles to be here? Huh?
...
[laughter]
...
>> This isn't right.
...
>> I realize that people are going to be
...
disappointed.
...
But I'm sure they'll come back when we
...
can do it right.
...
>> Well, I can't ask people to do that.
...
Would you ask people to do that?
...
>> Don't you point your pants at me.
...
[laughter]
...
>> We have no choice. Anywhere that's half
...
decent will have been booked months ago.
...
Ross, don't you understand? This is our
...
wedding I'm talking about.
...
>> The only thing I understand is
...
postponing it is not an option. This is
...
when we're getting married.
...
>> So, what are you saying? It's now or
...
never?
...
>> No, I'm saying it's now
...
>> or.
...
>> There's no or in mine. What is wrong
...
with these pants?
...
>> It's not the pants. It's you who's
...
backwards. And if and if you don't
...
understand how important this is to me,
...
well then perhaps we shouldn't be
...
getting married at all.
...
>> What? Emily, NO. WAIT. STOP. EMILY,
...
PLEASE.
...
>> OH.
...
>> HEY.
...
>> HEY.
...
>> You know, I'm I'm really glad we decided
...
not to sleep together before the
...
wedding.
...
>> Oh, boy. Me, too. [laughter] You know, I
...
was thinking if we had a a big fight
...
>> and uh we broke up for a few hours.
...
>> Yeah.
...
>> Technically,
...
we could have sex again.
...
>> What do you think? Bossy and doineering.
...
[laughter]
...
>> The wedding is off. Sloppy and immature.
...
>> That's me.
...
My cousin Cassie's in the guest room.
...
We're supposed to have lunch.
...
>> Well, get rid of her. Obsessive and
...
shrill.
...
>> Shrill. The wedding is back on.
...
>> Maybe we should go. No, you guys, you
...
really don't have to go. We're done
...
talking. But
...
>> come on. Look, I know how you must
...
>> No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst
...
things you think about yourself. Now,
...
how would you feel if the one person
...
that you trusted the most in the world
...
not only thinks them, too, but actually
...
uses them as reasons not to be with you?
...
>> No, but but see, I want to be with you
...
in spite of all those things.
...
>> Oh, well, that's that's mighty big of
...
you, Ross. I said don't go. [laughter]
...
>> You know what? You know what? If if
...
things were the other way around, there
...
is nothing you could put on a list that
...
would that would ever make me not want
...
to be with you.
...
>> Well, then I guess that's the difference
...
between us. See, God never make a list.
...
>> What do we do?
...
>> What do you mean what do we do?
...
>> Twint.
...
Twint.
...
>> Taylor, you're panicking. Uh-huh. Join
...
me, won't you? [laughter]
...
>> Okay. What do you say we keep one and
...
then just like have an option on the
...
other one?
...
>> We can't split them up.
...
>> Why not? We could give each of them half
...
a medallion and then years later they'll
...
find each other [laughter]
...
and be reunited.
...
>> I mean, that's a great day for
...
everybody. [laughter]
...
>> Okay. What if the person who adopts the
...
other one is horrible?
...
>> What if they're not? What if it's
...
adopted by a king? Yeah, because I hear
...
the king is looking to adopt. [laughter]
...
>> Michael, we are not ready to have two
...
babies.
...
>> That doesn't matter. We have waited so
...
long for this. I don't care if it's two
...
babies. I don't care if it's three
...
babies. I don't care if the entire cast
...
of eight is enough comes out of there.
...
>> Well, it happened about six weeks ago
...
and uh I had just gotten home from work
...
and Ross was already there cuz I guess
...
he'd been hanging out with Joey.
...
>> You're welcome, buddy.
...
>> [laughter]
...
[applause]
...
>> Yeah, thanks. [laughter]
...
>> And so I had a lot of work to do and
...
Ross, nice guy that he is, offered to
...
help me out. And then we had a little
...
wine. We got to talking and next thing
...
you know, out of nowhere, Ross comes on
...
to me. [laughter]
...
>> That's That's a little misleading.
...
>> What is
...
>> the lie you just told [laughter]
...
>> that that you came on to me? There's the
...
one.
...
>> But you did. We can be Let's be honest.
...
>> Yes. Let's
...
[laughter]
...
>> You know what? Uh it's it's not
...
important. What's important is that is
...
that we're having a baby and it's not
...
doesn't matter who came on to who. Whom.
...
>> That's right.
...
[laughter]
...
>> You know, you kissed me first.
...
>> What? What? You were begging me to kiss
...
you. You you you were sending me signals
...
all over the place.
...
>> I was sending you signals. Oh, please.
...
Okay. Anyone in this room think that I
...
would actually send Ross begging
...
signals? Please show off hands.
...
[laughter]
...
>> You know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't
...
matter what people believe. What matters
...
is what happened.
...
>> Okay. Well, so these signals, Ross,
...
explain this to me cuz maybe I need to
...
be more careful. I mean, am I sending
...
you these signals right now?
...
>> You know what? You know what, Rachel?
...
Just Just drop it.
...
>> No, please show me how I begged you.
...
>> I can show you. I have it on videotape.
...
[laughter]
...
Wanted to
...
>> interesting.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Anyway,
...
um probably worked out for the best.
...
>> Yeah, sure.
...
>> Okay. In about 10 seconds, you're going
...
to see him kiss me. And in about five
...
seconds, you're going to see why.
...
>> Ross, did I ever tell you about the time
...
that I went backpacking through Western
...
Europe?
...
[laughter]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Hey, get ready to see some begging.
...
>> OH, YOU CAME ON to Ross.
...
[laughter]
...
>> What? Now I'm so happy.
...
>> What are you talking about?
...
>> You use the Europe story.
...
>> That's the magic story you use when you
...
want to have sex. [laughter]
...
>> How do you know about that story?
...
>> How do you know about that story?
...
[laughter]
...
>> I heard it from my friend Irene who
...
heard it from some guy.
...
>> Some guy? [cheering]
...
[applause]
...
>> No. No. She told me that his name was
...
Ken Adams.
...
[cheering]
...
[laughter]
...
>> Ken Adams.
...
>> I'm so sorry. Please stop freaking out.
...
>> I'm not freaking out.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Why would I be freaking out? A woman
...
named Hildy called and said we were
...
getting married, but that happens every
...
day.
...
[applause]
...
>> Honey, we were at this beautiful place
...
and I I I just put our names down for
...
fun. I mean, what's the harm in that?
...
>> Right here, MOM. [laughter]
...
>> TAYLOR, please don't think I was trying
...
to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel just
...
thought that
...
>> Phoebe and Rachel. So, the people that
...
knew about our wedding before me were
...
you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and
...
apparently some band called the
...
Starlight Magic 7, who are available, by
...
the way. [laughter]
...
>> It was a mistake. Please don't take this
...
to mean anything because it doesn't.
...
Okay.
...
>> Really?
...
>> Yes. If it really doesn't mean anything
...
because you know that I'm just not
...
ready.
...
>> I know. I know.
...
>> Okay.
...
>> All right. I'm going to go tell Joey
...
that that you're back. He's really
...
worried about you.
...
Hey, did she buy it?
...
Totally.
...
>> So, did Hilly show you the place?
...
>> Yeah, it's beautiful.
...
[cheering]
...
>> I can't believe you're going to ask
...
Monica to marry you.
...
>> I know.
...
[cheering]
...
>> Hello. My name is Clunkers.
...
>> May I please stay with you nice people?
...
>> Oh, I wish you could stay here, but
...
Chandler is allergic.
...
>> Extremely allergic. Okay. If I am
...
anywhere near a dog for more than 5
...
minutes, my throat will just close up.
...
>> That's odd, cuz this dog's been living
...
here for the past 3 days. [laughter]
...
>> Really,
...
[laughter] Taylor? If the dog has been
...
here that long and you haven't had a
...
reaction, maybe you're not allergic to
...
this dog.
...
>> Well, it still has to go, right?
...
>> Why?
...
Okay, it's um
...
>> Don't do it. [laughter]
...
>> Don't do what?
...
>> I have to.
...
>> Okay, it's time.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay. I HATE DOGS.
...
>> WHAT? WHAT?
...
>> CRAZY.
...
>> Told you.
...
>> They are needy. They are jumpy. And you
...
can't tell what they are thinking. And
...
that scares me a little bit. [laughter]
...
You're
...
>> right. THEY ARE SCARY. SHE JUST ATE A
...
TREAT OUT OF MY HAND. [laughter]
...
>> Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs?
...
I mean, not even puppies.
...
>> Is there a puppy here?
...
>> You don't like puppies? Okay, you are
...
new.
...
>> [laughter]
...
>> Look, Chandler, I told you never tell
...
anyone about this dog thing. It's like
...
Ross not liking ice cream.
...
>> You don't like ice cream?
...
>> It's too cold.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay, just the dogs make me a little
...
uncomfortable. Hurts my teeth.
...
[laughter]
...
And I don't want to say this. I don't
...
want you guys to hate me, but uh I don't
...
think I can be around that dog anymore.
...
Okay, so either the dog goes or I go.
...
Huh?
...
[laughter]
...
>> Oh my god.
...
[laughter]
...
>> Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back
...
now.
...
>> Please don't leave me. I'll be lonely.
...
[laughter]
...
Stop it. Stop. Okay, let's go. Well, we
...
can be strong.
...
>> Yeah. Okay.
...
>> Oh my god. Did you hear that? She said,
...
"Monica,
...
[laughter]
...
I can't leave her."
...
>> You know, if you want, we could sneak
...
the dog back in and Chandler wouldn't
...
even know. That's not going to work. I
...
had that dog there for 3 days and
...
Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
...
>> Hey, [laughter]
...
I didn't know either.
...
>> Yeah, but you kind of knew that
...
something was going on, didn't you?
...
>> Yeah, I knew.
...
>> Hi, honey.
...
Please, please, please don't be mad at
...
me.
...
>> What? Why? Why would wait and see? Maybe
...
we will. Maybe we won't. [laughter]
...
>> Okay. I went over to Ross's apartment to
...
bring back clunkers, you know, for you.
...
And I [clears throat] left the door open
...
and she must have gotten out and I
...
looked everywhere all over the
...
apartment, including the roof, which
...
FYI, Ross, one of your neighbors growing
...
weed.
...
I couldn't find him and I am so so so
...
sorry. But I do know where we can all
...
go. Ease the pain. [laughter]
...
>> WE HAVE GOOD NEWS. LOOK WHO'S BACK.
...
>> HEY, LOOK. Oh my god.
...
>> That's right. She came back all by
...
herself. It's a Thanksgiving miracle.
...
It is so good to see you.
...
>> Yet she came all the way back from
...
Ross's building. Oh, the things she MUST
...
HAVE SEEN. [laughter]
...
>> And then she climbed up the fire escape
...
and she tapped on the window with her
...
teeny little paw. And then we ran to let
...
her in. [laughter]
...
I went too far, didn't I?
...
When should I have stopped? [laughter]
Key Vocabulary
Start Practicing
| Vocabulary | Meanings |
|---|---|
|
cheater /ˈtʃiːtər/ B2 |
|
|
breakup /ˈbreɪkʌp/ B2 |
|
|
relationship /rɪˈleɪʃənˌʃɪp/ B2 |
|
|
marriage /ˈmærɪdʒ/ B2 |
|
|
pregnant /ˈprɛgnənt/ B1 |
|
|
guest /ɡɛst/ A2 |
|
|
arcade /ɑːrˈkeɪd/ B2 |
|
|
coffee /ˈkɒfi/ A1 |
|
|
apology /əˈpɒlədʒi/ B2 |
|
|
letter /ˈlɛtər/ A2 |
|
|
sleep /sliːp/ A1 |
|
|
break /breɪk/ A2 |
|
|
marry /ˈmæri/ B1 |
|
|
room /ruːm/ A1 |
|
|
commitment /kəˈmɪtmənt/ B2 |
|
|
awkward /ˈɔːkwərd/ B2 |
|
|
anniversary /ˌænɪˈvɜːrsəri/ B2 |
|
|
husband /ˈhʌzbənd/ A2 |
|
|
wife /waɪf/ A2 |
|
|
panic /ˈpænɪk/ B2 |
|
“cheater, breakup, relationship” – got them all figured out?
⚡ Dive into vocabulary challenges in the app and lock in your knowledge right after jamming to ""
Key Grammar Structures
-
I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for.
➔ Indirect question / embedded wh‑clause as object
➔ The clause **"what I was taking responsibility for"** functions as the object of "know".
-
We were on a break.
➔ Past simple with idiomatic prepositional phrase
➔ The phrase **"on a break"** is a fixed idiom meaning a temporary separation.
-
If time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective, we were on a break.
➔ Second‑type conditional with nominal clause in the if‑clause
➔ The verb **"was"** shows an unreal past situation, and **"what you needed"** is a nominal clause acting as complement of "time".
-
It was 5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 pages.
➔ Past perfect to show an action completed before another past moment
➔ The verb **"had rambled"** (past perfect) indicates that the rambling happened before the reference time "5:30 in the morning".
-
I fell asleep.
➔ Simple past of an intransitive verb
➔ The verb **"fell"** (past of "fall") is used without an object because "sleep" is a state entered by the subject.
-
I didn't finish the whole letter.
➔ Negative simple past with a direct object
➔ The auxiliary **"didn't"** negates the verb "finish"; **"the whole letter"** is the direct object of the action.
-
I love you like a friend.
➔ Simile using "like" + noun
➔ The word **"like"** introduces a comparison; **"a friend"** is the noun that the speaker is likening the love to.
-
You should've told me earlier.
➔ Modal verb + perfect infinitive (should have + past participle)
➔ The contraction **"should've"** stands for **"should have"** and expresses a past obligation that was not fulfilled.
-
I'm sorry for keeping the answering machine.
➔ Gerund after a preposition (for + gerund)
➔ The preposition **"for"** is followed by the gerund **"keeping"**, which functions like a noun indicating the cause of the apology.
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